#but for the record 85 of the drama and problems or situations you delt with you got your self into

[kimberkingrivers]

It’s nights like tonight where I miss you, when I’m making dinner and it’s the recipe we learned together and both of our favorite foods. When I’m listen to my playlist and a song that reminds me of you comes on. When I see a stupid Halloween decoration that I almost get because it would have made you laugh as Christmas present.

But on nights like to night when I miss you, I think of the things I would have done differently, or how I should have said something else. But when it comes down to it.

I’m okay with being the bad guy in your story, even if once I was one of you’re biggest supporters. Even when I miss you and I want to be mad at myself for walking away, when I open your chat to send you a message, the chat that use to be pinned at the top of my page.

I walked away because I wasn’t doing you right, and I’m not going to fight for someone that doesn’t care I walked away. You once told me you hoped I would walk away. You got your wish. I walked away.

Even when it hurts, when I want to cry.

I realize I’m the only one hurting, you don’t miss me, you don’t even seem to care that I left,

and that’s why I walked away.

I was supposed to be the one beside you on your wedding day,

I was supposed to be the one you called after a long day at work,

I was the one that was supposed to be there when you got pregnant and it was the right time,

I was the one he was supposed to ask for your ring size and how best to surprise you,

I was the one that sat with you in the closet floor when you thought your life was falling apart,

I was the one that across from you in a burger joint when you poured your heart out and your fears,

I cheered you on when you walked the stage to get your college degree,

I was there for the breakups, the falling in love, the fear, the midlife crisis,

And then suddenly I wasn’t, I went out of town for a week, and you were in the hospital not bothering to tell me until you’d been released, and somehow it was my fault that I was upset you nearly died.

When I heard I need you to communicate with me you heard “cut all contact”

So now I won’t be the one that helps you get ready on your wedding day,

I won’t be the one waiting in the waiting room excited to meet the little one you carried,

I won’t be the one to celebrate when you get a raise

And I won’t be the one you call when you have a bad day.

But you also won’t be the one to stand by my side when I say I Do

You won’t be waiting to meet my baby,

You won’t be one of my calls when the test is positive,

You won’t be my call when I finally get the job of my dreams

You won’t help me get ready for a date

You won’t lay beside me and watch another movie on tv when we’re supposed to be sleeping

You wont be the person I stay up late talking to the night before the school dance,

I know I didn’t do everything right, there’s things I wish I could do over, things I wish I would have said, and things I wish I could take back. But even when I miss you, the hurt I feel now, doesn’t feel like the frustration and loneliness I felt when I was with you.

#why do best friends suck #fuck this shit #I miss her #I miss you #I wish I could do things differently #but I can’t #wish I could take things back #I’m less lonely with you gone than I was when you were around #but for the record 85 of the drama and problems or situations you delt with you got your self into #texting your boyfriends ex girlfriend and then ending up in a fight with him and her and her cousin #you never should have ducking texted her #that was supposed to say FUCK #the friends that stopped talking to you… yeah I know why #the fights you get in with you mom and friends I’m not saying that didn’t deserve some of it but damn you instigated a fucking lot of it #the amount of boyfriends you had in the few years I knew you #yeah that stems from attachment issues #those come from you family #your parents #your brother #sad when I feel like I need to apologize to him even when I know he doesn’t want to here it and he’s probably yell at me over it #you were supposed to be by my side forever but I knew you wouldn’t be #that’s why I kept you at arms distance #I’m glad I did #I know you’re secrets #secrets I will have to take to my grave #secrets I can’t talk to anyone about #the secrets I have to grieve #and you don’t know me as well as you think #because you can’t see past yourself to see anyone else #maybe one day I’ll meet somebody that cares about me as much as I cared about you once upon a time