#but connor in human verse 2 would.... seek out a therapist. for months and months after the conviction he'd want to find...

[detectiveconnor]

the issue with having a second human verse where connor was in love with a guy who turned out to be a serial killer (whom Connor had charged & convicted, because he figured it out before any of his colleagues actually employed in the homicide area saw it) -- the issue with having this verse now is that he keeps handing me little snippets of their life together before he knew David was a killer. of their life together before David started killing people. of their life together when things were good and he loved him and believed him when he said “we”, and “us”. (the problem is that after the conviction, and moving to detroit, connor has tried several different therapists but hasn’t found a single one yet who has offered him the fact he is allowed to Grieve for something that he isn’t sure ever really existed. but it felt real.)

#connor Would be - he - regular human verse connor has never had a therapist outside of the work-mandated ones #because he has not thought it would ..... he HAS thought it would benefit him before but he was denied access when he was young #and he pulled himself out of things. by himself. he worked So Hard to get through the things he got through but he got through them #but connor in human verse 2 would.... seek out a therapist. for months and months after the conviction he'd want to find... #'want' might be a little strong but he literally resigned from his work. he *loves* his work. it is a Low Point #and the people he would normally lean on are all either David's friends or know him through wanting to appeal to his mother #he can Identify He Would Benefit From Outside Support #so after moving to detroit he'd be looking. he just ... wouldn't ... #therapists are hard to mesh with and connor would be exacting. he knows what he wants out of therapy and there are a Lot of therapists #who would not offer it and that's fine. but they're not for him. #anyway #sometimes connor has dreams that are just memories and cries when he wakes up and it's very annoying because he Doesn't miss him #but it's very annoying and exhausting to be tired all the time (sleeping trouble - difficulty sleeping anywhere but at home) #and when he DOES get to sleep he sometimes has to dream about. missing him #sigh #anyway i just wrote about their first night together because connor handed it to me out of nowhere #thank you connor that's very sad actually #(human verse 2 connor is also. not really in control of the eating disorder. he is still trying to... he is still trying but) #(it's taken a backseat lately and he. has. it has been an easy way to try to get some sense of Control) #(he knows it is not healthy but *that* one in particular. the ED. is something he has only Ever *had* to do alone.) #(looked for help before and been Actively Degraded and ignored for it. he is still trying.) #eating disorder tw