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orionsangel86 · 3 years

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SPN Conspiracies - Applying Logic to Chaos

Its been over 2 months now since the Supernatural finale aired. I am still so angry, hurt, and confused by it and I don’t think I will ever get closure unless someone like Andrew Dabb, or Jensen Ackles, actually opens up and gives us an explanation that makes sense.

What annoys me most right now is people trying to gaslight fans into believing that we should accept the narrative we have been given at face value: That the finale was always planned to be that way, that Destiel was never on the cards, that there was no Network interference, that the only changes made were due to covid and were minor at best.

This harmful gaslighting is FALSE.

NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED.

Look, I don’t agree with some of the crazier conspiracy theories. I don’t believe that there was some huge campaign among the CW Network execs to remove anything remotely gay out of homophobia. I don’t believe that the finale was changed because of some desire to make it into a Walker promo. I don’t believe that the finale was really bad on purpose in protest by Dabb for not getting to do an ending he truly wanted. I don’t believe that Dabb left us smart fans a bunch of secret messages in the finale to hint that he was on our side all along and that everything was fake.

I do, however, believe that all of these conspiracy theories have some elements in them that are plausible. At least, more plausible than the bullshit narrative mentioned above that some people are pushing in some desperate attempt to defend the Network (which imo is really strange behaviour anyway - why would anyone care about a TV network with a history of terrible behaviour?!?)

We have facts, based on information provided before the covid lockdown, which for some reason, people like Misha have since backpeddled on. So let me try to outline some of the information that makes no sense.

Below the cut I go on a deep dive into the conspiracies and statements I have heard about the SPN finale and try to make some sense of this whole fucked up situation. It gets long.

1. “Cas was never gonna be in the finale”.

False: We have many fan accounts of Misha confirming that he was filming the finale. We have video evidence of Misha confirming he was going back to film the finale after the lockdown. We have confirmation from fans in Misha M&Gs from March that he had about 5 days of filming left.

We also had fan accounts of discussions with Alex Calvert (I think) where he confirmed the final shot of the final episode was all four of them though I would LOVE if someone can find a source for this.

2. Okay, Misha was gonna be in the finale, but only as Jimmy Novak

False: I heavily side eyed Misha when he said this. But I think I can come up with a plausible explanation for it. Per above, Misha was supposed to film for 5 days. This does not align with the half a day he described of filming as Jimmy Novak. My own belief is that after Cas was cut from the finale (for whatever reason we don’t know) someone (probably Jensen Ackles) put up a fight and complained that Misha should be there for the final episode. The writers probably tried to come up with a way to bring Misha back without having to deal with Cas, and pitched the idea of Jimmy Novak being in Heaven. Misha, obviously annoyed about this, turned this stupid pitch down.

3. Destiel was never a thing, never planned, never part of Dabb’s ending. Bobo and Misha pushing the confession was the part of the season that was Wrong.

False: We have a SPN writer on record saying that Castiel’s confession was the first thing written for Season 15 when the writers returned to the writers room. If it wasn’t planned, why was it the first thing written, why does it align so well with the rest of season 15? Look I know some people either a. hate destiel and refuse to see it even if it slaps them in the face, or b. have major heteronormative goggles on, or c. are just homophobes in denial, but 15x18 fits in perfectly with the narrative of season 15. Everything Cas says, everything that happened in that scene was so in character it just works. It fit. If you just rewatch the season whilst applying some critical thinking skills and pay attention to the narrative and character arcs, trust me, the confession fits in with pretty much every other plot point, and character story in the season.

Also: We have known for a while that the network did market research into Destiel, wanting to know if it would go down well or not. They were well aware of its popularity and considering it. Where would this have come from if not pitched by the showrunner? Dabb must have at least been considering it. If you take all of Dabb era into consideration, starting with mid season 11, all the way through the season 12 build up, season 13 grief arc, and then Bobo’s Destiel break up arc in late season 14, early season 15, it is clear that there was some toing and froing on the issue of Destiel, but ultimately, I still believe that Dabb was on board. He wrote 13x01 for christs sake. No way he wasn’t taking it seriously.

4. It’s always been about the brothers. The finale just stays true to what Supernatural is all about.

*rubs temples* Fundamentally FALSE: The show has time and again reasserted the message of “Family don’t end with blood”, as well as the messages of AKF and YANA. Sam and Dean may be at the heart of the show, but a heart can’t exist without a body to support it. Without bones, and lungs, and blood, and muscles, and a BRAIN. The finale abandons the shows core messages. It forces the characters back into their season 1 characterisations and the whole thing becomes hollow and souless. But I’m not here to complain, I’m here to lay down the facts. Dean’s heaven was supposed to be surrounded by loved ones right? We know OG Charlie Bradbury was gonna be in his Heaven, we also know CAS was gonna be in there. So this idea that the finale as it currently stands was how it was meant to be is wrong. Dean was supposed to die and reunite with his found family and loved ones. This alone would have been a far better ending than the one given. Do I think this was solely a covid issue? Fuck no.

The randoms that WERE in the finale are proof alone that they could have got people in and quarantined. We also have several actors on record saying that they WOULD have quarantined for the finale had they been asked to return but they WEREN’T.

Lies have been told. Samantha Ferris and Chad Limberg have confirmed that we have been lied to about the original plans for the finale.

This alone is proof enough that there is more plausibility in some of the conspiracy theories than any bullshit narrative some people are pushing in defence of the barbaric mess of a finale we were given.

So lets address some of the conspiracy theories now:

Conspiracy No.1: The CW Network reviewed Supernatural during the covid break, and due to homophobia, refused any Destiel arc that wasn’t already filmed, shut down any potential reciprocation from Dean, and forced Dabb to change his finale.

I don’t think this is entirely what happened. But I do think it is very strange how there is a such a huge disconnect particularly in Dean’s characterisations between what had come before the lockdown, and what came after. The one fact we have here, and please someone provide a source if you can find it because I know there is one, the finale script was still going through changes up to only 2 weeks before it was filmed. We know that there was some weird editing in 15x18 (which was still in post and uncompleted before lockdown) and we know from Jensen’s own mouth that there was more to the confession scene on Dean’s side that was cut. We also know that this isn’t the first time that Destiel heavy moments have been changed in post - the prayer scene is another big scene that went through a lot of changes and Bobo fought to have his script play out the way he wanted it.

There are certain things that in my own opinions, are basically true of SPN which I have put together from years of keeping one eye on the writers room, the network, and all the various comments made. My opinion is this:

The writers room has always been split on Destiel. Some writers heavily supported making it canon, others did not care, or were against it.

The Network considered it over the course of several years, did market research, green lit it, then changed their minds, possibly several times over the course of Dabb’s era. Destiel was pitched to the Network early in Dabb era.

The crew on set were also split. Some people heavily supported it, and worked to assist the reading, whereas others did not care/did not support it. The same can be said for the editing room.

Bob Singer supported the subtextual homoeroticism, but never supported bringing it into text (this is an opinion, but I think it aligns with everything we know about him.) IMO Bob Singer also supported subtextual homoeroticism between Sam and Dean - the guy is gross is what I’m saying. He isn’t exactly a progressive person.

Fun fact - a while back our old enemy Sera Gamble went on a Twitter rant about writers rooms and the ways a script goes through changes. I don’t think this was in relation to the SPN finale wank but she basically inadvertantly confirmed that the Network can step in and make sweeping changes to a script if they want to and if they decide they don’t like the direction of a story. Sera Gamble confirmed this as a fact.

Now. I’m not saying that this is what the CW did with Destiel. I just think its very strange how pre lockdown, the last thing filmed is a heartfelt homosexual declaration of love between Dean and Cas, and we have a finale script that Misha had not seen, but knew that he was meant to film as Castiel for 5 days (5 days on set is over half of an episode as far as I know). Then all of a sudden, Covid happens, and Cas is cut from the finale completely, a desperate attempt to bring Misha back only as Jimmy Novak takes place, which Misha rightly refuses, leading to a finale which makes zero sense narratively and appears in every way completely and utterly butchered.

The only explanation provided by anyone involved is that Covid meant changes had to happen - but that covid didn’t change the actual story at all.

But this makes no sense because we know that Cas was cut from the finale. This is FACT. Do not let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Misha was preparing to quaranting to return to set as Cas post Covid, so whatever happened to cut Cas from the finale, it wasn’t Covid.

I’m gonna have to Occum’s Razor this and say that the most logical explanation here is the one that is most likely true. Someone got cold feet with the Destiel story, and to prevent any possible interpretation that included Dean reciprocating, any hints of Destiel were removed from the finale script, including Castiel’s whole appearance.

Now, this isn’t me saying I think that Dabb’s original finale was full of Destiel love confessions and a homosexual kiss or whatever, but I am asking you all to really think about it and ask yourselves WHY Cas would have been totally cut from an episode he was supposed to be in at LEAST half of?

We will probably never know the real reason Cas was cut, but he WAS cut. I’m not saying it was all homophobia, but some fuckery went down.

Conspiracy No. 2: The CW Network changed the finale to make it into a Walker promo because they only cared about raising up Jared and not Jensen and Misha as they were losing them anyway.

I don’t agree with this in terms of the finale being butchered solely to make it into a Walker promo. There are however moments in the finale that are clearly supposed to be Walker Easter Eggs and added to excite fans of Jared/Sam in particular such as Sam’s gratuitous and unnecessary topless scene, as well as the call on the “case in Austin”.

I will take this moment to say something pretty damn controversial though.

*Deep breath*

The fact is, Dean Winchester has been the “lead” character of Supernatural’s narrative for years now, with Sam often being sidelined and not given great storylines himself. Even in Season 15, right up until the finale, I myself felt bad for Sam sometimes because so much of this show has become all about Dean. Jensen Ackles is clearly the better actor when it comes to emotional story arcs, so the emotional heart of the story has most often leant on him.

So you can understand my confusion, when this is turned on its head in the final episode, to make Sam carry all the emotional weight, and have the most lines/screentime, and story resolution (even if his story resolution was just as crappy as Dean’s).

If we pretend that Destiel is not a thing, and ignore Cas’s confession, the story change in the finale from Dean focus to Sam focus is still rather suspicious. Again, I’m not saying I completely approve of or agree to the conspiracy theory that Walker influenced the butchering of the script, but I can believe that perhaps a note went down from the CW to someone like Bob Singer, to emphasise Sam/Jared more than they perhaps would normally, because the CW wanted to shine the spotlight on Jared to raise excitement for Walker.

I can also believe this note might have said something like “we wanna cater to fans of Sam/Jared the most - don’t do anything to piss them off.” but now I am getting into my own conspiracy theories so by all means dismiss this as me being bitter.

Conspiracy No.3: Dabb purposely made it bad, as a secret message to Destiel fans that he had been silenced, by layering meta clues into the episode that he knew fans would notice.

I doubt this one is true. Though some of the theories are quite compelling. The old vampire silent movie theory for instance starts off quite well, but loses me the moment it brings up Urban Dictionary slang.

Sometimes I have just had to accept that Supernatural is a bad show that is sometimes accidentally a masterpiece. However, some writers really did go That Deep with their stories - anything by Ben Edlund or Steve Yockey for instance, their episodes are meta masterpieces with a hundred different layers of beautiful subtextual storytelling and are a joy to analyse. Bobo Berens has certainly done some A+++ work especially now we KNOW that he was working hard all this time to bring Destiel to canon text (so any analysis of Destiel in the subtext in his episodes is very accurate). There have been many other key elements analysed over the years which have been confirmed true. Cas’s death in Season 12, Dean’s time as a demon in season 10, Season 11 ending in unity of dark and light, these were all plot points predicted by meta writers just by analysing the narrative. Sometimes the writers really have been very smart and they do add things to the show to aid us in our meta.

Richard Speight Jr for instance, confirmed that SPN has a visual library that the production team use to give clues and hints in the narrative. Pizza, for example, always means a lie has been told. Whenever Pizza is being eaten or even just mentioned on screen, there is dishonesty in that particular moment.

The beers also have a very specific message and the one thing I can’t let go about the finale, was that Dean was drinking El Sol beer. The beer his dad gave him, that was terrible.

El Sol has been used in the show to indicate something being wrong, a fake reality, or another lie, for the longest time. It is the beer of deception.

The fact that in the final episode of this entire show, Dean is in Heaven, supposedly at peace, and then he gets handed an El Sol beer to drink? Thats a HUGE red flag for any meta writer watching who can read SPNs visual library.

If they had given him the Margiekugel beer of family then it would make sense. Dean is in Heaven, with Bobby, his family, at peace. Margiekugel should have been the beer of choice. But nope. El Sol. Something is wrong.

I don’t know if it was Dabb, or Singer, or some disgruntled ADs and crew members who added these elements into the finale, but their very presence confirms some message of Wrongness.

I could go into a huge rant about Vampire Mimes not making sense and the very glaringly obvious symbolism of cutting out peoples tongues too, but that is high school level film analysis. It’s obvious. It means to silence someone. There is validity in interpreting this as Dabb saying he was silenced. I don’t know how true it is, but i can’t 100% dismiss it, because as I said, this is high school analysis levels of obvious subtextual storytelling.

So in summary, whilst I don’t think that Dabb intentionally went out of his way to sabotage his own script, and leave a breadtrail of secret messages for savvy fans to put together to confirm that he was silenced by an evil network into not getting what he wanted... I do think that there is validity in questioning these odd choices for the finale. Cutting out tongues? Vampire Mimes? El Sol beer?

The evidence is somewhat compelling is all I’m saying. I don’t believe the full conspiracy theories, but as I have said many times before, some fuckery went down.

So What Do I Believe?

That some fuckery went down and whatever company line they are pushing is bullshit.

I believe that the original script included Cas (since thats fact). I believe that the original script probably always had Dean dying on a vampire hunt (due to Jensen’s issues with it and in particular, his sarcastic comments about vampires in the past year or so which in hindsight are hilarious and prove he never really came to terms with Dean’s idiotic death). I believe Dabb’s original script was some less crappy version of what we got, which potentially included showing Jack rescuing Cas from the Empty and resolving the outstanding Empty plot points (potentially this was actually a 15x19 plot since Mark P commented that his final scenes were supposed to be with Jack and Cas), had Cas reunite with Dean in Heaven and had them have a discussion about Cas’s confession. I believe that there was probably a lot of back and forth over how to handle that with some people wanting Dean to obviously reciprocate and others believing they should keep it ambiguous. I believe that Dean and Cas would have reunited with Charlie Bradbury, and Bobby Singer, and possibly others (though if this was the case it must have been very early on since no one ever looped in Sam Ferris, Chad Linberg or any other Roadhouse people).

I believe that Sam’s ending probably didn’t change much, but I do feel that initially they were planning on him ending up with Eileen, because it is the only thing that narratively makes sense. Cutting Eileen and giving him a blurry wife is something I won’t ever understand and Jared’s bullshit explanations are quite clearly pulled out of his ass to appease bronly types. I believe the reunion on the bridge would have included Cas and Jack, with a final shot of all four of them together, at peace (as this aligns with Alex’s comments from around a year or so ago that the final shot was all four of them). (I also am not sure it was always supposed to be on a bridge since the foreshadowing in an earlier episode showed Dean, Cas and Sam all in the Roadhouse together).

I believe that script went through countless changes and redrafts, and not even production people or the types that some fandom people claim as their “sources” would even have seen those early scripts, since even Misha never saw it. I believe that these rumours of Dabb never having Cas in his finale and ignoring all Destiel elements likely come from people who only saw later versions, weren’t party to network discussions and felt bitter about the final scripts they did see (being the crappy butchered one that was ultimately filmed). Those “sources” are now spreading rumours to discredit Dabb.

I obviously believe Dabb is a weak ass pushover who either didn’t care enough to fight back, or gave up since he’s been stuck with fucking Bob Singer on his back for years, but I will NEVER believe he didn’t care about the DeanCas love story, because he has been one of the few writers who has championed for it for years. You can’t look back at Dabb’s episodes in earlier seasons and claim he didn’t care. Dabb was a writer whose creative ideas were beaten out of him by an unforgiving Network only concerned about where their future money was coming from. Do I think he gave up too easily? Yes. But I also have one other huge reason for not believing the bullshit about Dabb being this anti-Destiel villain.

Bobo. Because if Bobo truly believed Dabb was gonna fuck that up at the end, I don’t think he would have given us Cas’s love confession to begin with. If he had known it was gonna end like that, I think he would have reconsidered, because had Cas not confessed his love, I don’t think he would have been cut from the finale. Bobo - a gay man, would not have wanted such a horrible message for queer fans being put across in the show he worked so hard on. He started writing that confession scene the day they returned to the writers room. Dabb would have been there, would have seen what he was writing, probably discussed it with him, after all, other episodes were written with the confession in mind. No way was Dabb planning to fuck up the ending knowing what Bobo was giving us. Nope.

Something went very wrong over lockdown. Someone, somewhere up the chain of power caught wind of the confession scene in 15x18, realised that it demanded a resolution which would make Dean Winchester, their protagonist, queer, and pulled the plug. I believe this did not come from a place of homophobia, but of bad business sense.

The CW is constantly trying to win the approval and attention of the one demo group that they seem to fail at getting the most: young straight men. Supernatural was one of their only remaining shows that appeals to young straight men, and Dean Winchester is more often than not the fave character of those young straight men who project onto him. Making Dean Winchester, established Han Solo of Supernatural, queer and in love with his best friend in the finale would have come across as a betrayal to those young straight men. The CW probably feared they would lose that demo group for good, and with a show like Walker starting soon with Jared at the helm, they couldn’t take the risk.

Hence there was probably a whole bunch of back and forth script redrafts with the Network, with Dabb and Singer fighting to make a finale that would appeal to everyone. There was most likely no way that they could bring Cas back without addressing what had already been filmed, because any resolution of that plot would either a. make Dean queer, or b. address it awkwardly by having Dean reject Cas (this storyline would probably have been slammed by critics worse than the finale because it meant addressing it. It might have got the attention of LGBTQ activist groups and caused a bigger shitstorm than what we got). The best option was therefore C. Bury it and Cas, pretend it never happened. Never address it again and distract Dean with other things. Hope that Destiel fans will accept no answer from Dean as ambiguous enough to imagine a future reunion rather than shutting it down with a rejection, and still keep hold of the blissfully ignorant heteronormative straight boys so they can carry over to Walker when it starts.

I also believe (controversially probably) that there was concern that any resolution of Dean and Cas would have overshadowed network darling Jared Padalecki. If Dean and Cas had come together in the finale, with a very clearly textual homosexual reunion, then that would have been all anyone talked about. The reviewers, the critics, the audience, everyone. It would have been nothing but Dean and Cas (and look, if they did think this, they were right, Destiel trending over the US ELECTION.)

So what is the network to do, when they are losing the two stars who would get the most attention from this storyline? The one star they were holding on to and getting his own show, relegated to third place in the finale of the show where he was first on the call sheet? Nope. That’s pretty unacceptable. Even without Walker I can imagine people at all levels side eyeing the Destiel thing over the years. This IS a show about two brothers, and their relationship should be the core relationship, we can’t have one brother pushed aside in the finale to make way for a queer relationship that will get all the attention instead. It was never gonna get approved for this reason ALONE.

At the end of the day, if I look at it from a business perspective, it makes far more sense that the CW shut down Destiel, rather than “oh Dabb never cared and ruined it because he’s an idiot.” The writers cared, and had built on that story over years. But their mistake was leaving any Destiel resolution to the finale. If they had instead gone and got Dean and Cas together in early season 15, then they could have ended it in a way that satisfied everyone. Destiel wouldn’t have threatened pulling focus away from Sam and Dean, and the show could have gone out on a high.

When I lay out all the conspiracy theories, and line them up next to the cold hard facts, the conspiracy theories in some way or another, make more sense. To believe the company line, the narrative we have been fed, is to ignore your own eyes, ears, and memories pre March 2020.

All I’m asking people to do is take a look at the show, the narrative presented in the show, and the information presented above. I’m not telling you to believe what I’ve written here, half of which is just my own opinion. I’m asking you to ask yourselves if it makes sense to you. Because it sure as hell doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied.

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leafzelindor · 6 years

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So uh, I wrote this last night while drinking. And It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. So Fair Warning for many of my followers this is RPS.

I don’t usually do these things, but sometimes when I’m broody and I realize another human being reminds me of myself I get....stuck in their fictionalized head.

So anyway, if anyone care’s I wrote a little Something from Jared’s point of view/mind and if you want to read it, it’s below the read more. Brief appearance of Gen, but very much a J2 thing.

Very much just a fanfic ramble.

He’d thought once that he could do anything. Even something like keeping a secret was possible. Instead it was miserable, made him feel like he was a terrible person who didn’t deserve to live on earth. At least keeping a secret of this magnitude. Another weekend, another con. Not home with the kids. He loved them. He loved them almost more than anything. Even if…other things were more business, those kids meant so much to him. Jared sighed and adjusted his beanie quietly, carefully. Sinking into the security of it. He could do this. He could play his part.

“Hey, Jared you okay?” Not the voice he wanted. Not the one that really soothed him when he felt like this. “I’m fine Gen….” he said quietly now, though even he could feel the strain. “I’ll call out to you during the panel okay?” He said soflty. He had a role, she had a role. It made everything work, made everyone happy. She was successful by being his wife and he didn’t begrudge her that. She was a good woman, the mother of his babies. He loved her for that. Just not the way everyone thought he did.

“Sure.” She leaned in and pressed a quick kiss on his cheek. “….Jared, have you talked to him?” She asked now. God how did he get so lucky. Someone so wonderful, so understanding. That she’d agreed to all the bullshit.

“..No.” He admitted now. He adjusted the beanie again and took a breath. He felt secure like this. He’d be okay. He just didn’t want another birthday hidden behind fake walls. Acting like he was happy when he was not with the person he loved most in the world.

“I think you should.” She leaned in and kissed him again then gave his shoulder a squeeze before she moved away to be escorted off to take her seat for the panel. Jared watched her go and tried to relax himself. He’d make the proper call out, it would make them happy. He wished that Jensen was here now. Then suddenly he was, his hand curling around Jared’s shoulder, just grounding him.

“How are you today?” Jensen asked quietly now. But it was clear that those beautiful green eyes already knew, comfort item given it away.

“Same old.” Jared glanced around the green room and then let his hand move to cover Jensen’s and give it a squeeze quietly. Somehow that was more calming than almost anything. Like wrapping a blanket around himself.

“Look, we get through the interviews, the panel, and tonight you can crash in my room.” Jensen promised softly now, a little bit of a promise to get him through, support, knowing maybe they could steal a few moments for themselves. It’d been so crazy lately. Filming starting up again, the cons every weekend. Jared could admit it was getting hard to be on, to know that he lived a public lie.

“Misha promises to mostly behave too.” That earned Jensen a little half snort.

“it’s took close to primaries, He won’t behave.” Jared couldn’t stop a smile though. He totally supported it, the way that Misha was trying to encourage people, particularly their fans, his fans to do what they should do.

“yeah well, You know.” Jensen winked easily now. He did know. Both of them and Misha too found cockles fans hilarious. He didn’t even mind how the two of them played it up sometimes. It was pretty entertaining, he found it easy because Jensen would come to him after and Vicky was delighted to remind Misha who he belonged to. Some things were easy today thankfully. “Jared?”

“….You promise I’ll be between you two all day?” He asked quietly now. “I’m….Still..”

“I’m sorry Jared, I wish I could say I was ready,” The answer to the unasked question. “But yes, Misha on one side, me on the other.” Jensen promised now and then there was a soft kiss, one Jared couldn’t help leaning up into. It felt like it’d been forever. He didn’t blame him. He couldn’t blame him. He couldn’t ask Jensen to be something he wasn’t ready to be.

“Thank you” he whispered when the other man pulled away quietly. He let his hand catch Jensen’s though before the other man got far and gave a squeeze. A soft smile crossed Jensen’s face and he knew it was okay. It was going to be okay.

It was easy to be mostly quiet during the panel, he made the callout like promised and did everything he was supposed to. Jensen was there, pressed almost into his side. Misha did his thing and made him smile just a little bit more. The interviews were not as easy to avoid. He knew he had to do them. So he turned himself on, he had to be very on now. And he pushed him himself. Even took off the beanie for a little while.

It was so exhausting though. God being turned on was draining as fuck. Public Jared was hard for him sometimes, especially with the way his brain had been running lately. He was so thankful when it was over, he found himself curled up on the bed in Jensen’s room, watching the other man pour drinks for them.

“The drinks won’t help me.” He pointed out quietly now. He was rewarded with a little smile and then Jensen moved over, holding out a glass that he took automatically before he found himself with a full lap. The green eyed older man just sucking him in, like he always did.

“Drink, and then we’re staying here tonight. An… We’ll talk about it.” Jensen knocked back about half his glass and put it to the side. As much as he wanted to, he could only allow himself a couple sips before he did the same, then reached up to cup Jensen’s face and pull him in for a kiss. This was what he needed. He needed those fingers, that mouth. The man that he’d fell for years ago as a young kid who didn’t know anything about how hard it would be to stay in the closet for the sake of everyone but himself.

“Thank you” He whispered softly.

“Jared….I do love you.” His words were soft and they soothed him a way nothing else had been doing for the last, god he couldn’t think how long. He leaned up for the offered kiss again, his hands moving to settle on familiar hips, gently pulling Jensen closer.

“I love you to… And one day I hope to…..”

“I know.” Two words. He could live with that promise for just a bit longer. As long as he could have this, here and now. It wouldn’t be forever.

#j2

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greenappleeyes · 7 years

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When You Go (Part 4)

Words: 3.4k

Summary: Misha tries to convince the love of his life that he only wants her.

Warnings: Language, feels, smut (vaginal fingering, multiple orgasms, the slightest dirty talk, unprotected shower sex)

A/N: I’m planning on having one more part and possibly an epilogue after that. Who knows, I’m an indecisive person. Tags at the bottom; let me know if you’d like to be added! Also, I love Vicky, no hate, yada yada yada, you know the drill.

—————

It had been 5 days since the convention and your night spent with Misha. To put in mildly, you were miserable. Sleep didn’t come easily; when it did you were plagued with either nightmares about your breakup, or worse, dreams of better days; days with Misha. The nightmares at least matched how you felt when you were awake and you could grow numb. The dreams fooled you, briefly, into feeling like everything would be alright. Tonight was one of those nights.

————–

“Dmitri Tippens Krushnic! You sick son-of-a-bitch! You are dead! You hear me? DEAD!!“ your voice echoed across the asphalt between trailers.

You stormed into Misha’s trailer where he was casually lounging sitting on his couch, arms behind his head with the biggest, self satisfied grin plastered on his face. “Ah-ha, Ma Chérie,” he giggled in an obnoxious French accent. “What’s up?”

“What’s up?! What the fuck is this, Misha?!” you shouted as you gestured to the ridiculously short French maid outfit you were wearing. “Where the hell are my clothes?!”

With mock surprise he covered his mouth and gasped, “Those aren’t yours?!” He stood up and stepped behind you and lifted the back of your skirt to peek underneath letting out an obnoxious mock French laugh.

You swatted his hand away and tried not to smile, “What if someone saw me? You didn’t even leave me any underwear!” you spoke in a hushed whisper, even though no one outside the trailer could hear you.

He simply smiled while moving to kneel in front of you having you lean back against the wall. Seeing him look up at you like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen started to melt your anger away. He placed a kiss on your knee and trailed his lips upward. Lifting your skirt, exposing the bare flesh between your legs, he smiled up at you again. “Happy Anniversary, Baby.” He kissed up your inner thigh until he was almost where you desperately needed him. “Mmmm, baby, I lo…”

BEEP BEEP BEEP

The sound of your alarm jerked out out of your sleep. “Fuck!” you yelled out as you rubbed your eyes. Now you were desperately turned on, lonely, and missing the last person you wanted to see. You closed your eyes and let yourself remember the rest of that day. You had great sex in his trailer, he made you dinner while you made dessert, and you fell asleep with your head in his lap while he read you some of his favorite poetry. It wasn’t a glamorous first anniversary, but it was perfect. You opened your eyes again once you realized your pillow was now soaked in the tears that were gently streaming down the sides of your face. Sniffling, you uttered a final “Fuck” before wiping your face and getting out of bed.

The day passed like the last 4 had. You weren’t due back for filming until the end of the month, so you spent your days wallowing in self pity. Today though, you had the addition of a nagging feeling that got worse the more you ignored it. You knew exactly why you had that dream last night, but you really didn’t want to think about it.

4 years. Today would have been your 4th anniversary with Misha. You stopped looking at your phone because even seeing the date in the screen would upset you. It became too much and you couldn’t handle it anymore. So you decided to go back to bed before the sun dropped below the horizon.

—————

You woke up suddenly to the sound of something hitting your bedroom window and music playing outside. You grumbled as you walked over to the window to see Misha standing on your lawn with an old boom box that was playing ‘In Your Eyes’ by Peter Gabriel.

After opening the window, you yelled down to him, “Mish, what the hell are you doing? It’s late, someone’s gonna call the cops!” You were able to lower your voice when he stopped the music. “Come on, man. Are you really going all ‘Say Anything’ on me?”

He shrugged, “That depends. Is it working?” There he goes again; you want to be so angry with him but you still have to hold back a smile. He was too dorky and adorable for his own good.

You were going to remain strong tonight though. “Misha, I know you’re scheduled to shoot tomorrow. It’s late, go home.” Then you closed your window and crawled back into bed, knowing sleep would not be coming tonight.

About 30 minutes passed and you were still a mess. Seeing Misha was hard enough because of his Cusack move on your lawn. But being that he did it on the date of your anniversary made it so much worse. You had assumed he didn’t even remember what day it was, which actually upset you more. You were torn from your thoughts by an odd noise coming from downstairs.

“Well, if I get murdered in my house tonight at least I won’t have to deal with all this bullshit anymore!” you joked to yourself. You knew houses made noises on occasion, so you weren’t really that concerned. That is until you remembered that you forgot to set your security alarm before going to bed and the odd noises started sounding like footsteps acceding the stairs.

You stood in the dark by your bed playing every violent home invasion scenario you’d seen on TV. When your bedroom door started to creak open you screamed and threw the closest thing you could grab towards the intruder; your bedside lamp. You had terrible aim as it crashed against the wall, nowhere near the door or your soon-to-be murderer.

“Jesus, Y/N! A lamp? Really? I’m lucky your aim is awful.” an all too familiar voice called out in the dark before flipping on the main light.

You winced at the sudden light as you yelled, “Are you kidding me, Misha?! Your broke into my fucking house?! I could have called the cops or tried to stab you or something.” You huffed and rolled you eyes, “How’d you get in anyways? You left your key behind when we broke up.”

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, unsure if he really wanted to admit how he got in. “Yeah, uh, you have a window downstairs that doesn’t lock right. You should really get…”

You cut him off by snapping at him, “Get it fixed?! Yeah, the same window I had asked you to fix a year and a half ago that you never got around to doing? That window?!” That may or may not have been a bit of a sore subject for you. Misha was great, but he was scatterbrained as hell.

He winced when he remembered how many times you had asked him to fix it. He had intended on getting to it several times, but his busy schedule often caused it to slip his mind. “Sorry. Yeah, I… uh.. I can… No, I will fix it for you this week. I promise.”

Your eyes rolled so hard it almost hurt, “Whatever, Misha. It’s late, you’ve got to shoot tomorrow… oh right, and a fucking fiancée to get home too!” You were so caught up about the window and the fear of getting murdered that you almost forgot about Vicky. “Please, just, leave me alone.” The words came out more sad than angry. You were too emotionally exhausted to stay angry apparently.

He grabbed you gently by your shoulders to pull you into a tight hug before explaining himself. “Sweetheart, I don’t have a fiancée. Vicky needed help planning a wedding. We broke up months ago. I’m sorry. I tried to call and tell you, but you shut me out again.”

You stood still for a moment, unsure on how to proceed due to the shock and embarrassment washing over you. When you were finally able to speak, all you could utter was a quiet “What?”

You expected him to gently lecture you about how you never gave him a chance to explain, how you just blocked him out again, or how awful it made him feel that you had such distrust for him. He didn’t. He gently cupped the sides of your face, with his long fingers moving back to tangle in your hair. Before you even had a chance to appreciate the physical touch, his lips were in yours.

Initially letting out a squeak from the sudden movement, you quickly sank into the kiss. Without separating your lips, Misha whispered, “I love you.” He pulled back to stare into your eyes before continuing. “So fucking much. I’m not doing this anymore, ok? I love you, you love me. That’s it, that’s all that matters. If you try to push me away, I’ll just hold on tighter. I will handcuff you to the bed if that’s what it takes to keep you from leaving. You’re mine and I’m yours. Forever, get it?”

You were filled with so many emotions. He was so demanding and passionate and… hot! But he was also so loving and forgiving. You stood there with your lips parted and eyes wide, not able to respond. He quickly returned to his goofy adorable self by responding your you in an exaggerated, high pitched voice, “Oh Misha! I love you too! Let’s get married and have thousands of babies!” Returning to his normal voice, he responded to himself, “Well, Y/N, if you insist. But maybe not thousands.”

He continued this mock conversation with himself for another 5 minutes. You were laughing so hard you had tears running down your face. You finally decided to stop him when he started pretending to make-out with himself while humming back and forth between high and low pitches. “Ok, stop! Now you’re getting weird….er.”

“Thank God you stopped me! I almost got to 3rd base!” he said with a laugh as he wrapped his arms around your waist again. He pressed his forehead to yours and his expression became serious again. “I mean it. I love you and I’m not going to let anyone separate us again, even you.” He furrowed his brow in concern before stating, “Ok, that was a little more creepy than intended.”

“Is that any creepier than you telling me you’re going to chain me to the bed?” you asked with a wink while wrapping your arms around his neck. “You’re such a dork….but, I guess, you’re my dork.”

“I could chain you to the bed, you know; if that’s what you’re into,” he said with a cheeky grin. Bringing his mouth right next to your ear with his voice suddenly dropping to a low, seductive tone, “Arms above your head, unable to fight against me. Just have to lay there, taking everything I have to give you.” He began placing open mouthed kisses under your ear and down your neck and he backed you towards the bed.

“Fuck…Misha..” came out in a breathy moan. You had missed him and his touch so much over the last year. The night you spent together after the convention only left you wanting more. Part of you felt like you should take this slow, the other part wanted him to be inside you and never leave.

He must have picked up on your slight hesitation when he stopped all movement, “Is this ok? We.. uh… can take this slow if we need to. I don’t want to rush you.”

You laughed at his sudden change in demeanor “Baby, I would have stopped you if I didn’t want this. Now, who am I getting tonight: sweet Misha or this new, dominating Misha?” you asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“How about somewhere in the middle? Tonight should probably be more romantic, shouldn’t it?” he asked back with a smile. He kissed you lightly on the lips before continuing, “Happy Anniversary, sweetheart.”

You wanted to cry, you wanted to laugh, you wanted to fuck him so hard neither of you could walk tomorrow. “Happy Anniversary, Misha.” was all you could say before you pulled him into a passionate kiss as you both dropped to the bed.

His hands roam your body with his lips on yours again was a feeling you could never get tired of. That is, until a sudden realization hit you causing you to push him away from you. “Misha, stop. Wait.”

He looked down at you, his face full of confusion, worry, and a hint of annoyance, “Y/N, you’re kind of giving me mixed signals here. What’s wrong, sweetheart. If we’re moving too fast…”

“No, no. That’s not it.” you said quickly, cutting him off. “I just… I’ve been mopey all week. You know how I get when I’m like that.” He continued to look confused, not understanding the problem. “Babe, I haven’t showered in forever! I’m gross. I don’t even remember if I brushed me teeth today! My mouth must taste awful!”

He leaned down to kiss you again briefly and smiled. “You and your flawed logic. First, you’d never be gross to me. Second, don’t you remember when I dragged you camping with me. We didn’t really bathe the whole week and we fucked like rabbits.” He leaned down to kiss you again, deeper this time before pulling back to look at you again. “You’re mouth tastes fine. Mmm, garlicky”

“Shut up! I didn’t even eat garlic today! ” you yelled while slapping his chest. You were still self conscious, but laughed at his attempt to make you feel better.

“Fine, I guess we’re moving this to the shower then.” he said while pulling you up and dragging you to your bathroom.

You relaxed under the almost-too-hot spray of your shower. Misha had his arms wound tight around your waist while peppering your neck with light kisses. “Mmm, as good as that feels Mish, I’ve gotta get clean before the hot water runs out.” you warned.

“Fine.” he pouted. “But I’m helping!” He grabbed your shampoo and began massaging it into your scalp earning a relaxed moan from you. He let you rinse and repeated the actions with conditioner. Lowering down to your ear, he spoke gruffly, “Now the fun part.” Standing a full hight again, he cocked his head and smiled. “Well, no THE fun part. But A fun part.”

You chuckled and responded in a relaxed tone, “Mmhm. Whatever weirdo.”

He ran the soapy wash cloth over your back and shoulders and laughed, “Have you met me? Hi, I’m Misha, licensed weirdo.”

You were about to give a sarcastic comeback until he reached around to “clean” your breasts. He always seemed to more time than necessary “cleaning” there. He lightly squeezed them and placed lingering kisses on your neck. You could only let out a small moan in response making him smile against your skin.

Slowly, he moved his hands and the wash cloth down your stomach. You instinctively reached your hand up to thread your fingers through his hair and turned to kiss him. It only took a second for the kiss to turn into a heated, passionate make-out session. Your tongues fighting each other for dominance. He finally broke the kiss and cocked his eyebrow at you, “I thought you wanted to get clean. You’re very distracting.”

Grabbing the hand holding the wash cloth, you brought it down between your legs. “You better get on with it then.”

He rubbed the cloth between your legs for a second before his turned you to face away from him again and dropped the cloth. He brought his soapy fingers back down to slide through your folds, keeping the pressure just hard enough to get you worked up. His free hand moved to roll a nipple in his fingers while he pressed open mouthed kisses to your neck.

You could only moan and lean your head back on his shoulder and grip his hair again. Your moans got louder as he slipped a finger inside you and continued light strokes on your clit with his thumb. “Fuck, baby, you’ve got no idea what those noises do to me.” He smiled as you pressed your ass against his erection. “Or maybe you do.”

He added a second finger and curled them; rubbing the pads of his fingers against your g-spot. You yelled out his name as your legs began to tremble. “Misha, fuck, I’m close.” was all you could gasp out.

He could feel you clench around his fingers. “Ok, baby. Come for me, come on my fingers. Let me hear you, don’t hold back.” he growled into your ear, knowing how much you loved it when told you to come for him.

You were lucky that Misha was strong enough to hold you up or else you would have collapsed. Your orgasm hit you hard; letting only a small, strangled groan come out. Misha pulled his fingers from you slowly and ran his fingers soothingly over your sex.

“Baby,” he whined, “I said I wanted to hear you. You barely made a sound. Can you stand yet?”

“Yes. I think so.” you panted out. It took you a second to catch your breath and regain your footing.

“Ok, come here, baby.” He leaned back against the wall and pulled your back to his chest. He lifted your leg and placed your foot on the ledge you use for shaving. “Brace yourself baby, gotta make this one count.” he said darkly as he lined himself up with your entrance and slamming you down on him.

You cried out, loudly, at the sudden fullness. “There she is…. Theres my girl…. Let me hear you, baby.” He grunted out the words between each hard thrust.

He felt himself fast approaching his edge and needed to get you there with him. He slowed his movements to try compose himself. He grinned and grabbed your handheld shower head. “Hmmm, what’s this. It’s got a pulse setting. You ever use this on yourself, babygirl?” he asked playfully.

Of course you had used it before; you had been painfully single for the last year. You wanted to bring your thoughts to his attention; but you were cut off when he brought the spray directly to your sex. The feeling of the pulse setting alone is intense enough on its own. Add in the feeling of his free arm wrapped around your waist, his lips on your neck, and his cock pounding into you; that was enough to send you careening towards your own orgasm.

This time, you came screaming, much to Mishas delight. He followed you with a shout of his own. You both just stood there for a moment to catch your breaths as the handheld shower head was left dangling and momentarily forgotten.

Misha came back to reality faster than you. He slowly slipped out of you and used the rapidly cooling wanted to rinse you both off. He turned off the water and helped you out of the shower before scooping you up, bridal style, and carried you back to your bed.

“Ew, my pillows going to be a wet.” you whined sleepily.

Pulling the blankets up over your cooling bodies, he chuckled at your complaint. “You were the one who insisted on the shower. That’s on you.”

“You were the one that fucked me into a such boneless state that I couldn’t dry myself off properly.” you yawned out. Even with your wet hair, you managed to get comfortable snuggled in close to Misha. “I guess I can complain too much about that though.”

He chuckled and pulled you in tighter. “You’re welcome for that.” He kissed your wet hair and smiled at the situation. A little over a year ago, his world all but fell apart. Now, he had you back and he was never letting go. “I meant what I said earlier. I’m never walking away from this, from you, ever again. And I’m not going to let you either. Happy Anniversary, Y/N, I love you.”

You would have cried if you weren’t so tired. You felt the same way he did. You were never letting go either. The last year had been hard and you’d need to talk to him about it at some point. But, not right now. Right now was all you could ever wish for. Of all the things you could say to him in that moment, the only thing you could muster was a sleepy “I love you too, Misha.”

—————

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