#but all of my exams are online and open book so i cant complain too much u know

[merverelli]

chase brody skates jacksepticeye told me himself

#jacksepticeye #septicart #chase brody #jacksepticart #jacksepticegos #just like art #oh my GOD ive had a rough semester #i had THREE WHOLE ASSIGNMENTS DUE ON FRIDAY #TWO OF THEM WERE REPORTS. THE LAST ONE WAS A VIDEO LEARNING RESOURCE. #it all got done but at what COST #AND I HAVE 27 LECTURES TO CATCH UP ON #IM 27 LECTURES IN THE HOLE #*moe szyslak voice* THEYRE GONNA TAKE MY THUMBS #it should be fine i have like a week to catch up but holy fuck #nightmare month #but all of my exams are online and open book so i cant complain too much u know #also for halloween i dressed up like marge simpson and the costume was all handmade #so thats why im so behind BUT i was the best dressed (not to toot my own horn i was complimented alot and told this) #(but also im tooting my own horn it fucking ruled im so proud of my baby) #so it was absolutely worth it #it was in a private function room at a pub and we had to walk though all of the tables/dining area/bar area to get there #and everyone was looking at me lmfao #i lived my model on the runway moment right there and then #people where laughing in their cars at me too LMAOOO it was a good night #anyway its late! good night! maybe more art soon idk man! #ily goodnight!

[broliever]

so i was supposed to have an 8am final this morning, but bc the class's reader didnt print out enough copies, the professors basically turned the final into an online open book exam. and guess who did basically the entire fucking study guide for who knows how many fucking people??? :^^) me ofc i just love being exploited of my free emotional and physical labor hmmMMMM. tbh i havent felt this exploited snd cheated in such a long fucking time and honestly this feeling brings back a whole bunch of terrible memories. a part of me tho is like "bitch u didnt have to do the entire study guide this is ur own damn fault" and even "u didnt even do that much work why u complaining u literally copy pasted and highlighted anybody could've done that" but then another part of me wonders why its even that big of a deal, why i cant seem to stop thinking about it, why its been running constantly at furious speeds in my head for the past hour. and i know, logically, its like not that big. i know ive been hella exploited before, and even tho that doesnt make this instance okay, that i should be used to dealing with it by now. but also its just that so many things have been piling up, yknow? like ive been depressed out of my fucking ass for god knows how long and this week has been such a fucking low for me. i havent had to struggle to shower or to get out of bed or do basic chores for so long and i just feel... incomplete? constantly dissatisfied? with my life, with what im doing, with myself. and i didnt need this to make me feel even more useless and expendable and replaceable. i feel used and betrayed and hurt and i feel like im never shown the same kind of courtesy as other people, yknow? and yet again theres the part of me that shifts all the blame to myself, that constantly tries to invalidate me. that other people have their own shit to deal with and i should be helping, even tho i know been dealing with way too much myself. that i should give other people more slack, that i shouldnt be so needy or pushy, that ill just end up pushing everybody in my life away if i speak up and demand my needs be recognized. that i dont even know what i truly need so who i am to ask anyways? im just... so tired... of all of this, of not taking care of myself well enough of not being taken care of by other people well enough, of being always too much for myself and the people in my life. and i, i just need everything to really truly stop, even the good things because i cant handle any of it anymore. and im scared bc i know in the very near future (read: spring quarter) im going to have to keep handling everything. even tho this quarter completely fucking broke me and left me shattered in pieces, im going to have to build myself up even fucking stronger just to be shattered again bc who knows what kinda shit the world will decide to throw at me, and the people i love. but i just... i cant take that kind of responsibility, i cant handle the responsibility of my own emotions and im... im so lost. im scared and im tired and i feel like im hella spiraling and i cant stop. 

#negative #personal #i'm so fucking done with the world and myself lmao :^^)