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#but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about
manasurge
·
3 months
Text
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#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity
#am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about
#i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy
#why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies
#this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most
#i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out
#it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself
#i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk
#also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it-
#- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop
#i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me
#not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE
#no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me.
#not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse
#but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about
#-everything lmao
#stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse
#delete later probably idk lmao
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