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analvelocity · 4 years

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Rubbernecks

This is a submission I wrote for @thewebcomicsreview‘s “Write a Story You Worthless Piece of Shit”, a writing prompt meme with prompts silly enough that I wanted to try my hand at one of them. I realized I haven’t written any prose recently and I felt the itch, so thanks Daniel for giving me an excuse to go mad in front of a Word Doc for way too many hours.

This one, uh, got away from me, but I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope people have at least half as much fun reading it. The prompt I chose was as follows: A middle-aged southern redneck truck driver finds the legendary Kitsune-Neko Katana, the only weapon that can save the world from an invading alien race.

You can find all 4,600+ words of Rubbernecks below the cut.

ANALVELOCITY DOT TUMBLR PRESENTS: RUBBERNECKS

Bobby cracked open the window and felt the now-cooling Mohave air ripple through his cap. As the sun hid once more behind the end of the road, he took off his aviators and hooked them over the top button of his shirt. It was going to be one of the long ones, he could feel it. Just him and the white lines 20 feet ahead of him as he directed 40 tons of cargo through the dusty blackness. This was home to him, and if he was one of those strange monk fellers, he’d much rather be meditatin’ here than on a mountaintop. It was for this reason he chose to leave his radio off, letting the breeze whip his ears at 65 miles an hour as he breathed a sigh of contentment.

This was the life. No Garth Brooks or radio chatter to disturb his personal zen. Always the feelin’ of progress, feelin’ like no matter where you’re gon’ end up, you’ll be right where yer’ meant ta be. When all was said an’ done, there was nothin’ more peaceful than- BOOM. A ripple shook his steel cocoon as he felt an electric shock run from his toes to the last remnants of his hairline. Stunned for a moment, he glanced to his right as he saw blames bellowing out of a line of Joshua Trees running about half a mile of the highway. He could feel ol’ Bessie begin to wobble and shake, and Bobby knew that was a sure sign that he should pull up. As Bobby stepped out of the truck, he felt a blast of hot air lash at his face. He reached into one of the back pockets of his jeans and pulled out a crumpled box of cigarettes. He felt around his pockets. Nothing. He looked up at the door, then again at the bent cigarette in his mouth. With a sigh, he walked up to one of the nearby burning plants and lit it. As he took a couple of puffs and surveyed the landscape, he saw it. At the end of the trail of flame, a series of blinking lights. Now Bobby here was no Boy Scout, but he knew Morse Code when he saw it. “Prob’ly one of them there Wright Brothers types gettin’ ambitious.” He chuckled to himself as he began to walk toward the lights. Far as Bobby was concerned, the ground was good enough for him. His eyes began to readjust to the darkness as he approached the source of the fire. His eyes widened. That was no airplane. The flaming ball of chrome sticking out of the cracked earth before him looked like it had no doors or windows, but as he stepped around it he noticed a single hole burned through what he presumed was the side of it. He inspected the hole, and realized that whatever shot this thing, used some serious hardware. The kind of hardware Jimmy One-Eye would probably give his left nut just ter’ get a look at. Bobby had dealt with more busted radiators in his time than he could count, so he knew this thing was goin’ to be too hot to touch. Still, he left his gloves and kit in the truck, and he needed to get this cargo to LA before morning so he wasn’t interested in staying any longer than he needed to. Bobby’s task was simple - see if there were any survivors, and leave the rest to whatever guvamint acronym dealt with flaming sky eggs. No time to get this engine back runnin’, assumin’ this thing even had an engine.

Wrapping his baseball cap around his right hand, he tested the egg by poking it. Cold to the touch. Cautiously, he put the hat back on his head and placed his bare hand on the surface of the object. A series of beeps. Some more flashing lights. A ripple in the surface, and then beginning to shudder and groan. Bobby stepped back.

The shuddering began to grow and grow in intensity, shivering and rippling as it morphed into alien shapes. Bobby stepped back once more.

Then it stopped. Then it made a tiny, almost imperceptible dinging sound. Then it spat out a girl. At this point Bobby didn’t know how to react. But if he didn’t the egg sure didn’t either as it flung the girl several feet in the air, landing her face-first with a thud at his feet. Bobby leaned over and checked her pulse. He couldn’t feel anything. He rolled her on to her back. She looked Asian, that much he was sure, and covered in deep lacerations and burns from head to toe.

She seemed young, definitely too young to be out of high school. She wore a short blue skirt, the kind of short that would make the most progressive mother clutch her pearls. A white shirt that seemed way too small, exposing her belly button. An odd-looking boy scout necktie that seemed to glow in the dark. She looked like one of those girl hero types that he caught lil’ Jenny watchin’ back at home from time to time. And in her hand, the most absurd looking blade he’d ever seen in his life.

It was long thin blade, with what looked like nine fox tails working as a guard at the hilt. Several inscriptions of cats, were engraved on the blade, each one glowing a searingly bright pink.

“Well that there’s a bit fruity, ain’t it.” He reached down to check her pulse. Nothing. Bobby furrowed his brow. He took his hat back off and wiped the sweat off his forehead. With a sigh, he reached for the sword clasped in her hand and picked it up. What happened after was immediate. The girl’s clothes shifted into some kind of modest private school uniform. But more frighteningly, Bobby felt a surge of energy flow through the sword. Bobby’s world shook, and then everything went black.

********

“Wake up, Chosen-Senpai.”

Bobby shuddered awake to see a blurry figure standing over him. As his eyes adjusted to the bright lights around him, he sat up and felt the shallow pools of water rippling between his fingers. “I ain’t in the Mojave anymore.” As he looked around him, he could see the girl more vividly now. The same girl he pulled from the wreckage, but strangely uninjured.

“Very astute of you, Senpai.” Bobby eyed her with a mix of scorn and confusion. He looked at her, she looked at him. After what felt like half a minute of waiting for the other to say something, Bobby decided to break the ice. “Where ar-“ “The sword holds the past lives of all who have wielded it before. This is the realm where the Chosen meet, to share their combined knowledge and experience with the Hero who wields it.” Bobby’s eyebrow slowly raised. “Who ar-“ “My name is Sakura. Heiress to the GenkiNeko toy chain, forty-seventh wielder of the Neko-Kitsune sword, slayer of the Kawaiiju. I will be your spirit guide on your journey as you continue my work, as the previous owners of the sword have done before me.” Bobby stood up. “Now wait here missy, I ain’t about t-“ “You are the forty-eighth wielder of the Neko-Kitsune sword. It is your destiny.” “I’m a trucker. The only destiny I got is-” “Listen, old man, I like this even less than you do. But the Kawaiiju aren’t going to stop with me. Whether you like it or not, you will need to face them.” Bobby laughed. “Let’s see how these illegal immig’rints handle the 12-gauge I got in the back. I don’t need no’ gay knife fer’ tha-“ “Your shotgun will have no impact on the Kawaiiju, Senpai. Only the sword can pierce their flesh” “Well ain’t that convenient.” Bobby was stunned for a second. He actually finished a sentence with this crazy woman. “What-“ “You must take the sword and follow your path. The sword is just a blade in your hands now, but the Power of Friendship will ignite the Neko-Kitsune Sword’s true power.” “No.” “What?” “I’m not goin’ ter do it. I don’t even know what you want me ter do-“ “You have no choice. It is your destiny.” Bobby scoffed. “Lady, this here?” he gestured to the void surrounding them. “This is America. And it’s my gosh-durned right to do whatever I want. That’s the American wa-” Sakura rolled her shoulders backward and groaned into the sky. “Burgerland, of course. Why did I have to crash here?” Bobby chuckled, looked at the sword still clasped in his hand, then smiled. “Listen, Say-koo-ruh. What if I take this thing to the nearest truck-stop and give it to the first teenager that rolls by?” She paused, pinching her chin between her thumb and forefinger. “That, uh, might work? But there’s a pro-”

“Good, it’s settled then. Now I don’t want ter hear any more of this talk about Nee-Koes and Keet-Soons and Cow-Why-Juice, you hear me?” She shrugged, an almost resigned smirk on her face. “Fine. But when what happens happens, make sure you keep the blade nearby. The last think we need is humanity’s last hope in the hands of an alien invader.”

Bobby shrugged dismissively, and for a while the two stood there for a moment in awkward silence.

“So what the heck is a Sen-Pi-“

********

Bobby shuddered awake, sweating. He checked his watch. Damn, he’d been snoozing out here for 15 minutes. If his boss called in while he was out here, that was probably comin’ out of his paycheck.

“Strange dream.”

He looked around. The sword was still in his hand, but the body was gone. Bobby decided it was probably best not to question it, as he shrugged and made his way back to the truck. On the way, he considered throwing the sword away, but something prevented him.

“Could probably get gas money selling this to a scrapyard.” Bobby chuckled. In fact, now that he thought about it, that didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

By the time Bobby was settling back into the driver’s seat, he’d already decided on the place – a scrapper mentioned by Billy-Bob in the Trucker’s Network just off the beaten track. And better yet – still on the way to LA.

The past hour, he thought, must have been a hallucination. There were certainly enough engine fumes to rationalize that as such, but a Japanese schoolgirl? That one was certainly new. A pang hit him as he warmed up the engine – was this guilt? Bobby quickly brushed the feeling aside as he pressed his foot against that familiar accelerator.

********

thru-thrum.

A few hours had passed, and a strange feeling washed over Bobby as the white lines on the empty road began to blur together. Hair standing at the back of his neck. A chill of… anticipation? He pushed it aside as he reached to the passenger seat for another cig- hang on, was the sword glowing?

thru-thrum. One eye on the road, he looked across the car and sure enough, leaning against the glovebox was that girly blade. The inscriptions were now pulsing, but the blade itself was now glowing with a pink hue that was growing steadily brighter. This time, Bobby knew he wasn’t hallucinating. thru-thrum. thru-thrum. “The Kitsune-Neko senses her prey. The hunt begins.”

That familiar voice.

THRU-THRUM. THRU-THRUM.

“But who is the hunter, and who the hunted?”

“Oh fuck me! Now I’m hearin’ the dead!” THRU-THRUM. THRU-THRUM.

Bobby wiped the sweat off his brow. His head was pounding. His hands were shaking. And then, in the corner of his eye, he glanced something in his rear-view mirror. Something advancing. His eyes widened as terror ripped the breath from his throat.

THRU-THRUM. THRU-THRUM. THRU-THRUM.

Something giant was slithering along the road at an incredible speed, steadily, advancing on ol’ Bessie. Like a Beanie Baby fucked a Kraken. And it looked livid. Bobby didn’t think. He punched the gas and picked up the microphone on the CB Radio. Shaking, he clicked the button and spoke. “10-33, 10-33. This is Freebird, callin’ from the Interstate 40 en route to Shakytown.” He paused for a moment. “10-33 please respond.” Static. Second after uncomfortable second rolled by. And then, a familar;

“5 by 5, this is the Ludlow Watering Hole. What’s your situation? Over.” He breathed a sigh of relief. But that relief was fleeting as the spectre loomed over his rear-view. But now he knew Maeve was in town. This varmint was gon’ find out the meaning of Southern Hospitality. “I’m about 20 minutes east of your position. I got the hammer down and a bogey on my tail. I need all the drivers you have. And guns. As many as you got. Over.”

A moment.

“Copy that. I’ll contact the boys. You know, I wouldn’t do this for just anyone.” Another sigh of relief. “Oh, and Freebird? Welcome back. Over.” Bobby hung up the mic and glanced at his rear-view. Yep, definitely close now. Whatever he was going to do, he would have to do it fast. And hopefully Maeve wasn’t dragging her feet. THRU-THRUM. THRU-THRUM. THRU-THRUM.

The sound was very loud now, the sword to his right now shimmering with light, shivering like it was itchin’ for a fix of the good stuff. And that’s when he saw the sign - Fender Joe’s House of Scrap. A lightbulb moment – if he was gon’ take this thing on, with or without the Trucker Network, one of them was gon’ die in that metal graveyard. He twisted the steering wheel to the left, and felt Bessie tilt with him. But Bobby knew Bessie like she was his second wife. And with a flourish, the truck righted itself as he flew through the exit. The pursuer was not as elegant, slamming itself into the wall of a nearby overpass, splattering glowing technicolor blood. But the blood stopped in midair, and rushed back to its host as the tentacled monstrosity regained its composure and resumed its pursuit. As it did, the radio once more crackled into life. “10-8, 10-8. Freebird, we have some boys heading to your position. What is your situation with the bogey? Over.” Bobby had never been so overjoyed to hear anyone speak over that radio. He picked the mic back up. “10-4. I’m about to dig in at Fender Joe’s. Get here as quick as possible. 4-10? Over.” A moment.

“Negatory, you’re a Mud Duck. Please repeat, over.”

“I said, I’m at Fender J-“ The truck slammed through the gates of the scrapyard as he hit the brakes. Carefully adjusting the steering wheel, he shifted the handbrake and the truck whipped around, skidding through the clay for tens of feet before glancing the piles of old whitegoods littering the compound. No time to think. Bobby reached behind his seat and pulled out his 12-Gauge and a few boxes of ammo. “This is going to be Freebird’s last stand.” He thought as he stepped out of the truck and turned to face the entrance. His rearview told him that objects may be larger than they appear. That was a gosh-durned understatement. The Kawaiiju before him stood at least 20 feet tall, with a mass of tentacles ripping through the fence as it advanced on him. As the creature drew closer, he could faintly hear the sound of… was that meowing? “Okay, I know you’re new to this country so lemme teach you somethin’ about the Second Amendment!” he shouted at the creature, as he unloaded two shotgun shells directly into its My Little Pony-lookin’ face. It doubled back and made a high-pitched, ear-piercing shriek, and then rearranged its face back into its original shape. Bobby laughed. Clearly this thing didn’t get the memo, he thought to himself as he popped some new shells into his gun. He was preparing his next one-liner when an errant tentacle whipped him, sending the man careering into a pile of old toasters.

********

“Ergh… Just give me a sec” he said to the figure looming over him. It took a moment for his clearly concussed brain to register that a familiar Japanese girl was standing over him. He fumbled around helplessly on his bed of toasters for a moment until he looked across the compound, realizing that his shotgun was currently sinking into the creature’s bags of flesh.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed. Hearing him, the creature whipped around and began rushing toward him.

“Reach out your arm.”

“What?”

“Just do it. And say, ‘Neko Neko Nii!’” “WHAT?”

The creature was once again looming over him now.

“Just do it!”

Bobby blushed and gritted his teeth. “Argh! Neko Neko Nii!”

The Kawaiiju raised a clawed tentacle in the air, and slammed it down above him. SHWING!

Bobby opened his eyes. Somehow, he was still alive. With a pink sword in his hand, held above his head. The creature’s tentacle sliced clean off, wriggling limply on the toaster bed at his side. Sakura laughed. “I can’t believe you actually said that.” Bobby didn’t have time to think. Primal survival instinct kicked in as he shot up, grabbing the hilt of the blade with both hands as he slashed at tentacle after tentacle that whipped at him. And one by one, they all fell. The Kawaiiju roared mightily once more as it threw its full weight at Bobby, who ducked to the side and with one swift uppercut, slashed right through the creature’s torso. Neon blood spewed everywhere, coating Bobby as he wiped the goo from his eyes. The Kawaiiju was hurting now, that’s for sure. “Yeah! How’d you like that?” The creature stood still for a second, then the blood once more began to return to its body, peeling itself from the toasters, the sword, and Bobby himself. Sakura, still standing with her thumbs hooked into the pockets of her blazer, looked on at this with mild bemusement. The tentacles wriggled back into life as they crawled like worms back to their host, reattaching themselves to the sockets as Bobby looked on in horror. He clutched the sword and held it before him. “All right girl, you said this sword could kill these things. Why isn’t this working?” “I told you before, didn’t I?” “Tell me wha-“ he failed to ask as one tentacle, now balled into a fist, slammed him in the face, knocking him to the ground. He could only look on disorientedly as the blade skittered off and disappeared into a pile of refrigerators. He reached out. “Neko Neko Nii!” Nothing. “Neko Neko Nii!” he shouted. The Kawaiiju almost seemed to cackle as it readied itself for the killing blow. “Well Bobby, I guess you were going to die someday.” he said to himself as he relaxed his body and closed his eyes, allowing himself to embrace the void. Six tentacles raised into the air as the creature gurgled with something adjacent to laughter.

It was at that moment that a truck burst through the entrance of the scrapyard, careering through the mud to collide face-first with the creature. Once more it shrieked as it exploded into that glowing rainbow bodily fluid that Bobby was becoming uncomfortably accustomed to.

Dazed, Bobby looked to his side, and shouted out a hoo-rah as five trucks circled around the interior of the compound, before trying to get up once more. Several familiar faces emerged from the doors, each one more heavily-armed than the last. And last, stepping out of the truck that saved him, was a heavy-set woman holding an LMG like one would hold a briefcase. “Just in the nick of time, hey Freebird!” Bobby smiled, pumping his fist into the air as he righted himself. “Maeve! And not a moment too soon! Good to see you babe.” “Now Bobby, you wanna try saying that again?” she said, tapping the LMG with her other hand like a used car dealer would slap a car. “Point taken. Eyes up, everybody, because this ain’t over.” Maeve frowned. “You sure about that? This situation is lookin’ pretty handled over-“ It was at that moment that the truck flipped into the air, spinning into the other trucks as the Kawaiiju revealed itself once more, enraged. Maeve stepped back, shocked for a moment at what she was seeing, and readied her machine gun. “All right boys, let’s show this rubberneck what happens when you mess with the Trucker Network!” The team nodded in acknowledgement as they all began to unload their firearms into the tentacled horror. Pistols, assault rifles, SMGs, shotguns... oh shit, is that a rocket launcher? Maeve and Bobby both ducked out of the way as the first rocket connected with flesh. First an explosion of blood and fire, then the creature reforming just in time for another rocket to scatter alien meat once more. “It’s not working!” said Maeve. “Do what you gotta do – we’ll cover you!” Bobby’s eyes darted around the landscape, riddled with flashes and metal and enough colour to make Lisa Frank start bleeding out the eyes. “Thanks for comin’, Maeve. Glad to know you have my back after all these years.” “Naw, are you gettin’ sentimental, boy?” Maeve looked back and grinned toothily. “We’ll always have your back. We’re the Trucker Network! And more important, we’re friends.” An epiphany struck Bobby like a bolt of lightning.

“The Power of Friendship will ignite the Neko-Kitsune Sword’s true power.”

Without a second thought, Bobby held his arms before him as he lunged toward the beast. It was like time had slowed down, as he moved faster, superhumanly so, toward the creature, ducking and weaving between tentacles. As he approached the creature’s torso, his arms clasped together in a thrusting motion.

In a flash of bright pink light, the sword once again appeared in his hand, and drove straight through the heart just recently exposed by an errant stick of dynamite. The creature shrieked one more bloodcurdling shriek, and then collapsed inward on itself like a black hole. The Kawaiiju was dead, and this time it wasn’t coming back. Everyone looked on, dumbfounded. And then the cheering began. Bobby and Maeve moved into the circle of trucks, Maeve setting down her LMG as a few of the other truckies pulled out some beers from the trucks. Cracking open some cold ones, they all began to chatter among one another. Maeve approached Bobby once more. “Well Freebird, I can’t say this was the evening I was expecting to have, but I think we’re all going to remember it.” She eyed him up and down. “For more reasons than one.” Bobby looked at her quizzically, then glanced at the apparition of Sakura. She was doubled-over in laughter. “Okay what are you laughin’ about?” It was at that moment that he noticed that everyone was looking at him with a bemused look on their faces. Bobby looked down. “…oh.”

********

“…happy birthday dear Jenny, happy birthday to you!”

Bobby looked on at his daughter with pride, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Thank y’all for coming!” she said, buzzing with excitement as she blew out the 18 candles dotting her carrot cake. She looked over at Bobby, beaming. Bobby knew he wasn’t around all that much for her – he was wed to the road and it never let him stay in one place for long. A glance over at her mother’s piercing glare indicated that she concurred.

As the party began to wrap up and the family began to tidy the barn, Bobby approached his daughter.

“Hey Dad!”

“Hi, Jenny.” He furrowed his brow. Was this really the right time? Is this really the right choice? “Come with me, I want to give you your birthday present, but it’s out the front”

“Sure thing!” Jenny gleefully responded.

Bobby was getting cold feet. Her mother would certainly kill him when she found out. Probably for the best that he get out of the state as soon as possible.

He turned around to her as they stepped through the front gate. “So this isn’t just a gift from me, it’s a gift from the whole Trucker Network. So make sure to say thank you to Maeve next time she’s in town.”

“Will do!” Jenny was clearly overflowing with excitement, with her hands balled into fists.

Bobby opened the door of his truck, sighed for a moment, and then pulled out an intricately-wrapped box, short in height and depth but a few feet long. He looked up – Sakura’s ghost was sitting there, sporting an almost Cheshire-Cat grin.

“Are you sure you want to go through with this? You know how dangerous it is out there. You know you’ll be exposing her to a world she’ll never come back from.”

Bobby frowned determinedly. “Yes, but will she want to?”

He handed the box to Jenny. Like a ravenous beast, she ripped the box open with her teeth, the ribbons and paper falling in tatters on the dirt road beneath them. Bobby winced – he’d spent all night on that.

She looked inside the box. “Whoa! Thanks Dad!” A moment of silence. “…uh, what is it?”

“This,” said Bobby, smiling as he drew the long metal object from the box. “is a tyre iron. You’re going to need it for the other half of your present.”

He gestured over toward the other side of the street. Jenny gasped. There it was, a brand-new semi-trailer. Not one of the most heavy-duty bits of hardware around, but if his Jenny was going to learn to drive, she was going to drive the best.

“Is it- is it-“ she was practically vibrating.

“Yeah, kiddo.” he smiled. “She’s all yours. Keys are in the ignition.”

“Um, I don’t want to ruin your moment, but…”

He looked out toward the gate of the house. His ex was advancing on him and he didn’t need any supernatural sword powers to know that his time was up.

“Well, it was fun while it lasted.”

********

Jenny ran to the truck and sat in the front seat. She’d never felt so alive; her Dad may be gone a lot but there was always something so magical, so fantastical about the stories he’d tell her about his time on the road. Sitting in this truck, she felt closer to him than ever before. She sighed contentedly, then looked over at her dad. And then a pang of sadness, as she heard the truck rev up and pull out, disappearing into the street once more, her mother screaming and shouting at him the whole way down the block. Tears began to well up in her eyes. Just like that, he was gone again. *chhhk* Jenny looked up. The truck radio was coming to life. “This is Freebird to Sailormoon, Sailormoon please respond, over.” Jenny wiped the tears from her eyes as she hurriedly picked up the microphone. “10-4, 10-4, This is Sailormoon, hearing you loud and clear, over.” “Freebird to Sailormoon, I’m proud of you. Sorry I had to hightail. You know your mother. Over.” She giggled. “Sailormoon to Freebird, it’s okay. Bring me back something nice. Over.” A moment. “10-4 to that.” “Motherbear to Freebird and Sailormoon, this is adorable but you are hogging a vital channel. Cut the shit, over.”

Jenny dropped the mic, embarrassed.

“Sorry Maeve” said her dad. “I’m back on the road again, what have you got for me?”

“Some rubbernecks causing havoc in a town just south of your position. Follow the highway and you can’t miss it.”

“Freebird to Motherbear, roger that.”

Jenny grinned before picking up the mic again. “Give’ em hell, Dad.”

#short story #short fiction #writing prompt

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halorocks1214 · 4 years

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Please can you do for the character ask do Kayo of the Mechanic? 😊

*meme voice* Both. Both is good

Thanks for the ask dear anonymous!

Kayo

Favorite thing about them: She is incredibly determined and strong-willed in her beliefs, all while being badass about it! Honestly, if I had at least a fourth of the confidence she had I would not be a nervous wreck 75% of the times I am in a public space lol Least favorite thing about them: Kayo, pls, you are worse than Scott in the chill-pill category. It is physically impossible to be allergic to fun, just take a deep breath for me, okay? It’s gonna work out eventually, I promise Favorite line: “Kaneer.” “You know my name?” “I know lots of things. Bye-bye!” brOTP: Alan and Kayo’s relationship had nice development imo, if I’m not just randomly coming up with it in my head lol. Alan learning over the series how to be more serious while still keeping his joyful edge, meanwhile Kayo learned that it was okay to let go and be less serious and that it wouldn’t hurt to be loose every once in a while, etc etc OTP: Again, it’s more of a “ship I like” since I just do not ship in this show, point blank period. There’s a lot of family stuff to explore with these characters so I mainly focus on that, but I mentioned her and Scott in Scott’s post when they’re not written as siblings so I guess this still applies here! nOTP: I got into this series because of the Tracy boys and their stories, so when it comes to her adoptive-sibling status it really goes 50/50 for me. If a story has it, great! I love adoptive-family stuff! If it doesn’t, that’s also cool! She can still be a really neat and interesting character if written correctly! But in the stories that heavily focus on her adoptive status then yeah, that’s kinda a no bueno for me Random headcanon: Closet stuffed animal lover. 100%. Alan figured it out because, of course, he did, and every time there’s a new rabbit outside her door she doesn’t know whether to fingerprint it to find out who’s behind it or just gleefully take the gift and shove it in her secret stash (hint: it’s usually the latter) Unpopular opinion: I’m not sure how “unpopular” this really is, buuuuut after the 2004 movie introduced me into Thunderbirds and getting into TOS after fully immersing myself into TAG I miss Tin-Tin. She was such a cool lady and there’s a really cool Tin-Tin in TAG concept that I love to bits (that I’ll reblog in a sec) that made me think about her again and I just! I like Kayo, I really do, but Tin-Tin is in my heart forever and always Song I associate with them: “Miss Jackson” by Panic! at the Disco Favorite picture of them:

I’m saying this one because this is such a good scene and really summarizes the best parts of Kayo’s character for me

The Mechanic

Favorite thing about them: Always gotta love a good ‘ol redemption arc! Cold, sinister people learning that they deserve love and forgiveness after being mistreated for so long is a weak point of mine so I gotta give credit there <3 Least favorite thing about them: Reaaaaally would have enjoyed at least a little more backstory, or exposition. Or even screentime. I feel like a lot of characters got the “lack of screentime” curse in S3 and if any dude needed some it was him. Kinda sucks considering what an interesting character he is! Favorite line: “You’re busting me out?!” “Ironic, isn’t it?” brOTP: Grandma and The Mechanic had such nice, if short, scenes together, but for a hypothetical brOTP, Virgil and The Mechanic would be fuuuun. Virgil teaching him mundane hobbies like painting and music and The Mechanic talking about engineering stuff with Virgil that the Tracy might not know about OTP: I mean... I don’t really have any? Brains/The Mechanic is cute, I’ll admit, but because of my general lack of interest in him I can’t really point fingers at any character in particular and be like “Now kiss!” nOTP: For rhe same reasons listed under OTP (i.e. not a lot of interest), I can’t point fingers at another character and say “How’s about no” either lol Random headcanon: Grandma teaches him knitting. That’s it. That’s the headcanon. All the Tracys have some kind of sweater before the year ends, and their reactions/emotions towards them range wide and long Unpopular opinion: This isn’t so much an unpopular opinion as it is an unpopular musing, but if he was written out of S3′s plot, would much have changed? Could they have gone with a “the Tracys figure it out by themselves” approach and would that have been better/worse? Idk, just some rambling Song I associate with them: “Nothing Worth Saving” by DANGERKIDS Favorite picture of them:

There goes my bby. Kick their asses for us please and thank you

Ask me about other fictional characters!

#answered ask #anoynmous #thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #kayo kyrano #the mechanic

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thepringlesofblood · 4 years

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ok so arthur right??

i was talking to my dad yesterday and I casually mentioned the PBS kids show ‘arthur’ (the one with the fist that became a meme) and he was having trouble remembering it so i was like ‘y’know, arthur the aardvark?’ and he still didnt get it so I looked up a picture of him

and he goes ‘if he’s an aardvark, where’s his snout’

for reference, this is the punk we’re talking about

no snout. basically an orange dude w/ mouse ears

this is an aardvark

huge snout. not orange. giant tall ears like a naked bunny. wtf

so i’m like ‘well yeah, but aardvarks are kinda weird lookin and not very common, but i swear the other animals on the show look like their animals’

so i look up the other animals and #1 they all are varying shades of skin tone, no frogs or birds or anything, and #2 it took so much fucking digging to figure out what each person’s supposed to be, and I grew up my whole life thinking they were the wrong animals.

according to the wiki, there’s 8 main characters. Arthur and DW are both aardvarks, so the 6 remaining are francine, muffy, alan/brain, binky, buster, and mr. ratburn.

let’s start nice and easy. arthurs whole family are aardvarks (and all of them have the same ‘orange-ish person w/ mouse ears, no nose, and human features’, what about francine?

so here’s our girl francine

she basically looks like a normal cartoon person, except her mouth is like an otomatone. as a kid, i assumed she was a monkey, because people told me she was a monkey, and i was right. but there’s so so so many layers of anthropomorphizing here. she’s just a person with a protruding lower face, basically. it works, but it is so so minimal. the lil nose slits are in most arthur characters so they don’t read as different or specific.

next we have muffy. similar situation.

again, but even more anthropomorphized. her lil monkey facebump thing is even less pronounced, her ears look fairly human (for a cartoon), you could even make an argument that she has kind of a nose. I had no idea what she was as a kid. I legit thought she was just a person, and that this was how people looked in arthur world.

that might be on me, since there are people who Just Look Like People in arthur world - buster’s dad is literally just A Human Man w/ bunny ears and the canon typical Nose Slits

behold, a man.

but still. artistic license, it’s a cartoon, so I thought muffy was just a Person.

there’s also the opposite end of the spectrum, where shit gets a bit wilder.

what the hell is binky. y’know what I thought he was, when I was a kid?

a hippo

seriously, he’s got the weirdly spaced teeth, the tiny lil ears, big craggy face, he’s larger than everyone else which makes sense bc hippos are gigantic. he’s not the same color as a hippo but everyone in the arthur verse is kinda skin toned so i didn’t think much of it

but

do you know what he’s supposed to be??

a bulldog

what. the hell.

i just

????

why is his jaw so gigantic??? this is a bulldog, for reference

if he’s a bulldog...why is he one of the very few arthur characters to get a DEFINABLE NOSE??

IT’S NOT A SNOUT. IT’S NOT EVEN A LIL DOG NOSE. IT’S LIKE AN EGG SITTING ON HIS FACE. NO WRINKLES. WEIRDASS EARS LIKE MOTORCYCLE HANDLES

only thing i can kinda see is the busted ass teeth. but like his whole head is a weird triangle in the wrong direction. I’m so confused. I’m so afraid.

but get ready

for the ultimate weirdest interpretation of an animal

a l a n

aka brain

looks pretty much like arthur, right? except for his lil triangle nose instead of 2 dots, and slightly darker skintone, this is just like arthur. heads a bit more egg shaped but i think that’s a joke on how he’s real smart so hes an egghead or whatever.

so, you might think, oh, he’s another small mammal like an aardvark, right? with that cute little pink nose, maybe a hamster? a mouse?

no. no he’s not

according to arthur.fandom.com (the wiki site for the show)

he is

a fucking

BEAR

thats right ladies and gents the ferocious bear before you, clearly indistinguishable from an aardvark

WHAT. THE FUCK.

WHY

just to prove that I’m not shitting you

https://arthur.fandom.com/wiki/Alan_Powers

HOW

THe fUCk

is This Lil Twerp the MIGHTY BEAST!!!! that is Bear.

and you know the worst part?

It’s evident. that the Arthur team. Knows how to do anthropomorphizing right.

exhibit a?

B U S T E R

look at this motherfucker. the teeth. the weird lil triangle nose. the ears. he’s so clearly a fucking bunny. simple, but effective. clear, but not excessive. this is why you get a spinoff, buster. this is why you get all those ‘postcards’ series and the best games on PBS kids go. because out of everyone in town, you’re the only one who is instantly recognizable as the exact animal they’re supposed to be. no doubts, no qualms, no questions. just a good ol fashioned bunny. 10/10

honorable mention, of course, goes to our only other recognizable main character.

mr ratburn. what a legend. maybe it’s cheating a bit to have ‘rat’ right in his name so you know what he is, but god damn does his design deliver. take a closer look at that snout! whiskers, lil pink dot nose, vaguely triangular headshape, mouth at the very end, squinty lil eyes way back up on his head- you may not like it, but this is what peak rat performance looks like. remy ratatouille wishes he were this cool gay elementary school teacher. the sad thing is he looks more like an aardvark than arthur does, and he’s a rat.

let’s review

out of all of the 8 main cast

two (2)

are recognizable as animals on sight.

arguably muffy and francine are recognizable but like so vaguely

75% of the main cast are Rounded Skintone Animal with Weird Ears

and then we got buster baxter and mr nigel ratburn over here carrying the show in terms of animal anthropomorphism done right. absolute madmen, true legends.

god what a weird part of zillenial childhood.

#for the record i am not a furry #so i do not have the kinds of insights that they might have #maybe rounded skintone animal is in rn i have no idea

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airlock · 5 years

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airlock grades the Camus archetype

next in this series, we delve into the world of fancy jackets, ebon horses, and loves that cannot be. that’s right -- it’s the day in the lives of the one who was fortunate enough to fuck off into the ocean with no memories, and all the other ones who just straight-up died!

(do note: under cut are spoilers for… everything, and also a significant amount of me criticizing or blamming characters that you might like. you’ve been warned! but if you’d press on, then I’m afraid I have no choice but to face you on the battlefield-)

a foreword

so, I’m not trying to end up rating every single semi-sympathetic miniboss out here; to this end, I will be working with a very specific definition of a Camus for this exercise. I do not claim it to be the definition of a Camus; it’s simply what I’ll be working with. it’s as such: a Camus is a secondary villain who is characterized as virtuous, but tragically doomed to stand against the player characters, either in keeping with the aforementioned virtue, because of an overpowering external circumstance, or both.

so, let us dig in!

camoo

(7/10)

there he is, folks! the man whose dick launches thousands of ships, hurtling into each other on a maelstrom of tragedy.

a multitude of appearances -- matched only by a certain trio of flying girls -- has given him incredible room to expand as a complex, dynamic character. where his original appearance alone might blip as gently tragic but not incredibly compelling, he’s incrementally gained a robust character, and ultimately got to be one of the ones who managed to elude the pits of data size issues in Akaneian characterization.

screaming camus

(1/10)

is it a stretch to tout him as a “virtuous” character? perhaps, but for the purposes of classification alone, intent weighs a little more than execution, and I think it’s clear that the writers had intended for Berkut to be sympathetic, but tragic, as far as secondary antagonists go.

unfortunately, though, they failed big time. Ian Sinclair’s stellar voice acting counts in Berkut’s favor, but little else does. his character is nigh-on pastiche and he seems to hog a lot of screentime without adding anything of significant interest to the story or to other characters. his motivations, while genuine enough, are irritatingly played by the narrative as being sympathetic when they absolutely are not; and worst of all, his fall from grace is severely cheapened by ending on a note of easy redemption that he does not at all deserve.

mongolian camus

(4/10)

in concept, this is a brillant player punch; as if Hardin wasn’t enough, you have to make enemies of even more of those who fought by your side on the previous game, and this guy -- alongside his underlings bar Roshea -- aren’t even fighting you because they’ve gone mad; they’re the same as they were before, and it’s only unfortunate that now, their master is no longer on your side.

however, further labor on the execution front would have been invaluable here. as far as Camuses (camusi? camii? camee?) go, the ole Wolfpack has a lot less time in the limelight than is par for the course, and the one-two maps they haunt don’t leave enough room to draw out the drama.

I’m not docking points for this, but New Mystery of the Emblem also does the Wolfpack a serious disservice in making them all recruitable. besides being a cowardly evasion from the tragedies of war that Fire Emblem is well-known to mercilessly portray, it’s not even a better outcome for them personally. like, have you seen Wolf’s epilogue? and it’s only further a shame after Shadow Dragon went and made Wolf and Sedgar so busted they may have had a better chance to leave an impression on the player -- which would then have made it all the more of a gut twister if they’d remained as full proper... goddamnit I’m not doing the plural Camus thing again.

wine camus

(10/10)

without hesitation, one of the most effective... camus characters, okay, there, I settled that... ever written. it’s sad enough when you have to snuff out someone nice because war is hell and the world is an awful place, but having the guy be the protagonist’s best friend is just ruthless.

and it’s not just text, either; it’s set up brillantly. Eldigan and Sigurd’s good bond is put well on display before it’s brutally shattered. he’s even given an unusual out in that you don’t have to kill him -- but if you don’t, Chagall will! hoohoohoo, Jugdral is the bestworst.

seriously, though, I think I’ve honest to god cried at least once about Eldigan, and making me cry is pretty difficult -- like, outside of an argument or other situation where crying totally sabotages me so of course my body will do that to me.

thunder camus

(5/10)

I appreciate an extremely powerful female character as much as anyone should, but other than that, I will have to admit that I don’t find her incredibly compelling.

although Genealogy of the Holy War may have been the game that gave us Hilda, it very much betrays the Kagaman’s hesitancy in letting women be villainous, and there are not many better examples of this than Ishtar here. as far as Camus characters (hahahaha! I am unstoppable!) go, she’s one of the most virtuous -- and also one with the flimsiest reasons for staying the course of villainy anyway.

like, sure, she has a boyfriend who turned into satan. we sure get told that. and then it stays as absolutely nothing other than text, when she tends to act like she’s being forced by the greatest of all powers to continue opposing you. Thracia 776 at least strengthens the script by depicting the extant relationship as an abusive one, which would shed a little more sense into things, but it’s too little too late; too late because it’s one whole game later, and too little because Ishtar and Julius are not focal characters of that game and don’t have enough room to expand in there. (plus, it’s not a great idea for Julius anyway -- he’s hellspawn, not a smooth operator.)

tiny hand camus

(5/10)

curiously, I’d actually bill Reinhardt here as a hybrid Camus-Michalis -- while his arc swallows elements of inevitable tragedy such as a star-crossed crush and a superior that he won’t defy, it never feels like he has to fight you in the way that a Camus normally does; rather, it feels like he chooses to anyway because of his shortcomings, in the way that a Michalis normally does.

and putting these things together... well, I’m grading the whole character here, but let’s be real, he’s far more effective of a Michalis than a Camus. intent regadless, sympathy isn’t usually the sentiment that he flints up, and I believe even Olwen is ultimately of that mindset; still, it gets to be a shame that he makes the choices he does when he’s otherwise not such an overtly repugnant type.

(I went this whole time not talking about Heroes, yes? that’s because I’m not going there. not the memes, not his thorougly botched characterization there, nothing.)

alamo camus

(2/10)

I believe that Galle and Murdock are intended as Camus characters (booyaka booyaka! shakalaka!) as well, but they’re so painfully inconsequential I’m not going to get sidetracked in their direction here.

Brunnya is not that much better off than they are, alas; she gets a little more screentime, but remains underdeveloped until her one chapter in the limelight. she does get to play an interesting role as a Camus who outlives her master and still decides to carry on his will, but we’ve seen better and more compelling all over this list.

double camus

(9/10)

oh, snap, there are two of them! ... well, so there were in Genealogy of the Holy War, but these here bros aren’t to be analyzed in isolation.

the moral complexities that they play at together are interesting, but I think that the coolest aspect of their character, by far, is that they play at being direct counterparts to Eliwood and Hector. the charming, reasonable one and the brutish, straightforward one who strengthen each other through their balance -- they’re shining mirrors of what could have been, or what comes to be when you take the same strengths as those of the heroes but place them irrevocably in the path of the villains. ... hmmm, I wonder if they’d have a non-adoptive sister if Lyn were, like, relevant at that point of the story.

their screentime is surprisingly short, but all indicates that they make tidal waves on the little time they have. I’m certain they’d have benefitted from more, but they’re still amongst the best of the Camus characters (I did it again!! I did it again!!).

not severa camus

(8/10)

although her tale is not as gut-wrenching as Eldigan’s or the Reed bros’, she’s one perfectly adequate Camus. virtuous, and impactfully so, but loyal to the end, and justifiedly so -- both in a relevant backstory and in a string of deceptions and misfortunes that play her stronger qualities against her.

I don’t find her to be a standout, but she’s a perfect execution of her own concept -- and considering the staggering amount of unfulfilled potential we’ve seen up to here, that deserves its due praise.

tincan camus

(4/10)

although he’s fairly interesting, the sins of his master befall him -- the reveal of his identity is severly dragged-out for also meaning very little until the additional reveal of his brand. and by then, it’s doomed to be only a blur out of the many unfulfilled twists in the Tower of Guidance.

even beneath the mask, he’s had a lot of chances for player punches that he missed out on. his confrontation with Greil emphatizes his role as Ashnard’s underling, instead of his role as Greil’s former student and Ike’s newly-made archrival, and I feel like that’s a severe mistake -- for one thing, it forces the cutscene to end with a lame halfway intervention from Caineghis, where it would’ve been perfectly viable for Ike to walk out of that one alive exclusively due to Zelgius’s own motivations.

even beyond that, his appearances in both Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn often play him as a plot device instead of a character; as a matter of fact, that ridiculous magic warp powder of his accomplishes no purpose other than enabling him to be a plot device wherever plot needs him (aside from how it silently explains how he lives a double life in two different countries, but that’s kind of a pointless detail).

and lastly, just how impossibly lame is it that he’s given a deadly final confrontation with Ike, that he’s just going to walk off of by the sequel anyway? it’s easy to see why it’s necessary for the plots of the two games it affects, but it’s laaaaaaaaame.

samurai camus

(1/10)

easily the least compelling of the list. he comes in to carry the half of a nonsense arc that doesn’t have enough room to fully build him, and it shows. and to make things worse, he’s one of the most notable sufferers of a syndrome that thorougly afflicts antagonists in Awakening and, to a lesser extent, beyond: a tendency to try to paint them as unambiguously evil before you fight them, but tragic and redeemable right after you fight them. which ultimately completely fails as the player punch that the writers ostensibly intended and robs the confrontation itself of much-needed gravitas.

if-conditional camus characters

(??/10)

hahahahaha!!! hahahahahahaahhahahahaaaa!! sockeye!!! I did the thing again and right in the middle of a nickname too!!

but yeah, I haven’t played Fates any more now than at the time of the Gharnef post.

anyways, what do you all think? have I earned your undying loyalty, or does chivalry demand that you slaughter me for my vile takes? if the upcoming Three Houses is to have a Camus... oh, who are we kidding, of course there’s going to be a Camus. in another life, things have been different, but this fate is inescapable. the only mercy we can extend for it now is to wonder what it’ll be like. once again, I welcome your comments in the replies and reblogs -- would you wrong your country by keeping them to yourself anyway?

#airlock grades the villain archetypes #fire emblem is tagged in this post

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darkcloud-kcalifornia · 4 years

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In the meantime, how about some Mario? Just because I’m doing other things doesn’t mean I can keep putting this one off.

Our live action segment this time around is “Dance”. It’s Luigi’s birthday, and he gets a birthday pizza and a gift certificate for a dance lesson from Shabba Doo. No idea who that is, other than guessing they’re the celebrity cameo. Also we get confirmation that the Mario Bros. last name is, in fact, Mario, so no it wasn’t the usually derided movie who came up with that. It was the usually derided show :P Anyway, Luigi doesn’t think they’re ready for a lesson, they gotta practice before they can be taught how to do anything! By the time the cartoon is over they’re dressed in a more… interesting fashion. And Shabba Doo shows up to give the lesson. Wait… this guy was in Electric Boogaloo?! Man, you hear that title being tossed out so often as a meme for sequel names you kinda forget that it actually existed. Anyway, the post-lesson dance scene makes obvious use of stunt legs being hidden behind camera angles (you never see the Mario’s upper bodies while the more impressive moves are being busted out, just the legs). Disappointing, but understandable. I don’t know if they’d have had time to actually train the actors to really dance.

The animated segment is “Jungle Fever”. I’ve heard the only cure for that is more cowbell. The heroes are hacking their way through the Amazon Jungle, which seems to be mostly comprised of bamboo, and doing so with a plunger no less. I know you can sharpen a lot of things, but I don’t think you’d want to sharpen the handle of a plunger, as you kinda have to, you know, grab it somewhere quite firmly for plunging. Anyway, they’re looking for a witch doctor named Sheldon so he can mix them a potion to rid the Mushroom Kingdom of Koopa forever. So… poison or repellent? I mean, if you want a barrier you’re better off going with spells rather than potions (though really ideally you’d want a lost of runes involved, make it nice and both physical and metaphysical). Koopa chooses a very good ambush spot to stop them, the ol’ rickety rope bridge over a gorge, but fails to take proper advantage of it. Only cut one side, and used itching powder in his bom-bombs rather than, you know, gun powder. And for some reason it doesn’t seem to do anything to Toadstool, though all the boys are out of commission a short while later. So Koopa kidnaps the witch doctor while 3/4ths of the heroes are helpless. Sheldon’s assistant Butterfingers tries to make an antidote herself, but ends up synthesizing more cauldrons instead. So this one is all on Toadstool. Aaaaaand she fails. As does Butterfingers. But Sheldon took advantage of the fact that Koopa couldn’t tell what kind of a potion he was mixing to hit him with an itching formula as well. So the hostage kinda rescued himself and took care of the villain this time around. Great job, team! You may as well not have even showed up this episode.

This episode was kinda meh. The live action segment wasn’t much on humor, but you got to see some dancing at the end at least. As for the cartoon… like I said, the hostage rescued himself. The Marios might as well have not even been there, as none of the heroes actually contributed a single thing to Koopa’s defeat this time around. I mean it’s kinda funny that an episode like that exists, but at the same time, that’s more than a little embarrassing. Slink away, boys. Slink away.

The Moral of the Day:

Despite what the Atelier series tells suggests, you don’t need style or a svelte figure to be an alchemist. …But there is a certain amount of skill and study required. Better hit the books, Butterfingers.

#tv talk #episode reactions #super mario bros super show #super mario bros #smbss ep 15

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junker-town · 6 years

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The 2017 Egg Bowl live blog: Rebels win a Bowl game after all!

The bowl-banned Rebels took out frustrations against No. 14 Mississippi State in a sloppy, sloppy Egg Bowl.

Ole Miss entered the season without hopes of reaching a bowl game, due to self-sanctions amid its ongoing NCAA to-do. Back in April, Rebels AD Ross Bjork joked about giving every game of the regular season a bowl name anyway, for motivation purposes.

Well, the Rebels just won a game with “Bowl” in its name anyway (even if it was only added to the series’ name in the 1970s by a desperate newspaper), hanging on for a win in the Egg Bowl against archrival Mississippi State, 31-28. Thus ends a bizarre 2017 for the 6-6 Rebels and the interim tenure of coach Matt Luke.

youtube

The Egg Bowl was its typical debacle self, with five MSU turnovers, 22 total penalties, and a ghastly ankle injury for Bulldogs starting QB Nick Fitzgerald, who later returned on crutches to cheer his teammates. Two pregame shoving matches and in-game taunts that included a dog-pee celebration and a Rebel declaring his native Starkville “my city” were the highlights. Those MSU turnovers — four of them with promising freshman QB Keytaon Thompson at the wheel — were the story, as Clanga actually outgained the Rebels by 146 yards on the night and nearly pulled off the comeback.

Oh, and Ole Miss’ best defender on the night, lineman Breeland Speaks, was both ejected for unsportsmanlike flags, one of which put the game’s final result in doubt, and the star of the night’s best meme.

Extremely Egg Bowl.

Thus ends yet another surprising, vicious, and messy edition of America’s frequently most surprising, vicious, and messy rivalry.

Fourth quarter

Ole Miss 31, MSU 28, 1:05. Lol, never give up on the Egg Bowl! The Rebels recover the onside kick, though.

Ole Miss 31, MSU 21, 4:58. Clanga’s best drive of the night, capped by a 30-yard Kylin Hill TD run up the right sideline, plus an unsportsmanlike flag on Ole Miss for yappin’ in the end zone. On brand. MSU also hit the two-point conversion with a Keytaon Thompson keeper on an apparent busted play.

Ole Miss 31, MSU 13, 8:24. The Bulldogs came inches shy of legally recovering an onside kick, but right after, Ole Miss’ Jordan Wilkins broke a 46-yard run right up the middle to hit 110 on the day, and that might do it.

Ole Miss 24, MSU 13, 9:16. Not much had happened since the dog pee, until Deddrick Thomas scored to complete an eight-play State drive. Also, the Egg Bowl trophy has been spotted in its rightful resting place.

Strange place to store the Egg Bowl trophy in Starkville. Between a hot dog warmer and coffee pots. http://pic.twitter.com/yUyul65loE

— Pat Smith (@patsmithradio) November 24, 2017

Third quarter

Ole Miss 24, MSU 6, 2:15. D.K. Metcalf battled for a jump ball and took it 63 yards for a TD that’ll probably lace this one up, then hit the Bulldogs with an Odell Beckham-style dog pee celebration, drawing a 15-yard flag.

Ole Miss 17, MSU 6, 5:53. Good heavens, State turnover No. 5 comes on a strip of Jordan Thomas after a rare pass completion (MSU’s 5-of-12 passing). This one’s nearing a wrap.

Ole Miss 17, MSU 6, 7:13. Jordan Ta’amu found a wide-open A.J. Brown for a 77-yarder, despite a holding penalty on the defense. Brown’s up to 167 yards with 22 minutes still to go. Basically a 10-point swing in three plays. The local reaction to the Starkville native’s TD:

A Starkville Chamber of Commerce welcome for AJ Brown http://pic.twitter.com/GM3zWcn5aE

— [Escort 69] (@BunkiePerkins) November 24, 2017

Ole Miss 10, MSU 6, 7:53. We’re up to four Bulldog turnovers after Keytaon Thompson, the freshman QB who’s having to carry this entire offense, fumbled on a third-and-4 run in the red zone.

Ole Miss 10, MSU 6, 11:30. After Keytaon Thompson broke a 31-yard run up the right sideline, a dropped pass with some uncalled Ole Miss pass interference set up a second-and-long, and two stops forced a punt. Downed at the 1, though. Some good news for everybody: injured State QB Nick Fitzgerald returned to the sidelines to cheer on his team.

Second quarter

Ole Miss 10, MSU 6, halftime. After three Mississippi State turnovers, one Ole Miss turnover, 12 total penalties, two pregame scuffles, and a horrific QB injury (MSU’s Nick Fitzgerald), the Bulldogs score again thanks to some loose Ole Miss defense right before the buzzer.

Ole Miss 10, MSU 3, :57. Turnover No. 4 of the first half, finally in MSU’s favor, as Jordan Ta'amu was strip-sacked by Erroll Thompson.

Ole Miss 10, MSU 3, 1:22. MSU’s in some real trouble now, with turnover No. 3 coming on a fumble by Keytaon Thompson in Bulldog territory. Breeland Speaks found the ball and the camera:

http://pic.twitter.com/nNsmZpV0od

— SB Nation CFB (@SBNationCFB) November 24, 2017

Ole Miss 10, MSU 3, 6:24. Bulldogs on the board after a drive highlighted by a 16-yard Keytaon Thompson run. MSU ran seven times and threw just once on the drive, a ratio we might expect to continue as the freshman continues on the biggest stage he’s yet faced. Meanwhile, on the sideline:

Just got hit in the head with ice. Thought it’d be colder so I do have an extra layer on... could use some refreshment I guess.

— OleMissPix (@OleMissPix) November 24, 2017

Ole Miss 10, MSU 0, 10:40. A couple State flags and a 29-yard run by Jordan Wilkins set up an easy field goal.

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 12:08. So we just had a punt blocked by the Bulldogs’ Jeffery Simmons ... and then an immediate airmail of an INT from new MSU QB Keytaon Thompson to C.J. Moore.

First quarter

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 2:38. After a Rebel punt, new MSU QB Keytaon Thompson peeled off a 33-yard run on his first snap. That was about that for that drive, though.

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 9:08. Bulldogs QB Nick Fitzgerald suffered an awful leg injury and was carted off, with both sidelines kneeling in silence. He’s replaced by Keytaon Thompson, a former four-star quarterback out of New Orleans from the class of 2017

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 9:51. CLANGA gets its first win, with a false start leading to Ole Miss’ A.J. Brown landing just shy of a first down. Punt!

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 11:15. A nine-play Bulldog drive was cut short when Myles Hartsfield leaped to pick off Nick Fitzgerald at the Ole Miss 38. Perfect start for the Rebels.

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 14:22. A 58-yard heave from Jordan Ta’amu to A.J. Brown and a 22-yard Jordan Wilkins run up the middle, and the underdogs strike first.

Pregame

So much for hugs folks. The Royal Rumble has begun in Starkville. Cooler heads prevailed for now. http://pic.twitter.com/dcSbT8fhJ3

— Joel Coleman (@JoelTColeman) November 23, 2017

Leo Lewis just walked towards the Ole Miss side of the field and blew a kiss in the direction of the Rebel players during warm-ups.

— Robby Donoho III (@RobbyDonoho) November 23, 2017

Lewis is, of course, the star MSU linebacker who’s made a hobby of trolling the Rebels on Twitter and is currently in the middle of the NCAA’s investigation into Ole Miss.

Another dustup:

Not even kickoff and the #EggBowl is already chippy! http://pic.twitter.com/VZPNONYY9B

— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) November 24, 2017

Preview

There’s only one college football game to get you through Thanksgiving on Thursday — and it’s some classic in-state hate. The No. 14 Mississippi State Bulldogs can continue its march toward the top 10 by beating their rivals, the Ole Miss Rebels, on turkey day. The 114th edition of the Egg Bowl will take place Thursday night at 7:30 p.m. ET; the game will be broadcast live on ESPN (live stream).

It’s the first Thanksgiving Egg Bowl since 2013, reviving a minor tradition in the state rivalry.

The Bulldogs have been solid but unspectacular in 2017. With eight wins they are ranked No. 16 in the College Football Playoff rankings, but they’ve only beaten one ranked team — a crushing 37-7 victory over LSU — in that span. The Rebels haven’t been as fortunate. Their rebuilding season after Hugh Freeze’s resignation has sputtered to a 5-6 record before Thursday’s season finale in Starkville. Even a win on Thanksgiving won’t keep Ole Miss’s 2017 alive — the scandal that forced Freeze out of Oxford also led to a bowl ban this winter.

Time, TV channel, and streaming info

Time: 7:30 p.m. ET

Location: Scott Field, Starkville, Miss.

TV: ESPN

Streaming: WatchESPN

Odds: Mississippi State is favored by 15 points.

Ole Miss vs. Mississippi State news:

This year, these teams even have NCAA beef. The long investigation into the Rebels has wrapped up Leo Lewis, a star Bulldogs linebacker.

Mississippi State beat Arkansas last week in a game only notable for likely getting Bret Bielema fired.

After a 14-point early lead, Arkansas couldn’t hold on against Mississippi State and fell, 28-21. This TD with seconds left was the nail in the coffin for the Razorbacks. It now guarantees a losing season for Arkansas, and this is likely the final nail in Bielema’s coffin as well.

The Hogs have had a knack for being punchy when it seems Bielema’s back is against the wall. And it’s never been more against the wall than it was right here.

Even if you’re not an Ole Miss fan, you’ve got to like what A.J. Smith is doing.

Nick Fitzgerald isn’t consistent at all for Mississippi State, but he comes through when it matters.

Fitz is the Jekyll and Hyde that everyone loves to pick apart and this game did nothing to change that. For 3.5 quarters, Fitz struggled to find his rhythm and could not break loose running the ball. Yet when crunch time hit in the fourth, he came up big with some clutch throws, including the two touchdowns, and that last one was a picture-perfect throw. The enigma that is Fitz continues to perplex Bulldogs everywhere but we happily accept the Ws he provides.

So who’s gonna be Mississippi’s next head coach? Mike Norvell? Willie Taggart?

The second-year man for the Tigers has done an incredible job following up Justin Fuente’s final two-year hurrah in the Bluff City (19-7 record, finished No. 25 in AP poll in 2014). His lone year at the head of the Memphis program, his Tigers went 8-5, finished third in the AAC and made it to a bowl game. The intriguing thing about Norvell is his high-powered offense, ability to coach a quarterback, and recruiting success at a Group of 5 program, primarily in Mississippi.

Can Mississippi State really be a top-10 team?

The Bulldogs are barrelling toward 10 wins and a coveted spot in the final top-10 rankings, but a dearth of quality wins could keep them from climbing into the FBS’s top tier. Beating a middling Ole Miss team won’t do much for their resume, but would put Mississippi State in line for a prime bowl game — and the opportunity to prove it’s a top-10 program.

Ole Miss vs. Mississippi State prediction:

The Bulldogs have more to play for, and there’s no way the players don’t know this may be their last rivalry game with Dan Mullen as their head coach. Emotions will be high, but Mississippi State will make it two Egg Bowl wins in a row.

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junker-town · 6 years

Text

The 2017 Egg Bowl live blog: Rebels win a Bowl game after all!

The bowl-banned Rebels took out frustrations against No. 14 Mississippi State in a sloppy, sloppy Egg Bowl.

Well, the Rebels just won a game with “Bowl” in its name anyway (even if it was only added to the series’ name in the 1970s by a desperate newspaper), winning the Egg Bowl against archrival Mississippi State, 31-28. Thus ends a bizarre 2017 for the 6-6 Rebels and the interim tenure of coach Matt Luke.

Oh, and Ole Miss’ best defender on the night, lineman Breeland Speaks, was both ejected for unsportsmanlike flags and the star of the night’s best meme.

Extremely Egg Bowl.

Thus ends yet another surprising, vicious, and messy edition of America’s frequently most surprising, vicious, and messy rivalry.

Fourth quarter

Ole Miss 31, MSU 28, 1:05. Lol, never give up on the Egg Bowl! The Rebels recover the onside kick, though.

Strange place to store the Egg Bowl trophy in Starkville. Between a hot dog warmer and coffee pots. http://pic.twitter.com/yUyul65loE

— Pat Smith (@patsmithradio) November 24, 2017

Third quarter

Ole Miss 17, MSU 6, 5:53. Good heavens, State turnover No. 5 comes on a strip of Jordan Thomas after a rare pass completion (MSU’s 5-of-12 passing). This one’s nearing a wrap.

A Starkville Chamber of Commerce welcome for AJ Brown http://pic.twitter.com/GM3zWcn5aE

— [Escort 69] (@BunkiePerkins) November 24, 2017

Ole Miss 10, MSU 6, 7:53. We’re up to four Bulldog turnovers after Keytaon Thompson, the freshman QB who’s having to carry this entire offense, fumbled on a third-and-4 run in the red zone.

Second quarter

Ole Miss 10, MSU 3, :57. Turnover No. 4 of the first half, finally in MSU’s favor, as Jordan Ta'amu was strip-sacked by Erroll Thompson.

Ole Miss 10, MSU 3, 1:22. MSU’s in some real trouble now, with turnover No. 3 coming on a fumble by Keytaon Thompson in Bulldog territory. Breeland Speaks found the ball and the camera:

http://pic.twitter.com/nNsmZpV0od

— SB Nation CFB (@SBNationCFB) November 24, 2017

Just got hit in the head with ice. Thought it’d be colder so I do have an extra layer on... could use some refreshment I guess.

— OleMissPix (@OleMissPix) November 24, 2017

Ole Miss 10, MSU 0, 10:40. A couple State flags and a 29-yard run by Jordan Wilkins set up an easy field goal.

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 12:08. So we just had a punt blocked by the Bulldogs’ Jeffery Simmons ... and then an immediate airmail of an INT from new MSU QB Keytaon Thompson to C.J. Moore.

First quarter

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 2:38. After a Rebel punt, new MSU QB Keytaon Thompson peeled off a 33-yard run on his first snap. That was about that for that drive, though.

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 9:51. CLANGA gets its first win, with a false start leading to Ole Miss’ A.J. Brown landing just shy of a first down. Punt!

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 11:15. A nine-play Bulldog drive was cut short when Myles Hartsfield leaped to pick off Nick Fitzgerald at the Ole Miss 38. Perfect start for the Rebels.

Ole Miss 7, MSU 0, 14:22. A 58-yard heave from Jordan Ta’amu to A.J. Brown and a 22-yard Jordan Wilkins run up the middle, and the underdogs strike first.

Pregame

So much for hugs folks. The Royal Rumble has begun in Starkville. Cooler heads prevailed for now. http://pic.twitter.com/dcSbT8fhJ3

— Joel Coleman (@JoelTColeman) November 23, 2017

Leo Lewis just walked towards the Ole Miss side of the field and blew a kiss in the direction of the Rebel players during warm-ups.

— Robby Donoho III (@RobbyDonoho) November 23, 2017

Lewis is, of course, the star MSU linebacker who’s made a hobby of trolling the Rebels on Twitter and is currently in the middle of the NCAA’s investigation into Ole Miss.

Another dustup:

Not even kickoff and the #EggBowl is already chippy! http://pic.twitter.com/VZPNONYY9B

— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) November 24, 2017

Preview

It’s the first Thanksgiving Egg Bowl since 2013, reviving a minor tradition in the state rivalry.

Time, TV channel, and streaming info

Time: 7:30 p.m. ET

Location: Scott Field, Starkville, Miss.

TV: ESPN

Streaming: WatchESPN

Odds: Mississippi State is favored by 15 points.

Ole Miss vs. Mississippi State news:

This year, these teams even have NCAA beef. The long investigation into the Rebels has wrapped up Leo Lewis, a star Bulldogs linebacker.

Mississippi State beat Arkansas last week in a game only notable for likely getting Bret Bielema fired.

The Hogs have had a knack for being punchy when it seems Bielema’s back is against the wall. And it’s never been more against the wall than it was right here.

Even if you’re not an Ole Miss fan, you’ve got to like what A.J. Smith is doing.

Nick Fitzgerald isn’t consistent at all for Mississippi State, but he comes through when it matters.

So who’s gonna be Mississippi’s next head coach? Mike Norvell? Willie Taggart?

Can Mississippi State really be a top-10 team?

Ole Miss vs. Mississippi State prediction:

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