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imagining-in-the-margins · 4 years

Text

Fragile (S.R.)

Summary: Disabled!Reader. Spencer has to stay behind on a case and gets to know the new technical analyst. Request: Spencer/Reader with a physical disability, such as mild cerebral palsy? Couple: Spencer Reid/GN!Reader Category: Fluff (T, 16+) Content Warning: None! Word Count: 6.2k

MASTERLIST

I’m a very proud person. I like to do things for myself, and for the most part, I’m perfectly capable. Even when things are difficult, my problem-solving skills have gotten me far in life. So when I say that my plan to carry my cup of coffee and donut to my desk was foolproof, I need everyone to know that it would have worked.

However, that being said, I acknowledge that it did not look all that foolproof as I was hobbling along with one and a half elbow crutches, a cup of practically boiling coffee in my hand, and a donut shoved in my mouth. Still, I could avoid most of the judgmental stares from the coworkers who already knew better than to ask me if I needed help.

All but one.

“Hey.”

If it had been anyone else, I wouldn’t have stopped. I would have mumbled a muffled greeting through the pastry and continued on my way. But it was just too hard to resist the temptation to talk to Dr. Spencer Reid. I’d only worked here for a few months, and I’d rarely gotten the chance to talk to him beyond quick questions on the phone and conference room meetings.

It wasn’t for a lack of trying, either. I had gone to every single event that the team had gone to; it was Spencer that didn’t go. At first, he had said it was because he wanted to spend the little free time he had with his girlfriend (one of the most significant bummers of my admittedly relatively short existence), but after a few weeks, I found out that they’d broken up.

And, being the kind and understanding soul that I am, I’d decided it was best to give him some space before I made my move. After all, it would suck to be a rebound for your coworker. I insisted to myself that was the only reason, but I knew I was also a filthy, stupid liar.

Because as I stumbled against the empty desk behind me, dropping the crutch I had tucked under my arm onto the floor and practically spilling the coffee along with it, I still tried to look like I wasn’t a goddamn disaster.

Pulling the donut from my mouth and not even trying to wipe away the powdered sugar that covered my cheeks, I smoothly replied, “Hey, yourself.”

Spencer gave an absent nod, standing with his hands tucked safely in his pockets as he inspected the chaotic scene in front of him. Then, as expected, he asked the question I usually loathed to hear.

“Do you need help?”

The world paused, just like it did every time I got the question. I had to weigh my choices carefully, knowing full well that one errant decision would ruin my day for many days to come. I could either accept the offer and risk that person forever viewing me as someone who both wanted and needed their help, or I could deny the offer and risk that person watching me make a fool out of myself.

And as awful as the former sounded, I just really didn’t want him to see me fall on my ass.

“Need it? No. I’ll take it though, if you’re offering,” I nervously laughed, trying to steady myself as we both bent over to grab my crutch at the same time. Ignoring the urge to call it a meet-cute, considering we’d already met and I did not look very cute at the time, I let him do at least that much for me.

He went to trade the crutch for the cup of coffee, but I held up my pinky in pause, wagging it at him as I cautiously warned, “But only if you’re doing it out of the kindness of your heart and not out of pity.”

Spencer peered over the top of the cup, clearly recognizing the smell as his favorite blend of coffee. Not that I’d been stalking him or his preference, or anything, I’d just noticed the few times that we’d been in the kitchen together.

“Why would I pity you? You got the last cup of the good coffee,” he astutely pointed out, taking the cup from me when he earned his sought-after chuckle.

“So is that why you offered? So you could swap our cups when I wasn’t looking?” I returned before I popped the donut back into my mouth, starting in the direction of what my predecessor had lovingly deemed ‘her lair.’

I could tell that Spencer was at least a little bit surprised by my speed, having to jog just a little to catch up to me once I started moving. When he was safely beside me again, I saw him bite his bottom lip.

“I was actually wondering if it would be possible for me to hang out with you today.”

Although the donut was just stuck in my mouth, I still nearly choked on the sugar as I gasped at the question. Luckily for me, Spencer didn’t see that because he was too busy opening the door for me. He patiently waited for my answer, too, standing behind the other chair in the room as I took my seat in front of the computers.

Having had more time to formulate an at least somewhat put together response, I smiled as I finally took the most satisfying bite of a donut I’ve ever had in my life.

“Are you lonely, Dr. Reid?” I finally asked, crossing my legs and spinning around in the chair to see the man more clearly. He still held both cups of our coffee, and his face tried to hide the sly grin on his cheeks as his eyes darted over my cheeks that were probably still dirty from the donut.

“A little bit, yeah,” he admitted, clearing his throat and handing me the cup of coffee. Sure enough, when I took it, he used the free hand to tap his cheek, alerting me of the presence or powdered sugar on my own, which I frantically wiped away.

“Then by all means, have a seat, darling,” I instructed, kicking the chair backwards into his legs. I knew it was his least favorite part of the year; the team had insisted he take a vacation, which was scheduled to start the next day. So, naturally, when they’d been assigned to a case that morning, they’d promptly forbidden him from traveling with them, knowing that if given the option, he would cancel his vacation too quickly for them to protest.

“Thanks.”

And then came the expected, dreaded awkward silence. At least, I thought it was awkward, but from Spencer’s casual sips of coffee, I don’t think he was that bothered by it at all. Even worse for me, I could feel his eyes watching the screens in front of me. Which meant that he would see everything I could see and was probably going to judge how long it took me to read stuff. Also, I couldn’t screw around per usual.

After a few moments that felt more like hours, I spun my chair back around to meet the gaze that I thought had been affixed to my screens. But when I did, I realized that Spencer was looking at me, not my screens.

Clearing my throat, I gathered the courage to present the question I had been planning on asking when I turned around.

“So what’s the other reason you wanted to hang out in here?”

He tilted his head to the side, chewing on his bottom lip before mumbling, “What other reason?”

“You’re a technophobe who just entered the mother of all dens of technology. There’s got to be another reason,” I laughed, gesturing to the flickering lights that looked more like a city skyline than an office.

But Spencer didn’t follow along, his eyes darting down to his coffee as he defensively squeaked, “No there doesn’t!”

I might not have been a profiler, but I knew a cute boy caught in a lie when I saw one.

“Spit it out,” I ordered, leaning forward and tucking my hands between my knees. My eyes narrowed as they tried to locate those damn clues they always talked about, but as soon as his eyes met mine, all coherent thought went out the window.

“Okay, fine. Truthfully?” he offered, playfully puckering his lips.

“Mhm?”

Spencer raised a hand, beckoning me closer with a small wave. I tried to obey, but found he was too far away to get as close as he wanted me to be. Luckily for me, he seemed dedicated to solving that problem.

Before I even knew what was happening, Spencer’s foot tucked around the base of my chair. He pulled the whole thing forward, the wheels easily carrying me forward until our knees bumped together.

And if he saw the signs of embarrassment written all over me, which I’m certain he did, he didn’t seem bothered by them. If anything, he kind of looked like the cat that got the cream.

“I don’t have another reason.”

“You’re a liar!” I shrieked back, not noticing how loud my voice was until it echoed back into the tiny room.

Thankfully, based on his equally loud laughter, Spencer seemed entertained.

“Okay, if I did have one, which I don’t,” he paused, raising a finger as if to emphasize the defense, “it wouldn’t be related to information technologies.”

“Did you just avoid saying the acronym IT?” I snorted. I‘d known the guy was old-fashioned, but I didn’t realize just how far that silliness went.

“They’re not difficult words to say,” he defended, crossing his arms and trying to hide his pout behind an obviously feigned confidence.

“Dude, it’s 8 syllables.”

“I refuse to take criticism from someone who calls me ‘dude,’” he immediately shot back. Then, mimicking my earlier unease, he began to spin his chair away from me.

But I wasn’t about to let that happen, leaning forward and grabbing the arm of his chair and pulling him back closer to me as I sarcastically corrected myself, “Fine. It’s 8 syllables, Dr. Reid.”

He looked down at my hands, and I saw something flash over his features for just a second before he returned to the somewhat suave man that I’d been assured he wasn’t. I wondered why it was that he seemed so much more confident than people gave him credit for, but figured it was just a matter of my seeing him through rose tinted glasses.

“Maybe I just wanted to talk more and ran out of things to say,” he suggested.

The idea alone was enough to make me flustered, and hearing the words in his voice sent me to another plane of existence. Then, once again, Spencer was grinning at me with a devilishly satisfied smile that made me question whether he meant anything he said, or if he was just trying to rile me up.

So, I fought back. Just in case.

“You? No way,” I teased, pushing his chair away, knowing he wouldn’t go too far considering his feet were still resting on the legs of my chair.

“You’ve never talked to me!”

The implication made me pause, because we had talked before— on several occasions, actually. It was the words he didn’t say that mattered to me.

I’ve never talked with him… alone.

He raised his eyebrows in a challenge when I didn’t respond, too busy lost in my own panicked thoughts.

“I-I don’t need to. That’s how much you talk,” I said, sticking my nose in the air and hoping that it gave me some semblance of a proud appearance. Because while the comeback was honestly very good, I had also stuttered while saying it.

“That’s fair,” he replied with a gentle nod I saw through my peripherals.

With shakier hands, I continued to click buttons on the screen and pretend like I was doing something. But all the intelligent thoughts were gone, and the screen in front of me seemed like a bunch of gibberish.

Spencer was quiet then, rolling his chair over to sit beside me rather than stay awkwardly behind me, and he watched the windows as I dragged them over the monitors. That lasted for maybe 2 minutes before he stopped, looking back to me again.

“What if I told you that’s the real reason I came in here?”

That was enough to stop me in my tracks, which seemed to be a habit around the doctor.

“What? To talk?” I asked once I was able to make my traitorous hand move again.

“To talk to you.”

My heart stopped, and I had to double check that I was still connected to the chair, because I felt like the world was spinning around me. I turned to him after he said it, spotting the slight insecurity in his eyes before I could even come up with a quip to return. Because he’d meant it. Spencer just wanted to talk to me.

There were so many things I could have said. I could have flirted back, could have asked him to clarify, or just given him a knowing look to sympathize with his own anxieties over the situation we had placed ourselves in. But I didn’t do any of those things, because before I could pick one, we were very rudely interrupted by the insistent screaming of the telephone.

“Hello, this is (y/n),” I said much too loudly into the receiver once I managed to actually answer the call.

But, naturally, it was just the assholes from the second floor, demanding paper copies of files I knew they could have easily procured online, or by taking a short walk to the file room themselves.

“Uh… Yeah, I can bring you those it just might be a min–“ I mumbled absently, my mind still reeling from the sudden confession of Spencer, who now sat aloof and unbothered next to me.

The less interesting man whining incoherently into the other end of the call continued to cut me off, explaining the importance of the files. Which, if you asked me, was more of a reason they should have just gotten the damn things themselves.

“Yes, I know that it’s urgent, but if you want physical copies, you’re going to have to be patient. Yep. End of the day. Got it,” I curtly replied, slamming my finger on the key to cut off the call in a huff.

“Asshole,” I sighed, somehow almost forgetting the presence of the second person in the room. “Sorry! Not you, Reid. I meant the guy on the phone,” I quickly explained, tapping my hand over the earpiece to demonstrate something I’m sure he already knew.

He didn’t bother responding to any of that, though, instead focusing on the crux of the problem in his usual helpful manner.

“I can take the files for you.”

“Thanks, but I’ve got it. He can wait.” My face twisted into a grimace, and I regretted that Spencer could see it, but he sort of just giggled at the sight. He looked away for a minute, down at his fingers as they picked at the printed label on his coffee cup that always made me smile.

But then he was back to looking at me. And I realized that was what got to me about Spencer Reid: he looked at me.

So many people, both at work and outside of it, either saw through me or couldn’t see past the braces and crutches. But Spencer was never like that. When he looked at me, I felt… whole. It felt like I was just waiting for his eyes to find me again, and once they had, my body could relax into the comfort of his company.

It was intoxicating and addicting, and I just really wanted to know if he felt the same. But how could I ask him that? I mean, did he ever feel that way? He had to, right? He was an open and notorious savant in a space where those qualities were easily taken advantage of.

How did he stay so kind, so calm, so… innocent wasn’t the right word.

Spencer, unaware of the massive monologue I was waxing poetic in my head, ripped me from the thoughts with an awkward laugh.

“You know, the last time I was in here for this long was after I was shot in the knee.”

“Were you an adventurer before?” I said with a clever smile and received an absolutely perplexed put in return.

“What do you mean?”

I burst into a small fit of giggles at my own stupidity, which only confused the poor guy more. But really, it was my fault for making a vague video game reference to the man I’d literally just described as a technophobe.

“Never mind. It’s a bad joke.”

He accepted the answer, although I think I might have embarrassed him a little bit. There was no reason for him to feel bad about it, though. I was the one who’d made a joke that didn’t land. It figured that he would feel bad about that, though. Spencer was just sweet like that.

“I kind of drove Garcia crazy.”

“The feeling is mutual,” I announced with a hefty dose of sarcasm that I hoped would be enough for him to pick up on. And sure enough, whether it was the sarcasm or just the overall body language I was displaying, Spencer knew something was up.

“Now who’s lying?” he murmured under his breath, sipping from his coffee with those cute little quirked eyebrows.

My mouth dropped open at the forward accusation, and throwing a hand over my heart, I over-dramatically gasped, “I am not lying.”

“Maybe…” he whispered, poking his head forward and scooting his chair around me to get a better look at all angles of my face, which I presented to him the way I imagined a model would. Still, the jerk just chuckled, “It’s too hard to tell.”

But he didn’t move away. Instead, he got closer, his hands finding their way onto the arms of my chair as we sat only a few inches apart. I tried so hard to hide my trembling hands in my lap as my body shrank in on itself just a little bit. Although I would later claim that I was just trying to be coy, I was really terrified by the fact he was even more attractive up close.

Trying to maintain my pride and nonchalant reputation, I barely managed to develop and deliver a quick quip to get me out of the boiling water I’d landed in.

“Hey, egghead, instead of analyzing my micro expressions, how about you do take those files down?”

“Avoidance. A typical trait associated with deception,” Spencer said, shaking his head with apparent disappointment as he pushed himself back into his chair. But he also obviously used way more force than necessary, which led to his chair slowly spinning away from me as he excitedly started to speak again.

“Did you know egghead wasn’t originally an insult? It was originally a term very similar to highbrow, and although it quickly developed negative connotations, it was mostly a result of American politics.”

I glanced back to see him still spinning, albeit a bit happier now that he was in control. If he was trying to look like he’d meant to do it, he was doing a remarkably good job of it. But I knew the truth.

“Sounds like the kind of thing only an egghead would know.”

Shortly after I said it, I heard a distinct crashing sound behind me that I didn’t dare turn to look at. Soon after, Spencer popped up next to me again, this time on the other side.

“Didn’t you call yourself Humpty Dumpty last week?” he asked, grabbing hold of the counter that was cluttered with papers and trinkets to stop himself from spinning away again. It would have been cuter if he hadn’t just tried to compare me to an egg.

“I’ll have you know, Dr. Reid, that Humpty Dumpty wasn’t explicitly described as an egg until Le-“

“Lewis Carrol’s 1871 book Through the Looking Glass,” he cut me off, finishing the sentence with more detail than I would have given.

He didn’t need to know that, though.

“I would have gotten it right. I know things, too,” I haughtily replied. And although I wouldn’t ever admit to it, it did make the butterflies in my stomach flutter at the thought of him finishing my sentences. I was sure it would eventually get old, but right then it just made me feel like we were straight out a cheesy Disney production.

But Disney also wasn’t really the mood I wanted our relationship to be based on. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Disney or that I thought everything revolved around adult themes and sex — both of those things could be wonderful in their own way! It’s just that disabled people are always seen as innocent, asexual beings that could never want and desire like the others.

I just wanted him to look at me and see me for who I was, the way he always did. And the real me included the ridiculously awkward but super fun flirting. So, with one final pep talk, I reminded myself that we’d never get anywhere if I was scared of the goofball who’d literally just spun circles around me.

“And for the record, of the two of us, I still contend that I’m significantly less fragile than you,” I lightheartedly teased, reaching a hand over to tap his adorable button nose.

I couldn’t tell if the flirting went over his head or if he was just too caught up in the competition, but he responded with a question.

“What’s your criteria?”

“That’s top secret information,” I said quickly, now having backed myself into a promiscuous corner with a man who might or might not know we were there at all.

“I have top secret clearance,” he answered within seconds.

Before I looked at him, I assumed that he was taking my words literally and answering them the same. But when I did turn, I saw an undeniable playfulness in every subtle movement he made. From his fingers tapping against the counter to the way his eyes bounced between my eyes and lips, I saw the charm only an equally romantically clumsy fool could give.

I chuckled, using the same finger that had messed with him before to tuck a strand of his unruly hair behind his ear. Spencer’s face turned a pleasing shade of pink at the continued physical contact, his eyes following my hand past where he could see.

But I wasn’t done. I knew how to really get to him. It also had the possibility of ruining my career. That would be worth it though, right? It definitely felt that way at the time. So I leaned forward, bypassing his very kissable, flushed cheeks to whisper in his ear, “Then maybe we should go to the SCIF and I’ll tell you all my secrets.”

Then I waited. I don’t know how long I waited because time warped so quickly into an existential vacuum that consisted only of me and the boy on the other end of my words. But I knew the world continued on, because I felt Spencer’s breath against my cheek just as ragged as my own. I heard the jumbled mess of thoughts that we expressed in that somewhat silent moment and I prayed that he would do something to make it more.

“(Y/n)—“ he started, his voice as soft as I imagine clouds would be.

Unfortunately, no matter what he was planning to do, it would have ended poorly. I know this because shortly after my name made its way to his mouth, the door opened, flooding the little dark room with fluorescent light and the regular timeline of reality.

“Dr. Reid?” Anderson announced.

Spencer and I tensed up and shot back so quickly, I’m surprised our chairs didn’t literally drift apart, too. Thankfully, Anderson was none the wiser, having required those precious few seconds to allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness I usually kept myself in.

“What’s up?” Spencer answered, clearing his throat and looking anywhere but in my direction.

“I just got a shipment from the Alexandria police that I could use your help with.”

They both turned to me, and I got the strangest feeling that they were asking me for permission. Unsure of what else I was supposed to do, I just nodded and smiled. Although in my heart, I was doing anything but. Really, I was screaming at Anderson in my head for ruining my very cute moment with the very cute doctor for something as stupid as organizing files from a department that should have done it before they ever sent them.

“Right. Sure,” he said, getting up from his seat. He must have felt my eyes following him out, because Spencer stopped at the door and gave a small, sad wave and a smile before swamping me in the darkness and technicolor lights once more.

The rest of the day passed so much faster without the distraction from work, but I had way less fun than I imagined I would have had with Spencer. To be fair, though, there was no way of me really knowing that he would have returned my blatant flirting. Everything up until that last comment could be written off as jokes. I probably shouldn’t have done it, I thought, but what was I going to do about it? An apology seemed like the easiest solution, and I had plenty of time to dream it up as I made my way down to the file room to grab the records that I’d printed for the assholes on the second floor.

I was originally planning on dropping them off on my way out, but lo and behold, the files weren’t there. It didn’t take a genius to know where they’d gone. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was nearly five and prayed that he hadn’t left for the day. Because once he was gone, I would have to wait two damn weeks to yell at him.

I was in such a rush to get back to the BAU’s bullpen that I didn’t even notice the person in front of me waiting for the elevator. But luckily, Spencer noticed me.

“Hey!” he greeted with a smile stretched over his cheeks.

I tried to ignore how cute it was that he seemed so excited by my sweaty, out of breath self. I was mad at him, dammit.

“You took the files down. I didn’t need you to do that,” I huffed, trying to catch my breath while also trying to prevent the elevator doors from closing between us. Spencer put his hand out to catch it, but then also stepped over my crutch to stand beside me.

“I did. Sorry,” he freely acknowledged with a shrug. “But in my defense, I didn’t do it because I think you’re incapable. I did it… out of the kindness of my heart. And another slightly selfish reason.”

“What’s that?” I immediately demanded the explanation, not realizing just how worked up I’d gotten. It’s like my mind was running on inertia and assumptions that had already been discredited. I’d been so angry about the idea of him doing my job out of pity that I had forgotten to remember that the wasn’t that kind of man. Which meant...

“Because I knew that if I did it, you would confront me about it, and I would get to talk to you again.”

If you could have put a microphone to my thoughts in that moment, you would have heard the familiar dial tone of a computer still trying to connect. Spencer, on the other hand, just averted his gaze from my dumbstruck, flattered expression, back to the comfort of the back of the elevator doors, wearing what I’d come to think of as his signature smirk.

“So you’re flirting with me?” I thought out loud, only halfway turning to him as I muttered the question. If he struggled to understand the slurred, muffled words, he made no show of it.

Instead, very confidently and with a little bit of sass, he replied, “Sorry, was I not obvious enough about it? Yes, I am flirting with you.”

“Why?”

As soon as I’d asked the question, I regretted it. It sounded so pathetic. Why would someone flirt with me? I knew the answer to that question! It was just those stupid insecurities bubbling up from beneath the surface, threatening to spoil a day of lighthearted fun with Spencer. But the boy wonder just shrugged, his smile never once leaving his face.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

The elevator came to its stop at the parking garage, and as he stepped off after me, I realized he was planning on walking me to my car. Although for a brief second I worried he might get caught in commuter traffic on my account, my heart rioted at the thought of letting that distant concern ruin the moment.

Sure enough, Spencer stayed next to me down the familiar path to my car. As I unlocked it, the small beep resounding in the large garage, he stopped me from going too far with another gentle confession.

“It was fun hanging out with you today.”

I turned back to face him, nodding my head back and forth in contemplation before I settled on an only slightly insulting joke back, “Yeah, I guess it’s not so bad listening to you talk.”

Spencer smiled at the jab, taking a few steps closer to stand in front of me. “I barely got a word in all day.” He tried to complain, but we both knew it was nonsense. Just because he hadn’t talked as much as usual hardly meant I’d been spewing soliloquies. .

“How much do you expect to talk in any given conversation, Dr. Reid?”

He mirrored my earlier signal, his head lolling from side to side until he answered, “Until there’s nothing left to say.”

“We’d be here all night,” I chuckled, repositioning my crutches so I could sway closer to him in the already quickly narrowing gap between our bodies.

“Doesn’t have to be here,” Spencer returned with a shrug and a smirk.

We were fast approaching dangerous territory, and I struggled to try and decide just how much of the conversation was for fun and what was serious. I knew that he wasn’t exactly the most perceptive person, and so that younger, scared version of myself screamed in the back of my head that someone like Spencer would never see me as anything more than a friend.

But there was an easy way to test those boundaries. I could challenge those rude, self-hating thoughts with as much repartee as he would allow. And if today was any indication, he would let it go on for a long time. Hell, he’d practically said as much.

“I don’t think we need a more romantic atmosphere for a conversation,” I said, challenging him with the strongest eye contact I could muster without giving away just how scared I really was.

It didn’t work. My mounting anxiety was so obvious it might as well had been written on my forehead. Spencer, trained in the art of recognizing when people were lying to themselves and others, saw it immediately.

“Not everything that should be said needs to be spoken,” he assured me, looking down at the asphalt. And in that simple, seemingly pointless motion, I felt the same insecurities projected back to me. It became clear to me that the two of us were playing the stupidest game of chicken, and both of us were too petrified of rejection to make that final jump.

But he was trying. He was trying so hard, his eyes slowly making their way back to my face and finding my precarious smile.

“In fact, some of the most compelling statements don’t involve words at all,” he proudly opined, finding comfort in the similar thoughts displayed in each other’s eyes.

“Come here,” I called.

First, Spencer just looked down at my finger as I released the crutch and beckoned him closer, as if to ask me how that was possible. We were already close enough that I could almost feel his body heat. But I cleared my throat, bringing his attention back to where it mattered and motioned for him to lower his face to mine.

Once he did, I didn’t give him a chance to reconsider, swiftly connecting our lips in a rather chaste kiss, considering what I actually wanted to do. Spencer jumped at the contact, his hands jumping forward to grab my hips to stop himself from falling on top of me in his shock.

I hadn’t planned for it to become a full-fledged make out session in the FBI parking garage, but it seemed that Spencer had different plans. Bringing one hand up to my face, he pulled my whole body against his as he kissed me again.

And although hard and rushed, the kiss wasn’t rough in the slightest. It was patient, tender, and comforting. His lips felt like they were always meant to be there, and even in the Virginia heat his warm hands felt like heaven. He was sweeter than the sugar that had been stuck to my cheeks, and I wished that I could start every morning with him, instead.

I giggled into his lips as the kiss came to its sadly inevitable end, my face following his as he pulled away.

“Looks like you were right,” I said through the laughter, biting down on my bottom lip that still tingled with his touch.

Spencer laughed, too, leaving his hands on me even as he pulled back.

“That’s two to nothing in my favor,” he pointed out as we both tried to slow our racing hearts.

“You’re keeping score?” I said, playfully throwing my shoulder forward to knock into his arm. He let his hands fall away, using them instead to run through his hair and smooth down his shirt that had become rumpled in the fray.

“To be fair, you haven’t tested my biggest theory,” I objected, raising my eyebrows as I finally opened my car door and removed one of my crutches. Spencer continued watching me, albeit a little sad now that there was a piece of metal between us.

“Which one is that?”

Tossing both crutches into the car, I turned back just long enough to answer.

“That I’m not as fragile as you might think I am.”

Once I climbed into the car, Spencer finally joined me on my side of the door, resting his hand on the car to prevent me from closing it before he got all the answers he wanted.

“How do you propose we test that theory?”

“You’re a genius. Why don’t you figure it out?” I cheekily shrugged.

He glanced around the immediate area, probably to avoid an HR disaster, before he said in a lower, and dare I say sultry voice, “I have a feeling that one might require a more romantic atmosphere.”

“Not romantic. Just... private,” I corrected with a coy grin.

The poor guy’s face started to turn red again, and I only felt a little guilty for getting him worked up when I knew I probably wouldn’t see him for two weeks. Then again... A vacation was the perfect time to get to know him, wasn’t it?

Spencer, clearly reading my mind, suddenly blurted out the least smooth but most endearing, genuine compliment I’d ever received. “You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met. Let me take you out for dinner.”

The sudden question caught me so off guard that I almost pinched myself. I chose to ignore the offer at first, my brain still convinced this was all some elaborate joke or something I’d dreamed during a nap at my desk following my eighth cup of coffee.

“That’s not private at all,” I countered, nervously starting my car so that my hands would have something more productive to do. I was worried that if I hadn’t given them something, they would have tried to drag him into the car right then and there.

“No, it’s not,” he agreed, trying to hide his childlike enthusiasm behind the more promiscuous banter, “I have a few more theories to test before then.”

“Fine. I guess you’re worth the wait,” I sighed, finally allowing myself to reach up and grab his tie. I considered pulling him down to me, but to my surprise, he made the motion for me. That time, the kiss was short and sweet. It was the first of what would hopefully become too many to count.

Before he left me completely, though, he stopped with his hands on the door. He looked down at me like he always did, so effortlessly beautiful and comforting in his sincerity. I saw so many things in his eyes, but never pity or remorse. I saw joy, compassion, and a future that I would very much like to explore.

“And for the record...” Spencer said, reading my mind one more time before the day’s end, “I really hope your theory is right.”

(Tell me what you thought of this fic here!)

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #fluff #criminal minds self insert #spencer reid self insert

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thestarlightsymphony · 3 years

Note

Can you do number 20, please? 😙

20. Bandaging/stitching up an injury

Bounties were already pretty scarce before the girls left. So when the opportunity arose and the target looked interesting, Spike was more than raring to go. Of course, that attitude always led to disaster, and this time was no exception.

The info on the bounty was rotten; turns out he had friends, and those friends had friends. Spike? Well, he’d figured it was a quick catch, only gave Jet a brief heads-up before he was off. He barely made it back to the ship conscious.

As Spike made a wobbly landing, he couldn’t hear half of Jet’s barrage through the ringing in his ears. Among a couple shots to his shoulder and a beat down he hadn’t had since childhood, he’d been knocked against a wall, hard, before he’d been able to make a break for it. Probably got a concussion; that would explain why he was seeing double as he popped open the hood to the Swordfish and struggled to get a grip as he stood. That would also explain why he missed his footing and nearly broke his arm, tumbling to the floor of the hangar.

Jet’s furious tirade turned quickly to confusion as he approached him from the hatch, but Spike still couldn’t make out his words. In fact, it was pretty hard to concentrate on anything, including staying on his feet. The adrenaline had completely worn off, and the pain was catching up to him. The hangar continued to blur as Jet caught him, hooking under his arm as his eyelids started to droop.

Huh... never thought this would be the end of me.

Another pair of hands caught him just as his knees gave out, and the hangar faded altogether....

-----

The first feeling was aching. A tingling, constant pain, dragging Spike unforgiving back to consciousness. His eyelids felt heavy, too heavy too open, and all he wanted to do was sleep to escape the pain, but the pain and... something else wouldn’t let him.

Everything ached. The back of his head pounded like a son of a bitch, and even the smallest muscle twitch was excruciating. His shoulder felt the worst of it; two bullets will do that to you.

In fact, that’s what he could feel. Spike still couldn’t open his eyes, his body wasn’t fully awake. But he could feel something, a weight on his arm. Like... a hand. Someone was holding his hand. Another weight descended, firmly holding down his other shoulder. Sound was coming back to him. He could almost hear... what were they saying...

“--- sure? Shouldn’t he--- ake fo--- is?”

“Noth--- can’t le--- fected--- eady?”

Something long was forced between his teeth. It felt strange, like wood almost.

“Alright, on three. One. Two---”

Spike understood the wooden spoon between his teeth seconds before the pliers began to dig for the bullets in his arm. Red hot pain shot instantly through his arm as metal intruded against tender muscle. His back arched on instinct, his jaw locked against the scream forcing its way through his body. The hands holding him down tensed, keeping him in place even as he thrashed against the ever increasing agony.

He felt the first one being pulled free, one last rush before the pain slightly eased. All feeling faded again before they started on the second.

----

Something cool draped across his forehead. It felt so soothing, but Spike couldn’t remember why he needed anything like that.

What... what had he been doing?

He couldn’t remember much; nothing but the static of something important. Something really painful... was he dead?

No... he could feel that much. In fact, it was becoming unfortunate that he could feel. Feeling was bringing back a body-wide discomfort.

Oh, yeah. The shoot-out, the fight he lost, the... oooooh. Arm, bullet, bummer. Right.

It still hurt, but the excoriation had dulled. The cool feeling spread, from his forehead, then from the hole in his shoulder. It was being spread, somehow, soft and carefully. An gentle pressure held his arm up, before a thin cloth began to wrap around his arm.

Ah. Jet, probably. Pulled the bullet out; I’ll have to thank him---

A quiet voice began to hum, close to his ear. Some long-forgotten tune from a dead era. Sung just so slightly out of key, he liked to think.

Heavy footsteps brought the smell of cooking food closer. “How’s he doing? He wake up yet?”

Fingers touched his face, lightly brushing strands of hair from his forehead. “Not yet. I’m just about finished bandaging him up, the lunkhead.”

The deeper voice chuckled. “Wouldn’t have guessed you’d actually want to help stitch him up, Faye. I bet he’ll pay dearly for such tender care.”

Faye practically hissed, one hand clasping Spike’s arm. “Don’t you dare tell him I helped! He’s already got a big enough head; don’t give him any ideas that I care about him or anything. I’m not even really helping. You can’t make dinner and put him back together, and I’m sure as hell not going to cook for you men. I’m not really the ‘housewife’ type, you know?”

“You’re telling me that you’re bandaging Spike up because you want dinner faster?”

“Precisely.”

“Whatever,” Jet mocked, his footsteps gradually receding. “Better get a move on, then, if you don’t want him to get the wrong idea. Might want to stop staring at him for long periods, too.”

The hand gripping his arm tightened, but Faye only tsked until Jet’s footsteps had faded away. The cloth wrapping around his arm resumed as she muttered to herself.

“Unbelievable. As if I’d... ugh. Men. So full of themselves. As if I had any... for this lunkhead?! He just gets himself into trouble, time and time again, and we have to pick up after him. Such a baby.”

Faye tucked the edge of the bandage, resting Spike’s hand lightly in her own. “Lunkhead,” she muttered. Delicate fingers trailed along his shoulder, traveling up his neck to his jaw. “Look at you, with your perfect shoulders and strong jaw. Can’t even look after yourself. You really are lucky I stayed around, you know? At least now you have someone looking out for you.”

She adjusted the clothe on his brow, tucking her fingers gently through his hair. “Stay asleep a little longer, alright? You need it, considering all this damage if you’ve done to yourself. Jet checked you over with the alpha catch; nothing more than you’ve already got wrong with that head of yours. Sleep a little more, won’t you Spike? Just stay as you are, right now, quiet and handsome... and alive.”

Some fabric rustled, and he felt her breath against his neck. “Stay alive, Spike Spiegel. Please.”

Spike shifted towards her voice. “Can’t make any promises,” he mumbled.

Faye gasped. A slap quickly followed.

“What the hell, Faye,” Spike groaned, too exhausted for much more.

“How... how long have you been awake?”

Spike cracked his eyes open, barely shrugging. “Just that last part.”

He searched her face, a weak smile forming at the panic in her eyes. “You really want me to stay alive, huh?”

Faye’s face immediately scrunched into a glare. “Of course,” she growled as she stood. “We don’t have enough to spare on burying you. It’d be a waste of money, anyway. With the way you act, it’s not like there’ll be much to bury, anyway.”

With a huff, she stood. “Jet’s almost done with dinner. Try and stay awake, since you’re at it already.”

She hurried out of sight, grumbling as she went. Spike’s eyes drifted up to the ceiling fan. He twitched his good arm experimentally. Too weak, still ached too much, otherwise he would have raised it to his face.

To his cheek, where the ghost of Faye’s fingertips still made his skin tingle.

Strong jaw, huh?

His grin widened.

Don’t worry, Faye. I won’t get the wrong idea.

As long as you don’t.

... It was strange, though.

Her touch was so gentle. Much more than he’d imagined.

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cancerbiophd · 4 years

Text

How I landed an industry job straight out of my life sciences PhD, without doing a post-doc

In less than 7 weeks I’ll be defending my dissertation as a final step in my PhD in Cancer Biology, and yesterday I accepted a Scientist position at a local biotechnology company. And best part: I didn’t have to do the dreaded post-doc first! Which is pretty rare for our field (but I hope it’ll be more and more common for PhD’s going into industry).

I promised I would talk about the process here, and I hope that anyone who’s aiming for the same path can walk away with some tips or at least with a familiarity of the process.

The main points I want to get across:

Network network network. You can probably just stop reading here, because this job came about all through networking. I was basically head-hunted--someone in my network (a program alumnus) contacted me on LinkedIn to ask if I wanted to apply for a position on the team she directs. So set up your LinkedIn account, keep it up to date, and use it to actively network. At the very least you should connect with the alumni in your program as you all have something in common already, and since they’re out and about in the field they would be great resources for informational interviews and job referrals.

My expertise and career goals matched the position. No brainer, of course. Even if I wasn’t contacted by the company, I would only be applying to companies I qualified for (so companies dealing with cancer since I’m my PhD is in Cancer Bio). My lab mate, for example, was finishing up his PhD in Nutritional Sciences but was applying to cancer companies with no result, because it just wasn’t the candidate those companies were looking for. My expertise was also probably what got that director’s attention in the first place and the reason she reached out. She was basically willing to wait 7 months for me (from job posting to my final start-date) because I was her ideal candidate, and not just based off my expertise alone, but our personalities matched too. She told me “we communicate well” aka our work personalities match. I know you can’t change who you are obviously, but getting along with your manager goes a long way.

That being said, employers/PIs are flexible with start dates for PhD candidates. I applied to this position 6 months before I had my defense date set and when I only knew a ballpark of “sometime in the summer”. And then during my interview process I had to keep pushing that potential start-date back and back and back. But the company understood this. So as a PhD candidate you could start applying 6 months before your expected end-date (even if it’s still a moving target), or even months earlier for post-docs (which are much more flexible than industry positions). In general, you should start looking 1 year before your finish date to see what’s out there.

It was also good luck/timing. If I had graduated earlier than the job posting, then I never would’ve had this opportunity. I also only added her to my LinkedIn network because I went to a lunch seminar where she gave a talk about working in industry. So small things that ultimately made a huge difference. Some you can’t control, but some (like going to that lunch) are definitely opportunities to seize.

I was low “flight risk”. Companies are always afraid their employees will leave the company/city for greener pastures, and that’s more common in “less popular” places to live, like the southwest desert where I’m located. But I’m from here, my grad school is here, my family’s here--so the company is making the assumption I’m not going to just up and go any time soon. You obviously can’t control where your family chooses to settle down, but you may be able to strategically choose your grad school based off of its proximity to potential companies.

And lastly, in my experience, PhD’s with no post-doc in biotech industry should expect an annual salary somewhere between $75-95k (depending on the company and cost of living), with benefits.

Ok, my full story under cut if you’d like to know more about the process I went through:

It all started when a program alumnus (or alumna, if you’re picky about your latin) named RF talked at a lunch seminar to students in my program in Feb 2019. I was really interested in her company and knew she would be a great network to have, so I emailed her later to thank her, and then added her on LinkedIn.

Fast forward to January of this year (2020) when RF messaged me on LinkedIn out of the blue asking me how close I was to graduating and if I would be interested in a position at her company. I think she wanted someone asap (so not me, I thought), but we talked more about my project, and she said she’d keep in touch. In February, she messaged me again saying a position opened up on her team and she wanted to see if I would like to apply. I said heck yes (or the more formal version), and sent in my application, with the expectation that I would be defending sometime in the summer. I also put her as my job referral and messaged her afterwards to let her know my application went through (with the hopes that maybe she could fast-track it through HR, which I think she did).

In the meantime, I messaged (also on LinkedIn) another program alumnus I knew (our time overlapped a few years) who currently works with RF and we chatted on the phone about what he does at work, how he likes it there, etc. Basically an informational interview (and also to catch up as colleagues). I was also hoping he’d put in a good word for me with RF and can attest I’m a decent human being and all that.

2 weeks later, I had a phone interview with RF, and I was super nervous going into it. I even practiced pages and pages of answers of common interview questions for a week straight. But to my surprise she opened the call with “I already know a lot about you from your CV, LinkedIn profile, and also your PhD training because we’re from the same program, so this is your chance to ask me questions!” And I was like, uhhhh awesome! The only thing she wanted to know about me was when I could start, and at that moment in time I was gunning for a July/Aug defense date.

(I also emailed her and HR afterwards to ask them whether they could match my salary expectation, which I had researched well beforehand for what was common in the field for my position and experience, and they said they could.)

We then set up the next round of interviews for April with a colleague of RF’s who used to be in the same team but now directs her own, and RF’s boss (these would have normally been on-site, but I did them over the phone bc Covid). I again messaged my friend at the company asking if he had any tips.

And then disaster struck! The company’s HR called me a week before those scheduled interviews to tell me the company had ordered a hiring freeze due to Covid and the effect it was having on the economy. Absolute bummer :( :( :(

So I then applied for a few more positions here and there, including some post-docs (which I really didn’t want to do). I got 2 rounds of interviews for a Scientist position at another local company, and as of today I still haven’t heard anything from them. oh well.

Then in June I finally heard back from RF’s company saying the hiring freeze has been lifted and whether I’m still interested? Uh, heck yes! So we continued with those 2 phone interviews I had originally scheduled back in April. They both went really well. But I still continued to apply to other positions in the meantime because I wanted to have as many options as I could.

Then 2 weeks ago (July 7) I got THE call: they wanted to offer me the position! :D

Only problem was, we needed to settle on a start-date. They of course wanted me to start like, yesterday, but my PI wanted to push back my original defense date of Aug 28 one more week to Sept 4, and also wanted me to focus on any dissertation edits for 2 weeks after that. So my earliest start-date would be Sept 21. If you remember, my defense date shifted from “sometime in the summer” to “July/August” to now September, so I was really worried the company wouldn’t accept this. I nervously waited 2 weeks for someone to call me back, and in my head I kept thinking, “I blew it I blew it”. I even sent in a job application to another company in that time.

But RF finally called me and said hey, no problem, we can do that! She told me she was willing to wait because I really was her perfect candidate (I had all the experience she wanted, and she said we communicated well aka our work-personalities matched). She had also just recently hired another graduate from our program, who is also a friend of mine, so she knew we would all mesh together very nicely.

And that’s the story folks! I’ll be starting the position remotely until it’s safe to return to the building again. They’re also working with my husband to see if he’s a good candidate for some of their other open positions (we’re both in the biotech field). We’re both super excited about this new chapter in our lives.

All this because I attended the lunch seminar RF talked at all last year and then added her on LinkedIn. When people talk about opportunities lurking behind every corner, they really did mean that.

#job advice #gradblr #sciblr #m

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blastthechaos · 3 years

Text

Mirror - STC/STCO

This is a fanwork, regardles of how well you think it portrays the characters, use canon material to get a actual feeling of them

He looked himself in the mirror.

He rubbed his messy brown spines, looked at his crappy shoes and gloves that looked like they fall apart at any time and finally stared at his indifferent blue eyes.

He was annoyed at looking at himself, he looked like a abandoned brat that was scraping to survive...that sadly was the reality he lived on.

He sometimes wondered why did he had no parents, did they died? Did they abandoned him? He guessed the later, after all every adult avoided him like the plague, the only close things he had to friends where Johnny and Porker.

Meh, he’ll show them, one day…

Dissatisfied with what he saw, he turned away from the mirror and walked away.

He looked himself in the mirror.

He touched his blue and fused quills, looked at his white gloves and red sneakers that were worn from fighting, then went to his blue eyes, now with heavy bags included to add to his now tired look.

He HATED looking at himself, just an extension of the hatred he had for himself in general.

He called himself a hero, but he just contributed into making Mobius a worse place just as much as his enemies did. Creating Robotnik and dooming one of the closest thing he had to a parent to be a monster who ruled over the planet and made everyone miserable. Hurting people both with his words cause he couldn’t spit out how he actually felt about them and with his fists when he was pumped with Chaos Energy. Porker was now retired cause he lost his nerve from being trapped with the Metallixes for a month, he then instead of comforting him decided to insult him, sure they patched up but he was still disgusted with himself for doing so.

He spent years fighting, practically for most of his childhood and teenagehood, yet Robotnik still ruled the planet. He was a failure who pretended to be a great hero.

Disgusted, he walked away from the mirror.

He looked himself in the mirror.

He grabbed a fistful of his blue fur, looked at his worn gloves and shoes, finally setting to his now emerald green eyes, which are more tired and sad than his blue ones...as well with the add on of dried tears.

he growled at the sight of himself in the mirror.

Because of him, Johnny died…

Even after the planet was freed and he got rid of Super Sonic from his being (he was still hunting for that bastard to get rid of him for good), trouble still arises and he barely managed to scrape together wins to keep himself and the others alive of all the bullshit that came at them.

He had to deal with the Drakons, an alien race that had a beef with him because something that happened years ago and he didn’t feel was important at the time.

He had to deal with Robotnik ever worsening sanity, from trying to attain godhood, to fusing two worlds together (and he got to see Kintobor one last time in the flesh), to trying to destroy the world and everyone and seemingly dying.

Robotnik wasn’t Kintobor, but he still felt bad that he reached such a state and it was because of his fault.

And now Johnny died, because he was such a coward that he wasn’t able to get past Chaos Fear Effect….yet Johnny could.

Outraged, he punched the mirror as hard as he could which obliterated it, he stomped away from it.

He looked himself in the mirror.

He lazily looked to his messy and dirty blue fur, his used and dirty gloves and shoes, his new brown cloak and then to his green eyes, tired, sad, with pretty big bags...and faint red spirals.

He wondered why he bothered anymore, he went to from hero as undeserved as it was, to a fugitive and pariah and it certainly didn’t do anything good for his already pretty bad mental state.

He hid it behind is usual mask of arrogance and trash talk, like he does with everything in his life.

He was angry, at Grimer and the Neo Metallix for ruining his life just because he stopped Robotnik, at Kane for ruining his life just for cash, a the whole population of Mobius for believing it despite all he had done for them, at his friends for believing it despite the countless doppelgangers he had that tried to ruin his reputation and at himself for everything he had done wrong.

And now his cover as Bob Beaky had been blown. He won’t be able to get a good sleep anymore…

Depressed, he keeps on his way.

“Come on Mr. Sonic, I want to see the new experiment mommy did with Mr. Porker and Mr. Kintobor”

“Hold on kid, your moms told me I had to get you dressed, they kill me if they don’t”

“Ugh, I don’t want to wear those clothes, they’re uncomfortable and uncool”

“I think so too buddy, but your moms probably won’t let you see me for a month if I disobey them, remember when they found out I teached you the Spin Attack?”

“Brr, Yeah”

Sonic chuckled as he saw his godson reaction, that was the scariest sight he saw from those two, he could handle them no problem, but he swore for a second they had Chaos Fear Aura.

Johnny put the sweater and pants his mother gave them, he wanted to wear just gloves and shoes like his godfather did but his others were adamant to that, they didn’t know why but eh…

After he got dressed, Little Johnny went to look at himself at the mirror to make sure he could look as good as possible in these clothes.

Sonic was watching Johnny until he spoke.

“You look really happy Mr. Sonic”

Sonic cocked his head slightly in confusion until he looked himself at the mirror.

He rubbed his blue clean fur, looked at his clean shoes and gloves and then to his green eyes, now clean and rested.

Ever since having his name cleared and saving Mobius from disaster 10 years ago, his life had improved since then, even better when he saved Kintobor and got rid of Robotnik for good. Having Super Sonic back inside himself was a bummer, and he was slightly shocked when Porker confirmed him that he and Super Sonic where one in the same...But at the same time, he was oddly happy he got a confirmation of what he was to him, a mystery solved and off his back.

But most important of all, he meet his godson. He was kinda shocked that Amy and Tekno trusted him with their child and insisted he was his godfather. Given what kind of person he was to his friends in the past, he was unsure but Amy told him that he was better than he was so many years ago, so he went through it.

This kid never failed to make him smile and make his day a little brighter, he always enjoyed hearing stories about him and wished to be like Sonic was, Amy would never let him become a Freedom Fighter though. He loved this kid with all heart.

And all this progress reflected in the mirror, he was smiling, he didn’t hate what he saw in the mirror for the first time in his life.

Happy, he did some finger guns to the mirror and walked away from it with his Godson.

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic the comic #sonic the comic online #STH #STC #STCO #Fanfic #Fanfiction #One Shot #Self Loathing #Blast Fanfiction #Just now posting this here #Somebody tell me how to add a read more cause mobile is a bitch #STCO Sonoc needs a hug #Lots of them

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casualnepotism · 4 years

Note

You post that list of questions like I could actually (a) pick just one of your characters OR (b) pick not just one question. It's so hard, friend! SO: 13, 27, 54, & 86 for Demaris Tarzi; 1, 3, & 4 for Gul; 8, 19, & 62 for Tacy; and (of course) 100 for Roy Strong. (no pressure to do all these, I just wanted to make sure you were substantially entertained and your kids appreciated if no one else sent in any asks

you absolute buffoon of a legend, of COURSE i’m going to do all of them also GOD i love you so much thank you for wanting to hear about my disaster babies. So. Eldest to youngest. Also, I have to stress that this is gonna be SO long because you know how i talk about my babies. anyway:

Damaris

13. uhhhhh no? She wants more than anything to settle down with her family and open a healing practice but she’s not much in the mood for a partner. though someone did catch her eye just before we stopped playing (end my life thanks) sooooooo 😏😏

27. oh lmao my sweet baby’s biggest fear is that everyone she loves is going to die and that it’s going to be her fault sike it’s already come true 🤙🤙

54. well. so she’s already keeping a lot of secrets from the party so i’m going to go ahead and assume that she’s cool with keeping secrets from the party so long as they’re not actively harming the party.

86. overall, damaris considers herself a disappointment and a failure. i think, if we’d had more time to play, that that would change, but at the time she’s just disappointed in herself 😓

now it’s time for a CHERRIER girl: Gull

1. If Gull weren’t an adventurer she’d be a chef. Not a good chef, that’s very important. She scrounges food out of the trash and tops it with grated iron and then just c o n s u m e s it. I love it. I love her.

3. this feels like a good place to post the character notes i wrote for gull. a-hem:

4. so it was never really established in-game but i always imagined that her tribe has very strained interpersonal relationships. they’re all at all times trying to figure out what the forbidden food is so they don’t really spend time with each other unless they’re partying. i don’t know that she really knows her family that well.

so that ended on a bummer note but sike lets get ready for someone who’s definitely never bummed: Tacy!

8. other than her apartment where she lives, the only place we’ve gone that she felt immediately at home was the Roadrunner’s hideout. they’re a biker gang who did, in fact, try to fight us, but they’re led by this guy called Micah who’s. i mean he’s a gang leader, he’s not a great guy, but he’s got such good charisma that he immediately made tacy feel comfortable and valued. so.

19. oh! she really wants to get out of the city! the first time she ever met micah he had just gotten back from a road trip out to his hometown out in the country and now she wants to go there SO. BAD.

62. well she invented eyedrops in our first ever session so i’m gonna say that probably that’s her greatest achievement. other than that, i think that it’ll end up being raising her three baby siblings.

okay so Tacy’s weren’t a bummer, and i haven’t read question 100 so i’m really just so excited about why it’s prime for Roy “Our Boy” Strong. Let’s find out!!

100. god bless, carie. i can’t stress enough to y’all that Roy Strong was invented by me because y’all were afraid of death. He’s not real. That being said, I think he’s a big conspiracy theorist and he’s probably (in this universe) working on some theories about how the gods never left they’re just all in hiding and that soon they’re going to wage war on the world and we’re going to have to fight them.

OKAY this was SO MUCH so i hope you liked them! If you’re not carie and you were annoyed by how long this was, fuck off; if you’re not carie and you actually read all this, hugs!! you’re an angel. But mostly, carie, you’re my favorite human for this thing you’ve facilitated here today 🥰🥰🥰

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kariachi · 5 years

Text

Okay, episode Heat of the Moment isn’t gonna happen because the audio was just, so bad y’all. So bad. I couldn’t make out words. Instead I’m skipping forward to Vin Diagram, since fuck it I’m already skipping shit for the sake of seeing Kevin when I can so why not.

As I stated last night, I’m gonna be watching the ‘season 4′ Kevin episodes before finishing season 3 for various reasons, one of which is I fucking want to.

Onward! Give me my boy!

Hi Gwen. Nice dramatic suit-up intro.

Max... Max no.

Ben watches races for crashes (boy what is wrong with you). This race, meanwhile, is a charity event for a sanctuary for endangered animals. How nice.

Ben sees no point if there aren’t explosions. Boy go play Mario Kart or something.

Hi Kevin. What are you skulking about for?

Ben also is curious/concerned

So we at least know this episode definitely takes place directly after Heat of the Moment. Great. That makes my job much easier, I can throw them both up, kinda. Look I’ll figure it out.

Ben: Clearly he’s up to something, I must stop him! Gwen: ....o-kaaaay?

Also yes Ben, that is very suspicious the child going Quad Smack to carry tires. Slow deep breathes.

“Dweeby Dweebyson” You boys are as bad as each other, I swear to fuck.

I feel like this exchange would be more amusing had I seen the episode before this, but it’s amusing enough on it’s own that I’ll allow it.

Also Kevin calling Ben ‘a paranoid baby’ and Ben raring for a fight because like hell Kevin’s not up to something.

These children, everybody. Even Gwen’s just, ‘this is our normal now, one of them sees the other and suddenly tires are flying’

You did start it Ben, Kevin just ended it.

Also hi Vin.

And Vin just picks them up off the ground, treating it like they were just playing which... right now, no, but I do have an image of them five years from now where this is just, how their friendship is.

Kevin is just having a good day so far. Ben, not so much.

Ben, shocked Vin knows Kevin.

...Vin and Kevin met when Vin caught Kevin trying to steal his car, became friends when Kevin straight up admitted it and Vin decided he could respect an honest answer.

Ben is put out. Very pout. Much Tennyson.

Vin “This child has so much raw talent, I must teach him, guide him into a future as an amazing engineer and mechanic” Ethanol.

Kevin is smug. Probably at least 50% because someone thinks he has talent and wants to nurture that talent.

Kevin and Vin fistbump, Ben dies inside out of pure jealous horror.

Ben, insisting that Kevin is so awful that he can turn a grown man back to a life of crime, and that clearly if Vin wants to be a good guy he should be mentoring him. Because he’s totally all about practicality and Vin’s good name here, not at all about being jealous that Kevin found a really cool mentor. Definitely not. Never.

Oh gods I just realized the Cadobit is a mascot now! And apparently an endangered species? Dudes there’s only one, and they’re not a natural species, it don’t count. Jurassic Park 2 all over again.

Max- certain Vin isn’t a good rolemodel because criminal. Gwen- “maybe we should give them a chance, they might be good influences on each other”. Ben- already running off to put a stop to this blasphemy.

“Look Kev, you get yourself a solid American muscle car and everything you do looks cooler.” I think he knows that, given he tried to steal yours.

Also Kevin is so small he can’t lean the engine bay and have his feet anywhere near the ground. My son.

Hi Ben.

Kevin about to beat Ben’s ass for interrupting his mentor time. If that look doesn’t scream ‘if you don’t have a place to be I can tell you where to go-’

Kevin ‘You have a whole family, let me have this’ Levin

Vin, trying to bring a base level of manners to the children’s interactions. It’s not likely to work, Vin, I’ve met them, they’re just like this. Kevin takes more work than that. Also he seems confused at your comment. There could be a million reasons for that.

Ben trying to pull the ‘Kevin doesn’t have a car and so is not involved’ card. Which is rude, I think.

And lo, Bootleg returns.

Possesses Vin’s car and Vin is impressed.

“I have an alien like that too! Or I used to.” “Bummer. If I were you I’d have kept it.”

Vin telling Ben to have fun in the race, together the three of them are gonna help save a lot of endangered animals, and Ben is most certain that is not the point of tonight anymore. From now on the point of tonight is to prove to Kevin’s only decent adult figure that he should drop Kevin for him.

Kevin doing a donut before heading to the starting line. Nobody who has seen this boy in any other series is shocked. He’d probably do a donut with a jet if given the opportunity.

And Ben kicks Gwen out of Glitch so he can race instead. Note he does this at the starting line. Max come control this child.

Mary Jo! It’s Mary Jo! This episode is officially better just for her being here! No lines but damnit she exists and she’s here, the queer icon of the franchise!

Ben is so very behind because Glitch just is not about that aggressive driving life.

Going Heatblast, Ben please. This is a charity event for fuck’s sake.

Vin being all mentory.

Ben, trying to impress. Just let Kevin have this, Ben.

Vin, calling Ben out on forgetting this is for charity.

Kevin, meanwhile, is just done with Ben existing in the same space as his mentor figure. How dare. Go away.

Congratulations Vin, you are now seeing the messed up child you are dealing with. He’s workable he’s just, got issues that need dealing with and no real way to manage them healthily I think. A good parental figure and a therapist would do this boy wonders. It’s just, nobody ever seems ready to give him either.

Damn, Kevin, fucking chill. He has a decent mentor now and he is not taking threats to that well.

Vin is not pleased.

Well Ben, you’re getting your explosions. Happy now? Also I like how Kevin is apparently throwing the race in favor of fucking up Ben for daring to try to steal Vin. My poor son.

Gwen, forcibly removing Ben’s head from his ass.

Kev vs Vin for the sake of ‘just how much damage is Kev allowed to do’. None. The answer is none.

Gwen calling for a pitstop so she can chew Ben out for fucking everything up for everybody in person.

There was almost an emotional moment there- not a breakthrough but a moment (realized he fucked up the race? check. realizing he ruined Gwen’s chance to participate in the race like she wanted? check. admittance that he did all this purely out of jealousy and that Kevin was doing literally nothing wrong for once in his life until Ben made it his business to provoke him? not even close)- and then Kevin and Vin literally fucking spun passed and suddenly it’s all Rath and back to the fray.

Gwen, grabbing Glitch and joining the fray in hopes of talking some sense into the complete mess that is these people

This entire night is a disaster.

And Kev vs Vin is still ongoing. Kevin’s issues with authority have returned for yet another round. Today on ‘Did somebody really just try to control Kevin? Fuck.’

Why is this episode taking me two hours? Because every time I unpause things get worse.

“Listen kid, when you time out, we are gonna have a long talk about good sportsmanship!” Oh Vin. I was concerned but this gives me hope. I doubt Kevin will stick around for it because, well, Kevin and Issues, but it’s the thought that counts.

Poor Vin’s car

“I don’t even car about the stupid race anymore, this is personal!” While becoming Bashmouth. Oh Kevin. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that the two times you’ve treated things as being personal were when Ben made that comment on your not having anyone to run back to and now, when Ben was actively trying to steal a positive adult figure from you.

Max swears he’s a better role model than Vin. I don’t think anyone really agrees Max.

Vin’s even being encouraging towards Gwen, he really needs to stop. He’s not winning me, I refuse.

Vin carries hunks of meat around. Has he experienced Bashmouth before? Or is he just like this?

He’s just like this.

Luring the boys with a steak.

Welp, Kevin has been distracted by an antenna ornament. Oh child. My son.

“Ben you have to save Kevin, he could get hurt!” “Good!” Benjamin Kirby Tennyson!

Kevin, not happy that Ben is being complimented. Ben? Pleased as punch.

The race is over and Vin is getting tired of fighting children.

Kevin trying to pull the ‘I don’t care anyway’ card with regards to fighting over Vin with Ben. Really these children are just... children.

These boys

Wide-eyed Kevin, a rare sight.

Vin called them 7-yos and the affront on these children’s faces. Also Ben’s talk about molding Vin in the ideal role model, like Kevin did none of that Ben, you are on your own.

Kevin storms off and Vin actively lets him now he can still come to him for help.

Money laundering, Vin, really.

At least the man’s honest about it, and just going along with being arrested.

10/11

#ben 10 2.os

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a-x-ce · 7 years

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My Anime Expo Experience

Finally writing this up before I forget because my memory is CRAP.

First con woot woot! This is mega long, probably don’t read it unless you absolutely MUST know about how this went.

The Good

Before I even got to the con I researched and planned and bookmarked and researched some more and came to the conclusion that for me, the highlight of a con, is to do things you can only do at that year. I looked over the panels, the premieres, and decided THAT was what I wanted to prioritize. They did not disappoint. I went to two premieres, the Welcome to the Ballroom premiere and The Ancient Magus' Bride premiere, for the first one we got to watch the first two episodes, and for the latter we saw the first THREE episodes. And they blew me away, especially Magus which by episode 3 already had me crying, I could not be more stoked for that to start airing. I then went to two panels which I HAD to go to, one being the FLCL panel, where we got to see the season 2 and (kind of) season 3 trailer a whole 5 minutes before they dropped that shit everywhere else (kind of lame) but what we got added on was “some” information in regards to the series, which made up for us not really getting to see the trailers before everyone else. And then I went to the Studio TRIGGER panel which was awesome! It started with them shooting fake money at us and if you got a special stamped version it got you access to their signing (didn’t get one but kind of didn’t care) and then followed into them playing a hilarious short video which was this bizarre mix of all kinds of shit and ended on them singing the national anthem?! It was funny as all hell. They pretty much spent the majority talking about Little Witch Academia which, I’ll admit, I kind of put on hold after like episode 5...BUT they spent that time giving us all kinds of back story and information on the various characters which was fascinating. Finally though, the main focus was them releasing information on their upcoming projects (which was why most of us were there) and the first two were kinda okay, nothing too much to get us excited, but boy, the hype they built around the last project got the room in a frenzy of excitement! Promare has the potential to be another classic anime for this studio, working with the people who helped bring Kill la Kill to life, as well as Gurren Lagann! You bet your asses I was stoked for this! 100% worth it. I also got free shit at all of these premieres, posters mainly, but I also got a cool Anime Strike pin when going to see Welcome to the Ballroom.

Another thing I ended up loving was actually doing shit in the exhibit hall. When I was sitting my butt in line for an autograph ticket to meet Miyu Irino I got to talking with my fellow line sitters, and one person I talked to gave me all kinds of tips and tricks to getting even more free stuff! She told me about 2 scavenger hunts going on for two of the booths, one got me a free Sailor Moon scarf, and one got me a free CD and a poster for a new game! They were a pain in the ass to get, but that’ll be talked about more in The Bad.

After having figured out you can just ask cosplayers for a picture I manged to get the coolest picture of a Guts and Casca pair and it’s the highlight of every image I took at the con. I wish I had taken more because there were a lot of cosplayers I wanted pictures of. I missed out on a Euphie and Suzaku and I’m still sad about it :’(

The last thing I’ll say I loved was the actual experience of trying to get Miyu Irino’s autograph. Not the actual getting his autograph, but sitting in line with other fans and con goers in the line to get tickets...to get an autograph...in which I met and talked with quite a few really cool and nice people!

The Bad

The sheer size of this event is ridiculous. It’s so ridiculous in fact they split events between the Convention Center and the Marriott hotel behind the Staples Center. And whoever ran this event was a dumbass and decided that the doors open at 8 am, but none of the major halls open until 10, soooooo, you had a 2 hour gap where hundreds to thousands of people flooded the main floor creating the most hazardous sight I’ve ever seen. Seriously, this was a fire martial’s worst nightmare if you saw this mess. Luckily I only saw this disaster on day 4 ‘cause I had spent the whole damn night on the street. Otherwise I came later on day’s 2 and 3 because to me coming early was meaningless.

And I did that because getting into the center on day 1 was absolute bullshit. I came a day early to pick up my badge thinking it would cut out waiting in line even longer. No, it didn’t matter. The mass of people outside waiting to get in, and the chaos of even trying to FIND the line TO GET IN, took hours! It was such a goddamn mess that they released a statement that same day saying they WOULD fix the issue. Luckily they did and getting in on day 2 and 3 literally took minutes. What a joke.

Staff for the most part was utterly clueless when it came to finding anything and I fucking hated it. When trying to find the line for Miyu’s panel I got run around the whole damn building, which in the end paled in fucking comparison to the run around I got put on trying to find the autograph booths which were different from the general ticket booths which in the end had ANYONE known fucking anything was a whole lot easier to find if they explained it better...

Lines for larger events were a NIGHTMARE. The Marriott is NOT designed for the sheer number of people lining up for the events held there. I thought it was bad for Magus, oh no, oh no no no, even the Lupin the III game premiere line was not remotely as horrible as what I caught just a glimpse of for the Tokyo Ghoul live-action premiere. That was capped off practically THREE hours before it even played, that’s how crazy popular this event was. I missed it because of that and ended up kind of disappointed.

Crowding. Holy fuck was this bad. Not even splitting the con between two buildings reduces the sheer number of people in EVERY given space. The artist Alley, crowded, the Exhibit Hall, FUCKING MEGA CROWDED! Moving in the Exhibit Hall was the worst. Add on terrible cell service, add on the fact that the ATM’s were few and far between (and sometimes not fucking working), add on the fact that some sellers use onsite conversion so if your card doesn’t automatically accept you making a purchase in like, Canada, you’re gonna have a bad time...the crowding even makes the fun things not all that fun.

The Disappointing

Cosplay gatherings. Oh boy were these underwhelming. I think the only one I ended up kind of enjoying was the Osomatsu-san gathering I went to on day 1, but aside from that the bigger they got the more chaotic they got, the ruder people become, and just overall super frustrating. What was even more kind of a bummer was that for most of the gatherings I saw the cosplayers walking around the convention at various points and could have MUCH EASIER asked them for a picture rather than deal with the crowding of gatherings. Not to mention when smaller gatherings were made up of people who had gone before and knew each other, as a newcomer you definitely feel left out. It gave off that click vibe and that was really disheartening. Some of these gatherings were definitely not “newbie” friendly which made them even less interesting and makes me not want to go to them again.

Miyu Irino. I have gone back and forth on this one, but after this much time I realize between his panel and the actual autograph this was one of the more disappointing experiences I had. First off, his panel. It lasted one hour, if it was not already bad enough that they split the line where premiere fans got to be inside the building, the rest of us had to figure out where the fuck the OUTSIDE line was. This was a pain in the ass, really, I was run around the whole fucking building to find this line, and by the time I did I was fortunate the line wasn’t too long, but I knew the reason for that was ONLY because no one else could find this fucking line.

So after getting let in late, we sit and we’re told right away we can’t take pictures or video. And originally I thought that was fine, maybe we’d hear some new content they didn’t want getting out. No. No we spent an hour talking about old roles and getting information that I’m sure we could have gotten through any magazine or interview in probably ANY Japanese source. We learned literally nothing about any new work, there was honesty no reason why we shouldn’t have been able to take at least 1 or 2 pictures. It was also incredibly frustrating seeing someone in the row next to us break that rule anyway and got warned THREE times and STILL got to stay and see the panel. Like why make a rule of no pictures to the point where you threaten to remove anyone breaking that rule only to not enforce it? Pointless.

But anyway, so we spend our hour listening to him talk about various roles, pretty much skipping the one series I was even there for (Osomatsu-san, he voices Todomatsu) and essentially we run out of time for the Q&A where only 3 questions were asked. And no one could even bother to answer one of Miyu’s questions on why Americans like Osomatsu-san, since the ONE person he did try and ask didn’t even watch the show! It was so disappointing.

So I was not all that disappointed at the time but reflecting on it, it was kind of a bust. But I did not realize just how much worse it could get. Because Miyu was one of the most popular guests for AX this year a LOT of people wanted to see him. So many in fact that while I heard lines could start for autographs anywhere from 2 am to 4 am, people got in these lines starting on day 2 (for his session on day 3) at 8 fucking pm. And it was the exact same way on day 3 (for his session on day 4) in which as soon as I go turned away from the Tokyo Ghoul premiere I had really nothing else I wanted to do so since I saw someone on twitter already experience night 2 I went ahead and got in line at like, fucking 7 pm! I was 5th in line...

So I stayed awake for over 30+ hours to get a ticket, which I wasn’t even all that crazy about, I’m not a fangirl so this wasn’t some life changing thing for me, I just wanted the experience. I enjoyed the hell out of the actual staying awake and getting to know people though. So at 8 am they opened the booths, and everyone with a handicap got to go before anyone so while I was 5th in line I got the 12th ticket (kind of bullshit but whatever, given how the rest of us literally had to sleep on the sidewalk seeing people just walk up last minute and get tickets was frustrating). But once we had those tickets it was another 2 and a half hours until the signing, which was in the Artist Alley hall, which didn’t even open until freakin’ 10 anyway. So again there was nothing to do but wait.

So finally 10 roles around and we can get inside, I have my ticket and I go to find the line for Miyu, and as I get in line and waiting we’re eventually told that he will not be signing anything that isn’t related to his anime work.

Now, this is where I’ll deviate to tell you why this pissed me right the fuck off. Because I live in NV I had to leave unbelievably early to get to L.A. within a reasonable time to check into my hotel. There really wan’t much time earlier in my week to make a run to wal-mart or somewhere to get my pre-chosen images printed for his autograph. So, we had to run around parts of L.A. which is a shit hole for traffic because Californians CANNOT DRIVE (seriously, that’s not a joke, California drivers are THE biggest morons on the West coast) and getting anywhere was a headache. Then the actual process of getting these pictures printed was also a nightmare, because the printing station cropped the images so badly they ended up looking like shit, until finally, after about 40 minutes I got ONE (1) good image of him. It was a picture of HIM.

And he was only signing material that was anime related...yeah. So, now that the picture I had a nightmare printing was not an option, the only other one available to most was that they gave you a pre-signed poster from Akito the Exiled. Which was shitty, it was pre-signed so you wouldn’t even be able to get it autographed and talk to him even a bit! Why the fuck would anyone be happy about that when people stayed awake for HOURS specifically to get an autograph FROM HIM???? Luckily for me I invested time and money into making my Kara and Totty ita bag and had at least ONE official Todomatsu item which I ripped right out of my bag. I was ushered through the line by multiple people and spent a total of maybe 15 seconds in his presence. I said hello, he said hello, he signed my badge, I said thank you, he said thank you, and the experience was over. That was it.

And as I was leaving the line I was then asked by others in the line what the hell was happening because other people were also being screwed over by not knowing what he would or would not sign (this was literally something they needed to tell us BEFORE actually getting in line for the autograph for fucks sake). I spent some time answering them and leaving. Where I proceeded to notice quite a few girls crying as they were the ones who were denied an autograph being ‘standby’ ticket holders. Miyu did NOT take ANY standby ticket holders on either day. So for anyone who sat up all night and managed to get their hands on one of the extra tickets, it did not matter. Which really, was kind of shitty seeing he really didn’t even do much while there. He had 2 panels, and two autograph sessions, one on each day. One of his panels wasn’t even a focus on him, he was included in the Akito the Exiled panel since he was a VA on it, but he was with others who worked on the show. And since our hour and a half Miyu exclusive panel was cut short to being only an hour since it started late!!! he spent even less time doing things he was signed up to do.

I decided that as a result unless it’s Tanaka-san or anyone else from One Piece I am never sitting in line for an autograph again.

Lastly, I learned that while it’s fun to meet up with people to hang out and try and do things together, you cannot let them try and control your experience. I missed absolutely everything I wanted to do on day 1 because I allowed myself to be guided around by another person. Which initially I was grateful for, as a first-timer I had no clue where things were, but that’s where my day 1 was fucked. There were things and ways to go about this that I planned that didn’t work out, and as a result I missed things I wanted to do. And I told myself at the time it wasn’t a big deal, but since I ended up so goddamn exhausted on day 4 I left early and missed even more stuff I wanted to do...so essentially of my 4 days I only truly enjoyed 2 of them to the fullest. Because on days 2 and 3 I put my foot down and decided no matter what I would do the things I fucking came to do regardless of anyone else and I ended up having a blast. It wasn’t even lonely doing those things by myself, because I had fun! And that’s what mattered.

So yeah, in the end I learned some valuable lessons for my first con, especially at one as big as Anime Expo! I know what I want to do next year, I now know what I don’t really care about, and I know what I absolutely will not be doing again. I hope from these lessons next year I can have even more fun and thoroughly enjoy my 4 days! Also there’s probably some stuff I missed in this post so not sure if I’ll do another part, most likely not since this got hella fucking long...

#Sab's random shit #Hella long post #my AX experience 2017

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cassidy-malta · 7 years

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June 1: Goodbye & Goodnight

Our last trip was bittersweet. We took a weekend in Catania, Sicily and didn’t quite have the time to really do all that much, but we did get to explore ruins, shops, and see the military helicopters overhead as the NATO Summit was just forty minutes away. It did, however, feel good to start and end our semester together in Italy. Our first trip was to Rome, our last to Sicily. There was lots of reminiscing to be had!

(I can’t say that I particularly desired to see the local mythical magical elephant, but suddenly I was there and I can confirm that it is probably quite magical)

(me, completely underwhelmed by some breathtaking statues)

(my favorite place in Catania was this little nook with cute little bars and ample succulents! Me and my tropical crop-top felt right at home!)

(say no more, I’m hooked)

(poor Roman statue has had to carry his arm around in a basket for the last 1000 years. Bummer, dude)

(probably a saint or something. This place was even more catholic than the Vatican - if I can say that - as there were shops left and right selling rosaries and pastoral robes. I thought about getting my dad one but then I saw the price tag and decided that I’ll get a job instead)

(art and fun and plants- what more could a girl need? the answer is wine)

(a little Mary-nook)

“Eventually, however, I will have to pack up and go back to the United States. Today in particular I have been pondering what I will bring with me back. Tacky souvenirs, sure, but I will bring back much more valuable intangible souvenirs. I will go back to the United States knowing that through my service learning opportunities, my positive attitude, and participation in university lectures has made Malta a little bit of a better place. I will have gained many new friends both in my Luther peers, my University of Malta peers, and the people I met in every corner of this island. I will be braver, able to conquer new and bigger challenges that I thought possible just a month ago. Hopefully I will be a little smarter and picked up a culinary gift beyond putting a potato in the microwave.

Armed with a newfound confidence and a serious case of the travel bug, the midwest is going to receive a different girl than it sent out into the world. I hope that I never lose the slack jawed-knotted stomach-pounding heart excitement and intrigue I felt on that very first day. I know that I will spend the rest of my life finding those moments and allowing them to chisel and chip away at me; however, despite being chipped away at, I will return bigger, stronger, and with more than I left with.”

-Cassidy Woods, February 2017, Initial Malta Reflection

(look at this scared little college kid trying not to cry as she embarks on the adventure of a lifetime)

Written a mere 114 days ago as a pre-trip reflection, I look back on these two paragraphs and have to stop an absurd little giggle from rising in me. How naive I was! I could pick these two short paragraphs apart sentence by sentence and comment on each aspect, but instead I can sum up all my thoughts in retrospect with the simple sentence: I severely underestimated Malta. The midwest is certainly getting a new woman when my plane lands at four in the afternoon on Saturday. I am a little smarter, a little braver, a little bit more confident, but a helluva lot stronger than I left.

I thought that life at the University of Malta would be parallel to my life at Luther College but I could not have been more wrong. This is the aspect of the culture that was the toughest to navigate. The two hour lectures failed to get my attention and the all-or-nothing final exam is quite possibly the worst thing to ever happen to me. The classmates that I thought would be my new best friends turned out to leave us sitting in the back of the classroom, speak exclusively Maltese, and whisper nearly every time we opened our mouths to contribute. It has given me an insane newfound respect for the international students in America. I was always kind to them, but I had always felt like it was an exclusive group I could not be a part of. Now, however, I know that when you’re international, it is damn near impossible to integrate into the local community of students who have infinitely more in common and many years more than I will ever have with them. I’m really hoping I can bring this new experience back to the states and become a more passionate person.

I also thought that I would walk out of this experience having had the best time of my life with 13 new friends. Unfortunately, that is not totally the case. Consider this my “tell-all” blog post. Imagine showing up in a very bizarre foreign land with 13 other people with different upbringings, ideas, opinions, priorities, and motivations for being there. None of us had ever lived in an apartment before and very few of us even knew each other before departing. Mix in a couple miscommunications and a sprinkle of gossip and you’ve got a big recipe for disaster. There were days that the group dynamic would cause me to call my mom and dad and literally BEG to come home. A few trips I strategically planned to “get away” from it all. Sometimes, I would make dinner and retreat to my bed for the rest of the night to avoid the others. However, I am not blameless. I admit that I engaged in the pettiness, the back talking, and poor communication. I judged before I knew, and I could be unyielding in my opinion. This has been a semester of growing up. I’ve learned how to take responsibilities for my actions, how to apologize, and also what I will and will not/can and can not tolerate from other people.

(here’s the entire group the first night we arrived! Each one of these people are special and amazing human beings and we all accomplished something spectacular together, even though we don’t all get along)

It’s not all bad though- don’t despair! I’m just trying to be realistic and make sure you all know that this semester hasn’t been all flowers and rainbows. While I’m not leaving with every one of my classmates as a friend, I am leaving with a few new life-long friends. Maddie, in particular, has been my rock and my partner in crime. She’s always been down for whatever adventure I have planned or a late night snuggle, wine, RuPaul’s Drag Race, and whine night. From roommates who unwillingly ended up living together to best friends, she’s been my most constant support. Maddie isn’t the only friend I’ve made- even in these last few weeks I’ve made some new friends- both my classmates and locals.

(this goofy girl is one in a million)

The midwest is getting back a lot more than it bargained for when it kissed my forehead and sent me out into the world. I can now plan a trip, manage my money, grocery shop, do basic home repairs, and live incredibly independently - things I never really needed to do before. I can be 100% on my own in massive metropolitan areas (London) and non-english nations (Switzerland). I’ve learned loads about my own mental health and surprised myself by my bravery and fortitude. My culinary skills have developed- dare I say, they blossomed- and now I can cook a potato in the microwave AND season it. I’ve chipped at a bucket list and crossed things off I never even fathomed adding, secured a new identity as a WORLD TRAVELER (omg), and I have been forever changed.

Recently I had a deep chat with my dad (Mike Woods? Deep chat? SHOCKING!) where we mulled over the Apostle Paul (light conversation in the Pastor’s family). According to the book of Acts, in 60 AD, Paul shipwrecked on the little island of Malta on his way to Rome for trial. There is no archeological evidence that Paul was ever here. That being said, I think there is something beautiful and admirable about these island people taking an unconfirmed myth and running with it- integrating it into their entire cultural identity.

(the biggest feast/holiday of the year in Malta is the Feast of Saint Paul’s Shipwreck- we stumbled upon it our first time in Valletta back in February)

In Acts, Paul writes: “After we were brought safely through, we then learned that the island was called Malta. The native people showed us unusual kindness, for they kindled a fire and welcomed us all, because it had begun to rain and was cold.” (Acts 28: 1-2, ESV)

Paul was shocked by the natives “unusual kindness”- something I have experienced. They trusted him and took him and the other shipwreck survivors under their wings- a remarkable display of compassion and love from a nation that is repeatedly colonised and taken over for strategic gain. Essentially Paul was a refugee and they took him in without fear of attack - something that we can all learn from. I'm a resident, not a tourist or a local. A weird liminitive state between belonging and not. I get to witness and experience both sides of the relationship. The Maltese welcome and display excellent hospitality to the tourist. The tourists, in turn, are eager and excited to learn more about Malta.

I've been taken in and experienced the same hospitality that Paul experienced. In return, I've tried to honour their culture and respect this crazy little island- living my time here to the fullest. Forever an optimist, Paul vouches that we should engage in, “filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized” (Philippians 4:8-9 MSG). As I look back on this trip, I am going to focus on the moments that were true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious. The best and not the worst. The beautiful and not the ugly.

(saying goodbye to “Triq Depiro” - the road we’ve called home)

(and saying goodbye to the flat with the red door... heartbreaking stuff, here)

So that’s it. I’m wrapping up this adventure and this blog. I’ve spent the last week in a frantic head spin of unpacking from Sicily, and beginning the process of packing my bags to go home. I’ve taken two finals, written two final research essays, and a handful of reflections. I also know that I am going to be fighting jet lag and stress as I leave Malta on Saturday morning at 6:30AM and arrive in Minneapolis at 4:00PM (I’ve given up on trying to understand how this works). This summer I am interning at Sparkhouse Publishing in Minneapolis, living with my generous Aunt and Uncle in Shoreview- which I move into Sunday afternoon and have my first day of work on Monday. I can’t believe that Sunday morning I’ll be waking up in my own bed, to my puppy’s frantic wiggles, to go to church with my mom to hear my dad preach and see my congregation again (shameless plug to encourage EVERYONE to come see me at Prince of Peace on Sunday morning in La Crescent, MN during service!). I want to send a special thank-you out to the massive list of people who have been following this blog, my special email subscribers, my parents, professors, friends back home, and Luther family. See you all SO SOON.

Onto the next adventure!

(from beginning...)

(to end.)

#Malta #Semester Abroad #Study Abroad #Cassidy #Bullet Journal #Catania #Sicily #Sliema

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