#both of them lose their families. have to put the world back togther. have to do it all with a smile on their face. god

[z0mbyez]

thinking about. the orion hawke eliel lavellan parallels. but also how theyre both so incredibly different. orion who was the eldest, had to lead and be a good example for his siblings, regardless of his own fears and anxieties. meeting eliel, who was the youngest, had to be led and protected, and shies away from power while orion fills the gaps with bluster and jokes.

I think a lot about them meeting and orion all at once seeing bits of himself from when he first got to kirkwall. He sees all his own fears plain as day when after meeting eliel just. "does it ever get easier?" and he just has to reply "no. it doesn't." because its been 10 years and still he thinks about how he could have done things better and how he should have looked out for carver more and how he should have told his mom he loved her and-

#this is mostly word vomit but i just. god. #its no wonder varric likes eliel hes like if hawke was more open with his emotions and less covered in a layer of constant bullshittery #both of them lose their families. have to put the world back togther. have to do it all with a smile on their face. god #i go back and forth on a lot of things with orion. like his relationship with anders and his reactions to act 3 and if he can ever even- #commit to that relationship when he watched vengeance kill ella. but the one thing im stable on is that he and eliel are SO similar #similar but just. different in a few key ways. like looking in a younger mirror if you were born in a different place #anyway #eliel lavellan #orion hawke #dragon age #anyway haha if you made it this far ask me about them please heart emoji

[ussjellyfish]

my insomnia laced dragon queen season s7 au

mostly becuase it won’t leave my brain alone....

Dragon Queen snuck into s7, which a touch of Glass Believer. (it’s not a real fic because my brain doesn’t really have time for that, but if I did...)

(should probably dedicate this to the person posting in the tags about how they didn’t ship dragon queen, nothing makes me ship it harder, apparently. )

Henry, Ella, Regina and the resistance run into Lily in the EF2. Lily’s also been wandering the realms, trying to find herself. She gets lost easily, no real concept of time either, being that she’s a dragon on this side.

Henry recognizes her before she recognizes him. He’s supposed to be a kid, he’s like twelve.

They laugh about that. She comes home with him from the tavern where he was getting supplies, listening to everything that’s happened to him since he left Storybrooke.

they meet Ella who’s initially a little skeptical of Henry returning to top secret camp with strangers, but no, this is his sister.

Half-sister. Sort of.

“Oh? I didn’t know you had a half-sister.”

Henry shrugs a little, scratches the back of his neck. “The other half is dragon.”

“Dragon?” And Ella thinks that’s actually pretty amazing (if she doesn’t think about it too much, there’s some weird logistics there, but a dragon is really helpful to the cause, because it’s air support, that’s awesome.)

Lily listens and is willing to help them but when they start talking about actual combat she pauses. “You kind of want Mom for that. I can look scary, definitely burn some stuff, lots of stuff, but anything precise is still kind of beyond me. I can do sound and fury but I’m not really good at the terrifying beast thing.”

Ella takes a moment to blink and switch “Mom” for “Dad” in her head, because no one really specified the pronouns before.

Regina returns from doing something outside of camp and Henry and Lily are talking about trying to summon Maleficent and Lily jokes that it’s not the other world. She can’t just call her.

Regina looks kind of sheepish and corrects Lily that actually, there’s a summoning spell for Maleficent that Regina knows because it was in her spellbook, that Regina basically memorized as a young woman, because she’s a giant nerd and she was fangirling, and she might have had a chance to cast it someday.

Regina casts the spell, because two dragons in the resistance is pretty damn cool. Maleficent appears all drama and fury at first, old school terror, until she recognizes Regina and drops the green flames.

“I didn’t know you knew that spell.”

“I knew all of them, never thought I’d need to cast it.”

And Ella, who’s just sharp as hell, watches them kind of sort of flirting and nudges Henry who’s all.

“They broke up literally ages ago.”

“That’s not what broken up looks like, Henry.”

“They’re friends.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And they’re Lily’s parents.”

“You’re the author,  tell me, how did that story end for them?”

He doesn’t know. Regina’s never talked about it. They ask Lily and she’s also in the dark. She knows the gist of it, Regina wanted to cast the Dark Curse, Maleficent didn’t, they fought.

“Regina kept Mom in dragon form in a cave for like, forever.”

“Just the curse.”

Ella watches Regina and Mal talking across camp and there’s no animosity, none at all, they’re catching up like old friends. Really old friends who walk around holding hands.

Henry and Lily are both all “there’s nothing, really.”

Ella gives them an “uh-huh, sure” sort of look.

In Hyperion Heights, Roni needs money to fight Victoria. Some kind pf outrageous permit or something, and she doesn’t know how she’ll get it and Herny mentions something about fairy godmothers, and she laughts.

“That’s it.”

And she ‘summons’ Mal with a tattered old business card that still has her contact info, and as much as Roni is not Madame Mayor Regina, Maleficent in the cursed world is an airy sort of hippee with thick glasses and scarves and a save the rhinos t-shirt. She’s even vegan.

Henry doesn’t see how she can possibly be helpful fighting Victoria.

Regina explains that Mal is actually a brilliant financier, they met in college. Mal was day trading her way through an accounting degree.

“And?” Henry asks, because there’s some tension before Mal and Roni, kind of delicately flirty.

“And she has a cat named Lily.” Roni pours herself a drink and sighs. “We had a cat.”

“And?”

“And nothing, we went our separate ways, she went to Tanzania to save the elephants and the alligators and wildebeest, I ran this bar.”

Mal works on Roni’s books and the ordinances and can help Roni turn the bar more profitable but it’ll take a few years to make what Victoria wants.

Roni’s crushed but puts on a brave face and starts making them a ‘you tried’ drink and she sets it in front of Mal and is ready to give in and Mal takes the drink and grins.

“Of course, if you had an investor.”

“What?”

Mal takes out her checkbook and writes a check (on some “save the elephants” ridiculously cute check). “Here.”

“I cant.”

“Of you can, I can’t let you lose your lair.”

“It’s not a lair.”

“No, it’s a very nice bar and I’m glad you kept it all this time.”

Roni takes the check, drinks and pours them another set of shots. “How’s Lily?”

“Would you believe she’s still with me?”

“She must be the oldest little cat.”

“She’d remember you.”

“I doubt it.”

“I don’t.”

And they get far too close to each other, but don’t kiss. Henry catches them hugging goodbye and Roni explains the whole thing in a haze, puring herself another drink.

It’s plenty of money, enough to set Victoria back and keep fighting and--

Lily’s still alive. She’s like a twenty-year old cat, which is ridiculous. She’s just a cat.

“But you never had a cat on your own, did you.”

“Never wanted one.”

And they look at each other far too long and it just hurts us that they don’t know they’re related because they just ache for that family connection.

“Maybe you did want something, and you were just afraid.”

“It was a different time, Henry.”

“Of course, I get it.” He lifts his drink. “But you’re here again now.”

Later he’s talking to Ella and mentions that Roni might just have a crush on her ex.

“What kind of ex?”

“The kind you never really get over.”

“I knew there had to be something in her past, she’s too much of a romantic.”

Back in the EF2, Mal and Regina fall wistfully for each other again, but neither of them mentions anything. It’s just nice being togther, talking, having someone who understands everything. They gear up for a fight and it’s just like the old days.

Except they’re on the same side. With their children.

“Grandchildren even,” Mal teases Regina.

“She’s beautiful.”

“I know.”

The fight happens offscreen because we have no budget for cgi dragon battles, and its weirdly offscreen in Hyperion Heights too.

Victoria fumes and threatens Roni. Roni has the last laugh because she’s safe for the moment.

Mal asks her to host a fundraiser for whales or something and Roni teases her that she could just write the check.

Mal laughs, because she will, she donates everything she can get out of the evil capitalist stock market to all the right charities, even has several of her own, but sometimes it’s the idea that has to spread. People need to believe they can do good.

Roni smiles kind of wistfully at her, because that sounds so familiar but she can’t place it.

Back in the EF2, the fight’s over, Mal did the ridiculously dangerous thing they needed her to do, and she flies back as a dragon and shifts back, eyes shining, almost laughing, drunk on battle, but she’s injured and spent and sways a little and Regina catches her.

Mal insists she’s fine, just burnt more than she’s needed to for a very long time.

“You were wonderful.”

“As were you.”

And Ella elbows Henry REALLY hard because they’re leaning into each other, nearly kissing (and Regina’s so damn sort it’s adorable)

Switch back to Hyperion Heights and they’re walking, hands in their pockets, passing just under the Troll Bridge and it’s raining a little and they pause, waiting it out and they get a little close to each other, then closer and Roni jokes that Mal had to swoop in, save her like she’s some endangered cat in the jungle.

Mal teases that very talented bartenders are rare indeed, and need to be protected. They’re very close to each other. Mal invites her back to say hi to Lily.

“Lily doesn’t remember me.”

“I’ve never stopped thinking about you, so how could she?”

Roni hesistates, Mal starts to step back, letting her go, again, but Roni grabs her, kissing her in the chilly Seattle rain.

And we cut back to the EF2, where they’re sitting by the fire, Regina’s cleaning the last of an arrow wound in Mal’s side, healing it up.

“That’s not something you got from my spellbook.”

“No, no I guess it’s not.”

And they’re very close, right next to the fire, and Mal’s half-undressed, wrapped iin a blanket. “You’ve come so far since you broke down my door.”

“I guess I have, but you- you have Lily and you’re here, being pretty damn heroic.”

“Heroic stings a little.” Mal teases, and Regina kisses her hand.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For defending my family.”

“Of course, they’re important to you.”

“They’re everything.”

Mal’s eyes get soft, and she tears up a little. “You know, I never, ever regret you being Lily’s mother, because you love her so fiercely.”

“She’s my daughter.”

Mal touches Regina’s chin. “And I’m so grateful.”

And they’re close, very very close.

“Loving too much has always been my problem.”

And Mal kisses her, gently. “I don’t think it’s a problem at all.”

#dragon queen #ouat s7 #ouat #glass believer #as they'd be integral

[welcome-to-sanjis-shitty-kitchen]

Guys...holy hell.

I just realized, in the dream world Carbuncle tells Noct he can get back by going to his "safespace" And in episode Prompto Prom goes there twice. After he passes out from hypothermia and when he confronts his younger self. But, but here's the thing, how Prompto get's out and get's his determination. His heading up the stairs into the Citadel rather sitting at the bottom staircase like he did earlier. So his exit is the Citadel, and why would that be his safeplace, what kinda attachment does he have to a building? And then it hit me, it's not the building, it's because Noctis is there, that Ignis and Gladio is there. It was ovbious and we all know it and subconciously knew. But we never actually thought about it. How his safeplace is litterally Noct and co. They're all he got in this world and it's godamn beutiful. Or his safeplace is just litterally just Noct and Promptis has been canon all this time. I can't be the only one who feels that the amount of how much Prompto loves and depends and dedicates his life towrwards Noct goes far and beyond and best friend or family type of relationship. I feel like they legit could stay like platonicly togther forever to the end of time. I mean doesn't have too, but it feels like super right that they can just be together forever without any labels. Like they're not friends nor lovers....just something more. Also if a dude spent years losing weight just cause he wanted to look perfect in order to talk to u then his a catch. If i was Noct i would be head over godamn heels man, i wasn't gay before but i guess i am now! Man i both hate it and love it when they write relationships like this, cause its basicly up to your own interpretation. Its enough for them to be best friends but also something more. Because nothing tells u it cant be a thing. But nothing either tells u it is a thing. Ive always imagined Proms feelings for Noct somewhat romantic, because theres so much extra shit that is kinda weird and overwhelming for just "friends". And we dont think about it but Prom low self confidence and selfworth makes him a very extreme person. Someone could say his freckles are ugly, he would probably wear makeup to cover them up cause bybdoing so he doesnt cause this person discomfort or digust. His eager to please, to improve himself on his "faults" if u remember all it took for prom to loose weight was one comment from Noct how he was heavy. Also the fast decision on him trying to burn his barcode of his arm, his hella impulsive. The fact that he have such strong feelings to the point if he doesnt have Nocts approval he no longer wants to live is also very extreme. No matter what relationship they have Noctis is the one he loves most in the entire godamn world. And even if they started as friends, someone that means that much too you often becomes something more amd you dont even think about it. And judging by all of this it's very possible he did love Noct, but there was no reason for him too show it. First take this, Noct is the prince, Prom wouldn't do anything to put a spotlight on him or make him uncomfortable or cause him any trouble. Then the wedding with Luna, the mission to save Luna and save the world. His personal feelings wouldn't belong anywhere there. Cause he deemed his feelings not important because his world revolves around noct. No matter what happened, even if prom told him it was doomed from the start. It had no future, noct had no future as he was destined to die by the gods. It honestly makes sense why prom sounds so depressed, unsure and kinda snarky torwards noct later in the game. Cause this is his last change but its still not the time, and it never will be so its gonna be a secret he takes with him to the grave but his feelings for noct, he cherished those and it was enough for him. It could also be because he knows Noct is gonna die soon but what do i know. Im just here to speculate and overanalyze relationships between a prince and a poor boy. Also the fact that Prompto stays single those 10 years and litterally only hangs out with Cindy even though she probably told him no. But from how Talcott says it it seems like Cindy was kinda oblivious and Prom just hang around and never told her. Kinda like his pinning but shes too busy working she doesnt notice him, for 10 godamn years. What i always feel was weird in this game was how forced Proms interactions with girls was. Like no joke he has lowkey crushes on every girl he met. Cindy, aranea even iris jesus christ. If u go by his character its really contradicting that he would react like that to them. But its also just stays in his head because he doesnt actually wanna bother them irl. Like that photo tour where noct is the wingman and noct tells him to just ask vindy for a pic amd he tells him that would be creepy. It weird, but its a prompto thing to be satisfied imagining what could have been rather them act on something. Which what i feel with noct and why he would never even put that tought in the open for noct. Like with Cindy and all the girls it seems more like his impressed by what theyre capable off. Like cindy being a genius engineer and running the garage herself. Aranea being a godamn badass fighter, its like his so impressed what they can do and developes small crushes. But thats what they are, small insignificent crushes that would never lead anywhere. In a way they remind me of Clouds, zacks, aeriths and tifas relationship. In which cloud started with a crush on tifa, started to develop feelings for aerith but they never lead anywhere cause she wasnt there anymore. But then theres also the fact that cloud cant let go of aerith or zack, but i feel like aerith is more about guilt rather then love. And No matter what, zack always priorities in clouds mind. Cause back then zack was all he had, he had given up on going back to tifa or even see or talk to her. He failed his goal but zack got him hopefull again. Zack was his only ally and friend. Then shit happened and zack decides for him that theyre gonna stay totgether and be mercenaries forever. Zack takes care of him like no one else has ever done and that caring and love goes way deeper then crushes. Like no matter what happens its the same with prom. Noct will always be the number one love in his life. Oh god this is way to long, i did it again. I just wanted to talk about carbuncle man. And please, if u read this long pls come talk to me about what you think.

#promptis #ffxv #episode prompto

[superhero-daugthers11]

When I’m gone

Peggy and Steve lay togther in bed, Peggy rest her head onto his chest and Steve stroking her hair.

Her mind was filled with worry and sadness. Her father had passed away the past month and things have been chaotic and down right depressing. Her mother wasn’t handling it well at all. She felt lost without him and she had no motivation or will to do anything, she was just so focused on the heart break and pain. She wouldn’t go out with her friends anymore or even go to a movie or to the store.

Although, she was worried for her mother it also got her thinking about her future.

“Steve, if anything were to happen to me....” Peggy began nervously. “You would be okay right? You would move on and live your life without me, right?”

He sat up slowing and looked at Peggy with fear in his eyes. He took her hand.

“Peg are okay? What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“Steve I’m fine.” She assured him as she put a hand on his cheek. “Nothings wrong. It’s just something I think we should talk about. I mean with my father passing and misery and pain that my mother is going through, I figured maybe we should talk about what we would want if the other one died suddenly. I mean it’s not unrealistic and especially for me since I work at shield. My parents were togther for 63 years, that’s a majority of their life spent togther. I hope that we will last that long. You know? that we both live to see our kids get married and have families of their own. But I don’t know what the future holds. I just want you to know what I would want from you.”

“Peg, I-i cant...I won’t- I don’t wana talk about this.” He spoke nervously, as he laid down pulled the covers over him.

“Steve...look I know you better than anyone and I know how much you love me. You mean the world to me too. But when I die, I don’t want you to pause your life...to stop having adventures, making memories and having fun cause I’m gone. I don’t want you to be sad, not even for a moment. Just celebrate my life and the life we had and start a new chapter. It would be the end of my story but not the end to yours.”

“Peggy stop! I don’t want to talk about this!” He yelled. “It’s not gonna happen for a long time-just don’t worry I will be fine. Just-just go to sleep okay?”

“Steve we need to talk about it! Like it or not we’re gana die someday and one of us going to have to go first. Why can’t you talk about it?”

“Because losing you will be the worst pain of my life. It will feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest and stomped on. Oh but that was before all this, before we built a life together! it’s going to be even worse this time around. Peggy do you have any idea how much you mean to me? when I was gone, all I thought about was you. For ten years I couldn’t get you out of my head. I couldn’t...I wouldn’t be able- to move on, I couldn’t do it when I first lost you. your my everything....”

Peggy hugged her husband tightly.

“You have given me the perfect life, the life I always wanted.” Steve continued. “My life was empty until you came back into it.“

“You have more than just me now. You have your kids, your friends and all those students who look up to you. There gana need you still to be there for them and to be the optimist that you are. You need to hear it from me, and know that’s what I want from you. When I die find love with someone else. go on dates, flirt with a nice red head or two.” She said with a smile and a chuckle. “Or maybe even go out with one of Maria Stark’s single friends, that always try to hit on you.”

He gave a forced smile.

“Peg, I will try. But I don’t know-“

“Just try, that’s all I ask. Steve...listen to me. I love you so much! honestly I never met a man whom I felt so close to, so inspired by, whom made me feel so safe and happy. Your truly my knight in shinning armor and a blessing.”

He took her in his arms and held her close to him as he kissed her lips.

[xottzot]

2017-11(NOV)-29th---Wednesday--Im in a LOT of PAIN--and MAX is VERY GROWLING--and a recap of my hell because of no Fliss.

2017-11(NOV)-29th---Wednesday--Im in a LOT of PAIN--and MAX is VERY GROWLING--and a recap of my hell because of no Fliss.

I'm in a LOT of PAIN. Terrible pain. Fliss has abandoned me to fucking well die of this pain. And the physical pain. And all other pain.

Max has been VERY VERY growling and prone to attack. I've been as gentle and considerate of, (and for him), as I can but it's not me he wants...it's dear Fliss. The SAME Fliss, Felicity Ann Carthew, of Tamworth, New South Wales, Australia, who took off and abandoned us here to die in late 2015....THEN....Fliss said she and myself would and could be togther in Tamworth and live the life we were both always damn well denied to us beforehand in life.....and THEN she just suddenly went utterly quiet and silent and any and all communications from her ceased utterly. No matter what I did or who I tried, NOBODY would NOT do anything to get us back together. - Oh yes, they said so MANY things to me....'you'll be okay, you'll be back together soon'.......EVERYONE said that...doctors, professionals, Fliss's few friends and work people, all the people here in Western Australia said that........But then afterwards THEY could not at all work out why YOU dear Fliss suddenly stopped any and all contact, as if you had joined a mad cult or something andorr had lost your mind and been locked away forever from any contact with your past life....to 'keep you safe'.....

And I was told my somebody else in 2015 via vicious anonymous emails to fuck off from dear Fliss and to kill myself....NOT just once but several times. That was totally unprovoked. - FUCK THE WORLD.......

I don't know who that person was, they REFUSED to identify themselves, but I believe they are online 'friends' of dear Fliss who haven't got a fucking clue whatsoever except the lies they've spun up for themselves.

And poor dear Sam and Max (the big guard dogs of dear Flss and myself), they became extremely distressed, (AND STILL ARE AND WORSE), and their emotions and trust is utterly destroyed because Fliss abandoned us, in 2015 she came back for less than an hour, stole stuff (YES Fliss, you took stuff that I struggled to save up and pay for us BOTH), but you took that away with the aid of those anonymous women you had with you who were ravaging through our cupboards and taking any and everything they could lay their hands on. (I have lost things FOREVER).....

And strangely, they did NOT take the 2014/2015 Xmas presents that you dear Fliss had brought me with love and I dearly appreciated. Those Xmas presents of 2014/2015 are STILL unopened. I cannot bear to open them or to give them away, let alone use them. AND YOU FLISS, said you were coming back here to help us sort through everything of ours to give away to charity, prior to us moving to wherever YOU wanted and we could start a new life TOGETHER. (in Tamworth). - And then....you NEVER DID THAT. YOU NEVER DID THAT! YOU NEVER CAME BACK. YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD. YOU DECIDED THAT EVENT WOULD HAVE ONLY BEEN FOR A FEW DAYS AND THEN WE COULD GO AWAY AND START LIFE ANEW AND HAVE THE HAPPY LIFE WE WERE BOTH ALWAYS DENIED AS A COUPLE.

But SOMEBODY had ordered you to fuck off and leave me totally.....you know....THE VERY THINGS ALL YOUR 'FRIENDS' DID TO YOU AND BACKSTABBED YOU OVER SO MANY YEARS! - And you had a mental breakdown, on top of all your medical and mental ailments going on within you that you kept hidden from EVERYONE, including me.

And you tried to snatch away poor dear Sam & dear Max. You failed that. And then later you 'politely' (as a callous act to others of you being so 'responsible' to others), you handwritten 'asked' me to hand them over to you. (I still have that as proof) - I refused because I knew you were going through a hell of an ordeal with your family, your physical & mental conditions, (which you covered up DELIBERATELY...and still do so), your breakdwn,.....and you went to the east side of Australia....right across the country of Australia from me here...you were GIVEN a flat/house to live in which made you so proud that you were boasting about it to everyone......and you TOTALLY ABANDONED US HERE TO FUCKING WELL BE IN HELL AND DIE AND SUFFER EVERY DAY UNTIL I DIE.

Oh, and you even let slip to be known to others that dogs were NOT ALLOWED where you were living! - So if I HAD HAVE allowed YOU to spirit them away to places unknown, they would have been KILLED BY YOU, PUT DOWN, OR WORSE. They would even quite very likely have been totally removed from you....thus resulting not only poor dear Sam & dear Max LOSING YOU but also losing ME, losing both of us who they have KNOWN AND WHO HAVE KEPT THEM SAFE AND HOMED ALL THEIR LIVES. And them being consigned into a callous unloving HELL they could have had no hope of ever escaping from until they were DEAD. Or SEPERATED from each other, which would have been just as bad.

Poor Sam & Max are suffering incredibly. They are SO VERY UTTERLY TRAUMATISED BECAUSE OF YOU FLISS ABANDONING US. - THAT WAS THE START OF THE UTTER HELLL FOR THEM HERE. THEN IN ADDITION CAME THE RAMPANT UNTOUCHABLE CRIMINALS....WHICH ARE ABOUT TO RISE UP VERY SOON AGAIN......

BOTH DOGS CONSTANTLY HAVE NIGHTMARES. AND BOTH DOGS EVERY SINGLE DAY RACE OUTSIDE AND GO TO THE GATE TO GREET YOU.....BUT YOU ARE NEVER THERE. AND SO THEY'RE FUCKED UP BY YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN EVERYDAY AND ALL DURING EVERY DAY THEY HOPE YOU'LL BE THERE TO GREET THEM.....AND YOU NEVER ARE!

And YOU (and ANYONE reading this) wonders why poor Max has become vicious and is prone to unprovoked and vicous attacks, upon me, upon his brother dog Sam, upon anyone and anything, and THAT is why I can NEVER EVER take them out ANYWHERE EVER AGAIN IN THEIR LIVES. (they used to LOVE going out for walks and adventures with dear Fliss & I and meeting new people and everything. They were utterly gentle and kind and playful and everyone who met them loved them.)

But now.....since you abandoned us.....Sam & Max and I are in HELL existing with all the criminals about this hellhole. But YOU don't care Fliss!?

One of, if not your most dear closest friends Cath A. of Queensland has swallowed all your lies and delusions, and she refuses to talk or contact me. (I've tried several times.) - I dearly have wanted to communicate with her.

NOW......REVERSE everything around,..........how all this be meted out upon YOU Fliss, (a woman),....but do you KNOW WHAT ACTUALLY REALLY HAPPENS?..... suddenly EVERY BLOODY PERSON, ESPECIALLY WOMEN will jump up and down and shout how terrible YOU are being treated! - But nooooooo, because I am 'the gentle innocent man' in our relationship, I'm painted as somebody evil and shitty and to fucking well die as soon as possible. And YOU dear Fliss absolutely KNOWS that's NOT the truth AT ALL and has never been so! - But you allow it and say nothing in public to counter anything with anyone. You Fliss want your lies and delusions to be the only 'facts'.

You've got EVERYTHING YOU WANT....you have been ACCEPTED BACK INTO YOUR FAMILY & all your relations whereas before you were OSTRACISED BY THEM. And you have a ficticious story to lie to them with and to engender pity and sympathy and to forever get them to like you. - And yet....you're ALWAYS LYING....you KNOW you are.

No wonder your fathers mother (your much-loved grandmother) was so terribly shocked when I in-person quietly told her the truth about you and just SOME of all your troubles when you Fliss and I were a couple and had visited her many years ago together in Tamworth, New South Wales for a small social event. - But your grandmother VERY GREATLY MUCH APPRECIATED me telling her the truth. NOBODY else would and they never did. -- And now I have been destroyed for telling the truth !?!? --- I don't know if she's even still alive. - You Fliss, told me that your mother HATED her.

I have NO FAMILY and NOBODY. - But it seems you don't give a shit about me. You don't give a shit about anyone, not really, though you fake that you do. You've lied and cheated and lied so much that your addled, deranged, medically damaged brain & body is actively viciously telling itself that all the lies you've created just MUST be true.....and so you have consigned me to HELL whilst you live the life of a closeted, indulged, spoilt princess. (anything else of, I have no idea of because YOU NEVER TALK TO ME despite you PROMISING ME that if ever we were ever apart for any reason you would ALWAYS STAY IN CONTACT!)

BUT YOU'VE LIED ABOUT THAT FLISS.

And YOU Fliss has consigned poor dear Sam and dear Max to HELL....and ME.

And you wonder why I was so VERY reluctant and fearful of ever happening to ever bringing a child with you into this world, knowing that perhaps the very terror of YOU doing exactly what you have done would eventuate!?

And you cosseted OTHER peoples children....Caths's children, your families children, your relations children........

I love you dear Fliss and so want to be with YOU. - I am in HELL. - I hope you are happy. - When I am dead, you will legally inherit the things we used together, YOUR things, and the things we purchased together for us both, and the things that were my very own.....the scant few things I had because I have so VERY VERY LITTLE, and so very very little money or capital.

And you will inherit the love I still have for you dear Fliss, and you will live out your life and go to your grave knowing at every moment, especially since 2015, how badly you treated me....so utterly, and terribly bad by deserting me just after you PROMISED we would be together and have a new life together AWAY FROM THIS HELLHOLE.

And you wonder why I have DAMNED NIGHTMARES EVERY NIGHT and have done so since late 2015 when you abandoned us!?

You VERY much have the horrendous capacity to abandon your own children Fliss. Your own mother told you that. And you told me she said that. And you hated her for saying that. What else you kept secret.

I love you dear Fliss and so want to be with YOU.

P.S. Dear Cath......count your blessings that this never happens to you. No matter how kind and gentle you are, all that counts for NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when you get treated like me and Fliss. - I DON'T DESERVE THIS! - FLISS DOESN'T DESERVE THIS! - YOU CATH DON'T DESERVE THIS! - Tell her from me how much I love dear Fliss and want to be with her as a couple and that I never ever stopped loving Fliss when Fliss & I were together when everyone told me to just give up on her, abandon her, the same shit that probably has been told about YOU Cath at some point too though I dearly hope not. You Cath don't deserve that hell. I don't deserve that hell. Fliss doesn't deserve that hell.

I love you dear Fliss and so want to be with YOU just as you promised us both.

No wonder suicide rates go up more around Xmas time with the absolute shit we have had destroying our lives and keeps destroying me each and every day and night awake or asleep. - I truly envy the dead. I look forward to being dead. I wish I was never born. - Fuck being alive and sufering and being forever falsley blamed and having all promises made to me always forever broken. - I fucking well trust absolutely NOBODY. NOBODY AT ALL. - I was NEVER like that until Fliss went crazy in late 2015. -- I love you dear Fliss and so want to be with YOU.

In case of an emergency physically preventing me, let me say this now then......MERRY XMAS......it will be the the 3rd bloody one without being with my dearest Fliss. <:-(

And to everyone else.....you will NEVER get to read the scifi fiction, the fantasy fiction, or the DS9 fan fiction I wrote, and all of which I spent so much enjoyable time on on over MANY years and which Fliss read (some) and enjoyed. - But not YOU Cath, not ANYONE will ever read them. YOU NEVER ASKED. AND YOU NEVER CARED. I hope to destroy them all because nobody gives a shit about me or anything, least of all what I write or ever wrote for enjoyment. - Your losses. Just add them to the rest of your losses. - FUCK THE WORLD. - HURRY UP AND START A WORLD WAR 3 AND KILL US ALL WITH NUKES. JUST DO IT, DO IT, DO IT! AND STOP FUCKING AROUND PRETENDING. - MAKE SURE YOU DETONATE A NUKE WHERE I AM AND KILL ME WITH IT!