#bloodythoughts

[bloodsoakedthoughts]

My side

March2017,

The party ended I was getting ready for bed when your text landed and sent my heart racing. “I’m coming downstairs” simply put you came down both of us nervous you were in a skin tone bra and violet panties I’ll never forget that sight me in your basement you at the top of the stairs looking sexy as hell. That’s how it started.

#you&me #bloodythoughts #w/oyou #worriedsick #happybeginings #tragicendings #suicidalthoughts #4meform3 #best intentions #worst decision

[bloodyparagraphs]

Don’t Know

“Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack of concrete? /Proving nature's law is wrong; it learned to walk without having feet. / Funny it seems, but by keeping its dreams, it learned to breathe fresh air. / Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else ever cared.”(Tupac Shakur). From the time I was able to realize that I was different from my peers, I hoped that I would grow to be the rose that came from concrete. But as time came to pass, I never felt like a flower. Never felt the brightness of the sun warm me and pay attention to me. Like a father to his son.

Searching and searching for the person staring back from the other side of the mirror has become such an annoying task. It is said that every man possess seven deadly traits; if one is to possess one of them in excess he will fall. I think I got sloth to the T. Sloth is comforting. She kept me grounded in reality unlike envy and lust; at least that’s what I thought. Greed was once an intimate lover of mine. Consuming in the beauty of the care and want I gave myself. Gluttony, she gave me the most pleasure in the shortest amount of time. Pride and I never got intimate, well not that I didn’t want to. She manipulated how I thought of myself. She ruined my relationship with gluttony.  She told me to look at myself. That I was disgusting and that Gluttony was holding me back from who I wanted to become. Wrath, she was an angel in comparison. Wrath helped me fight Pride off. Wrath was no better in the end. She was there to start a problem. I miss Gluttony and I miss Sloth. They won’t answer my calls anymore. Sometimes I wish they would just pick up the phone sometimes you know.

In the journey of life there were two moments where I feel that I might know who I am. Once was in high school and the other was on watch from myself. Tupac use to say that everyone feels pain and has it. My father use to say, “You are a good kid. You’re like me, but you also have your mother’s stubbornness. That’s going to get you hurt a lot; we gave you some gifts that tend to back fire sometimes. I can teach you as much as I can to prevent you from that pain, but there are just some things I just have to let you feel and go through on your own. My job is to make sure I tell the truth to prevent the pain or lessen the outcome of what may happen” (Father). Never forgot those words. Wish the advice stood with me. Hey, hindsight is 20/20 right? 

#Bloodythoughts