#been saving up for the last few weeks

[hybridshadowz]

pls Hoyo, let him smile againnnn

#i just wanna see this lad happy again #like he used to in the past #the leaks floating around are really giving me hope of having him playable #yes I am one of those Scaramouche stans #been saving up for the last few weeks #since it seems almost certain he will be playable #gib me the smol asshole boi #anyways this is my first time drawing him aaaaaa #genshin impact #scaramouche #fatui harbingers #kunikuzushi #hybs art

[mattodore]

pay attention to theo’s beautiful face and not whatever matthias’s arm is doing... i liked the lighting more here than against the wall

#these are the last screenshots i wanted to edit from the ones i took on the 22nd and had been slowly editing throughout the week #will finally be putting mattodore in their thirties to rest 🙏⚰️ #river dipping #echthroi #matthias evanoff #theodore doe #a burning house to live in #ts4 #ts4 edit #simblr #ended up not doing much to these screenshots tbh… i was so into the audiobook i was listening to i kinda just. stared at the wall a lot... #my brain was telling me this wasn’t worth posting bc i’ve done so many mattodore edits recently and this isn’t anything different but. #like i did actually spend a few hours with these edits so. on one hand i’m like this isn’t really anything #but on the other hand i’m like. well they’re my ocs whom i love dearly and i’ll probably enjoy looking back at this #the same way i do all my other recent edits which i open my own blog up to stare at like. multiple times in a day #obsessed atm…….. #anyway. #god… matthias is so huge he always takes up so much space i’m constantly having to crop him out of edits 😭 #and these are poses that weren’t even made from me…. so he’s not even at his full 6’3’’ height and size like 😭😭😭 #he distracted me but that aside... i'm waiting for my game to open up atm so i can get back to tweaking alessandria's sim #her face is gonna take me forever................................. #ik i don't talk about my other ocs on here much anymore but alessandria is my third favorite oc (mattodore obviously being my top two) #so... i'm seriously gonna agonize over every update i make for them now kjdhknjf #ocs with tragic backstories save me................... #i’ll probably spend a few hours with alessandria in cas and then i’m going back to google docs to write more abt mattodore

[kafkaguy]

character wrapped 2023 💥

tagged by @davidtennantpussytulpa ^-^ i didn't know how many to do so i copied tara and did top 10. i know the severance guys are Four Of Them but i can't separate them theyre all equally important to me

will graham (hannibal), em haywood (nope), aziraphale (good omens), mark & dylan & helly & irving (severance), hawkeye pierce (mash), martha jones (doctor who), ivan karamazov (the brothers karamazov), kim kitsuragi (disco elysium), stewy hosseini (succession), ruescott melshi (andor/rogue one)

i will tag... @fagician @britomart @libraryfag @roadwhores @majorbaby @globuspolski @hadleyfraserfaggot @tenderscience if u want to ^-^

#and now i will explain them all in detail #cos i started watching hannibal back in like. january or february and will immediately set up camp in my head and started to settle there #*I* pay rent to *HIM*. he lives there permanently. sweating and monologuing constantly #em was not only the character of 2022 but also of 2023 and of 2024 and the rest of the decade and all decades to come #she had such an impact on me keke palmer's performance will live with me forever and i love nope so fucking much #i almost didnt include her because nope was more of a last year obsession. but she lives on #aziraphale.........no comment #severance.......i love them all so much and at first i wanted just irving and then just helly and then i realise i cried over mark this week #and then i realised i couldnt possibly leave out dylan when hes probably my favourite character. so then i settled for all of them #hawkeye is my fucking wife. enough said #martha... well i knew i had to have a doctor who character. i thought maybe the doctor but then i thought their companions mean more to me #sometimes at least. i did have a fourteen icon for a while but then i was like but Donna..... and then i thought. well #these past few months at least martha jones has been eating away at my heart. i go batshit insane when i think about her #her impact. her grace. her power. so she had to go on the list.it was a toss up between her and donna for sure though #then i figured i had to include a karamazov since reading that book took up half of my year. and ivan was my favourite of the 3. so <3 #kim goes without saying. literally nothing to be said hes the character Of All Time. to me #stewy also goes without saying ive had so many Stewy Save Me moments since the beginning of season 4 all the way to the end of the year #i miss him every day. he is the moment. i wish there was more of him all the time #and the last one is a bit of a wildcard cos all my insanity abt melshi has been on my andor sideblog. #but rest assured ive been thoroughly Not Normal about him. he literally side appears in 4 episodes and has 11 total minutes onscreen #but i love him. so much. and hes occupied most of my thoughts since september. once again his impact his power his grace. his homosexuality #enough said. that's all. thanks for reading. this was a great year for autism and madness #tag game #🍪

[mister-brightside]

moved to a new state last week and I've finally finished unpacking, buying furnishings, doing the paperwork for my car etc. so now it's time for the most important thing of all:

getting a drum kit

#finding a job? what's that? #for real though the last few weeks of unemployment have been so nice #just going to sleep whenever I'm tired and waking up when I wake up with no alarms #it's been such a luxury #I should appreciate it more before I go on the job hunt next week #my savings will not last forever 😔 #also love the government making it as hard as possible for me to get my money back #I had to send them a letter. by snail mail #personal

[coldflasher]

not me thinking i'd finally started to find a good work/life balance where i could actually like. write and enjoy working on things that are fun and fulfilling while also keeping my head above water at work (aside from, y'know, minor details like the semi-frequent repetitive strain injuries and eye strain and also the fact my house is an absolute disaster 70% of the time) and then being violently humbled in my quarterly review by getting the worst quality score i've ever had in my 3 years working for the company...

#im genuinely mortified #like i know i bitch about my job a lot #but im genuinely pretty good at it #my last 3-4 quality scores have been really good. like. top end of the office average #and suddenly im 5 errors away from being given an official warning... so that's not great #to give u some idea. the lower the number the better the score. my last quality score was a 4. today i got a 25. #i have no idea how this happened?? #part of me is like... has there been a mistake. cos idk who edited that paper but surely it wasn't me. did i read it with my eyes shut? #my scores usually do take a dip in q4 cos i don't handle this time of year very well. but not THAT much of a dip jesus christ #my only saving grace is that if someone does that badly they do a few extra checks to see if it's a one-off #and on the next one they pulled i got a 6. which does make me look somewhat less bad #i ended up averaging out at a 14. so like. im still embarrassed but i reckon that's forgiveable #still. that's gonna be a fun Q4 meeting next week

[irawhiti]

man there is really no way out of poverty huh. like for real.

#no matter how much money i save up over years and years it literally won't ever be enough #i'm just never gonna get anything i want done like top surgery and i have to accept that. at the bare minimum it's gonna take over a decade #i have over 10 thousand dollars worth of dental work that needs to be done now #which would have been completely free if my parents just took me as a teen. free. but they didn't because they're abusive fuckwads #so now i gotta foot the bill. i'll never forgive them for a lot of things and that's one of the biggest things lol. #it's gonna cost several thousand dollars just to get me out of here back into a city too not even including finding a place and paying bond #everything i've saved up for literal years now is literally nothing compared to the bare minimum to potentially stop being fucking homeless #i've lost all the weight i gained from being able to feed myself bc i'm back with my parents with even less access to food than last time #so i'm just like... chronically malnourished and fainting all the time again. it really feels like the past few years were for nothing #i wish i had a bed. i haven't had a bed for well over a year now. #it's so fucking expensive to be homeless and for what. i was able to take a shower for the first time in two weeks today #taking a shower costs $30 for me. i'm so tired man. #delete later

[giddlygoat]

uh oh i’ve developed both a hyperfix on customizing rubber ducks and argos and mr plant within a matter of hours. on top of ttcc. how am i going to be able to sleep with all this adhd energy dawg

#gear diary #also i’m laying in bed at like 1:45 just now realizing that not only have i only eaten once today but i’ve been standing up so long #that now my legs are spasming like crazy and i’m hyper aware of every muscle in my body #and if the last few weeks are anything to go by i’m going to have nightmares at worst and stress dreams at best #tho i’ve had tf2 pop up a weird number of times in my dreams lately ? it’s come up a few times #and what sucks is i think i’ve only ever woke up from a nightmare like 3-4 times since my early childhood so when the dreams veer into that #i’m just …. stuck with it until i wake up in a rancid mood in da morning 👍 #lately it hasn’t even been the cool nightmares. i want to go back to getting swallowed by sea monsters and stuck in animatronics lawl #mostly i just dream about my mom #or the fan-favorite “i’m in charge of the safety of a bunch of people and end up unable to save them leaving me alone with my guilt” #also. some dreams about being lost lately? like in big buildings/cities/subdivisions i think #it’s all fuzzy but i remember the feeling #good lort i got so off track. what is this. so sorry

[maroonafternoon]

I will be honest. I am having a hard time.

#last month we had to move my boyfriend very quickly into a new apartment because his lease was not renewed #and I had to use almost all my savings on that #my mom got married last week and she’s really bad at planning #so I had to pick up a lot of slack for her #I got shafted on my shift bid and am starting it today #it’s 12:30 to 9 Monday thru Thursday #this is the worst shift I could’ve gotten #which means my stats are terrible and I’m lucky I’m keeping my job #but also they tell me they like me? Idk how to feel #plus my bf works nights and has trouble waking up #so I’m terrified he’s going to get fired if I’m unable to be there to wake him up #I still work my second job one day a week which does not pay nearly as well #but if this new schedule destroys my life I will have to go back to it #I feel like such a failure #also don’t remember when I got my period last #I’m terrified of everything right now #I’ve taken a few pregnancy tests in the last couple weeks and they’ve all been negative but my god #idk what I’m gonna do if that happens #personal

[the-ash-holio]

Is it just me, or is having your Spotify discover weekly feed you the perfect songs just straight up cathartic?

#i don't know what happened but my algorithm finally got its shit back together #my DW has been garbage all year #but every freaking song this week has been a vibe. if i can save this playlist specifically.... im going to #like its all chillstep/synthwave/electro-chill and im crying #spotify #maybe i need to just straight up listen to podcasts for 2 weeks more often. I think it reset the algo lol #like i have had a shit go at life these last few weeks but this playlist has me feeling like everything is fine. #seriously.... im about to find a way to save this whole freaking list cuz shit

[drysauce]

fuck this shit i'm NOT working this summer

#the initial plan was to work august september #but it turned out i'll be going to vienna at the beginning of september so i was planning to work for almost the whole august instead #so i messaged a buddy of mine who's been already working in a few shops #to ask which ones would be most eagar to hire me for a month #he didn't tell me and instead went 'lmao only for a month?' and it somehow pissed me off so much #i don't need money at the moment because i have a shit ton of savings so i was planning to work mostly so i wouldn't sit bored at home #but everyone around me seems to think that all people my age should definitely work for the whole summer #that at this age that's how ot should be because adults should work instead of staying at home for weeks #well fuck you all the same thing was going on when i said i wouldn't make a diving license ans that's why im already considered a #disappointment to society #i was grinding the schoolwork like crazy this year and ended up with maxed grades from the majority of the subject meaning i will most #definitely get a scholarship that is like 500-800zl a month for a year #which is FAR MORE than I'd make working in some clothes store for 2 months #i was working so hard at school i believe i deserve a break during holidays because guess what? IM TIRED #and a perspective of resigning from a trip with friends to tire myself more at work isn't amusing to me #'but your cousin didn't go on a vacation and is working this summer' #well during the schoolyear she and her girlfriend were making cosplays amd visiting places (good for them) so she's probably not as fed up #with everything and doesn't mind working because she doesn't feel that much of a need for a break #but i do and im so damn mad at everyone who tells me otherwise #fuck off i already worked my ass off for last 9 months to get that damn scholarship so these holidays im resting #next two semesters i'll tone down om schoolwork and getting 5s only and then work during summer but not this year #AGHH i hate it here

[hua-fei-hua]

alright whenever you have time (and also the energy) I would love to hear your thoughts on the lantern rite epilogue! Have a good day <3

we're going to pretend that people following me will care abt genshin 3.4 lantern rite spoilers so we're gonna put my entire deranged mess under a cut hahaha

*gently holds* MY XVS......

truly this lantern rite had EVERYTHING although truth be told, like, the way venti was kind of shoehorned in was a little disappointing. i felt a little bit baited by the way the 3.4 TRAILER HAD THAT ONE CUT RIGHT where it goes from VENTI PLAYING THE LYRE in the harbor to XIAO LOOKING UP AT THE FIREWORKS outside of wangshu inn, and then we see the xiao bit in the actual cutscene on day 2, but absolutely none of venti until the epilogue. and also we never see venti playing the lyre during the event story so it's like. whoever edited that pv absolutely had xv on the brain. like. what the hell was that it was magical i feel higher than a boat right now

BUT ANYWAY like i don't even care how obviously shoehorned in venti felt bc the interactions were all SO PERFECT i love love loved them. i loved the way hu tao just RAN INTO WANGSHU INN and started shouting for xiao, and then talked death to him until he was like "yeah sure i'll go to your dinner". they are so besties i love them their friendship is everything to me.

THE WAY. XV INTERACTED. IN FRONT OF US. xiao just like "well. um. there's this. um. um." TOTAL PANIC MODE n venti had to SAVE HIM with like "huuuh? did you forget already? i'm a bard!" like HELLO why do they need a COVER STORY why are they making up COVER STORIES TOGETHER WHAT WERE THEY DOING TOGETHER IN THE MARSH EARLIER like what kind of GAY SHIT--

also i'm pretty sure when xiao started explaining his relationship to venti, venti fluttered his lashes at him. like, i recorded the whole quest (bc i didn't last year with the final part n i REALLY WISH I HAD bc i STILL remember the dRAMATIC GASP i had when we had that one beiguang moment in the cutscene), and when i rewatched it earlier i was like. "HANG ON. DID HE JUST FLUTTER HIS LASHES" n rewatched it like three times. maybe my game was just stuttering BUT IT DEFINITELY LOOKED LIKE IT and maybe i'll gif it when i get home from work tonight

BUT ANYWAY (2) point is that the expression work this time was ON POINT like whoever's doing all that over at mhy hq needs to get a raise pronto. venti going (¬‿¬) at all the other immortals was so immaculate. you aren't subtle little man!!!

it's probably just shipper goggles on to an extent, but i feel like the xv implications were really strong this time around, with the parallels to that fontch guy's ancestor, and the guiping n everything... i'm kind of disappointed that we don't get to actually hear any of venti's unobstructed thoughts on xiao; like the ribbing n implications at the dinner are a lot of fun (like, they were totally making out in the marsh before dinner. we all know this. it's very clear imo), but it kind of makes me wonder why we can hear xiao like... do his Very Heavy Implying abt venti's importance to him (though again, he doesn't outright say anything-- we know the full extent n depth of xiao's feelings abt venti (romantic or not) bc we can read his character stories, so technically really he hasn't told us jack squat in the current canon timeline), but the best we get from venti are smug expressions. those expressions are very telling, ofc, but a very unhinged part of me wishes that mhy didn't feel the need to wrap up the xv in layers of allegory and metaphor and just outright heard one of them say, "this person is very dear to me." i know it's just the rabid shipper in me, and i need to be sedated, but i was really kind of hoping that we'd see the allegory w/the fontch guy's ancestor n madame ping lifted away at the end n, like, see or hear it be bound to xv outright. just for purely self-indulgent purposes o(--(

but anyway (3) i also love love loved all the playful ribbing, witty banter, and prev event callbacks btwn the characters!! hu tao n venti canonically making a pact to be poetry friends was SO GOOD you just KNOW hu tao is gonna commission venti to compose a JINGLE for wangsheng advertising purposes later, while zhongli n xiao are like, "this meeting never should have happened. we are all doomed." somehow i legitimately forgot that xq n venti know each other from irodori n was like, "...huh?" when xq mentioning knowing venti for like, a FULL two seconds. the way venti was like "damn you know i was right outside this entire time. can you believe the way some people ignore the wind?" n zhongli was like "hahaha (✿◡‿◡) the harbor is very busy this time of year (✿◠‿◠) it is very hard see or hear an individual person's whereabouts (^人^)"

AND ALSO. PAIMON BEING ELECTED AS THE "MOST DISTINGUISHED GUEST." PAIMON YOU GOT IN THE WAY OF MY DERANGED SELF-DELUSIONMENT MANY TIMES THIS LANTERN RITE BUT THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY. i thought it was interesting how no one nominated venti. like i was kind of expecting xiao to do it (but ofc he nominates traveler) which is fair honestly, n then i was like "IS LUMINE GONNA NOMINATE VENTI????" but then she nominated paimon n paimon was like "wait... me?????" n it was just EXACTLY like a bunch of adults telling the little kid they are the most specialest ever n they should have the honor of doing The Thing. as that little kid growing up, i know the feeling very well lol

there are other bits i'm just,,, rotating around in my mind, like venti and kazuha hanging out on the alcor, the way xiao goes "i can't taste the difference in xiangling's special almond tofu" when you go visit him afterwards, ALL THE GANQING THAT HAPPENED IN THE MAIN STORY I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM I'M SO HAPPY FOR ME I WON VERY HARD THIS LANTERN RITE, n like,,, yeah!!!!

#asks #anonymous #(at my non genshin followers/mutuals) I'M SORRY FOR BEING DERANGED. EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN DERANGED FOR OVER A YEAR N A HALF #it's funny bc i never apologized for abruptly changing fandoms before gnshn. the shame of gacha gaming never dies lmao #ANYWAY i'm pretty sure venti just ate off of xiao's plate the entire dinner. 'let me get you another set of cutlery' says hu tao #'okay sure!' venti replies; already stealing xiao's chopsticks n eating all his food bc it's not like xiao's eating all that much #plus. i was thinking of that spices in the west event. n how to my surprise venti liked the almond tofu n grilled tiger fish... #been getting a lot of kudos on my xv fics these last few days hahaha; i mentioned to star yesterday that the saucy xv thing i wrote #waaaay back in late july is like 290 hits away from entering my top five ao3 fics by hits #and if that happened it would do what j/jk had never been able to do (which is break the b//nha chokehold over my hits stats) #(j/jk broke my records on bookmarks tho n i'm very proud of that i love you diner fic) #n star said we should throw a party if the saucy xv fic made it to top five n i was like. #a 'thank you to all the thirsty people for dethroning the shadow of b/nha that lives over me at all times' party???? #n she was like 'yes. i think that is a wonderfully apt title' LOL #in the shower yesterday i was thinking abt the xvx week happening on twt n i Do have smth saved for the free day #this oneshot i started last july n then didn't finish until like two or three weeks ago but in the shower i was like #'muse... muse... you know it would be kind of fun if...' n i started thinking abt that livejournal au i came up w/as a joke months ago #so maybe i'll write smth real fast for that hahaha

[chantalstacys]

🫧 🫧 🫧

#i get the next two days off work! #lots of kids are on spring break and my boss is trying to save on labor #i was telling a parent today that i would be out and she said oh no #because her kid has only been with us for a few weeks and he’s very attached to me #apparently he goes around the house saying ‘i love you miss caitlin’ and he talks about me a lot #makes me feel special to have a two year-old’s approval #last time i was out one of them was actually very worried #and everytime she’d get picked up mom would ask how was your day #and she would say ‘no miss caitlin’ 😭😭😭 #diary

[femmeboyhooters]

Why does life ALWAYS have to be shit

#summer was fine except for everything that started breaking in here #this winter has been fucking dark #and i wanna fucking die #crying tonight because my skin fucking burns and rashes every time i wash my face at night bc everything in the bathroom is moldy #like everything is black and or gray #i barely even shower because it smells so bad in there #it wasn't supposed to do this and we have the theory this place was moldy when we bought it #especially the bathroom bc the shower wasn't finished and we've been too broke to fix it at all #the mattress has black mold everywhere even on the outside of a sealed mattress protector with an antimicrobial coating #my hormones and health have been fucked up since November #weather wise this is one of the coldest and wettest winter in this area in like 40+ years #the last three days i have had to stay up all night to make sure the water doesnt shut off freeze in the pipes or flood managing that 24/7 #bc on valentines day it dumped more snow than an average winter should have here in 24 hours and then dropped below freezing #i got my psoriasis and eczema back #i have thrush now #i can't breathe most the time bc my throat has been reacting like anaphylaxis and my airways start to close #oh and on top of that my husband just hasn't been working for a month bc there's no work at his job so we have all of 0.54 cents in account #we gotta pay rent in a week hopefully we don't get kicked out og where we're parking #and bc of the work stuff we can't move for a few months till we can get enough saved to do that and so im stuck here #i live in abject squalor #oh also did i mention everything i own has to fit into two cupboards now due to the mold ruining all our shit #and all the cupboards but two are rotted out #and the floor in our room is peeling up and breaking off bc of the mold #we both are having an incredibly hard time mentally #my txt

[kajiimotojiiro]

Ugh

#im going to ramble in these tags for a bit so that the potentially triggering tags #are located way way way down and no one will look at them i just #so uh yeah hows the weather anyone else having insane sinus drainage #i actually had a patient call me today worried because her nose was running and her head hurt and im like #well if it isnt getting worse and its only been a few days and you have no other symptoms you probs have sinus issues like everyone else #in this state but if youre super worried and antihistamines dont help please contact your doctor i appreciate your faith in a pharmacist #being able to diagnose over the phone but i actually legally cannot do that #are these tags long enough yet #possibly but who knows anyway if youre here uhhh tw animal death ahead #im a petsitter and have been for like. 10 years now and i share sits with my mom sometimes bc i work full time and cant always get there #anyway at one of our shared sits today she went in and one of the little cats was just #suddenly dead. like she wasnt that old and yet she was just. stiff and gone and we're both just so fucked up over it #like i wish there had been some sign and we could have saved her even though it was likely an unfixable heart defect #and her people apparently had taken her to the vet LAST WEEK and didnt bother to tell us that she seemed to be feeling poorly last week #and theyre just like oh we'll get a new cat when we come back #meanwhile my ocd has been going insane since then bc i have really bad intrusive thoughts centering on keeping my cats alive #like half of my rituals are specifically for my cats #and i just keep think about poor sammie dying alone and scared bc we werent there with her and her people had been gone since friday #and it just makes me so fucking sad my heart is breaking but i cant stop thinking about it and no distractions are working #rip sammie you were such a sweet little cat and im so sorry you had to go alone and scared

[selfconsumerofmywoes]

won some money last week so splashed out on my food shop - it’s actually so nice to be able to sit and pick what i want to make rather than just scraping together whatever meal i can with what foods left in my fridge

#actually feeling a bit spoiled for choice actually #trying to make it so i can make the most out of my fresh food #so i’ve been having a lot of noodles to use up the spring onions and coriander #SEE I EVEN GOT LITTLE GARNISH THINGS I USUALLY DONT WASTE MONEY ON!!!! #and i bought meat like really splashing the cash there #i’ve never bought pork other than cheap little chunks to put in rice sometimes #anyway this is wild #i didn’t even get fancy fancy foods or anything #which i think makes it a bit sad that im this excited #like i just got baby corn and a stirfry sauce #but usually i only get cupboard stables and a bit of fresh stuff like broccoli and peppers #so i can make a few different things from the same stuff #but this week i got to go yes i will buy a sauce for just one meal #like won’t be able to do it again because i’d be spending my entire weekly budget on food otherwise #but maybe i’ll start saving up to do this once a month or something #it’s wild that i’m halfway through my food week and im not down to the last morsels of food #when i haven’t even batch cooked a family size soup or something #don’t know what to do with myself #it was only an extra 20 quid and all (and that includes me getting cleaning products i was out of so really it’s less - #what a difference that little bit makes) #i talk and its probably something weird

[avinox]

I'm not sure how viable it would be, but I could try to get an assessment for disability because my OCD really does impair my ability to function normally. Like even when I think I'm doing fine I'm really not, it affects every little thing in my life.

My family would probably refrain me from trying to get that, even though that's what they suggested I do when I went to that job helping thing. They'd say that'll for sure make me unemployable, or that they're gonna fire me for that or something (obviously illegal). I'm not sure if I care about it as much as I do about wanting to know the exact degree that they think having this prevents me from having a life.

#my ocd has come up again STRONG. it's been a few weeks since it happened and it's the second worst wave I've experienced #i can't even maintain a conversation without being assaulted by thoughts #the worst wave lasted an entire month with full anxiety effects and then about 4 more months with medium anxiety and a year of base anxiety #it's still there most of the time but it's mostly an annoying voice that i can manage most of the time (except last summer) #how long will this one last??? unknown and that scares me #as you can imagine this isn't fucking normal and i don't have a life worth living right now #I'm curious about how bad they'd say it is but i actually want to work someday #so sorry for not being there for basically everything. I'm fighting my demons #and also running away from the most anxiety inducing stuff. which is bad for me but i need to be able to control my exposure #i only have money for 1 more visit to the therapist so I'm trying to save it for now #i just went a few weeks ago after a few months #help