#because i just walked in to my room fucking destoryed - no conversation. no communication. nothing.

[uncanny-tranny]

When I was a kid, I have a distinct memory of borrowing a laundry basket from my parents, and putting it back when I was done. Now, I hadn't put it back exactly where I saw it, and do you know the "punishment" I received? My entire room was completely trashed multiple times.

As an adult, I realize that the parent who did this wanted to teach me a lesson about respecting people's spaces enough to put things back in its proper place. I realize that it was supposed to be a kind of "eye for an eye" type of punishment, but that's not what I remember learning.

I remember learning as a kid, though: Never rely on other people for help, they will enact revenge on you. Don't go to other people. They will fucking hate you for it, they don't care about you enough, and the punishment you receive will be payment.

And in many ways, I still see this type of parenting being practiced. You aren't going to teach your kids jack shit by doing this. Kids' brains are typically not going to connect the dots the way yours is doing. A kid isn't going to have a grand sense of consequence because to them, they did a thing and then their parent fucking lost their mind.

What do you do instead? Preferably, you seek to communicate with them, show them the behaviour you want from them, and don't resort to corporal "punishment" or humiliation.

#parenting #advice #just something i remembered from years and years back #and guess what? i learned to respect other people's possessions just fine! but i didn't learn from whatever the fuck that was #i learned when i respected and felt safe with the people i was around #out of all the abusive things they did something about this just hits me #because it was about revenge. it was about punishment. it was never about the 'lesson' #if it were wouldn't i have actually fucking learned something? #because i just walked in to my room fucking destoryed - no conversation. no communication. nothing. #also the laundry basket was five feet to the right of where it was found. literally on the ground to the right #it was NOT that serious #clarification that this wasn't corporal punishment but the humiliation i suppose... sorry for any confusion