#bc what will be sadder than loving someone in that type of environment

[parcai]

it’s the advice anon! so this might be a little heavy so here’s a warning in advance but here goes: i’ve been with my gf for more than 3 years, and we’re pretty good friends as well. i used to be in a really bad place in terms of mental health, but i never told her about any of it because i didn’t want her to worry. point is, i don’t like making her worry. i love her so much and i just can’t hurt her like that. i don’t have the ask update and i’m running out of words so (1/?)

advice anon: she’s so sweet and so kind and i know it would break her if i told her but i just found out really horrible news about my health (to put it lightly i don’t have much time left) as a partial result of some past shit and if i want to tell her about this i’d have to tell her about everything else and i really don’t know if i should. neither of us are adults yet and i can’t ask my mom bc she doesn’t even know i’m gay. if you have any advice that would be great but if not i get it (2/2

hmm, okay, so obviously take everything i say with a grain of salt. obviously, i don’t completely know your situation, the severity of it, how your girlfriend ticks, your personality, etc., and you should ultimately be the one to evaluate your environment and come to your own conclusion.

here’s what i would do though: if your girlfriend’s the sensitive type, i wouldn’t tell her. normally, i wouldn’t say this, especially if y’all were adults, or living under the same roof, sharing taxes, and medical bills, etc. but if you think that it’s going to ruin your relationship for the remainder of your time, and you genuinely think you would both be happier if she didn’t know, then don’t tell her. there’s no point in having you both suffer. i’m not saying to lie, though. if she finds out, then tell the truth. at that point, it’ll be building a relationship on mistrust, and that’s never smart.

if she’s not, if you think that she wouldn’t understand you keeping it a secret, if you think she would feel betrayed and resentful when she finds out (and she inevitably will), then be 100% honest. even if it’ll be a little sadder for you both (and probably harder to unpack the harrowing past), at least she’ll know you meant every word afterward. with some people, the truth is always the best route,

thirdly, i know this was mostly advice for dealing with your girlfriend, but if your mother isn’t horribly homophobic or something like that, i think you should tell her. not only can she help carry your burdens (especially if you don’t tell your girlfriend), but if your relationship is decent, then i’m sure she’d want to know. with parents who really love you, they want to know, and she’ll want to help. she might understand your girlfriend and life better than i can. she’ll be happy to know you more, and oftentimes, asking people to help you with things can take their mind off things, especially, in my experience, when it comes to parents and guardians.

i hope everything goes well for you, babe, and i’m happy you found someone to love, someone who loves you just as much as you love them. it’s unfortunate that you have to carry so much, but i hope you have a wonderful support system to help you along the way.

#death mention tw #advice #advice anon #anon #answered