#basically living in an ableist world is what bothered him dhbfdsh but also his inability to ask for help

[bayoubaron]

@afraidofchange asked: How did Lola first handle his MS diagnosis?

first i want to talk about the circumstances surrounding and preceding the actual diagnosis, because i think it’s all very pertinent, so this is going to be lengthy.

lola was only twenty-three years old when he first began experiencing symptoms. they were very mild, and the sort of thing that was easy to dismiss, like tingling sensations and numbness in his limbs, and later, dizziness, mild enough that he could ignore it. he would then sometimes get tremors, mostly in his hands when he would hold something with any sort of weight to it, like a glass of water. even later, he started becoming extremely fatigued, something else he could dismiss as a side effect of school, work, and life in general.

lola also immensely dislikes doctors and medical settings, not even solely due to his fear of germs, but the entire process is very uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and awkward. this made him very disinclined to seek answers for his symptoms, especially when they weren’t really interfering with his life in a significant way, and would eventually go away on their own before showing back up again.

it wasn’t until about seven years later, when the impact on his mobility was more impacted, and he was finding it difficult to stand up and stay standing, lifting anything heavier than a couple of pounds, as well as the severe pain that had been getting worse and worse over the years, that he decided to seek medical attention, and then months later he was diagnosed.

by this time, he’d been experiencing symptoms long enough to know that there was something going on, but not to the point he was completely adjusted to the idea of being physically disabled. some of his early concerns were about being viewed and treated differently (which did happen, both with strangers, people he already knew, and there was often a difference in how he was treated when meeting someone new). he was also very aware of how society treats disabled people, and how it’s often viewed as a weakness or something undesirable, which caused him some dread.

the other major thing that was upsetting to him was his concerns surrounding losing his independence. lola has never felt comfortable being reliant on anyone since he was about ten years old; even though by this time he had money and did indeed pay people to do certain things for him, it was different from needing help.

it led him to becoming [more] depressed [than usual], for a while, until he adjusted and learned that he could still do things for himself, it was just going to be different, and he would need assistance for some things, be it from other people (which he still avoids where he can), or with assistive devices.

#afraidofchange #about. #basically living in an ableist world is what bothered him dhbfdsh but also his inability to ask for help #i didn't want to go into more detail about how he feels now and how it currently affects him cause this is already long dsjfs