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bayoubaron · 4 months
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your muse find lola's diary but every page has been redacted
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bayoubaron · 4 months
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Tree in the fog at dusk, Chicago lakefront, March 1992
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bayoubaron · 4 months
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oh yall already here damn 😂
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bayoubaron · 1 year
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Are you alive
Don’t ask me no personal shit like this
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bayoubaron · 1 year
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𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒
“ am i not good enough? ”  
“ you’ve been so quiet. what’s on your mind? ”  
“ why did you help me? ”  
“ who do you fight for? ”  
“ why do you hate me? ”  
“ have you come to laugh at me in my miserable state? ”  
“ you’re not dating anyone, are you? ”  
“ i’ve got your back, okay? ”  
“ where do you think you’re going? ”  
“ how long have i been asleep? ”  
“ are you going to kill me? ”  
“ why can’t i come with you? ”  
“ we all have secrets, don’t we? ”  
“ did you want to be alone? ”  
“ why should i trust you? ”  
“ wait. did you hear that? ”  
“ promise me? ”  
“ why are you talking like we’ll never see each other again? ”  
“ do you remember anything at all? ”  
“ what? no witty remark? nothing clever to say? ”  
“ you wanna know what your problem is? ”  
“ may i have this dance? ”  
“ can i ask… what happened? ”  
“ how many people have you killed? how many? ”  
“ do you ever hear yourself? ”  
“ would you run away with me? ”  
“ could you be happy here with me? ”  
“ you can’t or you won’t? ”  
“ you slept with them, didn’t you? ”  
“ well, how do i look? ”  
“ after all you’ve done how can i possibly trust you? ”  
“ why can’t you let me in? what are you so afraid of? ”  
“ what did they do to you? ”  
“ so why’s it so important anyway? ”  
“ where have you been? ”  
“ why are you looking at me like that? ”  
“ why did you come? ”  
“ what are you doing out here by yourself? ”  
“ is… that my shirt you’re wearing? ”  
“ you… don’t like me very much, do you? ”  
“ why does it always have to be a fight with you? ”
“ why can’t you look me in the eye? ”  
“ can you forgive me? ”  
“ what if i never see you again? ”  
“ you were going to leave without saying goodbye? ”  
“ how about a little midnight snack? ”  
“ are you… smelling me? ”  
“ how did you get this scar? ”  
“ what do you want in exchange for it? ”  
“ what did you want to tell me? ”  
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bayoubaron · 1 year
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@afraidofchange asked: How did Lola first handle his MS diagnosis?
first i want to talk about the circumstances surrounding and preceding the actual diagnosis, because i think it’s all very pertinent, so this is going to be lengthy.
lola was only twenty-three years old when he first began experiencing symptoms. they were very mild, and the sort of thing that was easy to dismiss, like tingling sensations and numbness in his limbs, and later, dizziness, mild enough that he could ignore it. he would then sometimes get tremors, mostly in his hands when he would hold something with any sort of weight to it, like a glass of water. even later, he started becoming extremely fatigued, something else he could dismiss as a side effect of school, work, and life in general.
lola also immensely dislikes doctors and medical settings, not even solely due to his fear of germs, but the entire process is very uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and awkward. this made him very disinclined to seek answers for his symptoms, especially when they weren’t really interfering with his life in a significant way, and would eventually go away on their own before showing back up again.
it wasn’t until about seven years later, when the impact on his mobility was more impacted, and he was finding it difficult to stand up and stay standing, lifting anything heavier than a couple of pounds, as well as the severe pain that had been getting worse and worse over the years, that he decided to seek medical attention, and then months later he was diagnosed.
by this time, he’d been experiencing symptoms long enough to know that there was something going on, but not to the point he was completely adjusted to the idea of being physically disabled. some of his early concerns were about being viewed and treated differently (which did happen, both with strangers, people he already knew, and there was often a difference in how he was treated when meeting someone new). he was also very aware of how society treats disabled people, and how it’s often viewed as a weakness or something undesirable, which caused him some dread.
the other major thing that was upsetting to him was his concerns surrounding losing his independence. lola has never felt comfortable being reliant on anyone since he was about ten years old; even though by this time he had money and did indeed pay people to do certain things for him, it was different from needing help.
it led him to becoming [more] depressed [than usual], for a while, until he adjusted and learned that he could still do things for himself, it was just going to be different, and he would need assistance for some things, be it from other people (which he still avoids where he can), or with assistive devices.
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bayoubaron · 1 year
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@surdelafrontera asked: does lola have a favorite among his daughters? or just one that he gets along with better than the other?
i don’t want to say he has a favorite (only because it sounds mean lmao), but he does get along best with elvira. he and mari are VERY different people, while he and elvira are a lot more alike, which is partly due to her deliberately emulating him when she was young, which mari never tried to do. not that he prefers elvira for being more like him, but they just tend to get along better because of it.
he doesn’t love elvira more, but he’s less likely to get into an argument or disagreement with her, though when they do have conflict, she often keeps it to herself because she wants to get back at him in some sneaky way, whereas mari will demand a conversation until she gets too upset and cries.
elvira is more calculated and cunning, while mari is more emotional and overly trusting of other people, and the sort of person to want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, which lola thinks is foolish.
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bayoubaron · 1 year
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@surdelafrontera asked: what was his dream job as a kid (if he had any)?
i REALLY had to think about this one, but i don’t think lola had any real solid ideas of what he wanted to actually do when he was a child. the things that did appeal to him were all creative, like acting, writing, or something very glamorous, but there was nothing specifically that he really was interested in.
he always knew that he wanted to have money. he loved and hated passing by nicer houses during the few times his great-grandmother took him outside of their small town, always bothered when other people were more fortunate than he was.
when he was a little older, he really wanted to go into fashion or ballet, but fashion felt difficult to really break into once he got to the age where he could actually pursue something, especially without having to go through a lower position first, which wasn’t very appealing to him. he did take a ballet course very briefly, but ended up disliking it for a lot of reasons; first, he really would have preferred to dance the feminine roles (he wanted to be lifted, that was a big part of what interested him in the first place), but even in a gay troupe, that wouldn’t have been the case, because he’s heavier than most of the other men there. second, and on the same subject, his instructor was extremely critical, and constantly told him he was too fat, until he quit (and then slashed her tires).
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bayoubaron · 1 year
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send me asks about lola? 👀
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bayoubaron · 1 year
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PINNED.
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independent & selective oc: lola malveaux, a snobby and slightly reclusive crime lord.
mun & muse are 25+. blog is restricted to 21+ only. shipping is very selective. this blog is private, meaning i will only interact with mutuals. read rules before following.
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