#at least I’m making progress now

[misc-obeyme]

I keep writing cute lil love scenes or raunchy smut scenes with Barbatos and my OCs. It’s like I can’t help myself. I know I have a Barb obsession but man what is going on? I have a problem.

#Arrie Ciaran and Azrael have all fallen victim #I dunno what happened it’s like I’ve risen from the writing slump #and now I’m writing a TON #and most of it is this nonsense #but at least I’m making a ton of progress on Arrie’s story too #gonna finish it this week #not gonna put fandom tags on this cause I’m just #late night nonsense posting #misc rambles

[hanzajesthanza]

it kind of bothers me that witcher fans don’t really unite under sapkowski’s name like other fans of fantasy authors do (e.g. “tolkien fans”).

in practically any other fandom of fantasy books, save for the particularly rancid authors known for their disappointing and shameful behavior or views (e.g. jk r*wling), it’s just regular business to say the author’s name. but sapkowski’s name is treated like a dirty word in the witcher fandom, for really no good reason…

it must be asked — what is stopping us from doing so?! why don’t we call ourselves sapkowski fans. it would be much easier than saying “i’m a fan of the witcher, but only the books, i don’t consider the various adaptations canon, etc. etc.” … “half a hundred words, when three are enough!!”

#i was just thinking about this today. can we call ourselves andrzej sapkowski fans beginning now or what #note that i said GOOD reason #meaning that it’s not like sapkowski is a conservative #the witcher books #txt #like sapkowski has done and said stuff that i dont approve of or like #the alcoholism at cons for instance hem hem (though ive also heard that type of behavior was standard) #he’s said a few cringey things about women and lesbians but nothing worse than your typical old guy would #specifically i’m referring to the ‘i dont hate women i - he he he - positively love them!’ which is actually just everybodys granddad lmao #and the ‘i dont know about why my characters are lesbians - though i can be sure im not one’ #that kind of stuff just makes me shake my head and laugh #but its not like he has done heinous shit like some of these authors running around loose out here #i mean i think it’s mitigated in part that he’s a private person with no twitter account #i also disgaree with his points from there is no gold in gray mountains but i also dont know enough abt what hes talking about to understand #understand FULLY at least. i understand some but not all. i think i understand just enough to disagree #but he has expressed a lot of progressive points which also come through in his series #what i mean is: hes not a terrible person. so why do people act like he is #ALSO i think if we united under his name then there would be more inter-series fans #ive always wondered where the fans of the hussite trilogy are (online). is there an online fanbase? #and if we do that then we can get more and better translations hopefully #like theres still no official translations for a ton of his short stories

[megarywrites]

Finished chapter 2 earlier! So far, haven’t made too many significant changes beyond rewording passages that needed it, but I think the next chapter will be when I start making some big(ish) changes

#wip: seafoam #book: tss #sf 2nd draft #i can’t remember if i have a tag for the 2nd draft yet but i’m gonna make one #the biggest change so far is reestablishing or redefinining her relationship with Zeno #instead of being her best friend he’s now her best friend’s older brother which establishes not only their inherent closeness #but also a necessary distance if that makes sense alsdfjas #the change i’m referring to for ch3 is Sosta’s introduction and the way he is perceived (beore shit hits the fan at least) #something else I want to accomplish with part 1 is reinforcing the reality that Thala is in fact a lesbian #i don’t think i failed in the first draft however I want to make sure that it’s like very clear lol #anyways feeling good about it so far and i’m looking forward to making some real progress here soon

[your-local-granny]

.

#I’m so happy gang I feel like I’m finally progressing vocally after my big scare last semester and it’s so good #I’m finally not stressed every hour of the day waiting for my voice to give out again and I feel like I’m on track in terms of memorizatiob #I finally have time to make a healthy dinner and lunch every day I’m finally getting enough sleep and I have time to do stuff outside schoo #also!! Faculty keep complimenting me and I know that it’s a low bar but still :))) I’ve put so much work into this role #and I was so excited/ scared to have a lead role because I have all the space to show people what I can actually do #and I half expected to fall totally flat or to have it like my first opera where I was too stressed to do it well or enjoy it #but I’m actually GOOD at this!! I have something I’m GOOD at!! And I get to do it!! #also I know the operas for next year finally yippee I won’t have another big role probably (tragic) but at least I can start preparing #and also I finally have some vague direction for my senior recital yippee so now I can focus on crafting a storyline w the rep #ALSO!!! Im probably gonna do study abroad!! And I feel good about my stage management stuff!! #go d I’m just so happy it feels like things are finally going well 😭😭😭 I’ve been throwing myself at this school for 3 years #and I’m finally getting something out of it hhh #portal of rambling

[workingforitallthetime]

.

#today was a very good day because in addition to a thoroughly delightful kraken game #i got to go eat a lovely grain bowl and write for a few hours #and i finished a scene that i’ve been stuck on for weeks #and the next scene is clearer to me now too #so hopefully i can start chipping away a few sentences per night #which is doable when i’m not stuck on a big problem #big problems require a few uninterrupted hours to myself to solve #and i simply do not have that option this spring #so i am glad to have at least gotten past this one so hopefully i can start making some more progress on this fic #gotta finish my team 101 longfic before team 102 is upon us #right?

[kazoologist]

I actually really fucking hate how anything in my schedule not going the way I initially Intended For It To just automatically makes me a massive fucking crybaby and or a raging bitch. Like dude. The grocery store does not hate me. It sucks that my schedule requires me to get there an hour earlier no matter what but like. They didn’t do that to me. Why am I always so upset whenever I have to change plans. I change plans too! I’m a living person!!! Why am I so fucking upset about this!!!!!!

#personal #im gonna delete this later I’m just venting #I’m also fine I’m just having a rough day and I can’t figure out why my emotions have been so fucking volatile. It’s so frustrating that #I can’t figure out how to get a handle on my emotions. I know I need to feel things but the problem is if I let myself feel them too much #Then I’m going to spiral or lash out at some random bystander and both of these make the initial feeling worse #I just can’t pull myself out of that quickly enough recently. It’s not an issue of ability bc I can. I just can’t do it. #wait that’s contradictory. I’ve been really struggling too recently. There we go. There’s accuracy. #Either way. Didn’t I spend all year in therapy last year trying to get this shit together? What the fuck. #Why is it the second I show a modicum of progress I immediately hit a single pebble on the road and get sent ass over teakettle #Progress isn’t linear but it also sure as hell isn’t meant to be a time loop. That I’m pretty sure of. #God everything’s just been so difficult this year. Shit that used to be almost instinctual to me now is a nightmare. #Maybe it’s growing pains and I guess that’s valid but how long do I have to have them #The good news is that thus far I have not snapped at anyone so at least right now we don’t have any casualties of my bad attitude #I feel so bad being so worried about that but like seriously no one needs me to be snapping at them. Even if I feel catharsis in the moment #We all feel bad immediately afterwards #It’s literally not even been a bad day today. I cannot emphasize how this has been the only problem today. Literally so much good happened #Ugh #dont look at me

[starbuck]

about a quarter of the way through making the WORST PANTS IMAGINABLE and i’m feeling GREAT

#stopping for tonight bc Too Sleepy #but i’m excited about my progress considering that it had stalled for uhhhhh…. five months #where’s that post about making terrible art to prevent Killing… that was me this evening #anxiety is still Up There but at least i DID something #with my HANDS #from which i can see PHYSICAL RESULTS #i needed that #this week is gonna be fucking ROUGH and I will be RELIEVED when it is OVER #and honestly it’s a toss-up whether these are even gonna be WEARABLE after all this work #but i don’t CARE at this point #i made them and i LOVE them and i don’t care how shit they look #if i can wear them then i’m gonna wear them to a queer club with my ridiculous boots #and NO ONE can fucking stop me #and that vision is all that’s keeping me going right now and that is OKAY!!!!!! #I AM ALIVE AND OWN DELIGHTFULLY STUPID SECONDHAND CLOTHES AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS

[dahldahlbills]

juggling three different writing projects in my head rn i feel like im going insane

#this is why I try to avoid working on multiple wips at the same time hhhh #love having ideas but I hate bouncing between them and feeling like I can’t keep any of it straight #two of them are fics and ones an original project #what makes things worse is that im incapable of writing anything Short or Uncomplicated #noooo it always has to be a 100k+ fantasy saga of some sort with room for spin-offs #like im happy but also Sterssed #bc 1) there’s no time to actually work on these so it all just festers I’m my noggin #*in #and 2) I am SO SLOW so the longer the project means the none of these will see the light of day for at least a decade #esp when I’m splitting my time between all three #I could drop one of the fics but I’ve already been working on it for over a year I’m too committed #and if I put it on hold now I’ll never come back to it #other fic is jojo related and I wanted it to be SHORT AND SWEET but brain said no <3 #and my brainrot consumes me so I must indulge #I’ve put off the original project for over a year already #and I need to like .. make progress on that if I want writing/art to be a serious career choice #so yeah fun stuff 👍 #im literally sitting at my desk talking to my figurines trying to sort all my thoughts #they’re great listeners <3 #but hey im having ideas so that’s great at least #blahblahbills #AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON ART WIPS

[dadbots]

cold as shit & freezing my ass off in this winter (But at least we made it to December.)

#dadbots.txt #starting the new month off with a sore throat & body aches due to household cold-like symptoms. Thanks. Even when I was trying 2 avoid it #and with how cold it is — permanently staying In bed forever. Like it’s physically making me curl into a crab rn oh my god it’s so cold #Which is both hell and good in both ways. Bad since I stay in bed too much anyway. Almost everyday. #Especially with chronic low energy and 24/7 fatigued. Mentally and physically. And i really gotta do better - #- and reduce that since that adds up alongside other unhealthy habits. And I can literally feel it taking a toll on me unfortunately. #But also good since I’ll be resting more often than not. It’s not something i do and so having the opportunity to rest is kinda nice? #Still. Two sides of a coin right now. And this cold is definitely not helping me or the fact it’s easier to get sick 10x more. #Back to pain relievers and heat ig. #Although with this just. Might be a cold but also not? Thing? Since not all of my sore throats are colds but overproduced mucus. Gross. #But been drinking tea like habitually to knock this out and warm blankets and stuff. Feeling better as of typing this. So thank god it’s wo #This month been… interesting to say the least. A lot of personal talk and changes that should’ve happened years ago. #But hey. You live and learn. #And I’m not mad at it. I’m making progress when I would’ve shrugged and say it’d never happen. Now it’s happening and even I’m surprised #Doesn’t mean it’ll completely override everything in my life or push stuff to the side. Though it’s better than nothing so I’ll take it. #Winter is always hard for a lot of people and I’ve been hit with it as well. Even near the holidays and all. #Been rough. And the constant realization that each month I don’t remember…. Anything. That has happened. #But also that I did a little more than previously and slowly pushing it each month. Little by little. #There’s been a drastic change from last year to now. Went through new lifestyles and experiences. Exploring different fields. Etc #So it’s been one hell of a ride anyway. And that I can sit back and be content with. Even if nothing else is currently going on yknow #December probably gonna be slow. But we’ll see. Hope to bring new opportunities fortune and possibilities along the way. Take care y’all

[melxody]

No I don’t wanna work I want to play dream light valley because my friends got me addicted

#I’m making so much progress #I now wish I started when it came out or at least earlier #if you like animal crossing or stardew you will love it

[caterpillarcrypt]

Confession: I kinda like booty shorts…. I think that they’re more comfortable than knee length loose shorts. I like tank tops and crop tops. Like it’s hot out, I want to be comfortable. I am not overly concerned with “modesty” like that.

I wasn’t allowed to dress comfortably in hot weather after I started puberty bc it was “too sexy” for me not to wear baggy, too long, too hot, ill-fitting clothes according to my mother (and the church) even tho I was a literal child, and I wasn’t supposed to “tempt men to sin” or whatever. I grew up with purity culture forced on me and it’s weird to see that kind of thing being praised as feminist now? Same thing with bikinis being seen as bad. I can’t fit most one-piece bathing suits bc I’m too tall. It’s way easier for me to find a bikini that actually fits.

Knee-length shorts are itchy and I have gotten rashes from the hem of those before because it rubs my skin wrong. I used to only be allowed to wear capris and knee length shorts, and it SUCKED. It was so freeing to finally be an adult and be able to buy and wear the clothes that I wanted to wear and that I felt comfortable in, even tho it was seen as “too sexual” or “slutty” for me to have my shoulders showing and wear shorts that didn’t go past my finger tips. Why should I care if it causes a man to sin in his heart or to “stumble”? Why should I care if it makes people think I’m a brain-dead whore? I can’t control other ppl’s thoughts and they’re wrong for thinking it anyway. Nothing inappropriate is even showing. I’m fully clothed, some people just feel like it’s wrong for women to show “too much” skin. I’m not going to wear uncomfortable clothes just so other people are comfortable instead. It’s none of anyone else’s business if I’m wearing a fucking tank top.

Idc that this purity culture shit is coming out of the mouths of women. That doesn’t change anything. It’s still stupid. It’s complete bullshit. Like you wear whatever you want, I’m not going to insist that other women dress how I do. I just want to be left alone about it and I want other women to be left alone about that kind of thing too. It’s like obsessive at this point. Stop defining women by how much skin they are or are not showing jfc.

#sry this is messy I’m tired #hope it’s at least a little coherent #clothing discourse #also I don’t understand why some women say to wear mens clothes instead of womens? #bc mens clothing doesn’t fit right at all #also like I’m not going to ‘cover up’ or whatever in the name of ideological purity #I’m not doing it for religious reasons so why would I give in now? #do you know how long it took me to be comfortable wearing clothes that showed ‘too much’ skin??? bc it took too long for me to give up now #some of y’all are out of your minds lol #like I dress appropriately for activities and weather #if that’s slutty to you then you have issues #that’s ur problem not anyone else’s #also like the amount of women on this website I have seen complain about women being vain or whatever??? #really like some of you legit sound like the really nutty christians #how do you not understand how conservative you sound??? #do you have no experience being around that kind of rhetoric?? bc I do and that’s what you sound like #just disguised in ‘progressive’/‘feminist’ language #still using the same logic and reasoning too #i should make a chart or something I could explain this infinitely better #god I hate purity culture sm

[exopelagic]

kinda mad I figured out how to study literally 2 weeks before I’ll never have to do it again

#it’s FINE it’s transferable I’m gonna have a lot of independent work to do over the next. up to 6 years. insane to think abt that #but goddamn I’m like? enjoying this now?? #and that’s combination of having no other demands on my time + immediate and desperate need to do it #but ALSO. turns out I kinda like this. wild #adding this to the Fuck This Place pile #but yeah apparently what I have to do is 1. be out of the house. this is the first and most important step #2. have music on that’s familiar + mostly me fucking around with whatever pops into my head #3. have some kinda tracker so I can see number go up #but yeah setting regular times to be out the flat and not worrying abt work so much unless I WANT to outside of that has saved my life #saying this now for future reference so that Luke in 2 weeks-6 months time doesn’t completely forget everything #but also. I’d honestly be chill with doing lecture notes for a while longer #like at the rate I’m going currently I’d be done within a few weeks but if I had free time during term time I’d probably be able to keep up #alas. 8 days. #im making progress im gonna have at least half the content done and with how I’m prioritising that SHOULD be enough #it’s gonna be fine #library in t minus 24 minutes and I can return to nodulation <3 #luke.txt

[quartzskies]

just got paid to play story of seasons for 3 hours

#rambles #literally nothing else to do #At least I’m making good progress in my game now! #just proposed to rock 💅🏼

[chaoswithcausation]

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#vent incoming ✌️ w/ talk of transphobia #aughhgg #dearest darling mother could you PLEASE stop getting progressively more transphobic #the company you keep is influencing the opinions you hold #that’s not a “man who thinks he’s a woman” she’s a trans woman. at the very least you could go back to referring to her as a biological mal #like you used to oh my STARS #you say that you can’t trust everything you hear/read but do YOU consider your sources? what biases they may have? do you crosscheck info? #have you spoken to a trans person and had a normal conversation. have you spoken to a trans person PERIOD. #augghggggg #y’all I love my mom but. we don’t exactly have matching viewpoints. #not that she really knows that yet ofc #it’ll be… interesting to say the least when I move out and start living queerer #I’ll make it all work somehow. My family is v important to me and at least I don’t have to doubt that my mom loves me #+I trust my sister to have my back no matter what (just like I do for her) so. contingencies. #I’m not gonna worry abt it for now though. no sense in doing that.

[bitterpngs]

,

#today was a normal day nothing happened #it was actually kind of nice #yet i feel so bad all of a sudden #not really enjoying the thoughts im having and now i’m kind of concerned because unlike other times this feels so random #genuinely thought i was doing at least a little better. things felt like they were improving and yet :/ #why do i feel like this haaah #i don’t want things to get worse #angel.txt #delete later #i wish i could easily fix this #idkkkkkk #never thought i’d have to worry about this and now it feels like things could get worse despite the slow progress i’ve been making

[cr0wc0rpse]

I’m just having a shit time and feeling pretty miserable lately and I’ve been trying to not think too much about it or let it soak but it still gets in through the cracks. And earlier today I was reminded that 1 year ago today I got out of the hospital after my suicide attempt. Which just kind of makes me feel worse. I was miserable then and I’m still miserable now. Almost nothing has actually changed since then, both within me, personally and my life, and outside of me. It’s still the same

#this is brought on by the last post I reblogged #I already rambled about this in my mood tracker journal thing but . damn. is this just forever #it’s so hard to believe I’m ever going to ACTUALLY get better. or that things will ACTUALLY change #the only main difference between a year ago and now is that I dropped out of college. that’s about it #and the thing is that there’s stuff I could (and should) be doing to change stuff. I need to try harder #but it is so difficult for no reason at all. I can barely even take care of myself lately #so so so much of my life is fully in my hands and I just need to TRY and START and GO. I know this. I’m incredibly aware of this #I just can’t fucking get myself to do anything or feel anything or care enough to make a good consistent effort #I want to!! I really really fucking want to do things and change things and Get Better and Make Progress #god. anyway. the post I reblogged before this made me cry because of my recent attempt and thinking about how I’m currently fairing #but also because of how my parents are handling how I am right now. and I do think it’s justified. but it still hurts #I barely got that kind of response (like the post) from my parents after my attempt #although I’m not sure what I expected. or even what I wanted from them #sometimes I still think about how my mother acted/responded to me both before I willingly admitted myself and during my attempt #it hurts. it hurts a lot. I still feel so fucking stupid for thinking she’d react in a sympathetic or empathetic or kind or compassionate #and then last month was she said something about me killing myself in an almost mocking way. as if it’s something to make light of #I feel like screaming. I feel awful and nothing is different and I know I need to make it different myself and just try harder #but sometimes I think that if I could actually get better then I would’ve by now. or at least would’ve started improving somewhat #I have tried. there’s a lot of things I’ve tried. and I really want to get better and not be like this anymore and have things change #nothing ever seems to help or stick or do enough though. I throw myself at a wall and when I can manage to stand I do it again #ok. ending this post now. I wrote a lot #dead text