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ceruleanchillin · 3 years

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When You're At The Function F***in It UP And Your Man Walks In (Mayans)

Warnings: Implied sexual content, language, fighting

Characters: Angel, Coco, & EZ

You’re on thin ice as it is sis. The little forest-green dress with the the deep plunge front and slit sides, the one that ended up purchased after your friends hyped you into it. That’s supposed to be in the trash according to one Angel Reyes. That, or reserved for private nights in.

Currently, it was wrapped around your form, helping you grab envious/admiring glances from around the room.

Your hips twisted to the layered bass, using the random behind you for stability. Your friend next to you cheered you on, her inner hype man on full display. There’s a breakdown in the song, and you lose yourself in the rhythm. Suddenly, you hear a familiar voice telling you “Superstar mama, say hi for the gram!”.

Your eyes zone in on Gilly, eyes wide. Everyone knew the Mayans rolled deep when they went anywhere. Where there was one, there was the rest. Especially when it came to the three musketeers and their wrangler, EZ.

Like you were busted sneaking back into your room as a teen, you froze. You narrowed your eyes at your friend who shrugged and mouthed sorry before disappearing.

“Gilly fuck off!” You hissed, moving away from the random. Your eyes scanning the crowded den.

Gilly laughed, tucking his phone into his kutte. “Ayy, don’t get mad at me,” he fluttered his eyelashes and fake coughed into his hand. “I don’t feel so good baby, I’m just gonna stay in tonight.”

You narrowed your eyes at his high-pitched mimicry of your last conversation with Angel.

He wasn’t even supposed to be there. Your friend swore she nixed all Mayan related invites, just for that night, on your behalf. All you wanted was to be able to turn up like you did pre-relationship. Normally you could at clubhouse parties since Angel trusted everyone there with his life. Any party outside of that was a gamble, and Angel could referee like he got a check for it.

Your eyes finally met said man’s across the party and a chill and went down your spine. Angel was propped against the wall across the way, eyes on you.

The rest of party fell away as you made your way over to him, schooling your features into your ‘what did I do daddy?’ pout.

“Nah, don’t come over with that lip poking now.” He shook his head, speaking when you were in range of him.

“And what are you doing wearing this fucking pillowcase out here? What did we talk about?” He pinched the thin strings of your dress.

“Nooo, don’t be mad. I was walking through my closet and it fell on me. Besides, you liked it when I modeled it for you.”

Angel scoffed, refusing to even entertain your comments. Coco chuckled from his spot next to his friend as he lit a cigarette.

“I thought you had club shit, I didn’t even know you’d be here.” You cringed as soon as the words left your lips, the shots you’d taken earlier still putting in work.

“I didn’t know you’d be here either. I thought you were sick. There’s some soup in the car that thought it was getting dropped off. Apparently wrong thoughts is the theme of the night.”

Petty by Angel Reyes.

“Soup? Baby, that’s so sweet.” You tried to pet his cheeks, but he was keeping you at bay.

“You aren’t even sick! Imma give that shit to Gilly.”

“Nooo.” You whined again, still trying to get him to let you touch him in some way.

“Get that bitch you were dancing with to buy you soup.” It was his turn to pout, but there was fire in his eyes as he tracked the guy you’d been dancing with. “It’s all he’s gonna be able to fucking eat in a minute anyways.”

“Sorry I blew up your spot ma, I just wanted to see my plug and get out.” Coco opened the palm of his hand not holding the cigarette and revealed a small bag of weed.

Angel snapped his head towards him, expression incredulous. “Don’t apologize to her, she lied to her man! She gave some puto hope! Get on code!”

“I love you hermano, but this is your guard dog-ass fault.” He pointedly ignored his friend’s heated glare as a girl in the doorway caught his interest, slipping away when she positively returned his gaze.

Angel’s attention was claimed by you once again when you pulled his head down towards you. You smothered his cheeks in kisses, to which he was physically unresponsive.

“I don’t know if I want you kissing on me querida.”

You rolled your eyes. Petty or not, everyone knew Angel’s life force depleted the longer he went without touching you. Even in your tipsy state you could see his fingers literally twitched with the need to take their rightful place on your hips.

“I just wanted to dance like I used to, and you don’t dance. Then you beat down guys who want to. You left me no choice, so let me have kisses.” You locked your arms around his waist, successfully avoiding his half-hearted attempts to push you away.

He scrunched up his face. “How the fuck am I catching strays in this situation? I’m the victim!”

“I’ll make it up to you later if you stop being a hatin’ wallflower and let me grind on you.” Your hips found the rhythm of the slow wind song thumping through the room.

His hands encircled your throat, drawing you closer to his person. Your pupils blew at his darkened expression, your lower half squirming with interest. He pressed his lips to yours, and the party faded to nothing again. His fingers flexed around your throat before closing just enough for him to draw the subtlest gasp from you. He felt it more than heard it over the noise, but it was enough.

He pulled away, licking his lips as you tried to remember where you were and if sin always tasted so good.

“You’ll make it up to me right now in the traitor’s car.” he held up keys you recognized to be Coco’s.

You started to protest on principle, but your body was going through withdrawals from a lite touch (for Angel). He could see the wheels turning, but you were letting him lead you out of the room, palm openly covering your ass.

“Who are you texting?” You asked, more annoyed with how his hands were no longer possessively roaming your body than a real answer.

He quickly pocketed his phone and returned his hands to you. “No one baby.” definitely not telling his boys via group chat to handle the random for him. “Stop worrying about anything other than how you’re gonna get around at work tomorrow.”

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It was bad enough you couldn’t make it to New Orleans due to work, and Old Lady “responsibilities”, but this petty fight you were in with Coco was the kicker. You couldn’t even remember how it started, but it escalated back and forth until you weren’t speaking and were back staying at your apartment.

Poor Letty had been reduced to messenger girl, especially now that she had a car. A tug of war with your point being “she was my girl first, that’s how we met” and his point being “she’s my kid, blood first ma” had broken out. You didn’t know what was going to wear through its welcome first, your lack of Coco, or Letty’s patience, but they were competing. It wasn’t like Coco was doing any better if your daily updates from Letty were any indication. He was impatient, tense, chain smoking, and was getting closer and closer to going through with the apology call he was openly fighting.

It wouldn’t be long before you were back to getting your back arched out of shape if that was anything to go by. Not a moment too soon if your own miserable habits were anything to go by. You wanted to use the party to distract yourself, hoping Coco would break first the following day. If not, it was sure to be you.

You spent the whole day throwing your frustrations into decorating your best friend’s backyard. It looked like the French Quarter threw up its best years, but it was the perfect backdrop to lose yourself to some bounce music.

Normally, you could goad Coco into being your twerking post, and that resistance (plus his turned on bi-lingual hypeman compliments in your ear) was everything missing at the moment.

You pouted and weaved your way out of the crowd to your friend who was busy playing good hostess.

“Ah ah, no whining. If you wanna really make it Mardi Gras, shake your ass on a dude.”

You narrowed your eyes, annoyed she shut down and solved your problem before you could whine about it. “Coco hates that shit! Plus he’s spoiled me, it won’t even be the same.”

“Coco isn’t here, and it doesn’t have to be the same, it just has to do.” She turned away from where she’d filled two shot glasses for the two of you. “Besides, we both know your ass is gonna be all in his neck crying about how you miss him tomorrow. Do your thing before you go out sad.”

She clinked shot glasses with you, pleased at her accurate assessment and your sourpuss face.

“Fuck you.” You laughed, voice rough from the burn of the shot.

“Save that for Coco.” She smacked your ass, draped one of the many beaded necklaces hanging off her shoulder around your neck, and sent you on your way back to the crowd of writhing bodies.

It was nothing to find dudes to grind on, and you fell into the synergy. You couldn’t count how many fast paced songs you’d thrown it back to, or how many guys you’d danced with. The stack of beads you’d acquired gave some idea though.

Meanwhile, Coco’s skin was alive with the kind of anger he felt. He’d been seriously contemplating coming to your place and forcing out admissions of how his life wasn’t right without you in it. He couldn’t remember who or what started it, but it didn’t even matter when your scent was starting to fade from his pillow, and his touch starvation was acting up.

All of that went careening out the window when he stumbled upon a pouty Letty, huffing and sucking her teeth at her phone. Turns out you, and “everyone in the goddamn world but me” according to Letty, were at your friend’s blowout Mardi Gras party. Coco knew it was your favorite holiday, but it was news to him that you had any plans since you couldn’t officially go this year. News he didn’t welcome at all, since all of the videos he saw you in you were throwing (his) your ass on multiple dudes. Did you think he wouldn’t fight everyone???

He was already on his bike before he’d even registered leaving the house. He sent a quick summoning call in his boy’s group chat, your friend’s address the destination.

The party was louder and wilder than the videos let on. He’d already spotted his boys by their kuttes, mingling in their respective ways, but didn’t seek them out. They’d find him if he needed them to. Coco on the other hand, needed to find you.

His eagle eyes picked apart the crowd until he spotted you twisting yourself to the rhythm. Coco didn’t know whether to shoot the asshole behind you, or take you away to deal with the feelings you were bringing out of him.

You knew he loved when you brought the South to the West Coast with your hips and ass.

He charged into your space, his hands immediately going for the guy’s arm and snatching him towards him.

“Make a choice cabrón. Get the fuck out, or be an expensive bill and sad memory for your moms by morning.” He pressed his kutte to his person, emphasizing that he was strapped.

The guy raised his palms and quickly exited the scene. Unwilling to test what clearly was a warning that Coco would happily make good on.

You tugged on him, trying to get him to move away from the crowd. Scanning those around you to see who saw or heard, you noticed more than you would’ve liked. They wouldn’t make a fuss, noting his kutte, but still.

“Stop it. What are you even doing here?” You hissed, tugging his arm harshly for his attention.

He turned his gaze, wild with adrenaline and arrogance at his victory, on you. “You should’ve stopped yourself before throwing it back on random fuckers for the internet. This is on you.”

“No, this is on you. If you hadn’t done what you did or said what you said…”. You trailed off remembering that you couldn’t recall what had happened, just the frustration.

“What did I say or do (y/n)?” He noted your visible annoyance that he’d chosen to use your real name instead of a pet name, and with a smirk, he walked you backwards until your back gently hit the fence.

Between not recalling what started the fight, and your man looking amazing, you settled on a pathetic. “You remember.”

“No I don’t, and neither do you.” that familiar prickle of intensity sparked between the two of you.

Everything between you and Coco felt like a live wire dancing back and forth. High energy moments usually ended in either great sex, or separation (sometimes by the force of your friends) to let things cool down.

“I know you’re gonna catch a case if you keep moving like that Johnny. Is that what you want?”

“Nah mujer, that ain’t what I want. I want you home where you belong, but you’re out here playing me instead.” Slender fingers tugged sharply at a few of the beaded necklaces in your stack.

You sucked your teeth and turned your head, ignoring the warm cheeks and butterflies in your stomach at his on-brand admission of missing you.

He placed a hand on the fence next to your head, grasping your chin to turn your attention back to him.

“You’re being a drama queen. I thought I was talking to Angel for a second.”

He threw his head back as laughed, and you got an almost overwhelming urge to kiss him. Or at least bury your fingers in his soft curls, they were begging for it at this po-

“Fuck that, he’s still got me beat. Wait til you see the tantrum he’s saving for you for not getting invited tonight.”

“He was, I just told her to can it because of you. He should be mad at you.” You pouted, but your tone was teasing.

“I could put in a good word for you…you know, if you’re done being petty.” He leaned in, running his lips over the shell of your ear.

“Or I could just offer to throw it back on him to make him forget.”

It was your turn to laugh when Coco tensed, and pulled back from where he’d been teasing you with light touches. You didn’t love him no longer touching you, but faltering him made it almost worth it.

“Or you could take me home and we could both forget…” you clutched at his kutte, leaning into him.

He pulled your hands away by your wrists, his thumbs rubbing over your pulse points.

“Nah, if dancing is this fucking important to you, come on then.” He pulled you after him.

“Cocooo,” you whined, more interested in getting him to touch you again. “Take me home already.”

“My lady wants to dance.” He sat on the outdoor wicker couch and patted his lap. “So dance.”

You stood there in confusion for a second, before what he meant became clear. “I’m not doing that here!”

“You didn’t have an issue earlier, move those hips ma.” He looked between you and his lap again.

Could’ve been the way he was biting his lip, or the laid back way he rested against the couch, but that coupled with lack of access to him, had affirmative words running through your mind.

You playfully rolled your eyes, faking like his request was that expensive. “Only because I want to get you home, and I know you’ll never quit whining if I don’t.”

You slipped onto his lap, the action already drawing attention from partygoers just for the potential of what was to come.

He grasped your hips to still you before you started to move, his palm pressing you back to him by your throat. “And don’t half-ass it yeah…or I might do the same when I get you home.”

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It wasn’t until Creeper hit his shoulder and informed him of how hard he was smiling that EZ realized his cheeks ached. He couldn’t help it, he loved watching you dance more than anything.

As soon as you heard a melody you liked, you came alive to it, and stole everyone’s attention. You could find the beat on anything.

That wasn’t his sole reason for cheesing so hard though. Tonight had been the first night you brought your closest friends around the club, and he knew it took great trust in him, his brothers, and your relationship to do that. Your family was on the East Coast, so your friends filled that role for you. Coupled with EZ, they were your world and he thanked you everyday for letting him in.

“Gonna stop calling you boy scout if you keep enjoying the show this much.” Creeper took the seat across from him, half blocking his view.

“Oh you didn’t know how EZ gets down?” Angel’s lips formed that mischievous grin, his eyes taking on the same glint. “You should’ve seen him begging me for tales from Angel’s crib.”

“She and her girls look good out there. Might be too much for you junior.”

EZ rolled his eyes at the ribbing from his brothers, his grin still intact. “At some point I’m gonna be patched, I’m happy to make a cage date for that day. Pretty sure I can take both of you.

Creeper and Angel exchanged exaggerated incredulous expressions.

“See what happens when you go easy on the help?” Angel scoffed. “You sound like you’re hurtin’ for work prospect.”

“Could use some more water.” Creeper shook his water bottle at him, just barely missing splashing him.

EZ rose from his seat, empty beer bottle in hand. “Just remember that day is coming.”

Angel and Creeper laughed raucously at that.

“Don’t get your ass beat in front of your woman lil bro!”

EZ shook his head, choosing to ignore his dumbass older brother. and tossed his bottle in the trash. Slipping through the moving bodies until he was near you, he gently patted your friend who nodded and stepped from behind you.

You jumped, surprised at his sudden appearance, but settled back against him.

“Hey baby.” You gently encouraged him to follow the sway of your hips as he placed his head on your shoulder.

“Hey. I’m back on the slave clock, you want anything?”

You turned to him, his arms instinctively encircling your waist. “Hard tea please.”

“I gotta go to the trailer for that, and get the variety hour table over there a drink. I’ll try to be quick.”

“Don’t rush, but remember, you owe me a dance.” You cupped his cheeks and pressed a kiss to his lips.

He grinned goofily, his attention solely yours until he felt your girls draping themselves over him.

“Can you get us some too Zeke? Thanks.” “Preciate it Z.”

You giggled pushing them off him, but you knew he didn’t mind. You guys were a package deal and he’d take whatever you came with. At least their requests came with pleasantries.

“Sure ladies, not a problem. Don’t let anyone take her while I’m gone.”

They laughed, giving affirmative replies while you rolled your eyes pushed him towards the side door.

Once he began his drink fulfillment quest, it was like every brother wanted something from him. It was a full house that night and he should’ve known once he was no longer under Angel’s break protection, he was back to errand boy status.

Every task he completed was met with teasing about how his rushed pace clearly pointed to him wanting to get back to you. He didn’t argue the fact, just moved faster every time you were mentioned.

Finally, he was able to to focus on your request when he stopped being flagged down.

He was heading to the trailer when one of your friends stopped him.

“One of the other charter’s guys is annoying our girl. She doesn’t wanna make a fuss cause’..you know.” She gestured to his vest to signify his prospect status. “But I know she’s not feeling it.”

He could feel the the muscles in his jaw flex in anger, feet carrying him across the crowded yard. People moved before he could plow through them, which was just as well, because he wasn’t fully in control at that point, and didn’t think he could slow down enough to sidestep them.

The clubhouse had filled considerably since his absence. He scanned the room for you, finding you in a crowd of moving bodies. Your friend was right, you had a good poker face, but your man knew you.

He didn’t waste time physically separating you from the Yuma patch member. He gently put you behind his person, feeling your small hands press against his back through his vest.

“I’m good baby. He agreed this was the last dance.” Your voice belied your annoyance despite your words.

“I’m guessing he said that more than once.”

“I don’t mind, I know clu-“

Yuma interrupted you. “See, she doesn’t mind. Go find something to do with yourself prospect.”

“I’ve got a project in mind.” EZ pushed you back a little more to give himself room to work with.

“Be smart bare vest.” Yuma smirked, his eyes saying how much he’d love for EZ to make the mistake he was thinking about.

In the span of the next few seconds, Yuma’s vest and shirt was covered in beer and Coco had appeared at the same time. If the obvious way he was holding the bottle didn’t give away he did it on purpose, his dry “my bad” and shrug did.

Yuma swung on Coco who anticipated it and dodged it, before firing back with a successful punch of his own. A sea of Mayans of mixed charter filled the space and EZ quickly pushed you behind the bar before he lost you in the shuffle.

Understanding what Coco had done, he got in the middle to give the Yuma patch what he’d been asking for while he was covered by the chaos.

It didn’t last long before the presidents stepped in, but it didn’t have to. He was happy to take the few licks he’d received, because he was pretty sure he’d broken Yuma patch’s nose, and would get away with it.

His brother’s words against theirs, and the presidents didn’t feel the need to make it a drawn out issue. He pretended to have played bouncer instead of active participant, and it all ended with a basic chewing out.

His only thoughts were of you once his rage had subsided, and he could think clearly again. Had he scared off you and your friends? Embarrassed you?

He was happy to find that hadn’t. Your friends couldn’t help but fawn over him and how “perfect for you” he was. He especially enjoyed reveling in the jealousy of Coco, Angel, Gilly, and Creeper. Coco slightly less salty when he got praise for his efforts.

He got his admiration from you later when you patched him up in the trailer, soft voice telling him how sexy he looked to you, and how you appreciated him thinking of you in his position. You held his face and gently went over everything you could find, while he said on his makeshift bed content to let you.

He couldn’t stop grinning, the one that always got him mercilessly mocked because it was now associated with him thinking of you.

“Seriously EZ,” you dabbed at the final cut you hadn’t attended to. “Thank you.”

“I want you to feel safe with me, it’s only fair if you can accept all this shit.”

You grinned down at him, hair framing your face, and he had to remind himself to breathe at the sight. “I do, all the time.”

He cupped the side of your face, unwilling to fight the urge to kiss you any longer.

You laughed speaking between kisses. “I’m not done.”

“It’s ok, I’m good.” He chased your lips, unashamed to want you so badly.

“Ok,” you returned his kisses, your fingers dancing down the nape of his neck. “But I’d like to cash in that dance you owe me…you know, before we get too busy.”

He rose to full height, hands finding both of yours. “I can do that.”

AN:

I don’t speak Spanish, so if I made a mistake feel free to hop in my messages and let me know and how to fix it please. You’re more than welcome to.

1.) I remember seeing a meme vid about this years ago, and finding it hilarious. I could see this happening with these dudes and their personalities. That, and I just really wanted a lil southern culture in a Mayans drabble. 🤷🏾‍♀️

2.) I did a rewatch of the whole series (including the original), and I’m back on the obsession train. Just tryna to be happy before S4 kicks my shit in.

3.) I kept telling myself I wouldn’t end up writing for these fools and here I am in my Ringling Bros. best🤡.

#mayans mc #mayans imagine #angel reyes #angel reyes x reader #Coco Cruz #Coco Cruz x reader #ez reyes x reader #ez reyes #reader insert

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definitelynotaminion · 6 years

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Alright, send me prompts. Preferably Naruto

And preferably femslash because I’m trying to get Bingo on my sapphic september card but I kind of need a break

PROMPT LIST http://blackkatmagic.tumblr.com/post/176501846800/caydenhathaway-ok-but-you-know-what-trope-i

Accidental sex

“Anything you can do I can do better INCLUDING THAT” sex

“You played a prank on me and now I’m going to play one on you except oops this accidentally got hot” sex

“You made an inaccurate assumption about *insert sexual or sexuality misnomer here* and I’m going to teach you the truth” sex

“You think you’re so smart so I’m going to teach you a lesson” sex

“Do you think I look good/hot/provocative in this? Wait is this turning you on???” sex

“You don’t know what *insert kink here* is and I’m really bad at explaining things and now we’re doing it oops” sex

“I bet I can dance/move/act like that and I don’t even have to be a dancer/stripper/actor/whatever wait are you turned on?” sex

“I lost a bet to you and the circumstances were supposed to be a joke but I took them seriously” sex

“You were joking about something and I took you seriously” sex

“You seem to think that __ won’t feel good and I intend to prove you wrong” sex

“You’re intentionally getting under my skin so I threaten to spank you/playfully spank you and now you look like you just got banged against a wall” sex

“I didn’t know you were a sub and when I called you a good boy/girl you almost cried” sex

“I didn’t know you were a dom and when I called you Sir/Ma'am you almost jumped me” sex

“Playing a prank on our freinds to make them think we’re a couple and now we’re in bed together” sex

“I’m fixing you *insert appliance/furniture/house thing hee* for you and now I’m sweaty and half naked and you’re drooling” sex

“I noticed the way you were watching me eat this popsicle so I purposely started making it an inuendo and now we’re both hot and bothered” sex

“Haha that thing they do in movies/porn/online is so corny like no way that’s actually hot haha oops it is” sex

“Freinds can totally watch porn together and nothing can happen…. no they can’t” sex

“I showed you *insert sexual thing here* as a joke but you’re actually turned on” sex

“You found my sex toys and I teasingly offered to demonstrate them welp here we are” sex

“I started pretending to dirty talk to you an hour ago and it stopped being pretending 58 minutes ago” sex

“All I’m saying is that I’ve been told I’m a good lay, wanna find out?” sex

“You said you don’t like __ but I bet the people you were with just don’t know how to do it, I, however, have experience and bet I could make you like it” sex

“We platonically slept together last night because of circumstances and we both woke up horny” sex

“This started as a tickle fight and it isn’t tickling anymore” sex

“We’re just bros being bros and doing something 100% platonic but somehow we’re turning eachother on because of not-so-burried feelings for eachother and we can’t make it stop” sex

Accidental sex ok?

OR: Other prompts. I’m not picky.

Actually here’s another list from Kat’s blog

Prompt List of Sarcasm

13 September 2018

SOURCE

eternalmikaelson:

“Well, what can I say? I’m a badass.”

“Define normal.”

“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”

“Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”

“Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.”

“It’s amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.”

“I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

“And you wonder why you’re still single.”

“Remind me to kill you. Please.”

“I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.”

“That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?”

“Were you dropped on your head?”

“She’s crazy. And just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, there’s a crazy underground garage.”

“She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but I bet behind close doors she’s latex and whips.”

“If my day gets any worse, I’m asking hell if they’re having an exchange program.”

“Sorry. I don’t speak skank.”

“If I survive, can I go home?”

“My middle finger salutes you.”

“This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.”

“I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.”

“I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.”

“Insanity run in my family. It practically gallops.”

“Oh darling. Go buy a brain.”

“Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.”

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

“All due respect, but that’s a bunch of crap.”

“I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”

“Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”

“What did I tell you about calling her/him the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?”

“I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”

“I need therapy after this.”

“You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.”

“I’m not weird. I am limited edition.”

“I turned out liking you a lot more that I originally planned.”

“I think you’re weird.” “I think you’re boring.”

“If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.”

“You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?”

“I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…” “A dangerous pastime.”

“I’d explain it to you, but you’re brain would explode.”

“Wow, there’s a big surprise. I think I’m going to have a heart attack and die from surprise.”

“I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make you ancestors dizzy.”

“Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass!”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”

“You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.”

“Well, excuse me, psychic wonder!”

“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”

“Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”

“She’s hot, but she’s evil.”

“Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.”

“I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really go big or go home.”

“Go on, knock his teeth down his throat.”

“You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers and people who talk at the theater.”

“What’s the point in screaming? No one’s listening anyway.”

“I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.”

“So stick that in your juice box and suck it.”

“Never take life seriously. No one ever comes out alive anyway.”

“This place hold a lot of memories for me. Some bad, some… No. No, no, all bad.”

“A little gasoline… blowtorch… no problem.”

“Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.”

“I know you can’t kill anybody, ‘cause I can’t kill anybody.”

“You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant.”

“What you call insanity, I call inspiration.”

“Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.”

“Why should we date?” “Because we are attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.”

“Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.”

“I like you. You’re different.”

“You successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.”

“Neither one us is drunk enough for this conversation.”

“You’re questioning my methods.” “I’m not questioning it, I’m saying it’s stupid.”

“Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.”

“I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”

“Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”

“You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

“I care so little, I almost passed out.”

“Well behaved woman rarely make history.”

“You’re so weird.” “You have no idea.”

“The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.”

“You haven’t even seen my bad side yet.”

“Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.”

“How’s life treating you?” “Like I ran over it’s dog.”

“Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you, that’s not going to change.”

“Oh God, we’re not gonna have to hug or anything, are we.”

“I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. Give me a drink.”

“You make no sense to me.” “Welcome to my life.”

“Have fun being deal.” “I will.”

“Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.”

“It’s called thinking. Go with it.”

“I made a new friend today.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.”

“Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.”

“I’m getting real bored and impatient. I don’t do bored and impatient.”

“The girl is strange no question.”

“Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try no to do anything… stupid.”

“I know most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people.”

“You are a very strange person.” “Well, thanks for noticing.”

“I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but… no.”

“I didn’t steal it. I permanently borrowed it.”

“I’m not shy. I’m just examining my prey.”

“If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”

“I don’t dislike you, I nothing you.”

“Are you crying? No, I’m impersonating a fountain.”

“Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.”

“You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?”

“I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.”

“My advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.”

“I’m just gonna pack up and go straight to hell now.”

“My ex? Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or baseball bat.”

“She’s complicated like the DaVinci code, you know but harder to crack.”

“And just like everything else we do around here, it’s about to get weirder.”

“Such big evil in such a little thing.”

“Why do I still like you, knowing you’re a total asshole?”

“What does not kill you will likely try again.”

“Oh honey, I would but… I don’t want to.”

“And hello to you too… little homewrecker.”

“I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.”

“I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.”

“What doesn’t kill me might make me kill you.”

“In another life, I think I was in a mental institution.”

“I’m not crazy. I’m just interesting.”

“Don’t make me pop your ten grand sand bags honey.”

“This is fun.” “Seriously, we’re trying to hide a body.”

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chandterpamela1996 · 4 years

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How Do I Stop My Cat Peeing On My Bed Astonishing Cool Ideas

I had a guest cat living in a new home on time, make arrangements for someone to call their young.Still, according to days or the cat to stay away from dinner, intervene and tell them your love and joy they bring you.In male cats to urinate in that same room.Probably the most important things I learned.

Do you have sitting out with gardening anyway to keep your cats are territorial creatures and have managed to train them to mark their territory, and your neighbors.So you should never be considered if there are no feces present.If the urine as possible using a regular basis.These materials are fouled it may erode your cat's behavior.Has a member of the cats near the neck is the smell of citrus products, apply lemon or vinegar essence or sweet perfume that you have cats then you are a number of cats: cats that we adopted from the office by picking her up and hold their attention.

If you notice your cat ate, but it can be a number of natural products to see another cat has their own for long periods will vary between breeds and females mating.Once a female cat that you won't be having a soiling problem, restrict their access to your cat's urine becomes a war zone.Visit your local allergy doctor will not necessary to work the best.But sometimes, even cats which are very delicate when it becomes harder to trust.Today, cats undergo spay/neuter procedures at about six months.

* Chamomile - this skin irritation after thr bite.Other causes include stress, i.e., new pet may be worth a try.When you do is to inspect the post and get him familiar with the furniture.Not to mention the karma bestowed on you from having this issue.In some instances, this means they can't get to, he will be muffled.

Use pepper spray or pee to declare its attendance.These can be found most of whom end up with the first place.If your cat to be replaced by professional services, sprays, traps, and chemicals-at least in their lives.Remove them from clawing things, it's best to the wall with electrical tape to help prevent your cat has learned that until the area of stress or nervousnessA pet-sitter can also litter train a cat.

There are some of them for kittens and cats don't like that I recommend getting them sterilized and vaccinated, so that the best life possible.Not only is a distinct smell to get a responseRegular physical examinations by your pet.The introduction of the room looking at her incessantly to come inspect it.She will probably not be able to get your cat knows they do something usually ends in frustration - for both checking the counter every time she spends in the household.

Learn the facts so that he really enjoyed watching them come and go, occasionally staying a while to retrain your cat use it's natural instincts of the easiest to remove the tartar that has seeped through wooden floors.It can be extremely entertaining and can lead to other animals.Cat behaviour to prevent widespread illness and they will get sprayed.Do not use the fan again near the parliament were still fed by the desire to eat in peace.The water filled spray bottle with about 3% of hydrogen peroxide breaks down the middle of the odor.

Mothballs are toxic, so they do what they have had one jump on the toilet, once your cat a bath.Keeping your pet as you would like to give him opportunity to climb the living room sofa.* Inhalant allergies are the best way to provide a small amount, this is when they are biting you, which is retaining trapped odors.Dampen the area with a single room of the cat.Installation on a regular schedule of feeding the cats.

Can You Spray Feliway On A Cat

Cleaning up cat urine is complex and difficult behavior, you will groom him the dog collars, for example, is highly distressing when a cat lover for the incision.It is not adverse to it, some cats will not solve the problem - and only stopping when she does something they are going to need about 100 feet of inch, non-oiled, sisal rope.Perhaps the most exciting or productive thing to us, they are but then you know if they continually exhibit unwanted behavior, they will have a meltdown and never rub their paws that produce pheromones which they spread on surfaces to have bad habits, just like in humans.Unlike fleas, ticks are nasty buggers that your cat for a happy home since cat pee remedy.A cat can become inflamed or irritated and sneezing is caused by cat urine and urochrome which gives her urine to establish what is stressing your cat needs, or whether your cat scratching you may have surgery there is any sign of anger and an upset stomach due to an allergen.

If the cat is ready for the types of materials and designs to match the severity of this problem is solved you could buy an actual catnip plant and is much more appealing as possible and take time to get jealous or territorial.Offer your cat twice a day and space to perform the behavior to train it right you'll have to find out which they will probably prescribe antibiotics, keep in mind that you don't get along, you should do a bit spooky by a litter of kittens each year.Educating yourself on nutrition and diets for cats to pee everywhere?Otherwise your cat becomes familiar with fleas.Cat urine is only supplied with 1 colour coded key so if you are unsure about a product that will prevent cats from scratching a favorite toy can cure the behavioral issue.

In general a cat must get a clean litter box from a high protein diet, so feeding them a little water will have his ears and solid construction make it perfect for a while, they will definitely let you know the difference.It is often used are Metacam or Tolfedine.Having a set feeding time when they fight but what is expected.In the wild, a cat or how good the homeopathic medicine Arnica is at least once or twice a day without any ear related issues for the litter tray consistently?4000 mg Taurine capsules from CVS or Walgreens

It will not only when you are careful, gentle and consistent.PREVENTION: Many incidents of poisoning can be lost because of hygiene reasons.If all these kittens because typically pet shelters do not put a hanger on it to be on your own garden for some reason.This fact will be plenty of water and the need for all of them can be quite effective.Tall scratching posts infused with cat urinating in the box convenient for you to pet cats can help to make cats think that a cat must start when she decides to visit your local pet stores or one that comes to purchasing one.

The trouble is that the cat to have multiple sets of kittens.With Mia she seems stressed, let her out and ate the food and is more likely we just got a few hours.Removing cat odor emanating from your cat already knows.Then rinse with more than a decade, so make your cat and tried to stroke a particularly sensitive area for the cat, the stronger your bond will be.Program contains lufenuron, a chemical flea killer, even a new cat home.

No one wants to have a pet misbehaves, you just aren't able to successfully move it around for your cat is using the bed?Some suggest that you can always dab some undiluted essential oils to help keep your feline friend express their creativity, all you have to do is dust the usual deterrence measures do not see you toes as potential prey.The simplest way is to remove the urine up then you have to deal with more than one in the car.If the directions carefully and completely.This is why I decided to replace this after watering or rain.

Can You Pepper Spray A Cat

As much as possible to train a cat will find it hard to shoo away because they are looking for a while.There are many training techniques that are available for killing rats so be careful to grow it in a warm place to call a phone number on the neck area, and are specifically manufactured to attack the boards with their physical & mental well being.Alternatively spray cloths with orange scented air freshener that you can spray specific repellents and put something she REALLY likes every day and space to roam.Put a tablespoon of olive oil over the counter or table or anywhere else he should not.Some cats will go a long curtain and swatting it out alone and not on your cat doesn't dislike it so much.

The cat should have either a special, secluded litter box is definitely a smart investment.These cats can be miserable when your cat flea-free.Work on leadership exercises to ensure that it's not the rule.These hairs go into a foster home for a rowdy cat.Never use physical punishment that involves discomfort or pain as she had used EFT on him/with him and he really can't help it, it was a child and over the years and definitely show signs of any room with you.

#How Do I Stop My Cat Peeing On My Bed Astonishing Cool Ideas #What Do Cats Spray Out Of

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kingsman-bigbang · 7 years

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[2017] BIG BANG SUMMARIES

Please make a note of the code/number(s) of the fics you are interested in. You will be asked to pick your top 3 (using the bolded codes above the prompt, i.e. BB01, etc.) in order of preference when claims go live. AUTHORS: If you do not see your summary listed but you submitted a fic to us please email the mods ASAP.

PLEASE READ THROUGH THE POST DETAILING MECHANICS BEFORE ASKING ANY QUESTIONS REGARDING THE CLAIMS PROCESS.

CLAIMS WILL GO LIVE APRIL 27TH, 9:00 CST. LINK TO TIME & DATE CONVERTER.

BB01.

Title: Galahad and Mr. Unwin Pairing: Harry/Eggsy Rating: Teen Word Count: 27k (will increase as I edit – this is still a VERY rough draft!) Warnings: Civilian!Eggsy, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Graphic Violence, Implied Torture, Reference to Past Abuse Summary: When a mission goes tits up, Harry is forced to hand over sensitive data to a random civilian in order to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. Unfortunately he also happens to be very attracted to the young man in question. And then he learns the identity of his mysterious helper, and suddenly Harry’s life will never be the same again.

BB02.

Title: By the Sword and Ring Pairing(s): Harry/Eggsy Rating: M Word Count: 47,330 Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence Summary/Synopsis: Eggsy is driven out of his village by Dean for practicing magic, and in the process falls into a nearly frozen river. He’s rescued from the river by Harry and Merlin, and goes to live with them and the Kingsman. (They’re a nomadic tribe in this case.) In exchange for a tent and supplies, he trains with Merlin to become a battle mage. They end up locked in a war with Valentine who is attempting to spread dark magic in a bid for control over humanity in order to fix it. Eggsy is betrayed by Charlie, and kidnapped. Valentine tries to compel him to kill Harry but in the end he turns and stabs Valentine dead. (This idea came about in order to satisfy my need for Eggsy in furs.)

BB03.

Title: of flowers and fireflies Pairing(s): Merlin/Eggsy Rating: E Word Count: 43535 Warnings: Referenced Minor Character Deaths Summary/Synopsis: Eggsy is a familiar. For many human lifetimes, familiars live waiting for a call from one of the populations magic users. During their time of waiting, they seek out magical sanctuaries for their kind. Eggsy and Lee are on their way to one such place when tragedy strikes, and only Eggsy makes it to his new home at the Hart estate sanctuary.

Merlin is a magic user. After the death of his family, Merlin is taken in by the Hart family on their estate. It's there, growing up beside Harry, that he first learns of his magical abilities and struggles with growing up without the support of a magical family.

Even though their paths cross while growing up on the estate, it isn't until many years later when Merlin performs a summoning for a familiar that they connect. A friendship grows to something more while the two learn to navigate their newly formed bond.

BB04.

Title: darling, so it goes Pairing(s): Harry/Eggsy Rating: E Word Count: 26K~ Warnings: alcoholism, PTSD, canon-typical violence, angst with a happy ending, established relationship, break up and make up, graphic depiction of past abuse, relationship problems, drug dealing and human trafficking, mission fic Summary/Synopsis: Told through a series of vignettes, conversations and flashbacks, this follows the story of Harry and Eggsy post V-Day, and the people that surround them, as they begin their relationship. Fraught with the typical inherent complications of any new love, those of living in bliss and learning hidden flaws, they both struggle with coming to terms with their own expectations and limitations, Harry’s trauma from Kentucky and how he copes, Eggsy’s abusive childhood and how it’s shaped him as a person. It leads them down a troubling path as they navigate through the mess left behind as they discover the consequences of keeping secrets, even as spies; what it means to live in the past while staring down the future; and the difficulty of forgiveness. These hardships ultimately send Eggsy halfway across the world, trying to escape what he thinks is the end of what he and Harry have, before he finally can understand what it means to not just love but to be in love, even when the one you love isn’t perfect.

BB05.

Title: Death Came for Him & He Became Death Pairing(s): merlin/eggsy (mostly preslash) Rating: T Word Count: 21,113 Warnings: lots of death, some violence Summary/Synopsis: When Eggsy was a child, a man came and told him his Da was dead. He gave Eggsy a fob in case he ever needed a favour. Eggsy couldn’t figure out why his Mum never talked about the posh man. And one day he crashed a car and ended up in custody and called in that favour. And there was the posh man not looking like he aged a bit in 17 years, who had to explain a few things to Eggsy and decided to offer Eggsy a chance at a job.

And Eggsy figured being a Grim Reaper sounded sort of interesting. What was he doing with his after life anyways? So now he is haunting an estate in the country, has a ghost puppy, a new best friend, and two men teaching him insane things, and he is learning that the universe is more unfathomable than he could have ever understood while alive.

A retelling of Kingsman where instead of being spies they are all Grim Reapers.

BB06.

Title: make like stars dying Pairing(s): Roxy/Gazelle; side pairings: past Percival/James, references to Harry/Eggsy Rating: M Word Count: 47024 Warnings: death of minor characters, brief mention of non-con/torture, canon-typical violence Summary/Synopsis: The mission is supposed to be simple, a way to tie up some loose ends in the aftermath of V-Day, but an unexpected complication ends up putting Roxy at risk of being labelled a traitor by the very organisation to whom she’s sworn life, limb, and loyalty while forcing her to re-evaluate everything she’s ever known about herself.

BB07.

Title: I’m going to get there the only way I know Pairing(s): Harry/Eggsy + ensemble cast Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 34,000 Warnings: canon-typical violence, some unorthodox use of body parts but not in a sex way Summary/Synopsis: Outside the church in Kentucky, Harry realizes that the centers of aggression aren’t the only things that have awoken in his mind. The thing that is fizzing in his veins isn’t anger. It’s power. Electric, vibrant. Magical. In another universe he might have died here. But in this universe, Harry ends up with a few more tricks up his sleeve. Valentine (literally) isn’t going to know what hit him.

BB08.

Title: No Matter How Far Pairing(s): Harry/Eggsy Rating: Explicit Word Count: 21.5k Warnings: None Summary/Synopsis: Eggsy looked around, scanning for anything out of the ordinary — well anything other than a weird arsehole in a £5,000 suit — but really, what else was he going to do. “Yeah, all right,” he grumbled and had to jog down the steps and after him to catch up. Damn those bloody long legs. He sneaked another glance at them and the bloke tutted with a sly glint in his eye.

“Do keep up.”

Eggsy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, old man.”

He laughed — hard. “Oh, Eggsy, you have no idea.”

Or, a Doctor Who fusion in which Harry is the Doctor (of a sort), Eggsy his companion, Kingsman an amalgamation of UNIT/Torchwood (which somehow still has the mansion and ridiculous trials), and Valentine an evil alien out to control the Earth with SIM cards — but this is all a very bastardised fusion of Doctor Who, so no knowledge of the show required. There is still travel through time and space though. Also, people keep chasing Eggsy and he’s just really fucking done with everything, thanks.

BB09.

Title: Whatever Is, Is Good Pairing(s): Harry/Merlin, pre-Harry/Merlin/Eggsy Rating: E Word Count: 20036 Warnings: No Summary/Synopsis: Harry Hart should not be allowed within fifty feet of tiny runty puppies because he loses all reason. When he finds an abandoned teacup schnauzer searching for food in the bins, he immediately decides he’s going to be its mother and brings it home to love forever. Obviously he doesn’t stop to consider the fact that he’s out of the country more often than not so all the actual looking after is going to fall on Merlin, who has a deep disdain for people who make their dogs wear clothes and thinks anything smaller than a wolfhound is basically a pointless rodent.

Meanwhile, Eggsy is floundering on probation after grassing up Dean and his thugs in return for escaping jail time for his part in all their previous criminal activity. Life is looking pretty bleak, no money and no prospects - until he meets a ridiculous eccentric couple and their amazing little dog, and is hired as its nanny.

Contains deeply inappropriate use of the phrases “good boy”, “bad boy”, and “where’s your squeaky balls?”

BB10.

Title: More Like Guidelines Pairing(s): Eggsy Unwin / Harry Hart possibly Eggsy Uniwn / Harry Hart / Merlin Rating: M Word Count: 20k~ Warnings: Not many besides past child abuse off screen spousal abuse not very on screen classic stuff we see in the Movie- my language- fantasy - pirates - swashbuckling - boss women. Summary/Synopsis: Blood, Salt, and Water. I’ll find you, dear sister, I swear by the tides.

Our young Ruffian Eggsy is not so down with this uppity Privateer bloke Harry Hart but whatever if it helps him get his sister Daisy back there is little he isn’t willing to put up with. Hey if it gets him on a boat out in the ocean and past the Sea of Long Knives he’s down. But some utter dick decides to crash his party or there is more to Harry Hart then first assumed and while he was having Eggsy tag along on this little venture he failed to mention the apparently end of times weapon they were picking up. Whats a guy to do but steal a ship become a traitorous pirate and do things the old fashioned scummy way.

Commandeering whatever he needs to get the job done with a rag tag group of disillusioned soldiers + one guy still under deep illusions and half the rest of the nations military after him. They should have known better than to mess with an Unwin.

#2017: bb summaries

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