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seehowsupplethespineis · 4 years

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19th Century Literary Misfits Go Vampire Hunting Because Van Helsing Said So

(Yeah, I wrote more. I can’t help it! There’s so much potential in their individual stories for wacky crossovers! Anyway, I hope you enjoy, my fellow 19th century literature nerds! If you want to know what this is all about, here’s the first story and the companion piece to that.)

(Characters include Van Helsing from Dracula, Moreau from The Island of Doctor Moreau, Griffin from The Invisible Man, Frankenstein from Frankenstein, Gray from The Picture of Dorian Gray, Hyde from The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Moriarty from one of the Sherlock Holmes stories, and Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment.)

(Note: When you see “<...>,” someone’s speaking Russian.)

(Warnings: Blood, violence, killing (not of a human), mentions of murdering innocents, nudity (Griffin gets naked but he’s, you know, invisible...))

A breeze swept through the night air, stirring the branches of nearby trees and causing old buildings to groan. Mist shrouded the city and dampened the ground, hanging on dew laden leaves. Every noise seemed mysterious and alien. A soft clicking joined the night sounds. It intensified as the cold winds brushed past an unseen shape, sending the coat it wore waving.

“C-Can we go b-back now?” The clicking stopped momentarily as a disgruntled voice arose. The arms of the coat wrapped themselves tightly about the invisible shape.

“Not yet, Griffin,” Van Helsing said, not taking his eyes from the open patch of ground in front of them where a lone man stood, “She’ll be here any moment.”

“Then c-can I go back?” The invisible man’s teeth chattered even harder.

“No, your invisibility may be of use to us.”

“For what? You s-said these things can smell blood!”

“You may still surprise her.”

“You only let me w-wear a coat! I’m freezing! And besides, w-we brought H-Hyde for all that fighting n-nonsense!”

Hyde lay concealed beside them. He looked up as they mentioned his name, “Is she here?” he asked excitedly.

“Not yet, but soon.” Van Helsing assured.

Hyde bounced up and down where he crouched, a devilish smile plastered to his face. When Van Helsing had enlisted his housemates’ aid in taking down one of the blood-sucking monsters he always went on about, Hyde had been the first to volunteer. Everyone had ended up going, though, under threat of eviction.

Moreau was the only one who’d also wanted to come; a being that could turn from human to bat was most certainly one he wished to study. The vivisectionist peeked with rapt attention out from behind the bushes they were concealed in.

Van Helsing had asked for a volunteer beforehand to lure the “vampire,” as he called it, in. Frankenstein had shrugged and offered himself as bait. For once, everyone was glad of the scientist’s morose attitude.

“What have I got to lose?” he’d said before trekking out into the open.

Now they all lay in wait. The vampire had been seen in this part of town over the past few days, so there was no reason to suspect it wouldn’t strike again tonight.

Moriarty sat further back from the rest, a blanket he’d brought keeping him from touching the filthy ground, “How much longer must we wait for an imaginary phantom?” he sighed, resting his hands primly on his knees.

Van Helsing turned to glare at him, “It is not imaginary. I have seen plenty of vampires in my time. We must deal with it before it has the chance to move on and turn some poor soul into one of its kind.”

“Let me get this straight,” Gray spoke up with a yawn, “some lady dies from, and I’m quoting you, ‘being drained of her blood by a bat each night,’ which means she must have become one of these vampires when she died, so we’ve got to reel her in, stake her heart, chop off her head, and stuff it with garlic?”

“Yes,” Van Helsing nodded, then froze, “Where is the garlic necklace I gave you?”

“I threw it into an alley somewhere back there,” Gray pointed vaguely back the way they came, “It smelled awful.”

“That garlic could very well have saved your life!” Van Helsing exclaimed angrily, “Now you have no protection!”

“We need no protection from phantasms, professor.” Moriarty scoffed.

Van Helsing glanced at him and sagged, “I see you got rid of your necklace as well!”

“I tossed it aside before Mr Gray did.”

The old man sighed in deep irritation and squinted into the shadows to the left of him, “<Rodion Romanovich, please tell me you kept your garlic.>”

Raskolnikov held the chain of vegetables up into the moonlight for Van Helsing to see. The old man sighed in relief.

“Dr Moreau? Did you dispose of your garlic?”

“No! I’m not an idiot like these two!” the vivisectionist shook his head, “I actually read up on vampires.”

So saying, he shook the garlic around his neck and returned to keeping watch.

Hyde looked at them all with surprise, “How come you guys didn’t eat yours?”

Everyone turned to stare at the crouched man, noting the cloves that had spilled on the ground around him and the empty twine still draped over his neck.

“You… ate yours?” Van Helsing said slowly with an eerie calmness belying his fury.

“Sure did!” Hyde affirmed, grinning.

The coat lying beside him jerked away suddenly, “Yeah, he did! I can smell it in his breath.”

“What’s the matter, air head?” Hyde asked, “Not a fan of garlic?”

He breathed out in Griffin’s direction and the scientist sputtered and crawled away, making Hyde giggle maniacally.

The invisible man gave an angry sigh and threw aside the garlic necklace around his neck, “Forget this! I’m going home!”

“You can’t! She might catch you!” Van Helsing protested.

“Anything’s better than this idiot!” Griffin said and stood to his full height.

Suddenly a pale woman was leaping from out of nowhere and tackling the unsuspecting scientist. Griffin fell to the ground with a cry of alarm and rolled out from the bushes.

“It’s the vampire!” Van Helsing had jumped to his feet the second he saw the creature descending and raised his stake of wood, “Attack!”

The vampire looked up as she saw there were others with Griffin. She dragged him back and lifted him by his coat. Confusion flashed across her face as she found no evidence of a neck.

This brief hesitation was all Hyde needed to spring on top of her, eliciting a surprised screech. Griffin shrugged out of his coat as her hold slackened and stumbled away, his trail marked by imprints in the damp grass.

Moreau and Raskolnikov followed Van Helsing’s lead while Gray and Moriarty hung back, utterly flabbergasted by the events unfolding before them. Then they were both diving for the remnants of garlic Hyde had left behind.

Frankenstein turned around as he heard the sounds of struggle behind him, to see Van Helsing, Hyde, and Moreau confronting a pallid woman of unearthly beauty who was snarling viciously. Raskolnikov dashed up, withdrawing his ax from a loop in his coat, once again holding it the wrong way. The vampire threw Hyde to the side just as Raskolnikov neared and pounced on the Russian, sending his ax tumbling into the short grass. Frankenstein snapped out of his daze and sprinted forward just as Van Helsing leveled his stake at the monster and Moreau lunged with another stake in hand.

Then the woman was changing, her limbs shrinking, ears growing, wings extending.

“She’s turning into a bat!” Van Helsing shouted as the vampire started to take flight, hissing at the garlic around Raskolnikov’s neck.

“Incredible!” Moreau cried, dropping his stake, eyes alight with joy as he watched the vampire ascend, “She’s marvelous!”

“Not now, Doctor!” Van Helsing yelled, though the situation was already well in hand.

Hyde hadn’t wasted a second and launched himself right off the ground. He grabbed the vampire by her wings and she shrieked in anger as they began to descend. The two landed with a crash back in the bushes. Moriarty and Gray scattered immediately with what little garlic they had collected.

The vampire rounded on Hyde and dove for his neck. Hyde opened his mouth and let out a long exhale right into her furry face. She choked and shrank away with a small scream, giving Van Helsing enough time to race over and stab the beast straight through its small chest. The screaming stopped instantly.

“<Quick, Rodion Romanovich!>” At the old man’s summons, Raskolnikov rolled to his feet, retrieved his ax, and brought it down on the bat’s neck, narrowly missing Hyde’s hand. Frankenstein proceeded to grab up the garlic still around the Russian’s neck and shove it into the severed head. Then they all sat back and stared.

Moreau pushed past them and knelt by the creature. He ran a finger along its limp wing.

He looked up after a few moments, “That was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen! To change from human to bat like that is… wow! I need to study the body!”

Van Helsing gestured tiredly, “Be my guest.”

Moreau gave a small, almost childish squeal and gathered up the vampire pieces.

“I agree with with the doc!” Hyde said. He had twigs stuck in his long hair and scratches across his face, though none of it detracted from his smile of triumph, “Let’s do that again!”

“Where’d everyone else go?” Frankenstein interrupted, glancing around.

“They all ran off, apparently.” Van Helsing replied.

“Not everyone.” The four gathered all looked about them, seeing no one.

The discarded coat lifted itself off the ground and slowly filled out as Griffin put it back on. “I’d yell at you for nearly getting me killed or vampire-ized but I’m freezing c-cold so can we go home now?”

“Yes, Griffin, we can go home.” Van Helsing said and struggled to stand up from the grass he was seated in. Raskolnikov bounced to his feet and offered a hand. Smiling, the professor accepted the help.

The six of them trudged back to their house. Only Moreau seemed to have a spring in his step, eager to return to his lab. Frankenstein glanced over the other scientist’s shoulder, clearly interested. He forcefully drew his gaze away, though; he felt tremendous guilt any time he had any sort of scientific curiosity and wouldn’t tell anyone why.

Van Helsing glanced at the ax in Raskolnikov’s grip, “<That ax of yours has been handy to us on more than one occasion, but I must ask, why do you have it?>”

Raskolnikov was suddenly very pale. His shoulders tensed and he lowered his gaze, then lifted it with new resolve and a wan smile, “<You never know when you might need it.>”

Van Helsing nodded, “<Right.>”

Raskolnikov gave a small, spasmodic laugh and hurried forward.

They met up with Moriarty and Gray back at the house. Both tried to appear calm and collected, though there was obvious fear in their eyes.

“You, er, disposed of it, then?” Moriarty asked, eyeing the dead bat spilling blood on Moreau’s hands.

“Yeah, now move!” Griffin shoved past the professor and threw himself beside the fireplace, flinging his damp coat away.

“Do you believe me now, gentlemen?” Van Helsing asked, just a touch smugly.

“Guess so…” Gray murmured.

Moriarty shifted uneasily, “In light of the new evidence, it would be foolish to say no.”

Moreau sprinted past them and up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door shut. Frankenstein watched wistfully after him and walked slowly to his own quarters. Moriarty and Gray made hasty excuses and retired. Raskolnikov seemed to have suddenly become ill and moved jerkily to his room, bidding a faint “<Good night>” as he left.

Hyde brushed off his hat and moved back toward the door, “Well, I’m off! The night is young and there’s a whole world of mischief to explore!”

“Please don’t kill anyone!” Van Helsing implored, “It’s getting harder to calm the mobs!”

“Don’t you worry your big head, professor! I won’t kill anyone-”

“Thank-”

“-important.”

“What?”

“Maybe some homeless vagabond or lowly shop owner. Or perhaps a baby! Just kidding! I’m not that much of a monster. Or am I? I’ll see when I get there!”

He threw open the door and started hopping away before Van Helsing could protest, “See ya tomorrow maybe!”

Van Helsing heaved a deep sigh, “Please be Jekyll tomorrow…”

“He’s usually Jekyll in the daytime so I wouldn’t worry.”

Van Helsing jumped and spun toward the fireplace, “Oh, Griffin! I didn’t…” he trailed off.

There was a short pause before Griffin spoke again, in a quiet, intense voice.

“Didn’t what?”

Van Helsing glanced sheepishly at the floor.

“Say it.” Griffin prompted.

Van Helsing looked up to where he figured the voice had come from, “... see you.”

“That’s what I thought.” There was a shuffling as Griffin got to his feet, “Good night.”

Van Helsing winced, berating himself for his slip up. The stairs creaked as Griffin went up them, leaving the professor alone. Or maybe not; Griffin was known to pretend to go upstairs only to remain on the first floor to spy on everyone else.

With that thought in mind, Van Helsing shivered and retreated to the study for some reading before bed, closing the door behind him.

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