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artificialqueens · 5 years

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I'm going to help you, I promise [Branjie] - Anonymous

AN This is the same day Brooke opened up about her anxiety with showing her feelings to Ru. Vanjie comes to visit her after because she doesn’t talk the whole van ride home. The characters are real but the stories obviously aren’t. Pronouns change throughout just cause. TW for panic attacks and self harm.

Vanessa got in for the day, and quickly as she could showered and got in her sweats. Worried sick about Brooke she took no time in sneaking out of her hotel room and round. Luckily by this point security had lessened up, knowing that the girls wouldn’t try anything. As she climbed the stairs she to Brooke’s room above she thought of all the things that could be wrong. Was Brooke breaking it off? She couldn’t be surely, she initiated most of it.

As Vanessa got to Brooke’s door she listened to see if she could hear his familiar snores, not wanting to wake him. What she heard instead was a muffled sob, of someone who clearly doesn’t think there’s anyone nearby but know if they cry too loudly the next room will hear.

Knocking the door quietly Vanessa takes a deep breath. A minute passed, then a few more. Fuck it, she decided, opening the door anyway. What she found broke her heart. Brooke was sitting on the floor at the bottom of her bed in just her underwear clutching a pillow to her chest. Her knees tucked up into her, making the 6ft queen look so small. Her body shook with sobs as she tried to gasp for air. Vanessa tried to open her mouth, to say something to comfort her lover but no words seemed to form and all she could feel was shards of glass stabbing her in the chest.

Choosing actions over words Vanessa slowly sat down next to Brooke, and gently touched her arm to let her know she was there. Brooke instantly flinched, then relaxed as she looked up at who it was. Her face was red and blotchy, her chest rising and falling so fast she could’ve just run a marathon. Vanessa pulled her hand up to her chest and placed it on the cold flesh, “copy me baby.” But the more Brooke tried to breathe the harder it felt. Vanessa gave her time, before moving to sit directly opposite Brooke.

“Look at me.” She said softly, “I know it feels like you can’t breathe, and that this will never end but you’re going to be ok. You strong, amazing, beautiful man Brock. You’ve got this, keep trying for me. In.. and out..” Brooke kept trying, pushing through the burn in her lungs. “Well done baby, keep going.” Vanessa reassured her, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Keep going.” After a few more minutes Brooke was nearly back to her normal state of breathing, and her tears were falling more gently. The sobbing had stopped and they sat in silence.

“Do you want to talk baby, or get into bed?” Brooke nodded. “Both?” She nodded again. Vanessa stood up first, and Brooke followed, pushing herself up way to quickly. The dizziness caused her to grab hold of the smaller boy, “sorry.” Vanessa smiled, glad that words were coming out of her mans mouth, “it’s ok, come on.” Vanessa let him lay down first, then slotted herself around him, pulling his head onto her chest. The arrangement looked cute at the top half of their bodies, but Vanessa’s feet stopped at Brooke’s calf. Still, Brooke was calm.

“What’s happened baby?” Vanessa asked, rubbing circles on his back to remind him that he is looked after and safe. “Panic attack.” “I know that, do you get them normally?” He nodded. “Usually Nina, or Courtney or someone stops them before they get that bad.” Brooke sighs. It breaks Vanessa even more to know that he’s been sat here on his own trying to fight the panic. “Medications in the red bag, always the first one at the top.” He whispered, making Vanessa feel guilty for that not being her first thought. He always has that red fannypack. “I’m so sorry baby I should have thought.” “No no, thank you. I don’t like taking it, makes me sleepy. No one ever stops them like you did then.” He confessed. Brooke feels so much calmer, almost sleepy. Usually Courtney would see him start to panic and quickly give him a pill, which would then make him feel very spaced out. He’d just want to sleep but it wouldn’t come to him, whereas now he could easily drop off in his lovers arms.

Vanessa sighs, and kisses Brooke, more for herself than him. She needed to know that he was ok, and if he’s kissing her then he must be getting back to normal. “Do you want to talk about what caused it?” Brooke dips his head instantly, wanting Vanessa to know everything, but in turn not wanting to burden him or scare him away. “If you want to know.” Brooke says quietly. “Baby I want to know everything about you, the good the bad and the ugly. Although there’s no ugly. But you get my gist.” Brooke chuckles.

“It was a bad day. But it wasn’t. Ru just made me panic earlier. I held it in all day but there’s only so long I can keep it in.” He sighed. “What did he say?” Brooke didn’t realise that Vanjie didn’t see him cry in the work room. “He asked me about my feelings and stuff. I just don’t like letting people in, especially if I know it’s being filmed.” Vanessa smiles at that, “you let me in sometimes.” Brooke sighs, “yeah, it’s cause I love you.” She leans up and kisses her, “I know. I love you too. So why didn’t you say anything? Or take your pills when you got in here.” Fuck, the question Courtney and Nina always ask. ‘Why don’t you take your pills if you know it’s gonna happen?’ Is always Courtney’s response when she sees any new injuries. Well Courtney, Brooke thought, I’d much rather hurt myself than numb it all out. “I usually fix it another way at home.” Brooke sighed. Vanessa furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to why she didn’t fix it this time. “How?” Fuck, Brooke thought, can I trust her? Of course you can stop being stupid. “I usually cut myself.” Vanessa lifts her hand to her mouth, taking in a sharp breath. “Brock what?” Vanessa’s eye’s tear up and she grabs Brooke’s hands, turning her arms over. “Where? Why?”

Vanessa start’s crying properly now, not a sobbing cry, a completely heartbroken quiet cry. “Not my arms, I couldn’t, have people see? No no. It stops the panic. I couldn’t find anything today.” She lifts her hands up and wipes Vanessa’s tears, “don’t cry for me Papi, please.” Vanessa looks up, trying to stop her tears. “I just wish I could help.” “You do help! No one has ever got it to stop like that, if I don’t have my medication or I haven’t hurt myself it just keeps going for hours till I pass out.” Vanessa forces a smile. “I’m never leaving your side then.” “You don’t have to watch me ok?” Brooke says. “Brooke Lynn, I will follow you around if it stops you hurting yourself. Can I see? Do I even want to see?” Brooke sighs, “You can, it’s not pretty.” If she doesn’t see she’ll always be curious, and it’s better to see it now that during something more intimate right. Brooke kicks the covers off of herself and sits up on her knees, exposing her thighs to Vanessa, who has never seen them. Brooke always goes behind the screen to pad and then leaves with her tights on covering them. The scars in the low light of Brooke’s room are more shadows, but you can see the individual bumps and the changes in colour from the new ones to the old ones. Vanessa tries not to gasp. “How long?” She asks, “since I was 15” Vanessa clings onto him, burying her head in his neck. “I’m going to help you I promise.” And for the first time, Brooke believes it.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #nina west #courtney conquers #branjie #angst #tw self harm #tw panic attacks #submission #s11 #canon compliant

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