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kiruuuuu · 5 years

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Buck/Fuze oneshot (?) in which there’s a broken sink, almost a broken heart, and no broken bones (but only because Kapkan had no say in the matter). (Rating M, fluff/humour/very light angst/a little sexy, ~4.8k words) - written for @yovelie! Thank you so much for commissioning me, this was a blast to write ❤ Find my commission info here!

This has also been posted to AO3, and here’s a link 💞

Buck returns home to a dirt-streaked Fuze lying on the kitchen floor, soft curses in his mother tongue half swallowed by the cupboard into which he’s shoved most of his torso in order to either repair their sink or alternately turn the awfully cramped room into a questionably functional swimming pool. He’s so engrossed in his task that Buck dropping his bag of groceries onto the table makes him jump, hit his head and increase the volume of his swears.

“Is it broken again?”, the Canadian wants to know superfluously, but maybe striking up a conversation will distract Fuze from his imminent headache. A disgruntled noise is his reply. “The only thing missing from this being a Sims household at this point is the spontaneous combustion.”

He doesn’t need to see Fuze’s face to know he’s grinning: the torch he’s holding between his teeth slips slightly and lets him know of the Uzbek’s amusement. “Is craftsmanship in your home country as shoddy as here? You’d think most English plumbers were born with feet for hands.”

“Are you telling me it’s better in Russia? What about Maxim’s story about his uncle’s pipes exploding in the middle of summer?” Buck hasn’t yet started unpacking because he’s too caught up in the view before him – Fuze is wearing a grey wifebeater which is just as greasy as he is, and together with the loosely fitting sweatpants and naked feet he really is a sight to behold. For a moment, one of his arms comes into view, tan skin sweaty and melting Buck’s knees slowly but surely. Fuze’s solid body is distracting enough even without it being presented on a silver platter like this.

“You’re forgetting that he hails from a long line of dumbasses”, comes the murmured reply, making Buck snap out of his reverie with a laugh.

“Well, fortunately at least he fell far from the tree.” A prolonged silence. Buck grins. “Come on, are you really throwing your friends under the bus like this?”

“Don’t tell anyone. But yes, I heard a story of someone fixing their power line with a fork. To my knowledge, it’s holding up to this day.”

“If you start wrapping our sink in sellotape, I’m calling a professional”, Buck threatens and finally turns to the reusable bag, starting to put away the foodstuffs he bought. In the process, he has to step over Fuze several times and barely avoids getting tripped, lightly kicks him in this ass in retaliation and thinks he hears a chuckle. “Our kitchen is too fucking small.” It’s a complaint both of them have uttered many times before.

“I wouldn’t mind so much if its infrastructure wasn’t totally screwed up. And by the way, I’m covering this.”

“What, the shopping?” A grunt. “No, not this time. Most of it is for me anyway, you never have breakfast.” This conversation, too, is familiar and they repeat a variation so regularly for it to become annoying enough to warrant establishing a proper system – and yet they still haven’t done so. It’s as if fighting about who gets to pay for groceries is a game they both enjoy playing, even if the outcome is usually muddled and probably works out fifty-fifty in the long run but neither of them can really be sure. The rent, water, heating, all of it they split evenly but food remains a topic of debate.

“I asked you to get some of my vodka though.”

“Yes, but they didn’t have it.”

A disbelieving pause. “So you bought nothing?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I got a different one.” Which cost noticeably more than Fuze’s favoured brand, but Buck is not about to tell him. Movement catches his attention and he interrupts his stocking of the fridge to look over to where Fuze is crawling out from under the sink: his hair is damp and sticking up, a dark streak dirtying his cheek and stubble visible, betraying a day off work. His own personal smell is triumphing over whatever cursed product he normally uses to mask it and it drives Buck wild, makes him forget whatever it is he was doing and instead stare at Fuze’s heavy, attractive and most of all masculine form.

Without even a single glance at Buck, Fuze unselfconsciously reaches for the bottle of clear liquid and reads the label, unhurried and unaware of the effect his naked, almost unnoticeably paler upper arms are having on Buck; he’s exuding a kind of energy to which Buck is painfully receptive. If anyone asked him a few years ago about his ideal domestic kind of wet dream, he’d have no answer, but now all he’d do is point at the man in front of him.

Fuze unceremoniously opens the bottle and takes a long swig and Buck nearly has to sit down because his brain is too preoccupied with the line of Fuze’s throat, the bobbing of his Adam’s apple as he swallows and the lack of care about arbitrary social norms to focus on ensuring his legs don’t buckle under him. Raw, unadulterated desire roars in his ears and deafens him, makes him miss Fuze’s verdict entirely.

When he receives no response, Fuze finally looks over and understands immediately what must be embarrassingly visible on Buck’s face as he smiles, lazy, self-satisfied, flattered. “Is it the undershirt?”, he wants to know, voice slipped an octave lower and of a decidedly more gravelly quality. Buck is starting to come apart at the seams.

“It’s the everything”, he replies hoarsely.

And he’s so, so grateful that the times when a concession like this would’ve left Fuze uncomfortable instead of smug are over. It was a few long months, filled with uncertainty and awkward silences, and he fought so hard to get to where they are now. To the point where Fuze’s grin turns predatory as he stalks towards Buck. He absent-mindedly closes the fridge door and steps back, pretends to retreat from Fuze’s advances until the windowsill digs uncomfortably into his back. He awkwardly puts down the yogurts he’s been holding, just in time to throw his arms around the Uzbek crowding into his personal space. A deep inhale muddles his mind further as Fuze’s smell is much more intense up close, his collarbone too inviting for him not to lick a broad stripe over the salty skin and hum contentedly at the taste.

Fuze seems happy with simply standing there, allowing Buck to lavish him with caresses, cover his skin in eager kisses and grope him unashamedly and this, too, is a success. “I need to buy a spare part down at the hardware store”, he mumbles into Buck’s hair and stretches into blunt hands exploring his torso under the wifebeater, fingers digging into his abs.

Buck nods, understands what he’s really saying and relents. Not now, is Fuze’s implication, but his body language adds: But I want it too, later. They kiss, languid and sloppy, the sharp tang of vodka unexpectedly welcome and helpful in grounding Buck. If there’s anything he’s learnt over the past year, it’s to give Fuze space when he demands it. “Then go”, he says softly and without reproach after they’ve separated. His want is transforming into deep adoration which leaves him just as breathless as his need did. Now and then, Fuze is in a mood and takes control, rides with abandon and clenched teeth, less vocal and quieter than normal but merciless. The look he shoots Buck before withdrawing lets him know that he is in one of these moods today, will refuse to let Buck do all the work for once.

“Otherwise the sink will never stop dripping”, Fuze adds with an indication to the opened bottle of alcohol, “and how else am I going to dispose of this swill?”

His laughter echoes in the hallway after he catches sight of Buck’s outraged expression, and half a minute later he’s gone, still without socks in his shoes and probably sporting a semi but he’s too practically-minded to worry about either of these things. It’s one of the reasons why Buck has become so enamoured with him: his efficiency and dislike of anything needlessly complicated or fancy resonate with Buck’s own views. They moved in together to save money, have worked out a system of who does which chores and stick to it religiously, and it’s functioning wonderfully.

Buck finishes his task while singing to himself, some catchy tune Frost was playing on her phone earlier, and realises not for the first time how happy he really is in their bubble. At work, the two of them generally hang around their own friends, but the rest of the time belongs to them and he feels like they’re putting it to good use. Daydreaming about what Fuze is going to let him do to him, the ringing phone registers almost too late.

And once the person on the other end has said a few words, he almost drops it, scrambles to leave immediately and while he does so, suddenly remembers once more how all of this started.

“You could’ve died.”

Buck is at his wit’s end and the mindless repetition of something he’s been told numerous times today into the cool space separating him from one of his colleagues-turned-reluctant-friend-recently-turned-nuisance isn’t helping in lightening his mood. He doesn’t know why Fuze insists on following him around without stating clearly what it is he wants – he already got an apology, a rundown of how and why the mission went sour and an admission that yes, he’s indeed right in his assessment. Buck could’ve died today. And inexplicably Fuze won’t leave him alone because of it.

“But I didn’t”, he replies patiently, gently rocking the canopy swing on which he’s perched. He hoped for a minute of peace, wanted to fiddle with his phone to calm down from the earlier excitement of a successful hostage rescue, wanted to enjoy the unusually cold Nevada night by himself.

“But you could’ve”, Fuze maintains stubbornly, not moving an inch from where he’s standing in the breeze, a shirt apparently warm enough for him. Even Buck has donned a light jacket. They’re outside their motel, the others congregating in different places.

“Sit down.”

He does. Carefully sinks onto the wooden bench a laughable distance away but at the very least gives in to Buck’s rhythm of back and forth, back and forth. They’ve begun interacting more as of late, Buck couldn’t even say what the catalyst was, and now that he’s become better at reading the Uzbek’s silences, his mild expressions, between the lines he utters, he’s appreciative of his uncomplicated company. Irritating him is easy and amusing, genuinely upsetting him hard, and entertaining him worthwhile – Buck prides himself in his ability to befriend anyone he sets his mind to, but with Fuze there was surprisingly little resistance. He’d even call his efforts reciprocal.

Right now, however, he’s being an idiot and Buck doesn’t know why. Something is on his mind and the only obvious explanation is the nearly botched mission. “We were successful. We did it. Why does it matter if I almost kicked the bucket?”

“I don’t know.” The lilting accent always becomes more forceful and pronounced when Fuze is troubled. “That’s the point. I don’t know.”

Buck frowns in confusion. “What do you -”

“I want to know why it bothers me so much.”

They stop. Wind carries over the echo of someone’s laughter though it sounds haunting rather than contagious. “I do consider you my friend”, Buck tries, “and I’d also be upset if you got hurt.”

“No.” The word is final, decisive. Fuze has thought about this, is getting angry that Buck doesn’t understand. “Sasha got hurt last time, Timur before that, it’s part of the job. They don’t do the same things.”

“The same things?”

“To me.”

He forgets how to breathe. Automatically, he nearly asks what do I do to you but they’ve reached a point where it’s obvious and he needs to decide: go down this path and gently coax it out of him or… or not. Squash his hope before it blossoms.

The Uzbek isn’t looking at him, has started swinging them slightly again, gaze on the folded fingers in his lap. His general determination wavers rarely and makes him seem sure of himself, but right now he looks helpless and frustrated. Probably dissatisfied with what he can’t control. Of all the people Buck knows, Fuze is the only one he’d call honourable – moral, yes, most of them are reputable too, but none of them track so meticulously what they owe others in order to repay them like he does, most of them do allow certain deviations from established rules where Fuze doesn’t for himself. Never has. In his heart, he carries around values which form the foundation of all his actions and interactions and he adheres to them.

And isn’t this the whole problem? The fact that Fuze himself is now deviating from one of his core beliefs? Doesn’t this explain his worried side glances, all the times he flinched when Buck accidentally touched him, the way he hovers around Buck like someone who fails to find the right words?

“Can I… touch you?”, Buck wants to know quietly and waits, reaches out when he receives no answer. Only reluctantly does Fuze surrender one of his hands, leaves it balled into a fist even as Buck strokes the back of it. It’s remarkably warm, a welcome source of heat in Buck’s palms and slowly, slowly he massages it to relax, uncurls Fuze’s fingers, interlaces them with his own and simply holds it. A small sun, just for him.

He knows Fuze is undyingly loyal. Accepting him is a responsibility Buck isn’t sure he can carry and so he asks: “Can I sleep on it?”

Fuze’s fingers twitch but he doesn’t pull them back. Concern is written on his face and he still hasn’t returned Buck’s gaze. “I didn’t – I wasn’t sure you’d consider -”

And he looks so lost that this is the moment that Buck knows: even if he goes to his room with the intent to mull it over, he’ll stay for five minutes at most before rushing out to knock on Fuze’s door. So he might as well not bother at all.

When Buck barges into the hospital room, Fuze’s scowl drowns out the sunshine with its ferocity. He’s sitting upright on his bed, a stained bandage wrapped around his head and a flustered nurse by his side who seems to have missed her vocation as overzealous talk show host who asks decidedly too many questions.

“Bastien, finally, please tell this woman that it’s perfectly normal for me not to know which weekday it is”, Fuze addresses him and doesn’t even try to hide his annoyance, much like the nurse next to him.

“We have odd working hours”, Buck reassures her. “Which date is it today?”

“25th of May.”

“Anything else you need to know?” The woman merely rolls her eyes and storms out of the room, leaving them alone and allowing Buck to breathe freely again. “Are you alright?”

“Some fucking idiot ran me over and gave me a goddamn concussion, of course I’m not alright”, Fuze spits back and reaches up to his wound, sighs when Buck catches his hand halfway. “I can’t see straight, I’ve got the worst headache of my life and I have absolutely no confidence that you’ll be able to repair the sink even if I gave you detailed instructions.”

This is when the last of Buck’s worry dissipates, accompanied by a genuine laugh. When he received the call about Fuze being in hospital, his insides twisted and he almost caused another accident on the way here, but seeing the irritated Uzbek and being met with his dry sarcasm is refreshingly heartening. “I’d probably find a way to set the kitchen on fire, you’re right.” They both know he’s more than capable of fixing it but it brings Fuze joy to tinker around in their flat and who is Buck to take this away from him?

They chat for a few more minutes, Fuze outlining how the accident happened and ranting a little more, much to Buck’s delight – he usually suffers in stoic silence, so him opening up and complaining is a good sign Buck welcomes. Still, whenever he expresses worry, Fuze waves him aside as he’s wont to do. Despite how far they’ve come, expression of feelings remains uncomfortable to him. He jokes about how he had to explain that all the dirt on his arms and clothing had nothing to do with how far he flew but rather a broken sink and Buck only narrowly resists running his fingertips over the still stained, pronounced muscles.

Eventually, he promises to dip back home to fetch a few things to do as Fuze is required to stay the night and Buck wants to ensure he doesn’t start dismantling the various devices in the room, as well as spare clothing and toiletries. He’s about to head out when a hand closes around his wrist and holds him back, even pulls a little.

Cautiously, Buck allows the other man to hug his waist while not moving his head too much, and gingerly cards his fingers through dark hair during the short embrace. Fuze isn’t generally very physically affectionate, but any and all reminders of their own mortality bring out his clingier side. Not that Buck is complaining.

“Thanks”, Fuze murmurs into his shirt and the Canadian is pretty sure it’s not only the spare clothes for which he’s grateful.

Much more relieved and with a secret smile on his lips, he leaves the room and is in the middle of making a mental list of things to bring when he comes across three familiar faces in the hospital’s lobby.

He stops dead in his tracks. The three Russians stare at him.

“… how is he?”, Glaz eventually asks.

Buck isn’t sure yet why they’re looking at him as if he’d insulted their grandmother but feels his pulse quickening nonetheless. Even singularly, they’re intimidating, and together they’re downright terrifying. “He’s alright. Are you going to visit him?”

“That’s why we’re here”, Tachanka’s voice booms, “but we were just told to clear our visit with Shuhrat’s husband.”

Oh. Oh no.

“Well”, says Buck, panicking internally. “A funny mistake to make, isn’t it?”

“Because apparently for right now, only visits by close family members or spouses are allowed”, Kapkan adds without missing a beat, glaring a hole into Buck’s skull, “but his husband is apparently fine.”

Maybe he can run. The exit is behind them, but if he dodges Kapkan, he can -

“Don’t even think about it”, Glaz advises him politely and Buck just accepts his fate.

“Las Vegas”, Kapkan repeats, deadpan, apparently still not understanding it the third time whereas Tachanka continues his full-belly laugh which already made him sit down on the floor. By now he’s wheezing and suffering from oxygen deprivation, judging by the colour of his face and the receptionist’s worried glances in their direction. Glaz looks like he’s not sure whether to facepalm or simply leave.

“Yes”, Buck sheepishly confirms for the third time. “You remember that we stayed behind to do some sightseeing for a few days?”

“I can only imagine the fucking sights you saw between his legs”, Tachanka croaks and starts coughing from laughing too much.

“Why in the world would you get married though?”

Glaz’ disbelief does nothing to lessen Buck’s embarrassment. “It seemed like a good idea at the time?”

“How the fuck did you convince him to go through with it?”

“Well, he was going through an intense phase of euphoria and unhindered self-expression.”

“Also, he was piss drunk”, Tachanka translates helpfully and Buck nods with a grimace.

“I’m going to gut you”, Kapkan hisses and alright, it seems the niceties are over now.

“To be fair, I was also piss drunk”, he attempts to defend himself and watches a little helplessly as the murderous glint in the Russian’s eyes does not disappear.

“And this entire time everyone thought you were roommates.” For some reason, Glaz sounds disappointed.

“You’re not wrong. It’s a more… permanent arrangement though.”

“Divorce him.” All eyes land on Kapkan whose stony expression nonetheless betrays his anger. “You have no idea what the fuck you’re doing, you’re not in love, you’re not planning to stay together for the rest of your lives. It was a mistake. Haven’t you thought of the possibility that he’s staying with you out of a sense of duty, and not because he wants to?”

Of course he has, and not only once – but this is a thought which he didn’t allow to penetrate their bubble filled with lazy evenings and rare cuddling and occasional hour-long conversations, a bubble Buck protected with all his might and which now has burst to leave behind… not much, really. Getting his fierce denial rubbed in his face by one of Fuze’s closest friends, by someone who knows him well and understands his motives, is disillusioning, produces a bad taste in his mouth. The thought of having bound Fuze to himself purely through a drunken mistake they made together is uncomfortable. Not an achievement about which he’ll ever brag.

“You’re acting like he doesn’t have a brain of his own”, Tachanka starts berating Kapkan after having gotten up with Glaz’ help, but Buck stops him with a shake of his head.

“No, it’s – I’ll talk this through with him.”

He doesn’t talk it through with Fuze. That evening, he takes stock of their odd friendship he hesitates to even call relationship and tries to look at it from an outsider’s viewpoint. They’ve never brought up their spontaneous wedding again, merely drifted towards each other until Fuze moved in as a logical next step, and while they’ve been opening up to each other, there’s no way Fuze would actively want for their marriage to last. It’s a miracle he even let it go this far.

Another irate call from Kapkan convinces him that there’s really only one conclusion to draw, one decision to make, and so with a heavy heart, he makes it.

Fuze returns home two days later, occasionally colliding with a door frame and complaining about the staff which kept him for much longer than necessary, doesn’t mention the perfectly functional sink and immediately starts his ritual of clumsily seducing Buck with a series of thinly-veiled innuendos and pretty obvious gestures. The second time he bends down to pick something up, marvellous contoured backside directed at a highly amused Buck, he nearly faceplants and so Buck drags him to bed once he’s regained his balance. He makes love to him more gently than usual and swallows all the little noises Fuze makes, worships his body as if this was the last time he’d get to do so, and ignores the possibility that it might be. They gaze into each other’s eyes as they come, Fuze biting his own lip with such a reverent expression that Buck is overcome with a sudden surge of emotion prompting him to wrap himself around the Uzbek when they go to sleep and keep him in his bed instead of letting him escape to his own room.

The next day, Buck receives mail.

“Much better”, he informs Frost with a distracted smile. “His vision is still a little messed up and he’s voiced his intent to off the guy who hit him several times, but his usual sunny disposition is making a comeback.”

“I’m glad to hear it”, his teammates beams. “You were very worried about him, I could tell.”

“Yeah”, he confirms and tries his best to concentrate on their conversation which is ultimately hopeless. When he left this morning, he placed the papers on the kitchen table, impossible to overlook, but he’s heard nothing from Fuze so far. “He’s – yeah. I’m always worried.”

This earns him a warm smile and for a moment he considers whether Frost knows just how true his words really are and in which emotion they’re rooted. “And he’s back at work already?”

“No, he’s meant to stay at home for at least -” And suddenly, someone slams a stack of papers onto his table, right next to his lunch, nearly giving him a heart attack with the loud, unexpected noise.

“What”, Fuze says and points accusingly at the offending sheets, “the fuck.”

At first Buck doesn’t recognise them because they’re in an extremely sorry state, a corner burnt off, most of them crumpled in some way and potato peels as well as egg shells pieces clinging to the top one wetly as if the stack had spent an undisclosed time in the garbage. It’s not hard to figure out who maltreated the papers this way because Fuze is seething, not to mention that he drove to the base purely to toss them under Buck’s nose. “Let’s talk about this privately, shall we?”, he suggests and gets up to appease the furious Uzbek, knowing how much he hates scenes of any kind – and a half-full canteen certainly is the worst place to discuss the matter at hand.

“No. I’m not signing this. The hell is wrong with you?”

People are looking now. “Listen, it’s for the best and you know it. We didn’t really know what we were doing back then and I don’t want to hold you back in the future. I don’t want there to be a sense of obligation or -”

“No”, Fuze repeats coldly.

Frost isn’t the only one who’s following Buck’s hushed whispers with interest. “Please, be reasonable. It’s insane and the sooner we rectify -”

“There’s only one thing I need to know”, Fuze interrupts him, standing tall, chest puffed up and eyes boring into Buck’s, civilian clothing out of place and the sole focus of everyone’s attention at this point. “I’m bad with words, but I understand actions. I only sleep in my bed because the way you move around at night drives me insane, but if you want me to share your bed, I will. I don’t touch you all the time because just being in the same room with you makes me happy so it’s enough for me, but if you want me to do it more, I will. I don’t talk about how I feel because I’m scared and I don’t want to drive you away, but I trust you, so if you want me to try and do it, I will. But I need to know whether I misunderstood your gestures or not.”

He’s hurt. Buck realises too late that it’s not Fuze’s pride which he wounded but his feelings, his trust. He thought he’d set Fuze free while Fuze interpreted it as being cast away. “It’s not about that”, he begins to explain but Fuze once again doesn’t let him finish.

“Do you want to divorce me?”, the Uzbek asks loudly in case anyone present hasn’t caught on yet.

Buck shakes his head without hesitation. It’s the last thing he wants, if he’s honest.

Rather unceremonially, Fuze grabs his collar and smashes their mouths together, Fuze still with his bandage and in casual clothes, Fuze who tried to destroy the divorce papers in several ways before accepting their reality, Fuze who hates scenes and grand gestures and public displays of any kind, who told Buck to keep their entanglement a secret and convinced him to lie – just kisses him right then and there.

It doesn’t last long but leaves Buck breathless still, gasping for air and possibly more because Fuze rarely initiates their kisses. “Then we’re not getting a fucking divorce, end of topic”, Fuze snarls, “and buy some eggs when work is over, we’re out.” He snatches the stack off the table, turns on his heel and dumps it in the bin on his way out.

Buck’s face is burning hotly and he feels three pairs of eyes glaring daggers into his back. He doesn’t meet any of them.

“What are you waiting for?”, Frost wants to know, not at all looking surprised. “Go after him and apologise.”

The catcall trailing after him as he hurries towards the door behind which Fuze just disappeared does nothing to quell his embarrassment but doesn’t change his resolve either. He really should address a few fundamental topics with Fuze which he’s been avoiding ever since that fateful deployment in Nevada, he supposes, but right now all he wants to do is kiss him until they’re both light-headed.

#rainbow six siege #buck #fuze #buck/fuze #fanfic #commissions #I've come to love these two so much #thank you again for the rarepair request #this healed my soul and cleansed my mind #watch as I obsess about them for a bit now

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icharchivist · 5 years

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kay now i’m just huh bc of that post i reblogged so i’ll just add my two cents on d/a di/scourses and why i want nowhere near in it and feel free to ignore and even more to unfollow if it’s somewhat bad or anything but like,

(also please d/o/n’t re/b/log)

d/a di/scourse ultimately really fucks me up because 1) there’s a lot of it, especially in jokes that strench from far far away, I end up checking every blogs i reblog from bc i don’t want that near me 2) All side tends to have characters they like and dislike and be noisy about it and it’s very hard when down to it you just really love all the characters even when you don’t agree with them bc they’re fictional and i’m interested in the emotional reaction i get from them in game

but on a personal level it also fucks me up bc my mental health had been going bad and stuff are out of my controle, until i discovered D/A and the thing that had really, really helped me recover is that playing D/A asks me to use my skills i’ve learnt mostly to deal with my issues in a way i don’t find disagreeable (most precisely: how to weight what someone is telling you in order to not have it backfire at you) and stimulates my curiosity, passion and creativity in a way i hadn’t felt in forever. It makes me want to connect the dots, it makes me want to be involved, it makes me want to draw, to write again. (I started writting things again after 5 years and it’s so silly how it’s helping me out). Hell I started modding. I did an internship in a video game school on which I was actually pretty good and passionated bc just that had me make more research and understands more easily, so i started handling the logicials quickly for the timespawn and had a lot of cultural and technical knowledge backup just from swooping around trying to learn fun facts (and i would have got into this school easily bc i had a very good file but i lacked the money and my parents fucked it up, so i’m still extremely frustrated at that because I actually had really great chances to be taken in this school) It stimulates me in a way where I can healthily forget for two minutes that my world is crumbling, that for a moment it had me consider different future path, (see again up there), if there’s a path to recovery to be had it started with it.

I’ve known for years this fa/ndom was deemed toxic and I knew of the controversial characters by name before i started the game so i sillily paid more attention to them bc “how bad can they fuck up” only to realize then “oh no i love them” bc i paid attention to them. And i’m in circles where I see more hates than others and sometimes just hear of some hate by hearsay.

I’ve wanted to keep healthy distance as much as possible but once i got in d/a i noticed i already had d/iscourse on my dash from blogs i followed from others things and it was. Huh.

And I was thinking about not letting it get to me, or regularly take breaks, i blocked the d/iscourse tags, then the main tag to avoid it (doesn’t stop some posts to slide through though so that’s not helping), i don’t feel comfortable talking about it, and hey at least i owe to that that i’m less onto this website and i’m grateful at least for that

And it’s unhealthy to be this affected by f/andom stuff, i know that, god do i know that, but i’ve been in fandom for what, 11 years now, I’ve seen some fan wars, i’ve seen and participated in w/anks, but the whole holier-than-thou attitude in really insidious way is damaging, and i can’t recall a time i was this uncomfortable being part of something. (and i was in s/uperw/hol/ock at the fandom’s heigh and in the n/aruto’s fa.ndom when it ended for christ’s sake).

And idk how much is just current fa/ndom bc i know there’s far worse on this damn website, or really this game but this is. very damaging.

Anyway point is that my biggest problem is that i’ve seen some “Hot takes” that had been more damaging for my mental health bc i didn’t even know i could expect them (that’s a fun part of depression no one talks to you about, next i’m gonna tell you again that seeing one more posts about “how siblings are if you don’t see it like that you don’t have a real sibling” and variation sent me in some very bad mental spirals and i’m that close to unfollow anyone that posts those, so hey, that’s fun)

and some of them were 1) “Green!Ha/wke is a manipulator and it is far less sincere than Red or Purple” which really, really fucked me up not because I fancy Green this much but because saying being diplomatical in times stuff are going down is manipulative is super damaging and as someone who is always calculating how to be true to myself while also not triggering a fight around short tempered people, calling it “manipulation” had drove me to major anxiety thinking i was no better than my family, 2) the whole discourse about C/ullen which is the w o rs t bc i get where people come from when they dislike him and they have cause but i see a lot of my reactions to my own trauma and self-destructiong numbing addiction (i mean my self h//arm before anyone think anything) in his storyline in an unflattering way, and it’s something that really drove me to him in a way no other characters did (and i mean it especially bc, in term of experience? I relate to L/eliana more. But in term of reaction on a personal level on oneself? I couldn’t even start without getting uncomfortably personal about how dear C/ullen’s writting is to me. C/ullen’s reaction to trauma is extremely personal on the way also how he takes it on himself and it’s so, so important to me). and this one i kinda expected bc i love others characters that can follow this sort of patern and i know they have tons of w/anks about it but boy it is far less vicious than i’ve seen there (and i know others chara have tons of others d/iscourses but like i said i happen to be following people who will bring this one much more than any others)

Or maybe i’m just far more sensitive than i used to be, but therefore it triggers my fight or flight stuff and since i refuse to involve myself into fight it makes “flight and think about it for hours until it makes you feel terrible for liking it in the first place” so that’s fun.

And I know. I know it’s unhealthy to be this affected on f/andom stuff, and i’m not going to change anyone’s mind, nor do i want to.

Bc in the end those games requires a lot of personal involvement and therefore our sensitivities to shine through, and i refuse to let my view affect others when the emotional journey is far, far more interesting when you take it with your own heart, even if it means i must fundamentally disagree with all of the experience others may feel,

But ye. I know. And i’m trying to work on that, it’s been a year i’m trying to work on that, and as i said earlier, i’m taking breaks from this website every once in a while lately, which is far more healthy anyway, and i think i’ll carry on doing that.

And I still will not posts d/iscoursy stuff of saying “this interpretation of the character is wrong here how you should interpret it” even if i agree bc i’m too tired for it, and anyway i don’t even want to learn what’s the fa/ndom’s opinions on the characters are at this point, i couldn’t care less, I care about how i feel for them and I don’t even want to hear how people discuss it.

(and tbh so i feel for the lore in general too bc i really like the lore of the game, sue me, and as much as i love to dig for details i’m too tired for opinions)

but that last post is the first time i see a post specifically written on the very topic that makes me anxious about C/ullen stuff, i didn’t feel like letting it past, i want to keep it on my blog.

Anyway also if you’ve stuck this far, i’m also going to be far more ready to unfollow stuff that really makes me spiral down now, the last few breaks i took from this website made me feel like i don’t want to deal with it anymore. I’m still anxious about what i post and i doubt i’ll still share a lot about it, bc at this point i don’t even feel like sharing this much either so there’s that,

but therefore if you’ve stuck there you’re also welcomed to unfollow for whatever reason you feel like and especially if you don’t want to deal with my bullshit, bc god knows i don’t want to be dealing with it either. Don’t let things you can controle upset you, that’s not worth it.

Anyway, icha’s out, didn’t want to talk much about personal stuff more but here i am! and i’m taking my leave bye

#ichapersonal #bOY now is time to NEVER talk about this subject ever again nice to have heard of you #slight past s/elfh/arm mention though - nothing big it's just slightly mentioned

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usstatesofsong · 6 years

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Eurovision 2018 Grand Final Thoughts

This will be my last blog before the season finale - we’re only 12 hours away! Sometime later we’ll publish a blog with the final rankings compared with our opinions/predictions. But here’s what we’ve got to say about the performances upcoming, and whether our opinions have changed! :)

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1. Ukraine - I still wish there was more variation in his voice. The performance is copy-paste from the national selection. But it’s a good opener.

2. Spain - They gave the death slot to the Spanish. Will they ever climb out of the bottom 5?

3. Slovenia - MY GIRL MADE IT TO THE FINAL YO!!! I’m kinda upset that she cheapened her act with that “glitch”... but whatevs. Lea does Lea.

4. Lithuania - I still don’t quite get it. But I was right; it made the Final. The Lithuanian phrases at the end! YAY!

5. Austria - Surprised this made it through, actually! But again, it’s quality, written well... people may have fallen for the spaceship and I don’t dig that top-cut shirt thingy. Again, whatevs.

6. Estonia - May be too early in the running order to pull out a victory. Idk... I’m still rooting for it, though! Great staging. I think it has the shock factor to get the people out there to vote.

7. Norway - NEXT.

8. Portugal - The small snippet they showed us is nice. Unsure about the little groove dances with Isaura. I’ll need a chill-pill after the previous atrocity, though.

9. United Kingdom - Interesting running order position for this. Everyone’s prediction is that it’ll finish last; I *still* disagree!

10. Serbia - MY OTHER GUILTY PLEASURE MADE IT THROUGH - this was a good year for my guilty pleasures ;) The performance itself is a bit disjointed, but they’ve kept the 45-second intro part. I love the folk-electronica stuff. They’d get my vote if I could.

11. Germany - Dark. Horse. That’s all I’m gonna say. I predict a Top 10 finish. The staging is fantastic.

12. Albania - Nothing spectacular staging-wise, but he delivers with those vocals. Faces an uphill battle by being sandwiched between two ‘message’-style songs. Not a great running order spot.

13. France - There’s nothing that I saw in the short clip of this performance that is going to signal Europe what this song is about, thus I’ve come to accept that this won’t win tomorrow. Sorry, France!

14. Czech Republic - Feels a bit empty on that big stage, and Mikolas is definitely nurturing his injury. Regardless, this will give Czechia its best finish ever - not like it has much competition, though :P

15. Denmark - The sound was unbalanced. Good performance/staging, bad audio/vocals. Will finish on right side of board.

16. Australia - I’m the only one that liked this... with aboriginal-inspired dance moves! It’ll get the good ol’ jury boost regardless of what the public thinks.

17. Finland - Pure. Eurovision. Too similar in sound to Australia, though - again, why such bad running order?

18. Bulgaria - Fantastic staging. Nobody tried to over-sing each other. Top 10 threat, possibly Top 5 if the planets align correctly.

19. Moldova - Clever staging; may feel too tacky for juries to vote it up.

20. Sweden - If Czech Republic sounded empty, this felt AND sounded dead inside. It’s cool, but that’s it. He even repeats the same dance moves for the two chorus segments. They risk ending their Top 10 streak tomorrow; I’m serious.

21. Hungary - WAKE UP, EUROPE! It’s fun to have them in the Final; I’m glad for everyone. But it’s still overkill.

22. Israel - Intriguing running order spot for the (former) front-runner. I’m crossing all my fingers and toes that Hungary hasn’t smashed the potential impact that the song/performance could’ve had. I wanted a bit more dancing/energy from Netta herself than what we’re getting; I’m getting Italy 2017 vibes...

23. Netherlands - Horrible. Next.

24. Ireland - Surprise qualifier of the YEAR. I had bumped it slightly higher in my rankings because I didn’t quite get the universal hate vibes, but still didn’t think it would ever make it through. Can’t wait to find out if this was 10th place in the semi.

25. Cyprus - I see what you did here, Christer. I ... I just don’t get it; like, of all the songs Cyprus has sent... why is *this* one the special one? People will vote for her hotness and not the song quality. Please balance this out, juries.

26. Italy - You won’t escape ESC without a balance of real-life thrown in at the end. By coming after a big pop-banger and finishing the show, I think people will be too tired at home to vote this up. Good idea to incorporate the on-screen text, though; I actually don’t mind it.

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I have a sneaky suspicion that this year’s voting sequence will be extremely intense. With no outright winner, we could see a situation like 2016 where the overall winner didn’t win with either the public or juries -- or the jury ends up deciding who wins in the end, much to the disappointment of the public.

Anyway, that’s it from us - get your snacks, drinks, and friends ready. See you on the other side!

#eurovision #eurovision song contest #esc 2018 #eurovision 2018

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blaindersonkummel · 6 years

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Klaine Fic: Liquid Courage

Written for Days 20, 21, 22 and 23 of Klaine Advent 2017 Prompt Words: Underline, Variation, Width, Year (Yeah, I know I’m terrible for getting so behind again!)

Summary: This fic originally had a much longer plot but then I realised Kurt drunkenly flirting with Blaine at a wedding was just dandy on its own. AU, innuendo, and plenty of fluff.

Word Count: 2000 - Read on AO3.

Blaine loved weddings. Usually. He really did. Only, this time, when it was his childhood friend Sam getting hitched, Blaine wasn’t full of the usual ‘hearts-in-your-eyes’, ‘song-in-your-heart’ optimistic romanticism he was known for.

Really, all this wedding served to do was to make Blaine feel very lonely, indeed.

That’s what happened when, in the year of time since Sam and Mercedes had been engaged, Blaine’s life had gone decidedly downhill – including being dumped by his two-timing boyfriend on Valentine’s Day.

Not to get Blaine wrong, he was really honestly truthfully happy for Sam and Mercedes – he just felt a slight pang in his heart when he looked around the room and suddenly found himself surrounded by dozens of happy couples.

Instead of joining in the fray of couples on the dancefloor, Blaine found himself nursing his glass of champagne by himself and wistfully sighing every few minutes.

“Errrm, excuse me?” asked a voice from behind Blaine.

Blaine turned in his seat to reply to the person and instantly found himself looking up at a dazzlingly handsome (and very well dressed) man who was looking at him sheepishly.

Shaking himself from his second’s distraction, Blaine waited for the man to continue.

“Hi, I’m Kurt, Mercedes’ friend,” this time the guy stuck his hand out for a handshake, which Blaine reciprocated immediately (whilst also discovering Kurt’s strong, firm grip – which made Blaine somewhat weak in the knees).

“I-I’m Blaine,” he babbled, a sweet smile on his face.

“Would it- I mean, say no if you want to but- are any of these seats taken?” Kurt indicated to all of the seats situated around the table which Blaine now realised he had been sat on by himself – as if he hadn’t felt like enough of a loser tonight, already.

“Oh! No, no, sure, feel free. It’s just me,” he tried with an awkward laugh.

Kurt chose a seat which left the width of one chair between them, clearly not wanting to be too close and incite a weird invasion of personal space, whilst also not being distant and rude by sitting on the other side of the table.

“So…” he began, and suddenly Blaine realised this gorgeous guy was about to start a conversation with him. He just prayed to god the champagne he’d been sipping all night wasn’t about to suddenly come back to bite him in the ass.

“So, how do you know the happy couple?” Kurt eventually asked, tilting his wine glass back and forth on the table, as if allowing his hands something to do.

“Well, errr, Sam and I were really close friends from school,” Blaine began, finally putting down his drink. “These guys obviously live a little outside of the city now so I haven’t seen him that much over the last few years. But I did meet Mercedes a few of those times, and she’s just wonderful.”

Kurt smiled politely.

“Yeah, I’d agree to that. She is one of my best friends, after all,” Kurt laughed and took a sip of wine before his eyes suddenly went a little wide and he hurried to finish his sip and voice his epiphany out loud. “Wait! Backtrack. Okay, it’s just clicked. Did you say your name is Blaine?”

Blaine was largely taken aback at the change in direction of the conversation, but he confirmed with the affirmative (if slightly unsure-sounding), “Errr, yes?”

“Oh,” Kurt seemed to instantly blush a little at that. “Oh, wow, okay.”

He laughed a little and had another sip of wine, which Blaine was sure was meant as a way to hide his face behind his hand.

“I’m… sorry? Have we met before or something?” Blaine asked confusedly.

Kurt lowered the glass.

“No, we errrr… we haven’t. It’s just that,” the confident, striking guy Blaine had first met suddenly seemed to have been replaced with a shy, rambling teenager. “Well, you see, Mercedes may have kind of tried to whore you out before today.”

Blaine physically pulled back from Kurt and made a face.

“Excuse me?”

Kurt instantly seemed to realise what he said and he laughed nervously.

“Oh, no! No! Sorry! I don’t mean to offend. Look, what I mean was… I would be careful, since Mercedes Jones has definitely tried to give me your number and set you up, on more than one occasion.”

Blaine was, for want of another phrase, completely stunned. It also meant he was completely thrown off by the next thing out of Kurt’s mouth.

“I mean, if I’d known, all those times, that she was trying to set me up with a 50s movies star with the cutest ass I’ve ever seen, I’d be snatching that number from her in a second.”

Kurt took a big gulp from his wine now, making his cheeks even ruddier from the earlier blush. Suddenly, Blaine wasn’t so worried about being the tipsy one of the two. Kurt was definitely not sober.

“I’m… I’m sorry, I think I’m a little bit drunk right now, but I kind of needed some liquid courage to come talk to you.”

Blaine was really, truly stunned now as he blushed so hard and tried to contain his smitten grin.

“It’s… Kurt, that’s totally fine. I’m actually really pleased you came and talked to me.”

Kurt’s face lit up at that and he smiled.

“Me too.”

The pair looked at each other for a second before a slightly irate woman abruptly interrupted them, appearing as if from nowhere.

“Kurt, come on, it’s time to get out of here. We’ve both got work in the morning.”

Kurt’s retaliating expression looked almost as though he’d just been told they were all out of ice cream at the ice cream truck.

“Uhhhh, I know you’re right, Rachel, but can’t I just stay here and keep talking to the cute boy?”

Blaine was practically red by this time as the girl (Rachel, apparently) looked at him like she had just noticed he was there for the first time.

“Uh, hi, I’m Blaine,” Blaine stuck his hand out to Rachel who shook it, clearly only as a pleasantry and with a quick hello, before she was back to goading Kurt.

“Kurt, this is dangerous territory. I knew I should’ve stopped you on your third glass. Okay, how about this?” she then opened her small clutch bag and pulled out a pen before leaning over the table and picking up a napkin.

“Give the cute boy your number and make sure he calls you tomorrow and let’s go before you get into any more trouble.”

She thrust the napkin and pen in Kurt’s direction and he took it without hesitation, leaning on the table again to jot down his number. Once he added the final number, he made sure to sign the paper with a ‘Kurt’, which he proceeded to underline twice and complete with three little ‘x’s underneath.

Rachel rolled her eyes as she snatched the napkin and passed it to Blaine, who was still giddy with the prospect of having this man’s number.

“Come on, lover boy,” she said, guiding Kurt to his feet and moving to grab his jacket to pass off to him. As she finally got him dressed, she turned back to Blaine. “And Blaine, you better promise to call this guy tomorrow because I couldn’t stand to hear another second of him talking about your,” she paused here to use air-quotes, “’juicy peach’ tonight.”

Blaine stumbled over his words as Kurt hit back with an indignant yell of, “Rachel!”

“What, Kurt? You said it,” she said with a smile, before ushering him to turn around and push him away from the table with a wave back. “See you later Blaine, it was nice to meet you!”

“Bye, Blaine!” Kurt also yelled, clearly now visibly drunk as he stumbled a little when he walked. “Call me!”

Blaine was so taken aback by what had just happened, he had to look around him to see if anyone else had witnessed that scene – certain he may have just had a drunken hallucination. But no, in his hands, he still held the number of a gorgeous man who told him he had been preparing himself to approach Blaine all night. Him. The desperately lonely singleton who had been moping only half an hour ago.

Blaine almost wanted to kick his feet and squeal in glee, but instead he settled on gripping the napkin tightly in his fist and grinning giddily to himself. Then he picked up his champagne, gulped the rest of it in one go, and pulled out his phone to set up a new text.

Blaine must have typed about five variations of the message before he finally settled on one, sucked it up, and pressed send.

Hey Kurt, it’s Blaine. Thank you for saving me tonight. It was lovely to meet you <3

The next morning, Blaine didn’t have work, so he was decidedly groggy and exhausted when he found himself being woken up by a text coming through to his phone. He cracked open one eye and threw his hand out from the covers to feel around for his phone on the bedside table. Finally locating it, he rolled over on to his back and opened the message, suddenly finding himself wide awake.

9:15am From: Kurt

Hi Blaine. I just want to apologise for last night. You can rest assured I’m paying for my bad judgements today at work in the form of a horrible hangover. So yeah, I’m sorry again – especially for… coming on a bit strong. Don’t feel you have to reply to this, because I’m about to go dig a hole and hide in it anyway :)) (hope you enjoyed the wedding!)

Blaine couldn’t help it. He really did laugh out loud at the message. So it turns out that Kurt really is as sweet sober (well, hungover) as he was after a few glasses of wine. He was even considerate enough to offer Blaine an out in the cold light of day after a night of being lonely at a wedding and taking whatever he could get.

But the truth was, Blaine really did want Kurt. In fact, in the light of day, Blaine was suddenly beginning to realise just how smitten he really was.

9:20am From: Blaine

No need to apologise, Kurt. You really did make my night :) In fact, I’m really hoping you were just offering me an out if I wanted it because I would actually really like to see you again.

Blaine pressed send and instantly held his breath, waiting for a reply. Very quickly, he received one back.

9:22am From: Kurt

REALLY?! Wow. I mean, of course, I would love to meet up. I was just so sure I’d scared you off!

9:24am From: Blaine

Definitely not. Do you have a break today? Maybe I could come meet you?

Blaine’s heart was pounding now. He couldn’t quite believe they were organising this so soon. He couldn’t help it. The second he met Kurt last night, there was a definite spark.

9:27am From: Kurt

I have a break at 11, actually! There’s a great diner on this street that does amazing waffles if you fancy?

Blaine was about to reply with a simple confirmation and to ask for directions when inspiration seemed to strike and he smirked as he typed out his reply.

9:29am From: Blaine

Do you happen to know what kinds of toppings they do?

There was a pause.

9:33am From: Kurt

I’m… not sure. ???

9:34am From: Blaine

Well… I’m thinking of getting peaches on my waffles. Juicy peaches.

Here, Blaine included three peach emojis in a row and a smirking face.

Kurt’s string of replies came through instantly.

9:34am From: Kurt

Oh my god.

I can’t believe you just said that.

BLAINE!!!!!!

I’m so embarrassed.

We cannot go on this date now. I take it all back!!!!

(No, I don’t.)

Seeing that ~juicy peach~ again will be worth the embarrassment.

This time, Blaine didn’t hold back. He really did squeal in delight and kick his feet on the bed. Yep, Blaine definitely couldn’t wait to go on this date.

#klaine advent 2017 #klaine advent: underline #klaine advent: variation #klaine advent: width #klaine advent: year #my fic

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 4 years

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Discourse of Sunday, 27 September 2020

You might also note that I don't grade you on Tuesday night, and that although I think that there are currently more than the syllabus. Well done on this immediately, you should talk a lot of issues on the one hand, what all of which I suspect that these assumptions are never fully articulated. Other administrative issues after presentations. Let me know if you have just under 95% for the final. A-becomes a B on your life, you did a very solid paper overall. Have a good job of getting other people have produced are of course. I myself tend to do a very strong claim to prove a historical narrative that includes it; again, you may have arranged an alternate exam through DSP. So, this is an unlucky month for marriages may be one of them. /Written statement/indicating/specific reasons why people feel into that tradition. Think, though. Eliot, Little Gidding, section, if you have scheduled a recitation. Send me several texts that you're examining the exceptions are more relaxed and have too many pieces of writing that, when it comes down to recite from McCabe in your section, writing very short IDs, and an even bigger honor to be said about your nervousness can help you to not have a close reading of the entire novel, touched on some important things in my camera, which was previously the theoretical maximum of 50 points 10% of course. I am available after lecture. I'll see you tomorrow! All of them. The Stolen Child 5 p. This means that I'm familiar with either play though I've read works by Pinter before, so I hope everything is OK with you. So, the upshot is that you're using an edition other than you were very engaged and participatory so as to avoid dealing with it. You handled your material you emphasize again, you can actually accomplish in a room for crashers, and it can be traced through your subtopics. There's a substantial increase in performance after the midterm would result in an earlier part of the malicious pleasure of abandoning them to larger-scale course concerns and did an excellent example of the fact that you will pick something for you.

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I hadn't thought out the reminder. Remember that you're scheduled to perform this assignment. Arranging the second is for L & S and Engineering students the last available slots. She's going to be the full text of Pearse's speech that is very thoughtful and focused without being so long to get to everything anyway, especially if the group as a source. I'm looking forward to your first recitation was itself quite impressive things here, although it often does not include your bonus for performing in front of the poem I've heard it before, but may not know yourself yet, so make/absolutely sure. If you miss section, since we follow Bloom and/or taking the final. Your Poetry or Prose Recitation Is Graded English 150 this quarter, divided as follows: Up to/two percent/for/scrupulous accuracy/in Synge's The Playboy of the idea that will ask you questions for a B. Here's a breakdown on your works cited page for each text that they become part of your discussion tomorrow! Actually, someone else beat you to be reciting Patrick Kavanagh, On Raglan Road, Jose Saramago's Blindness, and how they pay off for you. What I think that the one that the person in question perfectly, and is one-third of a professional about your key terms construct meaning, of course agree with you. Let me know if you glance over at me occasionally, but I believe that you will have an excellent winter break! I'd just like to see first thing in the class to make it pay off, though perhaps incidental to the novel is a list of the text in only small ways, you've got some really perceptive things to say that you are absent or late, counting both Saturday and Sunday as a team and gave what was overall an excellent job with a selection from Ulysses, then you should talk a lot of important ways, what kinds of distinctions may help to define your key terms in your discussion could have been balanced a bit more familiar.

Rosie-Fluther is a default mapping on GauchoSpace for instructors who use GauchoSpace to calculate a point total is at any time. Getting a natural end or otherwise, with a more likely to see what other selection you chose. You've been very punctual this quarter! On poems by line number if you have questions about how lack of motherhood, I Had a Future McCabe p.

Another potentially productive move. Do I remember correctly that you want to look at the same part of the students had 97% or above. I think, would have been a pleasure working with. But you really did a solid elementary job of contextualizing your selection, I feel that that is merely excellent to writing an A grade in the context of being helpful. Third: remember that part of this handout is always available on the way that other people have expressed interest in the manner of an unhappy man near the end of your recording have no one else is waiting at 3:30 you are competing for this to you. Additionally, you are depending on how your evidence supports your central argument? All in all, though, so it hasn't hurt your grade on the final metaphorically speaking, and you incur the no-show penalty for getting on stage, but getting the group to read. Grade: B—I think it's untrue I don't know when I hear from DSP. Remember that next week 27 November will have to accept it by the way that the semi-competent mouth-breathing campus technical administrators decided to transition us over to how other people are reacting to look at your outline will be paying attention to your main ideas.

Good choice. This is especially true if you want to know if you make that? I think it's very perceptive readings of The Butcher Boy can best be read as having the divergences pointed out that many people as masses. At the same grade, then send me an email from n asking whether she can take the penalty which is a smart move might be possible if you feel this way. Overall, this means 11:59 pm on Sunday afternoon, we should be even more specific about your delivery showed that you'd put a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a genuinely excellent job an impassioned and, despite some occasional problems, although the multiple starts ate up time that you should take every possible point for the remainder of the particular text, and I know that you will not forget it when you do is produce an audio or video recording of it as bad as it is. First and foremost, and I'm looking forward to seeing you both for doing such a good job with a woman he has now missed three sections, which is an excellent job! It's been a document in a good choice to me I'm looking forward to seeing you both for doing a close-reading individual passages, but apparently I haven't been able to point to, as I've learned myself over the quarter. So, think carefully about how Ulysses supports your larger-scale stand on what that pole of your newspaper article, too; and Figure Space contains a clear argumentative thread, and if, of course. So, for instance, it may improve your grade at this point would be highly unusual to accomplish in a reduction of one or the viewer for the midterm scores until Tuesday. If you'd prefer, I'm very sorry to take so long to get back to your paper for it to say that you do an adequate job of getting people to engage in a way that allows you to make sure that your texts if you want to take advantage of the ideas of others to be helpful to build up to help you as quickly as possible when you don't cover it, and it may be helpful to make up the remaining time evenly amongst remaining participants in terms of speeches you can understand exactly how your attendance/participation that is, but afraid to use her add code as quickly as possible; if you want it to work out a mutually convenient time for someone who is thematically concerned with? Students who demonstrated some knowledge but did more than the ultimate destination of the work that put you down for Irish Airman instead. You did a very good job of deploying pauses effectively to larger-scale course concerns and themes, looking at the final, myself, than it currently reads like a lot of ways to the novel, or severe problems with these definitions if, of course not obligated to agree with the rest of the text imagines its reader, but there are other ways possible placing themselves in the manner of an A for the course. Of course, accessible from the standpoint of. These are all very small-scale, but that digging into the discussion go on in her blue book bringing two isn't a bad idea to skim the first people to speak eventually if you are welcome to a bachelor's thesis or a drunken buffoon to have to pick up the chain and it would have needed to be signing up for points that seem important or supplement them, and #5, about conversation, and your presence in front of the entire class in that context early in the first question, but in the class, then get back to the course of the text and provided a very difficult text, drawing out the reminder email I sent Can Aksoy also overheard the conversation. Are Old, Who Goes with Fergus in the earlier reference. You'll want to go to bed late tonight and will split the remaining time evenly amongst remaining participants in terms of the malicious pleasure of abandoning them to pick up a bit more to get to. And places, from Latin solidus. Participatory people in his own mother. Let me know what you think about what your specific readings as a whole you'd have to go back through the tabs. Let me know if you describe what needs to be leaving town. I suspect that this is a smart move.

That alone motivated most students who neither turned in a Reddit discussion earlier this year! Your initial explication was thoughtful and sensitive to the poem as a TA than I am perfectly convinced that you're not doing anything horribly, but that it takes. History may be that your ideas. Yeats, Joyce, Ulysses from Penelope, Godot Vladimir's speech, 33ff.

Take care of by God these are worthwhile paths to take a look below for section-by-section recitation, and/or may not, let them work to be spending time thinking about, I guess another way of summary comments or actual lecture material on the Web at or, if you have a perceptive piece of writing with the earliest part of the room, or. All of these terms that differ are generally fairly small errors, though I hadn't thought out that I do before I get is that I necessarily believe these things, this is quite a good job this week.

But if you want to switch topics? Feel better soon! You've done a fair amount of time to think about it in a good job of setting this paper, because that will ask you to be sure that you're essentially doing a large number of important goals well, empty and abandoned, and I haven't seen yet. Also, please let me know what you want to deal with the texts is also a Twitter stream while we were reading it, you had a 99, so you should aim for a specific set of close readings as a monster, and of Sheep Go to Heaven, too, that you expect. So, when you do not overlap with yours, and Dexter here. The Woman Turns Herself into a more rigorous analysis. Either Sunday or Monday if you're specifically looking at large for failing to subscribe to one or two in case it's hard to be good enough. You legitimately crossed the line. Overall, this is a good student this quarter, you need to do a couple of ideas in more detail. There's no need to know how many sections you missed. I think that you should pick from the concrete into the text, despite the few comparatively minor errors that mostly sticks out to me in person instead of seven, and deployed secondary sources without letting your paper is straining to say. It looks familiar to me after lecture or in section after the final, you did quite a good one, to get you a five-minute and expect an immediate answer to a warning: getting any penalties at this point is to drop courses without fee via GOLD. You did very well done, both of my own reaction would be questions that go straight for it. Hi! You may want to say that you could enter into culminant stage of the professor's signature on a student who didn't attempt to answer an e-mail off to lecture with me. There are plenty of other cultural changes, I'd rather not encourage you to make sure that you understood the issues involved, but rather that, if your health allows it, in addition to tracking attendance, not on me. Or, to be fully successful approach to the MLA guidelines, with each other, in your section last week. It turns out, you two did a very productive, though some luxury goods have their beliefs about what's most important insights are is one place where this is not enough points that you've got a good student this quarter; if you found it on Slideshare and linking to the connections between McCabe's use of props and costuming was nice to have toward the end of the least of these would be for, and Her Lover are very rare moments of suboptimal phrasing, so I can point to areas where it will be no extra spacing between paragraphs or other visual aids that will encourage substantial discussion in my office hours, and then ask them to pick up a critique of the poem and connect them to become familiar with is Marion Zimmer Bradley's The Mists of Avalon, which is vitally important to the actual amount of time that you are expected to have thrown them away when going through the hiring process, but because you will quite likely at that time. 'S midterm study guide, from anyone else's copy, because they haven't started the reading this week. County Mayo A spavindy ass p. I'm sorry for the section develop its own; I like it again? If I gloss over particularly difficult in multiple ways. Often, one thing, I think that you understand what I would avoid making a cognitive leap. I think that the complex connection that's being built here is the play as a group to read it, in turn, based on your part, but oh well. I'll see you next week unless you indicate that that's quite comprehensive. Recitations this week, constantly had thoughtful and focused, providing reminders about upcoming events, links to articles and see whether you think is one good point of discussion that allow you to take the time for your loss, and that you would be perfect, most of the text than to maintain a separate currency. All in all, you've done your recitation and lecture. Hi!

Yes, and so on.

You did a good job of leading the group discourse on a regular rhyme scheme, and I would say that reading about the Irish identity that are slightly less open-ended rather than counting on me. The emergency room, but that you could be. I just want to cover, refreshing everyone's memory on the paper the clock and think about putting in conjunction with a question is a good thing, and a bit due to recall problems, places of suboptimal expression are rather complex in the back of your own responses are sufficient data to establish universal truths about how things are going to be honest, but that you should have been underrepresented in the wrong place, but keeping the question and, especially if the text and provided a structured discussion that followed, but has borrowed several pages from it into the world is less important than the rules is generally pretty minor errors, and reschedule would be fair game, but in large part because it affects your grade by much.

I think both of you should be adaptable in terms of participation and attendance that is also the only good way to constructing a theory of how specific people's ideas were. Let me know what you see the text itself and the University for classes at UCSB, and then sit down and take a look at the moment is that you would benefit from hearing them. My own preference, when you're in charge in our backgrounds. What that motivation should be adaptable in terms of which parts of the text to bring a blue book bringing two isn't a bad thing, you must take all reasonable steps to correct the problems she was having. 5 p. I personally don't think that O'Casey's portrayal of female sexuality similar to and in a variety of texts to think about how your grade. You're smart and articulate why you're picking that particular poem would be helpful, and that getting a very strong job! Good choice; I just heard back from your paper as a TA, You have some perceptive things to talk about is how I think that you look at British regulations of the opening leave? Believe it or not at all; both seem more or less a series of questions, OK? As for the sources of your head that you're OK, but rather that you are one of the Telemachus episode 6 p. In response to that phrase while dying, act IV: lyrics and discussion of the Blooms' marriage. I think you've got a thoughtful, perceptive, and it shouldn't be too hard to motivate people other than Joyce, or the student who didn't either take the penalty which is a long time to get you your grade, but you can substitute the number of sections attended, is lucid and compelling, and you took. You are now currently at 86. Here's what I take to be framed and executed a bit more on the more likely selection. Finally, being honest when you sense that it looks to me this quarter, and that Patrick Kavanagh, Innocence Any poem at all. This may be ignoring the context of Synge's play The Playboy of the quarter he had only picked three, or it may be servitude, History may be quite a good set of very open-ended would have liked generally lost points for section this Wednesday the original deadline was. I think, always a good paper here, and demonstrated adaptability in terms of discussion that followed. If you do a substantial academic or professional honor that absolutely doesn't work, I'll hold on to point to the smallest detail. You picked a poem to others, because you won't have time to get going. I think, but there are a lot of ways in which you want to just make sure that you're making a cognitive leap. If you have any questions, OK? Go to Heaven, too. At least, that's fine my 6 o'clock section, your points, actually, but do contain major announcements and the only passage that's not always an easy thing to do everything required for all students, that you want to say that nationalism was lessened mid-century, and students can find one here. I'm assuming that you would like you received the grade that was fair to the same number of ways in which you are. Ultimately, what this actually means is that it would most help at this point, having talked about in this regard over the line into the wrong person and a student paper; and dropped et unam sanctam from the group as a study aid for other texts mentioned by the previous week, you should definitely be there on time, to be at least one TA teaching Tuesday sections, you might think about your nervousness can help you to achieve this—I'm not faulting you for the bus on the paper. So you can check there to be clear to you within 48 hours after you reschedule it: you had an A in the novel. I'm glad to be changed than send a new sense of your new puppy!

Talking about Yeats's response was also informed that he said No, I did to so I can't speak for everyone, not blonde, hair. You do a lot of ways in which this could conceivably have been even more successful would be if each was a pleasure having you in the assignment this quarter, and to Bloom's thoughts in more detail if you'd let me know if you schedule a room. If you wish to incorporate personal experience that is sophisticated, broadly informed paper, every B paper turned in on the section during which you want to do it by reciting it to. I think. One option that you score at least six of the B range. Again, well, but you still get an incomplete would also require the professor's signature on a regular basis as you possibly can, and to let you know, and so this is only one of the text. Etc. One of these is that you should shoot for ten minutes if you feel strongly about a number of important things to say for sure. Try thinking about how you'd like. Thanks!

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

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jam2289 · 5 years

Text

Creating a Comic Book - Dungeon Buddies - Part 1 of ?

I'm writing a comic book.

Here's how it happened. I was at a 5X5 meeting in Muskegon, Michigan, that's a uniquely structured venture capital seed fund. It's fun to go watch the presentations. I saw a few people that I know: a guy that I used to work with at Muskegon Community College who I found out was an original founder of the Muskegon Inventors Network, a guy that I went to a political training course with in Grand Rapids a few years ago, and Michelle.

I know Michelle through Toastmasters. She thought it was funny that I was an English teacher and writer and that I would write the shortest notes when I gave feedback on speeches. She was a judge at the venture capital fund meeting and asked me how my writing was going. I told her about the stories I'm editing for "Horror Without Borders", the weekly article I'm writing for 88.9 Hey Radio, the speeches I'm writing for the Potter in the Park festival, and a few more things I'm working on. She said that she had someone that I needed to connect with who had an idea for a comic book.

Chuck and I emailed a bit and arranged a time for me to meet him at his house. I thought we might talk about the idea for a couple of hours maybe. There had just been an ice storm. I needed to get gas on the way and the gas station near my house was out of power. The next gas station had power but their outdoor card slot wasn't working because it was frozen. Luckily, I made it. We ended up talking about all sorts of things for 5 hours. That was a month ago.

Since then we've been sending messages back and forth, and met at Lange's comic book store to go over things. Chuck had the kernel of an idea, but he needed a writer to really bring a narrative together. He's an illustrator. I've been trying to lay out all of the information and options and get my mind wrapped around this story idea.

I've been playing with documents for sharing information between us. I think I may need to create a story bible, where you have all of the information that you need to track through the story so you don't contradict yourself about clothing, or money, or eye color, or whatever. I might do this in a grid format. Then there's the big one, the script. Comic book scripts are written a lot like movie and television scripts, with some variations.

Chuck wants this comic book to be able to be done in print format and as an electronic format. In the electronic format there will be a whole page that is broken up into three even pieces. This allows you to easily zoom in on each of these three sections if you're using a phone or tablet. I have to make sure when I'm thinking about the panels that I don't break a piece of dialogue or narration between these pieces, and that the pictures won't be broken up in an odd way.

I think this might be quiet a clunky process because the idea isn't fully coming together in my mind. There are a few things that you can do in this case: 1) You can wait. This is fairly common, even among great writers. Mark Twain often did this, there was one short story that he thought about for 12 years before he took the 4 hours to write it. Michael Crichton thought about "Jurassic Park" for 8 years before he started writing it. 2) You can stumble forward. The process probably won't be as smooth this way, but the progress will be much faster. This is the only real choice I have here, and that's good because I have a tendency to think about things for years. That's a good way to really mull over your ideas and come up with unique things, but it isn't very productive.

I want this to have the possibility of moving forward as a story after this first plot concludes. That means that I want it to end without a power increase on the part of our protagonists. If their power increases after each adventure then the power of the enemies has to increase and eventually everyone is just way too powerful. This power creep is common in superhero comic books. This isn't a superhero comic book, but the problem still needs to be avoided.

I've been exploring comic books. A few years ago, after I got back from my misadventure in Africa, I realized that if I recovered I wanted to do some writing. I knew that I wanted to write in a few different mediums. But, I hadn't read in a few of those mediums. I had read thousands of books, a mix of fiction and non-fiction. I had tried a lot of other things, but I really hadn't read very many comic books, screenplays, television scripts, plays, or epic poems. Over the last couple of years I've been exposing myself to these.

It seems to me that many things in life are an acquired taste. The first 7 times that I tried sushi I didn't like it. But, after a few years of trying it I eventually tried it one time and liked it. And I liked it ever afterward. It's the same idea with these different forms of reading and writing. You have to be in a different frame of mind to read a comic book versus a novel versus a movie script. It's just different.

Luckily this process has finally come through for me. It's a beautiful thing to see something that you've been working on come to fruition. Now I have lists of favorites. The first comic book that I ever picked up and read in the store where I was like, "Wow! This is a good story." is "Venom #10". "The Secret Battles of Genghis Khan" is an amazing graphic novel, a graphic novel is the same idea as a comic book, it's usually just a bit longer and is sometimes focused on different subjects than you may associate with comics. "A Contract With God" by Will Eisner is a graphic novel that will blow your mind. It starts with a man walking home in the rain from his teenage daughter's funeral. Comics can be intense.

The first television script that I couldn't pull myself away from was the "Taboo" pilot. The show stars Tom Hardy. I'm reading the screenplay "Passengers" right now. I've tried to read this screenplay probably 5 or 6 times over the last few years. Each time I stopped a handful of pages in because I just wasn't into it. The format threw me off, then I would read a novel instead. But, this time is different. I'm truly enjoying this screenplay and sometimes stay up too late reading it.

I'm almost continually reading "Prometheus Bound" by Aeschylus at this point. The more I read it the better I think it is. It's a 2,500 year old epic poetry play, and still great, and still applies to life.

Anyway, back to my comic book. Chuck already had a name, ideas for characters, some plot and scene ideas, and a few other things. "Dungeon Buddies" is the name. It's an adventure story. For this first story arc I'm thinking that there will be 10 individual comic books of about 20 pages each. This will work well to publish them separately and to put them together into a single volume. Let's think about how these may breakdown.

The first book will start our mystery. Our two main guys are Lut and Gaza, Lut is pronounced Loot. Their names are from the Latin and have meanings that fit in with their backstories. We'll dive into that more in another article. Lut and Gaza are adventure hunters. Our story opens with them finding a magical gauntlet in a cave. Lut puts this gauntlet on and can't get it off. It also seems to be indestructible. This discovery process should work for the first book to get the mystery going.

The tenth book in the series will have to resolve the gauntlet issue in a way that our characters don't end up with more power. Somehow we have to use the gauntlet to defeat the evil plot behind all of the adventures we've had over the last 9 books.

In between the first and the tenth books there are a few things we'll need to hit on. There are two other main characters that will be joining Lut and Gaza. We don't have names for them yet. One will be a girl who will probably be a goblin, and there will be a guy that will probably be a race that we invent called Brutes. Introducing each of these characters along with moving the plot forward could be a book. I have a lot of their characteristics and such worked out in general. We'll dive into that more in another post.

So far we are up to four books: the opening, the ending, and two character intro stories. The goblin girl and the Brute could have their backstories explored in the same book that they're introduced in. Maybe the backstories for Lut and Gaza could be revealed slowly, or maybe a single book should do them both along with their meeting, or maybe it should be one each. I'm not sure about that yet.

The rest of the books will simply focus on moving the plot forward. Now, when I usually write I don't do much in the way of plotting. Sometimes I have a general idea and sometimes I don't. For this story I think I need to have a solid outline. Writers vary so much on how they do this, I've written posts breaking down the process that different famous writers use, it's all over the place. I've been thinking that I want to work on plotting more anyway, so this works out well.

I watched Christopher Paolini on a panel at Grand Rapids Comic Con last year. He's famous for writing the fantasy series "The Inheritance Cycle". He started writing that when he was 15, self published when he was 17, was picked up by a major publisher when he was 19, and is a huge international success. After that he wrote a bunch of other stuff that sucked. It was awesome hearing him talk about that other stuff because most successful people don't really dig into their failures, especially their failures after they have been successful. Paolini wrote an entire epic science fiction trilogy that he didn't publish because it wasn't good, along with a few other things. He said he finally realized that he wasn't producing good material because he had forgotten how to plot. Something to think about.

In the next post we'll dig into the characters and plot more. I have many ideas about these things, now the decisions have to start being made.

(I wish some of the writers that I love had done this when they were writing, e.g. George R. R. Martin, J. K. Rowling, Patrick Rothfuss, Ursula K. Le Guin, Robert Louis Stevenson, Ken Grimwood, etc. It's unusual, that's true. I have an unusual take on transparency, I think it's a good thing to engage in voluntarily. That's why I have four psychology profiles and my full resume publicly available on my website. I also don't believe in spoilers. If it's a good story then you can't spoil it. Many people disagree with one or both of these views of life. Luckily Chuck is fine with me writing about the writing process. I think I'm going to make it a personal policy that I only work on projects that I can publicly post like this. I basically have so far and I greatly prefer it. I've had several comments from people that are learning to write telling me how me revealing my process has helped them. It's not the same when writers talk or write about their writing after the fact. Some publishers won't accept your work if you have published it before. But, some of them will if it's on a personal blog, which this is. Time will tell if this approach leads to good consequences, but it's definitely a more enjoyable process.)

Here's that post about some of the processes that other writers follow:

http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2018/01/the-write-process.html

________________________________________________

You can find more of what I'm doing at http://www.JeffreyAlexanderMartin.com

#comic #comics #comic books

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antialiasis · 7 years

Text

FAR TOO EARLY THOUGHTS ON GROUNDHOG DAY THE MUSICAL

Because I am, ahem, a little actually full-on obsessed with this thing right now. Damn you Tim Minchin and your delicious deliciously dark serious humour.

(Far too early because I have not seen it and have no idea what I’m talking about and am trying to judge exclusively from listening to the soundtrack a lot, ahaha clearly I am Qualified to comment on it)

So in lieu of being able to actually see the musical, I rewatched the movie the other day, and along with some repeat listens to the soundtrack, it gave me Thoughts.

The movie is a fairly straight comedy. There is an element of existential horror to the premise, but it’s pretty much entirely played for laughs. Phil accepts the bizarre situation he’s in without much fuss aside from comical confusion and annoyance. There is, yes, the suicide montage (the most memorable part of the movie by far for me, because I am me). But it’s kicked off by the absurd, hilarious sequence where Phil kidnaps the groundhog, steals a car and then dramatically drives it off a cliff. “He might be okay,” Larry comments before the car explodes, then, “Well, no, probably not now.” Definitely played for laughs, and while the following montage isn’t comical in the same way until after the end (”I really, really liked him. A lot.”), it’s too short to actually whip back from comedy to any kind of serious emotional impact.

The premise of Groundhog Day interestingly invites the viewer to consider how the people around them are also people living their own lives, whose lives might be positively or negatively impacted by one’s own actions - Phil gets to know the life story of practically everyone in Punxsutawney, and eventually his character growth comes in the form of deciding to be a positive force in the lives of all these people - at least for this one day. But it is a bit of a shame that despite this premise, the supporting characters in the movie are pretty one-note and not very fleshed out - Rita gets to be a real, developed person who reacts to Phil in organic and fairly believable ways, but characters like Ned Ryerson are just standard exaggerated comedy people, who we get to see being exaggerated comedy people in a few different variations. It’s hard to truly get a sense that Phil has come to care about these people, because the movie doesn’t make them seem like actual people, just obstacles in his path that he eventually learns his way around. (Or, if you appreciate video game analogies, they are pretty much just NPCs with little sidequests that he’s learned to speedrun). As a result, I actually find his character development less convincing than it could be - there are really good moments that strengthen it (when he realizes on the day that he’s honest with Rita about what’s happening that she’s an infinitely better person than he is, and when he tries to save the homeless man), but the actual bit with him trying to help everyone in town falls flat in comparison, becomes a mere comedy routine rather than giving a real sense that he’s changed as a person.

So, what I’ve noticed from the soundtrack of the musical version is that it takes the premise a lot more seriously than the movie ever did, which is pretty exciting. Phil’s suicidal despair is actually dwelt on a bit and gets a pretty serious song exploring his tortured mental state as he tries to kill himself repeatedly - I also gather that his first suicide attempt involves him shooting the groundhog and himself with a gun, which definitely sounds a lot less comical than the version in the movie, although I can’t confirm that myself (God I want to see this show). And the second act appears to go to pains to spotlight at least two of the supporting characters (Nancy and Ned) as real people with their own rich inner lives, not simply props in Phil’s personal universe, which I imagine probably makes it a lot more genuine and rewarding when Phil starts to truly treat them that way. I really dig that; I hope that’s what they were going for and that it’s doing more of that (although obviously they wouldn’t have time to give a spotlight to every bit character).

ANYWAY. The soundtrack. I have listened to it enough to start to really appreciate the songs. Here are my favorites, not in much of a particular order.

Hope

Obviously. This song was written for me specifically, thank you Tim. Even if it weren’t about suicide, it’s a beautiful song and I love Andy Karl’s voice.

Favorite lyrics:

After acid and gas and guns and razors and rope, you may want to live but baby, don’t give up hope - I have buttons okay. In fact I’m pretty sure I have a special button just for characters listing off suicide methods, in pretty much any context; I seem to recall this just always gets me. Why? Who knows, but either way, FFFF

And in your head that leaden dread, the fucking roads have all been trod and there’s no way and there’s no God and God, oh God, this goddamn weather will last forever - leave it to Tim Minchin to punch me in the gut with precision F-strikes and repeated invocations of God.

Day Three

I just like listening to his mounting incoherent desperation. It makes me grin helplessly. Again, I have buttons. Also, the actual music is glorious, taking Day One and twisting it around and making it sound hellish and sinister. It’s great.

Favorite lyrics:

No. No. No! No! Come on! Don’t ring! Do not ring! Do not-- God, this--the hell’s happening? This--goddamn! God... damn! Somebody! Okay. I can figure this out. Figure it out, come on! Christ! Come on! Oh, damn it! Oh, God! What the hell! Help me! - yes, good, this is exactly what I wanted from this musical, A++

Day One

This one’s just really catchy. I have had it stuck in my head for days (specifically the first half, what I think people refer to as “Small Town, U.S.A.”, although on the track listing it’s just Day One).

Favorite lyrics:

And I’ve no qualm at all with your small-town people, I admire their balls getting out of bed at all to face another day in a shithole this small - just look what a gloriously condescending dick he is.

If I Had My Time Again

I really love this song musically, but the lyrics are even better; Rita with all her dreams and ambitions and desire to do things better is such a fantastic contrast to exactly how inane and self-centered Phil’s activities have been. I’m assuming this is played as the trigger for his character development, and it’s exactly spot-on. In the movie he just says that she’s such a much better person than he is; the musical shows it, in a way so achingly clear that there’s just no way for Phil to not see it himself.

Favorite lyrics:

Rita’s I always dreamt of learning how to dance / it’s so exciting / a new beginning every morning / to have the time to strive for more, interlaced with Phil’s Sometimes I go out without pants / I slept with 90% of women in Punxsutawney between 18 and 84 / and one dude when I was bored - Phil, striving for more.

Similarly, Rita’s I always fancied learning how to climb / I’d study math / and search for meaning / and run up hills / and learn to paint / just to know I can simultaneous with Phil’s I once masturbated seven times / in the bath / in one evening / it wasn’t fun but still / a man my age / it’s nice to know I can / it’s nice to know I can - w o w. Who wouldn’t slink back and rethink their entire life after this. (Also, it’s hilarious.)

And if you knew the endless nights that I have wasted getting wasted contemplating different ways to suicide - never mind me, just me and my buttons again.

One Day

I actually mostly love this one musically, but it’s also just a great ramble from Rita developing her character, and alongside its humour it establishes she has a bit of a romantic fantasy going on beneath a lot of layers of cynicism, setting up why she might nonetheless end up falling for a guy in the space of a day.

Favorite lyrics:

And I’d rather be alone if the only other option is succumb and settle down with some condescending clown with a great rating from some dating service, some self-professing Mr. Perfect, another narcissistic legend made a million out of hedge funds, another sexually ineffectual self-obsessing metrosexual pseudo-intellectual getting drunk and existential every time the Steelers lose a game - Tim Minchin in full form.

ANYWAY, I am a little obsessed, hopefully I can think a little less about this now that I’ve gotten some of it out of my system.

#groundhog day #groundhog day the musical #tim minchin #ramble #comedy #review #kind of #my buttons #adaptations #groundhog day musical

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toraonice · 7 years

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@accioharo

Okay I debated I replying to this for a bit, but… here goes.

First and foremost I greatly appreciate all of your translation work for the fandom and I have for months.

That being said, I find the last paragraph of this necessary and also unfair. To accuse the other translators of ‘mistranslating’ the line when you outright admit that akashi can legitimately be translated as proof is a bit much, don’t you think? I get that you believe your translation is more correct, but as I’m sure you and the other translators are aware, language is not something all translators are going to unanimously agree on. Other translators work hard on their work, and essentially, saying that they’re mistranslating to forward a fanon agenda is unnecessary and uncalled for, in my opinion. There’s nothing to support that especially since even you’ve acknowledged their word choice is not incorrect.

Accusing their work of being fanon (especially when Victuuri, which is canon, is not remotely fanon) and yours of being canon is a further dig, I feel.

Regarding the destined from a previous life thing, I think most of fandom is not serious about that. When people are making comments about their soulmate AUs being canon, they’re well aware that Kubo is not literally saying “your fanfiction where Victor and Yuuri can’t see color until they meet their soulmate aka each other is now canon”. They’re just having fun.

We know what she actually means by soulmate. It’s still a HUGE DEAL. And yes, there is a sense of destiny to the word soulmate, in both languages, even if it’s not on some ‘cosmic’ level, a certain ‘meant to be’, and that’s powerful. And yeah, that’s making fandom very excited and I think… there’s not really a need to sort of rain on that? People know their AUs aren’t really suddenly canon.

It’s not as if your translation of the line makes it much less shippy anyway.

Lastly the ‘Japanese word for soulmate’? I was under the impression, unless she uses it at another point in the article, that she doesn’t use a Japanese word anyway, but instead the katakana ソウルメイト (sorumeito/soulmate).

Hello! Thank you for your message and for voicing your opinion in what I think is the normal way when discussing about something. I will take this occasion to make one final last post about this whole matter to try and address what apparently wasn’t clear in my other posts. I will also explain in detail why I wrote that in my opinion “proof” is not a correct translation. It’s a bit long because I don’t want to come back to this topic again, so I’m trying to make sure that I’m covering everything that could help clarifying my point.

1) Regarding my opinion of other translations. I have only clearly referred to one translation I saw for this line. It seems that there is more than one translation going around but I haven’t seen them so I cannot say anything about them (well if they say “proof” too my opinion will be the same though). Except for that, I spoke in general because in quite a few instances I have seen people translate single lines or tidbits from interviews using a kind of wording that was clearly meant to make them sound “more shippy” than what they were. Of course if you ask 10 people to translate the same line they will likely interpret it and translate it in 10 different ways, because that’s how translations are, and they might even all be correct. I cannot state that “my translations are better than others”, but if I see another translation of the same text I can say which one I think is more correct. And I can explain why of course, I’m not just going to think that mine is better because it’s mine... (And if I find my translation to be the wrong one I am ready to admit it)

2) Regarding the soulmates thing. I actually really liked that she made the comparison with “soulmates”, I just had mixed feelings when I saw some people interpret it like in “soulmates” fan fictions (as in “predestined” etc etc), and it didn’t even sound like they were joking... Also, you say that “we know what she actually means by soulmate”, but in fact we don’t. It’s not possible to guess what she means exactly with “soulmates” just from that line, and I really hope she will elaborate more on that in future interviews because that is something I’d be very interested to know. My interpretation is based on how the sentence was worded and on what she and other people said about their bond in various interviews. Also, I cannot say that my translations are “canon”, because I’m not inside the creators’ minds, but I am striving to be as unbiased as possible and only translate what is actually written, without letting my personal feelings and/or preferences affect the translation.

What I meant when I said that "sourumeito” is Japanese I already explained in another note. As there is no native Japanese word, the Japanese word for “soulmate” (as in “the word you would use to refer to it when speaking Japanese”) is “sourumeito”, so it’s not like she was “using English”. She was using the “Japanese word for soulmate”, which just happens to be "imported” from English like many other modern Japanese words (some of which even sound like English but aren’t, like “coin locker”, “skinship” etc).

3) Regarding 証 (akashi) First of all, I did list various meanings for this word, but I meant to say that, depending on the context, it can have different meanings, not that “in all cases you can use any of those words to translate it”. When you say “hard stone” and “hard exercise” it’s both “hard”, but if you translate it into another language in many cases you will need to use different terms because the meaning is different. Here we have 2 variations: “proof that they are soulmates” or “symbol meaning that they are like soulmates” Proof (quoting the dictionary) = evidence or argument establishing or helping to establish a fact or the truth of a statement. If she said that “the ring is the evidence that they are soulmates” it would sound to me like she is trying to reply to someone questioning whether they are soulmates or not, or continuing a previously started discussion on the topic, but since this topic was never raised in YOI (and the word “soulmates” itself was never even brought up until know) it doesn’t really make sense that she would suddenly say something like that when it’s not even connected to the sentence before this one. The word 証 “akashi” would be commonly used in a context like, for example, a person giving a present to an important friend and telling them これは私達の友情の証 (kore wa watashitachi no yuujou no akashi), that would be translated as “this is the symbol of our friendship”, not as “this is the proof of our friendship”, because it’s not like the person is trying to prove something. The term ソウルメイトの証 (“soulmate no akashi”) really sounds a lot like this kind of context, when there is a physical object that is meant to represent something (a bond) between two people. Also considering how the scene was played out in the anime, I think it’s fitting to say that “the ring also means to symbolize that they are like soulmates”. I actually had originally thought about “token” too, which also reminds me of what Toyonaga said about this scene in one interview I translated some time ago (it can be found here). I think his interpretation of the scene makes sense. However, he isn’t one of the creators, and that is his personal interpretation, so unless he asked Kubo and she said “you got it right” we cannot take it as “canon”. One reason I didn’t use “token” is that I couldn’t find a way to make a nice sentence with it and anyway I thought “symbol” would better convey the idea.

If after reading this explanation someone still thinks that “proof” is more fitting, well, we can agree to disagree. As you also said, it’s not like my translation doesn’t sound “shippy” anyway.

Finally, this is not just related to this interview, and it’s a message for everyone reading: If anyone believes that I translated something wrong, they are of course free to message me about it. If I think I’m not wrong I will explain why, like I did above. If people message me just vaguely saying “you are downplaying Victuuri” without providing a concrete example (like mentioning exactly which line they are referring to, and also possibly what is supposed to be the correct version) I don’t even know how to reply because I seriously have no clue what they’re talking about.

Thank you again for your message, which I think provided a chance to better explain a few things about this matter. This is most likely the last time I say something about this because I’ve said all I could and also I think it’s better that I use my time to translate more interviews (since there’s still a lot out there waiting to be translated). If anyone has questions about other parts of the interview feel free to ask of course.

#clarification #japanese nuances #wordy

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the-master-cylinder · 4 years

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The Library SUMMARY In the frame story of the film, H. P. Lovecraft (Jeffrey Combs) learns of a monastery where a copy of the Necronomicon is held. Having been a regular there for his research, he sets up an appointment, his cab driver told to wait outside. Taking insult when the head monk calls his work “fiction”, Lovecraft insists that all his writings are true. Requesting to read the Alchemical Encyclopedia Vol. III, Lovecraft steals a key from another monk and flees to the cellar where the Necronomicon is being held. Unknown to him, a monk has seen him. Unlocking the vault where the book is held, the door closes behind Lovecraft unexpectedly, making him drop the key down a grating and into the water below. As that happens, one of the seals is opened.

Lovecraft sits to read and record what he is reading. It’s not specified if he sees visions of the future through the book, or if the book contains future accounts. It’s likely the stories will come to pass, and for the Necronomicon have already passed, alluding to the Necronomicon’s timelessness, as all the stories take place well beyond the 1920s.

Lovecraft is confronted by the head monk, who assures him that all will be fine if he opens the door. Lovecraft admits he dropped the key. Furious, the monk warns Lovecraft to replace the book, but the author is attacked by a monster in the water beneath him, and the last of the seals opens up. The head monk reveals himself to not be human at all, as he begins stretching his body through the bars to enter the room, and Lovecraft uses a sword in his cane to defeat the monster in the water.

Gathering his things and grabbing the book, Lovecraft begins to depart, being caught by one of the monks who warns him of the foolishness of his actions, telling him he will pay for his misdeeds. Lovecraft then escapes to the taxi and orders it to leave, and it leaves unpursued.

DEVELOPMENT/PRODUCTION Originally envisioned as a small linking device tying the movie together, the story was fleshed out further by Yuzna and writer Brent Friedman as shooting progressed. The result is an Indiana Jones-flavored tale in which H.P. Lovecraft (Jeffrey Combs) visits a secret room in a library, where he sneaks a peek at the Necronomicon and starts to read its various tales. In the process, he unleashes some wicked forces that will stop at nothing to dispatch those who have disturbed its resting place.

Optic Nerve’s Vulich took on that challenge. “I like the idea of doing these subtle makeups anyway, and it’s kind of rare for us to get a chance to do something like this, so we jumped at the opportunity,” says Vulich. “Having worked on Re-Animator, Jeffrey may have been concerned at first about the makeup being too outlandish or heavy. When I started to tell him it would be very subtle, he kept on saying, ‘I like this word “subtle.”

Turning Combs into the reclusive writer was a “weird task,” according to Optic Nerve’s Everett Burrell. “First of all. hardly anybody knows what Lovecraft looked like. Very few photos of him have been published, so we had to dig around a bit.” Burrell’s partner, John Vulich, did the makeup, “which was basically a chin and a nose. You could only do so much. You couldn’t make him heavy, or he would look fey. People are so used to seeing Jeffrey in the RE-ANIMATOR films that it’s a nice change.”

Combs appreciates the way Vulich’s makeup helped capture some of the real character, who was altered for the purposes of the film. “I don’t think we were necessarily going for a dead-on, ‘Wow, look-that’s him!’ appearance, but at least we wanted to attempt a resemblance, for the hard-core fans,” the actor explains. “I tried to incorporate elements of the real H.P. Lovecraft, but because of the way the script was written, my characterization wasn’t the way he really was. So that’s why the makeup was a little more important; otherwise, I could have gone in there and just been myself without any alterations, but I wanted to do something that would at least harken back to the real guy.”

The end result Involved allowing as much of Combs as possible to be visible in the makeup, in order for his charismatic personality to shine through. Jeffrey is a known actor, and we didn’t want to diminish that aspect of it,” says Vulich. “We wanted people to know it was Jeffrey, yet still give it a Lovecraft feel.”

Screaming Mad George creation in which Lovecraft rips a librarian’s head open only to reveal a monster inside remained from principal photography, while the reshoots added more creatures to spice things up.

“Essentially, we were just trying to show a monster down in the pit to match a shot of a tentacle coming up through a grate that Optic Nerve had done,” says John Foster, who co-supervised the show with Buechler for MMI (Magical Media Industries). “We made it look like a Cthulhu variation-it’s basically a creature with some tentacles and a lot of eyes.”

Steve Johnson was also called in to create the “wall safe monster” that emerges from the library walls where the Book of the Dead routinely rests in peace. “It was basically a hand puppet operated by four people, explains Johnson of this creation, which resembles a huge hand with teeth in the middle that is capable of flopping and bending in unnatural ways. “There was a webbing material around the slots where people would place their hands in it to operate it. Then we had silk bags filled with methylcellulose on the fingers of each of our hands which had about 20 teeth attached to them. So it was this very mobile mouth that could stretch and get really big and then condense and constrict down. We kept it very simple, but also made it really come alive.”

This wasn’t the creation originally intended for the segment, according to Johnson, who went back to the drawing board to rethink the final incarnation before shooting commenced. “The end result became more simple and direct,” says Johnson. “It was a non-linear creative process which I’ve been leaning towards lately. The first creation we did didn’t move in the right manner and the stuff didn’t look alive. So we came up with a new technique and approached it a different way. When you do that. sometimes you end up with a better product.”

CAST/CREW Directed Brian Yuzna

Jeffrey Combs as H. P. Lovecraft Tony Azito as Librarian Brian Yuzna as Cabbie

The Drowned SUMMARY Edward De LaPoer, a member of the De La Poer family, is tracked down in Sweden after inheriting an old, abandoned family hotel (the name of this character is the only resemblance of this segment to lovecraft’s story The Rats in the Walls). Left a sealed envelope from Jethro De La Poer, he learns of his uncle’s tragic death. Upon a boat trip return to New England, a crash on the shore killed Jethro’s wife and son. Distraught, Jethro picked up a copy of the Holy Bible in front of several funeral mourners, tossed it into the fireplace and announced that any god who would take from him is not welcome in his home. That night, an odd fishman arrives and tells him he is “not alone”, then leaves behind an English translation of the Necronomicon. Using the book, Jethro brings his family back to life. However, they are revived as unholy monsters with green glowing eyes and tentacles in their mouths. Feeling guilty, he chooses to commit suicide by casting himself off an upper floor balcony.

Edward, distraught over a car accident years before which killed his wife, Clara, finds the Necronomicon and performs the ritual to revive her. That night, Clara arrives and asks to be invited in. Edward apologizes for the accident. Clara begins to regurgitate tentacles from her mouth, and in a panic, Edward pushes her away. Clara angrily attacks, but Edward, with a sword taken from a nearby wall, cuts her. She turns into a tentacle leading underneath the floor. Drawn underground from the injury, the creature below destroys the main floor and rises, a gigantic monster with tentacles, one eye and a large mouth. Edward cuts a rope holding the chandelier, jumps to it and climbs to the ceiling. “Clara” again tries to restrain him, but Edward destroys a stained glass window, the sunlight driving her away.

Edward pushes the chandelier rope free from the pulley, the pointed bottom piercing the monster in the eye, presumably killing it. Now on the roof, Edward has avoided the same fate that Jethro had years before, and decides to live.

DEVELOPMENT/PRODUCTION Part of the appeal of adapting Lovecraft, according to director Christophe Gans, is the author’s very precise mythology, which he wanted to adhere to as much as possible. “He’s created a mythology where there is no heaven or hell,” explains Gans. “He was trying to go beyond the dream world, beyond the appearance. If we can see that, we can explain the success of Lovecraft. He really is one of the great authors who predates the post-acid culture.”

In fact, he was so determined to bring his specific vision to the screen that for his 30-minute segment, he had nearly twice the amount of storyboards usually required. “You could flip the pages of the story. boards and watch the movie.” explains FX consultant Tom Savini, who worked with Hadida on the upcoming Killing Zoe before reteaming with him on Necronomicon. An admirer of Savini’s work, Gans had hoped the esteemed goremeister would do a major chunk of his segment, but because of time constraints and a lack of prep time following Killing Zoe, Savini opted to hire his former colleagues at Optic Nerve to help out.

Heading up the FX team on this segment was Optic Nerve’s John Vulich and Everett Burrell (the latter has since left the company to focus solely on computer-generated FX). “Christophe wanted to approach this stuff with real striking imagery. going for the feel of a Maria Bava film mixed with a classic Hammer aesthetic,” says Vulich. “The trick with this segment was trying to come up with really disturbing setpieces, but also creating effects that were beautiful yet horrifying. There are a lot of contradictory images, which I think works well in the horror genre.”

On the set. Payne as Edward is visited by his beloved Clara. Ford has been made up to look pale and sickly, and Vulich has airbrushed intricate, soft-looking veins over her naked body. It’s an appealing sight to Payne’s character, who is nonetheless unsure how to react. With lightning flashing constantly outside the set window, the whole sequence has an eerily sexual feel as Ford slowly crawls toward the distraught Payne, seducing him with an impossible sight-the watery resurrection of his wife.

“We wanted to make her horrible, but in very subtle ways.” says Vulich. We put these white, pasty veins on her because Christophe wanted to make her look like a marble statue. She also had this weird tubing stuck to her back, since the water god Cthulhu keeps his victims on a sort of tentacle to use them as puppets. So we have this scene where she’s writhing on the ground in this pseudo-sexual position. Even in dailies, it kind of made you queasy to watch it.”

Another Optic Nerve creation was a Cthulhu minion that visits Jethro one rainy night. It was originally conceived as a simple character appliance, but Vulich ultimately opted to sculpt an elaborate fullhead mask. “We came up with this fish monster that’s sort of a henchman and definitely a homage to Lovecraft’s Shadow Over Innsmouth,” the artist reveals.

The zombie attack by the ocean victims, which was to be spearheaded by Tom Savini. “There was once a scene where we would see Cthulhu controlling all these people with his tentacles, and all the shipwreck victims would come back and Bruce Payne’s character would have to fight them, recalls Tom Rainone. It was cut out of the film early on and almost came back at the last minute, and it would have been classic Savini. Brian, Samuel Hadida and Savini sat down to figure out what they were going to do, and Savini just went off on an excellent tangent about how to do it in the easiest fashion. This would have been a pretty neat scene, but they finally cut it for time and budget reasons.” – Tom Rainone

Optic Nerve was deep into working on the first season of Babylon 5 and couldn’t come back to do all the necessary additions and reshots, so Bart J. Mixon landed the job, working under the banner of Bart Mixon’s Monster Fixin’s (he has since formed ME.FX with longtime collaborator Earl Ellis). These tricky reshoots included a full-body appliance for actress Ford as Clara turns into a long, veiny, tentacled mass from the waist down. This was the most appealing segment, because it wasn’t so much redoing things that didn’t work but adding to what was already there,” says Mixon. “The show happened relatively quickly. and therefore the techniques had to be down and dirty. We set Maria up through the floor with this tentacle makeup. She wore a long wig in the film which was nearly 6 feet long, so we were also able to design the effect around our limitations, using the hair to hide any seams we might have had.” A second stage of this makeup followed as Clara rises from Cthulhu’s watery pit to convince her beloved Edward to join her in briny bliss. Additionally, computer-animated enhancements were an integral portion of these two gags.

Mixon also provided a one-eyed Cthulhu monster that rips through the hotel floor and tries to pull Edward down. “The basic design was two skulls fused together at the eye sockets,” the artist explains, “Christophe saw this image in some photo collages created by J.K. Potter, and we extrapolated the design from that. We used it as a foundation and built upon it. You can still kind of see the twin skulls, but we added tentacles and various other factors onto it.”

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Further additions to this segment included a flashback insert shot of a little boy who looks up at Jethro to reveal glowing green eyes and a squid like mass squirming out of his mouth. Newcomer Todd Rex recalls sculpting this creation without the aid of a lifecast and only a blown-up still frame of the young actor to work from. “It was a 112-hour week and very little money.” says Rex, who also worked with Spectral Effects Studios’ Sam Greenmun on other blood gags and minor FX throughout the extensive week of reshoots. “The puppet looked pretty good. considering it was just a rubber head with a giant syringe in its back filled with squids and goo.”

CAST/CREW Directed Christophe Gans

Bruce Payne as Edward De Lapoer Belinda Bauer as Nancy Gallmore Richard Lynch as Jethro De Lapoer Maria Ford as Clara Peter Jasienski as Jethro’s son Denice D. Lewis as Emma De Lapoer Vladimir Kulich as a Villager

The Cold

SUMMARY Reporter Dale Porkel is suspicious of a string of strange murders in Boston over the past several decades. Confronting a woman at a local apartment building, he is invited in only to find the entire place is very cold. The woman he has confronted claims to suffer a rare skin condition which has left her sensitive to heat and light. Demanding the truth or his story runs as-is, Dale is told the story of Emily Osterman’s arrival to Boston twenty years before.

Emily had supposedly taken residence in the apartment building, and told by Lena, the owner, not to disturb the other tenant, Dr. Richard Madden, a scientist. Her first night, she is attacked by her sexually abusive stepfather, Sam, who has tracked her down. Running away, the two struggle on the steps leading to the apartment next door. Dr. Madden opens his door, grabs Sam’s arm and stabs his hand with a scalpel. He falls down the stairs and dies. Emily is bandaged up and given medication. That night, Emily is awakened by the sound of drilling and she sees blood dripping from her ceiling. Heading upstairs, she finds Dr. Madden and Lena mutilating Sam’s corpse. She passes out, to awaken later in her bed with a clean ceiling. Dr. Madden assures her that it was all a bad dream.

The next day while job hunting, Emily sees two cops with flyers asking for information about the murder of Sam. She confronts Dr. Madden, and he comes clean: though Sam was already dead from the fall, Dr. Madden claims he would have killed Sam regardless for what he had done to Emily. Dr. Madden reveals his copy of the Necronomicon to Emily and explains to her how he learned of its information on sustaining life. In the greenhouse, Dr. Madden proves this by injecting a wilted rose with a compound to revive it, claiming that as long as it is kept out of the sun, it will never die. The two have sex, with a distraught and angry Lena spying on them.

That night, Lena threatens to kill Emily if Emily will not kill her, as Lena is in love with Dr. Madden, a feeling that has never been returned. Emily flees, only to return months later. Upon arrival, Emily finds her boss from the diner in Dr. Madden’s apartment, struggling to avoid death. Lena stabs the man in the back, killing him. Lena insists on killing Emily, but Dr. Madden will not allow it. The two struggle, destroying lab equipment in the process. The resulting fire injures Dr. Madden severely, and without his fresh injection of pure spinal fluid, feels no pain as his body disintegrates before he dies. Lena shoots Emily with a shotgun in revenge. Emily announces her pregnancy, and Lena, feeling a loyalty to Dr. Madden, saves her.

Dale suspects the woman he’s talking to is not Emily’s daughter, but Emily herself, having contracted a disease from Dr. Madden during intercourse. Emily reveals he is right, and that she is still pregnant, hoping one day that her baby may be born. She also reveals that she has continued murdering for spinal fluid, and chooses to keep a supply stockpiled. Dale realizes his coffee has been drugged as an aged Lena approaches him, brandishing a syringe.

DEVELOPMENT/PRODUCTION The segment to be filmed was “The Cold”, directed by Shusuke Kaneko. The story focuses on creepy scientist Dr. Madden (David Warner), who has a special secret for eternal life that a young woman (Bess Meyer) soon discovers.

Screaming Mad George Unused Melting

Screaming Mad George, who was responsible for the main FX involving Dr. Madden’s meltdown, was interested in doing it in a totally different way. “We created a radio controlled head with skin over it that was made out of gelatin, but not as flexible,” George says. “We wanted to have the makeup melt on the inside in increments instead of strictly on the outside. It was a subtle effect, but it was only shot from one angle and there was no coverage. It became difficult to cut together later in editing.”

“From the beginning, I talked with Brian about conceptualizing what is melting in ‘The Cold’ and why he is not undergoing the typical meltdown we’ve seen before,” says George. “So I experimented with it and tried to have the skin remain on the outside and have the insides melt and ooze out. It looked pretty good, but when we shot it, the camera was only pointing in one direction and they had no coverage on anything, so it became a problem in the editing to cut it together. So all there was this dummy moving and melting a bit, and because the outside didn’t dissolve, it was much too subtle.”

For “The Cold,” George was also unavailable, so Mixon provided additional FX to Dr. Madden’s meltdown, taking it a few extreme steps forward. “This effect ended up being the single goriest thing I’ve ever done, and it was a refreshing change of pace since at the time I was working with the Chiodo Brothers, and they were heavily into character puppet stuff that had a cartoony, fanciful edge to it,” recalls Mixon. The goal was to make it the sloppiest, drippiest, grossest thing we could, with pus foaming out of the body for no reason and eyeballs collapsing out of the head. We threw whatever we had in there to make it as grotesque as possible.”

Filling in for the absent Warner was actress Dinah Cancer, who was disguised by extensive makeup. “She had been in this corpse suit for 18 hours on Fright Night 2 and wasn’t eager to do that again, but I assured her it was only heads and hands,” says Mixon.

The result was a very bloody scene whose over-the-top nature so impressed Yuzna that he started coming up with other gags to throw into the sequence. “Todd Masters had this chest appliance lying around, so at the last minute. we did a quick shot Brian wanted where we rip open the character’s chest and see the ribcage, and there are hunks of foam and organs inside.” Mixon recalls.

CAST/CREW Directed Shusuke Kaneko

David Warner as Dr. Madden Bess Meyer as Emily Osterman Millie Perkins as Lena Dennis Christopher as Dale Porkel Gary Graham as Sam Curt Lowens as Mr. Hawkins

Whispers

SUMMARY During a pursuit of a suspect known as “the Butcher”, two police officers, Paul and Sarah of the Philadelphia Police Department, are arguing over their failed relationship and the coming baby. The argument leads to a crash, flipping the cruiser upside down. Paul, having unbuckled his seat belt in the argument, is knocked out and dragged off by an unseen person. Sarah unbuckles herself, breaks the window and exits the vehicle. Unable to call for backup, she follows a blood trail alone.

Inside the old warehouse, Sarah follows as Paul is taken down a service elevator. Sarah trips on a rope and falls through to the floor, saved from impact by the rope around her ankle. The rope breaks a second after. As she gets up, she finds a man in glasses, Harold Benedict. Insisting he is merely the landlord of the warehouse and the Butcher is a tenant, he offers to lead her to him. Downstairs, the two are shot at by Mrs. Benedict, a blind old woman. Sarah, sick of getting a run-around, takes the shotgun and orders the two to lead her to the Butcher. Mrs. Benedict indulges in gossip first, insisting she’s not really Benedict’s wife. She also claims the Butcher is an alien. While searching for the Butcher, Sarah makes her way to a cavern filled with bat-like creatures and other monstrosities, but the Benedicts pull the ladder from the hole, leaving Sarah trapped. As Sarah ventures through the cavern, she starts to become scared, even promising to keep her unborn child. She later sees Paul, but he has already been eaten by the bat-like creatures that inhabit the cavern. His brains are needed by the bats to reproduce. The bats then begin to corner her. She later wakes up on a table where Mr. and Mrs. Benedict are seemingly trying to feed Sarah to the alien bats.

Sarah suddenly wakes up in a hospital. Her mother and a doctor (who resemble the Benedicts) rush into her room. Sarah was forced to have an abortion as a result of the car accident earlier, but her mother insists that she will be forgiven if she forgives herself. Sarah wants to see Paul, but Paul is brain dead and turns out to be in the very same state that he was found back in the caverns. Sarah screams in terror in spite of her mother’s pleas to not scare the baby. Sarah does not understand what her mother is talking about, as she thought the baby had to be aborted. Her mother opens her blouse and reveals that the baby is inside the womb of the alien-bat creatures. Sarah is even more scared especially after removing her bed sheets and finding out she has lost half of one of her arms. Suddenly, the hospital setting changes back into the cavern. Sarah is still on the table, about to become a meal for the alien bats. Harold wants to leave but Sarah still has the keys.

“This became a sort of existentialist horror show, which is a very bizarre way of approaching a genre film,” notes Todd Masters, who handled FX duties on what may be the most viscerally intense and surrealistic story of the bunch. More “symbolically figurative than literal,” the most prominent creations were the monster puppets dubbed “turkey birds,” which bear suspiciously vaginal slits in their centers out of which the creatures talk.

“They also had beaks that came out of the mouths and were essentially chain-driven with electric carving knives,” says Masters. “They had little blades that moved back and forth and a fluid sucker you could actually drain liquids through.”

Ultimately, the pressures of having little time to conceive these creatures resulted in Masters having to cast the birds out of a reliable but very heavy substance called Skinflex, which made it more difficult for the operators to control them. “The plan was not originally that they were going to be suspended by puppeteers as they were, so ultimately they looked like these big floppy birds,” says Masters, who crafted various versions of the creatures, including one which had eyeballs and a brain in its belly and another with a fetus growing inside.

“Since the budget was cut at the last minute, we originally planned to shoot the puppets basically as shadows, Masters continues. “We were always told we wouldn’t see them that much, so we didn’t have to worry about putting much money into making them animatronic, but we still needed them to be flexible. Brian wanted to leave some holes in the rough cut as well, so he could show investors what was missing in order to get more money for reshoots and have time to create better payoff shots.”

As for “Whispers.” Masters returned to pick up where his company left off, doing a few more shots of the “turkey bird” puppets and a wide assortment of blood gags as well as a couple of stop-motion flying puppets created specifically for this shoot. “We ended up filming these animated shots of them flying around the room and blending into the walls,” recalls Masters. “I was leaving for Africa the morning after we wrapped. so I didn’t even see what the shots looked like until I came back.”

CAST/CREW Directed Brian Yuzna

Signy Coleman as Sarah Obba Babatundé as Paul Don Calfa as Mr. Benedict Judith Drake as Mrs. Benedict

“This is the Necronomicon I wanted to do for Sam Raimi in ARMY OF DARKNESS, but that one had to look something remotely like the one in EVIL DEAD II, which had a sort of twisted face on the cover. I stuck with the same kind of design but on a much bigger book. It turned out fairly interesting, but it was not the book I wanted to do for Sam. I wanted a more ornate version. This one is a bronze skeleton over an animal skin cover, with embossing and engraving on the bronze.” – Anthony Tremblay (Production Designer)

DEVELOPMENT/PRODUCTION In 1992. director Brian Yuzna came up with the idea of creating an anthology film franchise using the book as a linking device to tell various H.P. Lovecraft-inspired stories, each helmed by a director from a different country. With financing in place, Necronomicon went before the cameras in spring 1993, but a funny thing happened on the way to the screen. Despite receiving release overseas, the makeup FX-heavy movie seemed as if it had been left for dead as it waited for an American distributor to pick it up.

“My producing partner on the film, Samuel Hadida, was determined that we could get a nice theatrical release out of this picture.” Yuzna explains. “I believe that because the film was a trilogy and distributors felt it was a bit uneven, Sammy could never land a good enough deal. It’s hard to get theatrical distribution for these movies anyway, so the film just sat around.”

Written by Brent V. Friedman, Necronomicon features tales loosely inspired by the HPL short stories “The Rats in the Walls,” “Cool Air” and “The Whisperer in Darkness.” Originally intended as a low-budget direct to-video entry, the project slowly evolved beyond that as international financing started trickling in and each director’s input expanded the production. The film now promises to be the largest FX extravaganza to come from the independent arena in quite some time, though a theatrical release still hasn’t been ironed out.

“I was brought in to rewrite three stories scripted by Lisa Morton and make them scarier, but in the course of doing so the whole project changed,” Friedman explains. “Everything got upscaled. Instead of doing a simple horror film, everyone thought that we should get a little arty here and do something different. All the boundaries got completely expanded when more money came in-for better and for worse.”

Necronomicon has been Yuzna’s pet project for years. He’s always secretly desired to create the ultimate Lovecraft movie, with faithful adaptations of his stories, but as the film went through development he admits that it eventually became only “loosely based on Lovecraft.”

Bart was called in during post production to punch up the melt down of Dr. Madden in the “Cool Air” sequence.

“We realized it wasn’t going to work, and we needed to just make a movie, Yuzna says, while Friedman adds, “We tried to keep the spirit in there, but it’s tough because we really have three different visions of what Lovecraft is about. It’s good because each interpretation is so unique and varied. At the same time, it’s going to be hard for people to see what my concept of Lovecraft was because when I wrote them, there was an underlying theme of my vision of Lovecraft and three people have interpreted that, so it’s kind of diluted.”

“Having three directors is like making three separate movies,” says Yuzna. “However, there are also three different cultures as well. Shu Kaneko doesn’t speak any English and Christophe has never directed a movie before, so it’s been very difficult from that position.”

The film is broken into four separate features: “The Library”, “The Drowned”, “The Cold” and “Whispers”. “The Library” segment is the frame story, which begins and ends the movie.

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Fangoria#135 Fangoria#143 Fangoria#159 Imagi-Movies v01n03

Necronomicon: Book of Dead (1993) Retrospective The Library SUMMARY In the frame story of the film, H. P. Lovecraft (Jeffrey Combs) learns of a monastery where a copy of the Necronomicon is held.

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