#anyway. im going to make myself miserable with the film so whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ziracona · 3 years

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the way ILM is the only fic that's actually made me cry... trying so hard to capture that level of emotion for a scene im writing in a fic rn, do you have any advice about writing scenes like that, or about how you get into the right headspace?

Totally! Although it helps to know specifics. Also, take my advice with a grain of salt, because the way I write is very unusual and might be hard to do (and moderate). So, I did acting before I really got into writing or any of the various other things I’ve done (film, VA work, etc). And I kind of approach everything from an acting lens. I method act when I act, and I write the same way. I get intensely into character, and write the character through myself. This is a really useful and good way to write, but you should do it in controlled moderation (just like method acting). Do not be me and get so into character you accidentally give yourself trauma writing something like The End of the Line. The plus of basically acting what you write is it makes understanding what characters will do or say next very easy. It also makes it a lot easier (for me anyway) to get in touch with and have a good handle on emotion and translate it well. The downside of that is probably any section of ILM that made you cry, I was sobbing for over an hour writing. It works, but it takes a toll. I wrote the end section for Rin in one night and it physically exhausted me. When writing ODE for a friend, the fic I’m updating now (beside NDF), I regularly sent him screenshots of my shirt literally soaked through with tears.

Now, this is not remotely the only efficient way to write emotion—or to act it! It’s just the way that comes most naturally to me, so it’s the one I have the most experience trying to describe or recommend. If it doesn’t work for you, there are /tons/ of other ways that will. Moving on from my basic process, here’s some actual advice:

The scene you are writing, you say you want to be really emotional. I would assume that means that what happens in it is deeply meaningful to you, and you would like to/feel like you or anyone could/should cry for the event. Because it’s significant. Try to find what it is that you have that feelings towards in the scene, because it won’t be just like, X character dies. There’s always more that goes with it. Is it sad because they’re dying alone, or because they thought they would, but they have a friend, and it’s so precious to them? Try to find the meaning behind the event, and focus on that. In acting, it’s considered very bad direction to tell your actor something like “act sadder”, because that’s not an actionable command. What is sadder? You’re supposed to give them an actual thing they can do, not a concept to embody. So something like, “convince him you will never forget him, before he dies and it’s too late to tell him,” is a much better direction. That’s actionable. I’d say a lot of that applies to writing too. If someone is dying, focus on what that means, to them, to whoever is with them. If someone is being told they’re loved for the first time, how does that feel—are they miserable with guilt, are they at peace? And how is that actually shown.

It can help a lot to focus on that. To focus on specific actions that have a lot of meaning, like holding out your hand for someone who isn’t going to come. It can also help to find a central emotion to a scene, the heart kind of as it were, and then to build around it. Trying to think of an example, in ILM, one of the earliest scenes to make me cry was Quentin’s near death in The End of the Line. Obviously it’s upsetting he’s being killed, and by the single worst person in his life, who has been hunting him literally since he was a child. And there’s the desperation of everyone trying to save him, and how much they are suffering, the unfairness of how hard he’s trying to save himself, and that it’s not enough, but what makes that scene truly impactful is that he’s kind of out of it and he thinks his Dad is close enough to hear him and come save him and he could be okay, but he doesn’t. That’s what makes the scene breaking. There’s also the moment he accepts he’s going to die and prays about it and tries to comfort himself, telling himself it’s okay he’s going to die because he did the best he could and tried all the way to the end. That’s a very brave sentiment, but it’s also really fucking awful and pitiful and depressing to see someone in that situation being the only person there to tell themself it is okay their abuser is about to murder them, and no one is going to save them this time. And everything else that chapter is framing those two moments. It’s not that he’s dying, it’s that he is dying utterly alone, and with no one to comfort him, and that he knew he would, and he couldn’t escape it, and no one could save him. It’s the absolute consuming loneliness. The other half of the chapter is the group trying to save him, willing to go through literally anything for it. So it’s a race to see if he /will/ die alone, if he will ever even get to know they tried, or what they’d go through for him, or if it will all be for nothing, and even though in the end he doesn’t get killed, the threat of it is real and awful enough while it’s being experienced that it carries a lot of weight.

As far as headspace goes, for me, I get into character. I try to think and feel as incredibly miserable as my characters (Uh, to a safe extent preferably. Again, I’ve overshot the mark and fucked myself up before. Try not to do that :’-]). I feel how they feel, and if I write with the emotion they have, usually it carries over. So I guess the best advice I can give for headspace is just try to care as much about and for your characters as you can. I’m sure not every author would say this, but I tend to look at writing as I can’t expect someone reading my story to care /more/ about it than I do, so if I want it to matter, it has to really matter to me too. I get invested and care like the characters are my kids, and I want them to succeed and be happy. Even if sometimes I have to write them fail, or die. I try to approach it like I am keeping a faithful narrative for real people who really mattered, in a way. Like I’m witnessing them. And that helps.

Anyway, I am sorry if that isn’t super helpful. I am not always the best at translating things I understand and feel very well, into terms other people can easily understand. Despite my best efforts. 😔 I am very happy to try to elaborate or explain further if there are specifics I could do so on that might help. Uh, I guess as a very basic last piece of advice, if all of this is kind of confusing or hard to follow, just. Whatever makes it a scene to you like the ones in ILM that made you cry—whatever makes it a story segment that should be cried over. Try to find that element. That makes it...important, and vital, and painful, and makes it matter that it /is/ painful, and try to connect to that. Try to feel that element, and to write that feeling down. If you have ever been really depressed and written poetry, or even a few lines of just journaling, talking about something very personal and raw and ugly or hard or unchangable, it’s kind of like that. Find that. And describe it like you would something painful to yourself. If it can resonate with the people reading, if it’s written brutally honestly, whether it is pretty or not, it will.

#ask #writing #writing advice #officious-seeing-eye-bitch #I hope this helps I’m sorry if it doesn’t :’-]#I am not always good at translating myself even if I understand myself really well

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captainillogical · 4 years

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Distant Lands Ch.3

Stranded on a planet with toxic conditions and nothing but the clothes on your back, your only means of survival lies within the gem that got you here in the first place.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

(thanks for being patient! sorry im so slow sometimes lol)

You wake up several hours later with a migraine. You don't even want to open your eyes as you groan silently inside your head. Everything hurts terribly. You lay there for a few moments, and move your arms to massage your temples. The pressure against your skin helps, but you still feel quite a bit of the pressure inside your skull.

You don't even know what time it is. You look around you to realize there's a bit of light. Adjusting yourself slightly, you move your arms in front of you. You.. realize that Spinel is holding your center tightly, and you can’t move. You can’t even tell if she’s sleeping or not, so you lay there quietly for a moment to gauge her breathing. It’s.. steady enough, so you’re pretty sure she’s asleep. You try to move her arms away from you ever so slightly, and she tightens them and clears her throat. You freeze.

“Uhh,” You say out loud. “Can you stop touching me now? I kind of need to go to the bathroom.” “..you tryin’ to escape me?” She finally says after a few moments. You sigh aggravatedly out loud at her.

“No. How could I even get very far? You’re right here.” She makes a noncommittal grunt at that, but doesn’t make an effort to move. God you can't stand her. You don’t think you could even be friends with her under normal circumstances, nonetheless being forced into a friendship with a murderous clown against your will with no chances to escape. The sooner you can find a way off this miserable rock, the better. “I’m not joking. Let me go so I can pee.”

“Fine. I’m coming with you, though.” She replies, and moves her arms enough so you can fling her limbs off you and sit up. You turn around to see her staring at you, and you wonder if she watched you sleep. You fight off the shiver even though you’re a bit creeped out at the prospect.

“Please don’t tell me that you’re going to watch me.” You shoot her a look, and she raises an eyebrow.

“Watch you what?” She asks, and you fight off another groan of frustration. Fuck all of this.

“Nothing.” You exhale, and get up to go outside to relieve yourself. Spinel follows you, of course. Cursed gem, this one. Why couldn’t you have been taken by a Pearl instead, you think to yourself. This entire ordeal would’ve been a lot easier to deal with.

It’s so bright outside once you actually walk out, you feel like you haven’t seen light in forever. It takes a second for your eyes to adjust, but once they actually do you nearly open your mouth in shock at the state of this sun. It's freaking huge, for one. Like, several sizes bigger than the sun you're used to seeing. This one is also red, and something about it doesn't sit right with you.

You really gotta get off this planet.

"You ever see a sun like this?" You turn to face her.

"No. This one's weird." She squints at it. Not very helpful, then.

"Okay well, don't watch. I'm serious." You say, and lean your side against a nearby tree. She turns her head slightly to not face you. Whatever, good enough you guess.

You slip your pants off, but fumble for a second due to an item being in your front pocket. You pull the small object out and your heart drops for a moment. And then it picks back up rapidly. It's blue and bird shaped, and tied to a keyring. It's.. it's the small tracking beacon that you have matching with Steven. You.. you can't believe your luck. You never have this on you anymore.

Many years ago when you started going out on missions with the crystal gems, Steven used to beg and cry about having you not come with. He was so worried constantly, even though you were extremely safe with the gems, so you promised him you'd get something to make him feel better. And you got both yourself and him matching beacon keychains. So if you ever got lost, or something went wrong, you always had a way for him to find you. You stopped carrying yours regularly years ago since Steven started joining in on the gem missions, and mainly had it on your keyring for decoration and sentimental reasons. It must've fell off and into your pocket somehow. Now to just find a high enough hill to place this upon without Spinel noticing..

You realize that you've been quiet for a decent amount of time, and finish up your business before Spinel realizes anything.

Well. You kind of have a tiny smidge of hope now. You walk over to the gem, and she turns to regard you.

"Did that lighten your mood? You look almost cheerful." She says to you, and raises her eyebrow in question. You clear your throat. Fuck, you forgot your face shows everything.

"No, I'm actually extremely hungry and miserable right now." You reply coldly. You hope she's not suspicious of anything. "I'm gonna try and find some food for myself. Since you know, I'm an organic being and I need sustenance to survive." You glare at her, and she's not even paying any attention to you.

You try a different path this time since it's light out and you can actually see. Spinel's clinging to your arm of course, because why not. It's not like you can fly off this planet by yourself. You wander about for nearly twenty minutes before you find a tree with some long cylinder-like fruit? You hope it's a fruit. You pull one down and have to snap it off the tree, which was weirdly difficult. The outside feels strange, like there's a fine film of.. something similar to wax on the outside.

Spinel pulls one down as well, and turns it around in her hands. You bring it up to your face to sniff it, and it seems okay? The surface seems soft enough. You're about to bite into it when Spinel rips the one in her hands in half with a quick snap, and the weirdest looking slime pours out of it in a murky brown color. It's absolutely repugnant smelling.

"I wouldn't eat this." She says, and drops the fruit to the ground. "Doesn't smell great."

"No shit, really?" You reply sarcastically, rolling your eyes. "It looked delicious to me."

"Was just trying to help. I don't want you vomiting again like last time." She regards you with a look that you can't interpret, and this instantly pisses you off. How dare she act like she's doing you any fucking favors.

"I don't need your help." You force out, seething. She looks like she's about to say something, but you storm off in a huff before she can start. You don't care.

You need to find food and water today, otherwise your chances of getting home to Steven alive and in one piece are close to zero. Your body aches, but you keep moving forward. You're determined to stay alive.

Spinel is still following behind you, and she isn't holding your arm this time. You push a bunch of vines out of the way of what looks like an overgrown path elsewhere, and you spoke too soon. Or, thought too soon, because she's wrapped her hand around yours this time. Ugh.

You pass by a lot of different types of bushes with similar berries like the ones from before, but you aren't taking your chances with those. You risk faster dehydration if you vomit any more. Your stomach grumbles at the thought of sustenance, and you feel like you might start chomping on leaves soon. You.. realize something with that train of thought. You've only sought out plant-life as a food source so far, completely ignoring any kind of animal that you could possibly eat.

You realize that you haven't seen any animals at ALL on this planet so far. That's strange. I mean, obviously for a complicated ecosystem like this there has to be creatures of some sort around, right? You've really only been here for a day, so you can't really be sure, but.. you're lost in thought when Spinel tugs your arm, and you nearly trip forward.

"What the fuck?" You say out loud.

"I think there's something edible over here." She says, nodding over to this area through the thick trees. You walk over to where Spinel is standing to see what she's looking at.

You can see trees with different fruit on it this time than the others, and you'll take your chances with this one.

"Let's hope this one doesn't poison me." You say with a shrug, and make your way over to the couple of trees nearest to you.

Looking up, the lowest hanging fruit are close to 15ft off the ground. They're green and yellow colored, and shaped like some kind of eggplant/durian hybrid. You hope it smells better than the other 'foods' you have discovered so far. You walk around the tree with Spinel still holding your hand, trying to find an easy spot to climb. There isn't even a viable foot holding that you can reach with your hands. You look at the other trees nearby, and they're all shaped the same. Tall, with smooth trunks that are completely useless to climbing. Great.

You look around you to see if you can find any rocks or sticks to knock some down with, and see a decent sized branch on a low enough tree to grab. Sweet. You grab it to break it off, and it snaps off the tree pretty easily. When you turn around, Spinel's already got several fruit in her arms, and is grabbing another down. Oh right. You forgot. She can stretch herself at will. Why the fuck didn't she say anything before? You're nearly seething with rage, but decide to push it down to deal with your hunger instead. You walk back over to Spinel, and she hands you a fruit. You turn it around in your hands, gauging it's feel and smell. It seems alright. Better than the others, anyway.

It's soft to the touch, so you tear into it with your hands carefully, ripping the fleshy skin apart easily. It's ripe, and smells nice, and the flesh inside looks good enough to make your mouth water. But you're not a fool, so you pull out a small chunk and place it inside your mouth. It tastes good, actually. Kinda lacks flavor, but you don't really care at this point. It doesn't make you vomit immediately. You wait a minute or two, making sure your stomach isn't going to retch this, and continue eating it slowly to not upset your stomach.

You don't realize that Spinel has been watching you carefully through all of this, and it’s right then that you notice that she probably doesn't know a thing about humans or organic beings at all. With your stomach steadily being filled and you've now got a bit of energy, your anger from earlier returns. She brought you to this planet with the idea of keeping you trapped here but didn't even bother to see if you could even SURVIVE. Your attention is back on her, rage clear in your eyes.

“Did you even think for one single, miserable second about how I was suppose to survive out here?” You say, voice nearly shaking in fury. “Do you even know what a human needs to live?”

Spinel seems taken aback for only a second before her eyebrows furrow.

"What were you going to do if I couldn't find any food and died?” You're walking closer to her. "What if I ate something that poisoned me? What if I touched something and my skin melted off? What if something attacked me and I bled out? What would you have done!? Left my body to rot on this planet, leaving you alone with it?!" Her eyes flicker with emotion that quickly turns to anger, and at this point you're standing in front of the gem, glaring up at her. You jam a finger into her chest, just to the side of her gem. “Steven would never know what happened to me, my family would never get answers. Do you even know a single FUCKING thing about humans!?”

Spinel has the nerve to look down at you with aggravation on her face as she jabs a finger back into your chest, pushing you backwards.

“Listen here, human,” Spinel says the last word with a sneer. “I searched through several planets to find you one with adequate shelter and food, because I'm a good friend.” She jams her finger into your chest again to make a point. “So if I were you, I would be a little more GRATEFUL.”

You scoff at her, placing a hand over where her finger had hit.

“OH! WOW! YOU'RE SO RIGHT!!" You throw your hands into the air dramatically. “Thank you SO MUCH for stranding me on this SHITHOLE planet with a HOMICIDAL MANIAC.” You pointedly look to her to emphasize that she's the maniac. “I am so ETERNALLY GRATE-”

Her hand shoots out, slamming your torso against the tree behind you, cutting off your supply of air. Several pieces of fruit fall from the tree above, thunking against the jungle floor around you.

“You know, you're not being a very good friend.” She draws out, holding you in place. With the wind knocked out of you and you being pressed into the tree behind you, you can barely gasp an intake of breath.

"Clearly you know nothing about being friends with anyone." You manage to choke out. Her grip on you tightens, your ribs squeezing painfully. You blink, seeing spots in your vision, your heart beating ever so loudly.

“You don’t know me. I was MADE to be a friend. I WOULD know what I’m talking about.” She spits out at you.

“You were what?” You barely manage to say, and she loosens her grip on you slightly. You take in several gasps of air.

“Nothing. You wouldn’t know.” She hisses angrily.

“What do you mean, made to be a friend!” You question her, and she drops her hand from your torso.

“I'm not talking about this. We're done here.” She retorts, and spins around to storm off. Your jaw drops as you watch her stomp off into a pathway you’ve never been.

Wow. Very mature.

You pat yourself down for a sec to make sure you’re okay, and honestly, your ribs really do hurt. You hope she didn’t fracture them, because booooy, that would suck. Your arms feel like they're starting to bruise already. You grab as many fruit your pockets and arms can hold, and set off to the pathway Spinel went through.

What the actual fuck was she talking about back there? Made to be a friend? You can barely manage to walk and carry the fruit in your arms, several keep jumping out already and you have to stop and pick them back up. You took note of where this area was, and you're pretty sure you're still within the vicinity of your shelter.

You don't make it very far when you walk directly into something, spilling your arms contents everywhere. It's.. Spinel.

"Uh.. the hell?" You say out loud and look up to see Spinel staring at something. You follow her line of sight to see a.. cave of some sort on the side of this cliff. "What is that?"

"I don't know." She says in aggravation, and stalks off over to the opening. You follow suit.

It's a large entrance, about 11-12 feet tall if you could guess. The outer edges are weirdly smooth. This cave almost seems man-made in nature, but there's something about it that tells you not so much. You can't place it yet, though. The cave seems to be pretty deep, as well. You can't see much, other than rocks and dirt and some dead leaves.

"Weird. You think the gems that were here did this?" You question out loud, not really expecting an answer.

“...No.” She says, almost hesitantly. “I don’t know what this is.” She looks like she’s about to walk into the cave, but second guessed herself and spins around to face you. “Gem stuff is different from this.”

“Hm, well.. whatever. It doesn’t matter. I still need to find water before dusk, and it’s mid afternoon, if I’m going by this sun’s position.” You say, and wipe your brow. It’s humid, and you feel gross. You don’t really want to stick around to figure out this planet’s mysteries, either.

You walk off, not caring if Spinel follows you or not. She can figure herself out. You’ve got shit to do, and she’s of no use to you other than her ability to stretch like earlier. You keep along the path you’ve been following, looking around occasionally to find any more food or something helpful. Most of the trees around you are the same type, other plantlife breaking it up here and there. There has to be a water source nearby, because you’ve been so parched you feel like a raisin. Ugh.

You pass by an area with a lot of rocks off to the side, and you can hear something. The closer you get to it, the more it sounds like running water. Just your luck!! You run over to it, and there’s a bit of a drop off, but the view is absolutely amazing.

You spot a small waterfall off to the side, and a decent sized lake in this clearing. The plant life around the edges of the water look nearly ethereal with how the vines and flowers are floating on top of the water. This looks like an oasis. You carefully place all of your fruit down off to the side by a larger rock, and run down the side to get to the water.

You get up to it, and bend down to test it with your finger first. Gotta make sure it ain’t acid water, you know? Never know with this place. It feels fine and it isn’t burning your skin, so you’re taking it as a good sign. You cup some with your hands and bring it up to your face to take a quick sniff before drinking. It smells a bit off, but you’re sure it’s just because you’re on this strange planet.

You take several small gulps, making sure your stomach is okay with it. You sit at the edge of the lake, resting your feet for a second. You feel.. a bit relieved. Okay. You’ve got food, you’ve got water, you’ve got shelter.. and you have a possible way off this planet. Maybe. You still have to find a good place to deposit the tracker. You hope Steven remembers that his matching keychain exists in the back of his bedside drawer. You.. you hope that they’re trying to find you. It’s been more than a full day, and you logically KNOW that them getting to you would take a bit of time.. but you’re worried regardless. You’ve never been in a situation so hopeless before. You’ve camped a lot, sure, and you’ve been on planets not exactly suitable for human life. But not something like this, and not with an unfamiliar, wild, mood-volatile gem.

Speaking of said gem. What she said earlier is still on your mind, and you still know nothing about her other than her name and how weirdly defensive she is about friendship. You don’t know about her age, what she was doing, why she was attacking Steven, how she KNOWS Steven.. none of it makes any sense. You’ll get your answers eventually, or you’ll get off this planet. Without her. She can stay here until that sun goes supernova for all you give a shit.

You’re lost in thought when you see ripples across the water, and you look up. There’s nothing in the water that you can see.. Ah. Off to the side.

There’s a little.. animal, drinking water a good 60 feet away from you. It’s hideous. It looks like a crossbreed of a platypus, a duck, and a goose. How unfortunate. You watch it for a few minutes, as it doesn’t see you sitting there and you can safely observe it. It doesn’t really do anything other than drink water and look around. It seems almost peaceful, with dusk setting in and the sun edging away over the trees. So there are small animals here, after all. Huh. Wonder why you hadn’t seen any before.

You’re sitting there quietly when something moves behind you, making the strange creature let out a squawk and run to hide in the underbrush.

You see Spinel’s feet walk up to your side, and internally sigh. Couldn’t even get adequate alone time. You were kinda hoping you could sit here alone to zone out and plan a different way to get off this planet as a backup plan. Well, whatever. You’ll plot later.

“We should head back. It’s getting dark, and I’d like to gather shit for a possible fire to keep myself warm tonight.” You say, and stand up. Ugh, everything hurts, and the heavier gravity is fucking with your knees. You lean down to brush off your clothes from any dirt left on you, and stretch your back. Spinel’s watching you quietly.

“Ya didn’t leave.” She states. You stare at her, a bit dumbfounded.

“Where would I honestly go, Spinel?” You sigh. “Also I’m not stupid enough to wander off right before it gets dark. I don’t know what’s out there.” You turn around to head to your ruins that you call a shelter, and gather your food back up. You’ll figure out a way to transport some water later.

Spinel gathers a couple of the fruit in her own arms, like she’s trying to be helpful. You glare daggers at the back of her head. You turn around before leaving to take in the scenery again, and burn it into your memory. You’ll be back tomorrow.

It takes nearly twenty minutes to get back to camp, it’s almost completely dark out now, and the cold is setting in. Once you’re back, you walk into the ruins to set down your food into a corner. You look to your makeshift bedding from last night, and figure you’ll try to grab more leaves once you’re done with your fire supply gathering.

You head back outside to see Spinel rummaging around in some bushes, doing who knows what. You roll your eyes, and walk back into the jungle line of trees to find some dry foliage to burn. There’s a tree you can see that’s half dead, so you peel some of its flaking bark off, as well as any of the dry looking branches. You spot a few branches on the ground as well, and gather those too.

You come back and forth a few times to get enough of a stash going. You don’t know how long you’ll be on this planet, but you’re the type of person that likes to be prepared if possible.

You wipe your hands on your jeans, proud of the pile you’ve managed to build. Spinel comes into the ruins beside you, with something in her arms.

“Uhh, what’s that?” You ask her. She’s just holding a pile of twigs and moss.

“Kindling.” She says, and raises her eyebrows like it’s obvious.

Huh. That’s.. helpful of her. You don’t know how you feel about this, so you just tell her to put it on the ground next to your pile.

“Thanks, I guess.” You say awkwardly. “I’m gonna go find leaves to make my bedding a bit better. I’m not running off, okay?” You head outside again, but not before you take a quick glance at Spinel standing there. Her expression was strange - one you haven’t seen her make before. But you have more pressing concerns right now, so you wave that out of your mind.

You can see your breath outside now. This weather is absolutely wild, you can’t believe the temperature would just drop so quickly like that. You’re shivering, so you work quickly to gather as many leaves as possible. You spot a couple of large ones, and catch yourself getting excited. You scoff out loud at yourself. Getting excited over leaves now? What’s next, getting excited when your food doesn’t make you vomit? Excited that Spinel hasn’t strangled you yet? How low will your standards go?

When you get back inside with your findings, you see Spinel over by your makeshift bed. Except it’s piled.. Comfortably high now. Like a foot off the ground, what the hell?

“Is this okay?” She finally speaks up.

“I was gone maybe five minutes, and you did all this?” You ask her, and she nods. The fuck, you’re almost touched.

But then you remember she’s trapped you here and she doesn’t actually care about you at all.

You set down your leaves in the pile, and grab the stuff you brought in to make a fire in the middle of this room. You place a couple rocks in a circle as Spinel watches you, putting sticks around in a cone-like formation. You put in the kindling as well, and grab the sticks you’re using to start the fire with.

You’ve made fires using this method before, but it’s been a while, and you’re rusty. You feel like you’ve got performance anxiety with Spinel watching you, but after a few tries (and a few expletives) you succeed in building a small fire. You sigh out loud in relief, and gather a few more sticks to build the fire with, placing them on the pile. It seems to be burning nicely. You sit by it for a few minutes, watching it to make sure it’ll be fine and not fall over, and to also get warm. Spinel sits beside you, much to your annoyance.

You gather your thoughts before succumbing to the heavy pull of sleep. If you can wake up in the middle of the night and sneak away from Spinel somehow, you can place the tracker on a hill nearby. You have a couple places in mind already. And then maybe you’ll be rescued, and you’ll never have to see this gem ever again, and you can sleep in a real bed. And take a shower. And eat real food. You sigh again, and Spinel glances at you.

She watches you for a considerable amount of time, enough for you to get irritated and get up.

“I’m gonna sleep.” You state, and walk over to plop on the bed. You feel like all these leaves don’t make any difference, comfort-wise. It isn’t as cold as before though.. so that’s a plus.

You hear a scuffle behind you, and you hope Spinel is getting up to leave. You feel a presence behind you, and reside to groaning inside your head. Ugh! Whatever! You’ll pass out soon anyway, weather she’s there or not.

You feel Spinel get in bed behind you, and she wraps her arm around your middle.

“I’m not going to leave. I told you. You can stop touching me.” You say to the person behind you. She grunts in response.

“I’m not sure I trust you yet.” She mumbles. If you could scream right now, you would.

You lay there for several long moments, letting sleep drift to you.

Your thoughts are heavy with yearning to escape, and your eyes close with the intention of waking up in just a few short hours.

#spinel x reader #spinel #su #spinel self insert #steven universe #distant lands #fic #my fic

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fourteenacross · 7 years

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so, like, i know youre a busy person, but if you get time, could you write martha manning meeting the squad and maybe molly??? -Myah

At some vague point in the future, the gang is going to a conference in the UK where they’ll meet Martha and her girlfriend (and John’s ex and his fiancée), but that’s not for awhile yet.

In the meantime, here’s some other stuff.

“Look,” the boy on the other end of the phone says, “I wasn’t saying that was gonna keep me from doing it, just pointing out a fact.”

Martha bites back a smile. “Alex?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, hi,” he says. “Martha. Mattie. Can I call you Mattie? John always calls you Mattie. Or–John calls you Mattie when he’s not thinking about it. When he’s consciously starting a story about you he always goes, ‘My friend Martha,’ like this is the first time he’s mentioning you. Or–I guess also he’s making sure I’m not mixing you up with his sister? But. Anyway. Hi?”

“I really thought he was exaggerating how fast you talk,” she says. “It’s almost all he’s said about you, really. Normally I can’t get him to stop talking about his men, but he’s coy about you.” She stretches out on the settee--she can hear Jo banging around in the kitchen, impatient to go out and meet the rest of their friends.

Across the ocean, John’s Alexander is quiet for a moment. She’s rather sure this is an uncommon occurrence. “Really?”

“That’s how I knew how much he liked you,” she says. “He answered all of five questions before changing the subject to badger me about my love life. All I got is a picture and the fact that you’re loud and obnoxious and passionate and mean in all the same ways he is, but also very sweet.”

“’Sweet?’”

“And he got all flushed and stammer-y when he said it. Believe me, I’ve comforted John through quite the parade of terrible boyfriends. He likes you.”

“I know,” Alex says. She can hear the smile in his voice, the tremor of happiness. “I love him a lot. Like...a lot. Like....”

“A lot?” she suggests.

He snorts. “That’s proof, okay? That’s solid proof of how much I love him: he’s literally the only thing in the fucking world that can leave me speechless. I wrote a fucking essay about the hurricane that destroyed the town I grew up in, I filled an angsty tween journal with my pain when my mom died, every new exciting discovery in my field gets thousands of words of dissection, but then this stupid, beautiful asshole steps in front of me and--bam! All I can do is stare and babble and make like...vague hand gestures.”

Martha knows from stammering and vague hand gestures. She glances, unconsciously, at the kitchen again. Jo is standing on a chair to rifle through a high cabinet, scowling with determination. Martha’s heart aches.

“So,” she says, pushing through her own troubles. “Tell me about you! Like I said, Johnny was vague and secretive.” He’s told her a little more than she’s letting on, but those conversations feel more private, for some reason. mattie i’m so fucking scared of how much i love him ive only known him for like a month and a half i think Im gonna throw up.

“Uh, I’m twenty-one. I’m in the same program as John. I’m an immigrant from a tiny island in the Caribbean that you’ve probably never heard of. You’ve seen pictures, so you know what I look like. I’m pretty smart. I think John has shitty taste in beer and I don’t know how he can stand to put those dumb sci-fi movies on when he’s working. Um, my favorite color is green?”

“Favorite novel?” she asks.

“Uh, To Kill a Mockingbird. Or maybe White Teeth? Or Oscar Wao? This is a hard question. Uh, John gave me The Doomsday Book, but I haven’t read it yet. He also gave me Guards! Guards! and told me if I don’t at least appreciate it, he has to break up with me, so I’ve been putting it off, to be honest.”

“Ugh, of course John wants you to start with Guards, he’s obsessed with Vimes. Ignore him, if you’ve never read any Pratchett, start with Equal Rites.”

“No, tell him to start with The Amazing Maurice!” Jo yells from the kitchen. “I mean--I’m not eavesdropping!”

“I barely followed any of that,” Alex says. “Is there someone else there?”

“Yeah,” Martha says, “my friend Jo is waiting for me to finish up so we can go meet some people. But she’s fine waiting until I’m done with you.”

“To a point!” Jo shouts, but she’s found whatever it was she was looking for in the top cabinet and seems distracted again.

“Anyway,” Martha continues, “favorite film?”

“I don’t know if I have one? I didn’t go to the movies a lot as a kid. Maybe...um--I feel like this is a test.”

“It is, to a certain degree,” Martha says. “Okay, we’ll let you pass on that one. Are you a big partier?”

“I like people, I like socializing. I don’t know that I like partying. We go out to the bar on Fridays and have a pretty good time. Sometimes we go dancing. As long as it doesn’t interfere with my work--I’m kind of a workaholic, but, you know. I make time for my friends. I make time for John. You know we’re already dating, right? And like...living together. And while I understand you’re close, I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna dump me if I don’t pass your test. Not that I wouldn’t get lost of he did dump me. I mean, unless he was doing one of those dumb self-sacrificing things he does when he’s depressed.”

And there’s the heart of it. He’s clearly seen what John can be like when he’s down and he’s still here and he’s pledging to stay through those times. That’s all Martha can really ask for. She’s an ocean away, he’s pushed away his family, and he’s all alone somewhere new. She needs to know there’s someone on his side. She needs to know that someone is taking care of him when he’s too bloody stubborn to take care of himself.

“Well, it’s fine because you’ve passed,” she tells him. “Your prize is taking care of Johnny when he’s being a pill.”

“That’s kind of a lousy prize, seeing as how I’m already doing it. But I also get him when he’s brilliant and excited, so I guess it evens out.”

“Brilliant,” Martha repeats. Her smile is downright giddy as she thinks back to all of the idiots John’s dated for the past five years.

“So brilliant,” Alex says. “And just--passionate. Brilliant and passionate and thoughtful and dedicated and...and...just...fucking radiant. He’s just--this is what I was saying, this is what I was telling you, I don’t have words, okay?”

“Okay,” Martha says, still smiling. “Well, it’s been lovely chatting with you, Alex, but I think my friend is going to disassemble my kitchen if we don’t leave for the pub soon.”

“Yeah, John should be done soon, I can hear him bitching at the doctor from here. Just one last thing--’Johnny?’”

“Did he tell you he covered for me when we were fifteen and pretended to be my boyfriend for a family visit?”

“No...”

Jo is tapping her foot impatiently by the door. They’re not even late yet, but that’s Jo--insufferable when she’s bored. Martha would strangle her if she wasn’t so pathetically smitten.

“Very quickly, then--my mother and grandmother were trying to set me up with an eligible boy back home. This was before I had even really admitted to myself that I was gay. So, while I was on the phone with them, panicked, John told me to tell them I already had a boyfriend, which I did, and then when they asked who it was and I panicked more, bless him, he pointed at himself and I told them it was him. Then, of course, when they came to visit for a family week a month or two later, we had to actually pretend to be together. Johnny was out to everyone, so there was a lot of bribery going on that week to keep other students quiet, and he was so very awkward, so everything was over the top.” Alex laughs and so does Jo, who’s leaning forward against the side of the couch to listen, now. “I called him ‘Johnny’ in this treacly voice and even after my parents went back to London, it stuck. It was a lifesaver, really--he even fell on his sword and kissed me a few times, which is what really confirmed my lesbianism. You don’t have a boy like that kissing you and feel vaguely disgusted if you’re even the least bit heterosexual.”

Alex laughs again. “Don’t I know it.”

“So, very long story short, he hated Johnny and declared that only ex-girlfriends get to call him that when Francis and some of our other friends started picking it up, which limits its usage to me.”

“Good to know,” Alex says. Then, “Hey, baby, you good to go?”

“I’ve got a script to fill, but fuck that, the ER visit’s gonna cost me enough as it is.” That’s John, unmistakably, and Martha misses him terribly all at once.

“Don’t be an asshole.”

“It’s just pain stuff. It’s basically extra strength Advil, I’ll be fine without it.”

“Yeah, whatever, don’t think I’m not gonna call Mrs. W and get her opinion, because--”

“--are you on my phone?”

“Um.”

And then grunts and grappling and muttered curses and then, panicked, “Shit, Mattie?! How long have you been talking to him? What have you told him about me? What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, darling, Jo and I are late for drinks,” Martha says, grinning. “We can make up our FaceTime date tomorrow, yeah?”

“Mattie, I swear to fucking god--”

“I love you, Johnny!”

He’s still cursing when she hangs up. Jo’s staring at her, one-eyebrow raised, which gives her one last pang of missing John, who shares that genetic quirk.

“Does he get to give your girlfriends the same interrogation?” Jo asks.

“Well, I’ve not dated anyone seriously enough to find out, yet,” Martha says, grabbing her bag and shoving her mobile into the middle pocket.

“I’m sure you will soon,” Jo says, squeezing her arm and leading the way out of the flat and down to the street.

“I’m sure I will,” Martha mutters glumly, watching Jo leave for one long, miserable second before she grabs her coat and follows.

#fic by me #hamilton #lams #alexander hamilton #martha manning #they call themselves the trash of the thing #replies

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smireyac · 5 years

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yea boi u already kno what it issssss 🍾🎆🎉🍾🎆🎉

hey so i started writing this at 8 o’ clock so i would be ahead of the game and actually have more than an hour to write but HEY its already 20 after midnight so who the eff care amiright ladies

WOOOOO 🍾🍾🎆 🎉 🎆 🍾 🎉 🎉 🍾 🍾 🍾 🎆🎆 🎆 🎉 🎆 🎉🍾 🎉 🍾🎆 🎉

so.................... its 2019.....................

i watched vox’s “2018 in 5 minutes” video and cried so thats how this year has been :^) a lot of lows......... we always think we leave the shittiest year behind then lo.............. the next year rears its ugly head and we never learn............ despite this, im gonna try to keep a positive outlook on the new year......... its literally just another day and i have to be in at work @ 9 tmrw but its what ever im already super fucking tired whats losing another hour of sleep anywahy?? its practically expected of me any way what with being a youth,,, ANYWAY i spent my time ringing in the new year watching spiderman homecoming so i think that wa sGREAt its also great that im gonna get to see spiderverse AGAIN tmrw after work so SUCK ON THAT im ringing in the new year RIGHT!! its a very spidey new year and i wouldnt have it any other way heh.....

alright

so its time.... to reflect...........

and actually reflect this time last year was weak sauce compared to the first year “im too unfocused right now happy new year or whatever” *scoffs* what r u too good for self reflecting now a days huhh

been doing a lot of self reflecting this year,,,,,, but today we will look back on how the previous years have gotten me to where i am today...

if 2016 was the year of change and 2017 was the year of getting used to things.............. 2018 felt like............ the year of getting TOO used to things, of not ENOUGH change............. like alright i scratched a few of the bigger things on my yearly “to do” list/resolutions, i. e. finally going back to school and getting a job at the library, but like.......... i definitly dont feel like i did enough........... my art game was SO WEAK and i feel like i wrote less than 10,000 words ALL YEAR (not counting my academic papers) i didnt really CREATE anything this i dont have ANYTHING significant to show for this year............and to get more negative i didnt even make any friends all year NONE FRIENDS im only *just* starting to get more friendly with people at the library thank GOD theyre nice and gave my shy ass a chance to open up but i still dont feel like ill make FRIEND friends theyre just work friends and u kno what thats making me so pissed bc its tricking my dumb ass into thinking i have a crush on someone at work aND that i want a *romantic* relationship with them!!! OUTRAGEOUS im so peeved.......................... i also still havent gotten behind a wheel but at this point im not sure if i will anytime soon bc im That Way..... grrrr im just mad thinking of all the things i didnt do so motherfucker i will make 2019 the year of DOING!!!! and i had so many resolutions last year i feel like the more i had the less i felt like i had to do them, like i was just saying all that to be like “oh wouldnt it be nice if any of these things happened lmao” so yeah 2019: the year of DOING... and since ive kinda sorta figured out that writing is my thang.... i think i wanna focus on doing that.. and anything that will help me do it

SO: #GOALS for 2K19

-WRITE AT LEAST 50.000 WORDS U COWARD, more than just “brainstorming” too bc thats like a cop out, write like stories or dialogue or scenes or scripts or WHATEVER just make it to 50,000 pls some people do that in like a month

-READ UR GOD DAMN BOOKS, u *cant* buy anymore if u dont read the ones u’ve already bought,,,, im willing to make an acception re: checking things out from the library................ but u rlly shouldnt IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO EASY TO WIN THE BET DUDE srsly..... maybe .... an hour b4 bed ? try to read ? at least try to read once a week dude....

-heres a curve ball WATCH MORE MOVIES !!! u say u love film well fuckin act like u do...... u only went to the movie theater 5 times all year and three of those were all in the last month to go see spiderverse, more than that HOW MANY movies are there on netflix that u see and go “oh i should watch that finally” or “people say thats rlly good bro” and u scroll right past to watch the same 3 fuckin movies i s2g

-oh yeah back to the writing thing, to reach that 50,000 goal u should write about what you read and watch, there u’ll prob meet the goal b4 summer if u do that bro but....u actually gotta do it....................

ok those r the 4 im REALLY gonna work on and try to keep track of in either of the journals sien got me :^) these next few i rlly want to happen but..... we’ll see

-make some friends pls.... pls be more friendly......... ENGAGE people when u have the opportunity askQUESTIONS about them like if they have a dog or a hobbie jesus h christ

-go out..... on ur own..... do stuff............by urself if u have to... go to the movies by urself go to a park, walk around down town for the fuck of it idk DO STUFF

-finish something............ for once in ur miserable life...................................... finish the vlog or the scrapbook..... or the reading list or this set of goals PLEAsE ANYTHING

im not even gonna put draw/art blog related stuff on here bc........ its not what i want........ like i love drawing and i dont think im terrible at it, im at a good place with it but i dont wanna put my energy this year into drawing stuff for the sake of me being able to say “i did it” like...... last yr and the yr b4 i rlly RLLY wanted to get better at art to idk prove that i could?? but like i havent picked up my drawing tablet in months ... that makes me really sad but i dont really feel like picking it up either? ? i said i wanted to take a painting/color theory/ life drawing class maybe i will this yr and it’ll reinvigorate my love of drawing........ tbh spiderverse got me *this close* to being pumped about art and animation and like yeah i still am, i love the medium and its still a dream of mine to be apart of it but it feels like a pipe dream if i try to go thru the art angle........ so many people r better than me at that and its not really what i wanna do,,, i wanna CREATE STORIES and worlds and characters and like i used my art to help *me* develop those but... i dont wanna use my art to do it for someone else i guess............. the art of animation itself still facsinates me so they door isnt close yet but,,, i wanna focus on the other aspect of myself that im more and at the same time LESS confident about lmao WRITING like alright,,, i think im a good writer .... sorta ? like yeah people tell me i am and sometimes when i look back on things ive written im like “dAMN i wrote this ???” but like,,,, there are some things to writing that still. escape me... like poetry.... and a lot of other aspects to it that i cant describe write now bc it would take too long and im getting cold and tired SO YEAH hopefully this english class will help me, even tho its just writting for college essays, i need to start somewhere and if shes rlly as good of a professor as rate my professor says then ill learn smthg new

where was i

well the year wasnt ALL bad, like i said i got the job at the library i wanted and FINALLY got to go to school, stressful as that mightve been........ and i got to see my love, my darling, the light of my life rhys again for one glorious week,, hopefully ill be able to see more of my friends this year? either in miami or milwuakee idc which MAYBE BOTH lmao im not that rich but hey i can dream,,,

alright its 1:12am i think im ready to sign off,,,,,,,,, here’s to DOING in 2019

🥂 cheers

#omg i talk #happy new year

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