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#anyway if you've read this far thanks for listening to my mad ramblings
illogicalghost · 3 months
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#big gender rant ahead i just need to write down my thoughts#personal#so i think im a he/him trans lesbian??#i think ive been denying my feminine side for a long time now but middle school me was right. well. half right#idk why id built up some weird barrier in my mind about being trans and being a lesbian#but now im like more sure than ever#i still dont know if i could call myself a woman. and i thought i was so adamant about not using she/her again but it honestly?#doesn't bother me that much anymore. its not my preference but its not as soul crushing as it used to be#i have these weird subliminal gender rules for myself that ive been beating myself down with even though i#understand that theyre fake and dont hold anyone else to them. so why have a double standard? cant i have a fun gender?#ever since high school its been an uphill battle just letting myself live freely and having self confidence#i just turned 24. i dont have to be beholden to stupid hormonal teenage self loathing anymore#the world is a beautiful place and gender is just made up anyway. so why cant i be trans and butch? who cares??#i think i worded it well in my last personal post. ive been living a gender of convenience#but fuck that! i want the gender that makes sense to me! that makes me happy! its my life and i should live it how i want to!#...i still have some regrets about my top surgery. i wish i wasnt so weirdly flat chested now.#but hopefully the fat will redistribute eventually and itll look more natural as the years go on..#but i definitely dont regret going on T. i love my deep voice and my body hair#anyway if you've read this far thanks for listening to my mad ramblings#and dont forget you can have a fun gender too!
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howdoesagrapewrites · 10 months
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I think it's angst time >:)
Maybe Pav and Gayatri are having their first-ever serious couple argument, and Reader just happens to walk in the room at the wrong time, causing them to either snap or yell at you. Or maybe Readers teasing goes too far, and feelings get hurt?
Maybe there could even be a chase scene, I think that would be pretty fun :3
(Anyways, this is the first pavitr gayatri anon, I've decided to name myself "Partly Cloudy Anon" based on the current weather here lmao. The Yandere Pav and Gayatri honestly had been kicking my legs!! I really love you you emphasized they weren't just lovesick for you, but also for each other!
Most yandere couples I've read had them be normal about each other and while that is fun to read, there's just something so intriguing about Pavitr and Gayatri being just as yandere for each other just as they are for the reader. I can't really put a word to it right now, but I'm just so invested in them <3. I've been rambling for quite a while now, so have a good day!)
-Partly Cloudy Anon
𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙯𝙚
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Cw: Poly!gn!reader x Pavitr Prabhakar x Gayatri Singh, arguing, aged up!characters, gaslighting, manipulation, toxic relationship,
Notes: For the most part is not yandere, but I imagined this as the moment the relationship would become more consuming eventually leading to the things I said in the yandere headcanons.
Thank you so much for your words 🥺 and I'm happy you picked an anon name, sorry if this took kinda long, I hope you have a nice day<3
You came back from work, took the key from your pocket and before you opened the door, you heard your partners raising their voices, this isn't an unfamiliar noise to get to, but this time you didn't heard any laughs along with it, you entered the doorway and as you came to the hall, the words being _yelled_ instead of spoken became more clear, you stood worried in the doorway outside of the room
"You don't understand what I'm trying to even say! You don't want to listen!"
"Maybe I don't want to listen because it's all shit excuses!"
You slightly flinched at their voices being so aggressive, you figured it'd be best if you left for a bit until they solved whatever they had going on, so you walked towards the front door, moving carefully. The fighting seemed to get closer, but you heard one particularly loud yell, it was Pavitr's.
"I don't want to hear anything from you!" The door was slammed
You cursed your luck as you stood very rigid and still while Pavitr approached. "Y/N... Are you going away?" His voice cracked and he sounded out of breath, he reached for your wrist, never hurting it. Gayatri followed him "What do you mean she's going away?" She sounded so hurt, almost mad.
You spoke, calmly, afraid they'll get you in between of what they were fighting again, you never head them had an argument before, in all the years you were together, but this one seemed bad, and you'd hate to take sides, you were dating both and loved them both, and it was okay if they had disagreements sometimes, but you didn't want to think about what would happen if it escalated. "I want you to resolve your differences, I really don't want to be in between" fear flashed past their eyes, so you quickly shut down what they were thinking "I mean going somewhere else for the afternoon, I'll be back, I'm not leaving"
Pavitr's grip became tighter.
"But you are, you are leaving." He said shakily
"You can't leave, I- it's not my fault, you can't leave if I-" Gayatri's sweet voice sounded darker than ever
You've never seen him like this, and it started upsetting you "You don't decide when I leave, I told I'll be back" you stand firm, setting a boundary, you shake your hand hoping he'll let you go, but he doesn't, he just stares at you.
Gayatri looks at you with the same souless expression. "Don't." It's all she says
"Let me go!" You are bewildered at both their sudden change of demeanor, and how rapidly they forgot their feud.
You violently shake your hand and Pavitr lets go out of surprise, you hurry to the door and start running outside, you never thought you'd have run from your loving partners, your highschool sweethearts. You run towards the street market, hopefully it'll be easier to hide.
You feel them running towards you, they see you disappear into the crowded street, Pavitr feels the urge to run and run no matter what, until he finds you, but he refuses to leave Gayatri behind, she's slowly dancing on the edge of goal-directed apathy and losing her mind, at one moment she begs her boyfriend to find you no matter what, but then she sees him get away and fears for abandonment, she needs him close, she loves, she can't lose him, she doesn't care for an argument, she doesn't even care for morals, she cares about having the people she loves by her side. Always by her side
You heard them get close, you moves in circles, waves, careful mentally choreographed steps, with so much intricacy it felt like you were dancing. Like a tango, no, not like that, you weren't being seduced, you were getting chased. Like a cueca, you evaded, dodged their advances, while they ran and showed their might, their craving to have you.
You reached a dark alley, and you realized there was no way out, you reached the end, you turned your back to the wall and looked at both in the eye, Gayatri's usually slicked and perfectly styled hair was now sweaty and messy, Pavitr's golden retriever smile was now a manic gaze and tensed muscles. You stand on your feet firm, straightened spine, talking with authority, hiding the knot of complicated feelings you had building inside you.
"I won't love you anymore if you hurt me. I want an explanation to why you chased me down the streets like I'm a runaway prisoner."
"We won't hurt you, we just wanted to talk"
"You think you can fight and take it out on me? Is this what this is about? Because you seem pretty damn close since you started chasing me"
"We'll never do that, I was scared, we were scares you wouldn't love us because we were loud and mean, it was just a disagreement, you didn't do anything wrong, Y/N" your boyfriend was so sickeningly sweet you would have find him cute if not for the obsessive dark look in his brown eyes, paired with his buff figure blocking your way, keeping you from escaping.
"You just ran into the street, we were worried, right Pav? You were erratic, we thought you could hurt yourself" Gayatri sounded so genuinely concerned you could believe her if you hadn't been there. "Relationships have bumps, meeri jaan, that doesn't mean you can run away like that" she came closer, you flinched.
"I'm sorry we triggered you, we should've known better, knowing everything you went through" she was using the things you told her, the things you trusted her to know "but as you see, we worked it out, we just want you back so we can talk about it" she held your hand in hers, oh so delicately.
You mourned for your lovers, for the truly beautiful love you had, for the ones that wouldn't snap at you for being near the door, wouldn't gaslight you and treat you like you were stupid or crazy, for the ones that wouldn't make you feel small, unworthy. And you looked at them now, nothing left of them.
They couldn't have changed just one day, and you wonder when the switch truly went off, when does a man become a monster?
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rose-colored-amy · 3 years
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So, this is a continuation to my extremely short one-shot Last Moments, Last Regrets, but it can be read as a stand-alone. Regardless, I'll leave the link of that one in here:
Also, thanks to @coeurhh for suggesting I write a second part. You're a sweetheart 🥰
She made a lovely fanart/gif, which I'm also sharing, of course:
Prompt: AU. Sakura's death goes unnoticed to everyone but the squad she protected with her life and Tsunade. Team Kakashi doesn't find out until the very end, when Naruto and Sasuke have already had their fight, and there's nothing to do about it but mourn the absence.
Warning: Mild Sasusaku and lots of angst. Team 7 sort-of-fluff (?)
—Blue Bird, Let Go—
"Hey, bastard... I know they really let us down, the village, I mean."
"Aa... "
"But I really think it's not all that bad. When we were I team, I knew you understood. It felt like having a brother, believe it."
They were watching their lives go by, shadows of unknown faces passing by them, not noticing their pain, or not caring whatsoever. Their backs were touching, but it was all cold and bleak; a bad memory. A clan slaughtered, a demon sealed. Two lonely boys wallowing in their own sadness.
"Well, even if I don't make it, I'm glad it was you, bastard—"
"Shut up, idiot." His voice sounded strained, even for his standards, but Sasuke was so tired he couldn't even bring himself to care.
"We're really dying, ah? Wanna say something? I do have things to say, 'cause there's no way I'm dying—"
"In silence?" Sasuke interrupted, but Naruto payed him no mind.
"Without telling you how much of an asshole you've been! I couldn't even keep my promise to Sakura-chan! She's gonna be so damn mad when she finds out, I'm sure she'll drag me back to life just to cave my face in—" He was rambling at that point, but it was just so comforting and normal to Sasuke that he didn't even acknowledge it anymore.
"Hn. Sakura... She..."
"She still loves you, asshole. I don't have any idea how it can be possible but—"
"I'm sorry..." It sounded rushed, but Naruto heard it perfectly, and in the darkness of their shared consciousness, Sasuke heard a resigned sigh.
"Well, it's not that bad. I cannot imagine dying beside anyone but you, bastard."
"Idiot..." He made a pause. "Me neither."
"You're both a pair of idiots!"
Suddenly, the unreadable mass of unrecognizable faces around them cleared, and one figure stood in front of them, pink eyebrows frowned in annoyance. Though this version of Sakura looked familiar, it was one none of the boys had seen in a long time. Genin, long-haired, Sakura was glaring at them, arms crossed.
"Sakura-chan! What are you doing in here?!"
Her eyes softened. "What, so I'm supposed to let you two die, after everything? No way in hell!"
"Sakura..."
"You!" She pointed at Sasuke, who flinched slightly at her rudeness. "I don't know what the hell happened, but I don't care. Lighten up and start being your moody self. We love you just like that! Don't act so repented and shit! If you're sorry stop looking like a lost puppy and start doing something about it, you asshole!" Her voice was raising with madness and it was slightly off putting to see what used to be a stuttering lovestruck preteen talking to him like that.
Naruto snorted at that, obviously delighted for not being at the receiving end of her wrath for once. It was short-lived, however.
"And you!" She pointed at the blonde; then crossed her arms. He jumped back in fright. "What is this? How dare you even consider dying after you promised to be the best goddamned Hokage in history?! Here I am, rooting for you, while you lay around like a lazy pig with your edgy bro there. You should be ashamed of yourself!" She scoffed.
Naruto's mouth was so wide open he could have caught a fly. "Lazy pig? Are you kidding?!"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, half amused, half annoyed. "Edgy?"
Suddenly, the edges of their vision began to blurr, like a genjutsu being unravelled. "Ah, someone came to help you at last." Sakura seemed relieved. Strangely so.
"Hey, Sakura-chan! You know what? You're right. I'll be the best damn Hokage ever, believe it! Just you watch!" He threw a punch to the air.
Seemingly placated and pleased with his answer, she nodded. "I know so." Then, she turned to her other teammate, who was concentrating solely on her face, mismatched eyes softened as they'll ever be. "And you'll make sure he doesn't mess up, right?"
They shared a long silence. There was something strange about Sakura aside her appearance. He could tell. "Hn. I will..."
"Hey! I don't need him watching over—"
"Sure you don't." He countered sarcastically.
"Also..." They turned to her again. "I'm sorry."
"Wha—" Naruto stuttered. "What the hell would you be sorry for, Sakura-chan?! If anything, it's the bastard here who should be apologizing to you!"
"Sakura..." Sasuke seemed to be searching for the right words, but she couldn't let them go without them listening to her. To what she needed them to know. There wasn't much time left after all.
"I'm sorry, because I wasn't what you needed..." She closed her eyes, her pretty minty orbs. Her appearance suddenly shifted, before then now standing her true self, still dressed in the standard shinobi uniform of the alliance. Her forehead protector lost to whoever knows where. "And thank you. You both made me stronger. You made me appreciate what I had. And I'll always, always love you. Our moments together like team seven... I'll treasure them for all eternity."
"Sakura-chan..."
"I know Konoha wasn't the best to you both, but don't forget the good... The wholesome moments. It's all that matters in the end... Our bonds, the bonds you managed to forge with sweat and blood... The world we live in, the world that gave me the chance to meet you. To me, that's to be cherished. Forever."
The white light started overwhelming the rest. Even Sakura's features started dissapearing.
"Live. Just live." For that, she specifically stared at Sasuke, a soft smile playing on her lips. "And thank you."
Sasuke started racing towards her, hand stretched, a forebonding understanding shaking his bones. "Sakura!"
And then, they both lost consciousness.
When they woke up, aside from feeling like shit, the first thing that crossed their minds what the finality of Sakura's words. Tsunade was beside them, patching them up, with Kakashi beside her, silently watching over them.
"About time, brats! What were you think—"
"Baa-san." Naruto interrupted her, his voice the most serious she had heard him until then.
"Where's Sakura?" Sasuke finished for him, his eyes icy and detached, trying to keep his worry at bay.
But she didn't need to answer. Her chakra flow hesitated, spiking with sorrow. Her eyes glistening with unbearable loss. Kakashi, at her side, stared, eyes widened in comprehension.
She was gone by a long shot.
And they were just finding out.
...
Everybody had different ways of dealing with loss. Naruto helped rebuild the village along with everyone else, but he skipped his usual meals, his ramen left forgotten in his kitchen counter. His movements when sparring were sloppy at best, not just because of the new prosthetic limb, but also because his mind was clearly somewhere else. Usually, Shikamaru would drag him out his makeship house, like he had done when Jiraija was gone for good. Sometimes, he would bring Ino with him, who was suspiciously skinny and messier than normal. No makeup covering the dark circles under her eyes.
Kakashi spent more than usual at the memorial stone every day, tracing the newly marked name of the girl who once remained him of Rin but that had come to claim a place for herself in his heart. Also, he took more missions than it was allowed in a month, going so far as to pick up his ANBU mask again, which caused an altercation with Tsunade, who hadn't been sober in a long time and had been hoping to hand the Hokage seat to him.
Sai avoided the color pink for a long time.
Sasuke... Well, he dealed with loss the same as everyone else... Longing for the missing person to be there, itching to have the opportunity to say what he couldn't at the time. Wanting to be alone whenever they would reach for him... And he built a tomb for her in hopes to find some closure. Not that official, because there wasn't a body to bury, and it had no name, but it was enough for him. He would bring with him camellias every day, buying them at the Yamanaka's, where Ino would always glance at him in silent understanding.
One morning, on his way to her tomb, he spotted a young shinobi leaving a white lilly for her. When he came by, the child spoke without a care, like they were acquaintances. "This is Sakura-san's, right?"
"Hn." It wasn't really an answer, but the child seemed to understand anyway.
"You know? Mama and big sister are also buried in these grounds... I always talk to them and tell them about my day and stuff I want them to know!" He turned to the Uchiha, a smirk on his cherubic face. "I'm sure she would appreciate it as well." And just like that, he left without another word.
Sasuke sat on the ground, just in front of the stone, mismatched eyes half lidded. Sensing no one in the vicinity, he exaled a shaky breath, and his dam opened up, the words longing to be said broke the silence he had been wrapping around himself since he knew of her death:
"I miss you... I've been missing you since I first left."
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