#anyway i'm gonna see if i can do 3 a week

[6ix9inewiturmom]

The Scare- Chris Sturniolo

Summary: you end up having one of the biggest pregnancy scares of your life while chris is in boston

Warnings: Cursing, Crying, use of Y/N, talks of sex, taking a pregnancy test

A/n: may be tmi but lowkey relate to this so this was easy to write LMFAOO, ENJOY

PSA: DO NOT USE MY WORK FOR “inspiration” OR ANYTHING ELSE!!

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Chris has been in Boston for the last 2 weeks, and he's finally coming home. I decided to shower and shave before he came home because that man is the most sexually active 20-year-old I've ever met, the Facetime sex at 3 am for him isn't nearly enough to satisfy both of our needs.

After my hour-long shower, I'm digging through my shared bathroom with Chris in an attempt to find my body lotion to prevent my dry ass skin in this heat when I find my box of tampons, which got me thinking I haven't had a period in a while and Chris and I aren't the safest people when it comes to sex because neither of us can even remember to put a condom on, it always fucks up my mood.

“Shit,” I say to my self.

Chris and I are only 20 and with his career there's no fucking way in HELL we can have a kid or even raise a kid, I am nowhere near ready to raise an actual child.

I open my Flo app and see the little circle that's normally red is grey ‘1 week late’

“Shit shit shit,” I say out loud again, panicking.

I can't keep it from him, he's gonna see the pregnancy test in the trash. Would he be mad if I kept it from him? Should I just tell him? Should I go to Tara?

After about 30 minutes of standing in the bathroom looking at the message in my phone, panicking about what to do, I just decided I was gonna tell Chris, he loves me, and we've talked about having kids way later in life anyway, he couldn't be mad.

I finally built up the courage and got dressed in a pair of tight ripped jeans and a baby tee, with some Converse, and sat on the couch waiting for Chris to come home going through Tiktok and whatever else was on my phone.

“BABY IM HOME” Chris yells from the stairs

I squeal in excitement as I spot Chris and run towards him. Jumping into his arms, he effortlessly lifts me, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist.

“Umm Y/N there are other people here too you know? Also, Chris get out of the fucking way so we can fucking put our shit down” Nick says in annoyance.

“Well hello to you too Nick,” I say jumping out of Chris’ arms moving out of the doorway, and letting Matt and Nick come inside the house.

“Sorry babes, we've all been up since about 6 am Boston time trying to catch our flight we almost missed because your fucking boyfriend wouldn't get the hell out of bed” Nick replies sending me a soft smile and giving me a soft hug.

“To be fair none of us went to bed at a decent time, mom was making sure we had everything packed so we didn't leave anything behind” matt defends.

“Thank you, Matt, now Y/N do you wanna take a nap? I know we were gonna go out to dinner but I'm very fucking jet lagged and kinda just want to order dinner and watch movies with you” Chris wraps his arms around my waist nuzzling his head between my neck as my hands rest on his shoulders.

“Thats fine with me i don't mind” i pull away from his embrace and smile at him.

Chris grabs his luggage and my hand and guides me to our shared bedroom. As we enter the room he seats his luggage down and plops on the bed letting out a groan of frustration.

“I have missed this damn bed, don't ask me how I slept in that bed at my mom's house for god knows how long because this one is so much more comfortable,” Chris says adjusting the way he's laying to rest his head down on the pillows. “Now after 2 weeks of no sex and just my right hand, I'm gonna need to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you” he smirks at me patting his lap and signaling me to sit on it.

“Yeah so about that” give him an awkward smile “So I didn't know how to approach this to you, 'cause you know we're not the most responsible sexually active humans” I start babbling getting nervous of his reaction based on the puzzled look on his face.

“Y/N what the hell are you getting at? cause if you don’t wanna have sex with me right now that’s fine just say that, but considering our last facetime call the constant ‘oh chris i need your cock’ was really misleading to me” he says with a puzzled faced.

“Chris i’m late” i breathe out.

“late for what? did we have reservations for dinner? did you have something for work?” he says with frustration in his voice.

“No Chris my period, I'm late, my period is LATE, I'm 1 week late today,” I say aggressively from his lack of acknowledgement.

“wait we haven’t had sex in 2 weeks? i’m confused” he sits up moving to the edge of the bed.

“last time we had sex i was ovulating, remember when i told you like a while ago that if im ovulating means im FERTILE?” i say in frustration.

“Fuck” he runs his fingers through his hair “Did you take a test? Do you know for sure that you are pregnant?” he questions

“No, and no, I didn't wanna take a test without you, and I for SURE didn't wanna hide it from you,” I say softly sitting next to him on the bed.

“So why the hell are you freaking out now? You don't know for sure that you are” he asks placing his head in his hands.

“Because you and I are nowhere near ready for a fucking kid Chris, your career, and my inability to even fucking care for myself some days, yeah there's no fucking way I can care for a child who can't even speak on its emotions, Chris” I stand up out of frustration and start pacing.

I can tell Chris obviously got upset with my statement about our ability to care for a child but i was stressed and honestly wasn't thinking.

"I want you to know that I care about you deeply, Y/N. If you are indeed pregnant, please know that I will do everything in my power to support you and our child. Even if it means giving up my career, I will do it willingly. Let's go get a pregnancy test and we can talk about everything else later, okay? I am here for you, and I will always be." he says, his voice filled with empathy and understanding as he gently cups my cheeks in his hands, rubbing them softly up and down and warm smile spreads across his face.

As our eyes meet, a warm smile spreads across his face and I can't help but return it. He takes my hand in his and gently guides me towards the living room, his grip firm yet gentle. The coolness of his skin against mine sends shivers down my spine.

“Girl, were you guys arguing? Normally after we come home from Boston it's all ‘Oh Chris more, more’ typically a traumatic event” Nick says mocking me with a smile plastered across his face.

“Y/N and I are running to CVS so well be back in a little,” Chris says walking him and me down the stairs and to my car.

The drive to CVS was filled with a bunch of conversations and laughter, talking about if I was pregnant how we would raise our child, and Chris talking about the dad jokes he's gonna have, and considering he's a triplet he carries the genetic that I'm probably gonna twins or triplets.

“How many of these things do we need? What brand is best? why are there so many options?” Chris says holding 3 boxes of pregnancy tests and struggling to figure out which one to pick “fuck it why don't we buy all of them and use one pack tonight then we'll have the extra on hand in case our irresponsibility gets the best of us” he continues.

Chris and I walked up to the front counter and dropped the boxes of tests. The worker behind the counter took a look at the tests and then looked back at us, giving us a fake smile. After ringing up the purchase, we made our way to my car.

“So do you think you are pregnant?” Chris says breaking the silence.

“I mean normally my cycles are normal and a week late is not normal at all but it could be my hormones changing or something, but I do wanna make sure,” I say glancing at Chris nervously biting his nails.

“You were right about how irresponsible we are with our sex lives but when we first started fucking we knew the risk of everything and I mean our kids would be pretty cute,” he says placing his hand on my leg and rubbing a small circle with his thumb.

Chris and I pulled up into the driveway. As we got out of the car, he held my hand tightly and carried the CVS bag in the other hand as we made our way into the house and up the staircase.

“did you get any snacks?” Nick says eating a bowl of popcorn on the couch with Matt watching the most random movie on Netflix.

“Uhm no I just got a couple of personal things” I say nervously holding up the bag and sending a warm smile to Nick.

Chris and I pretty much B lined to the bathroom, anxiously “So which one do we use?” Chris says looking down at the boxes.

“Just give me the one that says Clearblue” i say softly laughing as Chris opens the box for me and inspects it before handing me the little stick.

“Do you want me to hold the stick while you piss? I'm sorry I have no idea how these things work” he says laughing allowing his back to slide down the wall and sit with his back against the shower door.

“Chris it's fine i know how to use these, believe me my friends in highschool weren't the most responsible either” I say laughing beginning to pee on the little white and blue stick.

“So how long do we wait?” Chris says helping me take a seat on the floor next to him.

“5 minutes” I breathe out setting a 5-minute timer on my phone and leaning my head against the shower door.

As we sat in the bathroom, waiting for the pregnancy test to show its result, the silence felt palpable. It wasn't an awkward silence, but rather a deafening one that seemed to fill the entire room. With just the two of us present, we anxiously waited for the five minutes to pass.

“Would it be a bad thing if I wanted it to be positive?” Chris chuckles.

“I wouldn't necessarily say a bad thing, there's a part of me that kind of wants it to be positive too” i smile back at Chris.

The alarm on my phone quickly broke the once-loving moment sending us into a panic. Chris and I stand up walking to the counter.

“Wait should we film it in case you are then we could always have it if you could be pregnant?” Chris’ gaze softens as he looks at me.

“Chris not the time” I softly laugh out.

“Right,” he nods smiling back at me. “WAIT” he grabs my hand “Whatever happens, I love you,” he says in a serious tone.

With a warm smile, I gaze lovingly at him and reciprocate his affectionate words, "I love you too Christopher." However, my attention is quickly drawn towards the counter where the pregnancy test lays face down, taunting my nerves. With trembling hands, I muster up the courage to pick it up and slowly turn it around to face me, my heart pounding in anticipation of the result.

‘Not Pregnant’

“YES, MORE CREAMPIES” Chris shrieks wrapping his arms around my waist and picking me up, and spinning me around as I giggle out of excitement.

He carefully seats me down back flat on my feet. Our moment was quickly interrupted by both Nick and Matt barging through the door.

“ARE YOU GUYS- wait is that a pregnancy test? Y/N ARE YOU PREGNANT?” Nick yelled as Matt's eyes widened at the little blue stick in my hands.

“Please for the love of god, I don't want a little Chris running around, or two, or even three” Matt places his hand on his forehead.

“No she is not” Chris chuckles at the boys’ comment.

“THANK YOU,” matt and nick say in unison.

“Wrap it before you tap it next time Chris,” Nick says walking away and back to the living room.

“Now I'll say it again, after 2 weeks of Facetime sex I would like to absolutely fuck your brains out” Chris says smirking down at me.

“Please do” I smile as he picks me up gripping the backs of my thighs as my legs wrap around his waist leading me to the bedroom.

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A/N pt 2: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THISSSSSS AND TYSM TO @cosmicmistake42069 FOR THIS INSPIRATION!!

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo

[chaosdefinedcomic]

<<Previous (Beginning) Next>> The plot thickens! Bit by bit. Welcome back! I apologize that I'm not a fast artist. Or a faster artist, rather. One week's not that bad for three pages, honestly.

#chaos defined #sonic fancomic #sonic comic #tails #sonic #sunny #chaos defined comic #spoonicks #I cannot tell you how excited I am to get this idea off the ground #it has been in my head for years and I can only draw so fast #I really hope you're getting into it! #it's not much right now because i have to establish SETTING and PACING and TONE and UGHHHH get all that STORYTELLING stuff first #Before I can get to the MEAT #anyway i'm gonna see if i can do 3 a week #we'll see how that goes #reblog if you're into it! it lets me know people wanna see more!

[biscuityskies]

admiring from afar

Obi-Wan’s heart had been crawling higher and higher into his throat the longer Master Windu talked, until it got to the point where he felt it was about to leap out of his mouth. He was sure a fierce blush was coating his ears and cheeks - though he could chalk it up to the Coruscanti summer if really need be. “And you need to take someone with you,” Windu had finished, leaning back in his chair. “A Jedi is preferred due to the skill set required, but given the circumstances, you need to pick someone with whom you can really sell this. The choice is yours, Obi-Wan. You have two hours.” Obi-Wan bowed and left in a daze, immediately comming the only person he could trust with this. Now, Cody looks rather the opposite to how Obi-Wan had felt. The longer Obi-Wan talks, the paler he gets, like his stomach is dropping to his toes without any plan of returning. 

behold. my entry for day 6 of @codywanweek. (LISTEN I KNOW IT SAYS 1/? RIGHT NOW BUT HOPEFULLY EVENTUALLY IT WILL SAY COMPLETED OKAY I'M HOPING FOR THAT JUST AS MUCH AS YOU)

this fulfils the prompt "undercover" (and will hopefully eventually fulfil flimsiwork and tea (and potentially force sex. we'll just have to see))

#codywan week #codywan week 2023 #dani writes #hoping i can finally write a chaptered fic for once #like hoping beyond hope. oh man #anyways i'm plastered ! gonna go see what i can do about tomorrow's fic >:) #which will likely be pure fluff and smut with no plot in sight. but no guarantees. #anyways gn <3

[justablah56]

hmm I think instead of feeling bad I will simply project this bad onto The Character . for funsies .

#just blahs #not gonna do anything abt it bcs idk how i could but ovuehncke sparrow with scrupulosity ocd <3 #just consider with me sparrow being terrified of accidentally saying anything wrong or offending literally anyone #and her completely accidentally saying smthin offensive and trying to figure out how to properly deal with that #without just making the whole situation about herself rather than the person she actually offended #bcs shes afraid that makes her a bad person who just didnt care enough to be aware of herself #gets a bit venty past this point but guys im literally pinky promising you rn I'm ok and ill figure it out please no one bring it up to me #and nobody think about the fact that im projecting rn just think about sparrow ok #this is my way of dealing w similar stuff w/o making it about me bcs ik that thats a shitty thing to do and i need to work it out myself #aughhncns literally every time goddamnit . i accidentally do smthin wrong and then someone (very kindly !!!) tells me hey that was wrong #and then i have a breakdown about it and feel bad and overthink it for the next like week #jesus fucking christ ok it's fine im being patient with myself and i know no one thinks im a bad person #and i know that they know i didnt mean it #and i know that i did say smthin insensitive and thats just something i have to be aware of #and the fact that i said it doesn't mean that im a terrible horrific irredeemable person #i'm trying my best now to be aware of it and be better and think abt whst they said and that's all i can do and thats ok #its fine . #anyways . #also hi cookies if you see this genuinely thank you for telling me tho like i do appreciate it and i am ok dw

[beesinspades]

i'm very :3 because the dark urge being fully customizable might be thanks to my very enthusiastic suggestion as a playtester.....I mean maybe other playtesters who came after me (my group was apparently the first to try the dark urge out, at least in gent, because the group before us didn't even know that origin existed) suggested it too, I don't know, but :3 even if I'm just one of the people who suggested it, I'm :3 because HELL YEAAAAH!!!!

I loved the dark urge so much (even though I couldn't finish my playthrough with them, since they were my second playthrough of the playtest) that i was like "this is too good, since they're not a companion origin story u guys need to make it possible to play them as any race not just the dragonborn variations"

AND THEY DIIIIID i'm so happy!!!!

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bee talks #I legit screamed when they said it during the last panel from hell #finally i can talk about this #me playing with my customized dark urge character: HEHEHEHE THIS IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTEEED #also insane to see my name in the credits like wow #also idk maybe it was always planned for the dark urge to be fully customizable but #during my playtest they could only be a dragonborn #and all the promo art/etc is the dragonborn #so I assume it wasn't?? #wish my memory wasn't so bad because i suggested it at least twice but i don't remember if i did it only in written form or aloud as well #in which case they didn't tell me 'oh yeah we were already gonna do that' because i would've remembered that at least #ANYWAY ANYWAY #I'M JUST EXCITED #also i might have something to do with the alchemy window #because there wasn't any and i was the idiot with no healer in my party whatsoever so i was relying on potions and so on day 2 or 3 #I complained that alchemy wasn't intuitive enough and the dev looked at the other dev like 'oh yeah we could ask to add that' #'shouldn't be too hard' #and then two weeks later they asked us to focus some of our feedback on alchemy specifically #but tbh i doubt i was the first and only one who suggested an alchemy window because god crafting straight from the inventory was HELL #it was all trial and error digging in the inventory trying to find the components #and there was no alchemy pouch. and no 'automatic' recipes. pain and suffering #lastly: if we get an ace character / ace romance options in the next divinity game: you're welcome #anyway sorry what are these tags god i can't shut up can i #i'm just so happy i got to have a small tiny part in this amazing game!!! #it's wonderful seeing everyone enjoying it so much the devs are so passionate and worked so hard!!! #and I'm having a blast too playing it without all the bugs and unfinished cutscenes bahahaha #BG3 GOTY!!!!!

[thedreadvampy]

idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just

like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings

but like

I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.

like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.

#red said #the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early #metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of #Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together #but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant #i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning. #what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose. #i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy #so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that #but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person. #but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go #i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it #but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving #i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry #right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone. #that kind of thing. it's a safety thing. #it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it #but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that #and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time #anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

it’s crazy how women speak to each other so little on this show that kate and sun having one scene together feels like an oasis in the desert. do not get me wrong lost is fine with women it just does NOT pass the bechdel test most episodes unfortunately. nothing to be done we already got once upon a time out of it i wouldn’t ask for more. anyway. kate and sun 🫶

#lostposting #gonna stop the episode now cuz um. well i finished my nails and it’s reading time i decided #might read a real book. might have some fanfiction time. who knows #those people on tiktok who say they read these longass fanfics in like three days are insane to me what do you mean you read it in 3 days #it's taken me 2 weeks to get almost halfway through this one and it's only 600k #what do you mean you read c****** r***** inn three days #you have to be lying. there's no way. or am i an idiot who can't read. #or do they simply have literally actually nothing else to do with their lives. #like. i have work in the morning. i have naps to take after that. #ok those people just have to be unemployed because there's o way you can be clocking in to a job and then going home and reading an #800k word fanfic in three days. like you're unemployed. #I'M unemployed in the mind but YOU are unemployed in the body fr.... #anyway. see you whenever i have to comment on whatever i end up reading <3 #peace and love on planet earth and lost island

[heavenknowsffs]

Sorry for another vent post but here goes

#like i'm not looking for a relationship ok ? but i met this guy and we've been hooking yp #but like he is being all sweet and caring and he is great don't get me wrong #he's like eddie munson i'm not gonna lie #but at the same time he doesn't get my jokes and when i make a sarcastic comment or something funny he always thinks i'm being honest #and then he's too sweet if it makes sense in normal convos? BUT if i am ganuinely distressed (which i am a lot you guys know) #he is just not very emotionally intelligent 😬 and like it's all fun and wtv but i feel like he might like me more than i like him #and i called him babe once bc i had this girl friend who calls everyone babe and i spent like 3 days with her so i called him that #and now he always calls me babe and i'm like 😐 pls stop but i can't tell him to stop bc it will seem rude #and yeah my friends that know him are like he's such a cool guy and so sweet and everything and it looks like we're dating #but like we're not man we're not i met him a few weeks ago #anyway i think in reality i'm trying to find bad things about him just so i can justify not liking him and sabotage the whole thing bc + #+ i'm too afraid lmao #i think i'm emotionally unavailable and don't want a relationship or feel ready for it at all #i feel like i'm starting that age most ppl have at 18/19 of exploring and just vibing except i should have gone through that then #but i never got the change bc of abusive relationships and being at home and not having freedom to just exist #and now i do and i feel like if i start dating someone i'll lose my freedom again #which should not even happen in a healthy relationship but that's how i feel #maybe will talk about this to my therapist see what he says #i think i know what he will say like 'you're just afraid don't think about it too much tell him how you feel' #and i HAVE told him generally how i feel and that i don't want to move mad about it and he was like 'no were just getting to know eachother

[dredshirtroberts]

okay. i cleared out the space under my bed so the princess will have so much MORE room for activities than she previously did. at least until Saturday and we move to the new place and she can decide if she's going to play nice with the boys finally.

#i was really underutilizing the under the bed space #not that i had a lot that could go in there but like just conceptually there was a lot of open space #also a whole fuckin pillow for some reason #anyway... my bookshelf STILL has books on it 3 bankers boxes later #i have a BAJILLION chotchkies i gotta figure out how to transport (absolutely already have gotten rid of things that aren't important) #(still have approximately a bajillion don't at me bro i know) #we're gonna figure out the stuffy transport situation #i'm planning on just throwing my clothes into the back of my car wherever there's space when we get to that part #because fuck it i don't care if it's enclosed in something if it gets dirty there's a washer and dryer in the new place #and i've already got plans to wash so much clothing #i have a whole ass hangup about laundry and i'm going to do my best to overcome that this next year #i'm also trying really hard not to overspend on spoons because i want to be able to help AND enjoy my birthday activities #(weather permitting) on friday AND also be kind of useful while we're settling into the new place over the next week #it is very nice that i do not have to do everything all by myself because i've been able to take the rest breaks i need #i'm doing very good at not panicking i'm really hoping it'll last until we're most of the way done already and i can just #point to all the things that are already done and go ''eh it's fine see?'' at myself #and then not actually panic. #we'll see how that goes lmao #okay lunch time i gotta get up and do that before i forget i preheated the oven

[kittlyns]

Samsung guy also had the audacity to tell me to "just make a new account" and I got so mad cuz like. my only hope of seeing any of my memories from the past 5 years of my life are connected to that one account, and it's not even a guarantee. But it's still a small hope and I'm not giving it up.

#so I told him my daughter died and my only chance of seeing her again if I was able to log in to the cloud from my samsung account #shitty thing to do? yes ofc. #but also I'm frustrated with people continuously telling me to just make new accounts when my entire life from the age of 10+ is trapped #inside of accounts that I'll never be able to get into again without the help of like. 3 key accounts. #and 2 of those 3 have done fuck all to help #I'm just tired and this entire week has been a nightmare. #and it has been 8 days now. 8 days of damn near endless agony. #I'm gonna get a goddamn ulcer at this rate #anyways. I'm gonna try again tomorrow. My mom will let me use her phone to call a few places and hopefully I can get everything sorted out #please. god. universe. whatever or whoever. the bitch that cursed my ass. #it was funny and I've learned a very valuable lesson of hubris and patience and whatever else I was supposed to learn #can I just be okay now. can it be over. can I get on with my life and go back to being depressed over stupid shit #I'm just soooooo tired now. #flip-flopping between apathy and rage is an exhausting exercise

[svtskneecaps]

i keep hearing noise about a linked universe discord where is this. where can i find this. i wanna lurk.

#not kpop #shut up vic #considering i have stuff i should be doing and i'm embarrassed to be asking about alternately nitty gritty and blindingly obvious loz lore #i probably wouldn't SAY much #but would love to be a fly on that wall #linked universe #this week on the wiki isn't helpful: can people in loz actually see the great fairy fountains why is pikango like 'would LOVE #to see a great fairy fountain please take a picture and show me' when the fountain is literally right up the hill just walk up there #why is the great fairy at kakariko losing her power there's a whole village down there that knows she's up there they talk about her #they're like 'our protector' so give her rupees?? are they just poor??? but they clearly have commerce considering the carrots and pumpkins? #i am confused please advise #anyway it's only relevant to linked universe in that i got brainrot and wrote 35k and then started thinking too hard about the world #but it got me thinking abt the legendary discord i've heard offhanded mentions of a few times #idk it's 3:34 am i need to be awake in like 6 hours anyway #gonna send this into the void and see what happens

[vulpinesaint]

in other news i get two weeks of summer break!!! :D i thought my summer classes were going to just lead me straight into school again but i do actually get some breathing room before it all starts up once more :D

#can't WAIT to be back in french class i'm gonna have so much fun #and like! ten thousand english classes!!!! everybody say yayyyyyy!!!! #gonna see what i'm taking rn actually. chronicle it #taking literary theory + criticism ; us literature 1 ; folklore and mythology ; sacred texts ; nd emerging lit in global context #on the waitlist for the emerging lit one. but i am first on the waitlist so. it's practically my class already #absolutely no doubt that someone will drop if i'm not just allowed to crash #even if i don't get it it's no big deal though honestly! it would be my only tuesday/thursday class so i wouldn't have to be on campus... #spending five days a week on campus is pretty silly. i got through it last semester but it'd be nice not to have that #nd i'm at 18 units with that class so if i don't take it i'll be back down to 15 which is totally reasonable #bracken's favorite hobby is actually being completely insane with his school + work schedule #18 units and i'm still like 'yeah i wanna work 20 hours though' #you have clinical issues. shut up. #anyway hopefully i'll be able to work 20 hours a week on top of this sdkfjghdsf #if monica gives me morning shifts! i can do that easy peasy (afternoon shifts are 5 hours instead of 3 and a half now. kiss kiss) #so two + a half afternoon shifts a week and a couple morning shifts... we're so set #'bracken when will you have time to do homework' that's a problem for me to solve by just not having free time <3 #one of my classes is asynchronous so. ha. haha. i'm sure i'll have appropriate amounts of time to do work. #mondays + wednesdays i have class straight from 1:30 to 7 but it's FINE! it's FINE! #i'm sure i will be very reasonable about it #i got through my three hour 5-8 film lecture last semester. so i can do anything #would i prefer morning classes? oh absolutely. but having the morning for homework will still be good for me #so excited to be back in school i love school so much #( <— has been in school this whole time w/ summer classes ) #OH MY GOD I WAS GONNA SAY THOUGH. I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED TO TAKE FOLKLORE AND MYTHOLOGY #anyway #valentine notes

[twilit-tragedy]

god fucking damn my life, bro. I find a couple of ants in my room and immediately freak out. I start feeling shit crawling on me and turn on a flashlight to go look for some hidden source, already hyperventilating. And then I remember I woke up late and didn't take my morning meds. Girl, we have a balcony and my mom keeps plants there. Calm the fuck down. You like having the window open. It's FINE. It's just ants.

Last weekend I skipped my morning meds two days in a row cuz I woke up late and I feared sertraline insomnia - which, yes, in hindsight was a bad idea - and on Sunday I had a full meltdown. Granted, also period-related, but god fucking damn it. I tore my whole room apart. I couldn't vacuum under my bed easily because of my desk's placement so I decided I was going to move furniture around and reorganize my room. On a Sunday afternoon, in the summer and with tendonitis. All cuz I saw some ants and couldn't verify with my own two eyes every corner of the room. And because I couldn't physically move the wardrobe and bookcase, I guess I took out my anxiety with the remaining furniture. And god fucking damn it, here I am again a week later.

I keep finding ants (3) running on my desk all of a sudden while I'm SITTING THERE and have no idea ("no idea") where they're coming from (engage the phone flashlight routine). I moved this bitch AWAY from the window and they're fucking HUNTING me or smth (it's 35ºC out, girl). I hate my life. And I hate that any suggestion of bugs makes me start feeling shit on my skin that isn't there. Dumb fucking brain. Anyway I need sleep and to take my sertraline asap or else.

#i can't express to you how badly I was doing last week #my mom wasn't home when I was remodeling but I was fantasizing about screaming: #''take those plants out of my side of the veranda or i'll throw them OR myself off the balcony'' #i'm not suicidal don't worry it would be for the drama of the ultimatum #and then I took my meds the next day and I was calmer lol #but this has happened before. i believe this entire formication / almost delusional parasitosis started cuz i'm allergic to mosquitoes #and as a kid who lived with 3 grown people and had no power over them to close their damn windows - I attracted all the bugs #and I couldn't sleep and I heard and felt them near me and it was a horrible time #still at 23 i can only either pass out from exhaustion or more often find and kill them before I can sleep #when I was 14 or smth our cat also got fleas and I spent the most paranoids nights of my life suffering cuz they got into my bed #last year I slept over at a friend's house for a night and brought back what must've been a SINGLE flea #I'm not kidding you when I say I quarantined my room and slept in the living room for over a month. i was panicking #(i've since started anxiety meds) #I legit feared we had bedbugs and was looking at every single outlet and corner of my bed #our cat recently caught fleas and I combed through him to pick them out every day. that experience actually calmed me down about them #but it's when you can't see them / where they're hiding that's the problem #(it also taught me to let my cat in my room and then fleas become his problem LMAO) #(cuz his long fur 24/7 is way better than my legs for 8h I've been told lol) #anyway point is I get freaky when I suspect bugs are hiding somewhere #and that they're gonna bite me and I'm going to get super itchy and not be able to sleep #i start feeling shit on my skin and yes i know that's not normal. and I have to look at it to convince my brain to ignore it #i get jumpscared by my HAIR falling on my arms girl. that's embarrassing #what i'm ANGRY about is that this is about ANTS. who want NOTHING to do with me and every to do with idk leaves and crumbs #and I KNOW they're from the veranda. but nooooo someone is dumb and skipped her meds and now she's withdrawing and freaking out. about ANTS #EMBARRASSING. #as i'm typing this i'm scratching at myself for what is most likely 1) nothing 2) my hair or 3) cat fur #i'd bring this up to my therapist but he abandoned me </3 like they all do </3 i'm gonna develop abandonment issues at this rate LMAO #so uh anyway imma finish what I was doing (lie) and go to sleep (eventually) and take my meds #and hopefully remember to mention the formication to a health professional at some point lol #i just needed to write this down as evidence of how i'm feeling rn so tomorrow I can read this and say ''wow that was silly'' mkay? kay

[numbuh424]

.

#I try to always remind myself that if me from 3 or 5 or 8 years ago saw my art she'd be so stoked abt it #bc the algorithm is almost never in my favor and it's hard not to sometimes feel :/ when I work on something for so long #and literally right after posting it I alr see it gathering dust lol #the algorithm is especially gonna be a huge asshole towards me now that I'm busy with school and can't post regularly #but it's not like it was any different anyways even when I was posting literally every week #I have my excuses now for not posting regularly but if posting like once or twice a month has no difference from posting like twice a week #then I may permanently just slow my posting bc it is genuinely hitting how hard I was trying to get a fully rendered new thing out weekly #idk idk drawing is so fun and I could do it forever but posting it online sometimes does not bode well for how I perceive my work #yes likes n follows don't matter in the grand scheme of things blah blah blah but a steady following can't hurt #especially since that sometimes translates to getting more commissions #or hell just hearing something abt my work in return #I spend way too much time wondering what it is I'm doing wrong and cope with it by starting a new piece everytime #hence why I draw as much as I did/do lol #this turned out to be longer than I expected I hope no one read thru all this go look at my art instead #elle is talking again #dumps this all on tumblr so I can continue to seem mysterious and nonchalant on other social media 🚶‍♀️

[yukinyaminyato]

got a seasonal job as a candle seller & this was just the first day and i already wanna kms why the fuck did i decide to take a job in addition to being a full-time student w/ a bunch of deadlines quickly approaching

#the last customers came literally 5min before closing and bought 170€ worth of candles & soap..... i had to stay overtime 😑 #well anyways let's see if i can last a month with little to no sleep :) bc i guess i have to start doing my schoolwork at night #I didn't want to take a job but my mom kinda rlly pushed me to do that so. yay for no free time starting now. #it's just 2 shifts/week but i have lectures the other 3 days & the 2 remaining days will go to studying. #i'm afraid i'm gonna die from stress #maybe im overexaggerating but im so fucking tired & ive had a headache for two days. just let me be dramatic #my posts

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

literally all i have been doing the past two weeks is Wanting. they call me the wanter the way i'm wanting things i can never have

#yearning longing whatever you wanna call it #needing as well but to a lesser extent because you can only need to a certain degree before it becomes wanting. lusting for sure #i have not stopped since the year started and i don't see an end in sight yet. i literally can't even think straight anymore #i literally cannot do anything or get anything done i mean i'm bad at that usually but like i genuinely think i've lost it #and as someone who never had it to begin with... idk!!!! #it's like i'm afraid to lose focus on it as if it isn't a constant choice i keep making when i wake up #i must remember that i can give up anything if i decide to. everything could change tomorrow #not looking at him for 2 hours will not make the feeling go away... pls be convinced brain #because i have not been sleeping well </3 #and i'm becoming hard to be around again. people can just instinctively tell when i'm being weird #it is important that i be as realistic as possible while being the most deranged person on earth #wouldn't want to hurt myself again lmao... but i always do anyways so i just gotta let it happen #anyways i'm gonna try to watch harold and maude sometime today and also watch another movie bc we are only 4 weeks into 2024 #and i already fucked up the 'watch a movie a week' thing i've been doing LMAO all because i wanted to look at a man #i'm ridiculously fucking braindead #not upset about it tho that's just who i am. brain is fully developed in 2 weeks and 1 day so it's never gonna change sadly #atp growing and changing are not impossible but if i do not see a reward of being loved at the end of the tunnel i will end up dead #and it's fine it's all so fine