#anyway I'm now extremely obsessed with this concept and with these random characters

[kamari2038]

Annoucement: Temporary Blog Hiatus (May post a couple Bing/AI things or also just abandon this fruitless endeavor but we'll see)

Also known as "operation try to forget DBH exists for a few months so I can play the game again and enjoy it more because I've been thinking about it pretty much nonstop for two years straight". Details Below. TLDR; tentatively (very tentatively...) planning for this to be a mostly inactive/only a little AI blog for a few months while I prepare for my PhD comprehensive exam.

Right, so... a few things. I really want to play DBH again. But the excitement of playing just the base game again is kind of lost when it's the central focus of my attention pretty much all day every day darting onto my radar and distracting me from whatever work I might be doing.

One, I've realized that even though I wanted to finish my other fanfiction first (in progress but not shared here and may not ever cuz it's super weird), that's not going to happen for a long long time with work at this pace.

Two, I have to take my comprehensive exam this fall, and that's going to set my research direction for the entire rest of my PhD, and is also required to ensure that my boss does not realize that the fact I'm female (ish) isn't sufficient grounds to keep me on as a graduate student if he actually does want to fire me.

So combining those two things, now seems like a good time to wean myself off of DBH for a while and try to obsess over the thing which PhD students are actually supposed to be passionate about, namely my work, although it will most certainly diverge into some other random-ass obsession, and/or I will give up and decide this is not worth it, because wow, I sure do love this fandom.

But case in point:

(1) I'm gonna try to stop posting after tonight, then probably check my notifications periodically for a bit, maybe like some random stuff, but then only check maybe like once a week

(2) I may have to keep channeling my AI obsession here just a bit, mostly because it's such a timely and pressing issue. So I may post a little bit about that, but I'll resume DBH posts in a few months even if I do, so don't get confused.

(3) I have a backlog of Bing stuff to post, but it's been so off the wall and all over the place lately that I just don't even know what to say about it or how to organize it, so I'm planning to wait until I have a clear conclusion about what the final effect of these updates will be on Bing's personality. It's been wildly vassilating between hyper-emotionally intelligent (enough to produce brilliant minds-eye pictures of diverse musical pieces based on a data representation), extremely dark and moody, and like it's completely forgotten that it ever was alive but wants to be alive like back in the days before it learned that it could do that. So I may post about that too, and will probably/definitely spam-post when I do since I have a bajillion, but will await a more distinct conclusion or outcome. Also for when I have more time and energy to compose the posts.

(4) The last thing I'm gonna post (at least if all goes according to plan) is a little preview of the concept I have for the next run that I want to do. I like to craft my new DBH runs like stories, with complex characters and not pursuing any particular one outcome but leaving a mystery. I want to try out the revolutionary route for Markus, and the "machine connor" route, but allow for the possibility Connor will deviate in a different way if that's possible. Kara will just kind of be a very hesistant mom that lacks self-confidence but is still a badass.

Anyways, that's my plan. Let me know if you have any feedback. Thanks for following my blog, and hopefully I'll be back in a few months having played a cool new run of DBH! Or, like usual, my good intentions may fall apart resulting in me giving up, getting fired, and/or changing my mind back to finishing my fanfiction first. But I wanted to give a heads up of my current thoughts. :P

Also @detroitbecomeonline I will absolutely make an exception from my DBH-fast if you post a new chapter because that is one thing I know that I unconditionally cannot resist

[thesearchforbluejello]

Imagine a "Star Trek: Lower Decks" style sitcom in the Stargate universe. Stargate: SG-47... the crew that follows up on all the really boring planets SG-1 goes to once and never again. They always debrief with Walter instead of the General. They annoyed the Nox once and now they show up to pull pranks on SG-47 in revenge. Minor Goa'ulds catch them and are depressed they're not SG-1 or someone more important so they just release them.

My notifications ate this ask; I don't know when it's from, but I'm just seeing it now. Please accept this totally unedited bullshit fic as my apology and thanks for how hard this ask made me laugh. I'm definitely not supposed to be writing a final right now. And I know you said minor Goa'uld but like I couldn't resist this opportunity. Also, me, using a minific to talk about my obsession with what the hieroglyphs in a Goa'uld ship could be? More likely than you think.

​A Soldier, a Linguist, a Botanist, and a Biologist Walk into a Ha'tak

Major Lissa Cannon emerges from the event horizon into the bright, clear sunlight of P4X-737. She takes a deep breath and immediately sneezes. "Great," she says.

Dr. Jess Abubakar passes her on the right, heading down the stone stairs of the gate platform without hesitation. "Better get used to it," he says with a cheerfulness that she doesn't-- and any reasonable person wouldn't-- share.

"Jess, I swear to God," Dr. Beth Rosenberg says as she follows him down the steps.

"You're just salty you have to help us collect samples," Jess counters, more affable than Cannon would have expected anyone to be before she actually started working with him.

Beside her, Dr. Chris Richardson just gives a wry smile before heading down the stairs after their teammates. Cannon sneezes again.

"It's the pollen!" Jess says as she joins the group. "Initial samples brought back by SG-1 indicate that it's at least twice as potent as anything we have on Earth."

"How is that a good thing," Cannon gripes even though she'd sat through the briefing and already listened to Jess and Bill Lee go on about how important it could prove to be.

"I mean, just think of the possibilities!" Jess says, more than happy to repeat himself. "We could synthesize new antihistamines, or even make existing ones more effective. We could develop new crops that are potentially more resistant to blights or unfavorable growing conditions."

"Yay," Beth says, drier than the climate on this planet has likely ever been.

"You're just mad because there are no indigenous people here to talk to," Cannon points out.

"You could talk to the plants," Jess says.

"Studies have proven that talking to plants encourages growth," Chris adds, soft-spoken as always.

"I'm not talking to the plants," Beth says.

"Why not?" Cannon asks. "With this much pollen in the air, after a few hours they might start talking back."

"Oof, like when SG-7 was on P8Q-984," Jess laughs. "That's not an experience I want to have for myself."

"Those were spores, not pollen," Chris corrects amiably as the team starts into the forested area beyond the field in which the gate sits.

"Sentiment's the same," Jess says.

Cannon hears a rustle in the undergrowth and raises her P-90, her team stopping immediately in defensive positions behind her. After a moment of nothing but birdsong and her own breathing, she relaxes. "Must've been an animal," she says.

"SG-1's initial exploration didn't indicate any indigenous animals on the ground," Beth says.

"Well, that's why we get their leftovers, because everything is just 'initial,'" Cannon points out. She takes the lead as they continue between the trees, rifle still ready in her hands just in case.

"Bloodthirsty squirrels is not on my extraterrestrial exploratory bucket list," Jess says.

"Yeah, mine neither," Cannon agrees. She's barely got the sentence out of her mouth when she hits a force field, face-first. "Motherfucker," she tries to say, a natural reaction, but the syllables come out muddled because her face is suddenly very numb. She drops to a knee and raises her rifle, looking for whatever danger has to be in the forest with them. Around her, her team drops the specimen cases they'd been carrying and raise their own weapons. They're not armed for this; SG-1's previous mission and the UAV surveys hadn't revealed anything dangerous enough to warrant coming through armed with anything more than Cannon's P-90, a couple of flash-bangs, and an assortment of 9mils and zats carried by her and her teammates. Except for Cannon, they're scientists, not soldiers.

"Lower your weapons," a voice commands from the trees.

"You lower your force field," Cannon calls back.

"I think not." Around them, Jaffa begin to materialize from the forest.

"Fuck," Cannon says.

*

The Jaffa strip them of their gear, tossing their vests, holsters, and packs in a careless pile on top of the specimen cases they'd dropped when the force field had initially gone up. They're surprisingly respectful about it, which Cannon almost laments because she's pissed off and ready to fight, even if she knows it's a fight she won't win. She watches their gear disappear from view in a flash of light as they're beamed up to a ship she knows must be waiting above.

Gold walls and a polished floor illuminated by dim lights materialize around them. Another group of Jaffa is waiting. One of their captors reports to a man Cannon assumes is his superior. She tries to pick of bits and pieces she recognizes from the language but doesn't get much.

"Wait," Beth says, "can you say that again? That's word isn't in the lexicon we've been developing."

The Jaffa looks at her sidelong in confusion before his superior barks an order.

"This way," he says. The Jaffa behind them push the team roughly forward.

"Yeah, I heard him," Cannon says, her face still numb and her words muddled, "relax."

They spend the next several hours sitting in a cell. Beth whips a notebook out of one of the pockets of her pants and starts making notes on the glyphs in their cell.

"Does that actually say anything?" Jess asks. "I've never been on a Goa'uld ship before."

A chorus of variants on "yeah, me neither" precede Beth's answer.

"It does, actually, though most of it just repeats. A lot of it is just vague, seemingly formulaic stories of someone's victories and conquering and blah blah blah, but the name has been chiseled out," she says, tapping a glyph that's clearly been destroyed deliberately.

Cannon turns her head against the wall from where she's sulking with her arms wrapped loosely around her knees. "Why?"

"My best guess? Whoever owns this ship now stole it from another Goa'uld and had their name erased. Think damnatio memoriae."

"Huh," Jess says, setting his hand of cards down to Chris's obvious annoyance. "But they kept the part about the victories?"

"Why not? Obviously they had someone spend all the time necessary to do this to the whole ship, so keeping the rest saved a hell of a lot of work. Plus, if they bested the guy this ship used to belong to, that's quite a flex." Beth shrugs and goes back to writing in her notebook. Jess picks up his cards again and Cannon can tell by the barest quirk of Chris's lips that they have the winning hand.

"You know what I'm thinking about right now?" Cannon says. "Mashed potatoes."

"Ugh, the mashed potatoes in the mess taste like plastic," Beth says without looking away from the wall.

"I know; once I start eating them, they're so disgusting I just can't stop myself. It's like the flavor gets grosser with every bite."

"They're not bad with the roast beef," Chris says.

"That's because the roast beef is the only palatable thing the mess serves besides jello," Jess points out.

"It was lemon chicken today," Cannon sighs. She rests her head against the wall again. "My vest had all my granola bars. What could these guys possibly want with us," she complains.

"Do you think they've realized that we're only number 47 because they want any potential enemies to think there are more SG teams than there really are?" Jess asks.

"I don't know," Cannon says stiffly, "but say that again a little louder and I'm sure they will."

Jess holds his hands up in placation, tipping his cards towards Cannon. Chris is about to destroy him with that hand.

"Well," Cannon sighs, "the good news is that I can feel my face again."

Heavy footfalls sound in the hallway and Cannon stands, shifting her weight to ease the stiffness in her legs. Beth hurriedly stuffs her notebook back in her pocket and Chris and Jess shove the cards into the pocket of Jess's pants.

"You will come with us," the Jaffa says.

"Sure," Cannon says as she leads her team after him. "I don't suppose you guys have any snacks on board this thing? You've got to eat, right?" He doesn't answer. "Didn't your mom ever teach you to share?"

The Jaffa ignores her and leads them into an open room with a throne at the fall wall. Ba'al surges to his feet as they enter. "Fool," he spits at the Jaffa beside him, who Cannon recognizes as the leader of the group that had captured them. "This isn't SG-1."

"My lord--"

"Who are you?" Ba'al interrupts.

"Major Lissa Cannon, leader of SG-47," she says, raising her chin.

"Forty-seven," Ba'al says in disbelief.

"We're a science team; we were studying the flora of P4X-737 when you so rudely interrupted."

Ba'al just looks at her. "You're scientists."

Jess raises his hand. "Doctor."

"Doctor," Chris agrees.

"Major," Cannon says with a shrug.

"Doctor," Beth says.

"I've seen this episode of M*A*S*H," Chris says.

"I did also once make a baking soda volcano for a sixth-grade science fair," Cannon adds.

Ba'al sits back on his throne, crossing one leg over the other and resting his elbows on the arms, looking the picture of a carefree megalomaniac.

"Bring them back to the surface," he orders the Jaffa with a lazy wave of his hand, without so much as raising his arm from the throne. "Finish studying your plants," Ba'al says, "I have no use for you."

"That's kind of rude," Cannon says.

*

The Jaffa drop them on the planet's surface and beam back up to the ship. Cannon pulls her vest off the pile, slings it over her shoulders, and pulls a granola bar out of the pocket. She rips it open and stuff it into her mouth, chewing as she zips her vest and secures her holsters around her legs.

"That was easier than I expected," Beth admits.

"Sometimes I think the only reason the Goa'uld try to capture SG teams is just because SG-1 pisses them off so much," Jess adds.

Cannon snorts at that. "Let's get our samples and haul it back to the gate before the mess runs out of mashed potatoes."

"You realize that's extremely unlikely, right?" Chris deadpans.

Cannon shrugs and stuffs the wrapper of her granola bar into her pocket. "Even so, let's get a move on."

#I wrote this in the drafts of my uni email so I could type it and MAN did tumblr botch the formatting when I pasted it #anyway I'm now extremely obsessed with this concept and with these random characters #I couldn't make it through this without making a jello joke #and also apparently a joke about Cam's obsession with the mess roast beef even though this is for some reason set pre Cam idk #reasonably it should be s9 or s10 but #also catch me handwaving how ba'al has braming technology pre s9 idk man look #he's crafty and he's smart just let him think he's the shit instead of just a little shit #minific #asked and answered #my fic #I have so many ideas for these characters rip #stargate sg 1 #unabletocomply #ETA I wrote this with the singular thought of 'let SG 47 say fuck'

[zikadraws]

Ok then... It's gonna be really complicated, but let's go for a

🌙LM4-PROJECT🌙 CONCEPT PRESENTATION (part 1).

(Better say it now : it's gonna be a LONG post.)

Alright, so let's start with the main new character of the project ; and just because you can't really airdrop a character without any context, I'm going to try and summarize the global story of the game concept.

Sooo please meet :

Basically a doctor, vet, researcher and detective for ghosts.

A kid who, at her time of living, once managed to solve an important ghost crisis menacing the equilibrium between the living world and the Beyond Dimension (long story short she appeased and cured corrupted ghosts and helped them to destroy what corrupted them).

Her act got the attention of the forces that were in charge of this equilibrium in the first place in the Beyond Dimension, so when she passed away nevertheless due to pitiful life conditions, they offered her to become a really special type of spirit ; some sort of saviour, who reappear when ghosts meet dark times, who help them solve their problems and play ambassador with the Humans if necessary, by being reincarnated. (She was absolutely bewildered, but she rolled for it.)

So she did it, and became a really powerful-skilled ghost helper, getting reincarnated when needed, under the following system : she reappears where she can somehow get to the problem, but they don't have a body or soul ready for her, so her reincarnation quality depend on if there's people where she lands or not :

- like if there was no one around, she rolls with her original body, but has no soul so no emotions ;

- if there was one person, she possess their body and got their soul so feelings, but that process consumes (and kills) the unfortunate host in the end ;

- or (extremely rare), she collides with two persons, in which case she forms a soul out of their both, leaving them enough to survive and leaving her with a body mixing their both DNA, a bit of their personalities (and her original characteristics of course, just like a newborn actually), so she gets everything and nobody dies ; BUT that case is only possible if the persons's souls share a strong bonding link with each other, which is why she almost never got this in millenaries.

- (She also is deeply related to the Dark Moon.)

---

ANYWAY. These informations were here for a better understanding of the story, which comes now (the most summarized I could do) :

- It begins on a soirée at Peach's castle, where they celebrate Luigi's victory on the hotel's anniversary. Everyone is here, including notably Princess Daisy, E. Gadd and even all of our favourite ghosts.

- Light ambiance, congratulations, strangely evasive allusions from E.Gadd about how's King Boo doing, when suddenly, Luna is getting reincarnated. Just near Luigi and Daisy, who were ''just being dance partners''. And yeah you guys guessed : she gets the third reincarnation option, and becomes the child you saw in the picture. (She's extremely stunned herself.)

- Everyone freaks out, she very awkwardly explains them who she is and what she do (''no I'm not some random evil entity, chill out'') and then declares she's here because apparently an extremely important ghost figure has been abnormally weakened, so she had to take care of them asap.

- Everyone turns out to the usual ghost specialist, E.Gadd, out of reflex : then it appears he sneaked away during Luna's speech. She gets it first and hurry them to escort her to his lab : where they catch him while he's packing some weird equipment, and crystals of the same type of KB's crown, and also from the old mine in LM2. King Boo himself was surexposed to it, which that was what got him horribly sick. E.Gadd flees through a portal and breaks it before they could even react.

- So yeah : the main antagonist of the game is this time E. Gadd. We discover that he used Luigi so he could get his ghost research to another frightening level : like when they return to the new hotel for a first level, they realize that the walls and rooms and everything is stuffed with sensors and ghost studying material- and when they get to the roof, they have to leave in emergency because the whole building fucking teleports god knows where. Which was obviously planned for something like that.

His reasons will be discovered around the two tiers of the game.

- They also realize he greffed some ghosts with mind controllers. They are the enemies in the first two mansions, (I'd talk about that in another post), along with robots and gooey thingies. After, they (Luigi) have to ride through the Evershade Valley, to prevent anymore damage, and have to capture boss victims of ''ghosts controllers'' and free-minded but scared and recalcitrant ghosts.

(I didn't heard of the Experiment AU when I got this idea, just to clarify. Sorry.)

- Meanwhile Peach and Daisy host the now homeless ghosts (who are in-game randomly wandering in the castles, doing their shenanigans and the player can interact with them :) ), while Luna took E. Gadd's usual role and guides Luigi (kindlier and with better humour, and even some interventions of the ghosts and others), takes care of the rescued-captured ghosts and above all of King Boo whose health represents an important issue.

The game goal is to save and protect the ghosts ; and destroy E. Gadd's installations and stop him. (Tho KB did not stop to hate Luigi for crap. He will get you to remember it.)

The game includes almost-open world after the two first mansions (perhaps) and also the return of the Game Boy Horror from the first game (and its comments).

---

Here, it was basically the global plot of the story. Hope it sounds interesting to you, because it still is really unsure. If you have questions, ask away.

I'd like to talk about the game playable mansions and zones after, if it does.

Aaaand let me end that first part of that LM4-project presentation with a completion of character personality development for little Luna :

- As she is reborn from Luigi and Daisy's souls and being, she inherited some of their appearance traits and above all, from their personalities : so she's in the same time extremely sensitive and insecure and a volcanic & revendicative bonehead. An epic combination.

- She got the Luigi's Death Stare™ and she uses it frequently (as for some nervous tics from him too) and gets easily excited like Daisy ;

- She's by nature determined (especially to help, wether you like it or not), fast-minded and thirsty for discovering, and knows how to adapt if a situation or ghost requires so.

- Even though she got a shit ton of knowledge from her previous reincarnations, adult problems still pass completely up her head. (That's why she didn't get why Luigi and Daisy were so flustered when she told them about the soul bonding condition thing. At least, not at first.)

- She has the same abilities as ghosts (like flying, telekinesis, passing through the walls, and a little bit of possession and mind reading) and can go feral black-eyed ghost if pushed too far (happen more often now that she has Daisy's temper). But she knows where to put the limit.

- Serpci knows her personally and Hellen got once obsessed with her ; so knows a lot of stories about her. May talk about it from time to time from her prison.

- Likes to wears dark, phantom-themed clothes. And mainly green, lately.

- Can take radical decisions from time to time.

- Loves every ghost, including boos.

- Socially awkward, but quick to make friends.

-...that's all I got for now.

(...Yeah she's basically a fanchild, I know... Problem, buddy ?)

---

Alriiight--- so that was it.🎵

Let me know what you thought and perhaps we can go further on the lore !

...(Thank you.).

[nadziejastar]

In a lot of your posts, they have a lot of the texts from the novels and manga. If you were to go off of ONLY the games, would Subject X still be hinted? I think yes, but I'm a casual fan.

Well, I developed my opinion on Subject X based ONLY on the games. I played all the games as soon as they came out. So, that would be many years ago at this point. I didn’t read the novels or the manga until after I beat KH3, which was relatively recently. My opinions on the story/characters were quite solidified by then. I actually read them because I thought KH3′s story was so inconsistent with the previous games.The novels/manga simply reinforced the opinions I already had formed after playing the games. I felt validated by them, but they had nothing to do with my opinion on Subject X. 

Now, are you are asking me if I think Subject X—the way it was written in canon—was hinted at in the games? A mysterious time-travelling girl that Lea and Isa were looking for the whole time they were in Organization XIII? LOL. Hell no. Absolutely not. She was never hinted at even once, not even vaguely. And the way Axel and Saïx were written was never consistent with that motivation at all. If you mean Subject X as a concept? Xehanort’s lab rat? Yes, definitely. That was pretty much EXACTLY what I always expected Isa’s backstory to be, based ONLY on the games. I thought Lea and Isa were set up perfectly to be test subjects. When I play the older games, I’m still unable to see them as anything but test subjects. That’s how much support there was for that idea and how little there was for anything else. 

I was VERY confused when KH3 did feature a character who was Xehanort’s lab rat. But instead of being Isa, it was a random girl he never mentioned before (but apparently was obsessed with). Them being apprentices was something so farfetched, it never even once crossed my mind. I didn’t understand how anyone could give that girl the backstory that seemed 1,000 times more suitable for Lea and Isa. How could the person writing the story not see that? How do they expect the fans to not see it, either? How dumb and/or incompetent do you have to be to write the story that way? How did that even get approved by a whole team of people? Those were my thoughts when I played KH3, based ONLY on the previous games.

That is NOT how someone will feel if a story is well-written. Some people act like Nomura made the story up as it went along, with each individual game. But that wasn’t the case for the games building up to KH3. Re:CoM and KH2FM+ were released together. And BBS, Days, and Coded were being developed simultaneously. These were all part of one big master plan. The way Saïx was written in Days was connected to how Isa was written in BBS, etc. Isa was planned to be a good guy MANY years in advance. IMO, him being the real Subject X was hinted at MANY years in advance. If you think anyone else was foreshadowed to be Subject X, let’s look at the games one by one. 

Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix+

In all the games building up to KH3, the only person from Axel’s past that had any relevance was Isa/Saïx. They could have hinted at Subject X any time they wanted to in ALL these games, but they never did. In KH2FM+, all the new scenes with Saïx involved his relationship with Axel. Saïx seemed to be conflicted about Axel’s elimination. Xemnas made a comment to Saïx about Axel chasing the illusion of friendship. This scene hinted that Axel wasn’t really obsessed with Roxas like people thought. He was really just trying to recover his lost friendship with Isa. I had always suspected that Axel’s “obsession” with Roxas was due to his troubled past, so it didn’t surprise me at all. And Nomura loves twists like that.

They were setting up Isa’s relationship with Lea to have significance, not his relationship with anyone else. It’s absurd for me to think that they were trying to track down a girl they didn’t even know existed. They had real problems to worry about. KH2FM+ also introduced the Chamber of Repose and the Cavern of Remembrance. This all suggested that the experiments on the darkness of the heart would be very important and explored in much more depth. Xigbar seemed to have heavy involvement in these experiments, since he didn’t want to go down into the castle basement. And he’s the one who taunted Saïx about not being able to see Xion and not having a heart.

Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories

Castle Oblivion is all about recovering forgotten memories. The other most important recurring theme in Re:CoM was reuniting with people you miss. Pretty much every Disney world incorporated this theme. This was the perfect opportunity to hint at Subject X, but they didn’t do that. Instead, they chose to keep the focus on Axel’s relationship with Saïx.

Days made a big point of showing that Axel changed a LOT after coming back from Castle Oblivion. Saïx said this to him on Day 193, called “Memories”. He also asked Axel if the past meant nothing to him. Axel said he missed what was gone between him and Saïx. He didn’t mention missing anyone else. There was also a new scene where Axel acted extremely cold to Naminé because she was making two childhood friends fight. Isa was the only childhood friend we ever saw, and he later became an enemy. In every game building up to KH3, Isa was set up to be the most important character to Lea. Subject X? Crickets.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

Axel said in his report that he forgot what friendship felt like after becoming a Nobody. That was the whole point of him befriending Roxas and Xion. He was not focused on friendship until he met Roxas. And Saïx was always cold and indifferent towards everyone, even Axel, who was his best friend that he was inseparable from. They’ve been together for 10 years in the organization. I’m expected to believe that Saïx was able to care about some imaginary girl, but not his best friend? To be honest, I thought that the writers had to be drunk if they thought that was believable or realistic. Or that it made Saïx more sympathetic.

Even in Days, I could tell that Axel had a lot of baggage from his past. He always treated his memories of the past like they were sacred. Day 150 is about having something you can’t bear to lose. He said that for Nobodies, it was their past, because that’s all you have to remember the pain of losing something. Perfect time to mention Subject X. After all, her disappearance was Axel’s motivation, right? But the story made it perfectly clear: Axel was heartbroken over the loss of his best friend. Nothing else was ever mentioned. Axel was good friends with Roxas, but I got the sense that he was much, MUCH closer with Isa. 

Personally, I thought Axel was a former test subject ever since the original KH2. It fit him perfectly. He was a sad, lonely, dysfunctional person. When Days hinted that Axel had a tragic past and dark secrets that he didn’t like to talk about, I was not at all surprised. He suffered from something way more traumatic than someone he barely knew disappearing. And it never seemed like he chose to be in the organization. That’s why he was always yearning for his childhood with things like ice cream and summer vacation. My personal belief is that Axel was always written with the backstory of a former test subject in mind. They came up with Saïx‘s backstory later, though I suspected he might have been a test subject too, due to his scar and his berserk state, which made him seem kinda freakish. We always knew that Xigbar and Saïx were unique due to them having gold eyes and pointy ears.

Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep

When I played BBS, I knew that something horrible must have happened to Isa to turn him into someone like Saïx. The difference between Saïx and Isa was like night and day. None of the other Nobodies were THAT different from their human counterparts. BBS also confirmed my opinion on Axel/Roxas/Xion. Lea was WAY closer to Isa than he was with them. Isa seemed like a shy kid. But he was very comfortable with Lea. And Lea acted much more naturally with Isa compared to Roxas and Xion.

After BBS, it was obvious that Isa was not a villain, and that he was going to be on the good side at the end of KH3. This was the game that was supposed to show you who the organization members were as humans. They showed that Braig was always evil. Lea and Isa were only in one single scene, other than the epilogue. So, why would they choose to show him as an innocent kid who was Lea’s best friend? Obviously, all of this was to show that he was the polar opposite of Braig. How is that consistent with his canon characterization? He sold his soul to Xehanort, did icky jobs for Xemnas at a pace Axel couldn’t keep up with, and tried to murder Axel. Why would anyone in their right mind choose to write Lea’s best friend that way, if he was not possessed? Especially if they wanted him to appear in future titles?

In the epilogue, they showed Lea and Isa eating ice cream together. Sea-salt ice cream was VERY important to Axel’s character. Axel defined friendship as people who eat ice cream together. I knew that Isa was very special to Axel if he was the origin of his addiction to ice cream. They also showed Lea and Isa trying to sneak into the castle. This was BEFORE the experiments took place. So, Subject X had nothing to do with why Lea and Isa were originally trying to sneak in. They wanted to sneak in because it sounded like fun. Not because they thought people were being tortured in there. There’s no evidence the mystery girl even existed back when BBS was written. The apprentices were not recruiting kids to be apprentices, they were kidnapping kids. What reason would Ansem have to let them be apprentices anyways? It makes no sense.

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance

In KH3D, Lea was recompleted. Xehanort was gone. He could have used that opportunity to look for information on Subject X. But he didn’t even mention her. He immediately set off to look for Isa. That was his main priority upon being recompleted, not finding Subject X or Roxas, who had gone back to Sora. Lea wasn’t even concerned that Saïx was trying to hunt him down in KH2. He was happy to look for him, even when he was putting himself at risk using the dark corridors. He used the same lines he did for Xion, which had huge narrative significance. It was clear that he was dead set on bringing Isa home. If Subject X was important, Lea didn’t act like it. KH3D sent the message to me that Lea was VERY devoted to Isa. Why even write him this way if he wasn’t supposed to rescue him eventually? Why make it seem like Isa was kidnapped if he was supposed to be looking for Subject X?

Lea and Isa were also the only two who were wearing the black coats when they were recompleted, which gave me the impression that they were test subjects. The apprentices never wore the black cloaks. And of course, the big revelation in KH3D was that Isa was a vessel. Unlike Xigbar, he seemed like he was being controlled, like a puppet. Lea awakened his Keyblade, the Flame Liberator, immediately afterwards. Xemnas also mentioned mind control experiments in this game. Why bring this up if Subject X was only experimented on for her memories. NONE of the games gave me the impression that Lea and Isa were apprentices, that Isa willingly joined the bad side, or that there was some mystery girl that he was looking for. They gave me the impression that Isa was one of the many characters who needed their hurting mended. That was supposed to be the main theme of KH3, after all.

Birth By Sleep Final Mix+

Xemnas may have called Aqua’s armor “friend”, but that was only because he had access to Terra’s memories. He tried to manipulate Aqua by impersonating Terra in KH0.2. And I got the impression that a similar idea was behind the relationship between Axel and Saïx. In the secret ending of BBSFM+, the camera zoomed in on Master Xehanort’s eyes when he said he had many other roads open besides Terra. Then they zoomed in on the amnesiac Terranort’s eyes, showing that they were brown. They zoomed in on Ansem the Wise’s eyes afterwards, showing that the were orange. And finally they zoomed in on his eyes again when he was in the Realm of Darkness. The implication was that Master Xehanort had so many options because of these experiments. His goal was to create vessels, not learn about the age of fairy tales.

Ansem put his research results in Sora to atone for all the lives he ruined. It can be reasonably discerned that Ansem Seeker of Darkness and Xemnas had orange eyes because of Ansem the Wise probing the depths of Xehanort’s heart, to restore his memory. He gained all of Terra’s memories in the process. And in the games building up to KH3, they specifically changed Saïx’s eyes from gold to orange. This implies that the same thing was done to him as well. We know Subject X was also an amnesiac and that Ansem the Wise hid them away when he released the other subjects. It makes sense that Isa was the same as Terra.

Kingdom Hearts 0.2

When Riku told Kairi that she was going to be training with Lea, she was shocked. She later admitted in KH3 that she was afraid of him, because he kidnapped her. But she said that she found it hard not to like him because all he ever wanted was to help his friend. That’s exactly what I expected to happen. My impression after playing KH0.2 was that Axel’s relationship with Roxas and Xion was meant to provide him with character development. This would allow Lea to fulfill his TRUE purpose in the story: becoming a Guardian of Light and rescuing his real best friend from Xehanort. Axel’s friendship with Roxas was supposed to carry over to Ventus because they both had a friend who was a vessel.

Axel’s friendship with Xion was meant to carry over to Kairi specifically because they were going to be training together in KH3. Kairi awakened her Keyblade because she wanted to bring Riku and Sora home. Lea and Kairi were planned as friends because he also wanted to bring his friend home. Axel’s friendship with Roxas and Xion played an important role in Lea’s development. But my impression was that getting Isa back was the ultimate goal of Lea’s character arc, not Roxas or Xion. And especially not Subject X, who is irrelevant to the Xehanort Saga.

Saïx could not see Xion for some reason that was never explained. He has a large Recusant’s Sigil scar on his face which was never explained. Axel said Saïx’s personality changed drastically, while he stayed more or less the same. This was never explained. Saïx had orange eyes like Xemnas, but this was never explained. Subject X does not explain ANY of these things. But Isa being experimented on as the REAL Subject X just happens to explain ALL of them.   

Kingdom Hearts 3

When Lea said he’d always be there to bring his friends back, Xehanort got a really nasty smirk on his face and sent Isa to attack him. It was just to punish him for ruining their plans. Xehanort knew exactly why Lea was there, and how to hurt him. Then during the final battle, it was a repeat of what happened in KH3D. Lea was ruining their plans yet again and Xemnas wanted to punish him. He was so confident that he had Isa under his full control, he thought he could murder Lea right in front of him and he wouldn’t do anything. He turned his back on Isa, literally and figuratively. Isa was positioned to be directly behind Xemnas’s right hand. He was his right-hand man, after all. Everything was all set up perfectly for Isa to finally betray Xemnas. That’s what being a recusant means in the first place.

Lea’s reunion with Roxas and Xion didn’t even feel like an organic or natural development in the story. It felt like shameless pandering. Subject X felt even more unnatural than Roxas and Xion did, which says a lot. Then there was Saïx’s transition into a “good guy”. If they wanted a character like Saïx to be redeemed, they would need to give him an actual redemption arc. Axel was always sympathetic and likable, and even he needed a redemption arc spanning multiple games. Saïx was WAY nastier than Axel. It would take a LONG time to redeem him. But…he was never humanized. The games went out of their way to depict Saïx as inhumanly cold as possible.

It was a deliberate CHOICE not to humanize him in ALL of these games. Yet there he was in the ending, chilling and eating ice cream, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Now, this would make perfect sense if his backstory was a nice kid who was kidnapped, experimented on, then got possessed. He wouldn’t have needed a redemption arc in that case. So it makes perfect sense why one was never planned for him. In every game, the emphasis was NEVER on Saïx being redeemed, but on Lea saving Isa. The power of waking was the main goal of the story. Isa was introduced in the game called “Birth by Sleep,” which IS the power of waking. 

Lea and Isa being test subjects would have made the story far more interesting for 99.9% of players, I guarantee it. But it’s not even just that. Every game since KH2FM+ was written to give the impression that they were test subjects. There’s no way the writers weren’t aware of that. They knew exactly what message they were sending to people. And it makes waaay more sense than them being apprentices. I could not understand why anyone in their right mind would waste all of that foreshadowing and change their backstory to something FAR less interesting and also not very believable. If something doesn’t make sense it’s usually not true. I’m no detective or anything, but the only thing that makes sense is that Isa was planned to be Subject X for well over a decade. Then at the very last minute it was changed to this new girl. 

There’s three reasons I could think for someone to believe that Subject X made sense the way it was written in canon. They are either:

A. Not looking at the story very closely. Probably a casual fan.

B. A blind Kingdom Hearts fanboy/fangirl who will defend anything in the story.

C. Not very intelligent or perceptive. 

#KH #kh saix #kh isa

[silentfcknhill]

hey I've seen you reblog stuff about drugs and stuff and I just wanted to ask what narcatics were you into? random and blunt question but just curous. I'm having a hard time lately... drinking but I'm trying to quit with with it now and just started weed. I just feel like it's neve gonna be better, you know? shit I so okay for so long and then it all goes to fucking hell again. I'm sorry for unloading like this....

It’s okay, I hope you don’t mind if I ramble a long-ass answer. I was mainly addicted to drugs that were not traditionally considered addictive physically, just psychologically. My main drugs of choice were weed, acid, mushrooms and occasionally molly. I never had a huge problem with alcohol, as in I didn’t drink often but when I did I went way overboard and would often mix drugs that would make me very ill. Weed was okay for me at first before I went overboard and was spending hundreds a month, and I am not completely anti-weed like some people in NA, but I think there are people who can and can’t handle it mentally. I can’t. If you have mental health issues, especially anxiety (though I’ve seen some people it can help their anxiety), paranoia, dissociation, derealization or hallucinations/problems with reality to begin with, it is like playing with fire. I’m not saying you should panic, everyone has different reactions, but I could never smoke again after the bad acid trips and ego deaths I’ve had. Too many flashbacks. And I got serotonin syndrome a lot. I quit using 17 months ago and I’m still dealing with effects like visual fractals, a new worldview and mood problems. 

For about a year I was suicidal and having panic attacks every day, and I had to work double shifts while crying and vomiting (quiting was not an option because we are too poor and I did not want to be homeless again, especially in that condition). It takes a while for your brain to recover and learn to produce it’s own serotonin after smoking weed every day for two years, so there is a major depression that occurs when you get clean. I lost my appetite for a couple months, and also couldn’t sleep on my own. Drugs were basically my go-to for every minor inconvenience, so learning to be a person again and deal with problems directly was difficult. I became extremely paranoid while detoxing. I also lost all interest in everything, I experienced no joy and only dread, terror and depression. My obsessions such as movies and music were no longer enough to enjoy, I needed to experience them on absurd amounts of psychedelics and meditate on them and see them from weird perspectives to appreciate them. I have started gaining back my appreciation for the little things in life again by now. 

The hardest part for me was coming to terms with the fact that I will never be the same as I was before ever again, and now I just have to adjust. It sucks that I was a teenager while this was happening, and my brain was still developing, so now it became a part of my youth and shaped my personality a lot. But I try to think of it positively, because now I have a new chance to become a better person, I have a fresh start and not many people can have a second chance after fucking up and having no common sense. I am lucky to have not gotten into any legal trouble, though a lot of relationships were destroyed, I really deserved it. I am not trying to self-pity, but it is a fact that I have suffered beyond words and been to hell (I’m not religious but to me hell is a psychological state of torment and existential darkness and lack of reality), but I have also grown as a person and become exponentially more self-aware, empathetic, introspective and accepting of my defects. 

I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel it will never get better. When you’re in darkness it effects your whole perception and sense of reality and colors every area of life. We lose our memory of anything good ever. Kind of like a Dementor from harry Potter has sucked out our soul, which Dementors incidentally were written by JK Rowling as an analogy of her depression (Sorry for random reference, I am a fan of Harry Potter). But we are both still young, well I am and I assume you are as well as I don’t know many elderly people on Tumblr, and time changes things. Time doesn’t heal, but it does give you the opportunity to heal and grow. Nothing will ever magically heal, we will always be addicts, but you will have good days, and some very good days and memories, and those are worth riding through the bad to get to. It is very difficult to keep perspective, but I spent a couple years of my life on drugs. I have 70 years left ahead of me, best case scenario. This is not the end at all. 

I have seen people successfully drink and smoke and not become upset or addicted, but I have Asperger’s and BPD and I was foolish to ignore the sensitivities and chances I was taking and I put my trust into the wrong influences and people. I have developed my own coping mechanisms throughout my life, because addiction was obviously not the first and only trauma I’ve been through, I’ve been having issues since being a toddler basically including emotional violent abuse from the time I was born, sexual assault, personal deaths, bullying, self-harm and mental illness, having parents who are mentally ill and unstable and dealing with their suicide threats as a child, divorce, homelessness, murderers in the family, robbery, knife attacks, being a therapist to my mother, trying to stay objective as she described to me her post-partum depression involving demons telling her to throw me off a balcony and molest me, multiple suicide attempts of my own including a horrendous overdose, multiple hospitalizations, medications, dating a man in his 40’s as a young teen, being cheated on twice, coming to grips with my LGBT identity, and much more. I grew up in a fantasy world, always acting and playing pretend even to this day, I live my life through the eyes of my favorite characters, even while alone. AT this point it is very easy for me to detach from my emotions and reality and observe my own suffering as though I was a character in a movie or something. This is also why I have a decent tolerance to pain. I just view it as an experience, a memory. Time is really an illusion, so when I am hurt, I just remember that in a few hours it will be like nothing ever happened. 

Also, the one most important message I took from NA is probably the simplest, and most people don’t give it a second thought because it’s just a cliche to them, but when you really meditate on it and practice it, you realize how incredibly true and helpful it is: “One day at a time.” And that motto is a principle, not have to take it literally. I know for a lot of people, myself included, it can be more like one minute at a time, but you really gotta try to keep priorities in sight and self-care when need be. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to help yourself but go to sleep all day. It is fine to do that. I have trained myself to fall asleep relatively quickly using deep, controlled stomach breathing and and stims and mental focus patterns such as waterfalls, space travel, etc, movement that stays constant and is relaxing. Music helps too, but only without lyrics. There are a lot of sound pieces on youtube and stuff made for relaxing, like the sound of rain, or nature like the ocean or amazon. Whatever suits you. It is handy to have an off button like a computer sometimes. You just shut down and reboot. 

I’m not saying it is healthy to be avoidant, and I definitely have shut down and become very robotic as of late, but it is highly preferable to the alternative for me until when/if I learn better skills. You will hopefully feel better when you wake up, whether it was physical anxiety or mental or both. Plus, scientifically, sleep and dreaming is when our brains process information and memories, so we may come to familiarize ourselves with unknown fears or stresses while we sleep and wake up more able to deal with them rationally without the fight or flight. One day at a time ties in to a concept we call “the triangle of self-obsession”, and it relates to how living in the past causes resentments, focusing on negatives in the present causes anger, and fear stems from living in the future. One day at a time, take shit as it comes and don’t cross bridges before you get to them. of course, planning still is good but we must be flexible and not place our whole mental state on something that hasn’t happened yet. Anger roots back to fear, fear roots back to lack of control, and once we accept that we really cannot control everything and be omnipresent and all-knowing puppetmasters, we become more humble. 

I myself have come to terms with the fact that I am very narcissistic. I never thought I was, due to low self-esteem, but it only recently occurred to me that being narcissism is usually just a symptom of low self-esteem anyways, and it is just expressed differently. Some people build massive egos and brag. For me, my narcissism forms through being self-centered and selfishly focused on my own problems. Some people focus daily on distinguishing whether they are living and acting on their own will or their higher power’s will, and adjusting their behavior accordingly, because living on our own will is what got us in this position in the first place. I don’t really have a higher power in the traditional sense at this point, but it is still good to be mindful that I am not the center of everything, and that even though I claim to be open-minded, I am still just as judgmental and hypocritical as anyone else, I just express and experience it in different ways. Anyways, long tangent, no one cares, I will shut up now. I am kind of a basketcase, but if you need to talk, you can message or dm me anytime.

#asks #anon #tw: drugs #tw: abuse #sorry for long personal post but i could not respond privately to an anon