#anyway I miss going to a smaller church (it got assimilated into this huge one)

[isfjmel-phleg]

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#random personal stuff #whining ahead feel free to ignore #after a little over two weeks with my family I guess it was hard today to go back to church here and #be reminded how easy it is to feel utterly disconnected for some reason #I have a small amount of friends whom I do very much appreciate #but otherwise it's like going through life in a glass case #which is probably my fault somehow #anyway I miss going to a smaller church (it got assimilated into this huge one) #and I miss smaller more intimate Bible study groups #there are more people around now whom it's not easy to be real or vocal in front of #(including the lady who once asked if I were one of the then-pregnant women and can't remember my name etc.) #and that's not their fault and they have every right to be there #it's just a different dynamic and unfortunately it's one that I haven't figured out how to be comfortable in yet #feeling like you belong with particular people is just really hard you know? #it has to be earned and proven and mulled over sometimes for years #before it's ever even believable #I got assigned a while back to consider why the whole disconnect thing #still drawing a blank #probably supposed to have an epiphany about what I'm doing wrong #if so can it be shipped a little faster because I don't have time for this nonsense