#and this isn't me saying that you can't/shouldn't address picky eating. i just don't think brute force is effective or appropriate...

[uncanny-tranny]

I really wish there was more insight as to why children are "picky eaters" because the way people go about "fixing us" can be detrimental to our relationship with food.

When I was a kid, I was obviously neurodivergent, and I wasn't tested for anything and never received any support. I was a huge "picky eater" to the point that going to a new restaurant with a menu I didn't know would send me into panic mode. I didn't understand why I felt that way, I didn't understand that I wasn't a selfish, horrible kid for being unable to force myself to eat. I'd be the person sitting at the dining room table for hours because I just couldn't force myself to eat the food I was given.

I understand why parents do that. It can be concerning when you think your kid isn't getting the proper nutrition. It's concerning when a kid's pallete is overly shrunk down. But if you're going about it in a punishing way, you only reinforce the idea that food is bad and dangerous. And if a child knows that eating their food would cause them less grief and stress than not eating the food, and yet they still will not or cannot eat, that's a sign. Maybe work with children, try to understand why they're a "picky eater." Chances are they're not doing it because they personally want to spite you and they despise your very aura.

#parenting #disordered eating #disordered eating tw #and honestly the punishment of food/mealtime is honestly one of the reasons it was *easy* for me to delve into more disordered behaviours #because there was already the looming idea that food was bad but i was worse for not conforming to people's expectations of what i eat #but it could have been so much easier if i was actually asked what about food made me so ridged and 'uncompliant' #and this isn't me saying that you can't/shouldn't address picky eating. i just don't think brute force is effective or appropriate... #...most of the time. many kids do have phases of picky eating and sometimes it's for no reason and sometimes it's because of big concerns... #...that brute forcing can't address. addressing the needs of a child is complex and takes time but it's worth it to get to a spot wherein... #...the child trusts that they're safe and that food isn't an enemy - it's just fuel and we can make that act taste great #just a thought my brain was like 'here's this before i got to sleep have fun thinking on it 👍'

[jewishvitya]

I'm having the second day of heavy anxiety. And I have no reason for it, so I don't know what to do about it. I'm going to vent about random things, stream of consciousness, not trying to make points at anyone. Literally just. Venting out bad feelings about whatever it is through an unrelated topic.

I feel like left-leaning spaces are so comfortable with insults that I'm just. Not.

For example, insulting someone's appearance as long as it's a man. Including height, smaller penis sizes, or balding. I've seen trans men point out how these affect them. One said that to him, it's insulting cis men (who are probably average anyway) by saying they look like him. And one saying that he can't tell the difference between queer people and TERFs that insult his baldness, both are basically agreeing that he ruined something in himself when he chose to transition. Also, "micropenis" as insult uses an intersex trait to degrade someone. And I know I'm holding up marginalized groups here, but I don't think anyone should be insulted for harmless things about them. Address behaviors and ideas, not appearances.

In general, I don't see how "you aren't man enough" is a productive approach for us to take. A person's appearance shouldn't be a target. People just look how they look and there's nothing wrong with that.

Another thing I see a lot is insulting someone's language. Either spelling or grammar, I don't care. There's no reason to do that. If someone misspells something, maybe there's a learning disability, maybe it's their second language and they're learning, maybe they were never taught how to spell correctly and they have more important things to dedicate their time to, like earning money to eat. Maybe there's no reason at all. I don't care. Either way being condescending about this is classist, ableist, and xenophobic. I still remember being dismissed by native English speakers, getting told "first learn English, then try to talk to me." Language is a tool for communication, and as long as you understand the message, it did its job.

Spelling or grammar aren't indicators of intelligence, and intelligence isn't an indicator of morality. It doesn't even tell you if someone is correct or not! Showing someone you think they're stupid adds nothing. It just lets you feel superior at someone's expense. And holding up intelligence as a virtue that puts you above someone just reeks of eugenics to me.

You can't make these kinds of insults harmless by throwing them at a bigot. When you target a trait many people have, you'll hurt the many people who have that trait.

I've seen someone get frustrated because he made a video complaining about picky eaters, and then autistic people chimed in to say they don't really have a choice in this. He went "well, obviously you're exempt!!!"

How is it obvious, though? You're still complaining about a trait they have. Should they have to disclose that they're autistic to get permission to keep a sensory nightmare out of their mouths? Do you think this will make them feel suddenly less annoying for having a trait that you rant about?

Why do you even care? Picky eaters aren't limiting what you can eat. Why should they have to deal with food they dislike? How often do you force yourself to eat things you hate? Would you want to do that every day, or would you rather stick to the food you enjoy? Or are you better because you happen to have a broader selection, so you get to actually choose to have fun eating? Why is it so important for you to be able to rant about this harmless trait, that people telling you "my disability puts me in that position" doesn't make you rethink this?

I don't know why this feels related to the other examples. Making sense wasn't the point of this post anyway. Just... getting some of the negative feelings out of my head.

#riki babbles