#and they allow their preconceived notions of others to determine how they look at apologies and just. its so awful. i hate it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

savagesbonergarage · 3 years

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ok, i need SMUTTY thrawn. like anything you wanna write

Don't we all 😏

I’m weirdly a little upset with Thrawn right now for ridiculous headspace reasons, so this is gonna be interesting. I think I have a good idea, though...We’ll see how this turns out lol

Update: Wow this has a lot of feelings??? Apparently I needed to get that out of my system *shrug*

A/N - Tried to write this for a gender-neutral reader so let me know how that works 🤐, longer than I expected but what else is new, yeah feelings like I said, but it turns into you domming Thrawn so I think it’s worth it, face-riding, cumming in pants, role-play? kinda?, the smut’s at the end

Thrawn

“Neglect”

“What is this?” you asked with a knowing curiosity and no small amount of irritation in your voice.

You held the painted helmet in your hands, Thrawn’s gaze never leaving it until he eventually answered you through a defeated sigh. “It belonged to one of the rebel captives I’ve been tracking. The boy Jedi.”

“I see...” you retorted unflinchingly, inspecting the crude loth-cat design on the front of it through hardened, yet undeniably sad eyes. “So this is what you’ve been up to this entire time? Spending your vacation working instead of...”

Instead of being with me, like you’d promised.

The chiss finally rose from his seat, although he still couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes. He was fully aware of the situation he’d created, of the promises he’d made and failed to keep, and most importantly the lies he’d told in order to continue tracking this particular band of rebels. “I...I apologize for disappointing you.”

You uttered a scoff, nearly rolling your eyes at his words. After finally catching him in the act when he’d sworn he was too tired to stay up with you and was heading straight to bed all these nights, it was difficult not to take this revelation a little personally. Not to mention his superiors had specifically instructed him to use this shore leave to actually relax and enjoy himself after his continuous dedication to the Empire and his duties without fail or complaint - and when he’d arrived with more luggage than usual, you interpreted that to mean that he was intending to stay the entire length of his trip this time with no intention of returning to work early as he typically did - however, that extra baggage was ultimately filled with rebel artifacts that he was fully preparing to study.

“I’m not disappointed, nor am I surprised,” you admitted through a sigh, moving to stand straight across from him with only the width of the helmet between you as you continued, “I don’t know why I was expecting this time to be different from any of the others. I know you. When you’re dedicated to pursuing something, there’s no stopping you or trying to change your mind.”

His lips parted as though he had something to say, but ultimately decided against it. He must have seen through your facade of trying to keep your expression firm as he gently spoke your name, and you silently cursed yourself for never being able to keep a straight face. You caught his hand when he moved to bring it to your cheek, only holding it firmly in mid air as you kept your head down while you asked him the question that had been plaguing your mind for years.

“Are you still pursuing me?”

You clutched his hand even tighter, your frown already shifting into a grimace as you stared straight down into the visor of the helmet. This talk wasn’t one you’d been particularly looking forward to having, especially since you more or less already had a preconceived notion of what his answer would be. Perhaps your relationship really had changed, and rather than voice it outright, Thrawn expected you to determine the status of it through context to avoid having an uncomfortable conversation. It certainly didn’t feel like the two of you were lovers anymore, and with this revelation that he had the time for intimacy if he desired it and was choosing his usual activities over being in your arms, there was little reason to believe otherwise.

The helmet was abruptly removed from your hands and placed elsewhere, with the hand that was holding yours moving to snake around your waist as you felt him pull you against his broad chest. It was a kind gesture, but what you really wanted was a definitive answer.

“Thrawn-”

“I’ve always been adept at coursing after my targets,” he began with an ounce of regret in his somber tone, “yet I find that the ones affecting my career operations tend to take precedence over the ventures in my personal life.”

You’d already known that much, and yet the sinking fear that came with the prospect of the inevitable “it’s not you, it’s me” parting discussion still began to overtake you. It felt like you were going through all the stages of grief all at once - denial, anger, bargaining, depression...but you weren’t ready to accept this just yet. You weren’t sure you ever would be. Anger was definitely occupying the forefront of your mind; anger at Thrawn, anger at the Empire, anger at yourself...you wouldn’t be enduring all of this if you’d never fallen for him in the first place. You just had to go and fall in love with a man that was emotionally and physically unavailable, didn’t you? You’d known at least some extent of what you’d be getting into when you agreed to be his significant other - that your rendezvous together would be short-lived and few and far between, with his work always taking priority over you, but this...knowing that given the choice, given the mandate, he was still choosing the rebels over you...

It hurt.

You were tensing up in his arms, doing all that you could to keep the tears from forming. If only to encourage the transparency you wanted to see from him, you began solemnly pouring your thoughts out against his chest, the release of the words you'd been keeping to yourself for so long aiding in your preemptive recovery somewhat.

"I've often thought about joining the rebellion just to reclaim some of your attention," you admitted, the statement sounding more pathetic to your ears than you'd anticipated, "I've never been an artist, but I like to imagine what it would be like if I made rebel propaganda for you to find. I've wondered if you'd even be able to figure out it was mine, and that with every stroke it was really just me trying to tell you..." ...that I love you.

You hadn’t realized you were crying until you felt yourself involuntarily choking on a sob, and before you could hide your face from him his hands were caressing either side of your jaw and pulling you up into a deep, tender kiss.

How long had it been? When was the last time you felt his touch like this, let alone a kiss? It almost didn't feel real, and you instinctively returned his vigor to make sure it wasn't all just a fantasy. Your tears were stinging against both of your faces now, and Thrawn drew back to wipe them away with the pads of his thumbs. His glowing red eyes were so melancholy, his brows threading into a line as you held his indigo hands to your face and leaned into them, as though the warmth of his skin was a rare sensation that you were savoring to remember back on when you'd be without it again.

"My love..." Thrawn began, his voice soothing as he brought his lips to the tender flesh of your ear, "if I've been so neglectful of your needs that you would become my enemy to be closer to me, then I've failed you so much more exponentially than I ever could have surmised. For that, I am so, so very sorry."

Part of you perked up at the implication that perhaps he wasn't intending to cut ties with you just yet, although it was clear he had much more to say. You brought his hands down to your chest and interlocked your fingers with his, holding onto them for dear life as he continued. "I...I have become consumed by my mission. My mind won't allow me any reprieve unless I've made substantial new discoveries and analyses concerning these rebels on a constant basis. I haven't faced any challenging opposition like them in quite some time, and to feel the invigoration of facing a worthy opponent with the potential to outmaneuver me...it's...addicting."

You listened to his confession intently, relieved to have him opening his heart to you once again. You brought his hands up to your mouth and smiled with amusement before you placed a kiss against them and bore into his concerned gaze with a look of alleviation gracing your own features. “I think I’m beginning to understand where your superiors were coming from when they demanded you take this leave.”

Thrawn’s countenance softened as he returned your smile, even managing something of a titter while he brought your own hands to his lips. “Am I that insufferable?”

“You already know the answer to that.”

He flashed his teeth in an impudent grin, moistening your skin with his lips as he resumed speaking against it. “Reassuring, as always.”

“Thrawn...” you spoke gingerly as the seriousness of the conversation recommenced and you withdrew your hands, rubbing the place where his warmth had just been while you gathered up the courage to proceed with your thoughts, “I need to know where we stand. It would have been stupid of me to expect our relationship to be like anyone else’s...I’ve been aware from the beginning that your duties come first, and I’m perfectly content with that. I want to see you succeed, and I love that you’re so persistent and driven. But...”

“I know,” he interjected, his guilty conscience evident simply by the tone of his voice, “my behavior as of late has been inexcusable. You mean so much more to me than I’ve led you to believe. It has been despicable of me to overlook your wishes in favor of my work when it is unnecessary. I...I love you, and...I’d like to make it up to you.”

Your heart breathed a sigh of relief, remedied by the fact that it still belonged to him. Before you knew it, you were back in his arms in an instant and planting another passionate kiss at the corner of his mouth while you grasped at his light civilian clothing. “Do you mean it?” you asked before he could properly perform the action in return.

“Of course. There are few things I wouldn’t do for you.”

For you, that was about as good as anyone else saying that they would do anything. Some things were off the table, such as leaving the Empire or betraying the Chiss or halting his investigation of the mysterious alien race that posed a threat to the entire galaxy - but other than that, he was yours, and that was more than enough.

“I might already have a few ideas...” you admitted pleasantly, capturing his lips in a more heated kiss as you wrapped your arms around his neck. His smile granted you more access to the rest of his mouth and you obliged, nipping at his skin and warring with his tongue as both of your actions became more lascivious. It wasn’t long before you felt his warm, strong hands snaking up your bare abdomen while you fumbled with the clasps of his shirt, though it become more difficult to concentrate once he reached your chest and focused his activity there, drawing a moan from deep within your throat. Taking note of your struggle, he briefly took his hands away from you to discard his top and aid you in removing your own.

“I’m intrigued by these ideas, if you wouldn’t mind enlightening me,” Thrawn said as he reached both arms around you to grasp your behind and knead it through the fabric of your pants while he continued to kiss you along your temples and hairline. Your mouth was too busy peppering his pecs with kisses and love-bites to really say much, but that was alright - you were more of a demonstrator, anyway. You brought his hands to your sides and he helped you slide your bottoms down, giving your ass an excited smack once it was bare for him. He attempted to sneak a hand around the supple flesh of your inner thigh and curl a few digits upwards, but you smacked it away.

“Ah-Ah,” you tsked, guiding his arms away from you entirely. He started working at the sealing strip of his own waistband, but again, you stopped him. “No.”

“No?” he asked, a brow raised in amusement but also plenty of genuine confusion.

“No,” you reaffirmed as you stepped completely out of your pant legs and planted your palms onto his chest, pushing against him with enough force to influence him to step backward. The pressure was continuous, so he didn’t stop until his back hit the cool metal of the durasteel wall behind him. “You’ve kept me waiting for a long time, Admiral.”

“I...yes,” he uttered, slightly taken aback by the firmness and determination in your voice, and especially the mocking tone you used with his moniker, although he’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t enjoy it.

In an impressive display of flexibility, you raised your leg up until your heel rested in the curve of Thrawn’s neck and over his shoulder, holding him in place as you stared him down with an air of dominion. “I’ve lost most of my patience,” you explained as you applied a significant amount of strength down through your foot and into his muscle, indicating once again that he was to move. He did so silently this time, enraptured by your confidence as he slid down until he was sitting on the hard ground. Your foot didn’t let up, adding more pressure as your tone became a little more demanding. “Down. All the way.”

He obliged, shifting downwards so he could lean back onto his forearms and lower himself completely onto the floor. Your foot remained on his shoulder, a smile contorting your face as you could see he was taking in the view and enjoying it, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. His eyes eventually met yours, giving you an innocent and questioning look as he spoke.

“Would you like to take this outside of the office? To the bedroom, perhaps?”

“Here’s fine,” you retorted smugly, and for a moment your attention was captured again by the painted rebel helmet that was perched atop the desk beside you. You took it, examining the artwork on the front one more time before you smirked at the curious Chiss beneath you and donned it upon your head. His breath hitched when you suddenly dropped to your knees over his chest and slid your hand around to the apex of his skull, lightly grabbing a fistful of previously perfectly slicked-back hair before gazing straight down into his crimson orbs.

“Are you still curious?” you asked with an inflection of authority.

He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the motion before he spoke lowly, just above a whisper. “I believe I understand.”

“Good,” you began, positioning yourself directly over his face as you pulled his head forward so that the tip of his nose was only centimeters away from the source of your pulsing heat, “...you kriffing Imp.”

With that, you saddled his face and sighed when you felt the hot wetness of his mouth envelop you, the room quickly filling with the sounds of the obscene slurps and smacks of his ministrations on your flesh. Your other hand grasped another lock of his hair as you bucked against him, his tongue finding all your most sensitive spots as it darted over them, and all the while you carefully supported his neck while he fucked you religiously with his face. You looked down at the master tactician through half-lidded eyes before throwing your head back in ecstasy, feeling the creep of your climax edging closer and closer. You were having a difficult time catching your breath, and eventually you decided that this sensation ought to be somewhat mutual.

You reached your hand back behind you and starting palming Thrawn’s erection through the fabric of his pants, earning an approving sigh between your legs as you stimulated the head through the still-expanding wet stain of his precum. You jerked him as well as you could in tandem with his movements, struggling to suppress the moans and expletives that erupted from your lips as he went at you even harder. His hands gripped your hips with a cautious desperation as both of your breaths became increasingly ragged, and it wasn’t long before your thighs were quivering against his ears as your orgasm crashed over you in waves of absolute pleasure. Your gasps of euphoria coupled with the intensified friction of your touch had Thrawn stilling and slightly jerking his hips not long after, finally leaning his head back away from your entrance as his face flushed while he came in his pants.

The both of you relaxed as you were overtaken by the surge of your highs, and after a while you managed to shift downward so that you were straddling his waist as you removed the helmet and set it aside. You returned your attention to the handsome, feverish warrior panting beneath you and moved a stray strand of his mussed hair back into place. You leaned forward and kissed him gently on his swollen lips, not minding the taste of yourself as you rested on top of him and listened to the accelerated beating of his heart together with yours.

And when his arms wrapped around you while he planted a loving kiss on your forehead, you looked up at the ceiling and pondered just how much work he’d get done the next time he studied that helmet.

#thrawn #grand admiral thrawn #thrawn x reader #grand admiral thrawn x reader #thrawn smut #lemon #star wars rebels #star wars x reader #star wars smut

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othermagic · 6 years

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Inner Mirror: A Meditation to Get In Touch with your Other Side

After reading and re-reading some older sources on self-discovery, memory recall, and establishing an inner dialogue between parts of the self, I realized that pretty much all the meditations I came across were too specialized and didn’t vibe with me or just plain made me uncomfortable. They didn’t seem very versatile, they’re very much geared towards people who are singlets, identify as part human/part nonhuman, and experience otherkinity as stemming from a past life.

So I brainstormed awhile to come up with a method that could be used by virtually anyone with some minor tweaking of intent but keeping the overall method the same, which is where we get the name of this meditation: the Inner Mirror. This mirror can be a permanent structure in headspace/soulspace/wonderland, your inner/astral temple, or other permanent nonphysical location, or it can just be summoned up mentally for the purpose of these meditations. Its appearance can change each time, stay the same, or change depending on purpose, what’s important is that you know it’s a tool to connect with your subconscious, your soul, your true inner self, and/or your Higher Self/Oversoul. Headmates and soulbonds can use this mirror as well for personal discovery in the same methods singlets and system hosts can.

Please note that some people may still be uncomfortable with this meditation, and I apologize for this. I don’t currently know of any alternatives to work around any fears that may revolve mirrors and reflections moving on their own because they are central to this method. While you are heavily encouraged to envision your ideal/true self in the mirror initially, I can’t help with any other potential problems besides that. Sorry.

The Meditations and Methods

All methods of using the Inner Mirror start the same way. What you do with it depends on what you want to do, and none of them involve mentally “splitting” yourself like many of the meditations I came across. When you see your reflection, remember that even though it changes and moves independently, it’s still you. This is just a way to actively communicate with the deepest parts of yourself.

Get relaxed and comfortable, put on some music if you like, light some candles and incense if it helps. This is a personal exploration meditation, so you’ll need to set aside some time to really reflect on yourself (pun absolutely intended). If you have any other typical meditation prep you do, now’s the time to do it.

Travel to your inner world, or simply visualize a space that feels comfortable and safe to you, like your own bedroom, your backyard growing up, a favorite outdoor spot, or a place from pop culture or your own imagination. What matters is that you feel at home here, and you know nothing can hurt you or invade on this space. Spend some time exploring the area to get a feel for it and warm up your inner/astral senses.

In the middle of this space, see your Inner Mirror in whatever way you want it to appear to you, or let it appear on its own. It should be a full-length mirror, one you can see your whole form in. Spend some time examining the frame and taking note of anything that seems prominent or important, as it may be symbolic to you and your working. You don’t need to envision your physical body in the Inner Mirror, simply your ideal one, because the image you see will change to reflect the part of yourself you’re working with.

This is where you can decide what you want to do with the Inner Mirror if you haven’t already. You can look for information on currently undiscovered kintypes, communicate with your Other side to see how you can better express that side of yourself or how to curb unwanted shifts or behaviors (or even how to harness your Other nature and skills in magic and ritual), search for memories and explore your home, and any other things you may want to do.

Discovering Kintypes

Follow the steps of the basic method to reach your Inner Mirror. Sit or stand in front of it, whichever feels more right for you, and allow yourself to let go of any preconceived notions about the exact details of what your kintype may be while gazing at yourself. Know that what is reflected is you, and always will be you, but it takes on the ability to move and talk on its own by embodying your subconscious, soul, Higher Self/Oversoul, or any number of things you believe to be the cause of your otherkinity.

Allow your reflection to morph and change without willing it to do so. You may see flashes and glimpses of features that present themselves as phantom limbs, or your facial shape and hair color may change, or your whole body may shift to look very different from how you see yourself. Make sure to note the colors, shapes, sizes, and placements of various parts, and do some research to see if these features match up with any known creatures, characters, animals, or beings, and see if anything didn’t match up.

You may need to do this meditation several times to narrow down specifics, and make sure to do other introspective work to determine your kintypes alongside this meditation. You very well might run into things in this process that surprise you and turn out completely differently than you initially thought.

Communicating with the Self

Follow the steps of the basic method to reach your Inner Mirror. If you experience shifts, and are currently experiencing one, it doesn’t matter if you wish to learn more about a specific side of yourself. Sit or stand in front of the Inner Mirror and know that what is reflected is you, and always will be you, but it takes on the ability to move and talk on its own by embodying your subconscious, soul, Higher Self/Oversoul, or any number of things you believe to be the cause of your otherkinity.

Tell your reflection that you wish to establish an inner dialogue with a specific kintype. Allow the image to morph and change in its own time to this form, and remember that it is still you you’re talking to (like when you go over things in your head and it feels as though more than one person is talking at once but it’s all still you.)

After your reflection has finished changing, talk to it. Ask yourself things you want to know about yourself, such as why you’re having trouble with shifts or instinctual behaviors, how you can change that, what this part of yourself wants or needs, how you can be the best possible version of you, how you can truly embody this in daily life and ritual, what skills you may be able to recreate and utilize... the list goes on. You may find yourself being told things without asking, as well.

Be sure to log your interactions somewhere, and keep track of the things you try and how it affects you and your overall wellbeing and self-awareness. Repeat and ask for clarification if needed.

Exploring Memories and Worlds

Follow the steps of the basic method to reach your Inner Mirror. Once again, if you experience shifts, it doesn’t matter which one you are in now because the Inner Mirror will allow you to explore other times and worlds through yourself as you were then. This method can even be tweaked for cladotherians and people who do not believe they ever physically lived as an animal, character, or other being yet still have the soul or psyche of that thing, in a way similar to “riding” an animal or person during astral travel to experience what they do. Sit or stand in front of the Inner Mirror and know that what is reflected is you, and always will be you, but it takes on the ability to move and talk on its own by embodying your subconscious, soul, Higher Self/Oversoul, or any number of things you believe to be the cause of your otherkinity.

Tell your reflection what you wish to do, what life you wish to explore, what world you wish to see, what things you want to feel. Allow it to change form, becoming the shape you wish to take while exploring, and when it’s finished, approach the mirror and step through, merging with your reflection but fully taking on the qualities of who or what they became.

Allow your reflection-self to guide you, taking you to what you need to see most first. Even if you had a specific request, it may not be time to see it yet, or you may not have experienced it at all. Especially with this variation, be sure to let your reflection-self guide you without any preconceived notions of what you will experience.

If you can confirm anything you see in the outside world, do so. Research places and things and people and events, and return if you need to, just to ensure consistency. Keep notes so you can check back on them.

Ending the Meditation

Before you go about your business in the physical world, it’s a good idea to disconnect from the Inner Mirror and allow your reflection-self to just become a reflection again. If you were journeying, exit the mirror first. Allow your reflection-self to morph and change back to your ideal form if needed, allowing it to match you, then gradually becoming just your reflection again as opposed to a window to your inner self. It moves when you do, it blinks when you blink, everything is back in its proper place. Be sure to thank yourself, not only for showing you parts of yourself you weren’t aware of, but for being open enough when so many things in this world tell you not to be. You deserve the positive reinforcement, even if it turns out you saw something that turned out to be false. Your perception can trick you and you can make mistakes, but you are still deserving of a chance.

Stand up if you were sitting down, and walk away from the mirror. You can examine the frame and the landscape of this spot again, to see if anything’s changed since you began your work, and make note of it. Know that this place is still secure and protected and safe, and you can visit it again whenever you need. See it fading from view as you begin to return to this world and to your body.

Be gentle and take your time becoming conscious again. Wiggle your fingers and toes, gently at first, and feel yourself back in your physical form more and more. Settle into your body and open your eyes last, slowly, and blink a few times if you need. Extinguish any candles and get something to eat or drink, you should probably also stretch a little.

Final Thoughts

This meditation was made to be versatile and open-ended, due to the fact that it’s more of a tool and a personal pathworking than a traditional guided meditation. Because of that, you can use it for more reasons than listed here and its potential uses can stretch well beyond self-exploration and into astral travel, archetypal work, invocation, and anything else you might want to do with it. This is your Inner Mirror, it is your tool and your platform to experiment with, and as usual I highly encourage this! Feel free to share any additional tips, tricks, ideas, and experiences with us, as well.

Cloud

#otherkin #fictionkin #therian #alterhuman #past lives #meditation #othermagic originals

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