#and the meds i'm on put at me at risk for cataracts

[anexperimentallife]

Health update (bad news ahead)

I try not to mention health stuff too much lately because I'm sure y'all get tired of it lol. But basically, all I can say is it isn't good.

I'm trying to put off medical stuff as much as possible because we still have all the debt to pay off from El's paperwork debacle. Then after we get that paid off, we can FINALLY start saving for the SRRV again instead of doing immigration forms and fees every couple of months and flying out every three years to reset. THEN I can finally worry about catching up on all the medical and dental stuff.

My eye is worse. I'll eventually need cataract surgery on the left one, and will probably need surgery to fix what's left of the retina on the other one, thanks to the blood clot from long covid. We've been hoping the blood clot eye would fix itself over time, and I think I was starting to notice some improvement, but it got suddenly worse last night. (I'd show you a pic, but its gross.)

Man... I used to console myself by reminding myself I at least had one functioning eye lol. Not so much anymore. And I'm afraid of the surgeries, because right now at least the retina is good on one, and the lens on the other, so what if the surgery on one screws up? Do I risk the other one?

The ol' spine injury is acting up to the point at which I've had to double my pain meds for the past couple of weeks just to function at all, and have been able to do very little. I've been mostly homebound since the beginning of the last super typhoon. (I think I managed ONE trip to the supermarket since then, plus my daily balcony excursions.)

Let's see... Oh, and I need one more foot surgery, and a LOT of dental stuff done. And I haven't even started to see about my knees or hip yet.

No updates on the damage to my heart. Gotta get more tests later. Blood pressure has been mostly okay, at least.

So that's the update.

:sigh:

P.S. I interpret "likes" as letting me know you saw it; I know you're not pleased that my health is bad lol

#rob gets medical

[lesbianslovebts]

I am trying my damned hardest to cope right now, but I have to get some anger out first. I hate being disabled. I hate living in a house full of disabled people. I hate surviving instead of living.

I am autistic. I have anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I am an abuse survivor. Trying over 5 different antidepressants and going on birth control for menorrhagia and dysmenorrhea made me gain over 100 pounds between ages 12 and 15. I am immunocompromised. I get a sinus infection that lasts for 4-8 weeks every year. When I was younger, I had bone removed from my face because of chronic sinusitis. They had to put me on one antibiotic after another as a kid. The pediatric ones stopped working, so I ended up on adult antibiotics despite the risk for joint damage. I even had a PICC line put in when I was 8 to pump antibiotics right into my heart. I've had multiple cauterizations to stop severe nosebleeds. One time, the bleeding was so bad that trying to stop it from coming out my nose made it come out my mouth and eyes instead, and my eardrums almost ruptured. When I had Covid-19 in 2021, it lasted for 3 months. I developed seasonal allergies just this year. I have chronic migraine, which at this point is more than half the days in a week. I have GERD and IBS. Insomnia, sleep apnea, and restless leg syndrome. I no longer have tonsils, adenoids, or a gallbladder. I have chronic muscle pain.

My gramma has lived with us since I was 5. She smoked for 50 years and has had a heart attack, strokes, triple bypass surgery, stents, blood transfusions, aneurysm, COPD, staph infections, inch-deep craters in her leg, sepsis, amputation, type 2 diabetes, no teeth, celiac disease, glaucoma, sleep apnea, and countless episodes of heart failure and fluid in her lungs. We think dementia is coming next. She almost burned the house down a while back. Not to mention anxiety, depression, obsessions, and so on.

My mom has chronic vestibular migraine, narcolepsy, sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, anxiety, depression, type 2 diabetes, arthritis, IBS, GERD, and recently started bleeding out her ass, which could be simple hemorrhoids or colon cancer. 🙃

My dad was an abusive alcoholic, so I cut him off. He is autistic and has Dupuytren's contracture so severe that he can't open his hands and can barely use his thumbs and index fingers, horrible allergies, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and addiction, obviously.

My brother is a type 1 diabetic with a phobia of low blood sugars, which means he purposefully avoided taking the appropriate amount of insulin since he was a teenager. Combined with a diabetic-specific eating disorder, his A1C has been regularly over twice what it should be for over a decade, which has led to the following: diabetic retinopathy and cataracts, complete kidney failure (on dialysis), neuropathy in his legs and feet, no teeth, chronic pain, chronic fluid buildup, and malnutrition. Not to mention Dupuytren's contracture, ADHD, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and addiction.

And it may be silly to count my pets in with the people, but my dog and two cats are all 17. I've had them since I was 10. The dog has a severe heart murmur, is deaf, and takes several meds, but she's still happy, does brief zoomies once a day after a good shit, and lives to eat. Both cats are arthritic, which is to be expected of such old ladies. One has a sore on her chin that won't heal, and I'm about to spend $1k on her to see if it's solvable or time to make decisions. 🙃

Every single one of us in this house, animals included, are disabled. My mom and I worked so hard to make this a safe, clean space for us after moving out of the filthy, broken house we were in for 15 years, where we all suffered trauma. But ever since my mom let my brother move in due to his health issues, the house has gone to shit. I am the only one who cleans, and I just can't keep up with it. The only safe, clean space for me is my own room, where I imprison myself to survive.

All this, and I still haven't committed suicide because I am dying to live a better life. I have worked too fucking hard to get here. I remind myself of this, of the progress I've made, of my accomplishments, of what I want to see and learn and do, of what and whom I love. But Dear God, I am praying for a break, for some rest, for some peace, for all of us.

#personal vent post with numerous triggers #feel free to skip right over #this is basically a diary entry #i disabled reblogs but words of encouragement are welcomed :') #llbtspost

[arcaneyouth]

we all know having 1 mental illness makes you so likely to have like 15 other mental illnesses, but today i have realized it’s the same with physical illness! you get one, you get them all or you’re constantly at risk for getting them all! yayyy!!

#vent post #negative #ok to reblog #if anybody wants to reblog just to yell in solidarity either for the mental illness or physical illness i am so ok with that #hi! i am chronically ill. i have cystic fibrosis. the basic rundown explanation for that is #my nose pancreas and lungs are all kinda fucked up #if there were any merciful god in the world that would be the end of it cause that already sucks #but i'm also at risk for bone disease teeth problems diabetes higher risk of mental illness (i already have like 4-5 of those so yeah) #heart problems other lung problems and i think like kidney bladder problems has been brought up before that's fun #and the meds i'm on put at me at risk for cataracts #i've been lucky with most of these but my luck is gonna run out at some point :) #fully expecting to eventually end up having diabetes too cause now my dad has it. #and apparently my back is ever so slightly not curved right but that hasn't caused issues. Yet. #or maybe it has and we just don't know it. cause my back got so fucked up i needed surgery a couple years ago. we still don't know how #it's also easier for me to get sick so you can imagine i've been having a GREAT time during this pandemic #WHY does my BODY have so many PROBLEMS and POTENTIAL PROBLEMS #not looking forward to getting old. my body is already pretty fucked what's it gonna be like when normal people's bodies get fucked #made this post cause i've potentially got more bone problems who knows lmao #also if anybody's wondering i'm doing fine i'm on really good meds and i got the covid vaccine a while ago #it's just frustrating as ffffuck #5/10

[krisiabuhnana]

The 2020 Wrap-up

Sitting in this office chair on the 2nd day of 2021 and thinking of how the past year have gone by, I realized it was indeed a hell of a rollercoaster ride of emotions for me. Let me tell you why.

January- My aunt, who's working outside of the country, went home to have her more than a month-long vacation. We were able to celebrate her birthday by the beach with our family. Truly grateful about this. I was also able to spend the last day of the month out of town.

March- It was time for Tita to go back to her work in KSA. A few days after her flight came the pandemic, quarantine and all the lockdown announcement. It was that time when all of a sudden, everything was put on a halt. Suddenly, the world felt so effed up. With these, I decided to transfer rooms so I will be sleeping alone, tring to lessen the risk of exposure for my family.

February- Started the month still out of town. Enjoyed the fresh air and views. Immersed myself in tourist attractions and spent almost a week bonding with my aunt and cousin. Then few days after we came home, Mama suffered from Transient Ischematic Attack, or usually called mini stroke. It was really frustrating seeing her on a hospital bed. Good thing, she recovered fast and her worries about the expenses were quickly solved. Thanks to my Godmother. After that hospital situation, we were back to our normal routine. Well, except for the fact that Mama should keep on taking her maintenance meds since that day. We ended the month by visiting a church out of town as our way of thanksgiving.

April- The cases of COVID-19 rose up gradually. My frustrations went so high went the hospital I'm working at had its first COVID patient. Working in the back office of a hospital for almost 3 years, it was the first time I decided to stop going to work because of my fears and worries. I remember crying to Mama because I want to go to work so bad because I was worried about our day-to-day expenses but I am also afraid that I might get sick or worse, I could be a carrier of the virus and I might bring it home to them. But Mama said, "It's okay if you'll stop working as long as all of us our safe. Stop worrying about the expenses and the food, we'll get through this. Don't worry."

May- After almost 3 weeks of not working, our management ordered us to get back to work. That's when I started to realize that life must go on. That life would always be hard and the world can be dangerous but living shouldn't stop. That time, all I think to myself was "Whatever happens, I will let God do His plans for me and protect me."

June- I was grateful to celebrate my birthday free from sickness. I just continued to follow all the safety protocols at work and even at home. I still stayed in a separate room.

July, August, September- These 3 months went all the same. One day I'm feeling fine, the next day I feel so alone. The frustrations and worries gets bigger as I see people dying, losing their loved ones, getting sick. Number of cases still are high. Many got infected, many lost their job, many people lost someone because of the virus. It's starting to get depressing. But then God is great, he kept me and my family safe. Plus, before September ended, a good news came. I'm gonna be an aunt!!!

October- Few days after knowing about my soon-to-be nephew, Mama's left eye, which was suffering from cataract, suddenly went worse. In a span of a month, she lost her vision on that left eye. She had to undergo to an emergency operatio to save her sight. That time I stopped caring about the expenses, I didn't care how much it would take to save her sight. I didn't let my pride stop me from asking for financial help. All I know was I want to save her sight. I want her to see us having our children and fulfilling our dreams with both her eyes clear and working. But I think my Godmother was Mama's guardian angel because, again, she helped us big time. I remember cutting my sleep into naps so I can give Mama her meds. It was tiring if you think but I never felt that way in that 2 weeks.

November- As Mama's eyes get better, life is also getting better. We were able to meet my sister-in-law's family. It was a bit late but who cares, right? If it's for my brother and my nephew, I would gladly do it. Before the month ended, Kuya celebrated his birthday with a gender reveal party, courtesy of his friends. That's when I knew that Lucien is really about to come.

December- And things started getting for us, or maybe I just learned the art of not caring for all negativities. Work is still toxic and scary as it is. Problems come and go, but I'm happy with how my life went. We were able to celebrate Papa's birthday, Christmas and Mama's birthday with our family complete and healthy. All thanks to the Lord, our God.

2020 was a series of ups and downs but I am still thankful for it. 2020 brought out the better version of me. It brought out the more mature, sensible and loving person that I can be. And right now, as I sit here, on the 2nd day of 2021, all my heart wishes, prays and desires for is joy, prosperity and peace for everybody. I don't know what this year might bring. I might get that career growth and financial stability that I'm praying for, or the love story that I've been dreaming of. Who knows? The desires of my heart may or may not be granted but God's plans would always be the greatest.

Let your light shine upon us and your grace flow through us, Lord God.

#Goodbye2020 #Hello2021 #Family #wrap up #challenges #better #blessings #praywithoutceasing