#and she will hunt her enemies down for sport so she can loot them for everything they’re worth | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

claroso · 3 years

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Like Real People Do

Zevran and Clara Amell have been dancing around the unnamed tension between them for months now. Finally out from underneath the thumbs of their respective jailers, they appreciate being able to take their time and enjoy the dance.

I’m referencing the Correspondence Interruptus quest in DA:O btw

Zevran lunged forwards, raking his daggers across the hurlock's side as he ducked under its swing. He felt leather armor and flesh give under his blades like butter. The monster screamed.

He danced back from the hurlock's next swipe, the rusty mace slamming into the ground. He hefted his dagger and threw it. The metal flashed as it spun through the air and lodged in its leg. Were it human, that would be a killing blow. But for a darkspawn? The thing simply growled, picked up its mace, and limped towards him.

The hair on his arms suddenly stood on end. That was the only warning he needed--he threw himself back a split second before a fireball crashed into his enemy. It screamed again, contorting in agony as it burned.

Then the carved end of a staff smashed into its head. The hurlock collapsed. Behind it, Clara Amell snarled and brought her staff down again. Its decaying skull split like a pumpkin, blood splattering across her pale face.

Zevran's heart skipped a beat.

The fire guttered out as the mage straightened, her eyes sweeping across the battlefield. A handful of steps away, Wynne and Sten stood at the ready, their weapons raised.

"We're clear!" Clara called after a moment.

They all relaxed.

Zevran grinned. Working with a mage was a rare treat with the Crows, but being able to work with a mage who could predict darkspawn attacks? Amazing. They didn't have to be on edge every second of the day. And travel went so much faster without checking for ambushes around every corner. He knew he was getting spoiled traveling with Wardens, but he was determined to enjoy it while he could.

Of course, it didn't help with bandits or anything of the non-tainted variety, but that became rarer and rarer as the stories of the last two Grey Wardens spread.

Clara barked out orders--to search the bodies, the cabin nearby--and they wordlessly complied. Hardly anything was left intact after a darkspawn attack, and this one was no exception. The house was barely standing and the animals had run off long before they arrived. And the remains of three farmers were strewn around the clearing.

Unfortunately familiar with the sight, he began searching the poor souls' home. Even with such carnage, he enjoyed working with the Wardens far more than the Crows. Clara at least listened to him. He didn't with her disagree often, but she didn't threaten bodily harm when he did.

Actually, now that he thought about it, threats of bodily harm were surprisingly rare with his new group. Except Morrigan, but the lovely witch usually kept it limited to Alistair.

And he kept a substantial cut of the loot, he thought as he rummaged through a chest at the back of the cabin. He slipped the few coins into his belt. The dirty leathers he tossed. That left a single leaf of parchment at the bottom of the chest. He broke the seal with his thumb and opened it, a smile spreading across his face.

"Zev!" Clara called. "We're leaving!"

He jumped up and rushed back to the group. Wynne dabbed at the bloodstains on her robe and Sten's face, as always, was stoically impatient. The Warden, wearing a mismatched set of armor over her Circle robes, sported her usual scowl. As he grabbed her hand and swept into an overdramatic bow, her expression shifted to confusion.

"My dear Warden." He purred, holding the letter up with a flourish. "I believe I've just won the bet."

She scoffed. "No chance in the Void. Let me see that."

"I apologize, but as I've said before," he dodged her outstretched hand and winked. "Poetry simply must be read aloud."

Sten grunted, somehow putting an entire lecture's worth of disgust into the sound, before turning on his heel and marching off.

"I rather agree with our taciturn friend. I'll see you back in town." Wynne said, starting down the trail back to Redcliffe.

"There's no way that's worse than the letter I found last week." Despite their companions' lack of enthusiasm, Clara had the slightest curve of a smile. Practically jumping up and down with excitement for her, really.

"Shall I?" Zevran said, raising an eyebrow.

She waved toward the path. "Walk while you talk, Brother Genitivi."

" 'My dearest Virginia Trueroyal,' " He said in a deep Fereldan accent.

"That's awful."

"Hush now. The audience doesn't speak. 'My dearest Virginia Trueroyal,' " He scoffed. "That can not be a real name."

She chuckled. "Get on with it."

" 'Regarding: Bodice ripped.' Oh, how scandalous!" He spun around, walking backward ahead of the Warden so he could wiggle his eyebrows at her. " 'Enclosed are seven silver and my most heartfelt apologies for said bodice.' "

Clara suddenly grabbed the front of his armor and pulled him roughly to the side, narrowly missing a tree.

He didn't stop. " 'I would blame the cold ocean spray, the loss of my favorite shirt, the bucking of the stallion,' " He winked, and she rolled her eyes. " 'or perhaps the strain of maintaining all such elements while sitting for a portrait, but I was certainly not myself. I hope you will forgive me and not take it upon yourself to find your own determined way in this world.' "

" 'Yours, Ser Rival Grouseman' " He finished with a flourish.

"That was terrible." Clara frowned.

"Exactly!" He exclaimed, delighted. "I will accept payment in silver or fine leather goods, mi estrella!"

"No, that's actually, really terrible. It's not even dirty!"

Zevran gasped. "How can you say that? The 'bucking of this stallion', the 'cold ocean spray' ripped this poor woman's bodice open!"

"It's too subtle." She argued. "I don't want flowery details and sighs in the moonlight. If you're going to talk dirty, at least give it to me straight."

"Well, if you insist."

In a very appropriate display of maturity, she stuck her tongue out at him.

"No matter." He said as they stepped into Redcliffe village. "Leliana can break our tie."

A few minutes later, they stepped into the tavern. Wynne sat at a table in the corner with a tome and a mug of ale in front of her. Sten was nowhere to be seen.

After dealing with the blood mage and possession of Connor at Redcliffe Castle, Clara had refused to stay when Teagan offered. Instead, they had found rooms in the village. Since they'd cleared the dead from the town and broke the siege, they'd been welcomed back with open arms. Any unoccupied room was free for their use. Sten had taken up in a hut on the edge of town. The mages settled in an empty house so they could practice without disturbing anyone. The rest stayed in the rooms above the tavern.

They'd only been there a week, but it was a much-needed break from their constant travel. They still hunted down pockets of darkspawn and bandits to ensure the town was safe, but they also slept in real beds and ate at the tavern every night. Leliana even volunteered at the local Chantry, dividing resources and praying with the town.

Speaking of their lively bard, Zevran spotted her rushing towards them with Barkspawn at her heels.

"You're back!" She exclaimed. "How did it go?"

"I think all the bandits ran off." Clara pulled down her hood and ruffled her sweaty blonde hair. Half of it stuck straight up, making the fierce warrior look more like the head of a broom. "Didn't see anything human all day."

"And the darkspawn?"

"Not gone, but it is a blight." She shrugged. "I think we'll leave the day after next. The guard should be able to handle what's left."

"More importantly," Zevran said, "I found the winning letter!"

Leliana grinned. "I'll get the drinks!"

After drinks were delivered and they'd settled at a table, Barkspawn curled over Clara's feet, Zevran read the letter again, with plenty of flourishes and suggestive looks. The redhead giggled through the entire thing.

When he finished, Clara shook her head. "Not a chance, Zev. Mine's better."

"I don't know." Leliana said. "There is a certain poetry in it."

"What? Why are you on his side?"

She shrugged. "None of the letters I found can compare. I'm not wasting time betting on a horse that can't win."

"Fine." Clara huffed. "Then you're the deciding vote. Pick one."

Delicately tapping her chin, the bard paused, obviously deep in thought.

"You can't be serious, Leli." Clara demanded, leaning over the table. "Mine's better! Just pick mine!"

He chuckled, admiring her fierce frown. So competitive!

Leliana smiled sweetly. "It's only that poetry is best when read aloud. Zevran really made the words come alive, don't you think?"

She fluttered her eyelashes as the Warden's mouth dropped open. Clara had staunchly avoided reading aloud any of the letters they found.

"Yes," he purred, "won't you indulge us, Warden?"

"I--you can't--fine!" She snatched her bag from under the table and rooted through it, muttering under her breath.

She slapped the parchment to the tabletop. " 'Miss Ambrose'." She started, a determined set to her shoulders.

" 'A long, slow grind, the motion careful, aided by generous application of oils. Size is no concern with my equipment, and I am always mindful when stuffing, not risking a--risking--" Clara stuttered, her voice climbing higher with each word. "--a burst before every order is fulfilled.' "

Leliana giggled and he pressed a fist against his mouth.

" 'My meat--" She winced, her pale skin red as a tomato. "--goes hand in hand with satisfaction.' "

He laughed. She fought down a smile and took a deep breath.

" 'Your interest astounds, but I would not question a customer's choice in nighttime reading." She said quickly, her voice strangled. "Three pound sausage again next week? No cheek, of course.' "

She collapsed against the table, arms over her head, shoulders twitching, as Leliana and Zevran howled with laughter. Barkspawn joined in with an actual howl.

"Maker's breath," Leliana sighed. She wiped her eyes. "That was marvelous, my friend. You win."

Clara looked up, hiccupping with laughter, and tried her best to glare. "You're all terrible people."

"What a performance!" Zevran cheered and clapped. "More than worth the five silver."

She rolled her eyes, but accepted their coin without further grumbling.

"And with that, I must be off." Leliana said, standing up. "I promised I would be up early to repair a barn. Zev?"

He sighed. "Yes, I suppose. As long as you buy the drinks again tomorrow."

"Helping the locals now?" Clara asked, refilling her cup.

"I might as well." He shrugged, leaning back in his chair and waving off Leliana. "Idle hands and all that, you know."

She frowned. "Are you tired of patrolling already?"

"Oh, there is no need to pout, my Warden." He said with a wink. "You know I only have eyes for you."

She hid a smile behind her cup of wine. Zevran grinned back, putting his feet up in Leliana's empty chair. They settled into a comfortable silence, simply observing each other.

He and the Warden had been dancing around each other for the past month. They each knew what it was and where it was going--into bed, most likely, though he had no qualms about a tent or wall if that's where the moment led them. But this, the dance, was equally enjoyable. Flirting, teasing, finding out how to make her smile or blush down past the neckline of her robes.

And learning how she flirted back. That's how he knew that arguing and knocking her shoulder against his was practically a wink and a loosened bodice for Clara.

Suddenly, her mouth dropped into a true pout, eyes shifting behind him. He turned to see Alistair move quickly across the room and out the front door with his head down.

He frowned. Something had happened between their stalwart Grey Wardens. For the past week, Alistair and Clara had barely even acknowledged each other. The playful teasing was replaced by awkward silences and short, to-the-point conversations. And occasionally, he caught her staring at him like she did now. Hurt danced across her expression with abandon.

Then she scowled. In one smooth motion, she picked up her cup and drained it.

Zevran blinked. Slowly, he pushed his whiskey over to her.

She drank that just as quickly, though with a lot more coughing after. Barkspawn whined and pushed his head into her lap.

Well. This was worse than he thought.

"Mi estrella." He said, leaning forward with a smirk.

She wiped her mouth with her sleeve. "What?"

"You've drunk far more than your usual fare." He nodded to the empty cups. "Sleep here tonight, in one of the empty rooms upstairs."

"That's...probably a good idea." Clara stood with a groan and tucked her staff under her arm.

"I shall escort you."

"What possible ulterior motive could you have, I wonder?" She mused as they started up the steps.

"Believe me, I am not a subtle man." He said. "When I have a motive, you will know."

They ducked into the room at the top of the stairs. As she shucked off her armor and robes, he wandered the edges of the small room, faking interest in its small baubles and plain furniture.

"If I may pry, my Warden..."

She glanced at him, suddenly tired and thinner than she had any right to be, clad only in a thin sleeveless shirt and trousers.

"You're asking permission? That's new." She noted dryly.

"Hm. I noticed some tension between you and your fellow Grey Warden recently."

Her shoulders tensed. She winced at the movement, hand going to her right shoulder.

He padded over to the bed and sat, gesturing her towards the middle. "Here, sit."

She shifted onto the bed.

He began to knead her broad shoulders. She tensed at first, either at the new intimacy or his cold fingers. Only when she relaxed under his hands did he speak again.

"Did you disagree on how Connor was dealt with?" A feint.

"No."

"On our next journey?" Zevran found knot after knot in her muscles, like a string of pearls underneath her skin. He started to doubt this plan--having this conversation and taking care of her horribly abused muscles demanded his full attention and right now he wasn't sure which was more important.

"No," she sighed, "we both think Orzammar is the best move."

"Then he finally confessed his affections?"

Clara's head snapped around to meet his gaze.

He smiled slightly. Braska, he hadn't meant to say it quite like that. But she was a blunt woman, she might prefer a blunt approach.

"Maker," She twisted away from his hands, "I hoped it wouldn't be obvious."

"It's not your fault. Alistair is rather blatant about his feelings, though." He chuckled. That was a bit of a white lie. They were both obvious about their falling out, but a tiny fib never hurt anyone. "The poor boy has been mooning over you for a few months now."

"I must have done something to lead him on..." She said with a deep frown. "I'm a terrible friend."

He shrugged. "Well, I can't comment on that last bit, not having much experience in the area. Flirting, though, I am quite skilled in. And its all about intention."

When she didn't respond, he placed a hand on her arm, drawing her attention up to him.

"Clara, you can't lead someone on unless you mean to."

She smiled weakly.

"A massage, for example." He continued. "This could be just a friendly massage, but I hope you know enough of my intentions to tell otherwise."

She blushed, but reached up and squeezed the hand on her arm nonetheless. He pushed past the excitement buzzing in his chest. Despite knowing about their mutual interest, the acknowledgement of it thrilled him.

"Good. It's not your fault, or Alistair's, for that matter. It was just... a miscommunication."

"You make it sound so simple." Clara sighed.

"Only because it is." He said. "Give it some time and you'll both be able to look back at it with laughter."

She scrunched her nose. "Maker, you sound like an old man."

"A beauty such as yours, my lady, inspires the wisdom of ages."

She groaned and fell back against the bed dramatically. "Not more poetry!"

"Your storm-grey eyes cut my chest to ribbons," Zevran said, leaning on one hand to smile down at her. She rolled her eyes. "such do I ache for you."

"Your laugh soothes my pain and heals me." His fingers dug into her sides and she squealed as he tickled her.

Loud and unrestrained, the laughter transformed her. Her face, so often grim and lined with worry, turned bright and open. A smile split her face nearly in half.

Zevran admired the sight, his mission tonight accomplished, when she suddenly grabbed his wrists tightly. She shoved him, rolling them over and pinning his wrists above his head.

"Ha!" She crowed, victorious and beautiful, only inches above him. His heart stuttered. "That's--"

He leaned up, closing the space between them, to meet her lips. He felt, more than heard, her gasp. A breathless moment passed before she returned the kiss with a sigh.

She pressed down more firmly into him. Her hands released his and snaked down to cradle his face. Warmth trailed behind her touch, tracing patterns across his cheeks, down his neck.

He tilted his head, slanting his mouth open in invitation as he wrapped his arms around her. She ran her tongue teasingly against his bottom lip. Then, she bit down, slowly, deliberately.

He groaned as she pulled away, opening his eyes to see Clara, flushed and grinning down at him

"Your lips enthrall me." He murmured.

She chucked, brushing a kiss over the corner of his mouth. "You're absolutely terrible."

"I believe that speaks more to your taste in men than my taste in poetry, mi estrella."

"Are you ever going to tell me what that means?"

"I've no plan to."

Clara kissed him again. Her hands were buried in his hair now, grasping and pulling for new angles, as she hummed deep in her throat. And he let himself drown in her warmth, just for a while.

Sometime later, after her hand was underneath his shirt and his was gripping her thigh, Zevran pulled back.

He arched an eyebrow. "This was not the intention in my suggestion, Warden."

"So?" She grinned, her eyes dark and wild.

"So, you were close to collapse only five minutes ago." He brushed his fingers against her lips, following the curve of her smile. "And, if I have my way, this will be quite acrobatic. You'll want to be awake for it."

Truthfully, he was enjoying the chase far too much to jump into bed right now. He'd never had the luxury of time before--the lovers he had taken in the past were either jobs or other Crows. Both were always rushed, fumbling selfishly for whatever pleasure they could take before moving onto the next. This, her, would be the first entirely of his own choice, free from his masters. If he wanted to savor it, he damn well would.

Also, he made a point not to fall into bed with someone distracted by another man. Even if it wasn't 'like that'.

He'd had precious few friends in his life and never any friend as close as Clara and Alistair were. He wouldn't be responsible for the end of their friendship. After they mended their ways, then he could move forward.

Zevran shifted out from under her and brushed a kiss against her cheek. She fell back on the bed and yawned widely.

"Rather proving my point, Warden."

"Fine. It's your loss, really." Clara said, smiling as she closed her eyes and curled around a pillow. "I'm an animal in bed."

"I've no doubt." He muttered, hardly able to contain his own smile as he left.

#dao #da:o #dragon age #dragon age: origins #origins #ZevWarden #Zevran x Warden #Zevran x Amell]#zevran arainai #Zevran x female Amell #Zevran x female Warden #female amell #female warden #Clara Amell #ZevWarden fic #dragon age fanfic #fuck i already posted this under the wrong blog #whatever :(

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duhragonball · 5 years

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Dragon Ball Z 011

Hot damn! It’s time for Terror on Arlia! This is probably one of the best filler episodes ever. It’s like, the driver’s ed episode, the Goku vs. Pikkon fight, and this. I’m not sure how I’d rank them, but maybe I’ll work on that sometime later.

First off, some time has passed once again since the last episode. Now, Gohan is strong enough that the dinosaur that keeps attacking him is no longer a threat.

Gohan just calmly runs away from it, then jumps right before he runs into a boulder, and the dinosaur hits it instead.

Then he hacks off a piece of the dinosaur’s tail while it’s stunned. Again. Gohan’s apparently been doing this for a while now, and he warns the dinosaur that it’ll run out of tail at the rate they’re going. The message is simple: Don’t eat Gohan’s friends.

Gohan has also figured out how to make his own ki blasts, which is pretty high-level stuff. His ki may only be powerful enough to start a fire, but it’s way more than most of the other characters could have done at age four.

Meanwhile, Bulam, Krillin, and Yamcha are looking for Tien and Chiaotzu. Or maybe they’re just talking about looking for them now that they have Yamcha. I’m pretty sure the Gohan scenes are taking place over the course of several weeks, while these Z-Warrior scenes are supposed to be playing out over the course of a single day. Even if it really is taking this long to find Tien, why would Krillin and Yamcha be with her for the whole search? They’d be better off heading to Kami’s Lookout, so they can start training for the Saiyans.

Speaking of Tien, Launch is on the run from the cops for stealing a bunch of money for Tien.

She eludes the police with a grenade launcher.

So she escapes with the loot. Most of it anyway, a lot spilled out of the back while she was being chased.

But never mind that, here comes Vegeta. He and Nappa are on their way to Earth, and they set their space pods to put them in stasis for the year-long journey, but Vegeta programmed it to wake them up at a certain point along the way, so they could get out and stretch their legs.

Seems he found a planet along their course for Earth, and since the Saiyans conquer planets to sell for profit, he sees this as a way to make some nice profit on the side. This seems a bit out of character for Vegeta, given what we learn about him later on. I would think that the Planet Trade business is just something he puts up with until he can find a way to get out of it. So it’s not that he wouldn’t want to take a pit stop on the way to Earth, but I doubt it would be to score some extra cash.

Anyway, Nappa just wants to get out of the pod and move around a bit, so he’s up for anything.

And here’s the lucky planet they’re going to. It’s called Arlia, and it looks really crappy, even from a distance. There was an episode of Mythbusters where they tested the futility of polishing a turd, and it ended up with them making piles of dung into spheres. That’s what Arlia looks like.

The planet actually manages to look even worse up close. I don’t know if the boys meant to set down in a desolate area like this, but I always got the impression that most of the planet looks like this, so they didn’t have much choice. Vegeta concedes that they probably won’t find a buyer for Arlia after all. I figure this is the sort of planet a Space Trillionaire would buy, but only because he wants to feel like a Space Quadrillionaire.

Suddenly these big bug people show up. I don’t know why they’re so much bigger than Nappa, when the rest of the Arlians we see are not. There’s a lot we don’t know about the Arlians, and we’ll probably never know. They threaten to arrest the Saiyans and take them to King Moai.

Nappa’s eager to fight them, but Vegeta orders him to stand down for the moment, since he wants to see this Moai guy for himself. I guess he figures the planets’ leader would be in a more advance (read: valuable) location, which would give Vegeta a better idea of what Arlia has to offer.

Notable, this is the first indication of Saiyans using telepathy. Goku uses it later on, and we’ve already seen Master Roshi, Crane Hermit, Korin, and Kami use it, but it always seemed to be this mystical thing that only wise old martial artists could do. Oh yeah, and King Piccolo could telepathically communicate with his offspring.

I guess what I find interesting about this instance is that Vegeta uses it rather casually, when he could just as easily whisper to Nappa, or maybe use some nonverbal gesture to get his point across. The point here may be to indicate just how scary-powerful Vegeta is, but the thing about Vegeta is that anything we see him do can be applied to every other Saiyan character. If Master Roshi can read minds, it sort of stops there. If Vegeta can communicate telepathically, that means Nappa, Raditz, Goku, and Gohan can too, along with every other Saiyan character that hasn’t been introduced yet. Vegeta might be the only one who knows how at this point, but that’s just a matter of skill.

So here’s Moai’s stronghold, and guess what, it’s also a dump. I’m not complaining about the artwork, mind you. This scenery is breathtaking. The twin suns sort of make this look like a face, with the clouds forming a furrowed brow. It’s like the Arlians’ god is looking down on the castle, and he’s not happy with what he’s seeing.

Also, while Moai’s fortress looks moderately impessive, it’s surrounded by absolutely nothing. What happened on this planet? My guess is that it was ruined by centuries of war, but it’s also possible that the Arlians prefer it like this.

Vegeta and Nappa are taken to a dungeon, which looks like something from a Prince Valiant comic. This is the paradox of Arlia, because it looks like the Arlians are generally familiar with alien visitors, implying that they’ve been exposed to advanced technologies, but their own world is backward and medieval. They don’t even seem interested in the Saiyans’ ships or their scouters. And they lock them up behind a wooden gate. And why do they carry swords when they all seem to have some sort of red mouth laser?

While they wait, the Saiyans meet Atla, one of the native Arlians who’s been imprisoned by Moai. Well, “meet” may not be the right word. Atla just starts introducing himself and explaining the backstory while they stand silently and face in his general direction.

From Atla’s words, it sounds to me like Moai took over the planet fairly recently, perhaps after a long civil war that killed anyone more qualified to rule. Unconcerned with actually governing his people, Moai just does whatever he pleases, using his unlimited power to enforce his whims. So there’s a good chance that the planet looks like a dump because of his indifference.

I dig this sort of thing, because it reminds me of the decline of the Western Roman Empire, where the emperors eventually became little more than figureheads backed by strong military leaders. Over time, the Roman armies became supplemented by foreign mercenaries, until eventually the top generals were all foreign mercenaries, and eventually they just dispensed with the figureheads and started ruling Italy outright. I get the impression that the emperors didn’t particularly care that their domain was being usurped by outsiders, because as long as they were comfortable in their palaces then everything was fine.

There’s kind of a similar pattern in the Bible, where you see David and Solomon’s descendants slowly letting the Kingdom of Israel decline. Rehoboam’s arrogance caused the kingdom to split in two, and while there were a few good kings who embraced piety and reform, a lot of wicked kings abandoned the principles that made their reigns possible. They worshipped idols and did whatever they liked, and then eventually they found themselves surrounded by powerful enemies. The later kings were reduced to vassals, but they didn’t seem too concerned about that as long they got to sit in their palaces and pretend everything was okay.

Atla laments that now Moai is capturing space aliens on top of oppressing his own people, which suggests that Moai only sees his rule as a right to oppress other people for his own amusement.

I wrote about this episode some time back, comparing Arlia to Westeros from Game of Thrones, or A Song of Ice and Fire or whatever the hell it’s supposed to be called. I’ve never read the books because I need that time to liveblog anime, but everything I’ve heard about it suggests that the whole story is about some backwater planet full of medieval fantasy tropes, and all the leaders are corrupt, venal idiots who only stay in charge because they’re protected by bullshit laws and traditions, or because they’re better at the endless palace intrigue that goes on in the story. There’s one kingdom that was ruled by a Draco Malfoy clone, and another run by a guy who hunts naked women for sport, and I think some character keeps fetuses in jars for no apparent reason. I get the impression that a lot of the books is just George R.R. Martin trying to use shock value to pad things out. That and lore. If Tom Clancy and Howard Stern co-wrote Lord of the Rings, you might have something pretty similar to Game of Thrones.

What I’m trying to say here is that Moai seems to just sit around all day watching his subjects fight each other for his own amusment. He forced Atla’s betrothed, Lemlia, to be his queen (she’s the pink bug lady in the back), and he has soldiers just roaming the wastelands in search of new prisoners to mess with. His men captured real live space aliens and he’s like “Oh goody! Bring them before me, because I actually believe they’ll respect the idiotic rules that keep me in power.” I’m pretty sure this is exactly what King Draco Malfoy Clone would do in this situation.

He looks and talks and acts like a complete buffoon, and he’s just begging for some hero to come along and punch him in the mouthparts. Except Atla’s in the dungeon, and some other, more competent hero must have gotten killed off three books ago (cf. A Sleet of Testicles).

And this is what I love about this episode. Vegeta (along with Nappa, of course) are sort of being put into this role of traveling heroes who enter a tyrant’s domain and set things right. They’re certainly powerful enough to do it, but we already know that’s not what they’re here for.

Vegeta kills all the gladiators and informs Moai that he only let himself be captured just to get this close to the king. It astonishes me that Moai needs to have this explained to him. He’s so used to having his own way that it never dawned on him that anyone could use his arrogance against him.

Nappa strikes his classic pose and kills all the guards.

Then Moai summons an even bigger bug creature named Yedi. Nappa asks permission from Vegeta to handle this one, which I think is a nice touch.

Nappa rips off Yedi’s finger and licks the monster blood off his face. Nappa’s awesome. He’s just havin’ a good old time.

I forget why now, but rocks start falling, probably because Vegeta’s powers cause the ceiling to break apart. Moai takes cover behind his throne...

...but a rock ends up killing him anyway. I woudn’t think that’s a vital area, but what do I know about Arlian anatomy? It’s kind of fitting that Moai should die like this, in his own throne room/gladiator arena, cowering behind his throne. He thought it would protect him like it always had done in the past, but in the end he met a power that didn’t respect anything he had accomplished. The Saiyans ignored his royal robes and saw only a fool, and so he died a fool.

Atla shows up and praises the Saiyans or liberating his planet from Moai’s tyranny. You know, he could have followed them up here and helped out. They were all in the same cell, and Vegeta and Nappa destroyed the door and killed all the guards, so what took him so long?

The Saiyans just sort of look at him, and then they get back in their spaceships.

I’m not sure why they even bother flying across the surface. Maybe they’re still surveying the planet, but it’s a crappy planet no matter what angle you view it from. At last, Vegeta gives up and they head back into space.

But before they leave, he gets out of his ship and decides to leave a going-away present. How does Vegeta breathe in space? That’s one way you can tell which ones are filler scenes. They usually play faster and looser with this sort of thing.

On the surface, Atla and Lemlia are reunited at last, and it looks like everything’s going to be okay from now on, thanks to those two heroic aliens who...

LOL JK, Vegeta blew up the whole planet.

What’s so great about this is that Arlia kind of deserved to die. Not in the strictest narrative sense, but from a metanarrative viewpoint, it was just a really dumb planet. Any world that could fall under Moai’s rule probably didn’t have much longer to live anyway, and it’s almost like Vegeta put it out of it’s misery. I’m not suggesting any of this rationalizes Vegeta’s actions. This is a horrible, horrible crime, and Vegeta did it like it was nothing to him. He’s done far worse things with even less compunction.

Even so, he’s not Arlia’s villain, he’s Dragon Ball’s villain, so it’s just satisfying to watch him squash some crappy filler planet that had no redeeming value to the story. It’s like watching your favorite bad guy wrestler clobber your least favorite good guy wrestler.

And the narrator sums it up very neatly. This is what’s headed for Earth. The Saiyans destroyed Arlia like it was nothing, and what can Earth do to avoid a similar fate? Z stands for The End.

But not yet. Not yet.

#dragon ball #2019dbliveblog #vegeta #nappa #goku #launch #gohan #bulma #krillin #yamcha #moai #atla #lemlia #yedi #dragon ball z #saiyans saga

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cursewoodrecap · 5 years

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Session 2: Academics and Debates

Due to DnD being scheduling hell, Clem the fighter is Definitely Standing Just Offscreen this session. Meanwhile, the DM introduces two mechanics he has been dying to try out: Corruption, and the Deck.

There will be a full post about Corruption later (when DM tells us how the rest of it works, lol) but the point is this: the longer you stay in the cursed forest, the deeper you go, the more you experience there - the more cursed you become. It corrupts you. You can earn corruptions in various ways - cosmetic (looking more monstrous and less humanoid); psychological (e.g. feeling a compulsion for bloodlust or gaining a terrible phobia); or others I have forgotten about right now, at 9:50pm, while eating lasagna.

Certain things that happen when in the woods give you points toward a score called Taint. (Heh heh heh.) We, uh, lost our Taint virginity this session. (No, DM, we will not stop. You brought this upon yourself.)

The Deck is a deck of cards used to determine encounters. Again, full post later, but it has such cards as “The Hunt,” “The Crown,” “The Wanderer,” etc. Each one can symbolize multiple things. For example, “The Crown” represents authority and government, so it could mean help from Duke Shieldeater’s forces - or it could mean a dangerous clash with enemy soldiers.

ANYWAY, STUFF HAPPENED:

We woke in the Temple of Rack in the village of Ovruch, early in the grey dawn hours. There was brief scramblin’ around as the players did math to figure out how much starting wealth we all had and how much spare change those bandits had left lying around for us. Valeria spent some of the money overnight to make some Holy Water.

We scooted on out of the town without really saying much to anyone - the few people awake and the guards on patrol were definitely giving us Looks, but we didn’t really stop to chat.

Shoshana leads the way towards the ravine she had directed Sir Balderich to. Even in the 8 months since she’s been out in this direction, the woods have gotten darker and more foreboding, alarmingly tangled and twisted. A decent Survival check does right by us, and DM directs Shoshana, as the one rolling it, to draw a card from the Deck. She draws The Crown.

The Crown: Authority, government. A bit of good luck (and perhaps DM guilt?) leads us to a fortuitous find: an abandoned cart bearing the seal of the Royal House of Valdia, smashed and overgrown. There’s a strongbox off to the side, nestled in a hard-to-see place, miraculously untouched by bandits. Gral examines it, wondering if he might be able to coax open the lock...when the pommel of a shining sword just slams down and smashes the lock mechanism to smithereens. Thanks for the crit, Valeria.

We find: 100gp, 4 jewelry items of 25gp value each (1 mirror, 1 bracelet, and 2 rings), a silver dagger (given to Gral), and a bladeless sword hilt carved in runes. Gral and Shoshana determine that the sword hilt is not evil and probably magic, but hell if we know what it does.

We travel onward, and Valeria draws the next card: The Wanderer. The DM cannot suppress his glee, because he has an NPC he really really likes and it’s time to use him!

We hear shouting in a strange language - Draco-Aquilian, which only Valeria knows. Also generally crashing mayhem noises. We hustle on closer, and Valeria understands that the person is shouting “OH GOD! LIGHTNING DOESN’T WORK! LIGHTNING DOESN’T WOOOORK!”

There is a cart, drawn by two lizardlike beasts of burden. There is a Shambling Mound trying to engulf the cart and its inhabitants. Two Goliaths, a male and a female, are all tangled up in the thing, and there is a skinny, fancily-dressed blue Dragonborn generally panicking atop the cart. Being PCs, we attempt to kick butt. It eats Valeria (a helpful Goliath pulls her out), Shoshana sprays it with weedkiller, and we all go “???!?! WE ARE LEVEL 2″ but we don’t die. Valeria uses a Smite of some sort that looks like glowing vines snake through its plant form and burst into roses!!! It’s very Sailor Moon. Valeria gains 3 Taint for dropping to 0 HP while in a Cursed area.

The fancy Dragonborn hops down from the damaged cart and addresses Valeria in Draco-Aquilian, which nobody else speaks. “Greetings! I certainly must say, I did not expect to be rescued by a Knight of the Rose! I am Lucinius Galvan, Professor of Archaeology of the University of Aurentium!” He and Valeria chat a moment - “Argent? Oh I’m sure I’ve heard that name-” “Daughter of Renata and Bastion of the Silver Steppes.” “Oh, of course! The princess who became a knight! I’m merely an Earl myself-”

a) Yes, I wrote down your lore, feel free to correct my spelling; b) They’re speaking Fancy Dragon Words so the other characters don’t know any of this.

We also meet his Goliath bodyguards, Bjorn and Ingborg, who speak...not that much Valdian. They are Vangarians - part of a highly professional force of mercenaries rented out by the Draco-Aquilian Emperor. Extremely practical in the face of nonsense. Lucinius, meanwhile, requests them to bring out Tea! and Fancy Teacups! and Breakfast! and little stools to sit on! Bjorn complies, long-sufferingly. Shoshana is Awkward Turtle about fancy rich people things, and Gral is pretty suspicious but definitely has some jam and toast.

“I say! Are you local to this area, madam?” he inquires. Turns out he’s searching for some Aquilian ruins in the area, and Shoshana is able to give him decent directions to the spot she used to play in as a child. He describes his research - there’s a presentation, with visual aids. Bjorn tries to save us from having to sit through it, but academia cannot be stopped. Why did the Aquilian Empire never conquer the Greatwood? We must DO ARCHAEOLOGY about it!!!

Also, he identifies the mysterious sword hilt as, functionally, a scroll of Flame Blade. Neat! Due to a conversational mix up between etymology and entomology, he gives us a magic beetle that acts as a floating lamp. We love our Rune Beetle. (He pulls it out of “one of his many pockets,” and is immediately declared to be wearing the world’s fanciest Tacky Fisherman Vest.)

He’s ready to cheerfully forge on into the forest! Gral and Shoshana quietly pull Bjorn aside and warn him that the Cursewood is, like, super cursed? Did you guys not notice??? Bjorn and Ingborg thank us for the information, and continue on their way, almost certainly figuring out how to put a child leash on the adorable fancylizard.

Gral draws the third and final card of the night: The Outlaw. We come across a small camp: the bandits who attacked Ovruch the night before. Gral overhears them - their leader, the largest and most imposing, is threatening the others into compliance. They are uneasy - the wolves ran away last night after the werewolf was killed; can they trust the freaks in the ravine not to betray them? Doesn’t matter! The freaks in the ravine will eat them if they don’t cooperate, and they’ll get better loot by working with ‘em.

Shoshana is like “welp,” and rolls up her sleeves, but Valeria very nobly goes “NO, there must be Another Way.”

“Uh, you do realize those are the guys who KILLED INNOCENT PEOPLE yesterday, right?”

“And we just heard they’re being coerced! We don’t have to just kill them.”

Valeria strides into the bandit camp in a Nonthreatening Pose, weapons down. The bandits all jump to alertness, because Large Dragonperson In Armor, Oh No. She begins to offer them another option - we don’t know if she’s thought of one yet, but dang does she roll well on her Persuasion check to get them to listen. The bandits are going “...hmm, IS there another way?” but their leader, the madness of the Curse in his eyes, orders them to attack.

We kick their butts; Valeria deliberately nonlethals the bandit leader into unconsciousness. Gral offers the other bandits a harsh but fair option out: “Travel south, to where Duke Shieldeater’s forces are clear-cutting forest in order to hold back the Curse. Volunteer yourself for manual labor there. You will be treated fairly, if you work. In your spare time you will learn Orcish, for we have need of translators.”

The bandits, who have all gained Brooklyn accents, say, “Okay, deal, but...your friend there ain’t gonna kill us as we leave, is she?”

Because as they spoke, Shoshana had definitively Chill Touched their leader to death.

She agrees she’s not going to kill the bandits, but they better get the fuck out of here.

We also grill the bandits for information on The Hunt, which is what the “freaks in the ravine” call themselves. We learn that they sleep with wolves around them, and those that disagree with them are hunted for sport. There are traps set up around the perimeter of their territory - that’s how they captured the knight, who they are now keeping in some kind of cage. The bandits are unsure of the identity of the main leader - there was Lupo, the werewolf we killed last night, but they mostly listen to this Weird Guy In A Hood. Also, there is a huntress-woman, an archer girl. Shoshana freezes, and carefully asks who the huntress is, and what she looks like. They say she’s spooky; the shadows cling to her.

The knight is caged in the ravine, the part where it gets supernaturally dark. Most of the camp is outside The Darkness, but there’s a cave down there where the Huntress and the Weird Hooded Guy and Lupo lived. They bring the bandit leaders down there sometimes, to show them who’s in charge.

Also there’s this war-boar running around, with a dead Demish knight still strapped to its back?

We let the bandits (whose accents have swapped to Southern) escape, and then Valeria and Shoshana have what some folks call a “spirited ethical debate,” which in layman’s terms means they are PISSED at each other.

Valeria is shocked and appalled that Shoshana would kill an unconscious man. Especially when the bandits were surrendering and cooperating! Monstrous and brutal behavior. How could you?

Shoshana angrily stands by her decision. “How many people did those men kill last night?” she asks. “People I grew up with. And you think letting these bandits go free is worth letting them do that to innocent people again? Their leader was already Curse-mad. Too far gone.” (To be fair, she is too pissed off in the moment, and her player too awkward, to articulate her position this eloquently.)

Valeria erases 3 Taint for doing something so noble and heroic against the will of the Curse. Shoshana gains 3 Taint for acting in a way encouraged by the Curse.

With nothing to do but simmer at each other, and Gral diplomatically not choosing a side out loud, there is nothing to do but move on.

DM agrees that we could take a long rest now and reach the ravine by 4 or 5 pm. We jump at the chance to get our spell slots back, but each take 3 Taint for spending so long out here in the cursed lands.

All characters are now level 3.

#session recap #shoshana bat chaya #gral omokk'duu #valeria argent #ovruch #the ravine #the hunt

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