#and one grocery shopping trip when i was almost healthy again and hadnt cought the second;worse sickness

[zelzelez]

Sleep cycle seems fucked, but actually only if you count for free days. Every morning I wake up at 6 and don't know what the fuck to do with myself. I'm sick! And it's Sunday anyway! Now I'm just stuck here with my brain all active again, thinking thinking thinking. I'm too tired to do anything against it, and honestly, I still lack coping mechanisms for overthinking. Maybe if I wasn't such a lost noodle I could stitch/mend torn clothes? Maybe I could write for my bachelor's thesis? Maybe I could puzzle, or paint, read poems?

I'm too fucked by now tho. I feel lonely inside so I go online. I am too tired and too lazy and too hopeless, so everything seems pointless anyway, so scrolling is the easiest. My brain is on an endless scrolling-trip, with or without the phone, so why not take the phone.

God damn if the phone addiction hasn't become the worst of all ... But this stupid life so easily sets you up for it, too.

#im exhausted #ive been at home and in bed for two weeks now #ive left the house only once for a long walk through the fresh snow in the beginning of the first week and then three small trips to the #doctors around the corner to pick up paper shit #and one grocery shopping trip when i was almost healthy again and hadnt cought the second;worse sickness #the damage this time has done to my rhythm and work ethics and relationship to the outside world as a huge concept and m #and my immediate environment is fucking unbearable #it threw me out of all the routines i had been forcibly training myself into #i lost so much of my fitness; havent been to the gym in a month now and have only been on my (by now very sore) back all the two weeks #not to mention that world politics and the complete and utter shock of realising wtf germany is #what the US is!!! #has fucked me up once more #i mean its not the first time and i knew already but its been years that i have had these realisations that werent just theoretical or #mentally understood; this was another round of feeling it in my BONES #understanding the dire fucking state of it all #psychological damage 4000 #my life #at least yesterday i was able to feel 5 minutes of sun on my skin #which is more than in the last two weeks combined