#and maybe later down the line I’ll rewatch all the old music videos since I only did audio for the song posts

[aviel-the-trans-bucket]

Welcome back my madlads, today is our last foyer down emo nostalgia lane as my next post will likely be on Gerard’s solo album hesitant alien and his singles. Today we’ll be doing an mcr medley, any song I missed because it wasn’t on one of the main albums and also covers they’ve done. I’m excited to see what all is left so let’s get this started.

So this is kinda an eclectic mix of songs ranging from every snowflake is different to desolation row. I’m excited to listen to what’s left which does include fake your death and foundations of decay. I am hopeful maybe we’ll see a new album on the horizon but if not it was nice to feel a part of this sphere during this comeback. We’ll go by date and start with the songs that aren’t dated as they remain unreleased.

Note I’ll likely be very unfamiliar with most of these covers, the exception being all I want for Christmas because Mariah Carey is an scp and she lives in all our brains.

The Drugs: ok starting off, this one kinda rocks man. Good opening guitar. Ok is pretty good, but I’m pretty neutral on it. I might just be a lil over saturated on mcr after all this tbh, it may take a lot more to wow me now.

Sister To Sleep: ok this one is real difficult cause of my audio processing issues, I literally have no idea what’s being said, audio too crunchy. It’s probably a bop tho. Maybe I should have listened to a video of them playing it live instead.

Still Alive: ok so I literally could not find any reference of this on YouTube, oh well maybe one day some of these will get studio releases.

Jack The Ripper: ok cover time, let’s see what this one has to offer. Pretty groovy, not bad so far. Oh ok I think this one is gonna fuck. Once again my autism ears not liking crunchy audio. Again not bad I’m neutral on it, maybe if I was capable of hearing properly I’d like it more. It can’t be helped.

All I want For Christmas Is You: Ah yes, the cursed texts. I’m excited to hear their take on it, but I feel like every time I listen to it normally I take psychic damage. His voice is magic, gritty in the best ways. Slam me with the fucking guitar in the face man cmon do it. Yea this one is bop. I like it it, it’s nice. It’s not blasting my tits off but that’s fine.

Astro Zombies: ok next song, maybe this one will obliterate my shit. Ok got guitar. Oh this one kinda rocks. Got a good groove to it. Not bad, again we’re in like nice/good tier.

Under Pressure: so this song has a reputation, and yet I still haven’t even listened to the original. So of course time to listen to a cover. Oooooo I like this, oh fuck yea. This is what I’ve been waiting for! It’s not melting my face but it’s super fucking good tho!

Desert Song: ok acoustic time, this one is about to knock me on my ass into my feelings ain’t it? Oh this is beautiful. Also I’m getting some serious foundations vibes, “did you come to stare or wash away the blood” and “let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away” feel like parallels. Ok it’s somber and beautiful but it isn’t putting me in my feelings thank fuck. But this and foundations really do feel like sister songs. I really enjoy this, oddly relaxing in a way.

Song 2: this seems like another with crunchy audio, let’s hope I can understand what’s being said. Oh hello, guitar fucks. Oh damn, sassy. This one does fuck. Oooooooh fuck yea the guitar FUCKS!!

Untitled/ Someone Out There Loves You: oooo haunting opening melody, very pretty. And the guitar fucks! Ok this one rocks, like pretty fucking good.

The Black Parade Is Dead: ok short and sweet, the killing of the black parade, a nice interlude. Welcome back from the dead you beautiful bastards.

Desolation Row: Not sure what to expect but I’m kinda excited. Now this fucks! This rocks, I like this :). Maybe I should go back through and do all the mcr music videos, because for all these posts I’ve just been doing the audio.

Common People: ooo synthy. Ok this one is ok not bad. Again pretty neutral on it, but not bad. God damn the guitar is going nuts tho.

Every Snowflake Is Different (Just Like You): ah yes, the yo gabba gabba song. Let’s hear it, see how this goes. Yo why’s the audio so crispy. Ok new video. That’s better. This is cute, charming. It’s a good time, very cute.

Hell Hath No Fury: very short but kinda a banger, shame it’s was unfinished but what exsists is pretty nice.

Fake Your Death: damn we’re almost done, this is the last song I haven’t heard yet, before I get m6 face ripped off by foundations. Oh this is nice. Oh damn I like this beat. Man this is a fucking bop. Good song, I like.

Foundations Of Decay: here’s the last one until they drop new music boys, she’s been living in my liked videos almost since it dropped and boy does it blow our tits clean off. Comfortingly nostalgic but at the same time some entirely new and I’m so here for this glorious rebirth. Starts slow and staticky and lovely, then it drops and punches you in the face and I fucking LOVE It!!! And as the vermin crawl 😌. Shit moves through you man, I adore this song. GET! UP! COWARD!

Quite the journey, and I’m really hoping it isn’t over just yet! There were many songs, some ok and some that make me feel like I’m getting hit in the gut. This has been a wonderful journey from birth, to Black Death, to our own little Renaissance. I look forward to where we’ll go from here but for now, I must say goodbye. From here on I’ll be listening to the solo music of each of the members, my next post should be hesitant alien. It’s been real my madlads and my top 5 of this medley of songs are…

1: Foundations Of Decay (obviously)

2: Fake Your Death

3: Desolation Row

4: Desert Song

5: Under pressure

Man…it’s finally over. Well I guess I’ll see you madlads back with hesitant alien. Maybe I’ll see you back with a new mcr album if we’re lucky. It’s been a joy going down this walk down emo memory lane with you all, lots of love ❤️

#aviel rambles #aviels emo nostalgia music hour #mcr #my chem romance #my chemical romance #i’m catching up on old mcr stuff in the off chance they drop a new album post return #this sure was something #I’m honestly kinda sad it’s over #but it was a joy to do #and maybe later down the line I’ll rewatch all the old music videos since I only did audio for the song posts

[belladonnablake]

All odd numbers 🖤

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?: boston summer sunsets are always peachy but there’s something about the morning sky after it snows that is just as good? sunsets for summer and mornings for winter3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?: i’d like to wear scarves more often than i do but i don’t know what to do with the back of my hair when i do? so maybe i will more often once it’s styled if i ever go to a hairdresser before the next time i die? but i do have a fave! i bought myself a tottenham hotspur scarf in the north end more than a few years ago and i’ll. try to take pictures of myself wearing it. i’ll try to take pictures of myself this year because i didn’t last year lol5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?: there’s a lot of things but i can’t think of too many right now! a lot of it is regional food you can’t find in new england or you can but you have to go out of your way. i’ve tried both rabbit and gator in the past couple years and i want to try more meats. caribou would be nice too. this is one of those questions i could talk forever without ever answering it completely so i’ll cut it here you’re welcome7: Do you listen to ASMR?: not too often but i’ll listen to rain or like moving water in general when i write on occasion, otherwise the music i’m listening to influences the music i’m writing. but nothing more than that9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?: i answered this but because it’s a question that can be answered more than once so i’m gonna do that. i love winter jack jack daniels. it’s like apple whiskey. i love my new pink and green joycons and i love the green and pink colour scheme in general. i love my new hoodies too. one is a powell peralta hoodie with a small logo on the front and big on the back, of the bones skeleton with the red hood. and the other is a thrasher hoodie with green font and a pink jellyfish11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?: my hands are shaky and have always been shaky so my straight lines, they’re straighter than i am but they’re still bad. i don’t even think i own a ruler but if i were going to draw a straight line i’m going to need one lol13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?: one of them is apple something and the other two are sparkling icicles and sweater weather which like. i don’t know how to describe either but it’s not the same as lighting a sweater on fire or sticking an icicle up your nose15: Do you have glasses?: another one where i’ll try to take pics for later but i have green aviators, red aviators, and purple aviators. all sunglasses off of rainbowoptx dot com17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?: winter autumn tie but my fave months are october, november, and december, and all but ten days of that are in autumn? 19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie: it’s been years since i’ve seen either so forgive me if my memory fails me but i remember princess mononoke, kiki’s delivery service, and spirited away the most out of all of either ghibli or disney? and i should probably rewatch them soon as well as the others to see if that still stands21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?: i don’t think i’ve ever actually gotten snacks at the theatre? i haven’t been in years, but there are a few things either out or coming out that look like they’d be worth going even if the concept of theatres is something that i don’t really understand? ...i’m thinkin bout once upon a time in hollywood baby! the best candy for theatres is reeses pieces and like any of the bites candy? cookie dough bites etc23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?: i keep my liquor bottles around to use them as vases tbh. there really isn’t a place for plants in our apartment, or maybe there is and i haven’t found it25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.): my style varies all the time and i try to do all of the above, i’m very inconsistent myself. but i’m very fond of 3D modeling atm!27: Do you like nicknames?: i like nicknames if i like the person using them? i’m a person with a lot of names because i’m a dumb kinnie and hate using one name exclusively and i guess all my names are nicknames but like. i don’t like how nicknames for most people are shortened names or how they think shorter names are nicknames for a longer name idk like i’ve got a cousin named liam, that’s not his nickname. his legal name might be william but that’s not his name. his nicknames have nothing to do with that. and like there’s nothing wrong with nicknames that are shortened versions of a name but i hate how that’s what most people think of them as29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth): i don’t like how meme formats are the same and the reaction image changes. i like reaction images but i don’t like how some of them become memes and then it changes to a different image for the same format. i like the new wave of doge memes and i still like pepe and i love how stupid dat boi was 31:  Are you a fashionable person?: i’m a crusty folk punk that wears the same flannel every day but doesn’t know how to make crust pants33:  Cookies or brownies?: i don’t love either and would rather just eat raw cookie dough. i think there is such a thing as too much chocolate and brownies do have too much and cookies are often borderline but i do like a baller macaron or cheesecake cookie35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?: i live in a city so... replace crickets with drunks screaming anything from the lyrics to everlong to i need you! we need you! we need you! we need you! we need you! fucking idiot! i don’t have further context for either but ya that’s relaxing to me37:  How often do you doodle?: not as often as i should because of the perfectionism thing giving me this fear of practice? i blame public school for killing off as many artists as they can tbh39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?: mr. durdam... he is a hollow plastic penguin around kneehigh next to the tv stand / amiibo shelves. we also hung waluigi from the ceiling for a while.41: Any birthmarks?: i got two dots on my wrist, one larger one smaller. looks like an exclamation point !43: First video game you ever played?: it was either one of the early zelda games or one of the ps1 games? i was too young to form memories but i know it was one of the two. i know i played arcade games at some arcade on hampton beach when i was that young too. qbert that orange FUCK45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?: i’m trying to get better at remembering to save reaction images and remembering to use them. i don’t even know how people use the gifs when replying to people because i was stuck with a phone that couldn’t update its operating system for years and now i have a new phone with an up to date operating system and i’m still figuring things out47: Ideal temperature outside?: so it’s either gonna be below freezing so it’s able to snow or like... around 50 or below and literally feels like nothing at all. because i hate when it’s too hot to wear beanies. i like when it’s cold and i like when it’s not hot or cold. but i hate hot49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?: if i were to go outside and lie down on my back i could watch airplanes all day long. it’s a little different than being on castle island but it’s still close enough to logan to where planes are near constant but not too loud. i hear the train every ten minutes too. and the cars are always

#love you <3 #icyhot-ingenium

[cheollies]

Fanboy!Hansol

a/n: tbh a quarter of my motivation to write this was because of the gif, he’s just so pretty like how???????

requested by: an anon messaged me a while ago wanting a fanboy Hansol. originally I was going to write this for his birthday but then i saw that gif, so thank Hansol. 

He’s not low-key but he’s also not high high key, but he’s like up there

More likely to be rapping your lyrics in public

he works at a convenience store and figured out that he could hook his phone up to the speakers and play the music he wants

He works from the evening to maybe like 11 or midnight sometimes and so the owner usually leaves by the time Hansol shows up

so you know he gonna be blasting your group songs

once played the same song over and over again just because he liked the way you sounded in it

when he restocks, he’s gonna be singing and spitting out your raps cause that’s just how Hansol does

Hansol discovered you because he knew your past

sounds creepy but hear me out

When he was in highschool, his friends took him out to this underground rap place, and hansol thought the place was the coolest thing ever, he had the time of his life

and then suddenly a girl steps onto the stage, and you know, some of the guys were snickering because a girl seriously

but before Hansol knows it, you’re spitting fires out of your mouth, literally tearing the whole place down and Hansol feels as though his whole mind is stalling, in his head he’s like ohh shiiiit

Hansol saw you a few more times at a few other underground events, and he was always so excited to see your name in the lineups, you had definitely become one of his favs

and whenever you performed, he would sometimes record it so he could listen to it later since you hadn’t released anything officially

He even followed you on social media

anyway, it had happened so quickly, Hansol stopped seeing you at the events, your social media was deleted and basically everything about you had disappeared

he asked around whenever his friends took him to the underground places, and everyone had said the same thing

‘y/n got into a company. She’s going to debut in an idol group’

He was kind of disappointed that you’d be in an idol group but he’s like, what the hell, at least you’d be getting the recognition you deserve

so from there, Hansol stuck with you.

Literally felt like his heart was crying when your company confirmed the groups debut date

you may have deleted your social media, but we all know Hansol was whipped for you and had already saved some of your old photos

he also still has his old recordings of you that he keeps precious to his heart

Hansol started attending music shows just to see you

but he ended constantly running into this guy that sounded like he was crying and dying all the time

That was Seungkwan

yeah, he meets Seungkwan because they keep running into each other at the music show, and whenever your group is doing the little pre-photoshoot outside of KBS, Seungkwan is there screaming his head off about his bias

Hansol and Seungkwan were part of the few males there and Seungkwan opened up to Hansol so fast that Hansol was just like welp looks like I’m his friend now

now that they’re buddy buddies, Seungkwan took the time out of his time screaming for his bias to scream, ‘Y/N. MY BEST FRIEND HANSOL, THINKS YOU’RE THE PRETTIEST WHEN YOU SMILE’

and Hansol watched you break into the most beautiful embarrassed smile

‘THANK YOU HANSOL’

you scream back as you and your group are leaving and Hansol thinks he’s about to fall over at how your voice said his name

Because of Seungkwan, Hansol got added into the groupchat

and now he spends much of his time at work on his phone sending memes of your group to the guys

He shows the guys all the recordings of you predebut too and they all comment about how cute you were

And Hansol’s doing a foot stomp ‘SHE’S NOT CUTE! SHE’S SO COOL!! SHE’S COOL!!!’

Wonwoo: okay bro, she’s cool

Jun: She’s still cute though

Hansol: SHE’S MINE

Jun: WELL SHE’S MY BIAS WRECKER SO SUCK IT

Woke up one morning to Seungkwan spamming him, and the words are all blurry to him since he just woke up so he calls Seungkwan and Seungkwan is shouting

‘Y/N PUT OUT A FRICKIN SURPRISED MIXTAPE’

you bet he be sitting in his room with a racing heart as he listens to it and all the guys are spam texting him asking if he alive

Plays the mixtape and only the mixtape at work for a week

Probably would still cry about it if someone asked him about the mixtape

Some of the songs you put out were actually studio versions of his recordings, but he prefers listening to the old recordings since they hold such a special place in his heart

Hansol never attended a fan meet until mama Jeonghan was like I GOTCHU and boom, he’s in

Hansol doesn’t even know how he should feel when he saw you come onto the stage

on one hand he wants to scream for you, on the other hand he wants to bask in how beautiful you were, and on another hand he’s so nervous

He feels like when he was in high school again, back to when he was watching you on stage but this time was totally different, this time you’re style, your hair, everything about you was different

and he just can’t take his eyes off of you

‘Hi!’ you smile so brightly at him when he approaches you.

‘Hi.’ he says it so nervously, ‘i actually have something to show you’

‘Okay’ you nod while grabbing his album to sign

And while you’re flipping the pages, you hear, your voice, your old rapping style, your old song that has never been released

and you start laughing uncontrollably because your old past self makes you cringe so much

‘YAH’ you scream taking his phone to turn it off. you seriously can’t stop laughing and smiling, and your waving your hand around as everyone stares confused

Hansol is honestly smiling so much because your laugh, your smile, everything about the crinkle and sparkle in your eye is making him so happy

Because of you the line is being held up and it takes you almost five minutes to calm down before you grab a mic, and you’re sighing so much into it

You point at Hansol while everyone stares ‘this guy! he just showed me a predebut recording of when I used to rap underground. Seriously, it’s been so long. The video is so old, i never even released the song’

You’re non-stop smiling in front of him because the video really made your day.

By the end of the session with you, you’re holding his hand, waving it around cutely while smiling at him.

‘You shouldn’t show that video to anyone!’ you cutely glare at him

He can’t help but smile a toothy grin and he nods, ‘okay, i’ll keep it for myself’

You’ve come to remember him as the guy who has so many receipts of you

And he enjoys seeing you smile and laugh at everything he shows you

He also uses his discount at the convenience store to buy you all your favorite snacks and he brings a whole bag filled with them and he loves watching you munch on them when you get a little break

He still records you, he’s doesn’t have a professional camera like Jeonghan and Seungcheol may have but his phone does him justice

and there’s moments where you catch him recording and wave to him

Oh boy, Hansol is just so utterly infatuated with you. He loves you, he loves that you’re so popular now and that you’re doing great in the industry. But he’ll always remember that first time he heard you spit fires into the mic. He’ll always rewatch those low quality videos of you, and he’ll still think you were incredibly beautiful. No matter what you do, or how you may change. You’ll still be everything to him.

#hansol #svt #seventeen #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #hansol scenarios #vernon #vernon scenarios #fanboy au

[littledreamybeth]

Me & Harry Styles (personal story)

First of all, I want to start with a point that is about Dunkirk. I watched it today and I really enjoyed the movie! Harry's acting was quite impressive and he almost made me hate his character, but almost. I'm not only proud of him but also very proud of the whole crew. I grew to like Gorge a lot, played by Barry Keoghan, and I think he's a very cute guy. The movie was exciting and intense. You'll definitely won't be disappointed. Go watch it Now... Since I watched Dunkirk, I feel and immense pain enveloping my heart and I cried a lot today. Not because of the movie. No, because of Harry. I used to do this quite a lot in the past. But I'll mention it again later. I want to share my little history with you, how I fell in love with Harry Styles and all the things that happened in the last couple of years... Enjoy! I have to admit that I wasn't in the 1D fandom from the very beginning. I didn't even know that the boyband even existed. (OMG!) I joined the fandom and became a Directioner at the end of 2012, like November or December. I was 14 years old, hitting to my 15th and I was in 9th grade. I made a work experience together with my friends and we used to sing 'What makes you beautiful' a little bit, I heard about that song but never knew who it belonged to really. We just sang this line over and over again, nothing more. That's how I came in contact with the band. I started to hear the song, asking my friend to send it to me and continued listening to it up and down. I started to create my personal music video to it, me being a princess and the boys trying to impress me and later me running away with them. I slowly developed some feelings for our curly haired boy then. The first four songs I listened to were 'What makes you beautiful', 'One Thing', 'Live while we young' and 'Little Things'. I really enjoyed these songs. My feelings for Harry grew more but then the first shock came: Harry dating Taylor Swift! Just for your information I never liked Haylor nor Hendall, and I don't like these persons either. (Don't argue with me on that, I will not change my mind) I was beyond heartbroken and instantly wanted them to break up. I hoped they would break up as soon as possible. I started to read articles about them which made me want to puke. It was horrible. But then, relief came back into my life: Haylor broke up! Honestly, I wasn't sorry for that! I was just like 'Taylor, you are never ever ever ever getting back together!" :D Then 2013 came, starting with 'Kiss you', then 'One way or another', 'Best Song Ever' and 'Story of my life'. At the same time I began to love one of my old classmates and 1D accompanied me through this whole year with their music. When I started to love somebody else, I slightly shoved Harry into the back of my head but he was still there, waiting to be reminded. At the same year 'This is us' was going to be published and I know how much excited I was to watch it but I never made it. When I saw 'Best Song Ever' for the first time, I couldn't stop but laughing. The entire video was so funny and so cool, the boys were absolutely amazing. Later that year, I started to feel depressed because me and my crush wouldn't get together, I told him about my feelings but he never gave me a response to it. 1D saved me from going insane. Then 2014 came and I have to say, I left the fandom a little bit. I still listened to their music but not too much anymore. I was busy with personal stuff and so on. Besides I had another celebrity crushes like James Maslow that I started to feel interested to. With 'Night Changes' I found my way back to One Direction (Winter 2014). However, my feelings for Harry didn't came back as quickly as possible. First of all, I fell in love with Luke Evans after rewatching the Hobbit again. But before that happened, I bought 'After' by Anna Tood without even knowing that this was based on One Direction. By coincidence I searched for it on Instagram and found out about it. As I read the story, of course picturing Hardin Scott as Harry, my feelings for him took control again. Harry Styles kicked Luke Evans out of my mind. The whole summer 2015 I was only thinking about Harry. When we drove to my home country in August (holidays), I couldn't stop but imagining little scenes about me and Harry and even Marcel the marketing guy. How we were a couple, loving, holding and kissing each other and a lot more. By the time I listened to '18', 'Strong' and 'Rock me', creating my own little films again. When you read my imagine 'Lost Angel', this idea came up in my mind while I was travelling in the night through a foreign country. So the idea is two years old. After my holidays school started again and also I fell in love for another celebrity who's also a reason why I created my blog: Rami Malek. Harry was forgotten quickly, waiting somewhere in the back of my head. I still listened to 1D songs, I was still in the fandom.Until 2016, it was all about Rami, but in summer '16 I found my way back to Harry again. Reading fanfictions about him and all the stuff. When I heard about Dunkirk the first time I knew I was going to watch this movie. I was so excited to see it! Then we come to the year 2017 where we are now. I didn't stopped loving, Harry, I think I never stopped loving him even though I had so many celebrity crushes. Back in February I was all for Bruno Mars but when I saw the promo clip for 'Sign of the Times', Harry's green eyes at the end of that clip, I immediatly was out of that phase. I was soooo excited and I couldn't wait for the song and the album to be out. Honestly, I feel like I had and on-off-relationship with Harry. I dunno why. He always knew how to find back to me and into my heart, kicking away the other celebs off my head. Loving Harry is not simple, it really isn't. I had a time where I cried because I knew and I still know that I will never ever meet him. I will never find out how he looks in person, not only on Tv, I will never know how it feels to have him in my arms, I will never hear his voice in real. I know that all. And if you're asking me where I do, I just know. I have no chance in things like that, never will. I think I'm not the only one who wants this whole-heartedly but I wish I could be a part of his life. A friend he would talk to. Somebody he'd grow to love. You know what hurts too much? That Harry doesn't even know that I exist. He doesn't know that there is a girl out there, who's loving him and caring for him so much. He will never know. And if I'd meet him one day, which I quite doubt, he would forget me anyway, as soon as possible and I don't want that! I want him to remember me, like I always did. Still do. I hate that I fall in love with somebody that I can't even have. We're all in the same boat, we all share the same feeling for that handsome, kind, loving, genuine, green-eyed young man: LOVE! I will never love anybody as much as I love Harry. I'm still hoping that one day I will be able to run a converstion with him, but there is still doubt following me, making me pessimistic instead of optimistic. If Harry is somewhere out there, having a secret Tumblr account and if he stumbles across this post, I just want him to know that I love him endlessly. I will support and care for him as much as I can. I think he deserves the world, he really does. I never met anyone like Harry Styles. Thank you for everything, Harry!❤ So that's it actually my personal story. Hope you enjoyed reading and maybe you can share your experiences with me. Just tagg me on it, if you decide to write it. Thanks for reading! All the love...

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #one direction #story time

[jess-oh]

Reflection

I don’t really know how I’m feeling. I think I’m just trying to drown something out but I’m left feeling thoroughly unsatisfied by everything. I keep rewatching old clips from shows that I finished watching, hoping that it will do the trick when in reality, I’m just hellishly bored! And it’s because I’m not being productive. I know I’m a day late with my reflection. I got home around 3:40am(?) last night and I knew that I could totally just stay awake and write my reflection real quick. There wasn’t even much to talk about. But I chose not to. I chose to just do it tomorrow morning. And then I woke up several times but chose to stay in bed until I literally could not handle sleeping any longer. Yes, I’ve been sleeping so much but I actually hate it. I want to be doing something with my life. I did start doing calligraphy but I could be doing so much more. I could be rereading old books or reading books that I bought but never bothered to reading the first place. I could have written those letters to P. Billy and P. Daisy and Andrew and David and everyone in between for their birthdays and farewells. But I didn’t. Instead, I wasted my life away. And granted, yes, I did do some things today. I actually talked to financial aid and though I didn’t leave with all the necessary information, I did get most of it. But I know that I could’ve been a lot more thorough with my research. But I just wanted to get it done and over with so that I could get back to my entertainment and saying, “sayonara” to my life. I have one more Tuesday left. Maybe I should go snowboarding with Andrew. Just to have something to do. Or maybe I’ll just pack all day but c’mon, it won’t take that long. I could easily finish everything on Monday and just do the last finishing touches Tuesday night or Monday morning. I don’t need that long. I know what I need to pack and what I want to order. And yes, I did my QT last night early and maybe I was just in a weird mood because it was the first day of my period but the reflection is usually the easy part and I couldn’t even do that. What if I didn’t do my QT early and we still stayed out that late? Then I would’ve missed two things. I want to be busy. I want to be productive. I need to be. I can’t live with myself when I’m just wasting my life away. And I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. It’s because of my parents though, I know that. They’re always on my ass, telling me to stop watching videos and to be productive and do something. And I do love to serve and be productive but sometimes I want to rest and I feel like I can’t when I’m living with them. But I don’t think that’s necessarily bad. Because I don’t want to just be a sloth and not get a 4.0 every semester and raise my 3.9 up, up, up. And I kind of want to confide in my friends and let them know that I’m so stressed out all the time because of my parents. But at the same time, I don’t. Because I don’t think it’s a bad thing and I don’t want them to just immediately side with me. I want them to be honest.

I think I’ve gotten a lot more blunt since I’ve been home and I’m hoping that that’s a good thing. And maybe I’ll make enemies as a result. I will probably make enemies as a result because not everyone wants to hear the truth. I’m your friend and I’m not just here to comfort you. I’m here to tell you what I’m really feeling and my objective perspective. And you can leave now if that’s what you want to hear. 

I’ve tried saying something to P. Billy and P. Daisy since retreat but when the moment comes, I always shy away. I was going to talk to them in person on day 2 for lunch. But I didn’t find them. I was going to talk to them after the service later that night. But they were leaving almost immediately after but I had the chance. P. Billy was right there and I didn’t take it. I could’ve looked harder for P. Billy and P. Daisy during lunch but I just gave up and prayed instead. I saw them both on Sunday and didn’t say anything. I could’ve made more of an effort to go to church last Sunday but I didn’t because I was afraid of feeling like an outsider again and not having the guts to tell them. I’ve had every single day as an opportunity to even Facebook message them so I haven’t. I don’t want to write a letter because there’s too much to say bc I’m honestly afraid there won’t be enough. I’m writing a letter because I don’t have the guts to say it in person. Because as much as I appreciate their bluntness, I know who I am and how I am and how much some of my habits annoy them and it just makes me feel like they’re just going to judge me if I’m honest. But the bottom line is that they really have changed my life in more ways than one and I was always excited to come back, just to hear their sermons. I don’t fit in at Sa-Rang. And I don’t know that I ever truly did. But they were always worth it. The service was always worth it. Because it was a time where I could really intimately come before God and it was okay. And that’s something that I am constantly longing for while in Chicago.

I wanted to talk to Jeanne about this but I was doing some thinking in the shower and she hasn’t responded yet. I’m going to help plan the lock-in and it looks like I don’t actually have a whole lot to do. I’m not tasked with doing the theme or organizing teams or anything like that. That seems to already be figured out. I’m just gonna be assigned to a certain job when we meet tomorrow and go from there. I’m just afraid that I’ll fall nicely into the shoes of serving and leading and the transition in becoming an “official leader” will come naturally and I’m not sure that’s what I want bc of how busy my schedule will be next year. That’s a huge time commitment that I don’t know if I’m ready to sign up for. But I imagined P. Josh asking if that’s what God wants for me and I replied that I had prayed about it and knew that I wanted to really invest into people this year but not necessarily as a leader. And I have a feeling that P. Josh knows and sees my heart to serve and wants to me to be a leader and I just don’t know if I’m spiritually ready for that. I’m definitely not ready to go back out onto the mission field again and spend every moment caring for someone else. And don’t get me wrong, it’s great out there. It really is. Guatemala changed my life. Always and forever. I was so happy. And I don’t think I’m in that state of mind anymore where I just care so much for other people that I don’t even have time to think about myself. For so long I spent my life helping others as a way to avoid facing my own problems. But it’s time that I do face my own issues head on and make active efforts toward fixing them.

I am afraid. Because my relationship with God has been rocky lately. And I really want to go back to Chicago bc during my time here, I’ve fallen victim to a lot more gossip just based off the people that I hang around. And I don’t want to put anyone down anymore. It sucked when I dealt with it in high school and no one deserves to feel so hated for something that they can’t control. My life has become a cycle of wanting so badly to go back to Chicago and wanting so badly to go back to OC. And it might be time to settle and choose where I would rather be. Instead of just trying to get away from my problems and suffering all the time. I need to fix this. And I know that this is so much easier said than done and I don’t really feel this as a resolve yet but this is something that I actually really want to do. 

And finally, onto yesterday. I... spent it pretty similarly to how I wasted it today. I woke up several times but refused to get out of my bed, even when the cleaning people came. I kept coming up with excuses to just be lazy in my mind instead of just doing it. Oh yeah, I actually got out of bed at 7am this morning and had every opportunity to actually follow through and do the damn dishes but I didn’t. Thinking that I’ll just do it later instead of just freaking doing it. But towards the end of the day, Andrew said that he would be going over to David’s to help him with his music and invited me to join. And I am really happy that the three of us got to spend time together again. Just the three of us. It was nice. And I was happy to help David with his music. Whether it was by being blunt or helping design or help figure out photoshop or titling the songs... it was nice. And I’m happy that I got to spend that time with them. It was actually pretty encouraging whenever David complimented my bluntness bc I do think it’s something I’m a bit insecure about. Ironically. I just wish I had been more upfront about where we should eat. I am happy that we ended up going to Mae’s Cafe and dining together and getting to spend more time together but there was the chance that we wouldn’t have and didn’t say anything against it. I just want another long car ride with them. A night out. Where we just talk about anything and everything as the road takes us wherever. And yes, it was awkward before. But I trusted them. And it was free. But idk, maybe it’s because we’re actually doing things now and this break is a lot shorter than summer but... I miss that. But y’know, I’m probably making it better than it seemed in my head. None of us ever just vented or broke down crying. Well, some of us vented. But it was never this, wild and emotional ride. It was just us driving mindlessly for hours. I miss that. But our dynamics are changing. I asked Andrew if he thought we would still be friends after college and he said he was afraid I was thinking of dropping him when I asked that which I really wasn’t! And I didn’t tell him this but he was very much occupied with Emily when they first got together and we rarely talked and it wasn’t weird. It just kind of happened. But I felt like I had lost a friend. And I am happy that we were able to reconnect and honestly, some of my dislike toward her is probably a result of that but I am afraid that if he starts dating someone again, we’ll just drift. And it’ll suck but it’ll happen. And he really has made my life so much better by being there for me time after time after time. And I don’t want to lose him but I also know that life has a course and you can’t keep friends forever. And it doesn’t feel like this is going to last. Jude was my absolute best friend in high school that I could literally talk to about anything—religion, God, school, family, anything. She was always there for me and she got it. But she has low self esteem and I just want the best for her and I don’t want to burden her. I truly wish for her happiness and nothing but. And I don’t want to ruin that or take that away from her. She was the single most important person in my life and still is. And I will never stop loving her. But things have changed and she got busier and we started leading different lives and that’s that. It happens. 

Finally, Grace. My dear friend Grace An. I am so glad that we are finally getting the opportunity to meet up on Friday and I’m really hoping she doesn’t back out of it because I’m really worried about her. I just have this gut feeling that she’s not okay and she’s depressed because of everything and trying so hard to do it on her own. But I am here for her and I really hope she knows that. I was so selfish when we last spoke but I want to be here for her 100% now. Really. I’m really worried about her. And she actually cares about me. She does. She gives a shit. I was so afraid that she was only reaching out to me because she pitied me but she didn’t. She actually went out of her way to compile those letters for me before I left. We spent a whole day at the Irvine Spectrum together and it was great. She is an incredibly kind person that really cares for others and wants the best for them and has an undeniably strong faith for the Lord. And yes, admittedly, I have felt some competition with her because I wanted to be better and really, be the best. But she is so genuine. And I just hope and pray that she is okay. And even if she’s not, that she knows that she has people that really love and support her. And will continue to do so, all the way through. I know she’s going through a hard time and I know that it can’t be easy. But she’s not alone. And I hope she knows that.

#reflection #frustrated

[youremyonlyhope]

Attack of the Clones

Ok first of all, why must the poster be so dramatic? It looks like a romance novel but then there’s an explosion under them. Ok I mean I guess that’s a good representation of the movie, but still.

Now, this was the first Star Wars movie I saw in theaters, if I’m remembering correctly. Or at least I think it was... I don’t remember seeing it in theatres but I’m pretty sure I did... I honestly have less memory of this movie than Phantom Menace. And, made clear from my last post, I really only remembered random bits and pieces of Phantom Menace. But my only memory of Attack of the Clones is watching it in my living room like... 13+ years ago and it was some scene where they had a fight in an arena of some sort. Padme was wearing white and had a gun. That’s the only thing I know I definitely remember from this movie.

So I’m almost basically going into this with completely fresh eyes.

Oh no, people want to leave the Republic? I don’t remember this. Also lol Count Dooku. My family has an inside joke about him, and I can’t take him seriously at all. Ok cool, the CGI has gotten better in the last 3 years. That chrome ship is gorgeous. Still hasn’t aged well though. “I guess I was wrong, there was no danger at all” *EXPLOSION* OH MY GOD. NOT EXPECTING THAT. I DON’T REMEMBER THIS. See, I knew that that wasn’t Padme, but I didn’t realize she was supposed to be a Padme decoy (since she’s not an exact clone of Natalie the way Keira is). I just thought she was another high ranking Naboo person or something. So... I’m really glad we had the decoy... I mean... poor girl... but at least Padme’s safe... The Yoda CGI hasn’t aged as well as the ship’s CGI did. “Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart.” That sentence wasn’t... “Yoda” enough... word order wise I mean. We should all listen to Padme more often. Ok. Why is Padme’s wig kinky textured with tiny braids? Is this the one time I have to complain about Padme’s wardrobe? Why must the Twi’lek senator have a robe with a low neckline and a cutout on her stomach? Obi-Wan has new hair. Well... anything’s better than the ponytail and the rattail. On that note: now Ani has the ponytail and the rattail. Why? Seriously costume designer: WHY!? Why did you do that to them? On THAT note: flustered nervous Ani is adorable. How did he go so wrong? Oh but Padme’s dress is so beautiful now that we get longer full body shots of her. “So have you. Grown more beautiful I mean.” Awww. Sweet kid. “She barely even recognized me, Jar Jar.” Dude, it’s been 10 years, and you hit puberty. She’s not supposed to recognize you right away. And she recognized you pretty quickly. And you really thought of her every day? That’s creepy. Was that Boba Fett? Also I remember the veil attached to the helmet vividly for some reason... why? I like that Ani’s already dressed in darker colors just because he’s dramatic. “I don’t think she liked me watching her.” Hey. Ani. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want the guy who’s been thinking about her everyday for 10 years to be watching her all the time on a camera when she can’t see him too. Maybe it’s because you’re a little creepy. Just maybe. ...I think I might remember these worm things... but also I might not... I feel scared so I guess that’s some feelings leftover from 6-year-old-me. You had one job, R2-D2. One job! “The Chancellor doesn’t appear to be corrupt.” Wow, you could not be more wrong with that statement. BOY. YOU JUST SWIPED YOUR LIGHTSABER AT THE WORMS ON PADME. IF SHE HAD WOKEN UP A HALF SECOND EARLIER WHEN YOU LANDED ON THE BED SHE MIGHT HAVE FLINCHED AND YOU WOULD HAVE BEHEADED HER. COME ON. This boy has a death wish diving down in the speeder like that. OH SO THIS IS THE SCENE WHERE HE JUST RANDOMLY JUMPS OUT OF THE SPEEDER. “If you’ll excuse me” THIS BOY LITERALLY WANTS TO DIE. Did... did her face just change to like... green-ish...? I rewinded and yeah her lips turned dark blue and her skin was green with... scales? Or was it just the lighting? Because... that was kind of terrifying... So she’s wearing a veil AND can change her face? That’s fun. “Use the force, think.” Ok, Ani can only do one of those things.  “Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” Ha. Ha ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA. *Sobs* Changeling? Cool. So I’m not going crazy, her face did change.

Dealer: You want to buy any death sticks? Obi-Wan: You don’t want to sell me any death sticks. Dealer: I don’t want to sell you any death sticks. Obi-Wan: You want to go home and rethink your life. Dealer: I want to go home and rethink my life.

That’s hilarious. I was just thinking “Does anyone lose any arms in this one? Someone has to eventually.” And sure enough, there goes her arm. Arm #7 I like that Yoda just floats in a chair next to them as they walk. I actually like that Jar Jar gets to be Naboo’s representative in the Senate though. Having a Gungar senator of Naboo just seems right if they live there too. AWWWWW. She has Leia-esque buns. “I’m ready for the trials, but he feels that I’m too unpredictable.” Gee. I wonder why he would think that Anakin “If-You’ll-Excuse-Me-While-I-Jump-Out-of-a-Speeder” Skywalker is unpredictable? Ok, the music that is playing. I gotta figure out which song it is later because this music is like... definitive Star Wars music for me. “Sorry m’lady.” OH GOD EW ANI I JUST CRINGED.

Padme: *Needs to travel with refugees and blend in* Padme: *Wears an intricate cloak and a giant headdress*

Perfect logic. Droid with a stereotypical waitress accent. I kinda love it. Ok seriously, the alien CGI has not aged well. The alien chef guy (Dex?) has a mustache. That is too much. “If an object does not appear in our records, it does not exist.” Ok. So does it actually not exist, or does it not exist in the records (but does in real life), or do you guys just deny its existence in general just because? Awwww... so you’re telling me that Obi-Wan kept one of those orbs all those years and trained Luke with one? And it’s just like how they used to train the children? Why do I have feels over this? “Lost a planet, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing.” I LOVE YODA. Only a Jedi can erase files? Really? OK. OK WHO PLAYS THE NEW QUEEN. BRB GONNA GO CHECK. She was in one episode of Doctor Who, Planet of the Ood. Ok cool. Anakin. Don’t interrupt Senator Amidala. Listen to her. Come on. What happened to the sweet boy from 10 years ago? THE SUPER TALL WHITE ALIEN WITH THE LONG NECK AND BIG EYES. I REMEMBER YOU. I REMEMBER YOU SO VIVIDLY. I JUST GASPED. “After all these years we were beginning to think you weren’t coming.” That’s not suspicious at all. Well. At least they’re not evil. They’re just taking orders from a mysterious evil dead Jedi. AHHHH ONE OF MY FAVE PADME OUTFITS!  Ok the sand line isn’t as stupid out of context, I’ll give them that. Still gonna make fun of it though. Creepily touching her back. The dress may expose her back skin, but that’s not an invitation to touch it, Ani. So many clone babies. I think I remember this. “Oh... we... keep him here.” YEAH. TOTALLY NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL. Clone trooper reveal! This is a not a drill people! We just saw the clones in clone trooper armor! Oh, how I wish I could go back and be able to witness audience reactions to that shot. Ok. Ok. Yeah. That shot of all of them. In lines. In formation. I whispered “Oh my god” and covered my mouth just then. So did he want a clone of himself so he could be a father? Or was there some other reason... Another one of my fave Padme outfits! With Leia buns! “I like 2 or 3.” So, just Padme and Palpatine you mean.  “Sounds to me like a dictatorship.” “Well... if it works.” And here’s where Padme should have just run away screaming and never looked back. I thought those aliens were boulders until Ani rode one. Ok, it was so he could be a father to the clone. Cool. Kinda cute. Hmm... suspicious. I kinda hate that you can see the pear is clearly CGI for this entire scene. “I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me.” Ok. That’s a name of a song in Ani: the Musical isn’t it? I need to rewatch Ani: the Musical once I finish rewatching all the Star Wars movies. Because even though I understood Ani: the Musical enough to find it hilarious and genius, apparently it was even more genius than I thought and a lot of stuff went over my head. But of course, it’s StarKid, they’re always geniuses, so I shouldn’t be surprised. “You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do” Yeah. That’s for sure, Mr. Jump-Out-of-A-Moving-Speeder. BINARY SUNSET IS PLAYING AGAIN. GOD WHY DOES THAT SONG GIVE ME ALL THE FEELS. Also I took a moment to listen to Leia’s theme on YouTube, just to refresh my memory to keep an eye out for it, and through suggested videos I figured out that the music I keep hearing and saying defines Star Wars for me is Anakin and Padme’s Theme/Across the Stars. Obvious name. I should have guessed it. Anyway, yeah, that music is Star Wars to me. So even though I remember very little of this movie, this music definitely made an impact. DID... DID... HE JUST SAY “BOBA GET ON BOARD”???????? DID THEY SAY THE KID’S NAME WAS BOBA EARLIER? DID I MISS THAT? IT TOOK A SECOND IT WAS LIKE JANGO: “BOBA GET ON BOARD” ME: *3...2...1...* *GASP!!!!!* OH MY GOD. I REMEMBER LITERALLY NONE OF THIS. See, I had wondered about the Fett last name when it was mentioned earlier, but I literally was like “Jango Fett? Huh, I guess all bounty hunters just choose Fett as their last name lol what a funny coincidence” BUT NO. IT’S A FAMILY NAME. WOW. I AM STUPID. “Oh, not good.” There always needs to be an understatement of the movie. Last time it was Ani saying “This is tense!” and so far this time it’s this Obi-Wan line. I mean, yeah, it’s totally possible for Jango Fett to climb up a smooth curved metal surface with metal gloves in the rain. Totally possible. I mean yeah, a gold chariot while wearing a giant silver leopard (or snake?) print cloak isn’t gonna draw attention at all. FINALLY C-3PO. OWEN LARS. OWEN. AS IN UNCLE OWEN. FINALLY. You know, I always wondered just how Owen was Luke’s uncle if Ani didn’t have any siblings. But because it’d been so long since I saw this movie, I couldn’t remember. Ok but honestly, I should have realized we were gonna see Uncle Owen the moment what’s-his-face-Ani’s-old-owner (I refuse to learn his name) said “A moisture farmer”. Literally I thought to myself “Moisture farmer? Wow! That’s just like Luke’s uncle!” like wow I am slow today at catching on to this stuff. I might pause soon and go to bed since it’s almost 3am and obviously, my brain cannot function properly right now since usually I catch on to more of these little hints and stuff. On that note, the actor playing young Owen is kind of spot-on. “After I lost my leg” Have I been counting legs? Well, now I will. Leg #1. More Leia buns. More Binary Sunset! OK wait. If there are 2 suns, should they all have 2 shadows? I googled it, but it’s officially way too late at night for me to try to understand astronomy so I’ll try again in the morning to understand the explanations. Apparently the answer might be no. Oh fun, all the evil people coming together to build a huge army. Ok wait. Does Ani like... slaughter all the people who tortured his mom? Do I remember that correctly? Yeah that’s a yes. Beheading everyone. Great. I don’t blame him, but boy, this is how you end up succumbing to the dark side. A LITTLE HINT OF THE IMPERIAL MARCH. YES. BUT ALSO NO. “I told him to stay on Naboo” When has Ani ever listened to you though? Oh wow full on Imperial March now. Ok I’m gonna stop it here at the 1:28:10 mark for tonight because I’m sleepy. There’s a little under an hour left.

Annnnnnd it’s 11:00pm at night the next day, I gotta be up at 7:30, so this is a perfect time to finish the movie! Logic!

Ok but Padme’s in the white outfit that I know she’s wearing as she wields a gun and gets her shirt all ripped up so, obviously, Anakin’s not gonna keep them out of trouble for much longer. So... Obi-Wan is too far from the Jedi council to send the message... but Anakin is close enough.... but they’re less than a parsec away from each other. Either Lucas got lazy, or Obi-Wan was literally just barely out of range. Oh wow, Padme being reckless and unpredictable for once? And here I was thinking it was going to be Anakin’s idea to go to Obi-Wan. No wonder he loves her. And I love her loopy bun. Oh wait, so Dooku isn’t bad? I was remembering him as bad, but he’s warning Obi-Wan about there being a Sith Lord leading the Republic. (Update: He’s bad, I’m stupid and too trusting and reverting back to being 6-years-old.) “Meesa suppose that the senate give powers to the supreme chancellor.” SITH LORD JAR JAR BINKS CONFIRMED. “I love democracy. I love the Republic.” Never heard anything less sincere in my life. That looked physically painful for him to say. God I love R2 and 3PO’s relationship. Even this early on. Ahhhhhhh Binary Sunset again. Can you tell it’s my favorite piece of Star Wars music? Seriously every time I hear it I squeal. Ok this whole sequence is so CGI happy. You didn’t need to use CGI for C-3PO, you didn’t need half of this to be CGI. Practical effects would have been better. But fine, the head switching thing was funny. HIS ARM IS ENCASED IN METAL. FORESHADOWING!!!!! Oh no, not his lightsaber. Now starts the only part of the movie I actually remember. And Obi-Wan’s just like “Of course.” as they are rolled by him. “Then we decided to come and rescue you.” “...Good job.” I ADORE OBI-WAN. All of these monsters are making me NOPE on so many levels, and I know most of that fear comes from 6-year-old-Hope.

Ani: What about Padme. Obi-Wan: She seems to be on top of things. Padme: *Freeing herself and climbing up a pole*

This is why Padme was my everything when I was little. Not gonna lie, up until this part I kinda forgot that they wanted Padme dead. I had a day long break from the movie, so give me a break. So yeah... Jango Fett has a flamethrower in his wrist? That’s not fair. Is this when we see Mace’s purple lightsaber for the first time? I don’t remember seeing it before this. But obviously, I have really bad memory so who knows. And Padme in that outfit shooting a gun is something I remember vividly from childhood. I JUST GASPED SO LOUDLY JUST NOW. MACE JUST STRAIGHT UP BEHEADED JANGO. OH MY GOD. AND LITTLE BOBA WATCHED. WELL. THAT’S HIS BACKSTORY EXPLAINED. OH MY GOD. I DON’T REMEMBER THIS AT ALL. MY JAW IS STILL DROPPED AS I TYPE THIS. *R2D2 just randomly rolls into the battle and straight to C-3PO* ok sure. *Yoda comes flying in with an army of Stormtroopers* YES. EPIC. AMAZING. I LOVE YODA SO MUCH. Um.... but you left R2D2 and C-3PO behind! THIS. KID. IS. HOLDING. HIS. DAD’S. SEVERED. HEAD. NO WONDER HE’S SO MESSED UP. Dooku’s master? I don’t remember him having a master. 6-year-old-Hope literally must not have paid attention to any scenes in this movie that didn’t involve Padme. “I will take the designs with me” *Puts up hologram of the Death Star* I love love love love LOVE all the reveals though. Like, say what you will about the prequels, but the reveals of and references to stuff the original trilogy are amazing. Main Star Wars theme coming in, I hear you. Ani, you gotta learn to control your emotions dude. “We’ll take him slowly. You take him from the left–” “NO I’M TAKING HIM NOW” “NO ANAKIN NO!” I mean, is there an exchange that describes Anakin better than that? How has Obi-Wan dealt with him for 10 years? And Count Dooku can lightningbend. I don’t remember this at all. Ok ok ok. Pausing for a second to see how old Christopher Lee was in this because I know he was like super old and yet here he is having a lightsaber duel. ...DUDE WAS 80 WHEN THE MOVIE CAME OUT. THIS. DUDE. WAS. 80. AND JUMPING AND DOING ALL THESE TRICKS AND STUFF. DUDE. DUDE. AMAZING. (If it was a stunt double I’m gonna feel real stupid) Aww for a second I thought he cut off Obi-Wan’s arm. I’m almost disappointed. I wanted to count another severed arm. Anakin’s weilding 2 lightsabers. I don’t remember this. But that is epic. NOW there goes another arm! Oh poor Ani. Arm #8. I’m gonna admit it. I’m not ashamed. Once I heard Yoda’s signature grumbling I gasped and went “Ah! Yoda!” out loud because I had completely forgotten about him dueling Count Dooku until just now. I DIDN’T KNOW YODA COULD LIGHTNINGBEND TOO! OR I GUESS IN THIS CASE REDIRECT LIGHTNING! YODA IS AMAZING. OH. HE JUST ABSORBED IT ALL. ZUKO COULDN’T DO THAT. WOW. PRINCE ZUKO, TAKE NOTES. I feel like the animator had the best day of his life animating Yoda in this duel since Yoda is being so extra. “Fought well, you have, my old padawan.” DOOKU WAS HIS PADAWAN? AND QUI-GON WAS DOOKU’S. AND OBI-WAN WAS QUI-GON’S. AND ANAKIN WAS OBI-WAN’S. SO ANAKIN IS YODA’S GREAT-GREAT-GRAND-PADAWAN. WOW. AND I GUESS LUKE IS ALSO? Dooku, that’s cheating. Ok what is this, some type of sail boat space ship? There’s no wind in space, what is the point of these molten metal sail things on Dooku’s ship then? Ooooh... first reveal that this Darth Sidious is the Emperor from the original series. And it kinda partially reveals that it’s Palpatine. And yeah up until this point I forgot that Dooku’s master was Sidious. Dooku telling Obi-Wan about Sidious really threw me off. Because as you can see earlier in the post, I was like “Ok but he’s telling them about the Sith Lord so is he really that bad?” and nope it was just reverse psychology or something and I really fell for it. The Imperial March playing as we see all the clones, I just went “ahhhhhhh” out loud, dropped my crocheting (because of course I’m crocheting while watching this, I’m always crocheting), and raised my arms up. Oh my god. And the music getting more intense as we look at Palpatine and the Senators! Yes! YES YES YES! Guys. I am not gonna lie. That whole sequence of “The Clone Wars have begun” and showing them with the Imperial March just made me get really really excited. Oh my god. Chills. I am jumping in my seat. I am flailing my arms. Oh my god. Aaaaaand Anakin and Padme are getting married. I literally just said “Uh oh” out loud. Ok also, how did R2D2 and C3PO get back? OK but her wedding dress is gorgeous. I just went “Ahhh” and cringed at Anakin’s metal hand. It’s so creepy. I do love Anakin and Padme’s Theme so much though.

Well. I enjoyed that. Yeah, I got sleepy about an hour and a half in, but it was 3am and I knew that since I tend to pause every 2 seconds to put something into this post, I wouldn’t finish the last hour of the movie until at least 5am (it’s 1am right now, I started watching the last hour at about 11pm, so yeah about 2 hours to watch the hour). So yeah. But I enjoyed it.

Why do people hate the prequels so much? Am I biased because they’re what I saw when I was little? Because obviously, I remembered NONE of this movie except for the big fight scene and Padme’s outfits. Literally nothing else. But I still enjoyed it. I wish the dialogue was better, if they could redo the prequels with better dialogue and better directing, they’d be amazing. But even with the bad dialogue and directing you still just feel happiness, like you’re at home, because this is still Star Wars. And you still love the universe and the story. So yeah. I liked it.

#hope rewatches star wars #ignore me if you want #i started this post on saturday night. finished watching sunday night. and edited it on tuesday so now i'm posting it