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earthbaby-angelboy · 5 months

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caramel macchiatos, croissants with nutella, and an angel with sideburns: the musings of a grown child whose trying.

theres a stilling comfort in knowing that i’m awake when everyone else is asleep, being left with an amalgamation of ghosts from past, present and future; it’s like mist dissipating over a lake.

one breath, and it’s all gone.

my head feels fuzzy, and my body hurts. i’m fighting sleep off like a priest fighting demons. the reality of my situation hits me, and panic ensues two or three times; it’s like i’m 7 all over again. except now, there’s something different…

there’s an angel with black hair and sideburns whose wings are covered in multicolored diamonds.

and while i feel like i’m back in the house and like you can hear the screams echoing off the foyer walls, something is different.

this time, i’m sitting in his lap and we’re backed into a corner. my head is leaning against his chest, my arms crossed over my front in lieu of a shield, and loud whine or quiet hum (i can’t tell which is which) is coming from the back of my throat.

our hearts are beating together in rythm, even though his stopped 47 years ago.

for a second, i feel embarrassed for even writing this; it quickly diminishes, though, because i am just a small child having emotions bigger than my own body.

i realize that he’s not here (nor was there) to fight the screams off, or tell them to stop fighting.

he doesn’t care about that, he’s here to help me survive.

it dawns on me now that the universe is recreating a scene from that damned year, but it’s playing out in a way completely unexpected…

cause i’m not 7.

i’m almost 17, but i’m still just as small.

difference is that now, i’m not powerless against the screaming, and i’m not filled with fear.

instead of trying to fix everyone else’s problems, i’m worried about regulating my own.

for moments more slight as forever, he cuts through the cymbals crashing in my brain and i can hear him saying something.

his tone isn’t angry, demeaning, accusatory or mocking, like all the voices i had become accustomed to hearing but banished out to hell.

it’s bizarrely gentle and kind and parental and romantic, all wrapped up into one.

i’m in the present now.

everything has changed, yet nothing at all.

it all happened so fast, and i take a moment to pity myself.

the angel is dead, survived by books and records and the creation of others.

as i’m writing this, i now realize he was dead way back when too. if now, he seems more alive than ever.

but it wasn’t really ‘way back when’, was it?

i see glimpses of his face everywhere i turn now, for nothing more than a few seconds.

sometimes it’s 2:22, or the rainbow made by the moon, or audubon drive popping up on google at 10:34 in the morning.

those few seconds give me enough hope to walk through a dark valley that just keeps getting steeper.

i’ve come to realize the angel that is (and was) with me was NOT the one they claimed to know.

if i try hard enough, he can remain untouched.

it seems that my generation is not rewriting, but retelling the story, his story, all while creating an intense reflection of the comfort so very many of us were denied.

call it inaccurate as you please, we are taking something that was far beyond its time, and applying it to ours.

and i wonder for more than a minute if there was a reason he behaved the way he did.

was there a reason for all the peculiarities other than an eccentric-erratic personality? or is it more like “it takes one to know one?”

because even in our year, i’ve never seen someone in his position behave the way he did: so loving and kind and brutal and rough and erratic…

and terribly brilliant.

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singsfromthesoul · 7 years

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I Must Stop Time traveling

My CSSV gift for @ahsagitarius! Okay so how do I explain this? The idea is the same I had hinted (CS child comes from future to fix shit) but the format is different because I’m insane and I had a ‘brilliant’ idea.They are a set of drabbles following a storyline based on a playlist. Does this make any sense? I will organize it into one cleaner post later but, for the time being, enjoy!

[FULL PLAYLIST]

1. Summer (Imagine Dragons)

Things will change with time

Only in summertime

The day was a hot and sticky one. The heat seemed to waft through the old house like a wave. Elinor Jones was tired of lying on her bed, waiting for the sun to go down. Once it did, it would be much cooler.

Her father had gone out, her mother was most likely downstairs working on something. Elinor never knew what exactly. Her mother had her day job and then she had work. She could never be sure what. Her mother never shared.

Elinor wandered down the stairs. Her mother was on the phone, arguing with somebody. The sunlight streamed into the room, making her mother’s already blonde hair look like spun gold.

“Well don’t ask me! I’m not the one with the potion” she heard her say with finality before hanging up the phone.

Elinor was sure she’d misheard.

This was her mom’s work. Cryptic phone calls and endless turning the pages of dusty old books.

Elinor walked into the kitchen. Her mom looked up from a stack of papers. “Hey, kid. You want some lemonade?”

She nodded. Her mother moved to the refrigerator. “This heat is really something, isn’t it?”

Elinor snorted. “Understatement of the century.”

Her mother handed her the glass. “Technically not a lie though” she said, taking a seat.

“I suppose.” She took a sip from the cool lemonade. “Hey mom, I want to ask you something.”

“Sure thing, kid. Just hang on a moment while I get my phone. I need to make a call later.” She stood. “Be right back.”

Elinor listened to her mother’s steps recede into the living room. Outside of the kitchen window, the sky grew dark, as if a storm were rolling in. Suddenly, the wind picked up. She heard a car door outside.

“Emma?” Her father’s voice.

“In here!” she heard her mother call.

The front door opened and closed. A conversation held in whispers. Elinor only caught snippets of things like “do you think they found us?” and “protection spell”. A gust of wind blew into the house, shattering the kitchen window. Elinor yelped and fell back in surprise.

“Killian!” she heard her mother yell. The wind was a full-on gale now.

With difficulty, Elinor got to her feet. She walked to the living room, hanging onto the as she went. The wind threatened to knock her off her feet.

“Mom?!” Elinor’s dark hair whipped around her face, blocking her view.

“You have to go back, Elinor!” cried her mother. “You have to stop it before it can begin!”

The wind howled as it tore through their family home. “Stop what? How?!”

Her mother clung to the doorframe with all her might, trying to stop the wind from dragging her away. “Find us. Your father and I. You have to go back and save us!”

Then her grip loosened and she fell into the dark swirling vortex in their front yard.

2. My Tears Are Becoming A Sea (M83) I'm slowly drifting to you The stars and planets are calling me A billion years away From you I'm on my way

As she tumbled through time, Elinor felt weightless. If someone, at any point in her life, had asked her to describe what falling through a time portal would feel like she couldn’t have said. The emptiness of it was surprising. Just before jumping in, she had imagined it would be slower. More like floating than falling. But she was falling. Her clothes flapped around her frame. It was dark. Elinor realized she was probably screaming. It wouldn’t be for nothing, though. She had a mission to complete. She had to save her parents.

3. Mercury (Sleeping At Last)

Rows of houses Sound asleep Only street lights Notice me

I am desperate If nothing else In a holding pattern To find myself

The streets were quiet. It was early morning. Though she had never been here, it was clear. This was Storybrooke. She had seen the town in a few pictures her parents kept. Pictures with people that Elinor had never met. She again wondered what had driven her parents to leave this place. Storybrooke looked quaint, sleepy, even. The perfect place to start a family. Surely, this place was the source of the secrecy? The reason for hushed conversations and secrets her parents kept haad to be hiding somewhere among the weather-beaten buildings and fog. Elinor was sure it was the reason her parents had been taken by whatever that thing had been. Where could she even start her search though? Elinor sighed. She clearly hadn’t thought this through. She had only followed the instructions in some of her mother’s dusty old books. Not really aware of what she had been doing, she had ended up here. She didn’t even have a way home, not really. If she couldn’t find her parents, Elinor would be stuck here. She would be trapped, with the knowledge that she had failed. Her parents would be gone forever.

4. Believe (Mumford and Sons) Well I don't even know if I believe I don't even know if I wanna believe Anything you're trying to say to me

Emma felt like she had been sucker-punched. She had a daughter. She had a daughter and she looked so much like him. Were it not for her eyes, she would be the spitting image of Killian. She claimed to come from the future, their future. Emma married Killian, they had a child and if, she was to be believed, it all went to hell. Something was going to happen that would make them move away from Storybrooke. Something would happen that would make Emma hide who she was to her own daughter. Something would happen to Killian and her that would cause them to leave their daughter alone in the world. Emma wanted to dismiss the claim, say it wasn’t true. But if there was even the smallest possibility that it was true, she had to do everything in her power to stop it. Elinor looked so much like Killian. But she saw something else in there too, a nervous sort of energy, a quiet fire behind her eyes. It was a look Emma saw whenever she looked in the mirror. She had to change the future, destiny be damned.

5. Silhouettes (Of Monsters And Men) There's nothing that I'd take back, But it's hard to say there's nothing I regret.

What if they were dead? A dark thought, but it was one that she had to consider. Elinor sat on the bed that had been prepared for her in Emma’s house. It was so alike the house she had grown up in that she wondered how much her parents had had actually left behind here and how much they had unknowingly taken with them when they had left Storybrooke. Had they chosen the house purposely or because it felt like home? The moonlight streamed in through the window. Elinor couldn’t sleep. ‘What if?’ The question repeated itself over and over in her head. What if her mother hadn’t gone into the living room to retrieve her phone? What if her father hadn’t come home at that prescice moment? What if they had all been out elsewhere? Elinor lay awake thinking of all the variables. Would removing one or adding one have changed anything? Very likely not. If whatever had taken her parents was magical, which she highly suspected it was, it would have found them sooner or later. How she wished to not be involved with this mess at all. Maybe that was exactly what her parents had wanted, for Elinor to grow far away from all of this. She had felt angry at them earlier, for concealing so much from her. Did they think she couldn’t handle it? Now, though? Elinor wasn’t angry anymore. In fact, she was starting to agree with them. She had to find them, so she could know the truth.

6. Compass (Zella Day) Compass points you home, Calling out from the east Compass points you anywhere Closer to me

It turned out to be that the necklace was the answer. Her mother’s old necklace worked like a sort of compass. Years ago, when her parents had given her the swan necklace, her mother had said “So you can always find us.” Elinor had dismissed her words as no more than a mother’s sappy dedication. It had been poetic nonsense to her up until the moment when the necklace had begun to hum slightly. Depending on where went, the disk hum was stronger or weaker. Thanks to it, they had been able to find clues of a sort. They had been able to piece together what had happened. Elinor was close to knowing how to save them. “So you can always find us.” She closed her fist around the pendant of the necklace. “I’m coming, I promise” she whispered.

7. Wish That You Were Here (Florence + The Machine) And I never minded being on my own Then something broke in me and I wanted to go home To be where you are But even closer to you, you seem so very far

It had been too long. Exactly how long, she wasn’t sure. Elinor was tired, frustrated and she wanted to go home. Every spell or solution they tried felt like taking one step forward and two steps back. How long had it been since her parents had disappeared? One week, two weeks. She was tired of waiting. Every hour without results increased her despair. Time was wasting.

8. The Call (Regina Spektor) Let your memories grow stronger and stronger 'Til they're before your eyes

“I can’t do it!” cried Elinor. The wind was blowing and she stood at the edge of a portal once more. She had never felt as unsure of herself as she did then. “You have to!” yelled Emma. “It’s the only way! You have to think of home, Elinor. That’s the only way to get back!” “I can’t!” she was on the verge of tears. “I don’t know the first thing about magic!” Emma grabbed Elinor’s shoulders so they were face to face. “Someone once told me that home is the place that, when you leave, you just miss it. Do you miss your home, Elinor?” The younger girl nodded. “Good, focus on that. Magic is emotion. Think about what you miss until it hurts. Think of your life. Think of memories. Think of Killian and I.” Elinor faced the portal once more. It was already starting to shrink. She thought of home. She thought of when she had learned to ride a bike and her parents had been waiting for her at the end of the road. She thought of movie nights with her mother and sailing in her father’s boat. She thought of when her older brother Henry would come to visit the house. She thought of birthday parties and bedtime stories. When the ache of her longing became too strong, Elinor jumped. Once more she tumbled through the darkness, echoes of memories whizzing past her. Elinor landed in a heap at the foot of the stairs in her house. Her mother and father stood over her, eyes shining with pride.

#CSSV #ahsagittarius #I CAN'T FIND THE 'READ MORE' BUTTON I'M SORRY #TUMBLR IS BEING WONKY BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

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