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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #307

“you lie so much, you believe yourself”

How long has it been since you kissed someone? Like, two years or so. What level are you on Farmville? Never played it. What are you looking forward to in the next year? I hope Covid just withers away, dammit. I truly, truly hope this vaccine is effective. And that people start wearing their GODDAMN masks. Do you use a lot of emoticons? Not really nowadays. Would you ever climb a mountain? No. Even if my legs were capable of handling that, I'd be too afraid of an avalanche. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face’s eyes? Colons. When was the last time you swam in a lake? A looooong time ago. If you could have anything right now, what would you want? It'd be great to chill at Sara's house honestly, I miss that. What’s your relationship status? Single and I think finally starting to truly accept I need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date myself in my current position, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to. When was the last time someone asked you your age? On my birthday when I mentioned in group therapy that I was trying to make it an especially good day about myself. When was the last time you danced? Very, very poorly with Sara years ago lmao. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? Someone snatched my arm and yanked me down to look her in the eyes in HS because she was a jealous bitch back then telling lies, but idk if her intention was to actually try to start a physical fight. Are you avoiding someone? No. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What do you have pierced? Just my ears and bottom lip now. :/ I want morrrreeee. I'm forever tilted that so many of my piercings closed when I was hospitalized. What is your favorite dog breed? I find pugs to be very cute, but I do not support their breeding whatsoever so would never buy one. Besides them, I have a definite bias towards beagles. In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Fucking Christ, giant squids. Terrifying. Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. There are way, way, WAY too many people on this planet for that. What natural disaster scares you the most? Tornados. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? Define an "outrageous" career... but I can't visualize myself doing anything very unordinary. In what way would you want to help change the world? I truly hope I can make some considerable amount of contributions to natural conservation and animal education. When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? I don't drive, but I know I would, considering I can't concentrate on driving if the radio is on anyway. What do you think of when you look at the stars? How little I and my problems really are. It gives me perspective. If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Well, Biden just got into office, so I can't really say yet. We'll see what he does. What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Uh. I'unno. Maybe Snow White because animals? haha Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest. Do you look into people’s eyes when you talk to them? I try to, anyway, but I tend to find it very uncomfortable, and I never know if I'm offering too little or too much. So I have trouble maintaining it, especially with people I don't know. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Trust. What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Hm, that's a deep one. Perhaps the understanding that you are just as important as the next person and that we should work as one to make this one life that we know of worthwhile. Make the world better than when you entered it. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel blue. I just like pastels in general. When's the last time you bought something just because? I don't buy things "just because." If I actually have money to spend, I use it with motivation behind it. What Ozzy lyric describes you best? WHOA NOW HUNNY you are asking the WRONG person because I can just about name his entire discography so there are waaaay too many song lyrics to dig through and pick one for myself. Probably something from "Dreamer," after a short moment's consideration. When was the last time you went for a walk without a specific destination in mind? Not since Sara and I walked down the path near her house. We didn't plan on when we would turn around to go back. Do you daydream? Only all the time. What was your last daydream about? Ha, thanks to that other question, visiting Sara again. It'd be nice, but yeah, financial limitations and corona. Ever won the lottery? Bitch I wish. What was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? Ugh... I'd say putting all my self-worth, happiness, and source of peace into one person was pretty big but also fucking stupid. What is love really about? Don't ask a romantic this and expect a non-essay, haha. But to keep it as short as possible, it's about mutual care, the desire to grow together, trust, openness, the peace to be vulnerable with the other... It's about a lot. It's such a deep, beautiful feeling. What's the most you ever made in a year? lol Do you have an online diary? Only through surveys, really. What's the biggest pot you've won in poker? I haven't played poker since I was a kiddo, so idr. What Metallica lyric most describes your life? Who wrote this and knows my favorite bands????? Like damn. There's a good handful of the sadder songs I relate to; I did some brief digging through ones I know I relate to, and perhaps the one I feel closest is within "The Unforgiven II": "The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true. If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you." Aaaand now I'm gonna go binge Metallica 'cuz it's been too long, thanks. How many concerts have you been to? Just one. :/ Which one was your favorite? I've only seen Alice Cooper, and it was great. What's the most illegal thing you've done? Pirated stuff, oops. Ever get busted by the cops? What for? No. How many pairs of rollerblades do/did you own? I doubt I have any anymore. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? Ahaha... There is some scratching on my mom's copy of Ozzmosis thanks to me playing it so much on my old CD player. Ever have a tornado in your town? Well my city is pretty damn big, so yes, in some spots. I don't think my immediate proximity has ever seen one, though. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I would absolutely need something motivating if that was the case, so most likely "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. That song touches me so deeply and gives me the courage to do what I can to tackle life and try not to waste it. I know, I'm doing a great job at that. Ever heard of Shinedown? Hell yeah; I was actually listening to them in the car earlier. What does your lawn furniture consist of? We have nothing out there. Ever live off of canned soup and ramen noodles for weeks at a time? Er, no. But when I got my tongue pierced, I had to survive off of popsicles and... I somehow forgot the main thing I ate???? How?????? But anyway it was something that didn't involve much or any chewing, either. I actually lost a little bit of weight in that week or so because eating solids was impossible, and I didn't enjoy "eating" liquids either. That piercing (snake eyes, btw) was soooo so cute tho. I really wish it hadn't started to damage my teeth, or else I'd still have it. What musical group/artist do you love, but hide from other people? I used to be kinda embarrassed by artists like Melanie Martinez when you compare her music to my adoration of metal, but at my age now, I don't give a damn. I like what I like and won't hide it. What is the first meal you remember eating? ... Does anyone actually remember this??? What's in your keepsake box/scrapbook? Good God, a lot. I haven't looked in it in a very, very long time though. It brings a usually painful nostalgia. What did you score on your SATs? I don't even remember if I took them. I THINK I took the ACT instead? I don't even know the difference. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hm. Been a while. It's not like I'm out of the house a lot, especially nowadays with quarantine. What colors is your lava lamp? I wish I had a lava lamp, they're rad and really relaxing. What's the strangest thing you've ever hung on the wall? Nothing, really. Can you name every place you've ever had sex? I mean I can but I'm not going to. What's the most important thing you ever lost and never found again? My favorite childhood cat Charcoal. He was an outdoor and intact male, so it was very normal for him to eventually vanish to rove. Please keep your cats indoors. What forms of birth control have you used? The pill and, uh, having "barriers." How many webpages have you created, and can you still find them all? I made Wetpaint sites for my two RP mobs back in the day, but the site has since been completely revised, so no, they don't exist anymore. I checked outta curiosity I think last year. How many people are in your family portrait? We don't even have a proper family portrait. Ever punched a wall? No. When's the last time you really lost your temper? In some argument with Mom I don't remember. Ever thought you (or a girlfriend) were pregnant, but it was a false alarm? I had massive anxiety over it once, but it was irrational and even I knew that. Not that anxiety cares. If 97 is yes, were you glad or sad? I was very glad when my period came lmao. What was the last conversation you had with someone before they died? When I saw my grandma for the last time, I just let her know that I loved her and that she was so, so strong, and she was. No one could believe how long she warded death off when she finally stopped chemo. What do your drinking glasses look like? We have some more unique cups and mugs, but the majority of them are just plain, slightly angular glasses, some short, some tall. How many bottles/containers are in your medicine cabinet? Oh wow, a lot. We're covered for most potential problems. How many funerals have you been to? Uhhh I think one. Maybe even none, just wakes. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant, I think? I just used my fingers. How many computers in your household? There are three laptops, but no desktop computers. Ever help to solve a crime? There was one occasion years ago when our neighbor's window was busted overnight and cops came to us to ask for any evidence we might have had, but we didn't have any. Idk what came of it. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? I've never been pulled over. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? I think it was a margarita, but possibly a daquiri. Ever get published by one of those poetry groups? I fucking wish. I've tried, but to no avail. What's the furthest distance you've moved? Not very far at all. Just to the neighboring town. How many friends from high school/college do you still talk to? Only a few now and then. Girt is the only one I have real conversations with, though. What's the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? Probably the laptop I have right now, but idk. I've never asked how much things they've bought me cost, it seems rude somehow. What's the most expensive thing you've bought? The upcoming revamp of my tattoo. Deposit was $100, and then it's probably going to be another $300-400. I can't afford it all myself; as my birthday gift, Mom is helping me pay for it, but I've got most of it covered thanks to Christmas and birthday money. How many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? Start to do it? Well, I was trying to run for sharp objects to do it twice, but on each occasion, someone held me back 'cuz they knew I was about to do something rash, so I didn't get very far, thankfully. The only time I fully went through with an attempt was my OD. Ever spent the night in the "loony bin?" How fucking disrespectful to call it that, but whatever. If you put all the instances together, I've been in psych hospitals for around a couple months, maybe more. What is your favorite cover song? Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence" is absolutely unbeatable. I'd just about call it a cold hard fact. What's your inspiration? Other's success stories, music, art in general, etc. What's the longest relationship you've been in? Over 3 1/2 years. Did you ever drop out of school? I dropped out of college three times, yikes. Three times is enough; even if I think I want to, I'm never going back. That is just way too much money to keep throwing down the drain, and there's clearly a pattern. Ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? I've never raised a kid period. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is and know I had one surgically removed. Pretty strange and uncomf. Song that has changed your attitude recently? None, really. What's something that you say a lot to be mean? ... Why would I try to be mean??? Who told you they loved you last? Me mum. Ever had a pet frog? Not technically, no, but as kids, my sister, neighbor, and I saved hundreds, maybe thousands of tadpole eggs from a ditch that was inevitably going to dry out. We transferred them all to a kiddie pool and let them grow naturally, hopping out and into the world whenever they were ready. I wouldn't call them "pets." Your worst enemy? IT'S NO SURPRIIIISE TO MEEEE I AAAAMMM MY OWN WORST ENEMYYYYY Do you believe in karma? No, but I wish it was a thing. What was the last hurtful thing you said to someone? I'm not sure. I certainly try to avoid doing so. Do you love someone enough you'd die for them? There's multiple people. The last song you listened to? I wasn't joking when I said I was gonna go on a Metallica spree, haha. "Of Wolf and Man" is on rn. Your most favorite memory as a kid? Too many, man. If you had the choice to work or not, would you work? Yes. I need something to do that benefits others in one way or another. Ever TRULY wanted to kill someone? I can't say for sure, if I'm being totally transparent. When I found out about Jason's gf after me, I can say with certainty I wanted her dead beyond dead, but I don't know if I wanted to kill her, per se. Just to clarify, no, I don't wish any negativity upon her now. I was certifiably insane before and certainly don't think I am anymore, so... Marvel or DC? I don't care. Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed? Both. I prefer dubbed, BUT only if the voice acting isn't insufferable. I like dubbed just because for me, it's very distracting to have to keep looking down at subtitles. How often do you exercise? I don't... I'm still waiting for Mom to move into her actual room versus the living room couch so I can do WiiFit with some privacy. I'm too uncomfortable to exercise in front of anyone. What is your favorite book series? Warriors will forever have a very special place in my heart. What is your favorite OTP? I will probably ship Rhett and Link for my entire life. Their friendship is truly incredible and so so SOOOOOOO cute. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I've never seen the series, actually.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''holier than thou'' by metallica

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snippets-n-excerpts · 6 years

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Almost a Chapter One: Narutoverse, SI, I-do-what-I-want

“What,” is stated blandly right over me as I lay flat on my back, the sky a brilliant hue this time of the day, fading from a purpled midnight to true morning blue. I take a deep breath, gather the air that was knocked out, and cough once. Much better. At least the grass is thick and soft, if wet.

“Sorry, gramps,” I rasp. “I thought you would move.”

“And I,” comes the amused baritone, “thought you would stop.” I’m suddenly airborne, large hands pulling me up until I can look the white-silver haired man in the eye properly. With my (long, long, long) braid swinging like a pendulum behind me, I know I look like some spoiled princess. “Hime-“ there it is, the assumption, “-what are you doing out so early?”

Since this is a ninja, it only makes sense to not lie. “I’m going to the Market,” which, true. “Because mama asked me to,” and not true.

Let me rephrase: I try not to lie badly.

Still, he seems to be... okay with that answer. “Why don’t I accompany the little Hime?”

I look him over. Smell the sweat, the blood, the foul stench of a stomach and intestine having been cut open—it was only a deer one time when my baby brother had been trying to learn and the smell never left my memory. Remarkably? Deer and men smell just alike when eviscerated. So, I raise a brow. He cannot have forgotten he smelled like a cheap butcher. “How about you go wash up, then come to Market? I’ll be here for some time.”

He snorts after a moment of contemplation, sitting me on my feet and wiping my back off efficiently. “Alright, Hime. I’ll go get cleaned up and meet you at Market.”

I can’t stop my smile. He’s adorable. “Use soap!”

He actually laughs and I feel my little four year old heart flutter. Dammit. I hate how... unaltered and genuinely I like people at this age. It’s confusing. And manic. No wonder most children are little skitzo maniacs who would follow a stranger home. Turning away with a red face, I carefully do not stomp to the center of the village to the massive trades good center called simply Market.

I browse for a moment, frowning at the bits of rotten food that hasn’t been taken out of the haul on the outer stalls. Such terrible manners, these sellers. Still, these ones tend to have better prices for spices.

“Ah, Hime!” The old man two stalls down leans over, waving for me to come closer. “It has been a few days! Are you well?” The old guy with false teeth and enough wrinkles to make a Pug envious is Honda-san. He keeps me in sweets and citrus, having his own grove and living his life doing this more for the human interaction than need of money. His son is getting ready to inherit, his daughter married to a well off merchant in Tea, and from what he says, a small army of great-grandchildren. He’s a sweet guy, really. And literally.

“Yes, Honda-san?” I enquire with a small smile. Tugging my nearly ankle length braid over my shoulder, I look over his counter. I am... large for a four year old. Exceptionally tall, actually, but not as tall as I could be considering who my parents are. Still, I can pass for a tall six or short seven year old. It is disconcerting looking in a mirror. And not because of my size.

“Just the person I was looking for,” he states, avoiding all gender specific pronouns. He knows a lot, even my gender, but he is also kind of crazy and likes to mess with people’s heads. Winking like the mad man he is, he heaves to drag up a massive basket of fruit is haven’t seen since becoming aware of this life. Star fruit. “I know you said something about fruit the shape of a star once! I found an old man-“ ah ha, that’s hilarious coming from him, “-who grows it. He is willing to part with a few cuttings and Hime gets something Hime wants!”

I legitimately squeal, seizing the basket and staggering back when the full weight settles in my arms. I start to trip and fall when strong arms pluck me up. The hand is large, hot, and really familiar. “It’s not even been twenty minutes!” I yelp, kicking my feet. “Put me down, please!”

I’m set gently to my feet and that same large hand comes down on my head like I’m his kid. I look up and snort. His hair is still wet and dripping into his face, the profile achingly familiar and yet different. He’s legitimately beautiful, the kind that grabs at your lungs and holds tight for the first moment every time you look at them. This is also the first time I’ve even seen him properly in this life and I already miss his son who hasn’t even been born yet.

Why hasn’t he had a kid yet? He’s obviously old enough. “Are you married?”

There’s another startled laughed, the man looking down at me even as he takes the heavy basket from my hands. He doesn’t even shift with what has to be nearly thirty pounds of exotic fruit. That asshole. “Maa maa, Hime. That is a personal question.”

Okay, yes. And, honestly? I get it. We live in an almost modernized war-state, the threat of assassination to spouses and family and friends a high stakes game that nobody wanted to trust or loose to. So, no personal questions. After all, the villages were just formed and, hey, why not celebrate with a massive war?

Frowning mullishly at my thoughts, I grab the left hand of the tall man. Shinobi. “Come on, old man, I have a lot of shopping to do before breakfast.”

“Well,” begins the man as I lead him from stall to stall, watching me sweet talk and haggle prices. I am not good at it. At all. But I’m a baby-faced child and the shopkeeps are fond of me with my often return business so the prices are usually fair and even a few take pity to give me better prices or more produce. “I would say your mother should be doing this...” I glance at him as I finish at the tomato cart, daintily tucking green tomatoes into the star fruit basket along with all my other purchases. He seems to mull something over before waiting until I tug him into a small alley, looking up expectantly. As the short alley is a nice spot to rest out of the crowd, we garner no attention. “But she isn’t in the village is she?”

Drat and damnation. Of course he could parse that. I sigh, his eyes taking their time to look me over. He might be seeing a resemblance which, okay, I can handle, but why is he so suddenly invested in me? Hello? Kid who ran into you this morning? For the first time?

“And you don’t... seem to live with a father...?”

I snort. “If the man even knows I exist, I will make you breakfast for a month,” I bargain recklessly. “I’m a battlefield baby. I was conceived and born in bloodshed, old man. And, once mother was well enough to go back, she went.”

He shifts back, something like surprise flickering over his face. “Then. Who are you living with? Your father’s family? Your mother’s?”

I could say “personal”, but this is one of the mainstay people of my every wish (and nightmare) brought to life before me. I am fond of the idiot. Which, an idiot, really. Who talks about shopping with an unknown child covered in stale viscera?

“Both,” I not-lie because I do. Technically.

The look he gives me is pretty intense. I’m not lying, but I’m not saying the whole truth. How can he tell?! Does he smell it on me? Hand on my hip, I pout at him. “What?”

He crouches, settling the basket on the ground and setting his hands on my shoulders. “Hime-chan, please,” he says firmly, softly, as if I’m one of his teammates, someone important to him as he slips a familiar honorific in there, “tell me the truth.”

I take a slow breath, looking at this man that I know and do not and sigh it out. Patting his arm, I grab my basket and start to drag it out with me. His hands don’t leave me—in fact, he hauls me close to him and stalls me in a hold even experienced shinobi would have trouble getting out of. I groan, stomping me foot. “Dammit, old man!”

He sighs in return, pressing his face to my neck even as I stiffen for a moment. When he breathes deep, his chest expands like a barrel against my shoulders. “Okay,” he begins, voice a little rough. “Okay. I have a proposition for you, Hime-chan.”

I wiggle a little, biting at the hand in reach. “No,” I hiss like an angry cat. “I don’t want to! Because you will find out and they will have expectations I cannot live up to!”

“Is that any damned reason to be damn near malnourished?!” he growled back, my frame too thin for bones underneath. I kick back futilely before sagging. Fine. Whatever.

“What do you want from me, old man?” I huff, sagging like a sack of angled sticks in his arms. He has picked me up twice already, so of course he would notice.

He sighs, plopping down on the ground and probably in something disgusting because, hello, people are filthy animals, then tugs me into his lap. “I want you to stop lying and tell me why you are severely underweight for an Akimichi.”

I let my head thunk on his shoulder. Fuck. Fine. “I’m not a full Akimichi, old man. And, honestly, they don’t seem to want a halfbreed.” Which, ahem, about eighty percent true. The hand close to my face releases its hold to tap my nose. He legitimately growls when I stay quiet for several beats. I roll my eyes. “No. I told you well enough, now let go so I can buy a shit tone of food that won’t feed me properly.”

He stands, tucks me under his arm, and then the basket under the other. Shit. He’s going to take me to the Akimichi clan head. Fuck. No, no, no, no! That will end well for exactly no one. So I struggle. Hard and sharp, and finally sigh with the knowledge that I’m going to have to do something stupid. Maybe bite the hand that carries me. Or slide out of my clothes or, ah, bribe.

What the hell does a four year old have to bribe an adult?

“Put me down, put me down, putmedown!” I snarl quietly, not wanting to bring the whole of the street down on us. Yet. “Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’tdoit!”

Shit. Fuck. Dammit. Hell.

I flop over his arm, resigned because I can’t even wiggle enough to twist, much less loosen my layers. I can’t reach anything to bite. I don’t want the word getting back about me at all. So.

“I’ll bribe you. Let me bribe you,” I beg, voice low.

The man stops for a moment, turning his head down to look at me. That is real mirth in his eyes and I like it, but not nearly enough to put up with a clan head that does not want me. “What does a brat like you have to offer me, Hime?”

Ah. Back to that. Suffix removed. “Well, I can cook. Or bake. Or steam. Or fry. I make dog friendly treats? I would like to see the other side of ten?”

He seems mildly uncomfortable with my dispirited tone, as if he’s squirming on the inside. It does not, in any way, stop him from strutting his way to the Akimichi clan holdings and right up to the clan head’s house. The Head himself is out killing people for his military dictatorship, so it is his wife that is in charge. I try very hard to avoid her.

She does not, in any way, like me.

“Maa, Akimichi-sama,” Sakumo murmurs, putting my purchases down on the porch before stepping closer to the round faced woman. “I found one of yours.”

He presents me like a puppy, swinging me up and around, hands under my arms and held out. The woman sneers as if something gross has been presented. Yeah well, I think, you’re a different kind of bitch, lady. I curl a little into myself, eyes firmly on the tatami mats and wood grain. I do not try and make eye contact with my (distant) cousins because I know I will be ignored. I am not wanted here.

I eventually lowered, tucked into his chest with one arm as his disarming smile becomes a bit more forced. “Maaa, Akimichi-hime, the little one here seems to not be getting the right food. I know the kid shops by-“

He didn’t get further as the wife of the clan head started. “That thing is not an Akimichi. Not really.” This is stated calmly, voice soft and firm and irrefutable. “What do I care? Keep it. Feed it if you must. Drown it, maybe, to save us all the extra work.”

#katlou303 #what do you think?

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