#and i hurt myself on accident

[hewosandmich]

a reference sheet of my sona since it's almost 2024 or something c:

#art #mystys art #reference sheet #hey hi henlo bonjour #i am here and ✨ queer ✨ AFSSSACAGAFFHFK #here's my finish sona that took me about 2 hours or so!!!!!! #i wanted to finish it sooner but my dumbass fell off my wheelchair (you know the ones that you sit on at a desk? those.) #and i hurt myself on accident #NOT. FUN. 😭😭😭 #anyways ye take this gay boi upon ye #reblogs are greatly appreciated!!! ♡

[b4kuch1n]

pre-holiday leave crumbs

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it #anyways. tomorrow I Travel #The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed #three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying) #goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn #anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours #until I gotta get up for car time #kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct #20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it #I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it #oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop #in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here #hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them) #also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl' #it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that #literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however #anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo #have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again #eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day

[viv-weylin]

Shilo Bathroy gouges out his eye (colorized) (4k) (fullscreen) (imax) (NOT CLICKBAIT)

AKA: what does it feel like to gouge your eye out.

#shilo bathroy #shilo bathory #jrwi #just roll with it #the suckening #i did practice some of the movements on myself (holding my index and thumb a few cms from my eye #and holding it open with my other hand to make sure it was possible. i poked my eye on accident and now it hurts...)

[jemmo]

i can’t tell you how much i usually hate these ignoring, distancing plots in shows and how much i absolutely adore everything about these 2 episodes of the eighth sense. like im not having a good time, and it’s fantastic.

bc the thing is, in all of this, i can’t see the right way to go, i can’t find the person to blame, i can’t find the way to make it better. I can’t single out a single moment or a thing someone did and say “this is why everything went wrong”. it’s just this coming together and rise and swell of things happening and people feeling things that has us ending up here and it feels beautifully and horribly organic bc we can’t find that point where it all went wrong. was it on that rooftop? was it at the beach? was it when they first met? was it when his brother died? was it when he was born into this family? there is no single point. it’s all of them and it’s none of them. there is truly nothing and no one to blame. and there are bad characters in the show, people you can hate, eunji and taehyung, but neither of them are to blame for any of the bad stuff that happens in the show. you’re not waiting for them to be taken down bc that doesn’t solve anything. instead, it’s just two people hurting, and not knowing how to make it better.

bc you take jaewon, and after what he says at the end of ep 8, you want to hate him, you want to be so angry at him for what he says, for how he acts, how dismissive and hurtful he is, and yet you’ve been made to understand 100% why, and not just in a “i get it but that wasn’t the right thing to do” way, in a “that was horrible and yet i know he doesn’t see any other way to handle this” way. like you don’t see this as a misstep, or a step to far, bc you know for him, in his state of mind, it is completely justified, it’s necessary. bc it not only punishes the person he blames for all of this, himself, but he sees it as a way to protect jihyun. and not even in a cliche “bad things happen when people around me, the people I love always get hurt” kinda way, but more so in that he sees that he is a scared, messy, struggling person that doesn’t know how to handle himself, and doesn’t want to inflict that on anyone, let alone the person he cares about. so what’s worse, a quick, swift blow that hurts but cuts everything off cleanly, or this prolonged relationship where he inevitably continues to weigh jihyun down with the weight of his trauma, and take it out on him. what’s the point of having a place of refuge when you ruin it more and more every time you depend on it, until it eventually can’t offer you comfort. it’s a lesser of two evils, jaewon’s choice is obvious to him.

but then you take jihyun. and we talk about masks and fronts but we never once question whether jihyun wears a mask bc he appears so sweet and innocent and naive, what can this boy possibly be putting up a front for. but i see it, this almost fake it till you make it confidence front that yes is becoming more natural. but my god just think about what he’s gone through for a second. think about it. left home for the first time in his life, moved to an unfamiliar and intimidating city with only one other person he knows, started a new job, started university, tried to build relationships, met a man that intrigues him, and perused him only to be kissed and then ignored, then maybe establish something tentative, only to then see him spiral, go on a trip where he shared his trauma, you have an intimate night together only to almost die, and then be not only ignored, but plain and simple rejected and pushed away. like… you can say all you want about jihyun growing as a person and having more courage, but no amount of growth for however many months this has been going on for can prepare you for that. for the mixed messages on steroids. for the back and forth, not knowing. to give yourself to someone like that and go through something traumatic and then be abandoned by that person. we get it, bc we see all of jaewon’s story. but apart from what jaewon shared at the beach, jihyun doesn’t know any more than that. he doesn’t know about therapy, about how his father acts towards him, about the extent of his trauma and how it manifests and affects his mental health, and how he is struggling every single day. and you can’t expect him to know the depths of that no matter how empathetic and connected he is, how much he cares about jaewon, he can’t be superhuman. and so you get why he pushes and fights for jaewon. like… he is in love. it’s clear. he’s fallen in love with him. he is this wide-eyed, open kid that fell in love with a senior. and jaewon has just messed with his head, he’s never been clear, and you can’t expect jihyun to just get past that bc he knows something is up with jaewon. he can’t know the full story, but even if he did, that can’t be a reason or a justification to be treated the way jaewon treats him. bc we’re all about jaewon putting himself first and doing what he wants and respecting himself like that, but jihyun deserves that too. and it’s such a fine line to tread when you know someone is going through something, bc again you understand why, but you’re still the one being treated that way. like we talk about jaewon’s trauma, but here jihyun was part of it, he went through that traumatic experience. he’s the one that nearly lost his life. and yes, he appears to handle it well, and no matter to what extent that’s true or not, you can’t not look at jaewon struggling and understand it and then not look at jihyun with that same understanding. it’s not about comparing trauma and pain and deciding who is suffering more, it’s seeing that there are two people in this, and they’ve both been affected, so we should give them the same level of understanding.

and that’s something jaewon has to see. that his self-preservation is selfish. that his destructive behavior doesn’t just affect jihyun, instead it feels pointed and directed, bc every way jaewon hurts himself hurts jihyun. and it comes bc jihyun was so much of what was good about jaewon’s life for a second, so attacking that is his only form of self-sabotage. he can’t mess up his relationship with his friends or parents bc they were broken in the first place, and he can’t sabotage his future bc it’s already been ruined the moment he didn’t pursue his photography major. him nearly getting kicked out of school affected him so little not just bc he wanted that punishment, but bc even that punishment meant so little to him. all these things are established and they already contribute to his suffering. removing jihyun from his life is the only active thing he can do to make himself feel worse, and he can veil it in an act of protection, and even feel like he’s doing the right thing, but that deceives them both into believing this is done from a good place, when no good can actually come of it. in trying to protect jihyun, you hurt him more. in trying to hurt yourself, you hurt him too. and when someone is in a headspace like jaewon is, you look for that thing that’ll break through. bc he is so distant, he’s trying to remove himself from reality, and jihyun needs to act as this person that can anchor him to it. when you’re trying to isolate and separate yourself, sometimes seeing that you still affect things, that there’s a persons that exists that is affected and hurt by your actions, and no matter how you try to cut yourself off, you cannot stop that, separating yourself still hurts them, maybe that’s a thing that can get through. but that’s something that depends on jaewon. ultimately, he’s the only one that can get himself out of this place, and that’s what makes it so hard, that no matter how much jihyun cares and how much he fights for him, nothing can come of that effort is jaewon doesn’t meet him there. and it’d be so easy for jihyun to give in, to take the hurt, but over the course of this show we’ve seen the strength jihyun has developed, which has only seemed to increase more so after the accident, call it a renewed vigor for life or something. he has the strength that jaewon doesn’t, to not let his pain consume him. and in a beautiful full-circle moment, it’s because of jaewon, bc when they first spoke he sparked in jihyun a want to be stronger, to be more than the country mouse, and he’s done it. and it’s that courage that means he can fight for jaewon, even in the face of rejection. he trusts himself and that he knows jaewon, the real jaewon, to see past words that are intended to hurt them both, and go after the person that’s still inside jaewon somewhere. no, he can’t do it for him, and no them being together is not some magical cure for jaewon, but it’s what can put him on a path of caring for himself again, and sometimes that has to start with caring about someone else (and suddenly I’m reminded of my beautiful man 2 and how kiyoi tries to break hira out of his worthless mindset by making him care about him, and how ultimately that can’t be enough, and that hira has to take those first steps of seeing his self worth by himself). what jihyun can do by fighting is again act as that tether to reality and try to be this representation of the good jaewon can be and do. bc look at jihyun, look at how confident and strong he has become, and look at how he got there, bc you saw that country mouse and gave him the time of day and helped him grow and gave him new experiences. you jaewon, you. and that shift in mindset, from jihyun representing hurt and the accident and the trauma of his brother and everything he can’t do, to being that light and refuge and everything he can do is again something that might breaks through. and the fact it has such narrative strength and satisfaction makes me hopeful that that’s what we might actually get.

#I did a rant #I’ve done a lot of rants actually they’re all just sitting in my notes bc they all got a little too much #my thoughts are a literal mess and I am still struggling to put them in all the right words #mostly bc the way jaewon is behaving and not to be too overinvolved is very reminiscent of *me* #and so watching him shut down and remove himself knowing it’s something i do is hard and frustrating #and I did a whole rant about it but I realised I need to separate myself from the character to be able to talk about it #so yeah #I really wanted to bring up jihyun tho #bc he presents as so strong in these two eps but you cannot argue against what he’s been through and the effect that would have on anyone #and try to see it from a perspective where we don’t know what jaewon is going through and just see his actions and realise how much he has #messed with jihyun again not at all on purpose but that 1000 to nothing jihyun went through from the trip to the accident and it’s aftermath #that’s a fucking lot #and it’s interesting that we talk so much about people putting themselves first and not putting up with shit #like I think of simon from young royals and how we celebrate him saying no to being willhelms secret as an act of self-respect #but bc we understand and empathise so much with what jaewon is going through it’s hard to make yourself even consider jihyun #but when you do see it from his side you realise it’s a lot for him too #and that you wouldn’t hate him or misunderstand him if he was mad at jaewon #and with *spoliers* is there only so much he can take of jaewon’s self sabotage hurting him until even he and his developed strength and #confidence is broken by it #he can only keep fighting for jaewon for so long and idk if it’s gonna be a case of jaewon coming round too little too late #but I just hope this isn’t easy which sounds mean I don’t want either of them to suffer more #but this isn’t a kiss and get back together and all is good #I think jaewon needs to see the bad he’s caused #bc it’s only by owning up to that that he can ground himself in the moment and see that he’s part of this world and can’t separate himself #from it and jihyun also needs to realise that no matter his headspace jaewon does want space and when someone is self sabotaging you still #have to listen and respect what they’re saying distance means distance and as much as you want to fight against it you can’t be responsible #for making it work #agh I need to stop rambling bc it’s so messy and complex and I just absolutely ADORE the level to which this situation has so many emotional #moving parts and how ultimately blameless they both are and how it makes it so much harder to see a way out it’s fantastic #the eighth sense

[a-little-bit-poss]

.

#my boss excluded me from another hiring committee for a person who'd only be working with me #but brought on everyone horizontal to me #i feel angry the way she tried to just brush it off as an accident and said 'next time' like last time #i kicked the wall to hurt my foot and now im angry at myself cuz it feels like im backsliding #i can feel how easy itd be to bang my head on the wall or slam my arm on something or throw my phone til it breaks #im in one of those moods where everything feels hopeless #and like its not even news that my boss doesnt respect me #plenty of random people dont #whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever #people who dont matter get to me #im such an easily affected dumbass

[dottores]

the past few days have been wonderful 😍

#— vent #my dog is hurt :’) #we don’t know what exactly is wrong with him but #he can’t climb stairs or jump or walk properly #i’m rlly worried #i was so upset last night because he kept trying to jump on my moms bed because that’s where he likes to sleep #and he kept crying because he couldn’t #he tried so hard :’) #my grandad has gotten into 2 accidents in the past 2 weeks #both minor but :’) #his alzheimer’s is getting so bad we have to tell him he can’t drive anymore #and on top of all this i’m rlly struggling with what to do it it’s something #my bf is not giving me good options 🥲 he just wants me to remove myself from the situation but #i don���t want to #i’m just tired of ppl complaining to me about stuff and then doing the stuff they complained about to me like #:’) what does that say :’) #and on top of allllll of that #we had a mass for my grandma yesterday and idk :’) #i’m just not in the best headspace right now sobs #if you’re still here reading thru all of this i’m giving u a smooch #sorry for dumping it all :’) #i’ll answer asks & messages in the morning :’) i’m exhausted mentally and physically and need to sleep

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[thelastspeecher]

Sliced open my thumb while trying to scrub stuff off a knife but at least I didn't need stitches 🫠

#of all the ways I've cut myself by accident a knife hasn't been one before #(well last summer I cut myself with the BACK of a knife #but I'm classifying that differently from cutting with a blade) #but now I have cut myself with a knife lol #but uh yeah we wound up calling my parents bc I was worried about how to tell if I would need stitches #I started freaking out a bit when I realized how much of a bleeder it was #and I almost cried from how much it hurt #but it's fine without stitches. just ouchie. and in an inconvenient location #Speechie sucks at health #speecher speaks

[looniecartooni]

Something I've noticed for a long time-

Almost all the friends I had in my life time have either been gay, trans, and/or geeks. My best friend growing up turned out to be trans, 2 childhood friends are gay (I don't think they ever met each other), someone I used to hang out with out at theater camp who snidely made fun of someone who also transitioned ALSO turned out to be trans (I just learned his new name today lol), I wanted to be friends with a trans masc and a lesbian in high school- heck, I even had a manager that once told me out of the blue he was trans (one of the nicest managers ever). I've had and still have more LGBTQ+ friends and geek friends, but its still just very funny that that's always been my go-to friends.

Most of the trans friends were F to M and were also mostly all geeks. I'm still questioning my own gender conformity, but for all my trans friends throughout my life- I salute you and I am proud of you! You made my life great in every step. Thank you.

#trans visibility #trans visibility day #trans community #there was some tension with one friend pretransition and I didn't understand what being trans meant at the time #so I was hearing and spreading misinformation about his transition and was mad at what he did #we made up in our senior year of high school and he reached out again- but it's still hard to forgive him #he was a good friend who went through a lot of troubles- but I think he's living a better life now #i'm teetering between non-binary and/or genderfluid myself now- but I lived in somewhat anti-lgbtq+ environments in my lifetime #so I'd like to also apologize to my trans friends who I may have unintentionally hurt or misgendered by accident #i hope you are all living with the love and respect you deserve

[fruitsclipper]

aster holding asters. maybe im meant to be a wetland scientist

#astr.txt #sorry if u can see the blister on my hand i hurt myself on accident #<- is nothing serious though

[pine-needle-scuffle]

O_O

#holy FUCK OW #i just gave myself a charlie horse on accident #felt like i had a rock in my leg GOD that hurt #i didnt know you could do that...

[babyloniastreasure]

after thinking abt it youve probably already considered these but an ergonomic grip cane that they make for people w arthritis/etc might be helpful to reduce hand/wrist strain? they also make forearm canes that i think ppl with multiple sclerosis have used as well

yeahhh i've thought about those

forearm crutches/canes aren't an option for me personally. putting any pressure on my forearms triggers pain, downward pressure like those canes would need to be used is asking for a flare up

ergonomic grips would definitely help with pain onset, but it's hard to determine by how much especially when i factor in frequent use. the more i'd use em the faster i'd reach my limit...at the end of the day it's trading one balancing act for another (pain in back/legs vs pain in arms)

it might sound like im being stubborn but ghfjdghd i promise im not! there's a lot of different ways i'm in pain and the solution for one thing has always made other pains worse, finding a solution for something is an annoying puzzle

#i dont think i have an ask tag #i might still give a cane a shot anyway around the house though. i know we have one somewhere #the dread of potentially hurting myself on accident is what keeps me from trying #but yeah. its difficult to figure out how to navigate one pain without affecting another

[caffeinatedopossum]

You know sometimes I think being misgendered doesn't bother me much but then someone I KNOW, someone who knows me and knows I'm transgender and even IS TRANS themself sometimes misgenders me and I'm reminded that no matter how accepting or supportive or similar to me they are, no one will see me as a guy until I look and sound like their idea of one.

And idk that bothers me a lot. Like I don't want to have to change just to be seen for who I am because then, is it actually who I really am or is it just a performance ABOUT who I really am?

#i try to make excuses for it. i say that it was an honest accident. a mistake that anyone would make #but it ISN'T. because they wouldnt do that if i was cis. i #no one accidentally called me he when i wasnt out to myself #its not an accident its how they really see me #and all the hes and the hims and the theys and the thems that they pretend are close enough for me to not care #THOSE ones are the ones that feel like mistakes. because thats their performance #thats not who i really am to them... its who they pretend i am and it still hurts #i thought this would fix it but it doesn't #i dont want people to indulge in my performance. i want them to KNOW me. the really real me #i just feel so separate from everyone else and this makes it worse #like im permanently stuck in this box conforming to peoples ideas of how i should be when i become myself #my friends are mostly trans and they dont fit their gender stereotypes and i dont care #my girlfriend is a girl as much as any other girl but mostly shes just herself #and the girl she is is different than any other girl ive ever known. trans or not. #im not performing to spare her feelings when i use her name or her pronouns. thats just who she is #maybe that's a bit callous of me... i shouldnt assume i know any person entirely #idk i just wish it came effortlessly to them because its never effortless for me

[lightyaoigami]

flop era over i have an interview at the big microsegmentation software co on monday :)))))

#i might still be in my flop era tho bc i hurt myself really badly by accident and i cant turn my head to the right or left lmao #it really do be like that