#and i am studying for it rn with these module things my company provided and im like..............I know failure is part of learning but th

[sylvainlover]

stress posting venting in tags <3

#i submitted my paperwork to take my board exam...and it costs 200 dollars just to like. apply to take the exam. #and i am studying for it rn with these module things my company provided and im like..............I know failure is part of learning but th #fact i am not doing perfect on these modules is making me freak out and i am so scared of failure but like ik its necessary and the whole #point of studying is going into it knowing i dont know everything. like i am learning and its fine but oh my god i am so fucking scared #im also working on moving out of this apartment bc i cant afford to live here anymore and on top of prepping for this exam i am just like. #Fuck Fuck Fuck!!!!! Like Fuck!!!!!! #Weekends are not enough for decompression i havent decompressed at all i am constantly like freaking out and anxious and feel like #im going ot like die. and i dont know how to stop studying or working or just like. lying in bed ruminating #i want to relax but i just like cant. i havent relaxed or felt calm in months i just feel like i am panicking and nothing else and its like #my baseline now. so. Hooray ^_^ #and everyone is like oh if u fail just take it again!!! i dont have an extra fucking 200 dollars to just throw away all the time lmaooooooo #anyway yeah this sucks ass. i want to die x