#and how my fucking life has gone completely down the drain because im too mentally ill to go to fucking work

[seagullsausage]

ok but for realsies!!! feeling very disgusted with myself bc ive let down my internet friends ive let down every place i ever worked at ive let down my parents and my family and even my friends and im fat and ugly and nonbinary and no one will ever respect me or my pronouns or believe my mental illness and i have no future or really any reason to be alive other than i might have something to live for and i might make my family a little sad but ill never achieve anything and i cant even be bothered to lift a hand to draw something even when i want to. so dw!!! i am very much aware of how shit of a person i am and how i am the equivalent of human garbage like i know!!!! i know!!! im getting rid of my etsy shop and tbh im gonna deactivate my tumblr sometime soon because theres nothing really left for me here and all i do is either offend people or make them uncomfortable offering no content in return. lol

#i am not asking for pity either so dont send me any!!!! #NONE of you know me irl and none of you know how fucking shit of a person i am #and how my fucking life has gone completely down the drain because im too mentally ill to go to fucking work #to pay my fucking bills and spend time with my fucking friends and family #i literally dont care if you say i am a good influence because im not!!! ive just tricked u into thinking im nice #when im in fact not!!!!! #and im so sorry to all my mutuals!!!!! i love yall but im really not where its at!!!! #im sorry!!! im sorry!!!! im so fucking sorry!!!!!

[binunus]

college bf!mj

a/n AH !!!! THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ASTRO COMEBACK ???? APRIL 5TH ??? WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE LOVES !! i genuinely...do not know if I will be able to survive this month bc of them. 

(also i tried to get this posted on mj’s birthday but I’m so sorry a lot of shit happened and I had a ~bad mental breakdown~ and it’s just been rough out here but that’s a story for another time if any of you lovely beings wanna know hehe)

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ tw: mentions of cheating (in past relationships)

→ word count: 4.9k ____________________________________

KIM MYUNGJUN !!

A LIVING REINCARNATION OF THE SUN

this is gonna be so cute i just !! love him so much???

has his own apartment, but he honestly stays over all of the boys’ places so much that...he barely sleeps at his apt

major: vocal performance

his voice is literally honey

can probably sing higher than some sopranos in his major

so friendly, everyone who meets him loves him

mj just has a way of attracting people and making people comfortable around him

in short, he is – of course – the moodmaker

can turn anyone’s frown upside down

he’s down?? for like everything

an adventurous spontaneous type

has...probably failed a ged ed class once or twice before...

he’s not stupid okay! he just doesn’t really care about the classes that has no connection to his major

like will he ever apply calculus in singing? probably not

oh but professors can’t hate him, even if he just messes around during class

he’s just so kind and likeable

loves his boys aka astro

will literally do anything to make them smile, even if he’s had a rough day

as long as his boys are happy :’) he’s happy :’)

now how do you meet myungjun??

he’s in an acapella group on campus

he just has to be alright

he was the only freshman that got in during his first year

that shows how good he is :*

a tenor in the highly competitive co-ed group

spoiler alert, he convinces sanha to join, but that’s for college bf!sanha

myungjun is what me and my friends like to call: the solo whore

and it’s not bc he’s greedy for solos, he’s a real team player

his voice just happens to sound the best for most solos your group has??

you’re also in the acapella group

im not giving a voice part bc then that would put you in a binary category

so soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, bass, you pick love

anyway, you and myungjun were chosen to sing a duet for one of your competition pieces

and it was the key emotional piece so you and him had to be on your A games

you and myungjun were friends ofc, you had to be some sort of friends with everyone in your acapella group

but you never really hung out with him outside of rehearsal

well until you got this duet together

and you weren’t worried about it, mj was so fun and nice and an amazing singer, you had no doubt these extra practices with him would be a good time

and you were right! besides singing, you actually got a chance to get to know him and how goofy he really was

you’re pretty sure you always had an ab workout whenever you hung out with him bc of how much he made you laugh

about a month away from competition, you and myungjun were like best buds

literally a chaotic, iconic duo

the chemistry you two had during your duet was spectacular, your voices highlighted and bounced off each other very well

but! your leader had a little critique

“y/n, myungjun, that was great but...can you guys pretend to look...like in love? I get we’re all friends here, but if you can’t convey the emotion of the song in our performance, what’s the point? This goes for everyone, this is a song about how much you love your partner and would give them the world, we need to show that in our eyes and movements, even if you’re just singing ooh and woah for like 10 measures.”

you and myungjun decide to stay after rehearsal and practice the emotions you guess...

your leader had a point, good singing could only go so far

and for the first time, myunjun was a bit...? awkward??

you: alright so how are we gonna pretend to be madly in love with each other

he chuckles and shrugs: honestly I don’t know, look at me like I’m your boyfriend or something??

you: well, I hate my last boyfriend so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea

myungjun offering you a high-five: I hate...well I think I hate...my last partner too so at least we have that

you: how do you think you hate your last partner? are you not dating anyone right now?

he gives you a smile and like you notice it’s forced?? it’s not genuine or bright like the one he usually gives

mj: no I’m not dating anyone...my last relationship sorta traumatized me I guess. 

you: ...how did it traumatize you...? you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to myungjun

mj: ah *awkward laughter* well...I was sorta going through it my senior year of high school, stress from graduating and what to do with my life and all that shit, you know? I dated this person since my freshman year and I guess my mental health got the best of me during that time and they couldn’t handle it. We were planning on staying together throughout college and do long distance but I found out in the summer before starting college that they fucked my high school best friend behind my back...when I confronted them about it, the answer they gave me was that I was too down and preoccupied with my worries to notice about my partner’s needs...pretty fucked up right?

your jaw dropped, your eyes were bulging out at his story

you: myungjun what the fuck??? what college do they go to? I’ll pull up right now and beat their asses, I don’t know scream in their face or something! That’s fucked!

he’s laughing a little: thanks y/n, but it’s alright. You know, maybe I was too caught up in my own problems that I ended up neglecting my partner’s needs...I guess that’s why I’m always just trying to be carefree and fun now.

you: that doesn’t justify the fact that what they did to you was wrong. you should have never gone through that myungjun, it’s not your fault that you were going through it mentally, your partner should have been there to support you and understand your struggles, not cheat on you with your best friend. ugh I’m pissed for you. 

mj: I appreciate it y/n, but yeah love’s sorta a hard subject for me.

you nod in understanding

mj: well! that’s my traumatic breakup story, it’s only fair you share yours

you laugh: you’re right. Well I was dating this guy right when I entered college, met him at the freshman orientation, completely hit it off. I was so in love with him, we dated for about a year. And then last semester he broke up with me out of nowhere, said he wanted to focus on school and himself and that he needed a break from dating. I found out two days later that he started dating one of his suite mates and that on the night he broke up with me, they fucked. So love? also something hard for me.

mj: aww look at us both unable to find or relate to love because of past relationship traumas.

you hit his shoulder laughing: you’re such a headass

mj: I’m kidding! anyway, I’m sorry you went through that too y/n. it sucks and your ex is a dumbass for breaking up with you. Do you still have feelings for him? w-wait, you don’t have to answer that, was that insensitive?

you: you’re fine haha. Um...well...sometimes when I overthink things at night, I do miss him and I wonder what the hell I did wrong for it to end so abruptly because I was honestly really happy with him, but then I wake up in the morning and I hate him again. 

mj: you did nothing wrong y/n...and if you need to call me at 2 am when you’re overthinking and need some badass confidence knocked into you, I will be awake.

you smile and give him a hug: thanks myungjun...you know the same goes for you too?

mj: hm??? what do you mean??

you: you don’t always have to smile around me, especially if you don’t feel like it. Don’t repress your mental health, huh? It’s bad for the soul to bottle it in. I’m not gonna force you to share your darkest fears with me, I’m just saying that if you feel drained and wanna talk about it, I’m here to listen

myungjun pouts a little bit, he’s really touched?? it’s hard for him to share his troubles with others

like as much as he loves astro and is close to them, he doesn’t share his down sides with the boys as often as he should bc he never wants to burden them

myungjun just always thought it was easier to suppress the bad feelings and put on a happy act

but he couldn’t deny the weight lifted off his shoulders after telling you about his breakup

and maybe it was because your energies were on a different level lately, but he found it so?? easy?? to just vent to you after that

until competition, the two of you worked on faking like you were in love (basically imagining that each other was your favorite actor/actress or whatever, something like that)

it was good enough for the group to believe it lol

but what about the judges and audience hmmmmm

anyway, fast forward and it’s competition day!!

myungjun introduces you to his best friends aka the boysss aka astro

they come and support him for his competition ugh we love

you’re like smiling and hyper when you meet them

...has myungjun been rubbing off on you???

you: it’s so nice to meet you all! myungun always talks so highly of you

astro: huh?? you’re lying, myungjun hyung complimenting us???

and then they start messing and friendly bickering with each other and yes they’re teasing mj

you’re laughing bc it’s so cute?? you can see in their eyes and their smiles how much they really care about each other :’)

also astro, probably jin or eunwoo, maybe rocky: we’re sorry if m hyung has driven you to insanity these past few months of rehearsing

you just laugh as myungjun hits them: myungjun’s actually been like my partner in crime lately, so we’re all good :)

*cue the boys exchanging looks with each other*

you perform ah ha ha

alright, you were so used to thinking that myungjun was...idk kim soohyun or something bc mm chef’s kiss his acting...to get into the emotion of the song

but then during the actual performance you saw him as myungjun and like all the hard work and extra practices and late night talks came in full force and you were just...singing to him

and you notice how...handsome?? and charismatic?? myungjun really is...and the little sparkle in his eyes when he’s performing like...wow

and after your set, you’re just like shit, what the fuck was that??

your group doesn’t win though, you place second!

but you and myungjun get awarded best solo/duet of the entire competition

astro: ;)

your acapella group: ;)

the judges: ;)

alright so im a firm believer that if myungjun had feelings for someone, he would straight up tell them like balls to the wall full fucking send

after competition, the routine of school comes back. you occasionally hang out with myungjun outside of rehearsal

by occasionally, I mean once a week hangout with myungjun (and astro bc they started inviting you to their dinners)

and then one night – at midnight – he calls you like out of pocket and his tone is like completely serious

you’re a bit scared?? like: myungjun...is everything okay? did something happen?

mj: y/n...can I ask you something?

you: yeah, of course

mj: do you still think about your ex?

you: o_o um...honestly no, not really...why?

mj: well, if I’m being honest. y/n, I have feelings for you. And i’m not asking you to like me back or give me an answer straight away, but I just wanted to let you know. If you don’t think about your ex anymore, and if you think you’re ready...maybe you can consider thinking of me??

mmmmm kim myungjun you slick flirty dog grrr bark bark

and you know how he can just talk, and talk fast, so you’re still in the middle of processing this and he just goes on like

“sleep on it, y/n. I’ll see you soon for rehearsal, okay? good night”

like you don’t even have a chance to respond to him bc he just hangs up the phone

you think about it, of course you think about it, you’ve been thinking about it ever since competition

having feelings for myungjun has always been in the back of your mind since then

like did you notice that when you hung out with him, your heart would flutter if he said something sweet?? or if you two were a bit too close to each other?? 100%

but you didn’t know if either of you were ready for another relationship so it’s just been put on the back burner

at the next acapella practice, you find that your cheeks just flush whenever myungjun looks your way

the rehearsal went a bit??? weird?? like even your group noticed that there was a bit of a tension between you and myungjun

but of course, he goes up and talks to you after rehearsal ended and he’s like: hey...I’m sorry if my confession made you feel weird, I didn’t mean for that at all. If you want, we can just forget about what I said and stay friends! 

you just facepalm like: myungjun you idiot, I’m acting weird because I like you too. God, you know maybe the boys are right, maybe you need to shut your mouth for a little bit

and he whines like: hey!

but then he realizes what you said and he gives you the brightest smile: you mean it?? you like me back??

and you’re like shyly smiling now: yeah...I do...but do you want to take the next step?? I mean...do you think you’re ready for another relationship??

he gets like serious and he grabs your hand: not gonna lie, I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready after my last one...but if there’s someone I wanna try it with, it’s you.

:’) kim !!! myung !!! jun !!!

dating myungjun?? the best thing ever

the cutest boy alive honestly

he has so much cute and goofy in him already with just friends and strangers

but with you, it’s increased tenfold

even you start to act cute and goofy after dating him

petnames?? bub and bubby

myungjun is not serious about a lot of things, but he is very serious about his feelings for you and your relationship

y’all take things at your own pace and he !! values !! consent !! even if it’s just like making out

he just doesn’t wanna mess things up with you :’)

the type of boyfriend to sing you to sleep ah !!! his voice is heaven alright

will be extra about pda in front of the guys to make them grossed out

and yes you get embarrassed, but myungjun’s too cute to scold

you get used to a lot of second-hand embarrassment dating him and being friends with the boys

but it’s just so endearing, you can’t even fight it

will swing your arms together when you’re out just walking

screams he’s so cute

you don’t really fight bc communicating with each other is one of the biggest things in your relationship

like if a disagreement or a situation comes up, you two are mature enough to talk it through and work things out bc you both already been knew what it’s like to be in a relationship that didn’t have full transparency

you do jokingly bicker about small things though (like think about how astro fights)

but he always ends fights by scooping you up in a hug and showering your face with kisses

loves kissing your nose

just imagine: you and myungjun cuddling and he just kisses your nose and you scrunch up your face and he just laughs and kisses you all over and you two end up giggling

will do anything to see a smile on your face, it’s the greatest sight to him

alright we been talking too much about how cute myungjun is

he’s also a hot motherfucker alright

the most attractive when he’s singing in your opinion

you know how charismatic he is, you’ve seen it first hand during rehearsal and performances

he’s very good at hiding his horniness, especially in public

but phew when you two are in private and myungjun’s in the mood

you can tell bc his eyes just get hazy and he immediately just starts kissing your neck

a very passionate lover, will prioritize your pleasure over his

sex with myungjun can go from being sweet and sensual, to fun and playful, to hot and exciting

by that...I mean that he is down to try every kink and position you can think of

as long as both of you are okay with it ofc

he’s one of the kinkiest members in astro im convinced

blindfolds? bondage? ice cubes? wax play?

you want it? you got it

he’s not into feet though, i apologize to my foot fetish lovers

his favorite position is actually missionary

myungjun loves being able to watch you and to see how good he’s making you feel

in missionary is when he feels the most connected to you, it’s just a passionate position

and yes he’s very vocal, so you betcha he encourages you to be vocal as well

will try to mess with you in a sense where say you two are hanging out with the guys, he’ll touch you and challenge you to not make a noise

and then he’ll snicker and wink at you if you even let out a peep

he’s a tease !!! like will edge you until you’re on the brink of cumming at least 3 times

myungjun has pretty good stroke game alright

very fluid with his hips, idk he just knows all the right spots to hit

praise...kink...that’s the tweet, need I say more

he’s into hair pulling !! both ways !! 

okay hear me out...myungjun fucking you and pulling your hair until your screaming and then after you both cum, he’s like: you hit a high f earlier bub! I almost wanted to harmonize with you but–

you: myungjun are you serious!

sex with him would always just be a fun time, like he’s hot and grrr it feels so good but there’s always a bit of laughing and joking around in the process

like he will tickle you before he puts his cock in you just to see the switch of you laughing to moaning

alright but shower sex?? he’s into that

and just the acoustics of both of your sounds in the bathroom?? it’s so filthy he loves it – and it’s easy to clean up afterwards

you bet that after any performance with your group, the two of you have sex, even if it’s just a quickie in an empty practice room or whatever

no shame, will kick the boys out or announce “we’re going to fuck bye!” if you or him get too horny in the middle of a hangout

im just gonna throw this out here...you and myungjun...mile high club

(your group competed in an acapella competition and the flight there...it just happened)

all in all, myungjun just wants to make you happy and feel good and smile, even if you two just finished an intense sex session

let’s get into the deep stuff though, you are the only person myungjun is comfortable with to not show a smile all the time

even with the boys, there’s always a small part of him that wants to just push through and be optimistic just so that they won’t worry

but with you, he knows that it’s okay to be sad and to be vulnerable :’)

when myungjun cries bc he’s upset :( fuck you cry too

he loves when you just hug him and stroke his hair when he’s stressed

very showy about your relationship, not bc he’s braggy, but bc he just wants to show the world how happy you make him and that he’s in love <3

the boys are so happy to see their eldest in love :’)

they don’t show it around each other, but they’ve come up to you in private and say sweet things like

“you make myungjun hyung so happy, he always brings joy to everyone but you bring joy to him, thank you”

im !! getting !! sentimental !!

the day you found out myungjun was in love with you was the day you met his parents

‘twas a bit spontaneous

his parents came to see one of your group performances and myungjun’s like holding your hand and leading you somewhere after you get off stage and he’s like “bub! these are my parents!”

you end up getting dinner with his family and yikes you were hella nervous, you were not expecting on meeting his parents right after your performance

not gonna lie, you thought he was leading you to the car for some post-performance sex

but they adored you, his parents could see how much you meant to their son ugh I cry

anyway, the L word

as you’re finishing dinner, myungjun’s all giddy and just like

“I’m so glad you came and watched mom and dad, the timing was perfect too! I wanted to introduce you to y/n for a while now and have you meet the person I love.”

and his parents are just smiling at you and saying how they’re so happy to finally meet you and how you have an amazing voice and to take care of myungjun and you’re !!! just !!! blushing !!!

as soon as you both got in the car after saying goodbye to his parents, he’s just like: hope I didn’t surprise you too much bubby, I didn’t know my parents were coming to watch until like an hour before we went on stage

you just give him a little smile: I was a bit caught off guard, but it’s okay. Your parents are so sweet, I see where you get it from bub.

myungjun: I can tell that they love you already! well of course not as much as I do, but with time I know they’ll come pretty close

and you’re blushing again, it’s the L word: do you mean it myungjun?

myungjun: that my parents love you?? of course–

you: no, bub...that you...love me?

myungjun: yeah...unless you don’t feel the same way–

you: myungjun! no, of course I do! I just wasn’t expecting the first time to hear it was with your parents

you two are laughing, ugh this man

after your giggles subside, he leans over from the driver’s seat and he just cups your cheek and pecks your nose: I love you y/n, thank you for reminding me what love feels like

you: I love you too myungjun

and then you two are just like sharing a sweet kiss in the parking lot of the restaurant before starting the drive back to his place

do you and myungjun make duets together for fun and post it?? yeah probably

you are the luckiest dating myungjun, the living breathing embodiment of serotonin and love

even when you two are older and out of college, he still gives you the same affection and attention and authenticity ugh he’s just amazing

im so sorry this was late but happy belated to our happy virus <3

3-12-21

#i literally disappeared for like a week im so sorry #astro #myungjun #kim myungjun #mj #astro mj #astro scenarios #astro headcanons #astro au #astro smut #astro fluff #mj au #mj smut #mj fluff #myungjun au #myungjun fluff #myungjun smut #myungjun scenarios #college bf!mj #college bf!myungjun

[orionwhispers]

Devil Like Me - Part XVI

(A/N - Forgive me friends. It’s been far too long. My mental and physical health has been in the worst state its ever been and life really got in the way. I tried to take a hiatus and almost swore of writing as a whole but you know what? It really fucking helps and I love it. I know how long you guys have waited and Im sorry I'm such an asshole, please enjoy this VERY late christmas present. I love you all. Please please please don’t forget to tell me what you think it means the world to me, my ask is always open xoxo) - also sorry if there are any mistakes I'm half asleep and a whole ass mess. love you forevs)

Then

Klaus’ hands are so tight around his steering wheel his knuckles start to turn white; mirroring the moon that follows overhead. His teeth are gritted, the vein in his throat pulsating and his breath quickening. He only calms down when his eyes flit to the rearview mirror, pupils slowing over the figure slumped in the backseat, waiting and watching for any sign of movement. He’s never been one to control his anger, the thousands of people he’s killed speak for themselves, his hands coated in more blood than a butcher, but one look at you makes his undead heart stop.

Bruises the colour of blooming violets and roses litter the delicate skin around your neck, your leg is oddly contorted and swollen, and there are gashes and wounds scarring your body. Technically, your heart stopped beating a few moments after you made contact with the ground, but he can still smell the dried blood tainting your injuries, as tantalisingly delicious as summer berries. The hybrid side of him, the animalistic, carnivorous side of him longs to tear his fangs into your flesh and drain you of blood like its cherry wine, but he knows he never will.

Once upon a time, nothing would have stopped him. The very first time he laid eyes on you, you should have been dead instantly, nothing more than a midnight snack as he made his way out of town, but it wasn’t that simple. Something changed in him that night, somehow as you made your way towards him under the cover of moonlight, trying to be brave despite cowering in fear, he felt something for the first time in a long time. That made him want to kill you even more, he despised not being in control, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you.

Now here you both were.

He had turned hundreds of people in the centuries he had lived, and not once had he cared if they made it through the transition. They were completely dispensable, he fed them his blood and turned them solely for his own personal gain, nothing more. They were nothing but pawns to him, alliances in cities all over the world, minions forever at his beck and call.

He had never felt red hot anxiety prickling under his skin as he waited impatiently for signs that you had awoke, never felt panic and bile in his throat at what might happen if you didn’t. All of these feelings were foreign and unwelcome, he despised not being in control, it made him feel powerless and weak, all things he knew he wasn’t. He gritted his teeth so hard he thought they might break as he continued down the empty country roads, the car bumping and tearing along the gravel. He felt fury like he had never felt before, rage that bubbled inside him like lava, threatening to spew over.

He had killed the witch he reminded himself, torn her head from her spine and watched her blood stain the oak floor. She was gone for good, ordering his inferiors to burn her body in the woods ensuring she would never come back. None of that diminished the hatred in his head though, he had been reckless and stupid, he should have killed her the very first chance he got. He was so sure he could have protected you, but his feelings for you made you vulnerable and he had almost lost you due to his own greed.

He would never come that close again.

He looked up to the mirror once again, and immediately calmed at the sight of you, his whole body relaxing like waves smoothing onto the shore. He would never let anything happen to you.  A feeling washed over him, one that had been rising in his insides since the very first day he met you, it was like his overprotective nature towards his siblings, but heightened. You two were bound, something had drawn him to you, something inside you had unlocked his emotions again, and it was euphoric.

He glanced at you, the curve of your bitten lips, the arch of your nose and the shadow of your eyelashes cast onto your battered cheek. He didn’t believe in God, or fate or destiny, but he believed in you. You were his and he was yours. That was all the faith he needed. His blood was the thing keeping you alive, coursing through your body, making you sired to him. Maybe it was wrong, he knew that vampirism was a curse, that you hadn’t been able to make the choice for yourself, but this way you had an eternity together. Whatever you wanted, anything you desired, he would get for you. He wanted to take you to places in the world, bring you to his favourite hidden spots and secret escapes, show you culture, art, museums, spend evenings under candlelight and mornings with sun bathing your tangled limbs. He wanted it all, and he wanted it with you, only you.

He made a vow that night, as the car bounced across dusty roads, raindrops splattering along the windshield. He made a vow that, no matter what, he would never let you regret turning that night, he would give you the world and more. He knew he would get it wrong sometimes, he was possessive, easily jealous and sensitive. He could be argumentative, violent and overprotective, but he would never take it out on you. He would help you through the transition, be by your side through anything, because as he drove further into the night, he realised how much you meant to him and what the feeling taking over him was… Love.

Now

You sat on your haunches, cradling your knees with your arms and peering out of the large bay windows watching the sky change with every passing minute. It had been a couple of days since the prank night and the first successful hybrid transformation, but you were feeling less than celebratory.

Klaus’ happiness was infectious. It always had been, his wide toothy grin and contagious laugh always made your insides light up like a furnace. Klaus had a reputation, he was the most powerful being on the planet, and he made sure everyone was aware of that. Speaking his name alone was enough to make even the most impressive of vampires cower with fear. You were one of the lucky few that had seen the other side of him, whilst you were familiar with his ruthless, barbaric and ferocious ways you were blessed to see the side that was hidden from most.

He was without a doubt the funniest person you had ever met, always able to make you crack a smile no matter how down you were feeling. He was playful and flirtatious, whispering teasing words into you neck when you both attended lavish dinner parties, making you blush and giggle into your palm. Mornings in bed were filled with lighthearted banter and funny anecdotes of his past, and he always had a witty comeback whenever you were feeling argumentative. You had never met anyone like him and you knew no one could ever possibly compare.

That’s why it was so bittersweet to see him radiating with happiness. Even though you would never fully understand it, you knew that creating successful hybrids meant the world to Klaus and whilst you were pleased at his victory, you couldn’t help but feel uneasy. It was clawing deep inside your gut, the feeling that something much bigger was going on, and you were both in the centre of it. Despite the animosity between the both of you, he was unable to stay away when he was so ecstatic, because you were the only one he wanted to share good news with.

The night everything happened and you all returned to the mansion to a bewildered Elijah and Kol, Klaus was practically bouncing off the walls with glee. You slunk in behind him with Rebekah, still on edge from the evenings events but more so from the uneasy butterflies in your stomach. On the car ride over, Klaus had opened the door for you and made you sit shotgun, he spoke loudly and animatedly into the phone to someone, beaming with pride as he discussed future plans.

As he finished the call and smiled widely, he reached for the gearstick before casually reaching over and placing his hand atop yours and squeezing your palm; making you instantly freeze. The touch lasted merely a few seconds but sent electricity through your whole body, his large thumb stroked over the delicate skin on the back of your hand and then he returned it to the steering wheel, placing another call as if it was nothing. You were sat unmoving, your mind racing and heart pounding at his sudden display of affection, nervous but still yearning for his touch, you didn’t know how to react and glanced up at the rearview mirror, catching sight of a gobsmacked Rebekah staring back with large eyes.

“Where have you all been?” Elijah asked, placing down his book and uncrossing his legs from his spot on the armchair.

“We’re celebrating, brother!” Klaus replied with a grin, reaching over to the bar and rummaging around the bottles of liquor, grabbing something dark and bitter looking.

Kol smirked, leaping over the cream coloured sofa and grabbing his own bottle, uncapping it and taking a swig, grinning at the taste. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

“Celebrating?” Elijah asked, shooting you a look, you shrugged exasperatedly, offering a wan smile of support as Rebekah linked her arm with yours and pulled you towards the fireplace, a bottle of wine in her arms and a knowing smirk on her perfect pink lips.

“We made history tonight, Elijah! Call up everyone you know, they’re going to want to be a part of this.” He held his drink above his head, a large smile on his beautiful face, practically illuminating the room with his happiness. He glanced around the room, nodding at each of the people gathered in it, finally settling on you. He placed the neck of the bottle to his lips, pausing as he said, `’To us.” He threw his head back and drank, and you could feel everyones eyes on you, burning holes into your head, you swallowed thickly and grabbed the bottle from Rebekah and took a long swig, relishing in the burning feeling at the back of your throat.

It was going to be a long night.

———————————————————

An hour or two passed, you were sat in the enormous kitchen, perched on a barstool away from the crowds, watching the party unfold around you. Klaus and his siblings must have called every witch, vampire and werewolf they knew in an 100 mile radius; as the house was practically heaving with people. Your glass was empty, and you ran a finger over the rim as you watched the guests fawn and gush over Klaus, congratulating him exaggeratedly. He relished in their attention, he was practically a God to them, and you knew it was beyond entertaining to him, watching them almost kiss his feet, desperate for his approval. Often, after encounters like this, Klaus would tease and mock these pathetic conversations in private to you as you laid in bed, making you giggle into his shoulder, but you didn’t imagine that would be happening tonight.

You put your head down, determined not to torture yourself with memories of the past, and decided to eavesdrop on the guests, tuning you're hearing and listening to the conversations around you. If you were going to sit and wallow in self pity, you might as well get some entertainment out of it. You were engrossed in a vampire from New York attempting to flirt with a disinterested Rebekah when you felt a presence beside you, instantly recognising the warm comforting smell of pine and bourbon.

“Something tells me you aren’t enjoying yourself.”

You smiled gently, not sure where to look, focusing on the tiny beads of wine at the bottom of your glass, round and plump like drops of blood. How did he make you this nervous, even after all this time? Regardless of the situation, even when things were perfect between you, he could make you blush and squirm like you were a child.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” You meet his gaze for a few seconds, feeling his eyes dart over your face, and you turn back to the glass, blushing as red as the wine. “No, I’m fine. Really I’m…” You think for a moment, plucking up the courage to say what you feel, turning back to him and taking control, 'I’m proud of you Klaus, really.” His eyes flicker with emotion, disappearing as soon as it appears, and you swallow, stifling a fake yawn. “I’m just tired, not really in a party mood if Im honest, I think I’m going to head to bed.” You swung your feet out from under the stool, ready to head upstairs to think in silence, when his large hand gripped your shoulder, fingers around your flesh.

“No,” he said, his voice was soft, but his tone was firm and explicit, making you stay rigid in your spot. “Stay,” he continued, ‘for me.” A second passed and his voice changed, softer and gentler, like new snow. “Please.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. Your eyes met for a moment, lingering too long on one another, and you watched them glimmer and shine, mimicking the grin widening on his face. All thoughts you had in your head vanished, and you sat dumbfounded.

“Besides,” he said, reaching for a bottle of something dark and bitter looking and pouring it into your glass, “I need someone to help me carry Kol up the stairs later.” He joked, motioning to his younger brother who was completely intoxicated, dancing on the mahogany dining table.

“Klaus!” You squealed as your glass started to overflow with alcohol, copper coloured droplets sliding onto the table. You lurched forward to stop him from adding any more and looked up at him with wide playful eyes, “Stop it! Or else you’ll be the one carrying me to bed later!” The unplanned innuendo is out of your mouth before you can stop it, and you blush beet red at your comment, closing your eyes from embarrassment.

You feel him lean into you, hot breath on your skin, that god damn smirk rising on his beautiful face. “Don’t tempt me.”

If your heart was still beating it would be racing into oblivion, you melt at his words and it makes you grimace at how pathetic you can be towards him. His eyes meet yours over the rim of his own drink, and he takes a sip of bourbon. The smell instantly hits you and memories flood your brain, one glance at him and you know he’s thinking the same. Long nights, dancing until your feet bled, drunken kisses and skin glistening with sweat. You’re reminded of his whispers of affection, lips buried into your flesh, “I love you’s” shared under neon lights, the weight of his hips against yours, giggling into his hair, his possessive hands around your waist as you partied together,  

He gives you one last dark, knowing look before he parts to talk to the rest of the guests and you bite your lip, staring down at your drink and then hastily reaching for it; downing it in one, Rebekah watching you intently.

—————-

That was a few days ago, and it replays in your head like a movie as you drum your fingertips against the windowsill. The party had been fun and everyone had been in great spirits, but as soon as your head reached the pillow, exhausted and exhilarated from the night, and you fell into a deep sleep, everything went back to normal. Klaus’ never allowed himself more than a moments rest, and you were sure he didn’t even sleep that night, rattling around the house, making phone calls and sending messages until the sun rose.

You had woken up to an empty house, and been informed by one of Klaus’ overzealous workers that everybody had left on their own private missions. To make matters even worse, when you tried to grab your coat and explore the town on your own, two of his henchmen grabbed your arms and told you they were under strict orders to keep you in the mansion. You obviously protested, but as you struggled to come free, the younger one looked at you and said through his compulsion, “If you leave, we have to kill ourselves.” At that you swore angrily and rolled your eyes, stomping back upstairs and flopping dramatically onto the bed. Fucking men. 

Being left to your own devices was torture, and you couldn’t pry anything out of anyone during the stolen moments when they returned home and you were feeling utterly sorry for yourself. You had flicked through all the magazines you had found in Bekah’s room, watched hours and hours of mind numbing reality tv, and even scrubbed the bathroom until it shone, but the days still dragged and you were devastatingly bored.

You watched a wood pigeon dart onto a branch and exhaled loudly, tapping your feet to a made up rhythm, you paused mid step, ears twitching rapidly as you swore you could hear footsteps approaching. You twisted your body to the sound, waiting for the tell tale twist of the doorknob, and expecting it to be one of the servants, telling you that you were going to be alone for the nest few days.

Only it wasn’t, it was Klaus.

You stared dumbfounded at the man before you, even though it was his mansion, filled with people working for him and you were only there because of him, he was the last person you expected. He looked as beautiful as ever, tousled curls and flushed cheeks, and that damned cheeky smirk on his lips.

“Klaus?” You asked, sitting up straighter and messing with your clothes. You were wearing fuzzy leggings and an oversized sweatshirt you had stolen from Rebekah, and you had haphazardly thrown your hair into some kind of up-do, tendrils falling into your eyes. You brushed them behind your ears and glanced up at him, pink hitting your cheeks.

“What are you doing here?” You said, staring up at him, curling your toes in your fluffy socks.

He stared down at you, offering a smile that made your insides do flips, as he simply said “I have something to show you.”

———————————-

The garden was as beautiful as you remembered from your walk with Elijah all those weeks ago, and under the moonlight it looked magical. You glanced at the blooming flowers and decorative statues, borders of rose bushes and fragrant lavender, trailing your fingertips across them as you walked. You were so caught up in the beauty that you hadn’t noticed Klaus staring intently at you, watching you and your childlike wonder at everything that surrounded you. He felt the familiar sparks igniting inside him that only occurred around you, the heat in the pit of his stomach whenever he looked at you. He was amongst some of the most breathtaking and striking scenery but none of it came even close to you.

‘So, where is it you’re taking me?” You asked, your words snapping him out of his trance.

“Not too much further now.” Was all he offered, picking up his pace and rounding a corner towards an archway covered in vibrant indigo flowers. You were in awe of the colours and smell, bunches of pretty plants overhead, leading down a path towards something in the distance.

“Wow, Klaus. I’m impressed,” You teased, “I had no idea you were such an avid gardener.”

He rolled his eyes at you, quipping back. “Well, I’ve always had an eye for beautiful things.” He gave you a look before raising a brow and stepping further into the darkness.

You paused, unable to hide your flush and silently cursed him out. Damn him and his stupid looks and stupid words.

He was a ways in front of you, you could see his silhouette morphing into the distance and you turned on your heel to catch up. You dipped and dashed under the vines and petals, careful not to crush the grass underfoot as you chased after him, wondering when he got so fast. You were about to call out to him, when you came to a halt, exhaling in wonder. You could see the lines of his frame, his hands resting on the balcony of a regal stone gazebo, rustic and beautiful, overlooking a vast tranquil lake. It was stunning, and you tentatively stepped up, there was a marble bird bath in the centre and statues of cherubs and angles resting on arches above your head.

You stood next to Klaus, watching him gaze forward like a king surveying his kingdom, which actually wasn’t that far from the truth. It was so quiet, the lake was still and calm and reflected like a diamond under the moonlight, the stars twinkling above you both. You steadied, relaxing and gazing out at the lake. A moment of peaceful silence passed, and you heard Klaus fidget next to you.

“My family owned land here, in Mystic Falls.” You nodded, letting him continue. “We would often come here and stay, but I don’t have many fond memories of it here.”

You weren’t surprised. Klaus’ rarely opened up about his childhood but when he did, the anecdotes made your heart hurt, you knew how evil his dad was and how much of a challenge it was growing up.

“When I heard about the Petrova doppleganger living here I knew it wouldn’t be long till I was coming back. I thought I’d collect her and leave; be in and out of this town within a couple of days, but of course, nothing is ever that easy. The Salvatore brothers obviously had to get involved and some challenges rose up on my end as well.” He added, looking at you with a playful smirk.

You mirrored him, watching his face under the light of the moon, illuminating his sharp jaw and ocean eyes. His voice was as soft as the water beneath you as he spoke, “At first, I despised being back. Towns like these always stir up things… memories.” You know what he meant, Mystic Falls was a rainier, woodier, gloomier version of the town you had met and fallen in love in, it was like déjà vu, the small city life reminding you of the past.

“This house has been in my family for centuries, but nobody ever had any use for it. It was just sitting here, covered in dust.” He pauses, his eyes flitting over the scenery “I came out one day when I needed some air, and I found this spot hidden away.” You nod, listening to his words. “It was breathtaking. I had no idea it existed, no idea that all of this was out here. So much innocence in a town I’ve always despised.”

Thunder crackles overhead. A storm appearing, grey clouds looming in the dark of the night. A few stray droplets of rain fall onto the lake, you watch it form ripples and you sigh.

“It’s beautiful.”

A moment of silence. “It reminded me of you.” His voice is quiet, and you look at him, struck by his words, but he keeps his eyes away from yours. I had so much on my mind.” He says, letting out an exasperated laugh, finally turning to face you. “So much. The Doppleganger, the Salvatore’s, my siblings and that bloody hunter Saltzman. I thought for once you might be off my mind, that for once I could get something done without constantly thinking about you, but thats bloody impossible isn’t it?”

You gulp. Feeling completely bewitched under his gaze you are unable to do anything but stare at him, losing yourself in his eyes.

“It’s crazy how all of a sudden, all of my thoughts can turn to you, just by seeing something that rivals your beauty.”

You shudder.

“I wish I could lie and say that I haven’t spent every single day thinking about you, but I can’t. You drove me bloody insane. I thought I was losing my mind, nothing made sense without you.”

He gazes down at you, the rain pelting down now, droplets splashing across both of your faces as it bounces off the side of the gazebo. You’re inches apart now, the heat of your bodies mingle against each other and he can’t resist the urge to clasp your face between his palms. It sends fireworks through you both, his fingers are like electric wires torching through your skin.

“When I found out where you were I lost it. I’d gotten so used to the idea of never seeing you again, I thought it was my punishment. Penance for all the evil things I’ve done, karma taking away the only thing in my life I care about, no one like me deserves something so pure, so good.”

His fingertips graze along your cheekbone and you can feel your eyes welling up at his words, you’re breathless, wanting to explain everything, but he’s too wrapped up in his own thoughts.

“I needed you back, I didn’t care what I had to do, I had to have you. The idea that you were out there, possibly with another man…” his jaw clenches, “The thought of you with someone else, another bastard making you happy when it should have been me, it drove me crazy. I needed to see you, to touch you, to know you were safe.”

With hesitation he pushes himself off you, the pressure from his fingers leaving burn marks on your skin. He’s back to staring out at the water, the torrential rain and wind thundering around you, your hair whipping round your face.

“Klaus?”

“I hated you. Despised you for leaving me. I trusted you, and you left.”

“Klaus… please.” Your voice cracks, salty tears making their way down your face and catching on your lips.

“I didn’t want to look at you when you came back. When I knew you were safe I locked you in that  room, I couldn’t bear seeing your face. Until I heard you crying.”

You think back to that very first night, overwhelmed, exhausted and emotional you collapsed into a heap of your own tears. You had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor, waking up in the plush bed. Someone had changed you and tucked you in, you had suspected it was Klaus, but know you were certain.

“I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but hearing you cry broke me. Knowing that i was the cause of your pain, it was too much. Seeing you after all that time… I realised I was a fool to think I could ever not love you.” The moon is wide and full, he watches it, almost as if the wolf inside can’t contain itself. “I hope you can forgive me.”

Forgive him? You almost look up to see if pigs are flying across the night sky. These aren’t the words you expect to hear from him.

“The way I’ve handled things has been… regrettable. I’m realising that now, I should never have treated you as if I owned you… it was wrong of me.”

You open your mouth to reply but he cuts you off, slicing through the dark like a blade.

“I’ve asked for all the spells to be removed, I’ve taken off my compulsion. You’re free to do as you like.”

He falls silent again and you can swear you see him visibly exhale with something, almost deflating, as if all the energy and power has been sucked out of him.

“What changed?” You ask, stepping towards him.

“I love you too much to keep hurting you.”

“Hurting me?” Love. Love. Love. He loves you, it fills you up like thick warm gooey honey, but it’s not as simple as it sounds.

“I’m letting you go.”

You falter, furrowing your eyebrows as you watch him, trying to understand what he’s saying.

“If you leave, I won’t follow you. I’ll… I’ll let you go… You’ll be free of me.”

“Klaus.” You begin, inching towards him, reaching out to grab his arm but he turns red, anger getting the best of him, the alpha hybrid clawing its way back to the surface.

“No. Just go! Tonight!” He bites his tongue, eyes filling with emotion and the vein in his throat pulsating rapidly, “Pack everything and leave before the sunrises, I… I can’t have you in the same house as me.”

“What if I don’t want to leave?” You bite, snapping him out of his own rant.

“Then you’re an idiot.” You scoff and resist the urge to give him the finger. “You know what I am. I’m a monster! I ruined us once and you know I’ll do it again. Leave! GO!”

He’s speaking with fury, crimson in the face. If you were anyone else you would be cowering with fear, terrified of the creature before you and everything he’s capable of, nut you know him better than anyone, and you aren't scared.

“You know what Klaus? If you hadn’t have brought me back, I don’t know if I would have ever returned.”

He swallows thickly, mouth agape, hurt in his beautiful eyes.

“Because I’m a coward, not because I stopped loving you.” You force him to look at you, taking his face in your hands this time, holding him firmly in place. “What I did… How I left… I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life. I thought I was doing the right thing, I never meant to hurt you.”

You rest your forehead against his, your breath hot and heavy. Its magnetic between the two of you, pulses synced and intertwined, the way you are supposed to be. Silence fills up the space between you both, thick like smoke, neither of you know what to say. You’re speaking through your eyes, domineering stares and hands gripped on one another, terrified to let the other slip away.

“I’m leaving for Portland tomorrow.”

“You are? Why?” You ask, lips milliermeters away from his own.

“There’s a pack of werewolves camping out, I’m going to go and have a talk with them.”

You give him a look, knowing exactly what that ‘talk’ is going to consist of. A lot of blood and arguing, possibly death.

“Besides, I didn’t know if you were going to leave, I didn’t want to be around if you did.” His voice was bashful, so rare to be heard coming from his lips. He pulls closer to you, his nose brushing yours, the rain still thrashing and thundering around you sending chills between you. He sounds so vulnerable, so innocent, as he mumbles against you, “Will you be there when you get back?”

You don’t answer. Instead you do the thing that you’ve craved since you saw him, you pulled him impossibly closer and kissed him. He was in shock, dazed by the taste of your familiar, enchanting lips, you were as addictive as bourbon, making him feel a high like no other. His hands on your hair, mouth opening to drink in as much as you as he could, what he would give to take you right then and there, but he knew he had to be patient. Under the moonlight and the claps of thunder and icy rain, you kissed feverishly and frenzied, he was possessive and dominant, marking you as his.

You were pressed up against one another, his hands clambering over you, on your tiptoes, desperate for as much of him as you could get, you had been starving for his touch for so long. You were breathing into one another, a mess of hair and sighs and fireworks that sparked under your skin. After a moment he pulled away, reluctant and breathless, resting his forehead against yours once more, bound to one another with invisible chains.

He looked up at you with big playful eyes, a mocking pout on his now swollen lips. “Does this mean we’re friends again?”

You exhaled, reaching for him and pulling him onto you again, burying yourself onto his lips with a teasing smile and a flirty wink, “I’d say we’re a little bit more than friends.”

—————-

to be continued….

#klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson imagine #klaus imagine #klaus mikealson imagine #TVD #tvd imagine #the originals #the originals imagine

[dank-rituals]

So

Im born, genetically predisposed to mental illness & cancer, to a family that has a legitimate curse of some kind that insists on tragedy every time the wind blows in our favor.

I have a childhood, that was actually pretty great, though I did develop into a daydreamer. I also have basic "talented child" problems.

My mother commits suicide because she can't handle her mental illness, causing severe trauma to everyone around her.

I get ostracized at school because of..well, pick a reason I guess. Let's go with poor social skills, that lays enough blame on me but also I feel like I can defend it.

I REALIZE that I haven't developed social skills early, so I try to learn and grow. I'm met with complete dismissal, the damage is done and in a small town nobody cares.

Mental health degenerates.

I seek professional help, fill out a lot of questionnaires and am told SO MANY TIMES "things will be better in college, weird kids have trouble in high school that's the trope"

Barely make it through high school all hope resting on that idea. Make poor decisions based on it. Surround myself with toxic people just to have people around me.

I have no clue how college works, literally just agree to the first (bad) plan my negligent uncaring guidance counselor offers.

Find out I'm getting a lot of financial aid, but will still need loans to cover tuition. Not housing though, I'm clever and will live off campus with 2 of my older friends who are going to the same school. Oh, apparently it's 5 other friends? Didn't know people could just invite themselves to this, but hey toxic people are toxic.

Sign the papers, move my shit to new place. Am instantly terrified of the disparity between what I was told would be and what is.

College is, in a word, traumatic. Cannot meet new people, cannot get professional mental health, cannot get away from toxic roommate, cannot drive, cannot get out of bed in the morning...what if today's the day I do what my mom did? She just couldn't take it and snapped one day, when will that happen to me? Stay in your room, play video games, can't die if you don't live.

Fail all classes due to lack of attendance. Lose apartment due to lack of rent. Lose friends. Lose future.

Hope.

Ignorant, enabler friend offers place to live to continue education (the one I'm hiding from for fear of my own mind). Golden ticket for a second chance! Still me though. How long can I pretend to these sweet loving caring people that I'm going to class, that I deserve their kindness, that I'm going to survive this. About a year, turns out. Completely dismissed from school. 2 years, no education to show. Sent home to work on a farm. Work odd jobs, suffer the infinite indignities of my home life.

Suddenly, out of nowhere...things change. Life isn't so horrifying all the time. New job, leads to new school, to even better job. Meet a girl, get a place...is life...good? Did I...did I make it through? Am I gonna be o....

/CANCER

Yay, the horror is back! Everyone wants to show support, in the end it's me and her and some money they gave us. Cancer isn't a battle. I come through...different. The horror is back, different now. Had a chance and it was taken. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Wanna live. Strange to feel that way. Some people make me want to live, not toxic, not too good for me. Why not have both? Because they are too good. I ruin everything. As usual.

2 more years, living the same day over and over. Everyone's gone. Job gets worse every day. Life is a rotten apple. Pot helps, not enough. Therapy is useless, try to get help from an unfeeling system. "Get out of this town" everyone says.

Christmas time. I fucking hate Christmas time. One too many bad weeks. I'm done, leave my job, get out of town, any means necessary. Line up a job, hard to make work, but willing to take the risk. Visit people who were too good for me...awful visit, scared for this future. Job falls out from under me. Nowhere to go, money drained away.

A kindness, not much of a job, but something. Money runs out, scary few weeks. Ramen and peanut butter. Last chance, big tax refund from shit job. Just gotta hold on for a bit, then on my feet and ready to try again.

Remember the student loan? It's been years, I've avoided thinking about it, it's just a reminder of the first time I really thought I'd kill myself.

Tax refund has to go towards it, no say, no notice, nothing. Just poof, my last chance gets devoured by a dark cloud from the past.

I get high to get past the panic. I sleep like shit, and I wake up the next morning. No plan, no hope, no idea or will to live. I write it out hoping someone understands.

I dont know what to do. I dont know why I should get out of this bed ever again. I dont know what I did to deserve all of this. Why it always happens to me. Why cant I just be happy. Why cant I just live and be normal and not wanna die every 10 minutes. Why did my mother abandon me to this. Why am I such a stupid, worthless failure who only ever lets people down and hurts them. Why do I have to be me.

#vampirecmb #depression

[pwjins]

just neighbor things

summary: your new apartment life starts out rather bad, but luckily, your odd friendship with your new neighbor helps keep both yours and his life just a little bit more manageable. member: seongwoo genre: fluff?? neighbor!au???  a/n: i literally have no idea what im doing i’m so sorry  insp. by these au prompts!!

congrats

You just got kicked out of your parents’ house

And now you’re trying to haul 50 pounds of stuff into your new and kind of shitty apartment

But as a 3rd year college student with a questionable major 

Who has no idea what the fuck they’re doing

This was a pretty good start for you

The rent for the apartment was pretty cheap considering it was small

But anything you could afford with your half assed part time job at the local supermarket was good enough for you

You finally lugged the last of your boxes into your apartment, letting out a heavy breath

Instead of throwing yourself on the floor and rewarding yourself with a nap

You figured you should be a good new neigbor in the apartment complex

So you showered and freshened up, making yourself look less sleep-deprived and somewhat presentable

You rushed out your door and knocked on the door of the apartment to the left of yours

You were hopeful to make some new friends in the complex and get along with your neighbors

Since you’d be living here for a while

However, your hopes went down the drain when you heard the sound multiple cats screeching behind the door

And angry footsteps moving forward and swinging the door open

Which probably would’ve hit you in the face if you didn’t step back

You were faced with an elderly woman, holding a chubby cat in her arms that looked as pissed as she was

Still, you decided to be confident and move on, greeting her with, “hi! my name’s Y/N! i just moved–”

Before you could even finish your introduction she glared at you with her angry old woman eyes and cut you off

“new neighbor? ANOTHER kid?”

You were unable to even respond to her as she kept annoyedly complaning about something like “noisy kids” and “don’t know what they’re doing” and “no decency”

The second she finished her thoughts, she shut the door 

Without even greeting you, leaving you alone in the hallway

“nice to meet you too i guess” you mumbled

Okay, so not a great start

But hey you still had your other neighbor to greet who hopefully wasn’t an ass

With new high hopes, you knocked on the door a couple times, waited for a minute or two

But there was no response

You decided to knock a few more times aaaaaand still no response

Giving up, you figured that your neighbor was either dead, asleep, or out of the house

You really hoped it wasn’t the first one

As you were about to turn and head back to your apartment

A voice a couple feet down the hall called out to you

“hey, what’re you in front of my apartment for?” they said, sounding slightly annoyed

You stiffly turned around, not wanting to make yet another bad first impression

You were expecting another angry person to be yelling at you

Boy oh boy you were SO wrong

The second you turned around and faced the person, you swear your heart probably stopped

Oh my god he’s hot

You were faced with a tall guy, subtle dark circles underneath his eyes and a family size bag of hot cheetos in his arms like it was his firstborn son

But oh man did he rock that sleep deprived look 

He was probably around the same age as you, college student you assumed

You struggled to get your words out, only managing to sputter, “uhh i’m y/n! i’m your new neighbor?”

He raised an eyebrow, looking at you up and down and completely iGNORED YOU

Before unlocking his apartment door and disappearing inside without saying another word to you

Good job, y/n, first day in and you’ve pissed off both neighbors

He might’ve been cute 

But that didn’t mean anything if he was as much of an asshole as the elderly cat woman next door

You sighed and decided to wave the white flag for the day, retreating back into your apartment to rest

Your place wasn’t exactly super well furnished

So at most right now, you had a crappy mattress, some blankets, and your best friend, the coffee maker

But you just had to deal with it until you unpacked everything else so you crashed on your mattress

And scrolled through your social media until you knocked out

As if your first day/night in your new place couldn’t get worse

You heard some loud and rapid knocking at your door, waking you up from your sleep

It was dark inside your apartment and outside the window too

So you pulled out your phone to see what time it was, squinting at your bright screen in the dark

3:17AM

Literally who the fuck was bothering you at 3am

You groaned and threw your blankets off the mattress and got up to head towards the incessant knocking

When you finally got to the door, you threw it open to see the dumbass trying to bother you

“i’m tired what do you wan–” you grumbled, unable to finish your sentence when you saw once again

Your undeniably good looking neighbor from earlier who didn’t look too sober at the moment

He looked pretty disheveled at the moment, but still damn

His brown hair looked slightly messy and he wore a plain t shirt over black jeans, and the three cute little moles on his cheek caught your attention

Before you could even ask if he was okay because he clearly did not look like it

He immediately fell against the doorframe, leaning and holding onto it as to not fall over

And he began rambling endlessly without even giving you a second to comprehend what he was trying to say

“hi i know it’s like 3am i’m so soryr but i’m just really tired and really drunk right now and i dont’ know WHERE my keys are and the old lady next door scares me with her gardening shears so please hav mercy on me and let me crash for the night plus you’re pretty and i know we just met but i think i like you so hi hey how’s it going”

And with that, he fell asleep against the doorframe

what the fuck

One part of you just wanted to leave him there and go back to sleep

But then another part of you didn’t want to be sued for abandoning a helplessly sleep deprived guy

So you tugged him forward so that his body fell over your shoulders and you dragged his RIDICULOUSLY HEAVY BODY into your apartment

jesus christ i just wanted to sleep

You didn’t have any couch or chair to lie him down in

Nor did you have the strength or patience to lug him all the way to your mattress

So you decided just to leave him on the floor by the kitchen and threw a blanket over him

You mentally pat yourself on the back for being a good citizen of the world and crawled back into bed

Right as you were about to fall asleep again, loud snoring began to echo through the apartment

You sighed in regret, contemplating if bringing him in was even a good idea

But you just ignored it and pulled your pillow over your ears and finally got to sleep

The next morning, you tiptoed into the kitchen pouring out some cereal into two bowls and making yourself a mug of black coffee

As you waited for the water to boil, you walked over to the sleeping body in your living room

You squatted down in front of him and nudged his shoulders lightly

He didn’t budge at all so you started nudging him harder, basically almost shaking his shoulders till he started moving

His eyes finally cracked open and he began stretching his arms a bit before sitting up and rubbing his eyes

He looked around your apartment which was stilled filled with boxes and tons of junk lying around

Poor guy looked so confused until he saw you sitting in front of him

“well this doesn’t look like my apartment”

“no shit it isn’t” you replied

“i think you’ve got things backwards, first you wake me up at 3am drunk as hell, crash in my living room, eat my cereal, and i don’t even know your name yet” you said

He struggled to stifle a laugh as you got up to hand him a good ol bowl of Fruit loops and a fork

He accepted the bowl but held up the fork with an eyebrow raised at you

“look i just moved in and i can’t find my spoons so you’re just gonna have to eat with a fork” you shrugged, shoving fruit loops down your throat

“funny because my apartment has all spoons but i can’t find my forks,” he laughed, “the name’s seongwoo, ong seongwoo, but you can just call me ong”

You smiled at his humorous personality– he was definitely growing on you

“y/n, but maybe you would’ve know that already if you didn’t oh so gracefull ignore me yesterday,” you chuckled

“Yeah, sorry about that, running on 2 hours of sleep and hot cheetos can make a guy moody sometimes” he responded

And so began your long morning of eating cereal and talking with your new neighbor, seongwoo

You learned that he was a year older than you and went to college about 15 minutes away from yours

He used to live on the on-campus dorms but got evicted by his roommates after his 2nd year for being too noisy

And apparently the person that used to live your apartment before you came was some middle-aged man that would steal his coupons from the mailbox

So he was relieved that that DEMON was finally gone

His other neighbor was yet another old lady who was overly obsessed with her plants and would try to cut him with her shears if he got too close

The two of you bonded over complaining about old cat lady and old plant lady, laughing over your encounters with them

After demolishing your box of fruit loops and talking all morning, you asked, “hey since i basically housed and fed you for the last 8 hours, can you like please help me unpack”

He happily agreed and you both spent the rest of that afternoon unpacking the boxes and uncluttering the apartment

While you would unload the rest of the plates and bowls into your lower cabinets

seongwoo would be putting away the cups and mugs onto the higher shelves that you couldn’t reach

Finally you had some chairs and other furniture to fill the space so that you weren’t eating on the floor or with forks all the time

You finished unpacking nearly all of the boxes, leaving some in the closet for another day to handle

After you guys finished, you exchanged numbers in case you guys needed something in the future

“if you need anything or need to drunk crash at my place whenever you lose your keys, just knock really loudly,” he laughed, heading out the door and back into his own apartment

Turned out his keys were under the mat the entire time

After that incident, you guys just started depending on each other for a lot of things

Because you guys were basically each other’s only friend in a building of angry elderly women

If you ever needed something from a tall shelf and couldn’t get it, you’d just knock violently on the wall for seongwoo to hear on the other side

If the landlord was inspecting rooms to make sure they weren’t being trashed

You’d help seongwoo hide all of his junk in the closet to make his apartment at least look clean

So that he wouldn’t get evicted from ANOTHER place

Whenever you’d forget to bring one of your textbooks to class, seongwoo had your spare key and was only one text away

Would drive all the way to your school just to drop it off so you didn’t fail chemistry

And of course there were nights where you’d both go out to drink together just for fun and it didn’t matter whose apartment you both crashed in

As long as you could at least get in to one of them

Yeah both of you tend to forget your keys a lot LOL

Studying for your midterms and having a mental breakdown?

No prob, seongwoo’s got you

He’d come over with a bag of hot cheetos, a 6-pack of dr. pepper, and popsicle he bought from some ghetto vendor down the street

“i heard you slamming your head against your textbook from across the wall so i thought i’d come help”

Whenever he was sick of his job at his college’s campus cafe and wanted to go home, you’d call his phone and act like you were his dying relative

So his boss would let him go home early

And MOVIE NIGHTS

Every friday you guys have a ritual where you alternate between crashing at each other’s place and watching a movie until you both fall asleep

To cool off from the stress of being poor, tired students

But sometimes you guys argue over what movies you want to watch

Or what you guys eat as a snack

“bitch you picked the movie last week now give me the remote before i feed your house keys to the neighbor’s cat”

BUT IN THE END YOU GUYS ALWAYS HELP EACH OTHER OUT

Like you could knock on his door at 2AM just to rant

And he would let you in and feed you stale poptarts until you calmed down

Or you guys will do face masks together and do some EXTREME pore cleansing while watching reality tv shows

The only thing you guys can’t depend on each other for though is food

One time you barged into seongwoo’s place and begged, “i’m out of food please help i really can’t adult today”

And he’d laugh at you and say, “you know the funny thing about this is that you ACTUALLY think i can cook,” as he pulls out ramen cups out of his cupboard

and oh boy y’all are just really cute n friendly neighbors that help each other out 

#wanna one #ong seongwoo #seongwoo #wanna one seongwoo #wanna one scenario #wanna one imagine #wanna one imagines #wanna one fanfic #wanna one scenarios #wanna one ong seongwoo #ong seongwoo scenarios #ong seongwoo imagine #produce 101 #produce 101 season 2 #produce 101 seongwoo #produce 101 scenario #produce 101 imagine #produce 101 au #wanna one au #everyong

[awesomeminiaturestudentfire]

I don't hate you nor do I wanna say that I want nothing to do with you but we’re going down a really bad path, our communication is disgusting and this whole thing has been exhausting overall. Im just annoyed that you never bothered to look at my perspective. You said all these things about wanting to make things work and giving it your all but you literally found a mistake or issue and then you easily gave up. You’re never going to be able to move on or continue long term relationships if you act like this. Just because issues arise and you tell someone how you feel, doesn't mean its not genuine anymore. No one is a mind reader, nor does anyone enter a relationship or have a thing with someone knowing exactly what you should fucking do. It’s a learning process, where it gives both of you a chance to constanly grow and understand each other. You may unintentionally hurt someone but If you continue to do the same thing, intentionally knowing its going to hurt the person next time, that's considered disrespectful. IF I treated you the way you treated me, I promise you- I would've stopped talking to you the night you told asked me if “I go around talking dirty to a lot of guys,” or telling me that you’re a mental thot etc. when we were at cardinal. But instead, I let you know how I felt about your statement, and once I saw your reaction, I chose to move forward with the issue. But you asking “dumb questions” isn't a valid excuse for your behaviour cause you questioned MY character when I hadn't given you a reason too. “Being genuine,” has to do with doing things from the bottom of your heart or a sincere action. When you went and got an iced coffee for me after work knowing id been craving one, that was genuine and super sweet because it showed that you actually cared. When I sent that video of me at the house party, which I sent to everyone because my streaks were dying and I didn't wanna snap my face, I wasn't aware of how upset you would've been. You still hold on to that and refuse to understand that I wasn’t intentionally being disrespectful. I always used snapchat as way to communicate with you because it was much easier and even though we weren't on the best terms during that time, I tried to show you and let you know where I was. You clearly weren't happy with my actions and asked that you’d rather have received a text. I noticed that you still refuse to understand where I was coming from, and continue to state how I should've just texted you instead. But since then we've stopped talking and I don't feel the need to let you know about my whereabouts anymore. You don't even care to understand how or why I approached things and instead you continue to hold a grudge for things that occur unintentionally. But Anyways, You shouldn’t have to ask someone to cut down their “partying lifestyle,” once they’re in a relationship with you because you either end up spending more time together, you go out together and do different activities or mostly end up partying together as well. But our situation was completely different. I could understand where you’re coming from if you and I were both in Brampton and I would constantly go clubbing every weekend without you and not care to even spend time with you. But student life here is literally a shit show. You tell me how there's club events and that you can easily go w your friends back home, but you guys chose to stay home and have “movie nights.” That’s cute to hear and all, but you don't LIVE with your friends. I do. We stay up till 4 am having deep talks, we have our game nights, we stay home study together, do nothing sometimes ALL week long. All i have is literally my roommates and sometimes im all alone w no one to talk too. I literally explained how Waterloo is so fucking boring and depressing and that's why people chose to party a lot, especially because that's how the community has been set up.There are more clubs and bars here than anything else. There are people that go to Phils and Brixton every week or every other week because they’re looking for some sort of outlet. You find it odd that people go out on a school night, but “Wednesdays are for Phils,” and Thursday are brixton nights, because that's the norm in Waterloo. When I said you don't have time for clubbing, I meant to say that you have better things to do. You have your family that you get to see everyday, you can drive around to way better places, you can visit your friends and go out and you can come home to dinner set on the table for you. The reason why I hate Waterloo is because it literally reaks of sex, drugs or clubbing. Reason why I don't mind clubbing now though is because my roommates made it fun. You didn't come to Waterloo nor did you wait to see how things would settle down after September. Instead you bottled everything inside and quickly exploded and judged me as a person. I have never gone to a club and danced on a guy. Even when I was single, I would only dance on gurleen when guys would approach us. When I was talking to you, regardless of the state of mind I was in, I was aware of who I was with and always had my back covered. Im claustrophobic af so I can't be in small spaces for too long and dancing on guys has never been my thing LOL. I love dancing like a drunk uncle at a wedding w my roommates in the emptier side which is why its tolerable. That’s why I always tell you there's better things that we could’ve done in Waterloo other than going to Phils because I would be too awkward to dance w you and you’d probably get second hand embarrassment of how I dance LMAO. I’ve never gone to a club w my significant other and I think there's way better ways to spend quality time but that doesn't mean I wasn't open to doing it w you. Even in the summer, I could have touched up clubs but geenu and I went on long drives, ate at nice restaurants, went on bike rides, did Zumba every week etc. If I was that obsessed with partying, I would go that extra mile cause I could've slept over at gurleens anytime. But I don't care, Instead I chose to go the extra mile for you and even stay past 4am out of my fkn house to hang out with you the first day we actually started talking. Thats why its upsetting because I thought you actually understood how I was. You told me, you didn't like when people drunk called you, especially cause your ex would say a lot of rude shit to you. When I drunk called you, I told you how I felt about you but  with more of an exaggerated depth. I was in a room full of people, intoxicated but you were the one person I was thinking about. Even when I was sober, I would still do that. But when you told me you didn't like that, I haven't drunk called or texted you after that because I respected your decision. If you bring up an issue with me, I always try my best to see things from your perspective because Im trying to understand why you feel that way and how we can both find a solution. IF I agree with you its because I realize that you have a valid point, NOT because im trying to make you happy, cause that’s honestly really draining. You said something along the lines of how you need A good girl, lmaoooo my bad for not being good enough :) Just because someone drinks or smokes or even goes out a lot regardless of it being clubbing or wherever it doesn't make them a good or bad person. Most of the rappers you listen to are out here doing coke and hardcore drugs. How come they’re not bad people? Connor Mcgregor and Nav post pics of them w blunts in their hand. But you still look up to them?! Your friends smoke weed and probably drink, and somehow you don't see the bad in them? And don't say its because you’re not dating them because this is a topic about being a “good or bad person,”  They still play a huge role in your life and you’re constantly with them. If anything, How you treat people and what you do for people, especially those who can do nothing for you says something more about your character. I don't smoke anymore but you had the audacity to say that im not a “good girl,” because I was high at a concert LOL. It makes me laugh because when we first started talking, you were either getting drunk often or going out a lot but the funny thing is that I never judged you. In fact, I understood why you were acting the way you did. The first time you messaged me, you were drunk and high. You had a beer and went to go watch slenderman at the movie theatre. You came drunk to bowling. I easily could’ve judged you and avoided you but I know what its like to not be happy with your current reality and always look for escapes because im constantly doing that especially in Waterloo. I used to do it OFTEN w drinking and smoking but I found better people who uplifted me and eventually worked on creating better habits. If I treated you the way you treated me, I wouldn't have decided to become your friend or even think about wanting to talk to you. I understand you stopped doing those things once we became serious but when I came back to Waterloo- I was still in a bad place but eventually cut down on my bad habits as well. Your first impression wasn't good, nor would have been right of me to judge you for you’re actions cause I didn't know what you were going through. Ive come to the realization that I want someone who I can be best friends with and isn't constantly judging me or more concerned about what people have to say about me. You may have good intentions but I don't think you come off as a “good person,” if you’re constantly being self righteous and judgemental. FYI Im a simple person, and even though I don't constantly wear branded clothes or feel the need to constantly buy new shoes, doesn't mean im a fob. You being materialistic doesn't make you any better. In fact, nothing is ever gonna be good enough for you and you’re constantly going to want more and better things and you’re gonna find yourself doing that w people as well. How do you listen to J Cole and not take in what he says????? Love yourz, chaining day????  LMAO anyways, I was tired of bottling things up and thats why im letting you know how I feel. Im not trying to fix things nor am I trying to change your mind because im okay with the decision you made. It sucks cause I saw a lot of potential and thought you would be more open minded, but its okay. You're right to chose your own path and im glad you did because at least you’re focusing on yourself. You don't have to respond to my paragraph above because honestly I just wanted to get that shit off my chest. I’ve been wanting to give your jersey back cause you probably regret giving it LOL and it just gives me a constant reminder of you, but I don't appreciate how weird or how long you take to respond to someone who is making time for you. We may not be on the same level as we used to be, but it doesn't mean you can't respond within 1 business day

[malamelodies]

addiction

what a crazy reality addiction is. it can transform a person’s state of being to such intense hunger. as if all considerations or views of what it will cause in the near future completely dissipate. it really is quite impressive on its own account, how our brain can take over our motor and heart skills because of a chemical. whether it be sex, alcohol, cocaine, opium, heroin... the wanting it so bad, takes over the brain and actions and words. horse vision, so i call it.

i suppose love can be like that too.. when i person can become obsessed about obtaining a certain feeling from someone else. 

so, its easy to see it when we’re out of it. but what happens when we’re in the midst of it. or even so, right infront of it. im referencing to drugs in these details, but for metaphorical sake, i feel like i could easily apply that to desire in a person as well. when this person is right infront of me, or if a drug of seduction is infront of the other. and we know its bad... then how do we use our soul skill to learn how to say no.

i see people who have gone through AA: when the addiction was enough for them to go ‘okay, wow, i need help’ and for years down the line, to be able to go to a bar, or be around others who are partying with other substances, and them be completely at peace with it. it’s really beautiful. and i’ve also attended AA meetings as a special guest, and i feel like... those meetings arent for everyone. sitting around talking about stories of addiction... wouldn’t that, to some, reinvite feelings that one to trying to grow out of? 

its so beautiful, and so complicated, how we are all so incredibly unique in our way of relating to ourselves. maybe one can grow out of this by being incredibly physical and sweat often to realize what a gem of a body, a temple, we carry. perhaps its meditation, to sit and acknowldge the levels of darkness as well as the serenity we create and embody when we chose to sit with the silence. perhaps its intense community outreach: taking dance classes or even partaking in a play, where you in an accountability of being ‘needed’. 

i think, what i see in this, is routine. by creating a routine of self love, then these habits of addiction... almost what seems as a ritual of addiction, subsides, because there is a finding of a greater meaning beyond the scope of our only perspective. 

its so hard... addiction is real. substance capturing is real. even when one hasnt done it for years... that ‘oh ill just do it once’, mentality. it doesnt work. it means you’re still addiction. you’re still a prisoner to something that doesnt give a fuck about you. that doesnt care if you die or live. because its poison. i think to get through addiction, possibly creating a relationship with it. to see it, and what it’s done in a positive as well as negative light, and then to let it be. subjectively. these words are so easy to write, but in action. 

i mean, my aunt for example, she has been smoking tobacco for however long, and no matter how much help she got, or pressure or judgement, she kept doing it. because, well, it was and is her battle. then one day, surprisingly enough, when she went to the doctor and got a little dose of ‘holy fuck im killing myself’ mentality. she stopped. she just... stopped. and now its been... 3 years? since she last smoked tobacco. she still has the crutch of ganja.. but this is monumental. and she decided to do it. no one else pushed her. she decided on her own. 

so when i have a love ones, who is addicted to opium and heroin... i can’t help them. whatever i say or do, doesnt matter. i think what i can do, is tell them that i dont hold judgement. that i love them no matter what. and that it does hurt to see them, not so much in the midst of them doing it:that first hour or so... but in the DAYS to come. the hours after: seeing their body convulse as they try to sleep, or their eyes roll in the back of their head, or hearing the random words come out of their mouth... its a world im so unfamiliar with personally. and im grateful for that. but it does hurt. it doesnt hurt me in the way it hurts my feelings. but it hurts because i feel their soul crying. a little dramatic... more so... i feel their nervous system screaming ‘what the fuuuuuuck is going on’ then the immune and mental and everything else for days to come are panting and exhausted. 

its crazy, too, how the skin around the eyes get all red and puffy and sensitive. i never realized what a tall tale sign that was until i saw it to a dear one. like ‘oooOOooo’ and now, especially in the city, i fucking see it everywhere. its like getting stoned for the first time and experiencing the glazy eyes and now i have ‘stoner vision’.... now i have ‘heroin vision’...? aka awareness. 

and when is see it on others, or see it with ones i know. i dont feel sorry for them. i dont feel judgements. or resentment. i just feel an extra little ‘umph’ of wanting to send love. showing support can be a tricky game. how do i show support of their life while not enabling them, or, my fear, scaring them into fear of not sharing what they are going through. 

i was lied too the other night. about the state of a human. i knew it was happening and they kept saying ‘no’ even though i asked on so many different terms. smoked, swallowed...  denial. i think that is what hurts the most. or the realization the most. that even when i show no judgements, they still feel the need to hide it. not even from me, from themselves. so then, i become the platform of holding space while they come to terms of how they are hiding it from themselves. what a fucking roll. i didnt know i had this kind of strength and i dont really know how to maneuver through not taking it personally while also not feeling drained. but today: i found everything they said... almost not true. its crazy being lied too.... how it shifts our ‘fight or flight’ mode to protection. 

so in the midst of it all, and in this moment, im realizing what i shared in the beginning is also so incredibly important for ones who are also supporting the loved ones who are encountering addiction. how do i become less drained? meditation. sweat. accountability from other healthy souls who i do trust their words; even if its light hearted strangers whose shadows i dont know. and by doing that, i see myself, while ensuring that i can continue to hold space for those who mean so much to me. and i know deep down that i also mean a lot to them. perhaps i will be forgotten and i’ll just be a stepping stone of the path of realization, or even a path of destruction. alas, at least i know i’ve been pono. and sincere. and genuine. although i have been lied too, and i find myself attitude is a little sarcastic. im still here. genuine and compassionate and enthusiastic and hopeful. 

i ended up not driving home tonight... my keys were locked away, unable to get too, and here i am. still away from home. im ready to go home.. but i think im ready to go home because i want to feel taken care of by others. and have a chance to just be with me. i trust myself. i appreciate that the humans i surround myself with are healthy and clean. where i can just... be.. and also have responsibility. and as i’m writing this; im so grateful for the time spent here too... its just.. it comes in huge surprises. i guess addiction cant really be planned out. but damn, all of a sudden i feel like im carrying an elephant. a sweet beautiful elephant, whom i adore. but i keep finding this deep need of ‘wanting to be taken care of’. what does that mean? being shown appreciation? but then thats asking for something. wanting a present of acknowledgement. then i’m asking for attention. maybe thats why i want to go home... but people; strangers and friends, desire to plan things and gift things because they feel like it. there is no weight or expectation. and i desire to not show that towards one who is going through it. it almost feels like i need to mask it. so then comes the sarcasm. but fuck, i get torn down too, my emotional stability, and i do want to be held and praised. but not in this set up. not in this state. in one that is healthy. and sweet. if it even happens. the letter may never come. the song may never be written. but i do know that it meant something, and maybe, just maybe, it helped this person live a longer for fruitful life. 

and now, in the smoky air, i step outside to smoke. ha. addictions. 

*rolls eyes*

thanks livejournal. ;-) its sweet to be able to write with no boundaries for myself and my soul to be honest with the world and reality around me.