#and how could I not... he has such a good aura about him 😪♡

[chelleisamazing]

I try to be stone cold and dismissive about my feelings, but the truth is... I miss him. Most of all, I miss the day-to-day, ordinary conversations we had. I miss his long, rambly voicenotes and the out-of the blue, random pictures he would send me. I miss how easy it was to be friends... and I want to think he misses me too. I know he's watching me. I don't know why he won't talk to me though, or if he expects me to talk to him first. Did he get bored? Did he realize it's not worth the trouble? Does he think I'm mad at him? Or is he mad at me? He seemed okay the last day we talked... there was tension, of course, but apart from that, we were moving on from the awkwardness of our weekend together... Is he ashamed of what happened? Of how everything didn't turn out how we expected it? I want to tell him he shouldn't be... it wasn't his fault. I see him watching me, and I wonder if he cares; if he ever cared. I also feel dumb because I probably cared more than he ever did (and still do), but it used to feel real-- our friendship. I really felt we had turned into good friends. Of course, I didn't expect to talk everyday, all-day; everyone gets bored of that... but I wish we could just check in with each other at least, once in a while, without feeling like something stings in my chest... I want to think he knows how bad I feel, not knowing about him. After all the things he said to me, and I said to him, I hope at least someday I get an explanation; some kind of continuation... or closure.

#something happened and I got triggered 🥲 #not like i dont think about him at least once a day already but you get it #i know i mentioned before i only wanted to f*ck lol but guess i got too attached this time #and how could I not... he has such a good aura about him 😪♡ #but... he's a man after all... #i shouldve expected the worse #funny thing is now I just miss the way we got along 🥲 #and i have friends here too but i could talk with him in a way i cant to anyone else #and that sound sad but my point is #it was just different-- a good different. #huge sigh #i honestly feel like falling in love... this time preferably with a girl 🥲 #please gawd #personal post #stuff