#and dont get me started on the fucking disgusting vocabulary that's used to talk about ''smart kids'' as nebulous of a concept that is

[anaalnathrakhs]

if i might rationalize my previous struggles and feelings of inadequacy a little more, basically everything i've learned is:

1)People will compliment and hype me up on principle, bc I did something smart in the past, even when I'm actively failing

(unmistakable, type

"I did nothing this schoolyear"

"Oh no don't say that you're doing plenty enough"

"No, literally, I havent opened the package with the textbooks and clocked zero assignements."

"You're not giving yourself enough credit!"

and that wasn't because i was being self-flagellating or something, just stating it, trying to share my struggles)

2) Any attempt at being realistic and measured and/or not a huge self-aggrandizing asshat about good results is being treated as if I'm a poor sad little baby who doesn't even know how genius I am. Poor little baby without self-esteem. You're soooooo much better than everyone else you should be soooooo proud.

Which is sweet I guess, but completely misguided. And not very helpful for trying to set ambitious but reasonable expectations for myself.

3) In general, every time I express I'm struggling with either understanding the material, or making myself work correctly, it's met with "but you're soooooooo smart" SHUT UP good memory for trivia is not a skill transferrable to everything and anything. No attempt at meeting me halfway, just instant supposition that this is a self-esteem problem and what I really need is being reassured that I'm actually effortlessly smart, obviously, why would I ever be anything else. The most reassuring perspective in the entire world of course.

End result, I have no idea what to think of my results, and I don't even care any way. I mean. I die inside if I'm not top of the class 20/20 above the class average in every possible metric, but at the same time I don't even feel anything. Vague creeping sense of disappointment whatever happens.

Most people I've talked to about my results before seem to think it's perfectly fine to base my current self-esteem and expectations on being designated the GOAT of elementary school bc the teachers saw I read big books and didn't know how to manage a probably neurodivergent kid. When actually I struggled with many aspects of schoolwork and many subjects.

So. I don't know. All of my friends we call each other stupid. It's a much easier baseline to live up to.

#and dont get me started on the fucking disgusting vocabulary that's used to talk about ''smart kids'' as nebulous of a concept that is #the Officially smart kids. certified so. #like i had never thought about it but the fucking contempt there is in ''gifted kid'' #for every kid who is and every kid who isn't #all sunshine and rainbows amirite #broadcasting my misery #vent

[haeresys-realm]

Please DON'T READ IT if you simp her. Because this is mg blog and I can tell what I want to tell (and I forbidden to show everyone everywhere my massages to say – look my jackals how stupid and wrong this man is; I'm really tired of contemporary childish manners and no aim to education. And yes, everything I will say will sounds stupid because I have a pooer English vocabulary and grammar, so, please, if you can correct it, do ut, but dont to correct my further opinions and try to say shit about me) and there will be my first reaction of all this shit happened in spite I thought I was ready for it. But every time it gets worse than I expected. I can't bear it, really.

... because unfortunately she was the reason I started to hate this game. All I've written before was because a year ago it was leaked she is the 4th. Now she and her pathetic pathos that was just taken from other character model is forced so much that I can't see anything but childish praising for such a trivial cliched character.

It is so funnuly because she behaves ABSOLUTELY LIKE THE DOCTOR. As if he was her REAL FATHER AHAHAHA.

And after that this idiots on developpers say this!?

https://youtu.be/SycnWxUMvpU?si=fINqhY0EyT5JJw5l

I guess the author of this cringe deleted my most emotional comment for my canonical pointing out that this is an illogical delirium.

And I'm absolutely horrified of what a shit character they made of her. Just a stupid good-mommy with sad fate who got everything from nowhere. There's no reason she could live so well with such a "curse". There's no reason she would be forgiven. They said she's insane cursed child – no, she's just an absolutely fanservice character for nowadays teen girls and nothing else. Absolutely nowaday-teengirl-fanservice character.

Arlecchino is just a female fanservice mommy character of the so-called strong woman with bad fate. It's disgusting how hoyo uses this image to attract teen girls to this character. And this empty cliche really works.

How idiotically stupid should this little girl be to threaten a GOD. Dottore power lvl can't be even compared with her. Kusanali said he is God-leveled and she isn't EVEN a rival to him. I really feel sick of what a shit these idiots on game developers made with characters and harbingers now just to show stupid children cliched black and white morality that doesn't work in life and what made us all (adults especially) feel too boring while watching it agaaaain and agaaain. I never were so dissapointed in this game. The worst character for me ever.

The girl with Mary Sue powers from nowhere tells she could kill a 500 years old genius who made himself a god who can defeat archons. But children say they like it and respect her. I have no words. If you want the science to improve and new developments work on people you SHOULD TEST IT ON THEM WHETHER YOUR LIKE IF OR NOT. And if there are people the society don't need it is the only way to do, ESPECIALLY when we are talking about JUST A GAME. Fuck. This is not just boring, it's the worst scenario it could be. Some girl killed a Harbinger when she couldn't. And everyone just forgave her and gave highest rank and trust. Just because children wanted to see a mommy character with manly outfit, strict character and transgender nickname. The woman can't be a father. Live with this information. And good luck in your mental evolution, because there's no way for degradation if supporting such a cringe and see no strange things and insane idiotism in it.

Because I know how inadequate the childish community for whom it was done are I know that soon there will be plenty of so-called "arts" with Arlecchino humiliating Dottore, dominating him, etc, and he, perverted as a character, crying and begging for mercy as Furina. I really feel too sick of all of this disrespectful attitude to canonical images and characters stories and core. Bur now I'm afraid the so-called contemporary developers are doing the same shit. They are not much smarter than these teens because they have chosen not to improve their concepts but to make a fanservice primitive shit instead of it.

And you can think what you want but if there are her lickers everywhere, you shall know that there's another point of view and if you're not that dumb and mind-limited child you shall listen to the alternative side and accept it's existence. Don't answer me if you want to say some shit about me just because you feel offence for your waifu. I warned you before you read. Have a nice day.

P.S. The moment of sudden faith in humanity. I must mark it.

#dottore #arlecchino #genshin impact

[zuffer-weird-girl]

May I request where Haru mom is out of prison I guess. Like she try to take Haru back till she sees overhaul s/o with the kids along with haru. This is where she goes with her plan and try to stalk them. Surprisingly haru mom took Overhaul s/o and Haru and things got ugly. So kaito and kin run back home and tell them what happen. I'll let you decide how things end n.n

Jesus Christ you want TWO KILLING MACHINES in here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You could won a trophy at your abilities of maintaining three kids from the yakusa as perfect little angels... even if sometimes they weren't.

Especially the two older ones... Kaito and Haru.

Both being the exact same copies as your husband and Kurono it was quite difficult to control them, but miracles existed. Because these two adored you.

Today you offered to look after them while Chisaki and Kurono were dealing with some things. Both seemed to be hesitant about it, but they were really too busy to argue.

Especially Hari, since he was a single parent and didn't exactly have anyone to take care of his daughter while busy...

Kai of course had to send a body guard, his paranoia was too strong, to accompany you and the kids to the park... a park.

You honestly were already used to it but still bothered it sometimes...

"Look mommy there is a playground on there!" Kaito pointed while Kin gasped in awe.

"Can we go? Can we go?" Your little girl tugged on your shirt, begging with golden shiny eyes.

"Alright. Go have fun!" You exclaimed before you noticed that Haru hadn't moved a muscle. "Ne Haru-chan? Not going?"

"Uh.. yeah is just that... I wanted to talk with you for a moment mrs Chisaki."

You looked in concern at the girl but nodded anyways, looking at the guard and calling for him, asking if he could look at your kids for a moment.

"Its a pleasure looking at Overhaul's kids madam." The guy bowed before following two dark brow haired little deviants.

"So?" Ýou crouched up to be in eye level with her and smiled "What's on your head?"

"N-Nothing much!" She waved her hands before smiling shyly "Is just that I've been thinking on asking something. Kaito is always calling my dad his uncle... so is fair if I want to call you a aunt?"

"... sweety you can call me whatever you want and I would be grateful." You said normally making her giggle.

Seing her reaction was rare but extremely worth it, after all that she's been through, you couldn't budge it. Only fell a extreme pity and concern for Kurono...

"So there are you." A woman voice spoked and those grey eyes of Haru went wide in horror, looking at the figurine behind you.

You took a peak behind you and all of your body tensed at seing the so familiar woman that tormented Kurono's and the intere yakusa's lifes for months... you remember the rage and disgust on your husband's face at having to deal with 'Chrono's mess' as he referred.

You got up quickly and stayed in front of Haru.

"May I help you miss?" You asked coldly whiel she only scoffed.

"I'm here for my daughter bitch. Go bother someone else." Haru gasped before blurting out what she shouldn't have.

"You don't have the right to speak with boss's wife like that!" She placed her hands on her mouth immediately and looked up at you apologetically.

"Ah." The woman cooed darkly before extending her hand threateningly "So I am getting what I had fought for in the end at last... how much will that husband of yours and that arrow haired man bastard will pay to have you two back?"

She used her quirk on both you and Haru and before you could black out you yelled at the kids to run, to get their Chrono and Overhaul... even despite having Haru on your side.

You heard yells before you completly blacked out...

Not this again...

~

"So they're finally going leave us at peace." Chrono sighed in relief as he lowered his mask down amwhile Chisaki checked numbly his phone.

No messages... weird. He told you to send at least one.

"Is my daughter ok?" Chrono asked while looking at his childhood friend, hidding his concern.

Before he could even answer the yells and cries of both his kids startled both of them, Chisaki immediately looking and noticing your absence.

"DAD! IT HAPPENED! " Kaito cried while holding a hysterical crying Kin in his arms.

"What happened?" He growled before kneeling on the ground while Chrono widened his eyes in horror at seing the desperates pleas of forgiveness of the precept.

"THERE WAS A WOMAN THAT TOOK MOMMY AND HARU AWAY!" Kaito cried desperately.

Chrono swore he almost broked his gun with his deadly grip while Kai's eyes went dark as his vision went red.

"... you two go to your rooms and stay in there. Irinaka or Nemoto will be soon on there." He said, calm but still his wrath was evident on his voice. "Now. Kaito, it's a order."

The kid nodded, trying to not just wail in tears like.his three years old sister was doing it.

"M-Mastwr I am deeply sor-"

"I gave you one job. And you failed miserably..." he growled in the most powerful and threatening voice, making the guys shiver in fear.

Chisaki and Kurono walked past him while Kai mumbled angrily that he would deal with him later.

Not many minutes he received a call, demanding some money for the rescue. Chrono eyes went dark as he clenched his jaw in pure hatred at recognizing the voice.

"Count the seconds wrench." Was what Chisaki told her before ending the call, and grabbing his jacket while stepping out of the house with a fuming Hari behind him.

"Please tell me I am allowed to beat the shit out of that prostitute." Chrono growled while placing his mask back on and adjusting his gun.

"Do what you wish." He said, no caring that his gloves were already overhauled.

~

"I guess he only uses you for fucking, isn't that right missy?" She said while lifting her nose up in arrogance.

"Can you watch your vocabulary at leas?" You groaned while trying to calm down the little white haired girl "It's your own daughter in here for Christ's sake. Don't you have a heart?"

The woman laughed bitterly nefore standing uo from her chair and acting her quirk.

"This little shit, was the only thing that could grant me a better future, even if I never loved that men, he was quite good on his experiences and it was even a sweetheart but please-!" She laughed while pointing at you "We are only seeking for one thing to have those two as company right friend? Their power, their money... their glory."

You scoffed "Is this what is all about? Jesus Christ dont ever compare me with you. You're sick."

You cringed whem you noticed that you had used the exact same words as your husband but shrugged off shortly after... it was true after all.

"You think you're soo powerful and the naddest bitch of them all just because you were lucky to get the leader, right?" She grabbed one knife close to her and started to walk towards you "Tic toc for that husband and friend of his."

"... I woild actually recommend.that you didn't did that. For your own good actually." You said suddenly, making the woman laugh in sarcasm.

"Or what? I know you're quirkless so you can't exactly do mu-" she yelped before dodging one arrow coming at her upper arm.

"I warned you." You sighed before you felt the ground trembling as a wave of concrete threw you in the air while Haru on the other.

You yelped at first but immediately relaxed at falling to those comforting arms you were so used to by now.

"Angel, you're okay?" He whispered close to your ear, not even once daring to let go or ease up his hold on you.

The woman tried to grab Haru but ghis time she was shoted on the shoulder as well as a arrow sucefully cutted her left cheek, lefting her like a statue, falling miserably to the ground.

"HARU!" Chrono shouted as he went to his daughter and holded her close to his chest.

"Papa I'm so sorry!" She whimpered on his white hoddie as she cling to him "It was my fault! I told her that mrs (Y/N) was the boss's wife a-and she got the upper hand on-"

"Its not your damn fault ok? You weren't the one who asked for tjis to happen." He picked her up and walked towards you and Kai... not before stopping by a few centimeters away from the woman and whispering to his daughter to cover her ears.

"I shot you with the longest one..." he growled , staring at her dead in the eyes "Not satisfied with the prison? Congrats, because now you will just bleed until you die in this fucking basement." He walked towards you two, Chisaki letting you down bit still holding onto your waist.

"Take her outside for a bit for me? It will not take much." You looked aprehensive at him before looking at your husband.

In his face sayed absolutely nothing, only in his eyes that you could so well read it, was hinted the extreme rage, hatred and the 'I want this person to suffer until they're dead', while he slowly nodded and pushed you with his hand on your lower back outside.

You immediately covered Haru's ears while Chisaki covres yours when the sounds of a gun were echoed.

Hari got out shortly after and thanked both you and Chisaki before scooping his daughter up in his arms.

"No longer she will haunt us flower. That's for sure." He whispered to her after waiting for you two to go in the front.

You felt Kai's eyes on you, checking for any possible injuries but you only assured him with a sweet 'thank you' as you leaned your head against his chest.

You knew that by the way he didn't scoffed heartily at you but instead enveloped his arms to put you close, you weren't getting out of the Shie Hassaikai's house without his AND HIS ONLY company...

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #bnha au #bnha ocs #kaito and kin #kaito chisaki #kaito baby boi #kaito #kin chisaki #haru kurono #my writings #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha #bnha oc #bnha imagines #zuffer writings

[holydepths-blog]

✩ watergate :3

this took too fucking long

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? i feel like emma cos she’s more angry dramatic and he’s more emo dramatic but i was also gonna say he probably should to accomodate for his heightWho threatens to leave but never actually does? neither of them, they’ve both left one another repeatedly. Who actually keeps their word and leaves? both of them, see above. Who trashes the house? i don’t think either of them … i can’t see him ever doing it but if he did she would kick his ass things need to be NEAT Do either of them get physical? basement gate tease ! but no … it’s soft ….  that’s been erased from my memory … they’re emo not violent  How often do they argue/disagree? all the time but about #dumb shit nowadays … used to be more serious but now? you like chocolate ice cream better? … idiot  Who is the first to apologise? if they had a penny for every time mickey has apologised to her both of them could quit their low salary jobs and move to france 

Sex:

Who is on top? bold of u to assume they aren’t both switches Who is on the bottom? ^Who has the strangest desires? Any kinks? mind ur fucking business … snuggling is a kink Who’s dominant in bed? i don’t think dominant has ever been in either of their vocabulary where’s the john mulaney gif abt soup in the lap … regaurdless … probably he has to be she’s babyIs head ever in the equation? she suck the dick for free and mickey is a good boy, he knows how to go down on a womf If so, who is better at performing it? i don’t know how sex works is it easier to eat thrussy or suck a dick … they both try the only thing that matters is that once he said she was better at sex than [ redacted ] Ever had sex in public? private public … like not dressing room public but like, romantic lookout in a car public … hope no coppers come 2 shine their flashlight Who moans the most? idk if this is my sexism or my lesbian but women should, legally, be required to moan more than menWho leaves the most marks? he better swallow his masculinity and get used to concealer but i feel like that wld not be an issue for him, king ! he can’t borrow hers though it won’t match Who screams the loudest? WHO YELLSWho is the more experienced of the two? mickey. fucking duh. Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? they make love :3Rough or soft? soft … unlike his penis How long do they usually last? haha 8 seconds joe goldberg tease? idk how long sex even lasts in general …. solidly average is my guess Is protection used? he better wrap it before he taps it my girl cannot afford plan b . so yesDoes it ever get boring? not …. boring but ….. consistent. when emma gets too drunk she asks odette for sex advice bc she doesn’t want to bore ickey Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? nowhere is strange if ur brave enough.

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? …. yes ….If so, how many children do your muses want/have? she wants 27 children actually but literally anything from 1-30 will suffice …. they need a lot of help on his inevitable farm Who is the favorite parent? mickey is the fun parent so u already know who it is Who is the authoritative parent? REMEMBER the clip i sent u from the marky mark movie … she’s always the bad guy until he gets #fedup and he has to remind her that she’s not doing it this time AJSDKF Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? honeslty both of them unless emma hoards all the candy … selfish  Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? both of them they make fucking SIGNS …. its a little league game u dont need to paint the football stripes on ur faceWho goes to parent teacher interviews? they both go but mickey is better at them because emma always goes into teacher mode and tries to talk about Who changes the diapers? mickey does he’s a NURSE he is not grossed out , she is . baby poop is rank Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? where tf is that gifset from prison break when u need it … she does but only because she hates diapers and it’s only fair to pop a tiddie out every night for ur kid in exchangeWho spends the most time with the children? ummmm FAMILY FUN NIGHT x Who packs their lunch boxes?Who gives their children ‘the talk’? mickey he is obligated as a medical professional she don’t teach sex ed …. Who cleans up after the kids? emma but only because she’s a neat freak Who worries the most? both of them try to pretend they’re VERY cool and nonchalant and this is actually very easy until one of them cracks (probably her) and they both worry together constantly . solidarity babey ! ….. moreso her tho u cannot change my mind Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? auntie odette change my mind we said FUCK watergate lives , emdette rise 

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? both of them …. constntly …. disgusting Who is the little spoon? [ jake peralta vc ] everyone likes to be the little spoon, it makes them feel safe ! LOOK HERE buddy …. he is and i dont take questions , even when he was 10 ft Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? can he fucking keep his hands AWF …. thats coming from me not emma she appreciates it Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? both of them …. its CONSTANT … hand on the shoulder , touching someone’s back as u walk past …. SOFT ! n then the one gif  u sent from superstore where amy slaps jonah’s ass that’s emma How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?  they actually fall asleep cuddling and wake up complaining abt falling asleep in a uncomfortable position… shut up abt ur back pain ur not 80 Who gives the most kisses? KISS kisses …. he. but know … she’s always kissing him on the cheek What is their favourite non-sexual activity? this is gonna sound g*y as hell but stay with me here ………. just being in the same place , even when they’re doing diff stuff . TOGETHERNESS …. vomit time Where is their favourite place to cuddle? the couch , i retract my statement about them not being 80 they actually fall asleep watching tv Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? casually ? she … to actually initiate eye emoji ? he How often do they get time to themselves? all the time , they know 2 other people 

Sleeping:

Who snores? he does im hcing this for ur own character If both do, who snores the loudest? she doesn’t SNORE she’s a lady Do they share a bed or sleep separately? they’ve been in 200 different stages of relationship ……. OTHER than depending on that , she sleeps better w him there :3If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? they start far apart cos she’s a blanket hog but she always ends up next 2 him Who talks in their sleep? she mumbles sometimes ….. its nothing coherent What do they wear to bed? she owns 47 different stupid size xxxxxxxl shirts that were 2 bucks  from walmart and wears only that . i bet mickey owns a bathrobe, bourgeois pig … Are either of your muses insomniacs? idk she reads a chapter of whatever dumb shit she’s reading and has tea or wine and conks out ….. idk his business Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? idk abt taking them and ik its not the point but shes anal retentive abt keeping medicine in the medicine cabinet so THERE BETTER NOT BE Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? AS I SAID … they start out on opposite sides of the beg and end up more tangled than tangled (20whatever) Who wakes up with bed hair? his hair is floofy ,,,, Who wakes up first? i feel like that depends on his shifts …. she wakes up at the same damn time every week day …. weekends though she sleeps in for 10 yrs so him Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? emma tries and he has to leave bed anyway because the fire alarm goes off  What is their favourite sleeping position? she prefers it when she has all the blankets Who hogs the sheets? she does Do they set an alarm each night? they have JOBS does she look like pippa to u Can a television be found in their bedroom? yes so she can cry over dumb rom coms over somewhere other than the couch …… he’s invested in them , change my mind Who has nightmares? i already know ur about to say he does so im calling the cops on u end of story Who has ridiculous dreams? all of emma’s dreams are indistinguishable from bad acid trips Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? she sleeps in the fetal position he seems like a sprawler …..Who makes the bed? emma …. its gotta be CLEAN and if he ever says “why make it we’re just gonna sleep there again” its on SIGHT What time is bed time? whenever she passes out , always before midnight , considering they’re 72Any routines/rituals before bed? i bet they brush their teeth at the same time to see who can do it faster like they’re five year olds …. or that gifset from new girl where he’s like “ u read my walking dead fanfic ? ”Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? emma takes three cups of coffee to be able to be her CHIPPER self …. 

Work:

Who is the busiest? she has like a 6 hour work day so he for sure Who rakes in the highest income? i just googled nurses versus preschool teachers and he makes twice what she does …. laughs nervously …. glad she’s going back 2 school but elementary teachers STILL make less …. mr talbot got COIN ! Are any of your muses unemployed? no , freeloading is ILLEGAL Who takes the most sick days? i feel like the two worst jobs to go into sick are a literal hospital with immunocompromised people and a preschool with toddlers who dont wash their hands …. equal maybe Who is more likely to turn up late to work? despite her original beef with odette in the apocalypse verse emma is NEVER late to work Who sucks up to their boss? she cooks dinner , a nice LASAGNA for whoever to heat up and mickey has to break it to her that making whoever her superior is eat what tastes like glue will in fact , damage their relationship What are their jobs? hes a nursey  boy …. shes a teacher Who stresses the most? about life in general? her. about work? probably him. he’s dealing with LIVES she’s got the alphabet Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? they better they aren’t getting paid enough to hate it Are your muses financially stable? they’re not rich but they’re not dying and that’s what matters 

Home:

Who does the washing? emma because it relaxes her Who takes out the trash? he better , she does not like to  LOOK at things once they are thrown out … its smelly Who does the ironing? neither of them have ironed anything in their lives Who does the cooking? HE HAS TO IDC if he isn’t fuckign gordon ramsay she’ll kill them Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? emma Who is messier? if he leaves a single sock on the floor he is automatically messier than her Who leaves the toilet roll empty? that’s satanic neither of them Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? he does …. its just not REALISTIC that she does Who forgets to flush the toilet? that’s gross ……hopefully neither ….. DISGOSTEING.mp4Who is the prankster around the house? anything STUPID is hers and hers alone but i feel like he’d do something relatively innocent and it would go HORRIBLY wrong like , hey emma come get y’all juice ….Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? despite being organized in every other aspect of her life emma has never kept track of keys in her life its a disease Who mows the lawn? he does , he shld do it shirtless so she can objectify him Who answers the telephone? mickey, she truly stares at it hoping it’ll go away Who does the vacuuming? emmaWho does the groceries? she would make HORRIBLE decisions ,,, he shld make the list and she shld get it Who takes the longest to shower? no sexism but she’s a girl Who spends the most time in the bathroom? see above 

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem? yES like … they can afford groceries , make rent , but for literally every american except jeff bezos money is a problem in some area . this isn’t a hc just a capitalist hellscape How many cars do they own? two …. neither of them are very nice cars Do they own their home or do they rent? rent unless/until he gets the farm of his dreams Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? countryside thats where FARMS are … but like rn , coast cos there’s the ocean in town Do they live in the city or in the country? see above bbgDo they enjoy their surroundings? the goats of the future and the noisy neighbors of the current and past eras both leave something to be desired , but in general yes What’s their song? not to go all modern au but remember when stereo hearts was on their 2011 mixtape AJSKDF …. issa bop and its arguably the most cutesy singable on the playlist What do they do when they’re away from each other? bitch idk ? exist as human beings ?Where did they first meet? idk she probably met him for coffee or sum before moving in together to make sure he wasn’t a serial killer How did they first meet? they were roommates … oh my god they were roommates …. she prolly put an ad in the paper very lucky she did not get murdered x Who spends the most money when out shopping? i feel like neither of them are big spenders but her sticker and colored pen budget is larger than it should be Who’s more likely to flash their assets? i thought this was talking about tits for a second but im assuming mone ? they keep it humble Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? they both do , bullying one another is a bonding experience Any mental issues? more than you know my guy Who’s terrified of bugs? if she sees a SPIDER she floors it , but she releases most other bugs …. he better kill anything w 8 legs tho Who kills the spiders around the house? mickey , as described above wow im psychic Their favourite place? they can make any place work together … gay but true , just like me Who pays the bills? she has a special binder just for taxes Do they have any fears for their future? all the fears actually Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? she cannot cook but she has 10/10 ordered takeout , put it on plates and been like :the happy version of the pensive emoji yk the one: i cooked it while the reciept is still on the counter Who uses up all of the hot water? thats very selfish she wld never but she also showers first bc she doesn’t trust him not to ….. Who’s the tallest? they , in american , are the SAME HEIGHT ,,, fuck centimeters Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?Who wanders around in their underwear? clothes are oppressive let them both do it coward Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? it probably turns into a competition until they’re both singing at the top of their lungs …. omg watergate you’re gonna burst a vocal cord oh my god they can’t hear us they have airpods in What do they tease each other about? literally everything …. one of them BREAHTES wrong and the other is like “ ah didnt realise the asthma express was in town “ Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? mickey literally dresses like the fresh prince so u already answered that for me Do they have mutual friends? can the real jack detler please stand up Who crushed first? she ……. did not immediately fall in love with him let me tell u , it took her some solid MONTHS to realise she was in deep for his bitch ass Any alcohol or substance related problems? i wld hope not , #stubie twWho is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? them , together , for getting kicked out of the bar for singing Who swears the most? neither ? 

#vampiresmiled #004. emma / phillips » all posts. #006. emma / phillips » featuring mikhail.

[winterywitch]

anyway heres a summary of my discourse beliefves:

cishet aces/aros do not belong in gay spaces, bi spaces, lesbian spaces or trans spaces

for me my whole life the LGBT community has been more than that. my perspective is not that of some sad brainwashed child, forced into being more ~tolerant~ than i should be. i genuinely believe and have always believed the LGBT community is more than that, and im not just gonna drop that anytime soon, because i dont think the right to only consider the LGBT community as for “SGA and trans” people is liberation.

therefore cishet aces/aros belong in ace/aro spaces, which for me, count as LGBT.

but not gay, bi, lesbian or trans spaces.

there will be overlap because they are LGBT. but no, cishet aces/aros should have no claim to anything specifically for the L, G, B or T of the community.

for me the community is

Lesbians

Gay men

Bisexuals [SGA or not - as an SGA bi person, i get to speak on this.

Pansexuals

Trans people

Nonbinary people [counting agender, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc. non-cis, non-binary identities]

Intersex people (of course should they want to - the point of this list isn't YOU HAVE TO BE LGBT it's You Can Be Included)

Queer people [anyone who isn't cis or isn't het, including aroace people. non sga bi people im a little iffy on re: them 'reclaiming' queer]

Allies [i think this is important for people in the closet, as long as we dont let cishets get too big for their britches]

Aroaces

and hell, here’s a + to include anything i might have forgotten

aroaces are not functionally cishet.

straight privilege is straight privilege. it isnt not-homophobia privilege. to experience straight privilege you must be straight.

they definitely benefit from not experiencing homophobia. they can be absolute dumbasses abt homophobia for that exact reason.

but they dont experience straight privilege, because they’re not straight. that is all straight privilege has ever meant for me in my LGBT community.

cishet aces are cishet, and also aces. this means they benefit from cis privilege and straight privilege, but aphobia weighs down that straight privilege because they dont perform straightness in the Right way. i dont believe this necessarily makes them systemically oppressed the same way we are. but i dont believe aro or ace identities are privileged either.

there is no coherent Ace Community boogieman that is unanimously a bunch of homophobic, transphobic, racist jackasses, and if you believe that, you are a complete dumbass

yeah, the ace community is comprised of white cishets but, im gonna wager even more commonly, its comprised of literally every LGBT identity and race you can imagine. the ace community is not the white cishet community. it’s the community of everyone who IDs as ace or aro. this is not white cishets as a rule, as a majority, or even half the time.

that being said, inclusionists can say some stupid, shortsighted shit sometimes that is completely ignorant of LGBT history/oppression. i dont agree with the implications that i dont stand for every single thing they say and will not be held accountable for every single thing they say.

similarly, unless you wanna be held accountable for every single thing your side says/does before being allowed to call us out, uh, dont expect the same of us. the onus for this is on exclusionists, i have been around long enough to know you guys started this one. it is up to you guys to start being decent on that one, and then we’ll follow suit. those of us who dont are jackasses.

you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their abuse or rape took place. that is called gaslighting, and no, you don’t get to throw a fit when someone calls this what it is. when you call a rape/abuse survivor an annoying disgusting freak for daring to talk about why their rape/abuse happened (since they factually know why it happened and you dont) and then proceed to insist that your headcanon of their trauma is the correct interpretation and theirs is not because theyre a filthy cishet ace (which they rarely are), that is quite literally the definition of gaslighting. and hey, don’t do it.

you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their parents forced them into Therapy Specifically Designed To Convert Them Away From Asexuality (which may have a more efficient, shorter name). you dont know how that therapy worked or how the therapist worked because you werent there. you dont know that it was only because of homophobia so therefore this person has no right to claim their own trauma.

not everyone you hate is a cishet ace. don’t call people cishet aces unless you know for a fact they are cishet aces. i imagine you wouldnt want to call a trans lesbian a cishet, which exclusionists have done too many times for me to count. your platform should not be “you said something stupid and harmful, youre a cishet ace,” it should be “you said something stupid and harmful, end of statement.”

for some reason this is a controversial point in some discourse circles, but no one owes you sex. your partners don’t owe you sex. relationships do not equal sex. relationships do not even equal romantic love. relationships are a decision between multiple people on closer emotional intimacy.

if romantic and sexual aspects of a relationship are necessary for you, that’s understandable and okay! but you aren’t OWED that. people don’t need to out themselves as aro or ace for you. people dont need to feel pressured to give you anything they dont want to give. and you dont need to stay in relationships that dont make you happy.

allosexual privilege is not real. no one but white cishet men are 100% celebrated and privileged for experiencing sexual attraction. even white cishet women are oppressed for their attraction in many ways, and repressed from early childhood - so you can imagine how absolutely horrific sex-based oppression is for the LGBT community. we are not celebrated for sexual attraction, we are treated like we are dirty, and we are sexual predators.

WITHIN THE COMMUNITY, yeah, sometimes we are definitely, blatantly favored over aces, and people run around saying asexuality is unnatural, and sexual attraction is what makes us human. this is harmful and damaging, and it shouldn’t happen. i dont consider it systemic oppression and it definitely does not make allosexual privilege a thing.

calling people allosexuals is not something i condone. its not comparable to “cis” as a label, because cis people are an actual oppressor class towards trans people - non-ace LGBP folks are not towards ace people.

intracommunity bigotry is real and it is traumatic. people devalue it constantly and pretend it’s just a slap on the wrist, but it is an absolutely traumatic thing to have to face every day of your life. but it isnt the same as OPPRESSION, and we dont have to conflate the two concepts for intracommunity bigotry to be treated with the seriousness it deserves.

similarly, dont call people REGs unless they are not only aphobes but also truscum or TERFs. i also personally dont really believe in equating aphobes with truscum/TERFs but i dont believe in silencing trans people who openly talk about the similarities, either.

dont call people AERFs unless youre a trans woman holy shit

as someone who was directly affected by the truscum discourse when it happened [not debatable, by the way], this is pretty much recycled truscum discourse in my eyes. you dont need to lecture me on how its not.

just because someone on the “other side” called something you did ableist, misogynist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc., does not mean you get to shut your eyes and plug your ears. ESPECIALLY if you are part of a privileged class relevant to that accusation. for example as a white exclusionist you dont get to ignore the concerns of inclusionists of color or lecture them on the racism of the ace community. for example as a cis inclusionist [or honestly, even just a non-trans-woman inclusionist] you dont get to ignore the concerns of trans exclusionist women or lecture them on the similarities between TERFs and exclusionists.

“aspec” is not exclusively for the autistic community and i have NEVER seen claims that it was until ace discourse started. thats transparent as fuck to me and youre not fooling anyone. dont just make shit up lmfao

jokes about how Oh Lol Cringe aces inherently are, arent funny especially considering how many of these Jokes are steeped in anti-autistic ableism

idk when this happened but recently ableist jokes are the new Hot Topic of Comedy and thats like, mind-numbingly bad

i dont care what side youre on, IF YOU ARE USING THINGS LIKE FICTIONAL CP/PEDOPHILIC SHIPS/INCEST/RAPE CONTENT TO COPE WITH YOUR TRAUMA, YOU BETTER BE DOING THAT SHIT IN PRIVATE, ONLY SHARING IT WITH LIKE-MINDED, ADULT SURVIVORS, AND NEVER LETTING THAT CONTENT CIRCULATE OUTSIDE OF THAT GROUP. end of story. no ifs, ands or buts about it. speaking as a survivor who uses stuff like this to cope, being a survivor does not give you a free pass to, inadvertently or not, contribute to the pedophilia and circulation of grooming material on the internet. it is your RESPONSIBILITY as a survivor to not continue that cycle. if you avoid that responsibility, you have no right to play victim or pull the “im a survivor ;-;” card when people call you out on this.

educating kids on asexuality is not pedophilia, grooming or sexual abuse. jesus christ lmfao you dont have to assume people word it in a way thats inappropriate or predatory just because theyre pro-ace. kids NEED label/identity options, they are discovering who they are and without a label that fits for them, theyll likely feel like shit. let them have their labels. knowing about asexuality might greatly improve their life if it fits them!

for this reason, stop being weird about mogai labels/trying to ���ban” them from everyone’s vocabulary/trying to turn them into some Cringe Joke that is only about Cishets Trying To Be Special. they didn’t fuck over EVERYONE.

inclusionists, in advising kids and questioning people who ask you for answers, be more open-ended. the insistence of “oh youre not a lesbian you’re a quioromantic demi-homosexual!” without also making it ok to just be a lesbian is what hurt and confused so many people on their journey to discovering their identity and its why they resent the whole mogai thing, fairly so. make it okay to just be a lesbian, or just be gay, or just be bi, or just be trans, while letting people know their other, more specific options.

asexuality is not an NSFW or TMI orientation

ace headcanons arent INHERENTLY homophobic, racist or ableist. they absolutely can be and ive seen that shit with my Own Two Eyes [pure innocent baby ace autistic papyrus headcanons back in the undertale fandom (shudders)], but they are not INHERENTLY so.

headcanons for characters with marginalized identity labels that arent identical to the ones you headcanon that character with are not oppression. and you dont get to police this shit as if its factually wrong

absolutely zero sexual interactions with minors ever, thanks!

trying to Bother The Pure Aceys by talking about sex is unacceptable

posting bullshit in ace positivity tags is unacceptable

stop calling people doing nothing but talking about their experiences “freaks”???

dont engage in the whole Oh There Are Valid Identities And There Are Special Snowflake Identities thing its not a very good look

biphobia is its own thing independent of homophobia

biphobia perpetuated within the community isnt necessarily systemic oppression but its traumatic and wrong and shouldnt be treated like some Lol Cringe Joke

you cant just say UM THAT LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENS???? when someone calls your side out on shit lgfkhghgfh especially when it literally does, all the damn time

ace [IRL person, whether or a celebrity or god forbid a flat out bigot] moodboards arent funny

you shouldnt agree to sex that you as an ace person dont want in a situation that you can control if the sex happens or not, but the pressure to provide sex to a non-ace partner is very real. stop blaming ace ppl for that pressure lol speaking as a victim of coercive sexual abuse, you cannot blame the one who didnt want it, even if they COULD have spoken up.

you’re not a bad person for wanting sex if your ace partner doesn’t. there is nothing immoral about not being ace. you just dont get to have sex anyway and you arent owed it if you are set on this committed, monogamous relationship - if sex is a big deal to you, you need to leave that relationship or work out an open situation.

laughing off peoples’ experiences as The Discourse is completely unacceptable, it encourages people to shut up and never analyze themselves and their identities

its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the ace character is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their non-ace partner

similarly its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the non-ace partner is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their ace partner

you dont get to tell people “ok you identify as heteroflexible but ACTUALLY you’re [insert identity]” literally ever, i understand the concern with people using “safe” identity labels to avoid facing their LGBT identities but acting on that concern in that way is not concern, its concern-trolling and its not fuckin okay.

legitimizing your own identity by delegitimizing the identities of others is bad

DO NOT, AND I REPEAT, DO NOT, BLANKET-TERM PEOPLE AS QUEER, LITERALLY EVER. DONT DO IT

DONT FUCKIN DO IT!!!!! NOT EVERYONE HAS RECLAIMED THAT SLUR, AND IT IS 100% A SLUR ON TOP OF BEING A CULTURE WITHIN THE COMMUNITY

JESUSS CHRIST DONT FUCKIGN DO IT!!!! WHEN YOU REFERENCE THE QUEER COMMUNITY YOU BETTER ONLY MEAN PPL WHO CALL THEMSELVES QUEER AND HAVE RECLAIMED IT/ARE PART OF THAT SUBCULTURE

we need more nonsexual, non-alcoholic spaces for LGBT folk that are safe for minors, trauma survivors and ace people, but thats not our fault, the prevalence of sexual and alcoholic spaces exists because we were literally not allowed to exist anywhere else until very, VERY recently, and even now it’s a Barely thing

you cant tell someone their experiences didnt happen like my god

we think ace discourse is about more than cishets because exclusionists make it about asexuality as a whole. you guys cant make it about more than cishets and then be like But Ok It’s Just About Cishets You IRrational Crazies?? :/

yes self harm through exposing oneself to the discourse tag is possible, no it’s not funny, no it’s not just ~cishets~doing that, triggers are not exclusive to PTSD survivors, shut the actual fuck up

you dont have any room to comment on the validity of quasiplatonic relationships if you’re not in one, most of the time you guys complaining about them and saying theyre Special Snowflake Things dont actually know what they are. mind your own business lol let people live

if youre not intersex, you dont get to tell people that the intersex community doesnt wanna consider itself LGBT, so they are wrong for saying intersex people are allowed to consider themselves LGBT. youre not being a good ally. sit down, shut up and let intersex people talk amongst themselves.

[to be added to at some point im sure]

asexuals STOLE dragons from CHILDREN to make themselves seem PURE AND INNOCENT, the MONSTERS

#discourse tag

[paradoxnbstuff]

okay so i need to talk about this for a minute

because usually i can find some shit about this on youtube or a transition blog somewhere but i cant for some reason this time? and its one of those difficult things to think about that I’ve been putting off for like years. so. anyways. top surgery stuff.

so first of all I have this habit of mine that’s taken a while and lot of shit to notice. it was probably a left over from growing up with my abusive dad and trying to survive that. but basically I’m very good at putting something aside in my head and so thoroughly convincing myself it’s not something that’s bugging me (subconsciously) that when it comes time to actually think about it I legitimately cannot tell how I feel about it. I’m talking about sitting and thinking about it for hours, plus research, and actively taking stock of my reactions as they happen to try to just. logically deduce what’s actually going on in my brain based on physical symptoms of emotional reactions I can’t actually feel. and obviously anyone can see how that would be incredibly useful in a situation like my parents where I had no choice in the matter for 18 years, and i could either constantly wallow in misery and agony and hurt and stress and confusion and terror at just living in my house 24/7, or i could section it off. and create like. a new baseline for myself. ex my baseline became that state and then went up or down based on negative or ‘positive’ things that happened from that baseline. looking at it objectively it was all obviously still horrible and stressful and traumatizing but i wouldn’t have been able to get through it if I was consciously aware of that the whole time. So that’s where that developed.

But weird backstory aside this has carried over to certain things in my life on my own since I moved out too. It’s why it took me so long to figure out gender shit and why I still haven’t figured out my sexuality even though I don’t lack the vocabulary or even really experience to. it’s affected my relationships with people, but I’ve been practically religious about trying to make sure I identify it when it happens and dedicating a lot of time and thought to unraveling whatever’s going on and stopping it, because fuck that I refuse to let it mess with the people I care about. There’s certain markers but it’s not like most things where you experience negative emotions and there’s a natural pathway from point a to point b. the markers are me having to stop and look at the past few months or longer and pick out patterns of times when i acted illogically in similar way, and cross ref it to see if it came with a feeling of abstractness where i couldn’t identify what emotions i was feeling. but like. its like trying to identify nothing. anger or happiness or w/e is easy like hey im feeling that but trying to notice when you’re feeling nothing or something unquantifiable? much fucking harder. and the trigger for me to start wondering if something is going on is when it starts to impact my quality of life negatively in some way. so. a really fucking stupidly difficult logical approach to untangle some very complicated emotions. which is sadly necessary.

so that’s the method I use to realize when this is happening. hasn’t really gotten any easier but i can do it i guess. and this is what’s happening now with me and top surgery? it happened with the decision to start testosterone, (’but im happy with how i look and sound!’ god no ur not u fucking disaster ur brain just didn’t want you to be miserable 24/7 and tricked you into thinking u were) and i think it’s the same thing with this. but i don’t. know??? for sure???? so I’m having to figure out this incredibly difficult and emotional decision with only purely factual patterns to go on and my emotions, which im not sure are fake or not, plaguing me every step of the way. so im just gonna fucking write em down and hope it helps.

fact 1: i never wear a bra. ever. it’s always either a binder or binder-adjacent like a sports bra. it’s been like that for 3 ish years now and it’s not stopping any time soon. i’m violently uncomfortable wearing a bra. 

fact 2: i dont like touching my chest or nipples. (tmi ish warning w/e) when I’m having sexual relations with another person im again, violently uncomfortable with the other person touching my chest. i will repeatedly redirect or say no if they start to with absolutely no doubt about it.

fact 3: i don’t like wearing tight clothing if i can’t bind. when I go to the gym and work out I wear a sports bra and wearing tshirts that show that fuckin. again feel nearly ill.

fact 4: i don’t mind seeing my chest in the mirror? like. I have/had a lot of dysphoria about my body, specifically my hips and the kinda hourglass dip in between ribs and hips and the way e gives fat distribution around the upper hips around the waist and thighs and butt. that’s mostly gone now due to a combination of T and working out, but I still don’t mind seeing my chest in the mirror. that’s possibly because I’m literally like 3/4 of an A cup at max but. yknow. this is also one of those things that is COMPLETELY based on feelings. and it feels suspiciously like when I’m trying to gauge my reaction and get ‘yeah I feel neutral about this actually’ but is really just very skillful repression. and I can’t tell. so. that’s great. it is a subjective fact, as opposed to the previous 3. 

fact 5: if i stretch my arms up it looks like i have a flat chest (bc i i have like no boobs to begin with) and the reaction I get to that is a definite. reaction. it’s an adrenaline based one. but another issue i’m working on is i can’t tell the difference between happy excited adrenaline and panic adrenaline and therefore when i feel happy excited about something i start fear panicking instead and it sucks but yknow. so I get an adrenaline thrill. that I can’t identify as fear or excitement. so that’s. there? fuck

fact 6: i’m not male. I figured that out a long time ago but it’s become important again recently that I am n o t a trans man. I’m solidly nonbinary. T was and is the right decision for me. So is building muscle. So is my decision now to grow out my hair again. So is my clothing that is decidedly not masculine fairly often and my makeup (that can be either to help with the masc or just to make me feel hot, or feminine sometimes). But this is something that’s....like. It would make me look a lot more masculine. like a lot. like it would be looking in the mirror and seeing that (without the big scars you see a lot underneath, i wouldn’t have that) and I don’t know if that’s something I want. but at the same time, that’s what I want to look like in clothes. I don’t fucking know.

fact 7: i know there’s probably some underlying fear in there of like societally ingrained disgust for non-cis bodies. and I know for a fact I’m attractive as a feminine person. and doing this means that I’m committing myself to a permanent non-cis state. I’m in no way saying there’s anything actually wrong with that, I’m saying that I know there’s things in the way I’ve been raised that inherently shy away from that still. It’s not something I want and it’s something I have to deal with but it probably is playing a part in my fear in this.

fact 8: currently, my main reason for tentatively starting the application process is my health. I love being active and healthy and exercising and I know that binding long term hurts your ribs and lungs, and I also know that I’m not going to stop binding any time soon if I don’t have top surgery. And getting it just for health reasons is a perfectly valid reason to do it. And if I am actually neutral about my chest and not just tricking myself? I’m totally happy with this being the deciding factor.  

anyways. yeah. the problem with dismantling a mental block you’ve set up for yourself is it involves actively unlocking self hatred and pain that you can’t put back in the box once you’ve opened it until it’s dealt with. so there isn’t a ton of incentive to. ngl it didn’t happen with testosterone fully until after I’d been on it for a few months and realized how fucking desperately I needed this to be happening. but I don’t think that’s how I want it to go with top surgery. I want to know before I go through with it what I’m feeling and what I want. and it is. VERY fucking difficult. god. yeah. anyways. that’s where I’m at. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#im trying my best gdi #three cheers for trauma and trying to fucking cognitive behavioural therapy yourself bc ur broke #but anyways uh #yeah #i dont know #honestly any thoughts on this from an outside perspective are welcome #because it will probably help me figure out what im feeling no matter what the question is either way #god #i need. idk what i need.