#and being aspec can feel like having the same kind of....gaps. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justanotherhh · 1 month

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aspec headcanons for some hazbin hotel characters (minus alastor, cos that's canon babey)

charlie: allo-ace and bi, potentially leaning on demi-ace in her sex neutrality, but overall really not that interested in sex, beyond how it functions as a partner bonding activity. hasn't actually had sex before vaggie, not because she hasn't had offers -- this is hell after all, sex negativity isn't necessarily the problem -- but because she hasn't been in a relationship she deeply cared about and felt that safe in

vaggie: romance favourable aroallo lesbian, however has to unlearn internal sex negativity after previous bad relationships + some of heaven's more hypocritical ideas about what sex constitutes, and so being with charlie is a good way to slowly explore her attraction. more kinky than she would admit to... yet....

on the whole both of them fit into gaps around each other, and their relationship simply works because they believe in one another -- vaggie becomes attached first, when charlie patches her up, and then charlie, especially when vaggie becomes the biggest fighter for the hotel. that's the structure of their relationship, and the rest can be talked about. vaggie knows how important romance is to charlie and doesn't mind that being a part of their dynamic in the same way she'll join in on the hotel bonding exercises even though they're not really "her thing," and the two of them have sex as a way of being close (and at some point maybe they'll open up their minds to the fact that there's no bond as strong as that forged in bondage...)

niffty: aroallo het. also very kinky, very much the domme in any situation. this wasn't necessarily true while she was alive in practice, but it was in her heart. unfortunately hasn't had much opportunity to put it into practice in hell either, yet, due to being, well, on the far end of the terrifying scale. one of the reasons she and alastor get on so well is that they understand that their ways of relating to people are so different to the norm that they end up somewhere next to each other, even though he's repulsed and she very much isn't. still, they're in hell, someone should get that girl sub, stat! (some kinda big, scary-lookin guy for her to punish ideally)

sir pentious: token allo straight ally ✌ reads all of the literature once he discovers it's a thing. knows more about this than any of the others, even though it doesn't apply to him

cherri bomb: aroallo bi, likes sex, and also likes being swept off her feet, it's just she's too used by now to nobody making a damn effort. she's not romance repulsed, but she's not about to embark on a monogamous romantic relationship with anyone. she likes that someone would be into her romantically, as long as they don't get weird about it. the rituals of romance are fun, someone taking her out for dinner, treating her like she's someone special, not just like a one-night stand, but she's not giving up the one-night stands either. or the orgies! still, nice to have a familiar couple of dicks to return to

husk: i believe the word of god says pan, so let's run with that. on the aspec front my guy has loooooooow sex drive on the whole, and sexual isn't the kind of attraction that he understands in general, but secretly longs for a deeply romantic relationship of some kind, something out of an austen book or a knight in shining armor type myth. you know the kind: he takes the hand of his suitor and almost kisses it, but not quite, wining and dining, perchance even... cuddles..... (if sex is involved he might get with the programme, but it's not something he needs or initiates. this has made it difficult for him to get into relationships in the past)

angel dust: gay and on a spectrum of aspec that is trauma-informed, but also complicated by being naturally hypersexual. doesn't connect sex to attraction, and doesn't feel sexual attraction, so much as sex is a means to an end (scratching an itch, entertainment, power, work, intimacy although it's been awhile since that's been put into practise, etc). not sexually monogamous, and has no idea if he'd be into monogamy romantically either. in fact, is not sure if he is alloromantic, because there's no precedence that isn't related to power and control. may need a whole new kind of language for whatever relationships he'd form (not just with husk, but generally with the hotel gang) that lie outside of the structures he knows

that being said, all he wants is someone treating him gently, whatever kind of relationship that relates to

valentino: aroallo pan, but youknow. evil about it. could just be fucking left right and centre without making it such a big hassle for everyone else, but noooooo he has to go and own their souls too and make things difficult for them, and it's not just because owning souls is good business, he likes the ownership itself. that's part of the kink. does have favourite types of dynamics, in particular likes weird powerplays, whether or not he's topping or bottoming in them

vox: allo grey-ace bi. but evil about it. falls desperately in love and then becomes obsessive and possessive forever over that person, whether or not it turns to hate along the way. val had better watch out he never gets on vox' bad side... angel is already on thin ice simply for being one of val's favourites (RIP). that being said vox isn't really in it for the sex. he's in it for the power. and then every once in awhile he's in it for the sex (but only if it's got power involved). gets deeply weird about it all in a way that signals to everyone that it's a "once in a blue moon vox really wants to fuck val" time, so they can get out of the building sharpish in case it involves disemboweling an employee as foreplay

all of this is why voxval aren't a couple, aren't friends, but a secret, third thing (evil about it)

velvette: aroace, and not evil about it. she's just evil in other ways. honestly think she and alastor could get on in a different afterlife. she's not repulsed, she's simply strongly disinterested and somewhat annoyed with how much space all of this seems to take in everyone's heads to one extent or another. sort of a classic aroace in the way people in the past might have said "she was simply too busy for Romance," and yeah, she is busy, but if she wasn't she'd do literally anything else than get involved with any of *waves hands* that whole thing, just because it does seem to remove everyone's braincells -- she does write most of the voxval smut though. sometimes watches back videos of them going at it. just those two though, that asexual study-like-a-bug fascination. does she get off to it? that's her secret. okay so maybe a little evil about it

carmilla: aroallo (i wanna say bi, considering her and vaggie's tension), but not practising RIP. zestial would in a heartbeat, but she is unfortunately too busy, and not in the "aroace" coding kind of way, she just is. she's got two kids and an arms-business and millions of souls and potential heavenly invasion to think about! but yeah, she might feel more relaxed if she were to read his signs...

lucifer: alloace (bi?), but like. in a "i fucked your ex-wives" bragging rights kind of way. like yeah, he did that, but that's because he'll simp for a beautiful woman, not because he's particularly looking for sex. he'd be happy doing literally anything for a hot woman. big sub praise kink energy. (and this is why lucifer and adam could never have sex without a third-party dom/me involved -- what're two subs gonna do RIP?)

adam: lol, ok idk what would be funnier. alloace? aroallo? aroace? grey? demi? whatever says "talks a big game, but actually wouldn't know what to do with the whole thing if he had the chance, and hasn't had sex since eve left him, and that was kind of a lot of pressure being the only two humans and all, and like, was god watching all that, anyway, yeah ive had sex ive had all the sex (with one woman, missionary style because god might have been watching), did i do a good job, was that okay, of course it was, im not self-conscious about that, i fuckn love vaginas, yeah i can spell that word, can you spell uh, deeznuts, because that's what humanity came from babey, and now i never have to do it again, wait i didn't mean that last bit, anyway... where was i? do you think lucifer was better at sex than me?" -- whatever that is

lute: aroallo lesbian (and evil about it, but she's been indoctrinated, maybe she can chill out one day, we'll see). no, whatever she and vaggie had going on, i feel like it was incredibly toxic, did they have sex? didn't they have sex? did they have whatever a homoerotic subtextual sexual scene would look like? like when you watch those macho soldier movies and one of them is bullying the other into submission and there's a veneer of sweat and shame over the whole thing and close-ups of writhing muscles, but they never appear to have actual sex onscreen... that but with lesbian angels. lute is not over vaggie not submitting to her/her choosing to be in a (spits) "romantic" relationship (with a demon)

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nekropsii · 2 years

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(The aro/ace who sent the ask about asexuality. I found you answer quite compelling and I wanted to add some stuff, if it’s fine.)

I totally agree with how aromanticism and asexuality are very personal concepts, and I really like how y’all decided to make the representation yourselves acknowledging that. When you have only one type of asexual anything, it’s really difficult to realize you could be that and still be different!

(I also think that’s a problem that homestuck classpects tend to have, as we don’t have many examples of each… that’s not our topic for today. Sorry.)

Note: ‘Loveless’ actually shows a character that’s allosexual and aromantic! (Bisexual, especifically, if I’m remembering correctly. Bear in mind that she’s not a main character, so we don’t know a lot about her.) Another character is a gay asexual though, and they’re quite important!

Yeah! A lot of the Aspec representation is kinda… Same-y? Usually a sex repulsed Asexual, and almost always also some level of Aromantic because… Usually, it’s written by Allos, and there’s this running undercurrent not of “they’re just like that,” but of “you can’t have a relationship without sex.” It blows- there’s more out there than that!

Not to mention, from what I’ve seen, the character… Has a pretty high chance of not being human. It tends to have some solidarity with Autistic representation in that right- you’ve got about a 50/50 chance of it being, like, a robot. Robots are fucking awesome and all, I love robots, but it’s hard to ignore that they’re inhuman, and often seen as cold and unfeeling. There’s that inherent vibe off the bat with it being a robot that “normal humans aren’t like this,” and it doesn’t feel very nice.

It’s called a spectrum for a reason, but it’s never treated like one. It’s kinda like how most Nonbinary characters in media are Agender, and that’s… About it. Popular media isn’t great at representing the diversity of human identity a lot of the time. You’ve got your cookie cutter, easy to swallow example, with a tiny bit of wiggle room in execution, and boom, that’s all you get, get the damn cameras rolling.

Smaller creators like ourselves have to fill in the gaps. Like, hey, if it’s representation we want to see more often, how will people know it wants to be seen if it’s not made? It may not be the greatest piece of literature in the world, but even tiny things like one-shot fanfictions can have an effect on people, so we hope it compels at least just one person, whenever it comes out. :)

(Very interested in what you have to say about Classpects in this regard! It’s definitely one of those things where the execution of it is dependent on the character’s moral code, circumstances, goals, and personality. It’s kind of like how each Link in The Legend of Zelda is really different from each other! Feel free to shoot me an ask about that if you wanna ramble.)

(Also, regarding Loveless: That’s really, really neat! I’ll definitely be looking into it. Those kinds of things really do affect your dynamics with other people, and I’m intrigued to see how it gets executed…)

#always happy to see an ask from you soup #you’re an MVP #homestuck #asexuality #aromanticism #nekro.sms

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thedreadvampy · 3 years

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Please stop describing aroace as not wanting or seeking out a romantic/sexual relationship. The terms describe attraction, not behavior, and this is something that has been discussed and explained to exhaustion by aroace communities. I have personally also pursued relationships because I thought I wanted that kind of relationship, and too many people try to say that means I’m not really aroace. I have aroace friends who are in sexual and/or romantic relationships.

I’m not angry at you, I know you don’t intend to cause harm, and I generally agree with your thoughts on how Martin is characterized, but I am so, so tired of people who aren’t aroace telling us who we are, how we feel, and how we behave. There are so many easily-accessible resources and explanations about asexuality and aromanticism with respect to relationships, and I urge you do some research if you feel the need to define us.

I don’t mind if you don’t reply to this. It’s the sort of conversation I would rather have privately, but I’ve seen and experienced too much harassment targeting asexual identities to feel safe going off anon.

No I'm not going to stop doing that because my feeling on this is based specifically on conversations raised by and led by my aroace friends and loved ones. as in this is a frustration that a lot of people in my life who are aroace have repeatedly expressed - that there's no space to express clearly and unambiguously that you're Not Wanting Sex And Relationships because the linguistic space is slipping for that. and they've talked a lot specifically about how that's led to them feeling more pressured to push themselves into sex or relationships, or having to constantly explain and defend their space even within aspec communities. and that's a problem. not that people who want or might want sex and romance but consider themselves broadly asexual or aromatic exist, but that with the semantic drift around aroace, there's not really a term which unambiguously expresses that that's not something they do want.

Action is not the same as desire - having had or wanted a relationship doesn't mean anything for whether you're "actually" aro or ace, any more than having dated men in the past means you're not "actually" a lesbian. comphet is a hell of a situation. I'm not splitting hairs about attraction vs behaviour - I'm talking about desire versus lack of desire.

Yes, fine, good, you can act for a lot of reasons, only some of which are genuinely held desire (trust me I know this). I'm not debating that. I'm saying that the space that's shrunk away in contemporary aspec language is a term which unambiguously means "a person who does not have a desire to have sex or relationships."

In this example, Martin spends much of the story expressing desire for a monogamous romantic relationship and nothing in his story arc, his actions, his dialogue or his fears seem to imply that that's motivated by anything other than a genuinely held desire to have a relationship with a man he is into. He's not aroace in the same way he's not a trans lesbian like. yes he could be being led by common drivers - compulsory sexuality, the desire for emotional closeness, the confusion of working out which feeling's what, only knowing how to navigate relationships through a certain lens, etc - and yes he absolutely could be either of those things, but ultimately there's nothing in the text to support that conclusion as is. He is not written as aroace, and in terms of material questions like 'what assumptions do people make about you and what's a justified assumption to make' the two things that matter when it comes to "X is/is not [identity]" are:

what do they outwardly identify as

how do they behave and what desires do they experience and express

like you are absolutely right that it's shitty for people to try and tell you you're not aroace if you are. people know their own identities best. I'm talking about group terminology that's sufficiently materialist to make sense.

like when someone says they're aroace what are appropriate assumptions to make? that this is someone who doesn't want sex or romantic relationships in and of itself, surely? that sex and romance are either low priority or actively not wanted? that they're not likely to be open to attempts to initiate sex or romance, and that their rejection of that isn't personal? that they may prefer long-term to not have a partner and that not having a partner isn't a source of great pain and loneliness and doesn't indicate an unmet need?

like that's what the term means. a term boundaries a set of basic assumptions. that doesn't mean nobody in that group can then turn around and say 'actually I am sad I don't have a partner' or 'actually I think I do want to try a relationship with you' or 'actually it's very validating when people flirt with me'.

similarly like an assumption it's reasonable to make about bisexual people, and an assumption that's embedded in the term, is 'is interested in sex or romance with people of multiple genders.' that doesn't mean I can't be bisexual and also have a complex relationship to what if any sexual or romantic desires I have and why. but it means that if I'm talking about bisexual people, I'm expecting you to join me in the assumption that yes we're talking about People Who Experience Multiple Gender Attraction. sexuality is messy and complicated let's not get it twisted. saying 'this is what the word means' doesn't remove the existence of complex experiences of self and of desire. but what the implied meaning of a word is matters and people were and are acting as if the implied meaning of 'aroace' has nothing to do with inherent desire for sex and romance which seems to me to leave a pretty substantial communication gap.

as I said in the tags - is there a more unambiguous word for 'people who are explicitly uninterested in romance and sex' than aroace? what is it? what is the word that's meant to go there? because THAT IS AN IMPORTANT THING TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS UNAMBIGUOUSLY. and it doesn't mean I'm looking for a word that means 'has never for any reason pursued or experienced romance or sex' which I feel is how you're characterising what I'm saying (and I get that this is a triggering topic with a lot of baggage for a lot of people so I absolutely get why you're reacting as if that's what I'm saying). nor does it mean I'm looking for a word that means '100% gold star virgin who's never dated or had a sexy thought.' it means I'm looking for a word that means 'is uninterested in sex and romance' to describe a reason why somebody might choose to not have relationships, or to not have sex, or might have no sexual or romantic history through choice. key word might. but the fact is every time somebody uses aroace as a descriptor of 'reasons why people may choose not to have relationships' people end up 'correcting' them to say 'some aroace people have relationships' which is. kind of irrelevant to the point. some lesbians are married to men (comphet, changing sense of self, marriages of convenience, lavender marriages etc) but when I say 'she doesn't want to date him because she's a lesbian' we understand what the common understanding of lesbian is.

ultimately idk how to end this post. my point in the original post wasn't 'nobody who's aroace has experience of sex or relationships' but 'aroaceness is a reasonable reason why someone might not have had sex or relationships' and my point in the tags you're objecting to isn't 'aroace as a term should only include people who would never consent to sex or relationships,' it's 'a lack of inherent wish for sex and relationships used to be what we understood aroaceness to imply; now that no longer seems to be the implication and that leaves a gap where a lot of people, aroace and otherwise, struggle to express that experience'

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