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the-aby8s · 10 months

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July 2, 2023 | Sunday | 12:34AM

This entry is going to be super different from the things I usually write here because it's a lot more positive than usual. Actually, it's the first positive entry I've ever written here. It's only been 8 days since my last entry but I've done a lot of thinking since then, I've faced a lot of facts. I've known for a while now, but it's a hard fact to accept. The fact that my mom emotionally abused me my entire life. I haven't fully come to understand the abuse she's put me through so I can't go into detail. I know she only loves me conditionally, if I changed my hair, got a tattoo, got a piercing, came home later than the time she expects me home, told her I was bisexual, or told her anything that contradicts the version of me she has spent so much time imagining, even before I was born she'd stop loving me. This is a good thing. The fact that I've come to understand that I experienced a weird, confusing, and abusive childhood. I haven't been able to develop at all as a person, I am merely an extension of my mother. Now, that I've realized this though I can start developing who I am without my mom's judgment. Be who I am without fearing whether mom is going to have a tantrum.

I have also become interested in attachment styles and I began researching mine, which is an anxious attachment style. I've decided I don't want to keep myself in a loop of pain and suffering. If you look back at all my entries you'll see how repetitive they are. Feeling the same thing over and over again and not doing anything about it. Maybe, I wasn't ready back then and I'm not upset at myself for not choosing to heal sooner. In fact, it was probably best I stayed in that mindset at the time to protect myself. Things are different now because I am no longer a child. I can take care of myself in better ways. With BPD, I regress into this child-like state of mind anytime I feel a negative emotion. If someone pisses me off, I either have an outburst, try to hurt their feelings, or go silent. I can't talk about the way I feel because I don't feel safe doing so, I don't have the words to explain how much pain I am in or how much you just pissed me off. I just don't want to feel that way anymore. I don't like having BPD, I want it to go away. I want to live and feel some fucking peace and joy LOL.

I heard something today that got me thinking. It was "Evidence doesn't create beliefs. Beliefs create your evidence" and basically it has to do with the subconscious mind and I can't possibly explain that in a way that'll make sense right now. But it basically means that if you believe something like "I'm ugly and unloveable" you will experience things that will confirm that you're ugly and unloveable. That's what you're telling yourself, so why would you experience the opposite? Even if you did you wouldn't notice, or you wouldn't believe it. For example, I had a deep issue with not understanding things. If I didn't understand something immediately then I must be stupid or untalented. Even if someone's intentions were not to make me feel stupid, I'd feel stupid. That is my perception and belief. I challenged myself and asked myself why? Why does me not understanding something = I am stupid? Who taught me that? Who told me that? When I was learning how to write (as a little baby child) my sister got super mad at me for not knowing how to write the letter B. I saw that frustration and anger and her and thought to myself that it was bad to not understand. If I didn't understand quick enough then people would get mad at me, I'd be stupid, I'd be a bad person.

What makes it so bad though? A willingness to understand is a willingness to learn. Some things I understand quickly and I'm a natural at. Other things take me a little more time to understand and why is that such a bad thing? I understand some things and some things I don't, but that doesn't change the fact that I am intelligent. It's so important to have some sort of compassion for yourself. I'm so incredibly hard on myself and I deserve to treat myself with kindness. That's what'd I'd want from other people, so I need to be kind to myself first. When you hate yourself, it is easy to hate everyone else as well. I've gotten mad at a couple of people for not being fast learners. Why? because I was taught that was a bad thing. I hated myself for not always being a fast learner, so I hated other people for not being fast learners. It's one less thing I have to be upset about.

God does it feel good to let SOMETHING go.

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krakenartificer · 3 years

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When I got my ADHD diagnosis, I looked at the questions on the screening form and thought, "If this result comes back positive, then I'm definitely not the only person in my family who has it." Questions like

"Have difficulty finishing one activity before starting another one" and

"I finish others' sentences before they can finish it themselves" and

"have trouble staying on one topic when talking"

...I thought were just weird quirks of my family, but no. When I got my results, I contacted my cousin, and she contacted her sisters and mother, and .. .. yeah. Basically everyone in my dad's side of the family is ADHD.

Now there are some problems with that, obviously, (getting family reunions to stick to a schedule is lol no) but there are some really fantastic perks. For one thing, no one in that family minds if I interrupt them while they're talking ... everyone's happy to keep 3 conversations going at the same time .... and no one minds if you fidget constantly.

But the best perk -- at least that I've found so far -- is that all of our parents have coping mechanisms, and passed them on to us. When I found myself unable to handle tasks with more than one step, my father didn't say "WTF are you talking about? It's easy! Just do the thing! Stop being lazy!" No, he could relate completely, and he sat down and taught me how to handle that.

So today, I'm going to pass on to you the coping mechanism my dad taught me for handling the "cannot put tasks in order / cannot get started / forget what I'm doing" problem. You'll need to adjust it for your own needs and your own struggles, but hopefully it'll be helpful in setting up your own process.

I'm going to walk through it with a big project I'm doing at work, just to have a concrete example. That will make some of the discussion specific to computer programming and technical writing, but I do the same thing for all my projects, so hopefully it'll be generalizable.

So to set the stage:

I was supposed to modify this piece of code -- we'll call it "Rosetta" -- to make it handle call data as well as what it was already doing. I did that.... but we now need the code to be able to handle calls (if that's wanted) but also to be able to handle NOT having calls (if THAT'S wanted).

Which is just .... ugh. So much. SOOOOOOOO much.

So. Break it down.

Step one is to get some recording mechanism - pen and paper, whiteboard, blank computer document, whatever

(Technically, this is a different coping strategy, so we'll just take a quick detour: WRITE THINGS DOWN. Your brain is shit at remembering things, and anyway you've already got limits on your working memory; why would you choose to tie up some of that limited resource in something that could be accomplished with literal stone-age technology? Don't even try to remember things. WRITE THEM DOWN.)

I like sticky notes: they're readily available in all offices, they're pretty cheap, and (most importantly) they can be rearranged if it turns out that I forgot a step or put the steps in the wrong order (which, like, let's be honest, I am definitely going to do). But they kill trees and create unnecessary methane emissions, so I've recently switched over to using virtual sticky notes. That's the format I'm going to use for this example, but you can use anything that meets your purposes.

So, you've got something to write with, you're ready to start.

The first question is: what are you trying to accomplish here? What would "done" look like? What is our goal?

I need to end up with a version of Rosetta that will make the correct results if you don't want calls, and will also make the correct results if you do.

The goal here is that you end up with a statement that you can definitively say (a) Yes this is what I wanted or (b)No this is not right because _______

In this case, in order to do that, I'll need to define "correct results" for both call- and non-call versions. But if I have that nailed down, then this statement meets that criterion: I'll be able to say "Yes, this is what I wanted: see, it makes the correct result for calls, and it makes the correct result for not-calls". Or else I'll be able to say, "No, this is wrong: see, it makes the correct result for calls, but on not-calls it does X and we wanted Y."

I have a clear, definitive standard about what I need to do and whether or not I've done it.

But there was a prerequisite there: I need to define "correct results".

So that goes on a sticky note: Create test that will compare my results to existing call!Rosetta-results and to existing not-call!Rosetta-results.

[ID: Two blue boxes, one on top of the other. The top one says in white text "Create test to compare my results to call!results" The bottom one says "Create test to compare my results to not-call!results"] OK. So now we know what we want. The second question is: what do we need to do in order to get that? Here's where the sticky-note recording system really shines, because you don't have to answer this question sequentially. You just start writing down every single thing that is not the way you want it to end up.

I need it to remove commas in the python script, not the bash script

I need to delete the first part of the get_runs() function, which doesn't do anything

I need to delete the rest of the parameters passed to build_query_script() function, because runs encompasses all the others

while we're on that subject, runs doesn't even need the group_variable, so let's pull that out of the parameter document

we also have a dmf defined, which the bash script demands but doesn't use; let's change that demand

since we're changing the structure of the parameter document, we don't need to pull new metrics for each run, so let's move that outside of the runs() loop and only run once

right now the parameter document is ALMOST but not quite "one row per template". Make it so it's actually one row per template.

among other things, that's going to require making it possible for a template to be followed by nothing at all, since it's the assumption that a template will have a metrics block after it that makes it not quite one row per template. So make it possible to publish a template with a null block

the other thing that's weirdly hard-coded is the definition of what a block looks like. Would it make more sense to separate that out into an input file, like the parameters document? On the one hand, that would make it much more flexible; on the other hand, that's another piece that can break. Don't know. Put a question mark on it.

etc

Here's what it looks like at the end of this step:

[ID: A black and white background showing many boxes in two different shades of blue, all with white text. Some of the boxes are overlapping each other.]

As you can see, at this phase you don't need to worry about any of the following:

ordering the tasks. Just stick 'em right on top of each other for now

how you're going to do any of this. Right now we just need to know what, not how

sticking to only one project. As I was working on this, it occurred to me that this whole process would have been a heck of a lot easier if someone had just made a user manual for this, and since I have to go through all the code line-by-line anyway, I might as well write up the documentation while I'm at it. (To help out future-me, if nothing else.) So I put those tasks on another color of sticky note.

making notes that make any ***ing sense to anyone else. This process is for you, and only you need to understand what you're talking about it. Phrase it in ways that make sense to your brain, and to hell with anyone else.

on that topic, also don't worry about making steps that are "too small" or "too dumb" to write down. This is for you. If "save document" feels like a step to you, then write it down.

You also don't need to get every single step involved in the project right now. Get as many as you can, to be sure, but the process is designed on the assumption that you ARE going to forget important steps, and is designed to handle that.

When you can't think of any more steps, then the third question is: what order does it make sense to do these in? Are there any steps that would be easier if you did another step first? Are there any that literally cannot be done unless another step is complete?

This is also a good place to group steps if they fit together nicely. When I used physical sticky notes, I used two different sizes; digitally I can of course make them whatever size I want.

So I have several documentation steps that (a) do need to be written to make sense to other people and (b) I really need to know what's going on before I can do that. I could write them now, but if I did, I'd just end up re-writing them based on things that change as I'm coding. So we'll move those to the end:

[ID: Three dark blue boxes with white text. They read "Create step-by-step instructions for creating your own metric agg", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a metric", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a query."]

These parts, though -- if I had all the variable structures written down, I could look at them while I'm coding. Then I won't have to keep scrolling back and forth in the code, trying to remember if it's an array or a dictionary while also trying to remember what part of the code I was working on. Brilliant. Move that to the front.

[ID: Seven dark blue boxes with white text, three large, four small. The first one is large and says "Write up explanation of how Rosetta works." The second one is large and says "Document structure of all variables." Attached to that one are four smaller boxes that say "All_blocks", "Runs", "metric", "New_block". The third large one says "Document what qb_parameters.csv contains"]

Also, while I'm at it, I should get the list of variables I need to document -- then I won't have to keep scrolling to find them. Make those sub-steps.

I definitely keep needing to look up what's in the parameters document, so I should write that down, too. For the user manual I also should write down what's in the metric document, but I don't need that for myself, so I can send that to the end.

[ID: The same three dark blue boxes from two screenshots ago (create step-by-step instructions for metric agg, modifying a metric, and modifying a query), now with another dark blue box in front of them with white text that says "Document what granular_metrics.tsv contains."]

These five are all small steps, and are all related in that they don't actually (hopefully) change the functionality of the code; they're just stuff left over from prior versions of this code. So we can lump them all together.

[ID: Five light blue boxes with white text that say "Delete first part of get_runs()", "Have build_query_script only receive the "run" parameter" "Delete dmf" "Move metrics=get_metrics() outside build_all_blocks (all the way up to the top level?" "Delete group_variable from qp_parameters"]

My brain likes this better, so that I can keep track of fewer "main steps", but that's just a peculiarity of me -- you should lump and split however you prefer to make this process easier for you.

[ID: The same five boxes from the prior screenshot, now all made smaller and attached to a larger box that says "Remove Legacy Code"]

Keep going, step by step, sticky by sticky, until you've got them in order. If -- while you're doing this -- you remember another thing you need to do, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile; you don't have to stop what you're doing to deal with it, because it's written down and it's on the pile and it will get processed; you can just keep working on the thing you're on right now.

[ID: All the same boxes from the first screenshot, now in a neat row. Some of the original boxes have been grouped together. The ones that were said to be at the beginning of the process are on the left and the ones that were said to be at the end are on the right.]

Step four: for the love of all that's holy, SAVE THIS LIST.

Write it on your cubicle whiteboard where it won't be erased

write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the office wall

send an email to yourself

take a picture with your phone

I don't care but save it.

When I used physical sticky notes, I kept them all on the hood of my cubicle's shelf. Now, as you can see, I use Powerpoint, which is irritating af but does allow me to keep everything in a single document, which I can write down the path of.

[ID: White text on a black background says "open ~/Documents/Rosetta\ Modifications\ and \Documentation.pptx" The next line says "Notes in Rocketbook pg 10-12, 16" The next line says "Turn that into documentation that can be used for making modifications."]

And now (finally) you can answer the question "How would I even get started on that?" You look at the first thing on the list, and you treat it as its own project. You can hyperfocus on this step and completely forget about everything else this project requires, because everything you need to remember for the rest of it is written down.

If, as you're working a step, you think of something else you need to do for the big project, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile. Don't even worry about trying to order it or identify sub-steps; as long as it's not blocking the thing you need to work on right now, you don't have to care. Just stick that bugger anywhere at all on the list, and go back to what you were doing. When you un-hyperfocus and come back to look at your list, there'll be a big sticky note stuck sideways across all the rest of the steps, and you'll remember to file and order it then.

Other benefits of this system

1) The first question really helps with unclear directions from your boss. You can take whatever they told you to do, and translate it into a requirement that is clearly either met or not-met, and then run it back by the boss.

If they say, "No, no, we want ______" then phew! You just saved a huge miscommunication and weeks of wasted work! What a good employee you are! What an excellent team player with strong communication skills!

If they say "Yes, that's what I want," then you know -- for sure -- what it is you're trying to accomplish. Your anxiety is reduced, and your boss thinks you're super-conscientious.

(And if your boss is a jerk who likes to move the goalposts and blame it on their subordinates, then have this conversation over email, so you can show it to their boss or to HR should it become necessary.)

2) Having this project map means that when you spend an hour staring at the requirements and trying to figure out how to get started (which, let's be honest, you were definitely going to do anyway) ... When your boss/coworker comes by and says, "How's it going?" Instead of having to say "I haven't even started 😞" You can say, "Pretty well! I've got all the steps mapped out and am getting ready to start on implementation!" and show them your list, and they think you're very organized and meticulous. 3) Sometimes, especially in corporate jobs, you and your coworkers will run into a problem that's too big for even Neurotypicals to hold all in their heads. At that point, the NTs will be completely lost -- they've never had to develop a way to handle projects they can't just look at and know how to get started. So then you pipe up in the meeting and say, "OK, well, what exactly are we trying to accomplish?" and everybody at the conference table looks at you like you're a goddamned genius and you don't have to tell them that you use this exact same process to remember how to make a sandwich 😅

4) Having this project map makes it so much easier to stop work and then start it up again later, but this post is already really really really long, so I'm going to address that in a separate (really really long) post.

#adhd #adhd life #tips #semi-solicited advice #gpoy #your mileage may vary #long post #very long post #sorry I wish I wrote more concisely too

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jlf23tumble · 4 years

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Hi! I've seen you rec fics before and I'm wondering if you have any recommendations for Harry Styles fics that deal with gender. Like Harry being either nonbinary or that being the focus of the plot in some way. Thanks!

I have GOT YOU, my friend! I answered a similar ask a long time ago, so I’ll bring those recs over, plus add newer ones, just to keep us up to date. Same caveat as before, though--these fics delve a bit deeper into the genderfluid side of the fine line rather than just the “harry in panties” side because I think you’re more interested in the former, but if I’m wrong, let me know! Enjoy!

Us, Me, We, @homosociallyyours, 2.3 (Harry/Harry, Harry/Louis). Featuring Harry trippin’ balls and truly seeing “her” in the mirror.

you make me wanna (how deep is your love), orphan_account, 2.5k (harry/louis). As the notes say, “straight up porn,” featuring trans Harry.

Friendly Fire, @vondrostes, 2.6k (Harry/Ny). Look, you’ll see a lot of Terran here, I had to hold *back*, but he writes tons of pairings, so there’s something for everyone, and I rec it all! In this case, Harry learns an important lesson about why he shouldn’t date straight women.

No Control, thegirlwthekittentattoo, 2.6k (Harry/Louis). The dialogue here is EVERYTHING, it’s cute and hot and emotional yet still funny, like Harry’s bra being named Christi with an “i”, and I loveeee how much is packed in here.

Silent Night, @sulkingroom, 2.7k (Harry/Xander). I’m 99% sure this is Melissa, not orphan_account, but she’s another author who writes stunning fics that play with gender, this one featuring trans Harry at Christmas.

She, Myself, and I, @vondrostes, 3k (Harry/Nick). Angst city, with Harry telling Nick exactly who “she” is.

Every Drop of Rain, haemophilus, 3.3k (Harry/Taylor). Told through Taylor’s eyes, a fascinating look at Harry and his gender journey. (I highly rec this author’s work in other pairings for similar vibes!)

if they find out, will it all go wrong? blankiexrry, 3.4k (Harry/Louis). Gender exploration behind the scenes when the D played MSG, plus extra kink added!

The Assassination of Harry Styles’ Dignity, wishforwishes, 3.5k (Harry/Nick). This one was in the pubefest, and it’s gryles angst hours gorgeously done as Harry ponders shaving past and present (highly rec this author for gender exploration in other pairings, too).

She Feels So Good, Zedi, 4k, and its sequel, Turns Out She’s a Devil In-Between the Sheets, 3k (Harry/Louis). Mannnn, this universe is so good! Part one is behind the scenes of the Late Late Show after Kiwi, and part two is sexi times in Italy. I utterly adore how this Harry shifts right along with her pronouns.

Fertile Ground, Blake/ @newleafover, 4.4k (Harry/Louis). Jesus wept specifically at this story, CHRIST, so much dysphoria-related angst!! The sheer number of moments guaranteed to make you stare at the wall for one (1) hour, help!

into joy i’m sailing, @hereforlou, 4.6k (Harry/Louis). The tenderness LEAPS off the screen in this one, Harry forgets he’s wearing a dress when Louis comes over for dinner, and I peel my heart out of my throat every time.

weird honey, orphan_account, 5.4k (Harry/Louis). I’m a big lurker in fic comments, and these ones give me joy because big names from a time when this Harry drew even more hate than today are here, spreading love and support--who was this author? This story is so GOOD, I’d love to know what else they did! (In this case, a sex toy helps Harry deal with not having a vagina.)

violence of my own touch, 14hrflight/ @got2ghost, 5.2k (Harry/Louis). Chi is yet ANOTHER author to read for spot-fuckin’-on genderfluid characterization (here, it’s alpha/alpha with all kinds of bdsm, dysphoria, angst, and more).

it’s you i want to take apart, orphan_account, 5.9k (Harry/Louis). This author--in the year of our lorde 2012--watched the nail polish interview and created a work of art that went even deeper, their MIND!!! What else did they foretell??!!!!!

Love at Home, @vondrostes, 6.9k (Harry/Xander, Harry/Zayn/Xander). This fic is HYPER-current, like, mid-quarantine, and it features some Zarry history, some pregnancy-related dysphoria, and so much more, plus horses!! (The horses aren’t actually all that involved, I just love to see ‘em.)

Vinyl and Lace, objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain, 7.5k (Harry/Louis). This one kills me because it’s XF days, and you get the full-on sensation that this is meant to be kinky play funtime, but it’s going to end up being something much bigger on so many fronts, we love to see it!

Are You Gonna Be My Girl? LoadedGunn, 7.5k (Harry/Louis). EASILY my fave fic this author wrote, basically, Louis talks about his first time with a girl, Harry decides to be that girl, and the dirty talk hits different in the end!

call me anything you like, but my name is, wishforwishes, 9.9k (Harry/members of CHASM). [muffled internal screaming whenever I think of this fic] It starts with BSE Veronica/Zayn and ends with Harry Veronica/Zayn, and so much revelation happens in between, goddddd bless.

fallin’ and laughin’ at the drinks we spilled, enbyharry/ @non-binharry, 14k (Harry/Louis). Asia’s description in the notes kills me, but #vanlife Louis runs into proud Harry in some bar and shenanigans ensue is the upshot!

But She Doesn’t Know Who I Am series, jaerie, 15k (Harry/Louis). I love that one of the tags here is “louis asks inappropriate questions” because that’s honestly most of what happens!!

o/o angst series, HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals, 17k (Harry/Louis). I miss Nina’s writing like a phantom limb, and I doubt they’ll return to this universe, but I swear, I will read (and rec) ANYTHING they produce when the muse visits them again! This one is as its title says, and it doesn’t disappoint, heavy sigh.

Grenadine Sunshine, objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain, 18k (Harry/Louis). This fic is a peach of a pearl written as a gift for one of this fandom’s best authors, and it perfectly captures the Mood of that author, with so much softness, makeup, gender, and tender.

Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry series, 14hrflight/ @got2ghost, 22k (Harry/Louis). SO MANY GENDER ISSUES EXPLORED HERE, WOW!! College roommates come to terms with their identity, and, mannnnn, do I love it when a/b/o gets unstraightened, if you will, chef’s kiss all around.

Nothing You Can Do (But You Can Learn How to Be You in Time), Teumessian, 28k (Harry/Louis). Also known as the pinterest fic, this one is just so soft and lovely, an identity story told through hair (among other things).

genderfluid!harry series, istajmaal, 33k (Harry/Louis). This entire series hits just as hard today as it did when it was written in 2013, a time when people were aggressively trying to make fetch frat boy Harry happen (some of ‘em still are, lmao). Anyway, this is another author I highly rec for all their other fic, but this one does an A+ job of describing Harry’s gender exploration mid-D madness.

Amor Victorious, HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals, 38k (Harry/Louis). Another brilliant work from Nina, you feel like you’re on this journey with them, PLUS it dives deep into gender identity struggles, PLUS it throws a/b/o for a loop, all of which equals a big yes from me!

hush., wankerville, 41k (Harry/Louis). One of my all-time faves, this one tackles so many phobias, all while being set in a small-town America high school AU and managing to be the softest, most gorgeous, most hopeful thing in spite (because?) of that.

Time Passed, coffinofachimera/ @belialsmiracles, 66k (Harry/Louis). LISTEN, I WILL NEVER, EVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS FIC, I can only hope the author will bless us with a timestamp or something else entirely, it’s so beautifully done, it makes you think of nothing else for days, it RUINS you for other fic (I highly rec the author’s other work, too). You’ll never look at Tokyo Harry the same way again (or listen to “She” or “Fine Line” without getting more than a little misty). GOLD STAR!

Made of Lightning, @vondrostes, 74k (Harry/Louis, Harry/Liam, Harry/Louis/Liam). Just...the tags on this don’t do full justice to the journey of it, to the imagination of this specific timeline! I adore how Terran writes trans Harry!

Second Spring, @vondrostes, 103k (Harry/Louis). Speaking of Terran writing trans Harry, this one covers all the ins and outs of her surgical transition, how she recovers, and how she and the people around her deal with puberty no. 2.

#fic rec #gender #harry styles #whew it's a long one!!

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suudonym · 7 years

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ah do you have any tips on planning/writing long fics that you'd be willing to share? bc you do a great job of it and I've only ever written stuff like oneshots before so it's a lil itimidating ahh... thank you Q-Q

aahh I never know if any of the advice I can provide about writing is useful at all but I’ll try and see if I can come up with something decent!!

let’s seee I think the first thing you can do to reduce the intimidation factor a bit is to think of it less as a long story and more as just��. a story. ‘cause at the end of the day that’s really all it is: a story that would be a bit too much to read all at once so you’re breaking down into more easily digestible chapters

I think a good way to approach a multi-chapter fic is with a sort of open-ended idea that can be expounded upon easily. like, the entire concept behind chf was “I want to write a story about a stalker,” and for tata it was “man the time loop aspect in re:zero is so cool I wanna write about something like that.” they’re both really simple concepts that COULD be handled as one-shots but become longer and fuller the more you want to put into it

so, for me, once I have that sort of vague concept in mind, usually I start thinking about different scenes and events that I’d like to write. for example, lately I’ve been thinking about the holy knight story in the back of my head and thinking that I want to have Totoko in some kind of active important role (not really sure what yet, the natural route is to have her be a songstress like Nyaa-chan but then what significance does that have to Kara and the story in general hmmm). anyway it’s hard to describe but what I’m trying to get is like... just..... think of a ton of shit. anything that relates to your base idea and appeals to you, doesn’t necessarily have to be connected or even coherent at this point

personally I find it easiest to get going when I have a very very loose sequence of events but still know generally what order things go in. usually I have a series of scenes that I’m really really really looking forward to writing, like so much. and it’s good to have those milestones to have something you want to aim for. most of the time I don’t really have a very good idea of what happens after a certain point towards the end. like I have a vague idea of “and everything after this is the ending” but what actually happens in said ending? anyone’s guess until I actually get to writing it. that’s where I’m at with plans for tata right now in fact

re: scenes that you can’t wait to write - some people like to jump around and write the things that come easiest first, and for some people that works really well! I don’t have any luck with it myself, I prefer to write completely painstakingly chronologically because sometimes plans change along the way and I just HATE writing things that ultimately don’t get used, plus it’s good motivation for me to get through boring parts when I know I’m eventually going to get to write the stuff I’ve been imagining since the beginning. some folks don’t operate as well that way and actually it just occurred to me that this probably isn’t an issue that’s unique to multi-chaptered stuff and you probably already know your preference from writing one-shots so NEVER MIND

something that helped me a LOT with chf and is helping a LOT with tata is having people you can talk to about your work. they can help keep you motivated and get through the boring stuff that you don’t feel like writing as much and figure out things that you’re stuck on or things you’re not sure about and find unexpected ways to make things better in general and just. endless benefits. that’s another “for me personally” thing though, I’m sure there’s plenty of writers who go it alone and it’s certainly perfectly possible to do so!

mmm okay lemme try to like summarize important points in roughly chronological order

find yourself an idea that can be expanded a lot (actually thinking about it now you probably already have one of those which is why you asked about planning/writing long fics and not about coming up with ideas for them so again, NEVER MIND)

think about it until you’ve got some scenes in mind that you really like and want to write

think about it a bit more until you know more or less how you’ll probably go about getting from point A to point B

choose a starting point and dive in!

deal with it in parts, aiming for one milestone at a time. keep yourself open to change and don’t worry about shuffling events around or changing them or even discarding them altogether if you think it makes the story better/more fun to write

consider giving yourself a daily word quota? I find it useful to pick a number that feels doable based on my current condition and aim for it. a while ago my daily quota for tata was 1000 words, then I cut it down to 500, and right now I’m... finding it difficult to even get to 150, but even five words a day is still progress! heck even just thinking about writing is its own kind of progress, the important part is that you keep on taking steps forward - even if it’s only the smallest of steps. and don’t beat yourself up if you slow down or get stuck because the process of creation is huge and challenging and you can expect to feel more of that enormity the longer you spend trying to bring the same thing into existence. probably. I admit that I lost my train of thought a bit just now.

commit! do what you gotta do to stay invested! for me, it’s posting it on ao3 because I get a huge guilt complex over abandoning projects after making them public. probably not an effective tactic for everybody and I’m sorry to say that I don’t have much else to recommend in that regard but if not that then I’m sure there’s somethin out there that’ll work for you when you find it!

uhhh come to think of it that huge pile of words is probably not doing much to dispel the intimidation but despite the fact that I just rambled for who knows how long about way too many intricacies the simplest way to go about is just to do what feels the most natural! I imagine it’s probably a bit weird switching from one-shots to something that takes much more development but really, in the end what is a long fic but a one-shot that got way too out of hand? that’s.... not a good analogy actually, you can probably more or less ignore that.

ANYWAY best of luck anon! multi-chaptered stories can be a bit tiresome but in my opinion they’re also a lot of fun and really rewarding to build and create! I hope you’re able to pinpoint a process that works well for you and can tell the story that you want to tell in a way that makes you happy!! (❁´◡`❁)

#eeeeeh sorry for the length I really just don't know when to stop myself #hope there is something useful to you in there somewhere!#saydonym

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