#am i being too political sorry

[levbolton]

I told my friend about how much Goncharov 1973 has affected me, becoming my favourite movie, and she tried to search it up online. Then, all confused came back to me, asking why isn’t she finding it anywhere, and I think we need to adress this matter.

Goncharov is, despite all criticism, a queer piece of media. Not only that, but it has Russian queer characters, set in a yet Sovietic time-frame.

We all know the tensions between the East and the West during that time, screw it, the tensions are still alive even now. All the “homo propaganda” that Russia tries to silence and ridicule and blame on the West for all its gay people. And sadly, Goncharov 1973, is maybe one if its biggest victim.

Until just a few days, if you searched online Goncharov 1973 dir. Martin Scorsese you would have found nothing. The entire movie was removed from history, all scenes burned and all posters ripped due to the Soviet Union’s pressure for it to be deleted.

[ID a screenshot of a french market application where a rare version of Goncharov is being sold at an overpriced price (150€ when the original price was 15€).

Translation: “Collector version of Martin Scorsese’s 1973 mafia movie.

No more in market, thus the price (not debatable, i won’t answer foolish proposals)

Can be passed in hand in Lile (France) or sent with care” End ID]

Source

Thus the only sources were the limited physical copies created during the short time it was available for sale.

This proves the recent analysis (here too), that men have a hard time escaping the violent environment they were set in, that that’s how it must be. All the queer tendencies having to be silenced because it’s an anomaly (we’ve all seen the goncharov x andrey scenes, idc how you can say they’re just partners in crime, there’s definitely more) or how women must, despite their own preferences, stand next to a man. How their worth is based solely on their support to another man, unable to chose their own life path (the katya and sofia scenes touched me more than almost any GLs i might have read fr).

The movie did mock these stereotypes, that’s why it rubbed the Soviet Union the wrong way and it stirred such a controversy.

But in the end, the ones who suffer the most are the queer people from there. Just because they don’t have a voice anymore it doesn’t mean there never existed, or still exist, queer people in Russia. Just open a history book my friend, there are endless examples: Tchaikovsky was a gay man who is thought to have been assassinated because of his orientation. [ID a famous picture of Piotr Tchaikovsky next to Iosif Kotek, said to be the composer’s partner End ID]

Konstantin Somov, whose connection with Methodiy is said to be just “friendship” despite his writings in his journal. [ID a painting done by Konstantin Somov depicting Methodiy Lukyanov in PJs, said to be the “one who loved Somov the most” as Somov wrote End ID]

Rudolf Nureyev, bisexual, who was even expulsed from the Soviet Union during that time and who was never able to see his mother until the moment she died… [ID a portrait of the famous Russian ballet dancer, Rudolf Nureyev, who was in a long term relationship with Danish ballet dancer Erik Bruhn, until the latter’s death End ID]

They existed, they exist. They people who suffer the most. Stop silencing queer media and queer people! It is important…

Let’s spam Goncharov everywhere. Goncharov and Andrey and Katya and Sofia. They are all valid. Let’s not leave their story fade in vain.

#this is important as the new russian law is now valid :( #goncharov #goncharov 1973 #martin scorsese #robert de niro #al pacino #commentary #am i being too political sorry #also now i feel foolish that i don’t know sapphic women from russian history im sorry again

[crimeronan]

why am i being asked about liking taylor swift suddenly.... did i somehow accidentally rb something that has vriscourse taycourse dogwhistles in it. guys i listen to cringe metal music and everyone hates giving me the aux cord on road trips i promise there's nothing for you to chew on here. i have as little opinion on this woman as i do on vriska.

#some of my friends like her some don't. her music is fine but not blorboy enough to make me crazy so i dont know much of it #i dont define any of my political identity around being annoyed by or admiring of this woman. she is not on my radar at all. #exactly like vriska. i cant tell if it was a bait question or if it would mean a lot to one of u for me to be a tswift fan but i am um. #way too cringe to manage. im sorry :( #not tagging this post with her name. hopefully it reaches whoever asked me.

[constantvariations]

"Ruby wouldn't be angry at Jaune because she would understand it was Penny's choice" as if grief over losing a close friend again after going through so much to save her again wouldn't manifest in absolute rage that blocks out suicide fetish logic. The writers refused Ruby her anger not only to protect their precious Jaune, but because they think certain emotions are evil

I'm constantly thinking about Blake in V5 attributing spite to Adam as if it's a bad thing. Spite is the emotional version of "hold my beer," and is responsible for some incredible things

Lord of the Flies by William Golding is a spiteful response to The Coral Island by R. M. Ballantyne, a story with the same premise of several middle class English boys being stranded on an island. Where Ballantyne has the boys having "wonderful adventures" such as... saving women and children from being killed and eaten by the native Polynesians, Golding depicts the boys falling into savagery as time and isolation grows their paranoia to the point where they start killing each other. Golding was pissed at the saccharine portrayal of English boys as the height of humanity because he was a teacher who taught that exact demographic and damn well knew better

After a teacher said he wasn't smart enough to get into college, Huey P. Newton taught himself how to read and got into law school. When the college committees were more into intellectual talk than action, he said, "Fuck this, I'm gonna make my own group," and he did! It became an international organization that had the FBI shitting themselves! That's the power of spite, baby!!

The writers are using emotions as a shorthand for a character’s morality, which is why Ruby can't be mad at Jaune without losing her status as a hero and why Adam's anger at injustice makes him irredeemable from day one. Ruby's ptsd disappears with a triumphant smile and musical number while Ironwood's vilifies and dehumanizes him even after his death

The writers have tied "negative" emotions to evil and "positive" to good when they're neither. Emotions are a body's response to stimuli, similar to goosebumps and crying. Think of it as a "check engine" light on your car's dashboard. What someone does because of their emotions can be good or bad, but emotions in and of themselves are morally neutral

Really wish people would learn that

#rwde #the demonization of anger is particularly troubling esp in the context of injustice #like??? sorry people dont wanna be sally sunshine abt their rights being taken away #i think it falls into respectability politics and 'the good victim' idea #the only victims considered strong are the ones who take their abuse with grace and poise #youre too weak if youre crying and scared bc of your trauma #youre too afraid if you build walls between you and the world bc of your trauma #youre too hysterical if youre pissed off and lashing out bc of your trauma #the only respected way is to grin and bear it until the abuse stops #which is absolute bullshit #people deserve to have any and every emotion without immediately being judged for having the 'wrong' response #we have so many emotions for a fucking reason!!! #and its super unhealthy to repress any emotion for long periods of time!! thats why so many people are miserable these days!! #fuck that sally sunshine perpetual positivity bullshit. let a mf be pissed off #and for characters let them be pissed off and wrong!! #let them lash out and hurt their friends or smash a car or punch a wall bc thats character conflict!! its drama! #its an opportunity for characters to grow and atone for their mistakes and ask for forgiveness they may not get #let rwby characters be full fledged people i am BEGGING

[hauntedpearl]

me whenever a mutual i don't talk to unfollows me

#it happens too often #and this is bc i follow soooo many people and I am what you would politely call a fucking loner lmao #so like. it's on me 😭😭 but I'm still baby about it 😭😭 #sorry for being annoying but!!! i can't change who I am for our love!!! i can't do it !! *dramatic bed flop* #JOKES BTW.

[lemonduckisnowawake]

Me, today: I will not get angry about people slandering Jesus. I will not lose my temper seeing yet another post throwing His character in the garbage as some politically woke or politically conservative people pleaser. I will not stab my hand with a fork when I see people poking fun at his friendships as homoerotic - *sees a post like that and slowly steps out of the internet*

No seriously. I am shaking the screen and BEGGING people to remember that even though Western Christian traditionalism has deep, *deep* wrongs, There Are Literal People Dying And Being Tortured Because Of Their Faith In Christ In The Modern World. And the way I see people making light of faith and outright mocking it or "dumbing it down" to appeal to their own moral worldview is sometimes kind of painful

#lemon duck quacks #i need a salt tag so people can block that.... #I'll think of one later #anyway yeah....sometimes the things i see western folk doing to Christianity makes me sigh #what is it about humanity's need to make a mockery out of the things we disagree with? #I've caught myself doing it sometimes too and it's just sad #like I've seen people make mockery out of Eastern spirituality and religions or Islam or something #and it DOES make me mad #especially when I see adherents of those religions trying to placate people by going #'oh our worldview DOES actually support yours! we're friendly to your political stance :)' #when no. NO. you guys don't have to defend your worldview like that??? #worldviews are called such because they're different and there WILL be times when moralities clash against each other! #DRAMATICALLY #and it's up to you to see if you can keep being friends/interacting with someone who has a drastically different moral standard than you #and if you can't there is no reason to try and make their religion/worldview fits yours or whatever #this is aimed at Christians too who try and force non-Christians to see things through their perspective btw #also just because you hate someone's viewpoint because it's objectively wrong to you doesn't mean you have to mock it or them #by all means try and deconstruct it if you want but stop making fun of it or pretending you know eeeeeverything about their worldview #sorry you guys i am VERY salty #maybe a tad bit angry but mostly salty #anyway you religious people who have studied your texts and persist in living it out even if it doesn't conform to the western world's #political worldviews (whether liberal or conservative in the us or uk or etc sense) have all my respect and 'hwaiting's #stars I'm so salty i could perseve my own meat with it

[connectingconstellations]

Hi the world sucks and I have to stay off all my other social media because it's flooded with graphic images showing how much it sucks so send me some happy things please

#also like i'm sorry but everyone needs to stop playing armchair political analyst with their ~edgy~ takes #civilians being murdered is a tragedy #you don't need to resort to fucking tribalism about how it's fine as long as it's the civilians you don't like #or as if civilians are somehow responsible for the political conditions they have to live under #personal #probably too personal #i am so sorry in advance to my therapist this week

[seedlessmuffins]

ahhhhh >:(

#i am doing my best as a coach to heal my own childhood trauma from bad swim coaches #so im working soooo hard to make sure all the kids feel supported and appreciated and respected and that they are doing well #so i try not to yell and be understanding #BUT TODAY #tell me why a guest coach was there to help out and was yelling at all my kids #undoing LITERAL MONTHS of hard work and making 2 kids cry and almost sending another into a meltdown #LIKE BRO SHUT UP THESE ARE MY & MY OTHER COACHES KIDS!!! PLAY NICE #but i cant say anything because hes the guest even though my kids are actively crying from being screamed at #god i worked so hard to stop this i worked SO HARD #ugh can i not protect 100 kids from coach related trauma at once #is that too much to ask #so fucking done with the politics behind coaching #SO. FUCKING. DONE. #sorry for the rant i just ughhhh #k

[mako-island-moon-pool]

I really do deserve a fucking apology for all the times my friends and family valued strangers on the internet and their opinions more than me

How am I supposed to be just fine with being ignored for years and years or bullied for openly liking what I like, only for those same fucking people to then turn around YEARS LATER, AFTER THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE, and be like "actually this is cool, so glad I found it" while still ignoring me. Why am I not allowed to be fucking pissed about it? Why is it considered ""gatekeepy"" when I get upset someone who deliberately ignored me for years and insulted the shit I enjoy when I asked them to get into it cuz I thought they'd like it suddenly finds interest in it because it got popular online, not because I'd been begging them to give it a chance and to listen to me for years???? Why is that not allowed????? THAT'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE MOVE, WHY IS IT 'NOT OKAY' TO BE MAD? WHY DON'T THEY GROW A SPINE AND APOLOGIZE FOR DISMISSING ME FIRST? HOW ABOUT THAT?????

#I fucking hate this it keeps fucking happening #I have a fucking LIST of all the times it's happened this is not a one time thing it's fucking reoccurring #Nothing I say will ever fucking matter to anyone not even the people who are 'supposed' to care about me #Grumble grumble #Literally showed my dad a song and he was like 'well I preferred the one that came on autoplay after' #And I was like 'oh that song? Oh you mean THAT song? OH YOU MEAN THE SONG I SHOWED YOU MONTHS AGO THAT YOU DISMISSED AND CRITICIZED?' #THAT ONE? YEAH? YEAH??? #Gee I wonder why you like it NOW and not when *I* showed it to you! #UGHHHHH #Begged my friend to get into OP and he would go 'no it's too long and the art style is kinda ugly' #GUESS WHO'S NOW ASKING ME TO GUIDE HIM THRU THE ANIME CUZ OP WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER OVER THE SUMMER #UGHHHHHHHHH #Begged friends to watch Trig/un for years it was always the first anime I'd recommend anyone when they asked and was always ignored #Guess what everyone did once stampede started *trending on Tumblr*? #They certainly didn't care when I asked or when I was hyping up the trailer for stampede or literally any point before then #Nobody would ever reply to me when I talked about it #But now that it's trending on Tumblr NOW they're interested. GJSGDHDJDJDK #Happened with Pe/rso/na and Ro/tm/nt too. #Begged my middle and high school friends to get into the per/sona series. Nooo never it's sooo lame #Get made fun of for being hyped for 5's release in Calc class #Man you'd never believe who I see on Twitter as the biggest fans nowadays!! #Same with ro/tm/nt begged my friends to watch it but was dismissed and the episode I showed them heavily criticized bc it wasn't 2012 #Then learn the same friend who criticized it so heavily bc he *hated it* WAS WATCHING VIDEO ESSAYS EXPLAINING WHY THE FINALE WAS SO GOOD #And there's NEVER any acknowledgement like 'hey sorry I made fun of/hated on this thing I see why you like it now' #Am I actually mental?! Would that not be the polite thing to do??? #I would do that if a friend begged me to watch something and I openly dismissed them or criticized it as my reason why #And then later on I saw something online and was like 'actually...' #I would GO TO THAT FRIEND AND BE LIKE 'hey sorry I dismissed you earlier man I get why you like it now' AND THEN WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT #This isn't even about like distant acquaintences some of these people are my best friends and my roommates and my own fucking parents #People I talk to daily or near-daily. You're just not going to acknowledge what happened before??? Just expecting me to be fine with it????

[thebirdandhersong]

I decided this year that being introverted was no excuse for avoiding people, and that I needed to focus less on shyness and more on community building and Being Brave For Once, and so naturally one of the steps I took was attending an English department socialization event today--the first time I have ever attended one of their events. And boy did that come This Close to making me regret stepping out of the house

#if you ever find yourself in an enclosed space with twelve english majors i'm telling you SHOUT A HASTY GOODBYE AND SCOOT #that's an exaggeration sorry i love english majors also i am one so i feel some license to make fun every once in a while #HOWEVER #if y'all have ever sat through 15+ minutes of arts major girls complaining about the Trials of being a woman and whining about Men...... #in front of the ONE MAN who showed up for the party. poor boy #it is an incomparable experience and one that i would not wish on anybody #on another point the eng department party that showed up hit all the bingos today in terms of conversation: #death of the author. book piracy (one of the exec team girls ADVOCATED for this). how Evil the british monarchy is #(like. girls the queen just passed away last year also can we please not ridicule people in this very contemptuous and cruel way) #gender and politics. gender and ideology. gender and--you get it #cheating in class (one of the exec team girls ADVOCATED for this too) #complaining about the university's policies and system. #also did i mention complaining about Men #it was a Lot and i hobbled back home with a headache #am i going back?? remains to be seen!!!! GOOD GRIEF what a day #slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21

[neuromantis]

you can sanction and tax and pricegouge russia up the ass, but you can't do the same for usa? or at the bare minimum israel??

peculiar, smh smh smh.

#mostly i am mad about my pills costing me more and more every month tbh #and some drugs being outright no longer available at all #if normal people with no stake in this war/or against this war deserve to suffer without meds because they're russian... #why doesn't the same apply to other countries? #yeah sorry for being political on main #but i am so tired paying more each month for the bare minimum to stay alive #this is not ''i am suffering so everyone should suffer too'' #this is sheer bewilderment that you can even sanction medicine imports at all #like yeah my government is a crock of shit but why do disabled people have to suffer because of something out of their control?

[remyfire]

I totally get not caring for a particular character or ship or something. We all have our own tastes. What I don’t understand is why some people feel the need to be total assholes towards those who do like a character or ship that they can’t stand.

On the flip side, some people do need to grow a thicker skin and accept the fact that not everyone likes their favorite character or ship or whatever.

This is one of those asks where unfortunately I’m not able to tell if you’re sending it to me in good faith or bad faith, which is a shame. I’m hoping it’s good faith, so I’d like to answer seriously and trust that you’ll take it that way also.

Let me start by saying that I don't believe anyone is under the impression that everyone should like their favorite character or ship. We're all adults here. We all know that preferences exist. It's a matter of how we choose to honor and respect those preferences.

There are absolutely instances where a thicker skin should be grown. I can think of a number of situations where that can happen, such as if people are having a civil discussion about things they disagree about, but because one of the parties feels uncomfortable, they start throwing pretty rough accusations or virtue signaling to try and make the conversation end as quickly as possible. I get it. It can feel super icky and squirmy if someone has a different viewpoint from ours. Sometimes it’s really hard just to say, “Hey, I feel a little cornered. I wanna check in that we’re both still feeling okay about this, and if we’re not, then I’d like to agree to disagree. We can just leave it here with mutual respect, all right?”

But there’re also times where it really doesn’t come down to someone being overly sensitive. It comes down to downright meanness and rudeness.

Let’s be honest. There is a very high probability that you and I both know what’s being talked about. I don’t have to spell it out. So let’s be frank with each other. If you go through one of these tags, post after post of insightful, creative, loving, funny, interesting commentary, and not a single rude or mean thing to be said. The other one, a similar situation, but interspersed with just outright rude, mean, and intentionally inflammatory comments that absolutely did not need to be put in the tag at all. There seems to be this belief that certain characters or ships are disliked with an equal amount of vehemence, like two warring factions. This is clearly not accurate.

This isn’t a situation where someone just needs to grow a thicker skin. If there is a ship/character tag that is completely left alone by the people who don’t care for it versus a ship/character tag that keeps getting rudeness filtered in every so often, this doesn’t mean that the latter group of enjoyers should just…not experience annoyance about it nor withhold expressing that annoyance. And again, there is a distinct difference between civil discussion/disagreement/opposing opinions and intentionally inflammatory statements. I like to believe that people can generally tell the difference between them and react accordingly.

Everyone is free to express their own thoughts on this platform as long as they’re not against TOS. We all know this and we all respect this. This applies also to how we choose to use tags. There is a generally understood etiquette that if you’re saying something just outright mean about a character or a ship, you don’t put it in that specific tag. This is not a requirement. No one is asserting that it is. It’s just a polite courtesy because we recognize that tags are used by the people who browse those characters/ships because they enjoy them, so we don’t typically like to rain on their parade.

But this also means that if someone says something rude—if someone walks into somebody’s sandbox and kicks sand in their eyes—then they have no room to whine if that person stands up and complains about it, and they really have no excuse for doubling down with EXTRA rudeness either. If someone tells us not to tease an animal, and we do it twenty times in a row anyway, then ultimately we are responsible for the fact that we were bitten.

Notably, I am saying this about all people involved in a fandom. Including those who are intentionally inflammatory in the tags of posts where they really did not need to commentate. There's a way to say, "I'm surprised by this and I really don't understand how we got here," without implying that anyone who disagrees is lacking in taste. Again, differing preferences. Respecting them. Standing up and walking away from the keyboard if we experience a big and overwhelming emotion in our chest so we can ensure that we don't just kick a hornet's nest for the sake of feeling personally superior. So anyway! After that big long ramble, I’m happy to say that I agree with you. I just also believe in people’s right to express annoyance—especially if it’s untagged and on their own blog—when someone shows up and, again, kicks the sand around. And hell, for all I know, maybe you agree with that too and I made some assumptions about this ask out of habit due to some particularly awful anon asks that I’ve gotten recently. But I’d really, really like it if there was less sandkicking all around because, y’all, I really like it here. I love all of these characters and ships so fucking much. You only have to glance at my AO3 page to see that. And I’d really like to keep having fun with you all instead of flinching every time Tumblr yet again recommends me a super intentionally inflammatory post in a tag that I follow.

#again i really am sorry that i have to flinch and question if this was sent in good faith or not #especially if you and i are often interacting in other spaces then you probably know that i really don't like to stir things up #and i try to believe that everyone is approaching a conversation with the best intentions at heart #it's the anon of it all that makes me nervous and i hope you can understand that and forgive me for being cautious #am i a soft hearted person who really wishes we could just be polite as a society and have conversations? yes absolutely #i've been in too many fandom trenches to want otherwise #i know i know i will not survive the winter etc you don't have to remind me what happens to overly compassionate people #but i've taken direct personal sometimes painful action to make sure i don't turn into the kind of person that i hate to be around #and i would really like to see other people do the same #my ramblings

[ei-mugi]

im not a even a fan of the "hellaverse" but i have seen helluva boss and with all the twitter uproar over the hazbin ep4 leaks i went and found a reaction video of the full ep on yt so i could see how bad it really was and. jesus christ. theres certainly analysis of the visuals that could be had regarding the original criticisms but for me the episode was more like... 1. angel dust is the exact same character as fizzarolli 2. hellaverse is never going to break away from writing its characters like a whump fic is it and 3. this is an absolutely horrible portrayal of sex workers. vivienne pleaseeeee get your head out of the yaoi bin and remind yourself of like. women and misogyny. and stop writing all your sex worker/sexually abused (notice how that is grouped together) characters in the same way. sex workers arent all victims who need to be saved from their jobs

#sorry i just already had a ton of thoughts on how poorly i thought fizzarolli was written #half for the writers riding too much on whump standards and thus ignoring the glaring fundamental issues in his life #and then blaming all of his problems on being cutely insecure #but also in the like. misogyny. i get it we fandomers like yaoi but please. HOW could you look at those 2 women villains #in s2e7 and decide that was okay. that was egregious #ive just been thinking about this shit way too much and i kind of want to dump a proper analysis of it but also. sigh. #do i REALLY want to be blogging about hazbin and helluva #then again i also feel the need to say stuff because im willing to bet that anyone on YT whos making hellaverse analysis #isnt familiar with whump and like. as someone who enjoys whump i think it should be required reading for understanding how narratives like #fizzarollis are constructed #because there are very obvious tropes and character archetypes being taken directly from whump-style stuff and it is NOT good in this mediu #as much as i enjoy a bit of catharsis you cant just carry over the same stuff from it and expect your audience to suspend their disbelief i #the same way. because once you start thinking about the actual politics and personal implications of it... #well. you end up with a poorly written show with poorly written characters that inadvertently end up being misogynistic #sigh. if someone wants me to i can share my thoughts on this #i dont entirely hate the hellaverse im more ambivalent on it i guess. i did like some parts of it but as a whole its not my thing #i am someone who enjoys thinking about this stuff and doing some casual textual analysis though #so i cant help thinking about this stuff when watching or reading anything

[camelliagwerm]

Magni/Anora has been making me go lowkey insane for the past 24hrs ngl lads.

#harper.txt #i imagine first and foremost it is a political match and both are aware of it. #yet in the 6 months between the dao epilogue and awakening they start caring for each other #and regularly write letters to one another. not just to keep one another updated but for companionship too #erlina being sent away some mornings because anora is letting her husband braid her hair in the dwarva style #magni dedicating a proving victory to his new queen when one is held after he is declared a paragon #anora adjusting to the fact she is a stepmother to two dwarven children and even arranging visits to orzammar so #they can see their papa on their birthdays and accompanying him #even witch hunt - magni goes through the mirror to meet kieran but... #he's moved on from morrigan. and she accepts that #and after a short time with kieran and morrigan he makes the decision to return to anora. #tells her the truth about how they and loghain both survived the blight and anora #in all her practicality and sensibility #smiles slightly and tells him. i am glad you did. you spared me the grief of losing my father #and i have become quite fond of you too #sorry this is an essay in the tags but know i'm going deranged tonight #pair: magni x anora

[lucky-numberme]

found out a popular literary magazine website has been using a piece of my fanart as the header for their Hallowoods page without crediting me 🙃🙃🙃🙃

#it's an old piece and an exercise so i was both too young and too insecure to watermark it when I did it #I contacted them politely to be like ''Hey. Credit me. This is not ok.'' #if they don't credit me i shall simply have to put them on blast #reprehensible behavior especially from something supposedly founded to support writers and artists #this is like when i found out people were stealing my (already not lucrative) Redbubble designs #sorry for being angy on main y'all but alas i am LIVID #lucky rambles

[castielsprostate]

words are confusing me and im gonna be sad in tags

#yeah here i go #in the tags #idk man #i feel like no one.. likes me? like I don't know. like im just not a likeable person #and that people don't want to be around me and just like. idk. theyre just being polite or smth i feel so left out a lot of the time #and i know im very much a lot to blame for that im very unsociable. rusty people skills? no? okay. #but like. idk. no one really. like. goes out of their way to talk to me? and thats not smth that should matter. i know people have their #own lives and their own things. but dont call me your friend if you're not even gonna like say hi once in a while #and its not like these people dont text or are Like Me™ they text others ALL the TIME #like #is it me? am i the problem? is it the way i look or smile or talk? or is the things i say or do or not do or not say? #and if it was a one off its like whatever that's not Me™ but if its so many people in a row and over the years its like #its me right? im the problem its me? im the common denominator here. it cant not be me anymore #and it doesnt help whatsoever that where i live no one speaks their goddamn fucking mind like SAY IT TO MY FACE #dont have me crying about you at 1am because youre too much of a coward to say you dont like me im grown up i can handle it #ill still cry but like. not as much? not as painfully. it wont feel like whatever i give is been stomped on because Im Not Good Enough #sorry #rant over #sjonnie brainrot #sjonnies sad wanks

[batfamfucker]

My sleep schedule is very fucked. Deadass passed out at like 8AM and woke up at 6PM. Passed out again and actually got up at 9PM. I cannot sleep now and have two lectures tomorrow and maybe work

#It's reading weel next week but I cannot keep missing classes because of insomnia #Fam I need good attendance to get accepted onto a study abroad year #And I'm already struggling with the finances and grades of that like please don't make me worry about attendance too #A bitch is fighting for her life lmao #I have two essays due in like two weeks and we're only a month into the uni year and I know not how to write them #My grandma is also in hospital and she managed to catch covid in hospital 🙃 I'm very annoyed at the negligence of that #She is very weak anyway to the point they've put her on a DNR. And now she has covid too #If Covid takes its toll. Then that's it. They're not going to save her. #Sorry for the vent it's just been. A busy first few weeks #I'm very tired and very broke rn and my only source of joy is hoping I get to go on the year abroad next year #I wanna study in the US because that's where all the acting schools/jobs are. Worried? Yes. Worth it? Also yes #I know the USA is a hellhole politically so I'm also looking at safe states (Like where abortion is legal for example) but also. #It's landscape it highkey stunning #And I do like a lot of the stuff/opportunities there. Just not the people #These tags are all over the place. Anyway #Death tw #Hospital tw #Covid tw #Also my ADHD meds ran out like four days ago and the prescription delivery is taking too long because I moved to uni #Local Bitch Having Hard Time Amongst Already Being Unmedicated. More At 2. AM Rather Than PM Probably. #I have been living off of potatoes and tears. #Sweet potato fries slap and I am a great chef tho so slay for me I guess