#also why i‘m so annoying abt being nice and telling people i like them tho

[hanarchy]

mutual: vagueposts

me: this is about me, I did something wrong like always and now everyone will hate me

#LOVE that old feeling of having been a badly bullied child lol #if i seem cool nowadays its because i have trained intensely and through my entire life to seem unaffected #the truth is i am always affected and literally fucking terrified or incredibly sad 90% of the time #like literally i seem very calm irl and i am bc of depression detachment and the general inability to process feelings #but the truth is i am… 12 and entering a classroom where everyone laughs at me and calls me names for literally just sitting down #idk how to express this but like #i always think that i am doing things wrong in everyone‘s eyes #and i never know /what/ it is #bc that was the defining experience of my life so far both at home and in school and i just #aahhh wow old trauma really back in full force these last few days #sorry sorry sorry for trauma dumping ig #but yeah its part of what i use this blog for #also why i‘m so annoying abt being nice and telling people i like them tho #bc it‘s the clearest way to like…. make sure people DONT have to feel that way? #idk #this isnt even trauma dumping im just talking lmao #but idk what to call it so here we are lmao