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nativehueofresolution · 3 years

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i think it’s so fascinating how mj is someone who is naturally empathetic and easily picks up on the feelings of others, but she is not someone for whom being kind is always easy or automatic. it’s a skill she has to work for, and something she gets better at as she grows. and it’s part of why i love her so much.

(image heavy meta under the cut)

mj in general is uncannily perceptive and finds it second nature to put herself in someone else’s shoes--part of the reason being an actress makes perfect sense for her character. in spectacular spider-man 85, there’s a small gag where mj tells peter he looks troubled, and peter responds “tell me about it”, only for mj to go “okay!” and immediately list off the reasons why he’s upset. peter notes that mary jane “read [him] like a book” (keep in mind at this point they’d been broken up after peter’s failed first proposal and had fallen out of touch, and mj still doesn’t miss a step).

with peter/mj being one of the cornerstone relationships for spider-man, it’s not hard to find moments throughout their time together where mj reads peter in a way no one else can--she’s one of the few people in the world that peter completely opens up to. but i think it’s notable that she still is attuned to peter’s emotions before they become close. she’s there for peter as they grieve over gwen together--most famously in the epilogue for tasm #122, but also in lots of smaller ways. she’s the only one who notices peter struggling to get through school after gwen passes, and she seeks him out when he isolates himself, repeatedly inviting him out of his shell.

(tasm #124)

but we don’t just see her do this with peter; she also steps in to help liz after harry dies, despite the way their relationship fractured once mary jane started suspecting harry was acting as the goblin.

(web of spider-man #101)

she sees past may’s folksy surface and seeming frailty, acknowledging the many difficulties she’s endured and the will of steel she has.

(spectacular spider-man #186)

she uses her class clown routine to help cheer gwen up after her father dies.

notably, she also is the first one to realize gwen has run off after flash gets into a fight, and she volunteers to be the one to go after gwen--admitting that even though it’s unlikely she’ll get through to gwen, she still feels like she has to try. meanwhile peter, the guy gwen was on the verge of marrying, was too caught up in his own feelings to check in with her.

(spider-man: death and destiny #2)

she defends peter and harry for being standoffish after gwen dies and harry overdoses.

(tasm #125)

she has a real sense for when people are hurting or in need, and when you put all of this together, mj starts to sound like a saint. and she is an incredibly compassionate and supportive person! but harry’s above reaction- while cruel and possessive -- isn’t coming out of nowhere. the end of their relationship was pretty terrible. mary jane flirted with peter a lot after gwen left him to go to england, and it clearly made harry feel hurt. there are lots of ways you can interpret her actions--she never considered their relationship to be serious, her feelings for peter were already present, she was trying to give harry a reason to end things between them. x-men/spider-man #1 has gwen suggest it’s a sort a reverse psychology mind trick to keep harry’s attention on her (something peter also suggests in another issue), and mj more or less agrees with her. regardless of her motive, she’s told multiple times that her behavior is hurting harry, and she keeps doing it. his anxiety about their relationship is part of what leads to him to start taking drugs. when she does eventually dump him, mj tells harry he’s “always been good for a few laughs”, but shouldn’t let it go to his head... words clearly designed to sting.

to be absolutely clear, harry had lots of his own issues that had nothing to do with her (including his deep insecurity that could often make him an insecure jerk), and mary jane isn’t responsible for anyone’s actions besides her own. but i do think it’s notable that she was dismissive of harry’s feelings and the fact she was hurting him, even though it’s repeatedly made clear in other issues mj does love harry as a friend; interestingly, she also had similar, though less extreme, behavior with flash when she and peter were dating.

(mj in tasm #97 / mj in tasm #162)

the difference here is that we get more insight into mj’s feelings and mindset, as her character has become more developed. when peter confronts flash about flirting with his girlfriend, he learns mary jane had been hiding the fact she and peter were seeing one another from flash. both of them are upset (peter acts just as petty and jealous as harry did), and mj describes just seeing peter again as “something that took more courage than i thought i had”. but she shows up anyways, and she and peter actually communicate with one another.

(tasm #165)

mj flirting with flash is just a reaction to all the messy and contradictory feelings being that come with being in a relationship, and the specific issues that are present in a relationship with peter. but the fact that she can explain all of this peter shows she’s still pretty in touch with her emotions, and it seems like a part of her suspected all along something like this would happen, as she tells betty in tasm #130 that she doesn’t want to fall in love with peter because she likes him too much. she’d rather keep things simple, even if it damages the relationship.

(also, just to be clear-- mj wants a real relationship. in web of spider-man #6, when she and peter are split up, she bemoans her single life and thinks longingly of what it would be like to be married and start a family. of what it’d be like to be with peter. but she cuts herself from this dreaming, because she says it’s useless to think of something she’ll never be brave enough to pursue.)

another prime example of this ‘being alone is easier’ attitude is how she acts around her sister gayle - whether it be leaving her to do the chores while she danced and played when they were growing up, or refusing to live with gayle after their mom died and running off to aunt anna’s. by the time we get to mj’s backstory, we as readers have started to get inside her head and listen to her inner monologues, so we know at this point that mary jane cares deeply about her loved ones and is acting out of fear and self-preservation because of the trauma she’s been through. but mj is also careful to show none of that to her sister, instead just putting up a “party girl” wall.

(spider-man: parallel lives)

mary jane is, once again, the only one noticing her brother-in-law feels trapped by the news of expecting a child, and it reminds her all the abandonment and forgotten dreams that have caused her family so much pain. in this case, empathizing with timmy - seeing his pain - caused mary jane to rudely brush off her pregnant sister, because she couldn’t handle being vulnerable about her feelings or getting involved in another tense family fight. it’s easier just to keep them at arm’s length.

(spider-man: parallel lives)

yes, mj can read people... but that doesn’t automatically mean she’s going to know how or even want to reach out to them. that’s the emotionally heavy stuff we know terrifies her. she’s just as likely to self-sabotage as she is to reach out to someone if she knows they’re dealing with something serious.

why do i bring this up? because it makes mj a richer, more human character, and it also makes her acts of kindness even more meaningful. it is very hard for mj to let herself become emotionally involved. even when she can read someone is hurting in a situation, she doesn’t automatically become considerate or comforting, even with people she loves.

that’s why her choice in tasm #122 is so outstanding--it’s not what mj wants to do, but she makes the choice to commit to peter and stay there for the hard parts. she chooses to be peter’s friend, she chooses to rekindle their relationship and marry him, she choose to stay with him even when their marriage is harder than she ever imagined. she’s a fierce friend to harry, even after everything that’s happened between them. she welcomes him back to school, she doesn’t give up on him when he’s the goblin, she notices he’s living out of his store when norman cuts him off and makes sure he has a place to go. she becomes so close with may that, after peter’s presumed dead, may calls mj peter’s great gift to her, and the reason she has to keep on living. she helps keep gwen’s memory alive. she chooses the people she loves. the fact that she fails, that she’s scared, doesn’t make her stop trying. she does it over and over again, and that’s what so heroic about her.

(tasm #275)

#mary jane watson #mj watson #petermj #peter x mary jane #spiderman #meta #marvel #kaitlin speaks

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sixteenthshen · 3 years

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post-finale stuff

Possible spoilers. Beware

Last night, I happened to check the scriptwriter's Weibo and saw that she had liked this fan's post. It's the only non-work related Weibo post that she had liked, so of course, I went to read it.

The fact that this is the only fan post she's given her approval to must mean that it is on point and she agrees with the characterisation. I thought it's pretty good, so I've gone ahead to translate it here. I own 0 rights to this. I just thought it's a good perspective that may help others like me who struggled with the ending.

I think I've mostly made my peace with it now, and to sum it up:

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they are.

A-Xu never once blamed Lao Wen for how things turned out because he understood that. And he’s clearly a better person than I am (lol).

Let me be clear about my stand - the real victim of how the drama unfolded in the last six episodes is WKX. When we feel our hearts ache for ZZS, it's because the show let down WKX (the character). If your heart is only hurting for WKX during episodes 33-34, you should try to ship WKX with someone else, ok? If you think the last six episodes were great and that WKX was very romantic (and only romantic), then I honestly don't know what to say.

I ship wenzhou. That means I like both Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu. I want them to love each other, be good to each other and live happily ever after. And I want them not to be OOC.

The rest behind the cut. Spoilers for the whole drama.

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First, the source. Here is a link to that Weibo post, by 爱吐槽的栗小姐. I will delete this if requested by the OP - because this is really in a grey area imo. But I think the intention of a public post is for it to be shared? (especially something like this, which argues a point)

Secondly, the poster does try to be fair in her post, but as the problem here is WKX's ruined characterisation, ZZS's character is analysed primarily concerning this issue only. There's quite a bit left to ZZS's character and backstory that isn't relevant. I believe that's why the post doesn't elaborate on it, or so I hope.

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Ever since WKX faked his death, I received three to four waves of fellow sister fans' mournful wails: "Lao Wen actually faked his death; does he have a heart?" "They were supposed to be of the same heart and treat each other with honesty. How did they regress?" "What happened to their innate soulmate-ness?" "Why does A-Xu always say to face things together, yet Lao Wen always keeps his plans from him?" "A-Xu loves Lao Wen, yet Lao Wen only loves himself"…….

Wait. What have you guys misunderstood about the meaning of soulmates?

Soulmates are about values, but a person's behaviour… that's methodology FFS!

(Do they no longer teach this in political affairs class in high school anymore?)

Wenzhou, these soulmates, are incomparably compatible and mesh well in terms of values. According to the scriptwriter, the entire jianghu wants and tries to get the pieces of Glazed Armour, save the two of them. Not only do they not care for the peerless martial arts, immense power, nor the massive wealth that the Glazed Armour represents, they don't even care for the power they hold in their hands –Ghost Valley and the Window of Heaven. Both of them willing to give it up without a second thought.

Before they met each other, they were so tired of (ZZS) and so angry at (WKX) this earthly world that they didn't even want to live on anymore.

After they met each other, they gradually began to feel the warmth in this world again. How nice it would be if they could live in seclusion, hand in hand and just bask in the sun.

In this world, where everyone else is fighting for power or wealth, they are true soulmates. To intelligent people like them, whether or not they're honest about their identities or secrets is merely a matter of formality. They had already determined their attraction to the other's soul early on and have never doubted it.

There may be some here who would criticise loudly at this point, "Then can't you be more considerate for your soulmate (the actual phrased used is "spiritual companion")? A-Xu has said many times, let's face everything together, I'll bet that you will be honest with me. If you really love him, then why can't you care for his feelings?"

----- You guys, you've never been married.

If two souls meeting can naturally resolve all behavioural conflicts and disagreements, then the theory of "breaking in" * would not exist.

Let us take a look at what kind of a person WKX and ZZS each are.

Wen Kexing, he's a lone wolf.

After his parents' death and his entering the Ghost Valley, his smooth sailing life suddenly fell off a cliff. Ever since then, the only person he could rely on was himself. That deep-seated hatred is carved into his bones, yet he can't speak of it to anyone else. He isn't the same type of person as the rest of the ghosts in the Ghost Valley; he isn't the same type of person as A-Xiang, who he raised. If we talk about the world and everyone who lives in it, he doesn't have any fetters or feels any (positive) emotions.

His supposed craziness is a form of indifference. He's indifferent to others' lives, nor his own, because he just doesn't care. (T/N: I think he does care for his own life, but only for revenge, after that, he's indifferent. Indifferent isn't suicidal. I don't know why some fans seem to be confusing the two. Although he didn't plan to, if he somehow manages to stay alive after getting his revenge, WKX will continue to live on, even if it's only to keep A-Xiang happy because he is indifferent.)

Growing up like this, being solitary became his style. He's used to doing everything alone, used to making his own decisions, used to digesting all his emotions himself.

Every time he argues with A-Xu, he digests his emotions himself. The next day, he faces A-Xu with a smile again.

This is how he loves, to take it upon himself to face danger, difficulty and pain alone. It's how he had supported A-Xiang all these years in the Ghost Valley and what he's used to.

While Zhou Zishu, he's a lead horse (of a herd). **

Since a very young age, he's taught to take responsibility. He's used to bearing everything on his shoulders, be it the responsibility of his family or the responsibility for the Four Seasons Manor, even the responsibility for saving commoners from disasters.

Unlike the lone wolf, the lead horse is ultimately a social animal.

Regardless of his identity as the Manor Lord of the Four Seasons Manor or the Leader of the Window of Heaven, he's always the one to lead the herd and rarely fights alone. So, A-Xu not only has leadership ability but more than that, he also knows how to be tolerant and accepting of the differences of his team members. You can see the various ways he managed to influence Lao Wen along the road; he's firm when he needs to be and soft the other times. It's absolutely textbook in managing your lover workplace management.

Zhou Zishu believes in communication whenever there's a problem, that they should be open and honest. So, teamwork is what he's used to.

Does it mean that when a horse and lone wolf fall in love, that there won't be a breaking in period?

Obviously not.

I guess this is where some may say again, "isn't this part of a character's arc/development? The two of them quarrel time and time again. Did WKX not grow at all from it?"

Of course, after meeting each other, they both grew and saved each other.

When he first left Window of Heaven, A-Xu was lonely with regret. Unlike the lone wolf who's used to doing everything alone, a lead horse without the last of his herd has no way to bear the bone-deep loneliness and merciless self-recrimination.

ZZS wandered around this world aimlessly until Lao Wen started pestering him, until he picked up Zhang Chengling, right up until he felt he hadn't singlehandedly destroyed the Four Seasons Manor. This lead horse finally regained a goal in life. He gained a partner and a lover. Lao Wen sticks to him, Chengling relies on him, and the abandoned Four Seasons Manor became like-new in his hands. He finally reconciles with himself.

When he first came out of the valley, Lao Wen carried a rage strong enough to burn the world down. But when he met A-Xu, he also met the beauty of the world.

When the Four Sages of Anji died, WKX understood how he caused innocent suffering. When Gao Chong walked to his death knowingly, he understood that although some may desire power, they could still be righteous and upstanding people. When he learned of everything Long Que sacrificed to protect his family***, he finally relaxed his guard.

There were so many types of good people and things that he saw along this journey that he hadn't seen in the Ghost Valley. When A-Xu told him he was a good person as they basked in the sun, he genuinely wanted to return to the human (vs ghost) realm and be a good man.

Along their journey, A-Xu made up for the morals and values that WKX lost in the Ghost Valley and showed him a new world outlook. He appeased Lao Wen's anger, tempered his extremism. The process wasn't easy, but not that difficult either, because, in the end, Lao Wen is kind at heart.

But in the end, being a lone wolf is how he survived and succeeded in a place like the Ghost Valley. When A-Xu was so heavily injured and needed a lot of rest (for Wu Xi) to save his life, Lao Wen suddenly recalled his enemies and how such an excellent opportunity to take revenge just fell into his lap. Everything was in place, and all he needed to do was hide it from A-Xu; he could leave for a short while and have it settled quickly. Upon returning, he could then live happily ever after with his wife. To a crazy lone wolf, why would he not take a gamble?

What he couldn't predict was the news would've been leaked (to A-Xu), and he didn't know that by doing so, he would've forever lost his love.

Both of them were using their own methods to love the other person. Zhou Zishu is more forgiving and accepting because being forgiving is in his blood. While what WKX learned in his years in the Ghost Valley is -- love needs to be protected, like how he has A-Xiang, who he considers a sister, call himself master (to protect her).

Only when faced with painful consequences can a person's deep-rooted habits and approach to things change. So I don't think faking his death ruined the characterisation of Wen Kexing, but I regret that the last two episodes did not have a scene to show us Lao Wen's heartbreak when he learns the truth.

Until I know what it feels like to have lost you, I will only love you in my own way.

T/N:

*I can't think of the correct phrase for this as I don't read all that much about relationships >< please let me know if you know of it. Here, I'm referring to the process of wearing something new (like shoes) that will hurt at the start until it becomes soft and comfortable.

** I did some side-reading, and omg, A-Xu is TOTALLY the lead mare. Although he's not the stallion and weak/dying for most of the show, he's the head of their little family, and he expects "to be obeyed", aka, I'm not going to learn how to cook. Call me for dinner. Kthxbye.

From Rutgers' website: A herd of wild horses consists of one or two stallions, a group of mares, and their foals. The leader of the herd is usually an older mare (the "alpha mare"), even though one stallion owns the herd. She maintains her dominant role even though she may be physically weaker than the others. The older mare has had more experiences, more close encounters, and survived more threats than any other horse in the herd. The requirement of the lead horse is not strength or size; if this were so, then humans could never dominate a horse. Dominance is established not only through aggression but also through attitudes that let the other horses know she expects to be obeyed.

***I think this is important here because WKX wasn't crying for his loss. I think a big part of him was realising not everyone in the world was callous and turned their backs on his parents, that he could've gone his whole life without ever discovering what sacrifices some people have made. Good people suffer quietly and in silence. It's a big moment to realise he was wrong about many things that he had let hatred blind himself to the world. Because although he was sad about the Four Sages and somewhat shocked by Gao Chong's death, he hadn't truly faced up to his actions until now.

(screenshot of the scriptwriter liking the above post)

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To add:

I'm not sure how many of you read my "opinion" posts, but I've been struggling to find a way to accept the last six episodes of Word of Honor. I first tried looking at open forum postings, comments, and Tumblr posts. None of it worked because it was just arguing and emotions and no one made points good enough for me to accept things.

So I gave up and went back to reading Chinese sites. I found many posts discussing the plot. Some I liked, some I didn't, but none satisfied my need for a reasonable explanation. I felt they had biases (both ways), or else it lacked logic. After a time, I realised that I should be looking for WKX-stans (or pro-WKX fans) because they would be more motivated to explain his side, but also because well-written posts by wenzhou-fans & ZZS-stans made me super sad.

I'm sorry, but those who keep trying to explain why the ending was good completely missed that episodes 32-34 are the real problem to those who don't like it and only focused on 36. I can understand if people don't think those episodes are a problem, but no one could provide an articulate and sensible reason. There are just too few well-reasoned plot-focused posts in English (sorry). I've seen too many examples of WKX-fans arguing with people who are upset about the ending, backed by nothing more than "look how much WKX suffers, woe is him. And how romantic is this????" *dies*

Lastly, if you spot anything inaccurate, let me know & I will correct it.

#word of honor #word of honor meta #wenzhou #opinion #i think this counts as meta #if you think the drama did WKX justice #and that he can do no wrong #in the last 6 episodes #....#......#srsly #you can't claim to ship wenzhou #& think the last 6 eps are perfect

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silenthillmutual · 4 years

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daniil dankovsky is autistic and here’s why:

because i’m autistic and i said so

i kid, obviously. what sort of autistic person would i be if i wasn’t read to back up my silly little claim with an overly long post of evidence a total of three people will read? (hi ned hi jordan hi raven :))

i’m aware that this is cringey because adults aren’t supposed to have autism or interests or talk about either of those things, but this is my blog and you are free to block me if the cringe is too much for you.

these are some things i picked out from the DSMV’s diagnostic criteria, found on the CDC website:

deficits in social-emotional reciprocity

reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect

abnormal social approach

abnormalities in eye contact and body language

defecits in […] understand[ing] relationships

difficults adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts

repetitive motor movements or speech

rigid thinking patterns

highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus

hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input

there’s also some misc. stuff not in the diagnostic criteria (though it may be in the adir or gars-3) i thought was worth noting.

important note from the diagnostic criteria: “symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning”. i’d say that in his case, they do.

spoilers for pathologic classic, pathologic 2, and the marble nest

deficits in social-emotional reciprocity

in bachelor route of classic, daniil

seems completely oblivious to eva making advances toward him, to the point where she complains to him that he’s ignoring her in favor of asking questions about simon.

seems surprised when people mention maria being in love with him, despite outright asking her a couple of times if she’s flirting with him.

not to mention the fact that he asks her that at all.

his inability or resistence to making connections with others is typically considered one of his character flaws. although it is not outright stated in the dsmv criteria, one trait of autism and other neurodivergencies is “having extremely high or extremely low empathy” - and daniil, despite being a doctor, lacks empathy. which is not to say he doesn’t care at all. i think that he does, but is terrible at showing it.

for example, this scene from marble nest:

Sticky: You must feel terrible… right? That’s fine. I forgive you. You just got confused… Adults always do. Daniil: Oh yes, adults are always occupied with the most asinine nonsense. Like feeling anxious that a bunch of urchins keep roaming the streets, putting themselves in mortal danger!

daniil clearly cares about sticky’s wellbeing (and the wellbeing of the kids looking after him, though he’s not cognizant that he’s in a coma), but his way of showing it is… kind of by being a jerk. all of which bleeds into the next item on the list

reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect

he has no problem sharing his interests, but in both pathologic classic & pathologic 2, daniil speaks with a flat affect - which is to say that he lacks intonation. the words we read him saying may be dramatic or come across as passionate, but the actual voice reading his lines is very monotone, which may contribute to being read as lacking emotion.

and in pathologic 2, he has a voiceline lamenting not telling “her” (eva?) how he felt

in marble nest, he’s teased by the tragedians for being “heartless”:

Tragedian: Maybe. Possibly. But it’s useless to explain to a heartless man. …Take heart, Excellency! If you ever find it, that is. And then come back to us… Even though it all sounds like a rather implausible turn of events.

abnormal social approach

daniil has a tendency to say things that are tactless, odd, or just socially inappropriate. i probably don’t need to point out too many examples, as i think it’s fairly obvious - these are the things people love to pick at when it comes to him, but i do have a few in mind. like, for example, from haruspex route in classic:

Haruspex: What of the antibodies essential for making a serum? Bachelor: I don’t know for sure yet, I’ll send you a report in a few hours. Don’t go about cutting people’s hearts out for your panacea until then. It’s a… controversial solution, you know… Haruspex: What?! Do you even hear yourself? Bachelor: Sorry! I meant no offence… it was just a momentary lapse of… well, you know. Haruspex: None taken.

until artemy points out, daniil doesn’t seem to be aware he just said something rude. even with therapy, picking up on social cues doesn’t come naturally to people with autism, so we tend to say things that come across as rude or strange to others without realizing we’ve put them off. we tend to lack a “filter” that tells us when things are or are not appropriate to say. even when we may recognize it, the rules may not make any sense to us. for example, it makes very little sense that allistics favor politeness over honesty.

i think the glaringly obvious abnormal social approach in pathologic 2 is him threatening to hold artemy at gunpoint to get in the house, which is just overkill, but my personal favorite comes on day 7, when he’s complaining about the orders aglaya has given him. artemy stops him to say he doesn’t understand what daniil wants from him, to which daniil replies:

From you? Oh, nothing. I was just sharing.

to daniil, they were just having a normal conversation. but some part of this - his tone or his words or maybe even his body language - didn’t give artemy the impression that this was supposed to be a regular conversation. (we could, in fact, attribute the same idea to artemy here; why didn’t artemy pick up that this was a normal conversation? the reason i count it towards daniil is because artemy doesn’t seem to have this problem with anybody else. for the record: i don’t think artemy is neurotypical either.)

abnormalities in eye contact and body language

it’s hard to get proof of this in video games, but i will say i think it’s very funny that in pathologic 2 daniil’s idle animations are “pacing”, “sitting like he desperately wants to start bouncing his knees but is stopping himself from doing it”, and “standing unnaturally still” - but there you go. i don’t know anything about making gifs, or i’d gif this one specific talk menu idle he does where he holds eye contact for about three seconds, looks away uncomfortably, and then looks back out of the corner of his eyes.

deficits in […] understand[ing] relationships

mostly examples from his route in classic:

when the army arrives, he can claim to block that aglaya, whom he’s known for two days, is his best friend

he seems baffled by the fact that everone is smitten with maria and working with her, and seems equally baffled by the idea that she’s smitten with him

despite eva implying on day two that she is in a relationship with andrey, is completely blindsided by the revelation on day 6, asking him, “How in the world is she ‘your woman’?”

i’d also like to use his sign-off on his letter to artemy, day 2 of the haruspex route - he signs it as “Your friend (hopefully)”. i know i’m not the only autistic person who used to ask people if we were friends or not. pro tip, if you’ve never done this: don’t. it really weirds people out.

difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts

the fact that he stands out is blatantly obvious even in pathologic 2 and in the haruspex route of classic. people will comment on him being an outsider and mention that they don’t trust him. but you can watch it happen in real time in his route, because he never fully acclimates to the town. he says something about this to aglaya on day 7:

Bachelor: Was there any particularly notable backstory? I’m deadly tired of all these people. They’re inhuman. They tell the future, believe in walking zombies, and die in all manners of painfully abnormal ways. Inquisitor: Your line of t hinking is obviously falacious - and I was implying something rather mundane. I promise you, no one can really tell the future around here: and neither are deaths inspired by third parties uncommon. Mysterious phenomenons do occur here sometimes… but hardly more often than anywhere else.

actually, there’s an example of him saying something similar to artemy on day 5 in pathologic 2:

Damn this town… I feel I’m trapped in a nightmare. The absurdity of it all… There’s no one to talk to. Everyone’s so volatile. They all seem to want to help, but… their help is worse than hostility.

some of this can be explained by the town’s strangeness, but keep in mind that the first instance happens after he’s been there and involved in the ongoing for an entire week, and the second at nearly a week in. clearly he’s struggling to adjust to the changes.

it’s also worth noting that his reason for fleeing the town in the nocturnal ending?

I have no place here anymore.

This town is no longer mine. No longer human. No longer rational. It doesn’t… accept the likes of me anymore.

repetitive motor movements or speech

it’s harder to see the motor movements in classic, but remember how i pointed out earlier that he paces? pacing is a form of stimming. murky, who is canonically autistic, can also be found pacing as one of her idle animations. having stock phrases for characters to speak when you come near them already ticks off the box on “repetitive speech”, but that by itself doesn’t really cover what they’re talking about - echolalia.

but you know what this does fit with? “‘quoting’ things(communication is HARD! sometimes we need to take shortcuts and use someone else’s words)“

i’ll get to the more obvious example in a minute - i want to point out something that happens very early in pathologic 2 first. you know how you first meet him and artemy accuses daniil of trying to guilt-trip him by asking if it’s true that isidor would still be alive if artemy had come sooner? keep in mind that he spoke to rubin first. and this is what rubin says, when you get a chance to talk to him:

Yesterday, I was told you had killed your father.

That’s not far from the truth, Burakh.

You betrayed him. You left when he needed you most. He cried out for your help, but you didn’t care. He was in peril, and you were too busy elsewhere, He believed, truly believed, that your arrival would put an end to his troubles. And, as always, he was right.

i’m not saying this was necessarily the game’s intent, but it’s entirely possible daniil is parroting back to artemy exactly what rubin said to him.

now, for what you’re probably expecting in this section: the latin. people love to refer to his use of latin as “random”, so let’s clear that up:

it is not latin daniil has made up. with the exception of latin that is mispelled in the game’s texts, all of them are proverbs or otherwise common sayings. you can find most of them on the wikipedia list of latin phrases, or through a 3-second google search.

he’s a doctor. him having taken latin isn’t anymore strange than a lawyer taking latin. in fact, if you pay attention, artemy also took latin; this is implied when artemy tells him he’s always sucked at it.

his uses of latin actually aren’t random at all. what he says fits the situation, and sometimes is used in place of him having to come up with something to say on his own.

prime example:

Forget it, Burakh. I have a splitting headache. If you have no urgent business, then we’ll talk later. Later, later… Qui non proficit, deficit.

qui non proficit, deficit - he who does not advance, loses ground. in other words, “i’m sorry, but i really do need to keep working.” one of his voice lines.

as for why he doesn’t translate the latin: it probably wouldn’t even occur to him to. these are not obscure sayings. the utopians all have a certain degree of education - what would he need to translate them for?

this bleeds into something that isn’t really mentioned, but that i’ve found i have a lot of trouble with in everyday life. autistic people have a tendency to either overexplain (and then have everyone get mad at you because they feel you’re being condescending) or underexplain (and have everyone get mad at you because you haven’t explained anything). the latin would be a case where it feels like a justified underexplanation. you’ll notice that when it comes to anything scientific, he tends to do the reverse, and overexplain. this also happens in classic, whether artemy has asked him to clarify or not.

rigid thinking patterns

the thing i had marked for this was simply his strict adherence to western medical practices and refusal to acknowledge the supernatural, even when it seems obvious - he has a conversation in his route in classic with yulia about this, and that is in fact how he manages to get to her: by asking saburov if there are any other logical skeptics in town. it should be noted they seem to be breaking with this in pathologic 2, where one of his voicelines is “I’m no positivist. There are things in this world beyond our mundane perception.” i have no idea where they’re planning on going with that.

there’s also a quote floating somewhere around twitter about him having been raised by a military man, and militaries tend to enforce very rigid routines. you could say the same thing of block - who (in classic at least) i also have my suspicions about.

highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus

special interests. the one that should obviously come to mind is thanatology, though i would argue latin if not classics in general is a special interest of his as well - in addition to his usage of latin, he also references pericles in the marble nest and was probably refering to the roman occupation of haruspicy in addition to augurs in the same text. he also makes references to shakespeare more than once in both marble nest and pathologic 2.

hyper- or hyperoreactivity to sensory input

i don’t have much written down for this one but there seem to be several places in classic especially where he asks npcs to stop shouting at him. we don’t really have the privilege to know their volume or how they’re interacting with him, but i think it’s also worth noting that he’s the only one of the healers who wears gloves. in pathologic 2 he’s the only named character i can think of who wears them at all. his thing in the lucid dream about the brain being “a border”? gloves are his border, as is his jacket, which may be worn to cut down on sensory issues.

he will also sometimes seem to “overreact” to the situation at hand - such as in classic, when some dogheads mispeak and say that daniil is going to “sterilize” them, and instead of understanding that they must have mispoken, freaks out over the idea that they think they’re going to be… well… sterilized. or in haruspex route, when his reaction to the inquisitor arriving is to threaten suicide.

miscellaneous

he never goes anywhere without that carpet bag. we don’t see it in pathologic 2, but we do hear about it and he doesn’t let it go for a second in classic - not even in the cutscenes where he’s using the microscope. his bag could be a comfort item.

“getting very attached to things like inanimate objects” could work for the bag - but you know what it actually fits the bill much more obviously? the polyhedron. in the haruspex route he recognizes that it’s a lost cause, but he’s still too attached to it to let it go.

in classic at least, daniil is absolutely terrible at lying. most autistic people either are not good at lying, or feel uncomfortable or anxious with having to lie. when he’s asked by yulia and the kids in the polyhedron to lie to block (for different reasons) he’s clearly uncomfortable with the idea that it’ll work. and when it actually comes time to come up with a way to lie to block about why he needs five rifles, your options are to either buckle and tell him the truth, or simply say that you need them for “self-defense”. block believes that you’re not lying to him, but daniil can’t come up with any embeleshments to explain why he needs what he’s asking for.

Commander: Are you hiding something from me? Bachelor: No.

he comes across as naive to other characters. in classic, capella has a voiceline saying, “The Bachelor is not smart. Intelligent, yes… but not smart.” in Pathologic 2, Daniil complains that Aglaya takes him for “a useless dreamer”. he’s also easily used by the Kains to fulfill their endgame in classic.

my final, and absolute favorite: he takes things way too literally. autistic people (and adhd people, from my understanding) have a hard time differentiating jokes and sarcasm. so my favorite moment in marble nest is a case of him taking that earlier advice - to “take heart” literally, by bringing the tragedians a literal human heart:

Tragedian: Oh… Excellency. What a sordid sight! Sorry for underestimating you. You definitely do have… how shall I put it… a creative touch. But this is pure madness. You can’t take things so literally! Daniil: You wanted me to come back to you with an open heart. Well, here I am. …It looked too fitting to be a coincidence.

your mind map, after this, updates to say “I misunderstood the tragedians.”

conclusion

people don’t stop being autistic with age and i think he’s a good example of what it’s like to be in your late 20s and be autistic. i’m sure i missed things as i haven’t finished haruspex route of classic yet and there may just be some other things he does or says that i missed! if anyone has anything to add they think fits i would love to know, thank you for your time :)

#icarus.txt #autistic daniil dankovsky #daniil dankovsky #pathologic meta #ok to rb but i'm not interest in your ''but he's just weird!'' arguments #please keep in mind that this post is about autism #and that this is written by someone w autism...#popular

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josiecarioca · 3 years

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So first of all I have mad respect for all the thought you put into your OCs! What was your creative process like creating Evelyn Black? What's the most challenging part of writing her?

Aaaaaaw, thank you so much!!! That's awfully sweet of you to say! *hugs*

The process for creating Evelyn? Ooof, that's a complicated one to explain, but bear with me if you will. :D

While I was reading the Harry Potter books/watching the movies, I had all sorts of ideas and concepts, but it wasn´t until I finished with the very last movie and book that I felt motivated to actually write anything and the reason for that boils down to Severus Snape.

I think every Snape fan can agree that there's this tragic and heartbreaking sense of unfairness in his path as a character. Sure, it's a story of redemption, and it's moving, and it speaks to the universal experience of atoning for your "sins", but right from the get go, Snape never really gets a break. His death is particularly tragic... needlessly tragic almost. There´s this tremendous aspect of hopelessness, and just "waste" of a life that could have been lived, but was instead used to the service of a cause and sacrificed in the name of redemption.

Like countless other people, I felt there was potential for so much more. The Prince's tale reveals an aspect (a fundamental one) of Snape´s life: his relationship with Lily. But he remains in many ways a mistery, because aside from that we´re not privy to his inner world.

So this was one first aspect I wanted to explore: Snape outside of the confines of being "Dumbledore´s man" or "eternally repentant for Lily´s death". The only way to do this, was to give him a life after the war, see what he'd do with himself once the one thing that kept him going (protecting Harry) was resolved.

In a way Evelyn was created as a narrative instrument for that. In order to explore Snape outside of his "self-sacrificing" role, he would need another character to interact with. Thing is, Snape is such a complex character, with such a difficult personality and such heavy emotional baggage, that only somebody with as big a personality as him would be able to deal with him.

Then I thought this character had to be a foil of sorts to him, a person who was just as stubborn, just as smart, just as "larger than life", but who unlike him, had the sort of emotional structure he lacks, and enough compassion and understanding to look past all of Severus' (many) issues and actually interact with him on a common ground of respect and possibly affection. In my mind this character had to be new because every character in canon has a complicated backstory with him, and approaching these relationships would also mean returning to the narrative structure I wanted to leave behind. If I wanted to explore Snape in an entirely new situation, then he'd have to interact with a character that posed him with entirely new challenges.

Evelyn´s creation in on itself was easy from that specific starting point. So Evelyn was basically "custom made" so I could use her to explore the aspects of Snape that I wanted to delve in. She´s basically Severus "inverted mirror":

Her grief about Paul vs his grief about Lily: Both feel guilty about losing a loved one, both spend their lives trying to make amends. Both of them punish themselves by taking on more responsibilities that they can handle (emotionally/psychologically), but Severus self-destructs in the process because he has nobody to help him, while Evelyn becomes stronger thanks to her family and friends.

Severus is a half- blood wizard, raised among muggles whose identity is determined by finding a place in a magical community. Evelyn is a muggle (?) who comes from a magical lineage, and has no idea the magical community exists, except for the nagging feeling that she doesn't quite belong in the world where she was born. Both of them have identity issues.

Both Evelyn and Severus are intellectuals, they´re both driven and ambitious, and extremely respected in their respective fields. However, she´s the type of intellectual who thrives on connecting with people, while he prefers to study and work in isolation. Severus´ interpersonal relationships were always problematic. Thought his life he's either been neglected, abused or used by those around him. So he never developed healthy strategies to deal with other people. Evelyn was raised in a supportive family who went above and beyond to make sure she had the emotional support and care she need, so she went through life with the proper tools to form healthy relationships. Basically Evelyn is what Severus could have been, had he been more fortunate

Both of them are hopelessly stubborn, and have strong tempers. But while Severus is a ball of barely contained ressentment, anger and frustration, Evelyn actually has the emotional structure to deal with her issues.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

Also, I mentioned in another post that in "Post War" I wanted to explore a cis, straight Snape, because I wanted to explore the tension between traditional masculinity and non traditional masculinity that I felt was at the core of Snape's canonical traumas. His relationship with Evelyn was perfect for that, because their respective takes of masculine and feminine feed off each other. Basically Evelyn is super feminine, and Severus is a man who´s comfortable with and commforted by femininity. So there´s this aspect of it as well. While in terms of personality, there´s enough "friction" that Severus and Evelyn challenge each other, in terms of sexual politics, they find a common ground in what they have in common and how they find comfort in each other.

As for difficulties....I think the main ones are writing Evelyn´s flaws while still keeping her likeable, and writing her as her own person instead of a plot device to explore Severus.

Evelyn is much more of a "grounded" character than Severus. He's a fantasy character though and through, while she's a bit suspended between fantasy and realism. So many of her flaws are very...mundane. She´s bossy, she holds grudges, she's too blunt, too set in her ways...but at the same time she's caring, generous and compassionate. It´s always challenge to write her as somebody who can on the one hand accept Severus and provide him with care and affection, but also as somebody who doesn´t always trust him (at first at least), who clashes with him, and sometimes drives him bonkers. She´s not supposed to be his saviour, his "magical love interest who will cure his broken heart", she´s just supposed to be a woman who also has her broken pieces to mend and found somebody she can be vulnerable around.

And she has a life outside of him, she has traumas of her own, weaknesses of her own. She loves Severus, but she exists outside of that love: she has her family (and a plethora of complicated relationships with every member of it, particularly her mother), her friends, her professional ambitions, her students. And she challenges Seveerus to be a part of that, instead of just accepting to solely become part of his world...Basically Evelyn is a lovely, generous woman, who can, sometimes, be a bit of a bitch. She´s Severus foil and his path of reconnection with his own identity, but she has an identity of her own she refuses to erase for him. She was born and operates in a non-magical world, but enters a magical world without giving up where she came from.

Balancing all of that is probably the thoughest part about writing her.

#Snapedom #Ask #Snape #severus snape #evelyn black #severus x evelyn #severus snape x evelyn black #severus snape x oc

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retvenkos · 3 years

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Congratulations on the milestone!

🔥 Preferably Merlin, Percy Jackson or Harry Potter

I am a straight girl, a slytherin. I enjoy debating and literature. My zodiac sign is Aquarius. And I most definitely cannot talk about myself in a natural way. I am very opinionated and don't really enjoy fluff (like cute names and all that vanilla acting) though I like romantic actions. I like conflicted characters who are not particularly heroes as well as characters that don't open up straight away.

I am really curious about who you will pair me up with :^)

Congratulations again on the milestone, keep it up 😌😊

alright, just a disclaimer that it’s been a while since i’ve read percy jackson, so i’ll do my best, but my memory of the characters might be a little spotty.

Merlin:

I ship you with Elyan!

alright, so we all know that elyan is the ~mysterious~ knight, and that energy is perfect for you. you have to be at level 100 before he gives you his backstory, and you get to have a lot of fun theorizing about it, and slowly chipping away at his rough exterior. elyan is like, the definition of mysterious with a heart of gold and that’s honestly very iconic of him.

also, elyan would love that you are opinionated and have ambitions of your own - his sister is gwen, after all, so he’s very used to having lengthy debates. he would love to talk with you and have debates - you aren’t afraid to speak your mind, and he loves that about you.

the two of you probably talk a lot at the banquets and festivities that arthur throws as king - elyan finds them enjoyable for the first few moments, but he’s an introvert and needs time alone. the two of you manage to sneak off or at the very least find a quiet area, and you just talk - about anything and everything.

neither of you like to talk about yourselves very much. elyan is modest and he likes to keep up some mystery, and you struggle with talking about yourselves, so you often avoid topics about yourselves.

i imagine that, at some point, elyan asks you about yourself, and you tell him you’re not very good at talking about yourself, and so he says he’ll speak for you, then. and he lists off all of the qualities about you that he loves, and all of the little things he’s noticed, and he’s really spot on. he asks you how he did, and you compliment him and then proceed to tell him all of the things about himself that you have uncovered, and his smile - sort of proud and intrigued - is seared into your memory forever.

anyway, i think the two of you would make a fine couple - you’re both unique and independent, and yet elyan is incredibly loyal and would die for you.

furthermore, elyan, too, is not someone who is super big on excess fluff in a relationship. he’s a more private person, so his acts of love are kept for when the two of you are alone - not when all of camelot is looking. (though he does quite like stolen kisses in the corridors.)

i think that there would be a lot of deep understanding in your relationship, and so when elyan finally opens up to you (it’s after a long while, but when he’s ready, he does), he tells you all about his travels. you are one of the few to actually know all that happened to him in those years when he was alone, and when the other knights find out that you know, they beg you to tell them - percival likes to make guesses and you will either confirm or deny them.

(of course, you’ve confirmed complete lies, and percival has probably realized at this point that elyan did not fight off an entire village that outcasted him, creating a ghost town in his wake, but percival can never be sure which of your confirmed stories are real, and which ones are fake...)

Percy Jackson:

I ship you with Luke Castellan!

first of all, before luke joined kronos, he was actually a well-respected boy. like, camp members loved him - he was kind and had a witty personality, and he cared about the camp members, so he had a lot of loyalty to them. i can see all of this lining up with your personality really nicely.

i think luke would have really loved you! your opinions, your inventive way of thinking, your individuality, and your inexplicable luck? luke finds you fascinating - both kind but honest, both a dreamer but grounded in reality. you are his favorite person to be around, and he loves just watching you in your element.

idk if you are more of a sword fighter, knife fighter, or an archer (or whatever else have you - magic? necromancy perhaps?) but luke likes to watch you in action - you have such a determinedness to you, and you’re extremely clever, so watching you in battle is always fun. you outsmart your opponent and are fierce while doing so.

he also loves to relax with you while you’re reading - you thoroughly immerse yourself in novels, and he likes to watch the expressions cross your face - happiness and sorrow, confusion and excitement, he thinks it’s cute.

your introverted side mixed with his extroverted tendencies would be an interesting mixture - but i feel like luke enjoys his downtime and it wouldn’t be too much of a strain on your relationship.

i so think, though, that luke holds a lot of his cards close to his chest, and he doesn’t open up because he knows he has a lot to hide, and with you... it would be opening the floodgates. you definitely know this, and you want to know what he’s hiding. it’s a source of frustration for the both of you, and working through that is difficult.

Harry Potter:

I ship you with Sirius Black!

now, this was not my first thought, seeing as sirius kind of has it out for slytherin’s in general, but i can actually see this really working, so stick with me

i want to say that you and sirius were childhood acquaintances - maybe you’re from another pureblood family that’s always been in slytherin, and so your families often talk and bring their children along. you and sirius were encouraged to play with one another, and i imagine the two of you didn’t always get along

sirius is outgoing while you are reserved. both of you are a little arrogant (you mostly when it comes to your intellect). neither of you would back away from a fight, and generally you have a lot of tension together. with sirius, your strong opinions become scathing remarks, and your debates become arguments. he just knows how to infuriate you.

and yet, the two of you also seem to gravitate toward each other - in every room, you manage to find sirius and he manages to spot you. it’s irritating.

i imagine that before you head off to hogwarts, your families meet up one last time, and you’re talking about hogwarts, and for once, you aren’t arguing. it’s rare that the two of you share these moments, but it happens every once in a while, and it’s happening again.

neither of you want to be in slytherin (and sirius coaxes this out of you with great difficulty) - you want to be a ravenclaw and he a gryffindor. you’re independent and witty and definitely clever - you could be in ravenclaw, but you also don’t want to betray your family. sirius says that if you end up in ravenclaw, the two of you can be social outcasts together - of course, you’d have to keep your bragging down to a minimum, and your debates, too. they can be awfully annoying. and you tell him alright - but he’d have to keep his pride in check, and that reckless abandon that gets him so often into trouble.

and then you get sorted. and he is in gryffindor. but you’re in slytherin. and part of you mourns just a bit for the connection the two of you could have had - the daring escape from your life that almost was.

and in your house, you’re wonderfully clever, but also introverted and independent, so you often go overlooked (as so many aquarius slytherins do). you often get spared by the pranks that the marauders do just because you hang back from the group, but you get in the thick of some of them, sometimes, and it’s easy to get frustrated at sirius all over again.

at holidays, when sirius returns home, you criticize sirius for his pranks, but the two of you don’t spend as much time together, anymore, and when you do, it’s mostly spent in silence - both of you reading books and avoiding the others gaze. it’s no longer a comfortable rivalry between the two of you - it’s awkward and tense.

i imagine that in your fifth year, the two of you end up being partners in some class or another - potions, maybe, or divination or something. at first, the two of you didn’t talk much, but one day sirius asks about regulus, and that opens up communication again.

and then it’s back to your frustrated debates (now done in whispers, so the teachers don’t hear) and sirius’ cheeky teasing. and occasionally, on days when both of you are sobered or maybe just tired, you have those soft conversations again. and neither of you are great at opening up, but both of you are feeling a little lost and maybe a little trapped, and your friendship grows over the course of the year.

neither of you talk in the halls very much, but he’ll slide into the chair across from you in the library, or he’ll catch you on your way out of the great hall, and slowly, a romance starts between the two of you.

of course, if word got out that you were having romantic feelings for sirius black - blasted off of his family’s tree sirius black - you would be in deep trouble with your family, so the two of you keep it a secret.

it’s rough going, but both of you promise that after school gets out, you will run away together.

of course, fantasys can only live too long, and at some point in your seventh year, your parents want to make you a full on death eater.

i imagine that you are independent, driven, and steadfast in your beliefs enough to run away - you go into hiding from your family and leave hogwarts without graduating, only giving a cryptic message about where you are to sirius, asking him to go and find you when it’s safe.

now, this ending could go a couple different ways - sirius goes to you right after school and you join the order of the phoenix with him, it’s not safe so he has to wait a while and he goes to you after lily and james die (with baby harry ofc because he’s his godfather), or, he only ever makes it back to you after he’s been in azkaban for forever, or, even worse, he never makes it back to you.

oof. that’s rough, buddy.

#2.5k celebration!#celebration #lxncelotships #alright i went off on the sirius one but you can't tell me that story isn't hella interesting #ugh now i want to write a fic about it.......

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nevillel · 4 years

Text

⧼ chella man, trans man, he/him / ask by the smiths + the scent of sun-hot grass under your trainers as you tromp off for an afternoon of exploration, the darkness of the night before only in the back of your mind, not following you into the light; the cable-knit sweater flecked with old housepaint and frayed at the wrists that substitutes for the embrace for which you can’t voice your need; collapsing to your knees on the blood-stained cobblestones because it’s over, it’s over, but then why does it still follow you?⧽ ━━ hey, isn’t that NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM? i read a daily prophet article on them, once ; the TWENTY-FOUR year old pureblood WIZARD is a GRYFFINDOR alumnus who has gone on to be a HERBOLOGIST WITH A SMALL SHOP IN DIAGON ALLEY. i’ve heard they can be quite COURAGEOUS & COMPASSIONATE, but i don’t know… they came off very BASHFUL & RETICENT in that interview. it really is hard to know what to believe these days though, isn’t it?

pinterest || playlist

quick stats

name: neville longbottom age: 24 gender: male. he is not married to any particular concept of masculinity, but he only uses he/him pronouns and the terms wizard, son, boyfriend, etc. sexuality: he doesn’t use a label for his sexuality, but he often prefers emotional connections first. he could fall for people of any gender. blood status: pureblood and most assuredly a blood traitor. despite this, however, he lives in a very wix-y way without a mobile phone or a television. he’s not opposed to technology, just not very good with it. hogwarts house: gryffindor. he thought he was sorted wrong for a while, but he was always proud of his house. and then he pulled out the sword of godric gryffindor and killed a snake, so that’s that. patronus: incorporeal, though it can still be powerful and effective when he casts it with enough determination. wand: purchased before ollivander’s disappearance. 13 inches, solid yet a bit yielding. cherry wood with a unicorn hair core profession: herbologist. has learned hands-on, not professionally certified. small business owner. researcher residence: a small studio flat above his shop pets: none. hasn’t gotten another toad since trevor ran away from him at the lake. tends to feed the stray cats of diagon, kind of wants a dog likes: tea, hugs, springtime, the outdoors, sturdy boots and flannel, writing and receiving letters, soup and sandwich deals, spending quiet time with friends, emotional openness, cooperation and solidarity, hand-made gifts dislikes: fancy clothes, dishonesty, cruelty, superiority, severus snape and bellatrix lestrange, getting too drunk or using drugs, quidditch statistics talk, flying on brooms, having to transfigure anything, being the center of attention for too long, uneven spots on the cobblestone

biography

[Triggering subjects in backstory include dysphoria, trauma, bullying, body image issues, child abuse, drowning, torture mentions, mental health.]

The Longbottom family is an ancient one with origins in China, their surname once Liang. However, a branch has been established in England for centuries, and they are a member of the Sacred Twenty-Eight with a complicated sense of pride about it. Their historical alignment has not been as consistent as some families; they didn’t always Sort to one House, they married into families on both sides of many divides, they were both agricultural and urban in turns.

One consistency was that for several consecutive generations, Longbottoms married other purebloods of East Asian descent. Alice, whose family is Jewish, was an obvious deviation from the pattern, but Frank had fallen for her so emphatically and they were such an ideal match that no one really stood in their way. And they were so happy together, for the time they had together as two independent people taking on the world as a pair.

A baby was born to Frank and Alice Longbottom on July 30, 1996, as the seventh month died. Brave Aurors who were focused on the war, Frank and Alice were nevertheless doting and attentive parents. They had always been prepared for the possibility of war leaving their child behind, and their wills named the fearsome Augusta Longbottom, matriarch of the ancient Sacred Twenty-Eight family, as alternate guardian. When tragedy struck, Augusta took her grandchild to the Longbottom lands in Lancashire.

Growing up, the Longbottoms’ living heir very quickly realized that he was a boy. While a traditional pureblood in many ways, Augusta was also fiercely progressive, and she aimed to smooth his journey as much as possible. Great care was taken to scrub mentions of his assignation at birth and his deadname from all records, and a Hogwarts letter came for Neville, which would have been his parents’ first choice of name for the boy they didn’t know they would have.

While the family was supportive of Neville’s trans identity, they were less understanding about his struggles with magic. For a long time, it was thought that Neville was a Squib. His uncle Algernon “Algie” Longbottom threw him off of a pier in Blackpool in an effort to get him to manifest his magic. The impact ruptured his eardrums, and while there was an easy magical fix to the injury, Neville was too scared to tell anyone for a long time, and he experienced partial hearing loss. While Healed, Neville still likes to use signs and body language to communicate sometimes. He’s curious about the use of signing for spell-casting without vocalization or wands and has wondered before whether that would help him with some magic with which he still has difficulty.

During his time at Hogwarts, Neville’s physical transition followed a schedule similar to puberty with Poppy Pomfrey helping administer the Attisgali Corrective Draught in the appropriate doses. There were stretches during his seventh year when the supply chain for Potions ingredients was disrupted. Because of this, on top of everything else, that year was when he felt the worst dysphoria he has experienced before or since.

Because of the nature of his transition, it is not necessarily public knowledge that Neville is trans. It can be assumed that family members, close friends, and romantic connections are aware. Additionally, people who are old enough to remember him being born may be aware. As a result, while Neville was bullied throughout his school career for his awkwardness and ineptness, he did not face specifically transphobic harassment. The fear was always in the back of his mind, however, forming a complex interaction with his insecurities and trauma. He’s always been sure that he was male. He was just never sure whether he was man enough.

He helped defeat Voldemort by slicing the head off of Nagini and then killing him at last along with his friends and comrades of Dumbledore’s Army. Theirs was a bittersweet triumph, but at last, Neville knew in his heart that he was a man that would have made his parents proud. Nevertheless, he still struggles with self-worth, including body image issues on occasion. He’s trying to do the positive self-talk in the mirror thing, but sometimes he’d rather just exist.

The hope of green growing things means everything to Neville. Pomona Sprout was a mentor for him at Hogwarts, and he still conducts research with her. However, he has chosen to be based out of London instead. He opened his shop in Diagon Alley shortly after graduating from Hogwarts, and despite Augusta Longbottom’s disapproval of his relatively soft career compared to his parents’, he decided that he wanted to honor them by naming his shop Frank & Alice’s Fine Flora.

His shop is a small establishment with a magically Extended greenhouse-like backroom for growing both commercial plants and plants of other use, such as Dittany. At the front of the shop, he sells both domestic and exotic plants, magical and ordinary, including flowers, herbs, and vegetables, both magical and non-magical in nature. He also lives in a flat above his shop. On the side, he provides consultancy and input on everything from illegal seed possession on the Ministry’s behalf to ailing trees on the trees’ behalf. He sometimes journeys around London and the United Kingdom for field research on native plants and to collect seeds. He is also interested in venturing further afield, but recent events have made him stick more closely to London.

His parents also tie him down to London. He goes to St. Mungo’s and spends time with them as often as he can bear. They do know him and they do love him. He’s convinced of that. But he hasn’t given up hope, not entirely, that they might be healed one day, and he might know them as they were before their torture by Bellatrix Lestrange.

He is one-third leader of Dumbledore’s Army in its third reincarnation, and he takes his duties extremely seriously. Neville has more confidence in himself now, and he certainly believes in the power of their collective action against the forces of darkness rising again in their world. He does not, however, put a lot of faith in institutions, including but not limited to the Ministry of Magic and the Daily Prophet. This mistrust does also sometimes extend to people older or in greater positions of authority than himself.

In his mind, he and his peers have been let down and failed one too many times by them. Neville would rather they take matters into their own hands as they did before.

Neville remains in contact with many friends from Hogwarts and has made many new ones. He’s still a bit awkward and frequently forgetful, terminally clumsy, and not the world’s most skilled wizard apart from his reflexes when dueling and his exceptional aptitude for Herbology. While he hasn’t been able to bring himself to attend support group meetings, he’s always slowly processing and healing from everything that has happened and continues to happen. He’s more forgiving of past transgressions than others, and he feels that he can occasionally reach out across the aisle. He has no tolerance for bullies, however, and although he is gentle-natured, that is a vehement position for him. Largely a pacifist, he’s also not afraid to fight for what is right, yet again.

plotted/played connections

(alphabetical by first name)

alicia spinnet - close friend. appreciates her warmth and looks up to her. is letting her teach him to fly draco malfoy - diagon alley neighbor, since they work in the apothecary. considers a colleague, still a bit uncertain about where they stand, but they’ve had some oddly illuminating conversations dudley dursley - slightly suspicious around him but trying to be open-minded ginny weasley - his best friend. has a matching cactus tattoo with her that they can use to communicate emotion. merry lestrange - doesn’t know it, but she’s his cousin. unexpectedly saved his life. very curious to know who she is oliver wood - they were never quite in the same circles in school, but they have mutual respect for each other. susan bones - likes her personally, wary because of her senior position in the ministry for someone their age. they fought over her not rejoining the da. sybill trelawney - former professor. thinks she’s a bit strange, respects that. does not know that she made a prophecy that once potentially pointed to him--unbeknownst to everyone, it turned out that neville was also a boy born in july with the power to defeat the dark lord. viktor krum - secret pen pals. the two most awkward men on the planet.

wanted connections

augusta longbottom! if you bring her, i’ll love you forever, and we can renegotiate anything above. family - longbottom cousin! should be at least part-chinese. see wcs! professional connections - herbologists, people who work with magical creatures, other diagon alley shopkeepers, potential collaborators friends - i love a good friendship thread! feel free to assume friendship but i’ll also happily plot. enemies?? - death eaters and their allies. people who used to bully him and haven’t turned that around. also, people on the ‘same side’ as neville but who believe in different methods and approaches to the point where they butt heads. past partner - neville chooses not to label his sexuality, but this could be someone of any gender. if not someone who was a friend, it was likely something with an emotional level to it, possibly long-term, as neville isn’t really one for casual. if a friend, it could have been one awkward kiss or date.

any - i’m always open to other ideas!

(header img credit @ ofmccnlight)

#nox.intro #updated 10.6.2020

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bocceclub · 4 years

Text

Ariahd’s backstory

for real this time. also the lexicon is a separate post now because it got way too long; you can find it here. @sapropel here’s the massive wall of text as promised!

The Life of Ariahd of Leknos

The Yianlai believe dragons are the offspring of the god of choas, their goddess Valena's greatest enemy. When the Yianlai Empire invaded and conquered the north, their dragon-hunters began killing off the high dragons, until there was only one small population left in the Razka Mountains of Dymaexei. A warlock from the city-state of Leknos stumbled upon an orphaned clutch of high dragon eggs in the high mountains. The mother had been killed by dragon-hunters while defending her nest. Although luckily the clutch had remained hidden from the hunters, it had gone without being warmed by the mother for so long that, despite the warlocks’ attempts to save them, all but one of the developing dragonets died in their eggs. Ariahd, the only one of his broodmates to survive, was carefully nurtured to hatching by the warlocks. He formed a fast connection with Enos, the young daughter of the head warlock, who helped her father care for him after he hatched. As he grew they became close friends, communicating by writing, since as a dragon Ariahd had no ability to form human-like speech. He and Enos altered the Dymae alphabet into cruder forms that would be easier for him to scratch into the dirt with his claws, and even invented pictograms, creating their own shorthand script.

The imperial occupation of Dymaexei meant that Ariahd’s existence had to be kept a secret. Because of this, he grew up very sheltered, unable to venture beyond the high walls of the monastery, his only knowledge of the outside world coming from stories told by the warlocks, and the travelers’ accounts that Enos found in the library and read aloud to him. The two would occasionally sneak out to fly in the mountains surrounding the city, careful to stay under cover of darkness.

While his earlier years were happy enough, as he grew older he began to become aware of the fact that he was likely one of the last of his kind, which affected him deeply. Over the years, as Enos joined the order’s ranks as a novitiate and then as a fully fledged warlock, Ariahd also came to envy her freedom and the ease with which her human form allowed her to move through the world. As she grew older and learned magic of increasing difficulty and complexity, her formidable skill with sorcery was also a source of jealousy for him. He knew he had it in him to be just as powerful, but his dragon’s form was ill-suited to working the complex rituals of human sorcery.

Years passed, and as Ariahd neared thirty years old--still a child in dragon years--he became increasingly restless; as Enos’ duties within the order kept her occupied, he took to wandering the mountains alone, straying further and further from the monastery each time. On one such flight, unbeknownst to him he was spotted by imperial troops. Soon imperial inquisitors were dispatched to Leknos, with orders to dispose of Ariahd and execute the warlocks both for practicing sorcery, a heresy, and for sheltering a dragon. The monastery was attacked, and in an act of rash bravery Ariahd flew out to try to confront the attackers directly. He managed to kill a number of imperial troops but was mortally wounded himself; the distraction he provided allowed a large number of the order, including Enos, to escape into the mountains with the preserved dragon souls.

The remaining warlocks dragged the dying Ariahd back behind the safety of the monastery walls. Desperate, in agony, and afraid, he begged them to preserve his soul in a vessel to keep him from truly dying. The warlocks agreed. After performing the ritual, they hid Ariahd’s soul vessel in the relic vault, which was located deep in the maze of catacombs carved into the massive rock bluff the monastery sat on. They resealed the relic vault, then committed ritual suicide rather than be tortured and executed by the inquisitors.

Ariahd's soul laid dormant, trapped in its vessel in the vault as the years went by. Fifty years later, it was discovered by a Nephiri sorcerer, Yupal. On the run from inquisitors, she had fled across the Mysskaean Sea to Dymaexei and settled in Leknos thirteen years before, where she took up a new identity, married a Leknosian man, and had a daughter, Lys. When Lys was thirteen, the Great Plague struck the Mysskaean. After ravaging coastal Dymaexei, it reached Leknos, carried by those fleeing the ravaged ports. In no time it began running its way through the city; Yupal and her family fell ill, and her husband succumbed to the Plague, leaving her and their daughter alone and close to death. Desperate to save Lys’ life, she broke into the relic vault in the monastery, hoping she'd be able to find something there to heal her. She sensed the strong magic emanating from Ariahd's soul vessel, and stole it. By the time she had returned home, Lys had died. In desperation she attempted to use necromancy to channel Ariahd's life force to resurrect her child, but accidentally opened a conduit that allowed his soul to enter the girl’s body and fuse with her soul, creating the last Walking One.

Ariahd was taken to the monastery’s infirmary, where the monks were doing their best to heal the gravely ill. For days he lay in a deep sleep, as the two souls within his body fused into one, and the monks caring for him feared he would die. Finally, he awoke. Unable to speak or write with his new hands, he had no way of telling the monks who he was or what had happened. At a loss, the monks asked Phare, a senior monk and accomplished healer, to attend to him. She had been a novitiate before the inquisitors’ attack on the monastery and the warlocks’ extermination, and when she used magic to examine Ariahd’s soul she realized immediately what he was. Phare informed the monks, and they made the decision to take him in (along with countless other children orphaned by the Plague), and began teaching him to be human.

For about ten years he stayed with the monks, at first simply learning to live in his new shape but later becoming a novitiate within the order. During his tutelage he discovered he had a gift for art, which the monks had him put to use illustrating sacred manuscripts and decorating the monastery with frescoes of scenes from Dymae mythology. Under the monks’ guidance he also began retraining in the basics of magic; while he had mastered basic magecraft as a dragon, in his new form he had to completely relearn how to connect to and channel his own power. When he was skilled enough, they introduced sorcery into his studies, which he quickly excelled at without the restraints of his dragon’s shape.

Despite how much he enjoyed his new life with the monks, over the years Ariahd once again became restless, longing to see more of the world that he’d been cloistered from his entire life. When the time came for him to become a fully ordained monk at twenty years old (his body’s physical age), he decided to leave the order instead, and depart Leknos to seek his own purpose in life.

When it came time for him to leave, he hitched a ride with a loggers’ caravan to the port city of Kymospa and from there caught a ship to the island of Temuz, where he hoped to further refine the painting skills he had first developed at the monastery. While apprenticed there under a master artist he fell in love with Talit, daughter of wealthy cloth merchants and a fellow apprentice. They became lovers, and remained so for the three years of their apprenticeship. During their scant free time outside of the painter’s workshop, Talit taught Ariahd how to sail among the islets and sandbars in the sea surrounding the island. He also started to take a renewed interest in sorcery, especially weather-working, an ancient discipline practiced by Mysskaean seafarers to turn the wind and sea in their favor. It was at this time that he began to feel uncomfortable with his body and realized he thought of himself as a man. At the urging of Talit, who was also transgender, he sought out a physician and sorcerer specializing in flesh-sculpting to help him transition physically. Up until this point he had been using the name Lys, which had belonged to his human host, and which the monks (all except Phare) had called him. He renamed himself Ariahd, which means “he who sees clearly”.

The more Ariahd explored sorcery, the more fascinated he became with it. As the end of his and Talit’s apprenticeship neared he confided in her that he planned to depart Temuz for Dossiwarri, and enroll in its famous Chabawi University to study under the master sorcerers there. Talit, wishing to pursue her own career, was not willing to accompany him to Dossiwarri. The two parted amicably, and remained friends until her death a century later. Talit would go on to become a well-known and sought-after painter, commissioned all across the Mysskaean, and her and Ariahd’s paths crossed often.

Three years after arriving in Temuz, Ariahd bid his master and fellow former apprentices goodbye and set sail for Dossiwarri. Upon arrival in the city, though, his money and belongings were stolen. Determined to earn back what he had had saved up to to pay the university’s entrance fee, he took up work as a dock worker, staying in a squalid hostel in the Dymae Quarter and practicing hedge-magic on the side for extra coin. He also continued to further his transition, having taught himself flesh-sculpting from what he’d gleaned from the Temuzo sorcerer-physician.

A group of Dymae university students—Lesta, a physician in training, Kenoad, studying poetry, and Pallas, an apprentice architect—who were also regulars at the wineshop he frequented in the Dymae Quarter noticed that he always drank alone, and decided to befriend him. They offered him a room in the house they shared, and pitched in to help him pay his entrance fee.

Ariahd was accepted into the university, easily passing the entrance exam, and began studying under the formidable Dossiwarrim sorcerer Fatawa Bernu. When Fatawa saw Ariahd’s natural aptitude for magic, she brought him and a few other select students into the university’s under-school—a small circle of faculty and students dedicated to preserving the practice of disciplines banned by the empire, among them necromancy, shape-changing, and martial sorcery. Ariahd also studied, along with a select handful of other students, under Ilan-Afis, an Eshtari sorcerer, in the art of weather-working. The Dossiwarri had long enjoyed the knowledge and prosperity the sea trade brought to their city, but were not sailors themselves; weather-working had been developed primarily by Dymae, Temuz, and Eshtari seafarers over the centuries, and a sorcerer from one of those cultures had always been employed by the Chabawi University to teach the discipline to its students.

One of the other students to be inducted into the under-school was a young Dossiwarim man named Washadi; during their education he and Ariahd became first friends and then lovers. During this time Ariahd finished his physical transition to his satisfaction. As their studies dragged on, tensions were growing between the people of Dossiwarri and the imperial ruling class. When the long-festering resentment finally boiled over into a full-scale revolt one hot summer, Ariahd and Washadi, along with countless other sorcerers studying at Chabawi, were called to lend their aid to the rebels. During one of the skirmishes Ariahd was seriously wounded, and had to be put into a magically induced coma by the sorcerer who healed him. When he awoke, he was told that Washadi had disappeared in combat, and was almost certainly dead. Once he had recovered enough he searched day and night for Washadi, but in the chaotic aftermath of the revolt his efforts proved fruitless.

Heartbroken, he packed his scant belongings, found a ship in need of a sorcerer, and departed from Dossiwarri. He would not return for another ten years, whereupon he discovered that Washadi had been captured and imprisoned by the empire, but had escaped and made his way back to Dossiwarri. In the decade following his return he had married and started a family, but extended the invitation for Ariahd to stay in Dossiwarri, telling him he’d put in a good word for him at Chabawi University, where he now taught medical sorcery. Ariahd declined, choosing instead to continue working as a ship’s sorcerer.

After sailing the Mysskaean Sea (and beyond) for decades, Ariahd grew tired of life at sea. He made his way to the far north and settled in Nossk, the capital city of the island nation Gumir, where he works as a painter in the present day. While most of his business comes from mourners commissioning funerary portraits of their dead loved ones, he is also often paid by the city counsel to paint the murals that adorn Nossk’s government buildings, temples, and municipal spaces. He lives with his partner, a Vazkyrohk sailor named Skovej Tide-Runner, in a small house in Nossk’s artisan quarter. The two met five years ago when their ships wintered in the same port, and from then on became inseparable. Skovej crews on a whaling ship during the summer, but spends the off-season with Ariahd in Nossk. They own a longhaired black cat named Renjir, who Skovej found as a stray kitten wandering the city docks. After almost a century of wandering, Ariahd all the more appreciates the small comforts of domesticity, taking great pleasure in living a quiet life among his books and paints; his past as a dragon seems so far removed from his current life as to be a dream.

#issadai #ariahd #long post #sorry guys i just hate read more links

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voidgremlin · 4 years

Text

What letters are.

DW Exchange 2020 gift to @not-jodie-yet

This is tricky.

This exercise is difficult and I would like to inform Dr Jones, if she ever read those (she promised she wouldn’t) that it is difficult and not nice to ask me to work overtime.

As part of my therapy I was asked to write my thoughts down and this is hell.

I’m telling you. Giving me homework to do was not part of the plan. I didn’t dropped out to have stuff to do now. Even tho I did not dropped out on purpose.

It is supposed to help with my weird history, putting words on feelings and emotions, on moments of my life. I did tell her that some instant of my life are nearly metaphysical but she chuckled. I don’t think she believed me but according to her, some dude with a pair of glasses, my time with you was- Let’s say deeply eventful.

I will get to it.

So I tried to do it at first, write it down but… Writing to no one is a little difficult. There’s no one you could imagine listen to you, answer, help you through those ideas. If I do not address those letters to someone, maybe the one who will read it will judge me harshly. And… I don’t want that. I want to be able to say the things I wanted to say. So…

So I thought of you.

Actually I always think of you. It is a little hard to explain. But I will.

So letters ! This is the first one so sorry if it is a little… Non-sense.

Hello Doctor,

This is Rose Tyler, I hope you remember me. I was the annoying girl who helped you with the nestene consciousness. Ring a bell ?

Jokes aside I do hope you are still remembering me. In some way. We- did not talked things through like we should have. And I guess it makes our story an open ended book ? Forever.

That is not a good thought all thing considered. Let’s change of subject.

Letters are… Uhm… No, no, no… Let’s try again. Letters of the alphabet will compose words that we will speak and that makes sentences and… Sentences makes and moves worlds. Shaping it to something more, something better, something clever.

I think that’s what your words did to me Doctor.

I will get to it.

Doctor. Isn’t it weird that a title became a name so familiar on my tongue ? I have now hard time to go to a medical professional without feeling weirded out, I cannot call them Doctor.

Doctor, The Doctor this is your name. No one else.

See even here I can’t say it, write it at least. Weird no ? Well maybe not so weird. It’s like Rose, it was the name of a flower before being my own. But now, for myself and the people in my life, my world. Rose is not a flower, it is me. When they see a Rose, they might think of me and like that I have changed the world. Isn’t it crazy ?

You would say that: of course, I am one of the most important being in the world. Unique. Brillant even but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. I still struggle with daily issues, normal issues, earthly ones like with groceries, parking tickets and the occasional toaster that refuse to function well. All of this despite working to save the universe. This universe at least.

By the way, this job, while not as fun as travelling with you of course, is one of the weirdest job I got and I worked in retail !

I think I explained to you how retail worked but I am not sure I explained it well or if you listened. It is alright if you didn’t. This was a boring explanation like… Well… Retail.

Anyway, do you know how many times I got send a document from whatever alien nation that is willing to communicate with Earth and got asked to translate it ? (Because for some reason the translation matrix from your TARDIS is still active ? I think it reshaped my brain.) Well I got documents so many times ! Sometimes it’s nothing diplomatic, it can be just advertisement: like this one time when I got one for something called Jud-Un ! It must be to shine horns or something. Didn’t understood on how it would work (and our Earthly Rhinos doesn’t need those. Do they ?)

Anyway, my point is someone should teach humans of the twenty-first century new alien languages, my job is only to kick ass and do weird action hero poses, not translate stuff ! But find me a teacher from the future that would accept going in the past and teach primitive humans how guttural a Judoon sounds. Future people are so snobby, they would never accept. When I proposed the idea some people in the agency told me that I could be the one doing it but honestly I don’t think I should be the one doing this kind of stuff. I am not made to be a teacher. The poor students ! Imagine their faces if me, a blonde drop out, would teach them how to speak Silurian. Terrible.

Or terribly funny. Now that I think about it, it does sounds pretty funny. I should do it at least one day. I will tell you about it in my next letter. I promise.

I want to say to you is that.

You made an impact on my life. Changed everything I was. For the better or the worst according to some people. I don’t agree to that statement. You didn’t meant to make anything worse. But… Sometimes intention doesn’t count.

I don’t really know.

Remember that date we had ? Wasn’t really a date, you told me it was an exploration of the unknown and the fantastic. But it was a fancy restaurant owned by this pirate man ? I think. I am pretty sure he explained his whole backstory to us but my memory of it, is kind of blurry. Or I just didn’t paid attention. I was watching someone else…

I do think it is a date though, I don’t know for timelord’s standard but for Rose’s standard it is. I remember how excited you were, dragging me to this underground place, the entrance looked like a cave and we went down and down following this guide pirate blabbering about how this was shaped by his great-great-great-32 times more great grandfather to reach a groundwater table and the poor dude dug a little too deep and ended up just below the water. Here he made the decision to make something else of his tunnel.

And it was at this moment, that he showed us the place. A cave with tables and red carpet, under a dome glass that showed the inside of the groundwater.

Do you remember it ? Neon Jellyfishes that with its bright lights illuminated the whole place. It was… Beautiful. Gosh how beautiful it was. The soft lights illuminating your face and smile and the soft hum of the rock below us. We were at the center of the Earth. Eating dinner and observing creature of the big deep. Of course it went sideways, with a murder mystery but…

You showed this to me and I still dream about this sometimes. Holding your hand under those creature of the sea. Those images are part of me now.

I hope you showed this to only me. Because otherwise I will rescind our friendship card.

Friendship uh? That is one way to call it.

I had friends who became lovers and lovers who became friends. And I have you.

And you are something else entirely.

You are… Impossible to describe. So vast, so wonderful. So clever and funny. I mean you are literally magic ! You travel to everywhere and nowhere. You give people hope, solutions to problems bigger than just you. And definitely bigger than just me.

And I was part of it. I still am, in some way. Part of it. Not the same level, not the same grandiose and definitely not the same taste to victory.

It was special with you. It was personal, it was beautiful and we won. We won so many times. We made them smile, we made them hope of better tomorrows and sometimes we kicked butts.

We knew secrets to the universe, while people kept running around blindly. We know so much more. And we helped. Somehow.

I miss this, this superiority, this knowledge of the future or of technology that made our adventures a lot less like stumbling on something new but like opening a gift and enjoy what was inside.

It is not quite like that now, similar but… I don’t know much. I know enough to get me out of tricky situations, not enough to help everyone else.

Do not worry, I will learn.

I do not love you for only those adventures but also on how you see me, you watch me try to make an union in outer space and I know you have this goofy smile and this pride. You gave me opportunities to prove myself, to be kinder when I didn’t thought possible before. To be more clever, showing more than one way to be intelligent. And I … I thank you for that. I always had it in me but I didn’t saw it before you saw it for me.

I think that’s who you are. In all your default and weirdness and pain. You always dig for something of worth in other. Putting it on the forefront, making it part of our identity, fully.

Making us more.

Making me, Rose Tyler again but with more pride in my voice. Those gifts are… priceless to me. And I can see the future with more faith in myself, not being let down by any bumps on the way. I know I can do it. I know. I will do it.

I just wish to do it with you by my side. Seeing you smile is addictive and seeing you proud and happy is such a beautiful goal.

Your smile sometimes light up more than one face.

You trusted me with so many things, so many secrets. And I trusted- trust you with so many of mine. I don’t think I can do that with anyone else. You were my person. You are my person. And I still hold the wish to see you again. Just for that one smile.

I am sorry, it ended that way. I was maybe too daring or maybe it is just fate. In the end I am not stuck in a bad place… Just a place without the Doctor. With less magic.

It ended abruptly, our call, last call. And I wanted you to say it. Make it real with your magic words that shapes universes. You couldn’t.

I guess that is what I want ? A way to close our story ? Make all the hardship and difficulties and joy and happiness means something ? Because to me. They meant the world. They were my world. But It won’t make any sense without you reciprocate at least a part of those feelings.

Can you say it ?

Can you tell me what you wanted to say ?

Can you give me …

Nevermind.

In hope that this letter find you well and loved.

You have, my dearest Doctor, all my love and all my wishes for better tomorrows in your future.

Rose Tyler.

Dear Ms Tyler.

Rose ? How does ? Hell hold on. I am struggling with the voice to text option. It is hard to find words. I will just… Two seconds, I will get rid of this and type it down like a human. Seriously guys you should develop telepathy one d-

Done.

Dear Rose,

I have no idea how you managed to send this letter or if you meant to send it to me, through parallel universes. I do not know how and it worries me, please confirm in some way that all is well on your side of the multiverse.

I am pleased to hear that you are well and seeking a medical professional, it is good. And do not worry about the non-sense of the letter. I really make sense myself, in real life. So we are even.

You are right, I do think of you when I see a rose as well as any orange tabby cat. I think of you. You shaped my universe in so many little ways. Who knows how much ripple effect it will have in the future. Maybe I will be a blonde just like you. (Again but with more hair styles).

We will see.

Rose Tyler inter-spacial translator ! My dear you have so many talents ! I won’t be surprised if one day they tell me you are the president of the universe. It is so amazing that you are able to do such things ! And please tell me how the class of Ms Tyler went ! I want to know about it !

I remember it, the neons jellyfish, the cave. It was beautiful and you were beautiful. And it was not a date just… Okay well maybe it was a date. But … This location is only between us. I haven’t shared this with anyone. It was a good moment, a beautiful moment. And I want to keep it between us.

Rose, you are many good things. You are kindness, Fun and love. You are impossibly brave, wonderfully gentle and clever. My Rose, you are everything to me. You helped me through so much hurdles.

But my life is long and tortuous, many people to love, many people who loved me. Loss, Found and everything in between. Words doesn’t always encompass, the feelings or the memory it should carry. That’s I don’t say the things that should be said and drown everything else with words.

You know me. Enough at least to not need things to be said. But what happened did not just put us apart, it also, as you as said, ended our story and you are right. Now is the time where things need to be said. Truthfully, openly. With honesty.

My dear Rose, I want to say, that in all our moments together, there is not one I cherish less than the other. That you are part of me and you will always shape my world in some ways, no matter how far away in time we are apart. I will carry you with me forever.

Rose Tyler, words on the paper will not share all the weight of my care for you and the wish to see you again and well. I will keep this hope until I am not of this world.

In hope that this letter reaches you, in some way and that no cataclysmic event is about to happen.

Rose Tyler, I love you.

Your Doctor.

#dwexchange2020 #dwfanexchange #dw #doctor who #tenrose

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lgcmax · 4 years

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𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐎 ! i’m coming to you with a very late intro, i know, but i swear i’m not usually this unprepared !! anyways, my name is jada, and this is my chaotic baby maxwell “ MAX ” choi ! i love him to death already and can’t wait to start writing with him ! i was here long ago with the short-lived yet beloved zhao chenglei, but life got in the way ! the two are very different, yet i’m even more stoked to be here the second time around & get things going ! i did create him kind of spontaneously, so his plots & bio page is still wip, but you can find his profile here, and some trivia & plot bunnies below ! oh, and LIKE THIS if you’d like to plot, maybe ? i’ll stop talking now, but i hope to hear from you soon !

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 !

first generation canadian who hails from toronto, canada ! a snow baby forever and always, he loved living there and has nothing but good memories there !

he was born maxwell choi, and he’s still called that by family and some old friends, but once he got to middle school he felt the name was too fancy and wasn’t fitting so dropped the “well” and just became MAX !

though he’s canadian, he’s never really felt he was lacking in terms of his korean identity ! both his parents were born and raised there, korean is actually his first language, and he was taught english through school. since he was two he’s been going to korea for the summer to visit his family, too, so he’s always felt really connected to his culture !

his dad’s a car salesman at his own dealerhsip, and his mom’s an attorney, so he’s lived a really comfortable life. it’s easy to see where his charisma comes from, too ! growing up his dad was more involved in his upbringing, while his mom was on the colder side, so he’s closer to him as he’s the one who was the most loving toward him then and now !

he was expected to take over his dad’s position at the dealership when he was older, but as he grew up he noticed his absolute lack of passion for the career. he thought it fit his dad well, yet couldn’t see him doing something like that !

but during his teenage years he discovered his love for rap ! he always loved listening to it, but when he started rapping along he discovered his true passion.

he didn’t really know what to do with that, however, as it wasn’t a very stable career ! it wasn’t until 2016 when he met someone online through a video game & they became friends that things changed ! they would talk a lot & eventually they introduced him to the world of kpop and ... boom ! everything changed for him. when he realized it wasn’t all girls in frilly skirts ( which hey, wasn’t too bad either ) he found himself being engulfed in this entirely new music genre !

fast forward all the way to 2019, when he auditioned for the company ! it was in january, and there was no way he thought he was gonna make it. they were giving out cds to those who auditioned, and he really just wanted to hear some haru, but it was quite literally the biggest surprise of his life when he got accepted !

his mom was enitrely, and i mean e n t i r e l y, against the idea. she thought a career in the idol industry was fleeting and not profitable and thought it was an embarrassment for him to be apart of. while his father wasn’t thrilled and still has hopes for him to inherit the dealership, he was content seeing his son happy and hoped for his success.

so off max went, to the big city of seoul !! unlike some foreign trainees it wasn’t some great transition for him, in fact he adjusted pretty well ! he had the benefit of being well-travelled and having visited the country often, as well as being comfortable in his korean.

it wasn’t all peaches and roses, however, and he did have some difficulty ! it was the first time he was coming to stay, so he had a tendency to get homestick, and despite everything, he still stuck out. he had a lot of mannerisms, style choices, and just obvious indicators he was a foreigner. he also had to finish off the last semester of his senior year in korea, and he was bummed he missed out on those senior year experiences like graduation, senior parties, and just being with the people he’d grown up with !

whenever he was having trouble, he couldn’t really call home either, since he knew they doubted him and didn’t want to give them any more reason to ! he’s not really the type to share when he’s feeling down, so he really internalized a lot of his emotions at the time, and the bit that he didn’t he confided in with his few friends he’d made by then. definitely a bit of a rough patch for him !

he also may have had some trouble getting along with trainees ! he has a very blunt & extroverted personality, which didn’t really fit with typical korean social norms !

aside from that, max was a LOT more chill than some of these people. he was passionate about rapping, but some trainees were “debut-or-die” level and he just wasn’t that far ! he’d just kind of look at them like .... why are you making this such a big deal ? i’m just here to have fun ?? so he had a tendency to slack off a lot during the first few months of training and try to bend the rules as much as he could behind the trainer’s backs without getting caught ! which i can imagine would get on some trainee’s nerves.

he does go to university, a condition by his parents for letting him go to korea. he’s a music production major and marketing minor at the moment, but he’s changed his mind quite a few times ! honestly, he’s not all that interested in attending school, but doesn’t have much of a choice and knows it’s an important backup should this whole idol thing not work ! he does enjoy the social life he gets from it, though, because he would’ve had a much harder time adjusting and meeting friends had he not been in school.

now, he’s still pretty sluggish, but after a few company punishments, he’s shaping up and learning how to work harder. he just passed his year anniversary training with the company, and though he has a lot to learn he’s showed promise in his time there !

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 !

very extroverted !!! and he always has been. he feels really comfortable and large environments and is the main reason he thrives as an idol ! can and will pick up a conversation with just about anyone, particularly those who aren’t like him but rather on the more introverted spectrum !

like stated before, he doesn’t really like talking about his emotions if they’re personal / negative. it makes him uncomfortable & awkward and thinks it makes everyone else feel that way too, so avoids it like the plague. if he’s emotional with you ... you’re a keeper !

tends to make light out of every scenario, due to his optimistic nature. he has the mentality that life’s too short to be stressed, so does his best to avoid it whenever he gets the chance ! it can be appropriate at times, and sometimes people perceive it as him not taking things seriously, but really he’s trying to make things better !

a little cocky, considering his lack of experience. he kind of thinks he’s the s***, and he honestly could use a little more humility ! but he’s used to being held on this sort of pedestal, and because of it has a looot of confidence a lot of the time !

very loyal, once you befriend him he’s yours for life ! he values trust and longevity in a friendship, so does his all to give it to you. on the other hand, if you lose his trust, things .... get a little disastrous. he isn’t one to forgive something like that and will quite literally block someone out his life if they do break his trust.

on that note ... he’s also very stubborn !! he likes things the way he wants them, and can hold a grudge for years if he wants to. this is one of the exceptions to his “ hakuna matata ” mentality lmao, but he’s working on it ! he used to have trouble accepting criticism from trainers if he didn’t agree with them, but is slowly getting better at listening to feedback in order to improve.

tends to be a little manipulative ! he doesn’t mean to use it maliciously, but it does sometimes go like that. like i said, he’s got that desire to win other’s over to get what he wants like his parents, so ... that can translate into a little deception !

loves loves loves video games !!! will talk about them all day, if you ask. he’s been hooked ever since the first time he got a controller in his hand and is always looking for some new gaming buddies !

has a secret tiktok account that he can’t really publicize but people have to know ?? he just renegades too good not to have some practice folks

he compulsively says “ let’s get it ” and “ boom ” like the joke he is and it’s a problem, really !! someone please call him out or just .... stop him

also !! he is entirely too CLUMSY for his good. he trips over people, trips over his own limbs, trips over a i r !! there’s just no telling with this guy. he’s so stupid when it comes to coordination, i swear, i almost worry he needs to see a doctor lmao !! but thank god for his clumsiness coming in handy at the exact moment he needs to have a little humility.

𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 !

the friend he played video games with who introduced him to kpop ( see above ) !! they’ve been friends for roughly 3 years now and they’re the reason he even considered pursuing a career as an idol, so i imagine they’ve grown pretty close ! since they played online, this person doesn’t have to be from canada, and really any muse that knew korean or english well enough to communicate back then !

are there any canadian muses ?? i’m not sure ! if there is, i’d love to have some childhood friends who he grew up with ! give me all the angst, softness, or romance that you can muster up !! i love a good backstory.

some friends who he spent the summers in korea with ! he visited june through august of every year, and sometimes spent other holiday breaks there. so there’s definitely a chance for them to grow close ! maybe even a short-lived romance where they hadn’t expected to meet again ??

a senior / older trainee who showed max the ropes ! while he knew a good deal about korea he didn’t have a clue about being a trainee, so definitely could’ve used a bit of help there !! unintentionally this person became a sort of parental figure to max, even if they didn’t mean to or if they’re not significantly older ! either way, they were his first real source of support since the move, and nowadays he’s still very close to them and looks to them for any sort of help or advice he needs !

pleeeeease give him a little crush !! he goes out his way to impress those that he likes, and turns into a true softie !! on the other hand, a bitter exes plot or even exes on good terms could be fun too ! can you tell i’m a romantic yet ? 😥

someone who’s entirely put off by the thought of max ! someone who, unlike him, is planned, logical, or very cutthroat and passionate about becoming an idol ! give me someone to nitpick him for his lifestyle, and someone for him to bicker with and just create a little drama !!

video game buddies !! he doesn’t have the whole setup like he used to back home, but he does nearly always have his switch on him if your muse is in the mood for a little friendly competition !! fair warning .... he does get competitive !

male dorm h and male rookie evening trainee group gang, let’s go !! that’s a lot to say, but in simple terms, if your muse trains or dorms with him let’s get something going ! max is still a new trainee and needs some friends to spend the long days with, he promises to make it worth their while !! max has the power of making nearly every scenario entertaining, after all !

#lgc:intro #this is so late i'm sorry :c #but i filled this to the brim with content !!#also tysm for the cute welcomes !! i've heard my notifs going off & am getting to everything asap !!#also i'll rb this tomm !!

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littlemisssquiggles · 4 years

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I was watching Phoenix/Night’s chapter 11 review video, he had ideas of what’d happened to Oscar. One of them was that maybe he was able to get away from Neo and try to run away from her but he wasn’t fast enough to get away and somehow got captured by her. I assume that Neo took him to the Vault of the Relic of Creation where I assume the Oscar vs Neo fight is gonna happen. I believe it’s gonna parallel the Raven vs Cinder fight in V5, a fight for the two relics. What do you think about that?

Hey Chels. Hmm…I’m not sure about the vault part, fam.

Even if Neo managed to take Oscarhostage, why would she take him down to the Vault of the Winter Maiden? As faras the audience is aware of, Neo (and by extension Cinder) doesn’t know thewhereabouts of the Vault within Atlas Academy. Nor is she aware that Oscarknows about it either. While I agree with the part about a potential fight downin the Vault, I doubt it’ll be between Oscar and Neo. For me, I’m moreexpecting Oscar and Ironwood to have a confrontation either down in the Vaultor on the way to the Vault. My assumption is that Ironwood went down to theVault and is probably waiting for Winter to join him down there once she’sclaimed Fria’s power. That way Winter would open the Vault for Ironwood so thathe could use the staff’s power to hoist Atlas Kingdom into the orbit; removingthe kingdom and its citizens from Remnant.

However, my presumption on whatmight really end up happening is one of the following few concepts--

Ironwood will be waiting down in theVault for Winter only for Cinder to show up instead to challenge him for theStaff. A fight then breaks out however Ironwood is unfortunately overpowered byCinder who had the strength of two Maidens on her side after successfullyclaiming Fria’s power for herself; confirming much to Ironwood’s despair thatWinter Schnee---his right hand and top operative---had been killed by one ofSalem’s very own. Cinder then goes to kill Ironwood but he’s saved from neardeath by Oscar and Ruby arriving down in the Vault. Oscar then instructs Rubyto take the injured Ironwood to safety while he tries and stop Cinder fromtaking the Staff. A fight then breaks out between Oscar and Cinder, rekindlingthe fateful rematch us Pineheads have been itching for.

The alternative to this is Ironwoodwaiting for Winter down in the Vault but Oscar shows up. Since the othersalerted him of the General’s intentions, Oscar attempts to talk some sense toJames but at this point he’s too far gone. He won’t listen to reason. He eventrains his gun on Oscar. But just as it appears as if the two were going toclash, Cinder arrives down in the Vault to claim the Relic.

As a third alternative, Ironwoodgoes down to the Vault to wait for Winter. But as he enters the vault he isbemused to discover a narcissistic Cinder Fall already waiting there for himwith the corpse of Winter Schnee in one hand and the remains of a dismantledPenny Polendina in another which she wickedly lays at Ironwood’s feet; as if togloat of her accomplishments. A fight ensues between the two. At this time,Ruby and Oscar arrive at the Vault in an attempt to stop Ironwood. But as thetwo Rosebuds arrive down the Vault they are met by Cinder who has alreadysucceeded in gaining the Relic of Creation. With the staff in her hand, thingsget a bit topsy-turvy as Atlas begins to fall out of the sky as a result of thestaff’s removal leading to Oscar and Ruby to fight gravity and a dual-powered MaidenCinder for the Staff as a means of stopping the collapse.

Those are just a few ideas I have. Eitherway, my headcanon remains that Oscar willbe the one to fight Cinder in the end. I have a feeling that V7 endgamecould parallel V3 with Oscar sending his allies away to safety while he staysbehind to prevent Cinder from claiming the Relic of Creation. This way I canimagine Oscar embodying both Ozpin and Pyrhha--ensuring that his friends---thepeople he cared for and whose lives he was more or less entrusted with---madeit out alive before moving forward to do whatever he could to stop Cinder; evenif it meant sacrificing his own life to stop her. The last time, a Wizard ofLight challenged Fall Maiden Cinder, they lost. The last time Oz stood up toCinder, she killed him and that was back when she only had one Maiden power.

Somehow I kinda like the concept of Oscar challenging Cinder and avenging Ozpinby being the one to put a stop to Cinder. I don’t know what the CRWBYWriters’ plans for Cinder are. But in the event that V7 is to be her final curtain call, I feel like it wouldbe fitting if Oscar was the one tofinally do so.

@moondrop04, I know I told you Ididn’t like the idea of Oscar sacrificing himself for his friends. However I’vehad more time to think about it and now I can actually picture it beingsomething Oscar would do as a testament to his bravery. This doesn’t mean thatI think Oscar will die though. Nah. If anything I expect Oscar to fight Cinderand survive. I like the idea of Oscar sacrificing himself to try and stopCinder just like Oz. Who knows? Perhaps,in a similar fashion to V3 with Pyrhha, Rubyends up going down to the Vault just in time to find Cinder about to kill Oscar. At first she suffersdifficulty to summon forth her Silver Eye power as a result of the fear Saleminstilled in her in regards to her mother’s death by her hands. It’s a momentwhere Ruby finds it impossible toclear her mind long enough to think of positive thoughts to protect everyone.So in that moment, Ruby does the just thing. She basically emulates the advicethat Other Dimension Peter Parker gave to Miles Morale about becoming a hero inSpiderman: Into the Spider-verse.

“…Youcan’t always just think about saving everyone. You have to think about saving atleast one person first.”

Or something alongthose lines since I’m paraphrasing here. Sobasically that’s what Ruby does. She thinksabout Oscar; how much he’s proven to care about her and their team sincethey met and the way he made her feel. Because in that moment, Ruby wasn'ttrying to save everyone. All she wanted to accomplish in that moment was protectingOscar. Because in that moment, saving him was all that mattered and she was notabout to let Cinder Fall kill another friend she loved ever again.

Soin a nutshell, Ruby is able to summon her Silver Eyes at full blast which issuper effective again Cinder who shrinks back from being exposed to the light.As Cinder lunges for Ruby, she is finished by Oscar who lands the final killingblow. Imagine if… crystalized stalactites with the the Vault. Perhaps Oscar could use the magic of the Long Memory to cause oneof the stalactites to fall on top of Cinder, crushing her before she could getto Ruby.

Notsure how to feel about Oscar killing someone, even if it is a villain. I don’twish for a repeat of what transpired with Bumblebee last season with AdamTaurus now with the RosegardeningRosebuds. I’m not even sure if Cinder will actually be killed off. I’mstill waiting to see what the PLOT does with her especially since we’resupposed to learn more about her backstory at some point for this arc trilogy.Regardless, still wanted to toss the idea on the table.

As I said to @daggerpawstudios inanother, I’m starting to like the idea of Oscar trying to get away from Neo. Soin that regard, I agree with Phoenix/Night. However where I deviate is that Ilike the idea of Oscar not being kidnapped at all. My headcanon is that Oscarsuccessfully escaped Neo’s attempt at taking the Relic off of him and iscurrently somewhere else on Atlas premises trying to get as far away from Neoas possibly. However V6 highlighted Neo being able to mask objects with hersemblance (as she did with Mistral airship), my idea is that currently Neo haspoor Oscar trapped in an illusion where he’s been attempting to find an exithowever Neo has disguised all the exits as dead ends, making Oscar think he wastrapped with no way out and with no way of getting in contact with his comradessince Ironwood locked off communication within the hero group.

I like this concept since it’s aninteresting way to show off Neo’s cunningness as a villain while additionallytesting Oscar’s resolve. I dig the idea of Neo messing with Oscar psychologicallythrough her illusions, making him believe he was all alone trapped in a maze ofher creation with no way of finding his friends.

What’s more terrifying is thatNeo could also disguise herself as any of Oscar’s female allies, inclusive ofRuby. Oscar wouldn’t know where to turn and who to trust since, in Neo’sillusion, he wouldn’t know what’s fake from reality.

It’s cool since it provides an opendoor for Oz to return and guide Oscar in the same manner as he did back inArgus. Not to mention that it also provides an opportunity for Ren to debut hisevolved semblance.

Imagine if…JNR hasbeen trying to find Oscar too but Neo’s illusion winds up confusing them aswell and keeping them from reaching Oscar until Ren reveals a new ability thathe’d been developing all season where he can possibly locate Oscar’swhereabouts by locking onto his emotions specifically.

I really do that have afeeling that Ren might play a role in finding Oscar; especially in the eventthat he’s stuck inside an illusion that’s keeping him trapped inside and anyoneelse trying to find him outside.

I like this concept a lot and I think I’llkeep that as my main hunch for RWBY V7CH12 until the episode debuts.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

#squiggles answers: rwby #oscar pine #rwby neopolitan #lie ren #general ironwood #rwby theories #rwby volume 7 theories #rwby volume 7 spoilers #che1sea-xiao-long #squiggles answers

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dyns33 · 4 years

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Okay so I’m like really sad and I love how you write Richard. Could you do something were he sees you upset and just cuddles with you. Also I saw the most recent post you made and it’s gonna be okay you’re so strong!

You are sad ??? No =( !! Anon, I don't know why you are sad, but don't hesitate to go to your family or friends to talk, okay ? I did an One shot, so no backstory, Richard and Reader are together, they live in a flat and even if they love each other, they are two shy dorks who have some communication issues. I hope you will like it, it's a bit short ! And thank you for your support, I can tell you that after one hour of sport last night, and one hour this morning, this pizza. is. gone ! (but I'm not really strong, since I'm freaking out for a kilo...)

If Richard had been a noisy, brutal, vocal man, he would have slammed the front door, shouting that he was there, when it was obvious he was there because of the sound of the door, which would have allowed (Y / N) to hide her tears before he arrived in the living room, to prevent him from seeing her in this state and asking questions. Except that Richard was not a noisy man, he closed the door slowly, saying nothing by taking out his coat, and so, he heard the sobs of his lover, collapsed on the couch, who could not calm down since more than an hour. She jumped when he put his hand on her shoulder, wanting to comfort her. Richard was not vocal, really not, he spoke little, preferring actions to useless words, and (Y / N) got used to it, realizing that it was not always necessary to speak to communicate something. The problem was that she did not think it necessary either to speak or to show what she thought was stupid : her anxieties, her sadness, her rage... All this had to remain locked inside her, never to go out. Never be seen by anyone, especially not by Richard, the calm and relaxed Richard, who never seemed nervous. (Y / N) quickly wiped her tears as she sat down to try to find her composure.

"I did not hear you..." she stammered, ashamed.

"What happens to you ?"

"I... Nothing, I'm just tired, I do not want to talk about it."

"Okay."

Instead of stopping there and leaving to draw, prepare dinner or do what he wanted, Richard approached her, wrapped his arms around her to bring her closer to him, forcing her to pose her head on his chest, and they remained like that, without saying anything, as he cradled her, massaging her back, until she began to cry again, hiding her face in his t-shirt, which she squeezed hard. Gently, he kissed her head, letting her cry as much as she needed, his protective arms around her, refusing to let her go until she felt better. The tears had to come out. Then the words, maybe, if she wanted to. He did not speak much, but Richard listened, always. He let her breathe again, wiping her tears with her sleeve, pulling back a little.

"Sorry."

"Why are you sorry ?" he asked, running his hand over her cheek.

"Because I'm a crybaby..."

"So you're sorry because you're expressing your feelings ? I do not remember if I ever told you about my friend Jonah, but he says people are coward, that they refuse to face the difficulties, the danger, the novelty. But the hardest thing for human beings, what frightens them the most is to talk about their feelings : love, anger, sadness, fear... They believe that it is a sign of weakness, and it's true that some people think so, but they're idiots, they are weak and cowardly. Saying what you feel to someone is very courageous, it's showing them that you love and trust them. Of course you can just not want to talk about it, but if you're silent because you think I'm going to judge you, I beg you, do not hold back. You can trust me, as I know I can trust you. "

"But... you never talk about your feelings." she sobbed.

"Yes, because there is nothing to say. I'm happy since I'm with you, I can repeat it to you every day if you want, it does not bother me, but I can see that my kisses and my drawings make you more happy than long speeches. That does not mean I do not want you to talk to me, if you need it, or just want to. I'm here for you."

Richard had never spoken so much since they had met and moved in together. To prove to her that he did not judge her, he opened his heart to her, he showed her that he would never judge her, especially if she had the courage to show him her feelings. Maybe they did not have the same way of expressing them, because he preferred to draw, but they were together to enjoy the best and face the worst. However (Y / N) really did not want to talk about what had upset her, she wanted to forget, to move on.

"But would you accept... to cuddle me a little ?" she asked, biting her lips.

"I will hug you for all eternity if you ask me."

"Smooth talker."

"Just for you."

After kissing her tenderly, Richard let her snuggle against him and without realizing it, they fell asleep on the couch, entwined, feeling that they were exactly where they had to be to be happy.

#the last time a saw Richard #Richard #richard x reader #Cody Fern

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mianix · 5 years

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"Mine" ~ A Gift Fic for LukeLemon-Art

I have been among the DBH community for a few months now and the one thing I love most about it is how supportive everyone seems to be. It doesn’t matter if you are an artist, writer, animator, video editor, cosplayer etc. You are welcomed here with open arms and encouraged to do your very best.

The best example of this I can give is @lukelemon-art. I have watched them encourage people of all mediums and fandoms to do well. I’ve experienced their fun nature and their generosity myself when they reblogged my friend @bunnylove56’s Reed900 fic when they weren’t sure anyone would like it. They gave her the confidence to keep going and I adore Luke for conspiring with me to get her to keep going. I never expected it and it only proves my point further.

The above artwork was recently done by Luke with an amazing backstory of Connor, discarding his LED and Gavin chooses to keep it, worn by a leather strap around his neck. Not only did this warm my heart, but inspired me to write my first Convin story as a gift to Luke for all their kindness, not just to me, but the community. Their art makes me happy, as I imagine it does a lot of you. So here’s me supporting their art and repaying them for too many kindnesses to count.

Note: This gift fic is rated M and contains a big old lemon…lol Because of Tumblr’s new rules and to be safe, the preview will end with a link to finish the story on AO3 instead of the typical cut to read the entire thing on my blog. So if you aren’t into reading something a bit smutty, go back now, gentle reader.

———-

Connor wondered, honestly, what frustrated him more: the idea of Detective Reed disobeying Hank’s direct orders, or the fact that Connor had made a deal with him to get them to this point.

He had been trying diligently over the past year to find ways of endearing himself to the bitter Detective, but nothing he did seemed to quell the man’s hatred for him. No amount of help, kind gestures, or careful consideration had changed a thing between them.

They fought constantly on the job and it had shown its own wear on Connor over time. He recalled how, in a fit of frustration, he had pulled off his own LED and tossed it at the Detective’s feet.

“THERE! Since it bothers you so much! Now you can stop complaining about it and actually get some work done. Oh, wait. That’s right! I mean sit on your damn phone instead of actually helping us for once!”

Everyone had looked shocked to see such anger come from him, but they often forgot he was no longer a thing who took orders. It had all just boiled over and he couldn’t take it anymore. A part of him felt guilt at the look that crossed Reed’s face, but he walked away before he could worry on it too much. In that moment, he felt justified, but later he regretted it.

If for nothing else, he had taken pride in wearing his LED once he’d deviated to remind him of their struggle and to never be ashamed of who he was. Because it made him into the man he was now, who had friends, family and a life that was entirely his own.

This, naturally, was how he found himself helping assist Detective Reed into his apartment.

“Last door, on the left.” Gavin groaned as he stumbled a bit.

They’d been in a scuffle only an hour before, all thanks to Detective Yells-Too-Much. Hank, in some disturbing thought to force them to into being civil, had downright ordered them to work together.

“Frankly, everyone is getting tired of listening to you two argue all the time. It’s not productive and seriously hurts office morale. We’re fucking homicide. We see gruesome death and tragedy on the daily and somehow you two bitching every day is making it even worse.” Hank had said, frustrated when the two had yet another blow up.

“What about Nines?” Gavin had asked. It seemed the further from friendly he got from Connor, the more he stopped harassing the RK900 model. He’d actually started working with him, to Connor’s surprise.

“We’re swapping partners for the week. Nines will work with me and you two need to learn to work together. Fowler’s down my neck about this and if you two can’t work this out there’s the possibility of reassignment to a different department.”

That had gotten a reaction, from both of them. Because it would likely be one or the other, which meant Connor would have to leave Hank or Gavin would be losing his position in his preferred field. Neither of these were an option.

Connor moved to the door, pressing Reed to the wall to help him stand better.

“Keys?” Connor asked.

“Pocket.” Gavin replied with a twinge of pain. They’d been staking out a warehouse, helping out the drug division on a red ice case, but couldn’t seem to not fight. They were completely hopeless being stuck in the confines of Gavin’s car and their inability to ignore one another got them caught.

They were set upon by some low level lackey’s who luckily were too stupid to be properly armed. Connor had sustained some damage to his arm, but had come out holding his own. Reed, on the other hand, had not. A quick glance at the wound on his abdomen told Connor the glass bottle had cut Gavin as he tried to dodge it. He would be okay, but he would need stitches and proper medical care.

“Fuck that. I don’t have the money to pay for an ER visit. I’ll just do it myself, like always.” Gavin had said with labored breathing as Connor drove them away from the warehouse, the sound of gunfire finally breaking the air as more lackeys came to their friends’ aid. It was fight or flight for Connor and at seeing his human companion bleeding and exhausted, he chose to live and fight another day.

“What do you mean like always?” Connor asked incredulously. It was purely rhetorical though as he didn’t need to consider it much to know Gavin Reed refused to go to the hospital unless he was taken there by force… or unconscious. Connor considered that as a valid option, but cast it aside at the thought of the assault charges that might accompany it when Gavin gained consciousness.

But Reed was stubborn and finally they’d come to a compromise: Gavin would allow Connor to do it for him. He could locate the proper programs to accomplish the task of patching Reed up. If he could not get him proper medical help, then this was the next best option.

Connor stared at the Detective, whose free arm hung a bit limply at his side. Blood could be seen staining his shirt there, as well. Wonderful. Without much thought, Connor plunged his hand down into the Detective’s jean pocket to feel around for keys. He felt Gavin stiffen at his shoulder.

“Fuckin’ careful, dipshit. You’re grabbing my keys, not playing pocket pool.” Gavin bit out between clenched teeth. Connor ignored him and pulled the keys out, setting about the task of opening the door. Once he did, he heard a loud mewling getting closer.

The small, furry head of a cat peeked through the crack of the door, it’s tiny paw pulling at it to further open it.

“Don’t let him out. He’s a fucking escape artist.” Gavin groaned as he pushed the door in and pressed the cat inside. Connor followed behind him, closing the door and entering into Gavin Reed’s apartment for the first time.

Gavin went directly for his cabinets as the first room they entered was the kitchen. Off to the right was an open archway into what Connor considered was the living room. He didn’t have much time to consider it though as he watched Reed pulling out more medical supplies then he figured most humans would keep in their homes.

“How often do you get injured on the job?” Connor asked at the fully stocked cabinet of disinfectants, gauze, bandages and other medical supplies.

“Enough to be prepared.” Gavin replied as he opened a drawer to his left and pulled out a partially full bottle of whiskey and a small, unmarked kit. Connor eyed him for a moment, but decided it wasn’t worth the headache.

Gavin sat on the counter with some difficulty and Connor had no choice but to help him, as his arm was of no real use. Once there, Gavin opened the whiskey bottle with his teeth and took a deep dram of the amber liquid. Connor immediately took hold of the bottle and pulled it away.

“What the fuck, Connor? You gonna make me go through this stone cold sober?” Gavin asked bitterly.

“You’re the one who refused to go to the hospital, where they could ease the pain you’re about to feel. You have no room to complain and I need you lucid.” Connor said simply. Perhaps a small part of him enjoyed mocking Reed, but he tried not to think on it too much.

Connor turned to look at the supplies he was given and felt his eyes flutter as he downloaded the necessary program to properly sew stitches. He considered asking how Gavin also had access to the items required to do this, but was certain he’d probably either not get a response or would get a bullshit one.

Connor lifted the hem of Gavin’s shirt, glancing to assess the damage, but knowing full well his first instinct was correct. He did his best to clean the wound, having Gavin hold his shirt up so he could work. Connor noticed he was in pain, but he gritted his teeth against it.

“Since we have some quiet time, are you ready to tell me why you hate me so much?” Connor asked, figuring anything that distracted Gavin would be better than letting the man suffer.

“Because you’re a brown nosing cunt who - FUCK! The hell Connor?” Gavin roared when Connor threw caution to the wind and straight up applied the chemical cleanser without care to the wound.

“Sorry. My hand slipped.” Connor replied stiffly as he grabbed another piece of cloth and tried to be more gentle. Gavin glared at him, still tensing for the pain he no doubt anticipated, but Connor was content with letting the snide remark go.

“What do you care whether or not I like you anyway? We’re not partners, so why the hell should you give a damn?” Gavin asked, choosing his wording more carefully this time as Connor dabbed around the edge of his cut.

“I’ve only been trying to figure it out since day one. You’d think I personally wronged you in some way.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I’m an asshole to all androids.” Gavin replied. Connor’s eyes lifted and he noted Gavin had been watching him, but the moment their eyes met he quickly looked away.

“That’s not true, actually. What about Nines? You show him more regard than you ever have for me.” Connor said pointedly, not faltering in his look. Something passed over Gavin’s face, it was minute, but it was there. A moment of panic, then recovery.

“Nines does as he’s told. He doesn’t get in my way or stop me from doing my job.” Gavin replied and his eyes came back to Connor, side glancing him, then looking down to where the small cat was perched on the floor, watching them. It moved gracefully, wiggling its tiny behind before it jumped on the counter beside Gavin and stepped on his thigh. Gavin opted to focus there.

“Nines also is still an android. It’s very simple Detective. I. AM. ALIVE. I’m not a piece of furniture for you to do with as you please and until you learn this, it will be the primary cause of our arguments.” Connor said in quick succession. How many times must they have this conversation, re-worded in so many different ways?

“I’m in fucking pain here. Can’t you give me a break, just once?” Gavin asked and Connor noted his voice sounded weary. The cat at his thigh pressed its face into Gavin’s palm and he gave it such a momentary look of tenderness that It shocked Connor. Then it walked further up Reed’s leg, jumped effortlessly onto his shoulder and stood there.

“That’s not really sanitary for what we’re doing Reed.” Connor began, but found himself intrigued by how the cat walked behind Gavin’s head and laid itself around his neck and shoulders so casually. Its foot disturbed the leather strap that usually hung around the Detective’s neck, dipping down into his shirt. Connor had always wondered what that was, but opted to not pry.

“The cat stays. He’s more of a comfort than you are.” Gavin said, but it wasn’t as mean spirited as it might’ve normally been, because the cat was rubbing its face against the stubble on his chin. Connor just watched, forgetting himself momentarily. Who the hell is this and what did he do with Gavin Reed?

When Gavin’s eyes came back to Connor he seemed to remember himself and that look of indifference came back. It broke the momentary spell and Connor continued working.

Silence hung between them as he worked, except for the purring of the cat on Gavin’s shoulders and the occasional groan or gasp of pain from him as Connor used skilled hands to suture up the cut. He preferred the silence, not remembering a time when the two of them had been so close and not blowing up into a full argument.

He wasn’t sure why this gentler side of the Detective intrigued him. He did not even know he had a pet and never would’ve guessed he could be affectionate with anything. But as long as Connor pretended not to notice, Gavin lavished the animal with attention. Had he ever seen the Detective smile where it didn’t feel like he was baring his teeth as a threat? No, not around Connor. In the pain, he sought comfort in the animal and it seemed to sense his need of it. It never left his shoulders, nuzzling and pawing at the man the more his discomfort seemed to peak.

When he was done with his side, Connor moved to roll up the sleeve on Gavin’s shirt. This wound was superficial in comparison to the other and needed nothing more than a bandage. He stepped into Gavin, the Detective’s knee brushing the inside of Connor’s thigh. Gavin jumped, startling the cat, but did not remove it.

“Careful.” Gavin said in a low tone. Connor tilted his head, trying to figure out what exactly had set the Detective off. Gavin moved his knee, unable to meet Connor’s eyes and with a slight blush filling his cheeks.

“You do realize I have no genitalia to injure, correct?” Connor said innocently enough, but Gavin’s face went a bright shade of red almost instantly at his words.

“Why the fuck would you tell me that?” Gavin asked, obviously startled by this admission.

“You feared hurting me, didn’t you?” Connor asked in reply.

“That is so fucking weird.” Gavin continued with a groan as he covered his face with his one free hand.

“I’m a prototype, Detective. What use would I have for - “

“STOP talking. Please? Just, stop.” Gavin begged, still not looking at him. Silence hung between them, awkward to say the very least. Then Reed broke the silence. “Your arm. It’s injured.”

Connor looked down to observe the blue blood soaking through his jacket arm. He pulled his arm out of it and found his white dress shirt was covered in blue as well. Connor shrugged his jacket off, laying it neatly over the kitchen chair. When he turned back, Gavin was moving tenderly off the counter.

“Wait.” Connor called out as he went to help the man down. Reed waved his hands away, the cat still laying around his neck like a scarf. It yawned, unbothered, and Connor wondered if this was a natural thing for these two with how contented it was soaking up the Detective’s warmth.

“Get on the counter.” Reed said suddenly as he reached for the small, unmarked kit he’d had hiding with the whiskey bottle. Connor eyed it curiously, but when Reed turned and noticed him not moving he added, “Get a move on.”

“I’ll be fine. Once I’m back at the office I can use one of the android repair kits to patch up my arm. You needn’t worry.”

“What the hell do you think this is?” Reed asked as he opened the small container. To Connor’s surprise, it was an android repair kit. A crudely put together one, yes, but still exactly what was needed for superficial wounds like what Connor had. He stared at Gavin, who seemed to be getting flustered by Connor’s sudden attentions. “What?”

“I’m just surprised you’d have something like that so readily available.” Connor responded truthfully. He wouldn’t think that Gavin would even care enough to keep something like that around.

“I have an android partner. Why wouldn’t I?” Gavin asked, glaring at him. But there was something else there and for the first time, in a long time, Connor saw something in his peripheral vision. It was faint, but unmistakable as it ghosted into his vision.

Software instability ^^

It had been over a year since he’d deviated, since he’d broken free from his programming. These programs were gone and yet, for whatever reason, it had shown on his periphery screen.

Without knowing why, Connor obeyed and sat on the counter without any argument. Reed moved close and looked awkwardly at his arm, stared, then looked away.

“You’re gonna have to remove your shirt. I can’t get to it and if we need the soldering iron I wouldn’t recommend putting it close to fabric.” Gavin said simply. He wasn’t looking at Connor, but focusing on the cat on his shoulder instead.

“Of course.” Connor responded and began undoing the buttons on his shirt. Connor didn’t know why, but there was static in the air that seemed to intensify with each button he undid. Gavin wasn’t looking at him, but he felt like he was being watched anyway.

Once the shirt was open, he slid his arms out of it and laid it neatly beside him. He turned to look at the cut and as he figured it wasn’t anything to worry about. He would likely be scarred from the soldering, but that wasn’t important. He turned back to look expectantly at the Detective, but stopped.

Gavin was still looking away from him, arms crossed at his chest. Connor noted something else of interest. Gavin’s pulse was elevated. He’d attributed this to stress and pain as he worked on Gavin’s wounds, but now he wasn’t so sure. His eyes could see piloerection forming on the man’s forearms; goosebumps. And the red hue that had been on his face had traveled down his neck to the skin peeking out from the v neck shirt he wore.

“Gavin?” Connor asked when the man did nothing. He saw him take a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily, exhaling. Then his eyes turned, focused hard on Connor’s and faltered. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just a little light headed from blood loss. I’ll be fine.” Gavin responded. But when he moved towards Connor, he caught a downward glance that became fixated on his thirium pump regulator. As if involuntary, Gavin’s hand came out and moved as if to touch it, but recoiled after a moment. As if he didn’t realize he was doing it.

The static intensified and made Connor’s skin prickle.

“Are you sure you’re okay Gavin? The wound is superficial and can wait if you’d like to sit down.” Connor offered, completely confused by this sudden change in demeanor. The whole time his cat perched, unbothered and suddenly unnoticed by Gavin as his eyes focused on Connor’s bare torso. Connor saw the man’s eyes dilate.

Software instability ^^

Gavin moved closer, setting the kit to one side of Connor’s hip, then taking his hand in his own to position Connor’s arm where it would be easiest to work on it. All Connor could do was watch, oddly fascinated by whatever phenomena was taking over the Detective and possibly…himself. This was new and fascinating to him. Exciting, even.

At one point, not wanting to focus so much of his attention on Gavin, Connor lifted his hand and stroked the back end of the cat as it purred happily. He saw Gavin’s eyes glance towards his hand, stiffening slightly until he realized its destination. He shook his head, blinking with a short breath as he set back to task.

“Okay. That should do it. Grip my hand.” Gavin said as he lifted his hand in front of him. Not in a handshake, but in fully open palm in front of Connor. He pressed his open palm to Gavin’s, entwined their fingers and gripped. “No malfunctions or weakness?”

“No. It feels just fine, actually. Thank you.” Connor replied genuinely, but Gavin was not quick to release his hand. Connor eyed him, that curiosity itching so much to be scratched. What was this? He felt his own thirium pump shift, more static. This was having a physical effect on him he could not place, the longer Gavin held his hand like that. “Gavin?”

In an instant, he hand let his go and he turned back to the table to place everything back into the kit.

“You should be good now. Probably best if you left. I should get some rest.” Gavin said quickly, but something else caught Connor’s attention as Gavin turned his back on him. Blood on the back of the Detective’s shirt. Another wound he hadn’t seen.

“Gavin. You’re still injured.” Connor said as he hopped down off the counter and walked over to him. He felt Gavin tense as he took the rim of the neckline on his shirt and pulled it down a bit.

“It’s okay. I can do it.” Gavin said quickly.

“It’s on your back. You can’t reach there. Take off your shirt and I’ll get it for you.” Connor offered. When Gavin didn’t move, he added “As soon as I make sure it’s nothing bad I will leave. You agreed to this earlier, remember?”

Gavin sighed, lifted his hands to gently remove the cat from his shoulders. He sat it onto the floor where it remained, staring up at them as if disappointed to no longer be a part of the situation. Then, begrudgingly, Gavin put his hands to the hem of his shirt and tugged upwards. For a moment, Connor caught the flash of something blue glint as it moved at the base of Gavin’s neck, then he realized that it was an LED. Unmistakably, his LED.

Gavin’s eyes followed his no doubt startled looking ones to the necklace at his chest and realization dawned there as he turned away, scrambling to get back into the shirt. Maybe hoping Connor didn’t notice?

“Gavin…” Connor began, but Gavin just started walking away from him. Without thought, he pursued the man as he entered his bedroom off the living room. Gavin tried to close the door, but Connor pushed it open easily as Gavin stumbled backwards. “Is that my LED?”

“It’s not what you think.” Gavin said quickly as he stood by the bed, arm out as if Connor might punch him. But Connor didn’t feel anger. He didn’t know what to feel, because he didn’t know why a part of him was hanging around Gavin Reed’s neck.

“Is that my LED?” Connor asked again. “Let me see it.”

He stepped forward, hand outstretched to pull at the leather straps that held it up, but Gavin smacked his hand away. That startled him, but did not stop his pursuit. Gavin grabbed at his hands, trying to prevent him from seeing it again and Connor found himself struggling with the Detective, being pulled towards him, hitting the bed and straddling over Gavin as he yanked the man’s shirt down. It was his LED, still glowing a dim blue as it pulsated against Gavin’s chest as his heart rate elevated quickly.

Gavin was breathing heavily and that red hue was more apparent on his chest as Connor held the shirt collar open. Gavin’s eyes were lidded and suddenly Connor realized something. Like all the puzzle pieces were falling into place.

“You-” He began, but Gavin leaned up quickly and pressed his lips against his. Connor’s eyes widened, unsure of what to do, but finding himself intrigued. Fascinated. He could analyze the alcohol still left on Gavin’s tongue as it ghosted between his lips. His body temperature peaked, the open eyes watching him fully dilated and a scent lingered between them, coming from the Detective’s skin. Gavin took his bottom lip between his own and tugged. Connor felt something at this, but could not define it and that only made him pursue it more.

Static.

———-

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fatmandd1 · 5 years

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The journey through god of war is very, very different from all the other hack and slash games in the genre. You no longer deal with Blades of Chaos and the gods of Olympus. You are completely thrust into a new world and mythology. You are dealing with Kratos after the death of his wife, as someone who’s moved on from his past and started a new life. And seeing the growth of him and his son Atreus, Kratos is a whole different character now, interacting with Norse mythology. Seeing the tag team style of playing with these two, the father and son aspect is like the bear and the cub, the bear being someone with a lot of age, youth, wisdom and time, Atreus as the young cub being stubborn and greedy and wanting to just have fun. Fighting enemies and leveling throughout the game is a struggle in itself and the hardest difficulty. We meet Freya, which is the wife of Odin. We meet the brothers Brok and Sindri, which are the best forgers in the game when you are able to level up and get more items. Even with these two characters and their story, they are interlocking brothers who hate each other and still love each other. They are always separate, found in different areas and have different ways of approaching their craft, but are still brothers. Sindri can listen to the metal differently than his brother when forging, He’s insanely clean and can communicate with humor which is incredible. Brok is a dirty, grungy, hands on type of specialist in feeling weapons when trying to forge. He gets the feel of the blade and gets it to tell him what it wants to be. His brother might not understand it because he doesnt wanna get his hands dirty. In that way they are different, but still similar because they are both still forgers, dedicated to their crafts. There’s also Freya, and seeing her story and the love that she has for her son Baldur. It drives her to cast a spell, making him invulnerable to pain and it drives his character throughout the game. He looks to undo it, and even though she did it to protect him, Baldur sees it as another way to try to control him. So we see a lot of comparison stories between family relationships and dynamics and, love that means well but doesn’t end well. Even when it comes to Kratos finally telling his son in Atreus’ most scary moments of possibly dying that he is half God and realizing the evolution of Atreus one day becoming Loki. Knowing his own past, he is unsure of how his son will react, especially after instilling the belief in him that Gods are bad and evil. The best part of the game is when you sit down and talk to Mneir, just a magical talking head. As you’re rowing through the waters, Mnir has all the stories every time you go to different lands and kill certain creatures. He tells the stories that have happened in Norse mythology, and they’re incredible. Knowing his history with Odin and how he lost his eye and got bound by a tree, is incredible. Even his relationship with one of the, supposedly, most loving, powerful, and wise Valkyries (which is one of the final battles in the game and extremely hard), is incredible.There are more interlocking stories with family and crewman-ship and fathers and gods killing their children, that you have to play to find out. The core mechanics may still be hack and slash but here, you must always have a plan of attack and a strategy. You have to be being quick on your feet, always waiting for the opponent’s next move and always being hesitant on what you can and can’t do with your weapons. No matter if the enemies are big, small, dragons, or even fighting Norse gods like Thor’s sons. The game tackles a lot of family aspects but also puts you in tough situations. Now you can make choices, which can be super detrimental towards the game. When you finally get the blades of chaos, when Atreus is dying, it feels like a return to the original God of War. That rage returns as well as the move set and attacks. Even the moment when you see Athena appear in front of Kratos as the boat is moving along in the river. Watching the world be destroyed around him, as Atreus is dying and as we get the blades, you as the player feel that it’s time to unleash the original God of War, no holding back, no more using the axes, now you have combo attacks, and you feel like you can defeat every difficulty (except on super hard cause they get super hard), even fighting the Valkyries takes almost everything you’ve got (and I believe they are the best things to fight in the game). Even though we never get to see Odin as a character, you always get the stories of him and his dictatorship and his overwhelming power as the all father. You get to see how Kratos’ wife would always defeat Thor without even fighting him, simply outsmarting him every step of the way because she planned steps ahead of him. You will always get something from this game, which is more backstory than what was given in the first 3 installations for the Greek mythology side. It’s a build up, even when you have Atreus back in good health and you tell him he’s a God, you feel the shift in his character—the cockiness of a young boy, the arrogance of a young god/giant—and that changes over the game, as he realizes his way and understands his father more. In more than one way, Kratos and Atreus both grow as characters. There is painful growth at the end when you kill Baldur, Freya’s son, as Kratos seems to parallel his father Zeus as a God and a father. Kratos says the same line that his father said in God of War 3, “we must be better,” and snaps Baldur’s neck. But, in that moment of release, Baldur is free to truly die. Freya may hate you and we may have created a new enemy, but the actions of killing her son were because Atreus didn’t want to see Freya’s son kill her. Here, Kratos chooses to end the cycle of children killing their parents (who are Gods), and brings it back to God’s killing Gods, by killing Baldur himself. And we may have created a new enemy in Freya but, Kratos and Atreus thought it best to protect her. Coming closer to the end, you find that Atreus’ mother laid everything in front of him. She knew their path would be almost harder than anything and even in the beginning. She had Kratos chop down those enchanted trees because she knew she would have to push Kratos one way or another to get what she needed done. It may have exposed their location to Odin, but that’s what she needed to happen. Kratos felt safe and hidden. She needed him to be exposed to the world and not lock himself away, trying to control his anger, and at the end when you spread her ashes over the giants that are all perished, Kratos is free to remove his bandages. He is no longer afraid to show his old scars and show that he is the God of War. And when you go home and finally beat the game, that ending is something that you wanna fight in the next game. That ending is something that I kind of played to see and hoped happened and there’s so much speculation and so many possibilities. So playing this game was a journey. I took days and days to extend my play, to make sure I got every single enjoyments out of it. As a fan of the series, as someone that brought a statue with a hardcover case, seeing Thor at the end made me happy because we only got to visit a few realms out of the game. For the next one, I can’t wait to visit the realms we couldn’t go to, and I hope that we get to play as Atreus only in the game and at the end we get to play as his father. This God of War game had so many conflicting emotions, but it was able to tell the story of a father, a family, a brother, and it was able to push you to hope and see and wait for what’s next. So, I thank Sony, Santa Monica Studios, Cory Barlog, and the entire team for GOW from voice actors to digital effects, to music. This game has overpowered me and changed my perception of how people can change over time and it was able to tell a beautiful narrative. So thank you, and I can’t wait for the next one. A. Ringling

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richincolor · 5 years

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Hey, everyone! The Rich in Color bloggers have gotten together to discuss Elizabeth Acevedo’s second novel, WITH THE FIRE ON HIGH. As always with a group discussion, there will be spoilers ahead! But if you’ve already read the book, be sure to let us know what you thought about the novel!

Ever since she got pregnant freshman year, Emoni Santiago’s life has been about making the tough decisions—doing what has to be done for her daughter and her abuela. The one place she can let all that go is in the kitchen, where she adds a little something magical to everything she cooks, turning her food into straight-up goodness.

Even though she dreams of working as a chef after she graduates, Emoni knows that it’s not worth her time to pursue the impossible. Yet despite the rules she thinks she has to play by, once Emoni starts cooking, her only choice is to let her talent break free.

Audrey: One of the things I immediately loved about WITH THE FIRE ON HIGH was that this novel wasn’t about the question of if Emoni should continue with her pregnancy. Instead, we were dropped into Emoni’s life after the fact, when she is a senior in high school and a teen mother to a toddler. It was refreshing to have a book about the afterwards of the decision to keep a child and all of the challenges that came with it. It wasn’t all cute baby snuggles (though there were plenty of those)–Emoni had to deal with Tyrone and his family, her family’s financial difficulties, school issues, and a lot of stigma regarding her teen parenthood.

Crystal: Yes, this really gets into some of the complications of teen pregnancy. We see Emoni’s struggles along with the love she has for her daughter. I also appreciated that Emoni thinks through why she was with Tyrone in the first place. She realizes, “So much of my decision to have sex had more to do with being chosen than it did with any sexual attraction.” That’s something that many people can relate to.

Jessica: To be honest, I was just excited to be reading a new book by Elizabeth Acevedo, and I didn’t really know anything at all about what it was about. So I was (pleasantly) surprised to discover when it took place in Emoni’s life. You kind of uncover Emoni’s backstory gradually, just like you would gradually get to know someone in the non-fictional world. That was pretty amazing.

K. Imani: I agree with you Audrey that it was refreshing to have a novel that didn’t deal with the “will I or won’t I” and showed what life was like after. I was reading this as my students were doing their rice baby project and reading Gaby Rodriguez’s The Pregnancy Project, which has my students reevaluate their opinions of teen moms, and I feel like Acevedo’s novel is a wonderful companion book as it shows us how Emoni did struggle but also how she succeeded.

Audrey: Parenting–and what makes a good parent–was a major theme in the novel. Emoni’s own mother died in childbirth, while her father kept flitting in and out of her life, and Emoni was keenly aware of the things she had sacrificed in order to be a mom and what she might end up sacrificing in the future. One of my favorite scenes in the novel was when ’Buela, a mother(-figure) three times over, admitted that she just needed some time to be herself and not a (grand)mother. I loved that we got to see ’Buela having a life outside of Emoni and Babygirl.

Crystal: Family was certainly a major part of this story. The way people are connected and communicating with each other via food is one aspect. Chosen family is also an emphasis. While Emoni’s father never stays, she tries to focus on ‘Buela who does stay and chose her. Keeping this focus is so much better than just dwelling on the feelings of abandonment she has. She says we make choices about who we will hold close and who we are fine without.

Jessica: So glad you brought up chosen family! I feel like in fiction, there’s often two extremes: It’s all about your biological family, or it’s about your completely unrelated friends-as-family family. Here, there’s a sort of in-between: A chosen family that is Emoni’s best friend, grandmother, aunt, etc. An inter-generational family made up of your relatives and your friends is a beautiful thing.

K. Imani: I like that the novel showed that families are complicated and messy and that there is no such thing as a perfect family. I also really liked how all the teens had adults in their lives in some way – even though Tyrone’s mom was horrible to Emoni, she was there for her son. I feel like showing all the different types of family showed that it really does take a village and that family can be what you make of it, but also the family you are born with.

Audrey: Of course, we can’t forget to talk about the food in this novel! I really liked how WITH THE FIRE ON HIGH showed the intersection between the “home” and “professional” culinary spheres and how there are a different set of challenges when switching between the two. Moving from one to the other was a struggle for Emoni, but I was thrilled when she went back to the class and dedicated herself to learning the information, skills, and discipline that would put her on track for a future career in a restaurant.

Crystal: I could relate to Malachi’s relationship to cooking so much. I had a boxed macaroni and cheese disaster when I was in elementary school cooking for my younger sibling and father while my mother was at work. His cooking was out of necessity and while he didn’t hate it, cooking wasn’t his love. Malachi and the others in the class learn and maybe enjoy cooking, but Emoni is pure magic with food. I almost couldn’t imagine her having a food disaster. Aside from her talents, the food she prepares nourishes people physically, but also emotionally. I loved this aspect of the story. Many people have someone in their life who cooks with love you can feel. For me it was my Gram, but her abilities seemed to go even beyond that.

Side note, I just had to try the tembleque recipe at the beginning of the book. I don’t think it affected anyone’s emotions, but it certainly delighted our taste buds. It was refreshing, subtly sweet and perfect for a warm, sunny day.

Jessica: The food! I wanted to start cooking as of, like, page one. I really want to try every single recipe in this book. Funnily enough, I was watching a Taiwanese drama about cooking around the same time I was reading this, so I got a double dose of the chef lesson “respect the recipe before you mess with it” via two different mediums. All the food imagery and the depictions of people’s relationship to food was just so vivid throughout. And I loved the hints of magical realism sprinkled throughout, with Emoni’s cooking affecting people emotionally — it reminded me of Like Water for Chocolate just a tiny bit, a classic I accidentally read when I was in, like, elementary school (yeah, WAY too young…).

K. Imani: I was reminded of Like Water for Chocolate too Jessica, especially as I saw the recipe on the very first page. I got all sorts of excited. I loved the way Acevedo described the different food Emoni made and even how she came up with her ideas. There is an art to good cooking and I felt like Acevedo show how much Emoni was an artist with her cooking. I feel like it also showed the hard balance artists (of all types) must learn when wanting to create, but having to maintain a living. Emoni having to learn that she must stick to a recipe, even when she disagrees with it, and even having the customer in mind at a restaurant, allowed her to understand that she can still be a full creative in the kitchen, just sometimes artists have to make choices to make money. I feel like including this idea, the tension between cooking professionally versus cooking for family, was an essential part of her growth and a good lesson for teens to learn.

Audrey: Emoni’s identity was front and center in this novel, and I really enjoyed how she embraced all her different facets, especially when it came to her Philly and Puerto Rican side: “This stuff is complicated. But it’s like I’m some long-division problem folks keep wanting to parcel into pieces, and they don’t hear me when I say: I don’t reduce, homies. The whole of me is Black. The whole of me is whole.” As a biracial reader, that line about folks wanting to parcel her into pieces really resonated with me.

Crystal: I agree that what Emoni said about her identity was powerful, but I also think the way she said things is noteworthy. The way these words go together is very lyrical and visual. Another good example is when Emoni describes the world as a turntable with people choosing which tracks to sit out and which ones, “inspire us to dance.” Acevedo is poetic and clever with words even in prose.

K. Imani: Fun fact – Emoni’s name is just a different spelling of my name, so I loved being able to connect to such a wonderful character in such a meaningful way. Emoni being so open about her identity and making sure everyone understood her position was powerful, especially from someone so young.

Audrey: Another thing I appreciated about WITH THE FIRE ON HIGH was showing Emoni’s support network and how things were changing as she approached legal adulthood: “And although her trust should make me feel better, I feel a slight pang in my chest. Every day it seems ’Buela is stepping back, not just giving me full rein in Babygirl’s life, but also in my own. And I know I should love the freedom, but I don’t think I’m ready for all the safety nets to be cut loose. Doesn’t she know I still need her? That I still wish someone would look at the pieces of my life and tell me how to make sure they all fit back together?” We don’t normally get a “coming of age”-type novel when someone’s already a parent, but I really enjoyed that duality of Emoni growing up just as Babygirl was.

Jessica: Going back to the chosen family thing — I love Emoni’s support network, and the way it’s woven into the story. Emoni is incredible, talented, and going places, but it’s her network of family and friends that keep her going. There’s just such a powerful feeling of: “You got this. We’ve got you. We’re in this together.” And seeing all these people come together for Emoni, while having their own rich and varied lives, honestly made me tear up a little.

K. Imani: I mentioned earlier that this novel showed that it truly takes a village for all to be successful, but her relationship with ‘Buela, and ‘Buela slowly pulling back is such a healthy depiction of an young adult/parent relationship that allows a young adult to become a functional adult in our world. I’m glad that “Buela always gave Emoni advice, but then reminded her that her decisions are her own and she’ll support Emoni no matter what. That allowed Emoni to take risks and make mistakes, but also allowed her to problem solve, and discover her identity which is essential to becoming an adult.

So what did you think of WITH THE FIRE ON HIGH? Let us know!

#with the fire on high #elizabeth acevedo #young adult books #weneeddiversebooks #long post

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theultimatereapermailbox · 5 years

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Mod: I was requested to share how I came up with Keiko So all the italics is that process.

I’m in a Facebook roleplay community and essentially, I had a habit of making pages mostly for my OCs. Originally, Keiko was supposed to be a My Hero Academia OC with a quirk called Asphyxia (then I decided to make her multiverse and adjusted her capabilities accordingly after a close friend of mine started roleplaying with Keiko).

Anywho, in developing my little baby.

I had wanted to create a misunderstood female character who had a devastating ability that she couldn’t control and did not want to be born with. Her appearance hadn’t been thought of until a friend suggested that Keiko should appear extremely pale with intense red eyes and jet black hair. While I was developing Keiko with the MHA universe in mind, her Quirk would have her be able to kill anyone by touch and the cause of death for her victims would always be asphyxiation. With her backstory, Keiko would have never gotten quirk counseling.

The backstory: Keiko’s mother had left her father when Keiko herself was about three or four years old. It was shortly after that where her father turned physically and mentally abusive toward his small daughter. Her father consistently called her a “monster”, not once calling Keiko by her name and while the girl was aware of her birthday, it was never celebrated in her nightmare home.

Keiko’s father would lock her in a dark closet after beating her, which caused Keiko to develop nycto- and claustrophobia. This has been her everyday up until she was fourteen, when her father was beating her to within an inch of her life. Having enough and adrenaline kicking in, Keiko overpowered her father and strangled him.

That moment was the first time Keiko showed the “Face of the Reaper”. While Keiko is often kindhearted and gentle around her classmates and close friends at Hope’s Peak, her “Reaper” face is cold, devoid of any emotions. Her tone of voice also changes to a completely different fluctuation, to that of a Reaper.

In fact, the last words she said to her father were: “I asked myself why I existed for you to hate me so much.”

One wonders why Keiko hadn’t fallen into despair throughout her whole ordeal, but the scouts at Hope’s Peak noticed that, regardless of her Ultimate title as the Ultimate Reaper, Keiko carried more hope in her heart than anything. She entered the academy the same year the SDR2 cast did.

Psyche: Keiko is usually very gentle and intuitive to the feelings of those she is close to. She often has a kind word to others and tends to give a very faint smile. Despite this, due to the trauma her father had put her through most of her life, Keiko has difficulties allowing people to get close to her. She also cannot stand to be touched, only making limited exceptions for her close friends. On top of that, she suffers from nyctophobia and claustrophobia. While she is free to room at Hope’s Peak, her nyctophobia has not faded and that Keiko absolutely has to leave the lights on when it’s dark outside. She also suffers from PTSD from the abuse; shouting directed at her and the slightest touch are just a couple of her triggers that will have her flashbacking to the abuse she endured. Keiko also suffers from insomnia, which she is working little by little to overcome. On top of this, Keiko suffers from very low self-esteem and has a history of self-harming due to deep-seated feelings that she does not deserve to be happy and that she is a monster who shouldn’t be alive. Keiko also has a slight tendency to confuse platonic and romantic forms of affection and usually doesn’t know when someone genuinely cares for her due to the fact that she’s never had the emotional bonding during her childhood. As a result, she can sometimes appear a little clingy for her friends because of a lack of those emotional bonds that are vital to a child growing up.

Physical: Keiko has scars all over her back and her thighs. The scars on her back are from when her father abused her and the scars on her thighs were self-inflicted. Keiko often has all of her scars covered up, insecure about them; while she mentally feels she is an undeserving monster, physically she thinks her friends would think she is a monster if her scars are seen.

Relationships

With Sonia: Sonia was the first person to attempt to bond with Keiko. At first, the ravenette was distrustful of the blonde, paranoid at Sonia’s curiosity and kindness, that she resisted Sonia’s attempts at friendship at first. Sonia, however, kept persisting in pursuing a friendship with the mysterious Keiko who spoke very little of her past until Keiko decided to let Sonia in little by little until the blonde became Keiko’s very best friend. Sonia had also found Keiko before, in the midst of a depression so deep that Keiko had been cutting her thighs in her room and didn’t lock the door. Catching Keiko in the act, Sonia had begged the girl to stop, to reassure her that she was worth something; however, Sonia also maintains a watchful eye on Keiko whenever her expressions or mannerisms teeter on the edge. The girls are close enough that Keiko accompanies Sonia when the princess wants to find books or series pertaining to drama series or serial killers and Sonia sits through nature documentaries with Keiko. Sonia also indulges Keiko in her strange fascination with certain topics, which may have Keiko be slightly spoiled.

With Gundham: (this one is a little biased and long due to an active FB roleplay I have with a friend and we ship these kids together lol) Keiko was definitely curious about Gundham when he first approached her and proclaimed, “Calm yourself, oh dead one! For the ascendant ruler or ice has come to free you from yourself!” Keiko was so surprised by his words that the only thing she could muster up was “I’m not dead…”, to which Gundham curses that an overlord like himself was wrong. Despite this, however, he senses a “rancid” energy from Keiko, which results in Keiko becoming highly curious (and a bit enamored) in regards to Gundham. It wasn’t often someone approached her and could sense something that wasn’t quite like others. The two do bond slowly out of mutual curiosity of each other, though become friends when Keiko shows fascination in Gundham’s animals and his talent in caring for them. Keiko’s feelings do turn romantic with the amount of time she spends with Gundham; however, she keeps her feelings to herself, content to just maintain her friendship with the brooding overlord. Now, shipping-wise between my friend and I having headcanons, Gundham affectionately calls Keiko his “lotus” and Keiko refers to him as her “king”. He’s the only one she’s allowed to see her scars and she’s the person he’s allowed to come close. Gundham also becomes very protective of Keiko, adamant to make sure that she never bears another scar again since it angers him that she was hurt so many times in the course of her life. Likewise, Keiko is just as protective of Gundham and would do anything–even kill–to ensure his safety.

With Hajime Hinata: Hajime and Keiko have a very interesting friendship. Being the last person to meet the Ultimate Reaper, Hajime found it quite surprising that Keiko would dislike her Ultimate title, much less her status as an elite. Keiko had been curious of Hajime, in why he wanted to be part of the “elites”, as he called the Ultimates. Even after Hajime becomes Izuru and Keiko (with the rest of her classmates) become Ultimate Despairs, the two often ended up “working” together (i.e. Izuru monitoring when Keiko would “reap” someone). In the Neo World program, Hajime and Keiko get along quite amicably, with the ruby-eyed girl constantly amused by Hajime’s deadpans or sasses. Hajime is also fairly defensive of Keiko while they were trapped in the Neo World Program when the others tended to judge her based on her Ultimate title (especially when Nagito says that Keiko’s title sounds “despair-inducing”) and often tells Keiko she needs to speak up more for herself. Keiko and Hajime have a platonic-sibling sort of friendship where he would take the role of an older brother to a cautious younger sister.

#how mod came up with Keiko #complete with a whole dang index #keiko's birthday #she's a pisces #march 6th

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