#also i'm a trans man so why did they even follow me???? they'd probably hate me just for being a guy already i'm so confused | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

finecutvoidsalt · 1 year

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reflecting on my education in middle and high school is fucking wild. like it's a miracle i didn't become some kind of fascist with how they were prepping me to fall down the far right pipeline. christian private schools will literally just teach you anything huh

like I just had a memory beam into my head of my history teacher teaching us that andrew jackson was actually totally cool and that he was only held back by those pesky laws that didn't let him genocide ALL the natives. like what the fuck is that. how did I hear that and think it was normal. trick question it's because i was a (undiagnosed autistic) child and my brain was squishy enough that I was still absorbing everything authority figures told me as absolute truth. even if something sounded wrong, everyone else around me says it's ok, so I guess it is?? type shit

thank fuck I had a genderfluid friend in high school. Eren if you're out there I need you to know you probably saved me from becoming an ultra far-right dumbass, you actually got me thinking about other groups of people as actually PEOPLE. we were already friends before they realized they were genderfluid and (very patiently) explained the concept to me. my autistic ass was like "wait people can feel like their gender? It's not just a label that's arbitrarily placed on you and you just accept it?" and THAT took me a hot minute to figure out (tbh I still don't really understand because I've never felt that strong of a connection to my own gender, but I understand enough that it is important to a lot of people and to be respectful and that's what matters most I think. so thank you for that eren)

but still, that was only my first, tiniest baby step out of the hyper-religious and conservative bubble I was raised in. i try not to be too angry at past-me for all the bullshit I believed in, I was very much a product of my environment and I did change once I was exposed to other people and religions, but. man. I was looking though old school assignments a while back (and yes I still have them because I have a weird fear of throwing away certain things like homework/paperwork, regardless of the fact that I'm no longer in school), and WOW that shit was racist as hell. holy fuck. WHY was I taught that the Catholic crusades were a good thing????

Also I was exclusively taught that Capitalism Good and Communism Evil. we read Ayn Rand and were told that the invisible hand was awesome and that all governmental regulations on economics are terrible. also taxes are bad. poor people deserve to live the way they do because they are just Bad With Money and the government shouldn't support them financially because uhhhhh reasons. If I was talking to a Church Person they would follow that up with "the church should be the ones supporting the poor, not the government" and I would be like "so why aren't churches supporting the poor" and they'd be like "well not all churches follow the bible like Us, The True Christians" and then I respond "so who is supporting the poor if the government shouldn't be allowed to and the churches won't?" and they would say "uhhhhh why don't you go hang out with the other teens ahaha"

huge shout out to this one girl I knew in my old church, who managed to see past all the bs and was a very staunch feminist. girl I am SO sorry for all the stupid shit I said to you. I my brain was poisoned from all the indoctrination and steven crowder I was watching on youtube. Society IS fucked and I'm sorry I was so annoying about being like "um well, acktually, statistically—" god I was so fucking stupid. She's still out there being a leftist/feminist icon somewhere cause I heard her family being like "she needs prayers for her to Return To God". although there's also the chance she's a terf now or something, can't discount the fact that she was also raised hyper religious and to hate trans people, that shit sticks in your brain if you don't take steps to address it

ANYWAY all this to say, thank FUCK I escaped that line of thinking. so thankful to all the online communities that opened me up to left leaning politics and supporting LGBTQ+ people, and even more thankful to all my LGBTQ+ friends who have been patient with me (and welcomed me into the community!! shout out to my other aroaces) and answered my questions in good faith over the years, I'm genuinely trying to be better <3 I'm under no illusions that I'm finished learning, I'm sure there's still plenty of shit beliefs hiding somewhere in my psyche that I haven't figured out yet, but I'm staying open to change and to listening to others' experiences and beliefs!!

#long post #vent i guess #lmao remember how conservatives are always like ''the left is indoctrinating children!!1!!'' BRO WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS #indoctrination #thats what you call it #ough

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