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#also i skimmed the begining of it and i dont really feel like having to go thru one of his skits for the awards

priceforrottenjudgement · 3 months

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I didnt want to be negative about natla, i didnt want to hate it, i was really really rooting for it at first, even when the original creators exited the project i was still being positive about it.

On its own this is a good show. Ive seen ppl criticise acting or cgi, but i thought both of those were good. The casting (with one exception) is amazing.

And thats what makes me so mad, the show really had all the requirements to be great, but in their idiotic attempt to appeal to "Fans of got" they committed the exact same mistake the got writers did, namely thinking they can or need to improve the original.

Natla is chock full of unnecessary little changes, but these changes add the fuck up. Taking away so many of kataras lines or actions and giving them to someone else? Removing her anger about sexism, but not the sexism itself? Aang can fly? Aang didnt run away from his Avatar duties, taking away a big part of his character development? Cutting out ALL the slapstick humour? The weird ass first 5 minutes? Fucking making us watch the airnation genocide? And thats just ep 1.

Also why why whyyyyyyyyyyyy the fuck did it need to be dark and gritty?? WHY. they said they wanted to appeal to the original audience and got Fans, like, i dont even have words for this, why??? Why even try to adapt atla when you plan on fundamentally changing the vibe and style of the original Show, why not just pick literally any other grimdark fantasy instead??

I feel so bad for this cast, they truly deserved better, but the producers of natla clearly only had profits on their minds and tried to 'widen' the intended audience by adding dark and edgy shit (as if the og atla Fans werent enough) while also removing amything deemed too controversial (the sexism discussions, character flaws, putting sokka in make up,...). Also "show dont tell" is dead i guess.

This sucks man, i wish the cast all the best and a successful career, but i skimmed through reviews of the show and needless to say i wont watch more than the first ep. This is genuinely disappointing.

Again, on its own this would be a great show, but as an adaptation of atla it falls completely flat bc it misunderstands whst made atla so good to begin with. Youre ofc free to enjoy it, but dont accuse ppl who didnt like it of being haters or purists or overly critical, bc i really really wanted to enjoy this, i wasnt gunning to hatewatch the show :/

Man, fuck grimdark adaptations, all my homies hate grimdark adaptations.

#natla critical #anti natla #m

31 notes · View notes

breadboybin · 10 months

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slytherin!yeonjun x ravenclaw!y/n [ft. ravenclaw!taehyun, gryffindor!yeri, slytherin!kim lip, hufflepuff!san] harrypotter!au , slowburn ? , some fluff ?, intended romance ;; wc: 7.7k — in which yeonjun and y/n slowly develop feelings for each other.

a/n: i imagine them much older bec also not imagining them as teenagers writings this? but you know for lore sake sixth year is what would make sense. also the level of deranged i am for not having written so long and then writing this piece in one day. there is so much going on i dont even know what to say but if anyone reads all of this and enjoys it i'd love some feedback! i just really enjoyed the thought of writing a slytherin!yeonjun and honestly, think this set up will help with writing any future scenarios or prompts of this au for yeonjun! (mxf although idt gender is ever mentioned so could also be read as gender neutral!) long ass a/n sorry i hate myself for this too. not proofread and maybe in the future i'll come back to rewrite or add or even rename this i just really wanted to get this out bec i was super excited to write it and have some semblance of completion!

“Hey y/n, are you busy this Saturday?” Is the first thing Taehyun asks after he enters the Ravenclaw common room area, making his way to where you’re seated on the ground by the fireplace.

You toss him a quick glance before your eyes return to the parchments spread out in front of you, quipping back, “Why? You finally pull up your pants and asking me out?”

At your sarcastic remark, Taehyun playfully pushes the back of your head with his hand before taking a seat on the couch beside you. He leans back into the soft blue cushion, spreading his entire body out as he finally relaxes from the long day of classes. From the corner of your eye, you can see him lean his head back as well before he continues.

“I have a friend who needs help with potions. Wanted some tutoring sessions, so I told them I’d ask around,” he says nonchalantly as his fingers begin tapping gently against the golden rim of of the couch linings.

“So, who have you asked so far?” You ask as you lean down to underline a few things, shifting your papers around before etching in a few extra notes on the sides. You had an extra project you were working on for Care of Magical Creatures and the professor was expecting a full report from you by Monday night. So, although you weren’t opposed to offering your services to help tutor someone, you weren’t exactly jumping at the opportunity either.

Taehyun lets out a chortle before he sits up and leans forwards, resting his elbows on his knees as he takes a closer look at what you’re working on. “You’re the first. You actually have potions with him so I figured he might be more comfortable working with you.”

That specific comment piques your interest and you sit up to turn at look at him with your full attention. If the friend he was talking about shared a class with you - they likely knew that you were good friends with Taehyun. On top of that, if they were in the same house as you, they wouldn’t have hesitated to reach out to ask for your help considering you’ve helped plenty of other students both in and out of your class session - Ravenclaw or not. or not.

“So, does this Slytherin friend of yours have an ego issue or something that prevents him from reaching out for help on his own,” you easily deduce that it’s not a fellow Ravenclaw student after the fact of potions comes up. You’re still curious though, to know who this friend could be considering you didn’t really peg any of the Slytherins in your class to be close to Taehyun. Maybe a few acquaintances but Taehyun didn’t throw the term ‘friend’ around loosely.

Taehyun chuckles at your question before he joins you on the ground and carefully shifts a few of your papers around to skim its contents.

“Ego. Pride. Tell me what issues he doesn’t have related to those,” Taehyun replies before his attention moves from the parchments to the library book you have sitting on the side. He takes it into his hand and begins flipping through the pages while you continue scratching notes onto your papers before answering the big question. “It’s Choi Yeonjun. He mentioned falling behind in Potions because of Quidditch practice and asked if I could help him but my schedule’s pretty full.”

You don’t hide the expression of hesitation that crosses your face when you hear his name. The star seeker of the Slytherin Quidditch team. Now that you thought about it, you recalled there were often times he had been missing from class for Quidditch practice considering it seemed he was getting a fair amount of professional attention regarding his skills. It allowed him special cases to miss class for additional and more extensive training. If you were honest, he had a questionable reputation from the things you heard but you never pegged him as the type to fall behind on his schoolwork.

“I didn’t realize you guys were friends,” is all you manage to respond with as you finally put your quill down and look at Taehyun expectantly. “He always seems a bit too aggressive on the field when he loses against you.”

Taehyun cracks another grin at your reaction before chiming in, “He’s just passionate about the game. Planning to go pro you know, so of course it gets to him when he loses against me.”

You scoff at his conceited tone before rolling your eyes. You could sort of understand from Yeonjun’s point of view if that was the case though. Taehyun being good at academics and sports? Hell, sometimes even you got irritated with how easily Taehyun seemed to grasp onto academic topics and acing tests compared to the effort you had to put in. But it was also part of the challenges and friendly competition. In a sense, you were kind of like Yeonjun - only, you were sure you were much better friends with Taehyun.

“So, he just needs tutoring for Potions?” You ask to confirm considering that all big questions are out of the way.

“Why? Did you want more?” Taehyun smirks with a raised brow before you groan out loud and throw a punch at his arm.

You had told Taehyun to pass along the message that you were more than happy to help the egotistic Slytherin - he just had to prove to you that he was serious about it by meeting you at the library that Thursday after dinner. That was approximately ten days ago since Taehyun had brought up the tutoring for Choi Yeonjun to you. It didn’t bother you perse considering that you typically spent Thursday evenings studying in the grand library anyway. What did irritate you to no ends though was the attitude the Slytherin had when he showed up unannounced, slamming his bookbag onto the table.

It had garnered unwanted attention as the other students throughout the area all turned to stare at the two of you while Yeonjun absentmindedly continued fumbling about as he got himself situated onto the bench. A few potion vials with a mysterious blue liquid rolled out from his bag - which had landed on top of the book you were transcribing notes from - onto the tabletop.

You didn’t hide the glare that quickly took over your eyes as you continued waiting in silence for Yeonjun to finally stop moving about and realize how much disturbance he was causing. It took about another minute of his shuffling until he finally felt the burn from not just the students around but also you that he slowly turned to look at you before realizing you weren’t exactly happy.

A hint of shame washed over his face before he stopped shifting and put his hands together on the table, looking at you awkwardly.

“You’re y/n right? Taehyun’s tutor friend?” He cleared his throat quietly while side-eyeing the remaining students that were still watching him in silence. “Taehyun said that you could tutor me in Potions.”

You held back the urge to roll your eyes at him and instead turned your focus back down to the papers and book below you - setting your quill down before you robotically picked up his bag and set it to the side. Your eyes lingered on the few vials for a second out of curiosity, trying to pick out what potion they were and finding it odd that he’d have those considering they didn’t look anything like what you guys were currently studying for said subject.

“He said that over a week ago,” You firmly replied while continuing your notes. You wouldn’t have been so opposed about tutoring him despite it having been that long but to show up and basically interrupt you without the slightest ounce of consideration for your time? It was completely insulting considering he was probably expecting you to do this for free considering you were both friends of Taehyun.

A moment of silence passed between the two of you before Yeonjun spoke up, “Right… I got caught up with Quidditch practice again so I couldn’t make it here that Thursday.”

“If you don’t want to tutor me anymore though that’s alright.”

You can tell that’s an empty statement in the way Yeonjun remains seated to his spot, making no move to grab his bag or anything. He must have been much more desperate than he was letting on - which, you would think meant he would have sought you out sooner to help him rather than continue pushing it off. In a sense, you almost feld a little bad for him.

“What’s in those vials?” You ignore his statement and finally give in to your curiosity about the small things. Although you were upset, you weren’t petty enough to revoke your offer just because Yeonjun didn’t have better time management. Well, as long as he didn’t intentionally waste your time following this session you were willing to adjust your schedule to help your fellow classmate.

Another moment of silence takes over as Yeonjun remains quiet until you look directly at him. He sighs before lightly rolling his eyes and grabbing the few vials hurriedly. He makes a move to toss them into his bag but you stop him before he can, quill landing gently on his hand while you raise a brow at him.

In response, Yeonjun sighs before answering you quietly, “It’s Alihotsy Draught.”

“Why do you have Alihotsy Draught? And three vials at that?”

Yeonjun looks slightly flustered when you press with more questions but he’s quick to answer as ignores the quill still on his hand before hurriedly stuffing them back into his bag. “I made them to prank a friend for-”

At the mention that he made them, you’re immediately taken aback. Alihotsy Draught wasn’t a potion that was taught in the general courses that you were required to take. It wasn’t a hard potion to make but if you didn’t have a good grasp on the subject, chances were you were going to struggle with it. So… Yeonjun needing tutoring but being able to make potions like this outside of class? Things weren’t adding up.

“Wait. You made these?” You immediately ask in response before you slip a hand into his bag and retrieve one of the vials. You ignore the look of surprise on Yeonjun’s face at the invasion of privacy as you bring the vial up to your eyes for a closer inspection. Part of you is tempted to open it and take a whiff to see if he actually made it correctly - but on the chance that he did, even the fumes could lead to you having an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

“If you can make potions like this perfectly fine, I don’t see why you need tutoring,” you follow up with as the temptation to open the vial sits on your fingertips. You begin scratching at the cork keeping the potion encased and look back up at Yeonjun who’s completely focused on your hand.

“I’m- I’m not horrible at making potions. I’m pretty good if I have to say so myself I just struggle with all the textbook material is all,” Yeonjun replies as his fingers reach towards yours before halting midair. He looks up at you with panic in his eyes for a mere second before his expression shifts and he immediately looks away. “When it comes to the written exams, I have a really hard time recalling details from the textbooks.”

He continues to avoid your eyes as you stare at him intensely before sighing out loud. You push the vial into his hands and turn your eyes back to the notes spread beneath you - missing the blush that spreads across his cheeks as he glances at you from the side before shoving the vial back into his bag. You gather you papers and organize them into a neat stack before shoving them into your book to mark the spot.

“I’ll tutor you, but you can’t skip out on me for ten days like this. I have extra projects and others who need my tutoring help as well. So if you’re serious about this, I need you to commit to meeting me weekly no matter how busy you are with quidditch practice. I know you’re not going to need Potions to help you advance with your Quidditch career but you passed the OWLs exam for it and still have to take NEWTs just like the rest of us.”

Yeonjun nods quietly along with everything you say before quickly agreeing, “Right, right. I won’t skip out and I’ll let you know if a time doesn’t work for me. Does that work?”

You take a good look at him and it seems like he’s actually sincere about being considerate of your time. It makes sense considering that he’s busy enough as is. Surely, neither of you wanted to waste time unnecessarily if there were better things you both could be doing instead of tutoring nonsense if Yeonjun didn’t want to fail the class.

“Alright.”

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned into months. You - admittedly - were quite surprised that Yeonjun actually followed through with meeting you in a timely fashion and keeping his word when it came to updating you on any of his schedule changes. Additionally, any rules that you added following your initial meeting, he surprisingly respected them as well. From not stuffing vials into his bag randomly (considering he couldn’t break his habit of slamming his bookbag on the tabletops to announce his arrival leading to one of his vials smashing open) to not asking you to meet him in sketchy parts of the castle for your study sessions (catching more than one couple doing things that should be done privately).

It was safe to say that the neutral misconception and slightly negative first impression of Yeonjun you had were easily washed away through the time you spent getting to know him through your tutoring sessions together. Unintentionally, you learned more about him as time went on like how he liked having his hair just a tad bit longer because he thought it made him look like a god but how his fringe would also annoy him at times leading to you keeping a hairclip on hand for him to use. Or the way he wasn’t a morning person at all and would somehow convince you to let him take naps on the weekends during your morning sessions promising you the best pumpkin pastries ever (which he always did) to make up for any lost time.

It had gotten to the point that some of your closer friends even started referring to Yeonjun as your friend after the amount of times they would see the two of you interact outside of class and tutoring sessions unprompted. Yeonjun wasn’t as abrasive towards you as he was with his male friends (especially that loud Gryffindor Beomgyu) but you didn’t think he was particularly kind to you either. The dynamic between you seemed to be quite neutral in your opinion.

You shared casual conversations walking from class, acknowledged each other in the great hall after meals talking about your session times, and sometimes ended up at gatherings in hogsmeade with each other because of the few friends you shared through Taehyun. Otherwise, it wasn’t as if you or Yeonjun went out of your ways to interact with each other intentionally.

Are you sure he doesn’t like you y/n?

Yeri’s voice echoes in your mind as you sit alone, reeling in the thoughts about how comfortable you seemed to have grown around Yeonjun as of late. Her question and your thoughts alone had planted an uncertain feeling in the pit of your stomach and you weren’t sure why it was making you feel so anxious. You were barely friends at the very most, borderlining acquaintances actually.

So why was the analyzation of how close you two had become throughout the months suddenly shaking you up so much? You had never considered much when it came to feelings regarding Yeonjun because - well - simply because you just never did. Yeonjun had always just been Yeonjun to you. Another student who needed help.

You’re pulled from your thoughts when said Slytherin suddenly pops into view calling your name questioningly.

“Are you alright? I was calling you from across the courtyard and you didn’t respond? Got your headphones in?” He asks as he raises a hand to push your hair to the side to inspect your ears. However, his expression only grows more in curiosity when he realizes you weren’t in fact listening to anything. “Something on your mind? You look completely out of it.”

It’s hard hearing your conscious when your heart is beating in your throat and your stomach is turning itself inside out. Because as Yeonjun is standing there in front of you with his mouth moving incessantly, you’re not processing anything he’s saying - utterly lost in that moment as you just stare at him in confusion. Because did it make sense if Yeonjun liked you? Yeri may not have been as academically proficient as you but she had a keen eye when it came to reading people.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” You miss the concern in Yeonjun’s voice as he speaks to you again, only realizing that he’s still waiting for you to respond or react in any kind of way until the back of his hand is pressed to your forehead.

A small gasp escapes your lips when you finally process the physical contact and you immediately scramble, doing your best not to look like you’re having a mental breakdown. You gently push his hand away from your face as you try to grab your bag but Yeonjun is quick (curse his seeker reflexes) and gets a hold of your hand instead.

At this point, you’re sure that panic is clear as day on your face as you try not to look at Yeonjun directly, glancing at him from the corner of your eyes. He’s looking off to the distance with a deep frown on his face.

“You don’t feel too hot or too cold,” Yeonjun mumbles to himself quietly. He seems lost in thought now, trying to pick apart your strange reaction - or better yet lack of reaction - and continues to hold onto your hand gently.

When you don’t think you can handle the pressure any longer, you rip your hand from his and push past him without giving him a second glance. In that split second, you both hate yourself for how irrationally you reacted and for the lame excuse you came up with to escape Yeonjun the situation.

“Sorry, I have a stomachache.”

Things return to normal after that interaction. Or so you think so. You’re not sure actually… and it’s starting to drive you insane because you feel like you’re starting to read into everything too much. Part of you wants to sew Yeri’s mouth shut because as much as you loved her, after she had asked you that you were struggling to look at your relationship with Yeonjun the same as before. You made a mental reminder not to mention anything about Yeonjun again around the nosy Gryffindor.

Your tutoring sessions with Yeonjun continued as is and he didn’t seem to be perturbed or even remember the way you had acted strangely. After calming your own thoughts down, you were able to put the idea to rest that Yeonjun might like you after seeing the way he interacted with another Slytherin sixth year. Jungeun if you remembered correctly, who was the vice president of the duelling club. She had seemed quite taken by Yeonjun and him in turn as well.

That one interaction alone had extinguished the idea that Yeonjun could possibly like you. It wasn’t disappointing perse, but you could tell the immediate difference in how you were around him. However… that didn’t change the way Yeonjun was around you and that was what was slowly driving you crazy.

You sigh as you shake your head to rid the unnecessary thoughts and continue on your trek towards the Quidditch pitch, pulling your coat in closer from the cool autumn air. Part of you regrets not having brought your scarf for more warmth. You had thought that being huddled with other students on the stands would keep you warm enough, but your inexperience in having never really attended any games was clearly showing through.

Today was a big game, Ravenclaw versus Slytherin. Although you weren’t quite into the sport as much as the school population and even some of your good friends, you figured that it wouldn’t hurt to show some support to your friends considering that both Taehyun and Yeonjun were the seekers for each respective team.

On top of that, after all the time that Yeonjun had committed to seeing through his tutoring lessons with you while maintaining his Quidditch, you had to admit that you were somewhat curious to see him play if he was seriously as good as everyone said (even Taehyun).

As all the students begin filing towards the staircases to the seating areas, you figure that it wouldn’t hurt to sneak towards the teams preparing for the upcoming match. No one pays you any mind considering they’re all lost in their own conversations about the winning teams and placing bets while you slip into one of the corridors towards the team waiting areas.

It takes you a bit of walking until you finally run into someone, hoping to ask if they can direct you towards the Ravenclaw team when you suddenly see Yeonjun pop out after them. You catch the surprise on his face before it turns into one of arrogance as he smirks and approaches you, telling the other to continue with whatever they were doing - leaving the two of you alone.

“Are you here to wish me good luck?” Yeonjun grins haughtily at you while he resecures the gear around his hands.

You hesitate at first on what to say but opt for telling him the truth, “Actually, I was looking for the Ravenclaw team. You know, seeing as I’m a Ravenclaw and all.” You pull at the Ravenclaw insignia embroidered into the front of your coat for emphasis.

Yeonjun is in high spirits though and simply laughs at your honesty.

“Yeah but I look pretty cool don’t I? Don’t you think that’s enough to root for me a little more than your house?” Yeonjun asks as he places his hands on his hips to display his uniform to you.

Silently, you give him a quick lookover but make no comments. Mainly because you weren’t sure if you were going to be able to keep it together considering that he did look good in his uniform. His fringe was much longer now than it had been before and part of you wondered how he was going to be able to see clearly with it hanging in his eyes. With the way he’s acting though, it seems as if it doesn’t bother him at all.

Yeonjun doesn’t exactly wait for your response though as he continues on a small tangent, mentioning his talents and why he’s bound to win this game. Part of you is glad that he’s so engrossed in his own excitement because it’s happening again. You can feel your stomach turning inside out as your heart starts beating in your throat instead of your chest. There’s something about Yeonjun that is more charming that you had ever thought or cared to realize. It seemed cliche, that it took seeing him in his Quidditch uniform for you to finally recognize all the things people always talked about him.

You don’t even notice the cold biting at you and your body scrunching into itself to preserve heat as you stare at Yeonjun in a daze until he suddenly leaves.

Was the game already starting? You hadn’t been listening to anything he had been saying at all - how embarrassing.

However, before you can even make a move to turn back towards the stands, Yeonjun is rushing out of the changing room with a green and black scarf in his hands. There’s a smile on his lips as he approaches you and hovers over you.

There’s a warmth in his eyes that you didn’t notice before when you finally look him in the eyes as he stares at you before he begins wrapping the scarf around your neck.

“Keep this warm for me won’t ya?” He smiles cheekily before pulling your coat over it gently. “And, how about I get that good luck instead? Seeing as the Ravenclaw changing room is all the way on the otherside of the pitch and the game’s about to start?”

The look he gives you this time is almost eager and with the way your heart is beating in your chest, you know that there’s no way you can say no.

“Good luck, Yeonjun.”

True to his word, Choi Yeonjun won the Quidditch match for his team that day. It had been a close one too with both Taehyun and Yeonjun constantly on each other’s tails tracking down the golden snitch. In the end, Yeonjun had managed to snatch the golden ball from under Taehyun making the Slytherin team victorious.

Since that day however, it seemed as if you had begun to see less and less of Yeonjun as he began receiving more attention and he had less and less time for schoolwork. Not long after that match, he had actually been granted an excuse for a week to meet with the coach for England’s national team to train alongside them so they could get a feel for his fit.

You almost forget why you’re thinking about Yeonjun to begin with until Yeri opens her mouth and starts talking to you that you remember why. Regardless of whether you initiated a conversation about him or not, she always seemed to have an idea for when things happened.

“So, did something happen between the two of you or something?” Yeri asked nosily as she dipped her spoon into her chocolate pudding before enjoying it with a smirk on her lips.

You roll your eyes at her before shaking your head as you eat your own pudding while watching the other students sitting near the two of you. You didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. Worst come to worst, someone misinterpret Yeri’s words and it get spun out of context before eventually getting to Yeonjun. That was your worst nightmare in that moment considering the last time you had seen Yeonjun was when he had given you his scarf.

That interaction had played more times than you’d like in your mind since he had left for the short Quidditch excursion. It also kept you up late at night and had you questioning more than if Yeonjun might have feelings for you or not. Because now, well, now the biggest question was - did you have feelings for Choi Yeonjun?

You had had crushes in the past when you were younger, but there was something different about these feelings you were experiencing around Yeonjun. It wasn’t just a mere crush with the butterflies of seeing someone you thought was cute. For one, you actually knew Yeonjun and interacted with him. So, the question wasn’t entirely insane was it? That you might have actual feelings for Yeonjun?

“Nothing happened, for the millionth time,” you emphasize to Yeri as you scrape the rest of your pudding from the cup it sat in. “He just went on his Quidditch trip and that’s why I haven’t been meeting with him for his tutoring sessions.”

You ignore the look that Yeri gives you, knowing full well that it means she’s about to say something you won’t particularly like. Although in all honesty, you were beginning to wonder if you ever really liked anything Yeri had to say - when it came to you or Yeonjun. Why was it that she always had so much to say?

“Well, I mean why is it that I know that he’s already back before you do?”

The implying tone she had set aside, when you heard what she said you immediately perked up and much more willingly turned to face her.

“Yeonjun’s back?”

Yeri doesn’t do anything to minimize the loud guffaw she lets out before banging her hand against the table dramatically, “Don’t look so excited y/n! You’re crush might rub off on me!”

It’s only been a day since Yeonjun has returned based on what what Yeri has told you. There’s no lie that you’re kind of excited about seeing him again after a week. It’s funny how a week is both short and long. When compared to a month or a year, a week seems like a speck of dust. However, a week in comparison to how frequently you had gotten used to seeing Yeonjun for felt much much longer.

Your nerves were eating away at you and you were glad that you still had Yeonjun’s scarf as an excuse to search for him outside of tutoring session reasons. Although at this point, the two of you could be considered somewhat good friends right? So, the thought that you looking to see him again shouldn’t have been so weird. If… you didn’t have a crush on him that is.

But! You didn’t have a crush on him right? After all the official definition of crush was in regards to things or people who were unattainable. And realistically, considering your relationship with Yeonjun, it wasn’t as if he was unattainable.

Which… that put things into a different perspective then. Did that truly mean that you-

Your thoughts are cut off as you’re literally stopped in your track down the castle corridor by someone. You look up and find yourself blocked by someone dawning a vest with the hufflepuff crest. As your eyes continue traveling upwards, you find that the person who stopped you was none other than the Hufflepuff seeker, Choi San.

You didn’t know much about him aside from that however, recognizing him from the few times you saw Taehyun interacting with him off the Quidditch pitch.

“Um, hi. Can I help you with something?” You ask seeing as he doesn’t speak up first. The nerves you felt from just seconds ago quickly dissipate and your hold on the scarf shifts as you bring it closer to yourself and hold it against your torso.

The Hufflepuff smiles at you kindly before looking around the hall nervously. He clicks his tongue twice before looking back at you with a bright smile, “Actually, I wanted to ask you something. I know this might be abrupt but I-”

Before he can continue, however, a loud ‘Oi!’ reverberates throughout the hall before you hear loud footsteps coming towards you from behind. When you turn to see who it is, your lips subconsciously pull into a smile once your eyes land on Yeonjun making a beeline for you and San. A greeting its on the edges of your lips, ready to spill but Yeonjun goes straight to addressing San when he reaches the two of you - standing in a way that almost seems as if he’s inserting himself between you and San.

“Um, Yeonjun?” You ask trying to grab his attention. Yeonjun simply takes a step closer to you, now partially blocking you from San as the two have a silent staredown.

“Nice to see that you made it back in one piece,” San’s bright expression from earlier is replaced with one that seems to be irritation as he scoffs lightly at Yeonjun. “Didn’t expect to see you back this soon.”

“Let’s cut the bullshit yeah? What do you want from y/n?” Yeonjun immediately spits back.

You’re surprised by the snap in his voice considering that you hadn’t actually witnessed Yeonjun acting like this towards anyone before. The closest you could recall were the few times he lost against Taehyun before you got to know him. There seemed to be some spite in his tone whenever he’d address Taehyun in the halls but never something seemingly as hateful as the tone he had against San in that moment.

It’s enough for you to know to stay out of whatever they have going on between them however and you choose to keep silent, simply watching from behind Yeonjun’s back. San doesn’t reply to Yeonjun but instead glances at you before exhaling loudly as he scratches the back of his head. It looks as if there’s more he wants to say but he keeps it to himself before taking a step to the side to address you. Only… Yeonjun takes an immediate step in the same direction making San roll his eyes.

“Sorry about that y/n. I guess I’ll catch you later when this kid isn’t around,” San says giving you a small wave before he turns around and walks away in the opposite direction.

You remain rooted to your spot as you watch San walk down the corridor until he finally turns and disappears entirely. Even then, Yeonjun seems to be lost in thought as he continues facing the direction San had left in. So, you make the first move and slowly walk around to face him.

“Yeonjun?”

It’s only then when you’re standing directly in front of him that Yeonjun finally seems to come back to reality.

“Y/n!” Yeonjun chirps and the hard expression that had painted his face just seconds ago is completely replaced with a bright and excited smile. “I’ve been looking for you!”

At the mention that Yeonjun has been searching for you, your heard does a jump. It’s hard to hide it as a smile makes its way onto your own lips and you beam up at him.

“Well, here I am! I was looking for you too actually,” you reply before holding up the scarf in your hands. You see a gleam shimmer in Yeonjun’s eyes as soon as they land on the scarf but it disappears as soon as it appeared.

He’s quick in pushing it back towards you as he bites his bottom lip softly.

“Did you keep it warm for me?”

You’re taken aback by his question and find yourself stuck on what to say, “I-I mean it’s been sitting in my room?”

“Then you didn’t keep it warm for me. I can’t take that back,” Yeonjun tuts at you before his eyes fall to your neck where your own blue and black scarf hangs loosely. Before you can react, he’s unraveling it from your neck and tucks it inbetween his arms with a huge smile. “I’ll use this one in the meantime.”

A startled smile plays on your lips and you’re unsure of what to say while the two of you share a quiet moment. It’s quick to end though as Yeonjun sighs before announcing that he was on his way to meet the Quidditch coach.

“I’ll catch you around y/n.”

“So.”

“So?”

Yeri rolls her eyes dramatically at you as she starts scribbling on her parchment again before groaning loudly and kicking Taehyun from across the table. He in turn hisses in pain before glaring at Yeri as she motions with her head towards you where Yeonjun’s green and black scarf is resting loosely around your neck. You watch as Taehyun shrugs his shoulders with a silent expression of ‘What do you want me to do?’ before Yeri groans in annoyance again.

“So are you and Yeonjun dating?” Taehyun finally chimes in with a small roll of his own eyes all while continuing to write on his parchment. “You know? Scarf?”

Internally, you want to knock both of them in the head for making it such an awkward conversation. Albeit, you weren’t sure if there was any way to have this conversation in a not awkward way. Taehyun always had a way of pressing your buttons intentionally while Yeri always made you want hide in embarrassment. So, the two of them combining efforts in trying to talk to you about this? Was definitely the worst.

“Um, we’re… not?”

“Like you’re not official or you’re not a thing?” Yeri whispers leaning in towards you eagerly. Her eyes are wide and you can read how long she’s actually been holding this in with the way her face looks, entire body ready to jump at a moment’s notice.

“Both?” You reply hesitantly. It wasn’t as if Yeonjun had ever said anything to insinuate that there was something going on between the two of you and neither had you. And sharing scarves… that was just sharing scarves right? It’s not like you could assume it was more if Yeonjun didn’t say it was and there was no way you were going to just assume that! Because what if it really wasn’t? You’d look like an absolute fool if you ever implied it was while trying to figure out only for Yeonjun to tell you it wasn’t.

“I cannot believe you y/n!” Yeri exclaims with an exasperated gasp before putting her head into both her hands. “Are you dense? I thought you were supposed to be smart!”

No lie, her little statement stings a bit and you’re about to shoot back a remark when you suddenly notice someone’s presence next to you along with Taehyun’s gaze lifting from you and Yeri. You turn to look at who it is and you’re surprised to see Choi San standing in front of you again. There’s that same smile on his lips from that day he had stopped you in the hall and he opens his mouth, ready to say something but when his eyes fall to the scarf on your neck he stops.

There’s a moment of silence before he gives you a much smaller smile accompanied by a small head tilt before he turns and leaves without saying anything.

As if on cue, just as San is out of earshot, you hear loud footsteps coming towards you before Yeonjun appears looking out of breath.

“Was that San?” Is the first thing Yeonjun says as he looks back at Taehyun.

Taehyun offers nothing but a small nod before looking back at you.

“What did he want?”

The three of you shrug your shoulders in unison before you say, “Not sure. He looked like he was about to say something but then changed his mind before leaving.”

You see a look of relief wash over Yeonjun before he sighs and places his hand on your shoulder.

“Anyway, meet me on the stone bridge after dinner tonight.”

And with that, he’s gone again before you can ask him anything else. A small habit you found you were starting to hate. It seemed as if the only time you were only ever getting to really spend with Yeonjun was the tutoring sessions and even then, those had become shorter and shorter with the adjustments in his schedule.

By the time that dinner rolls around, you barely manage to eat anything too frazzled by Yeonjun’s sudden request to meet him with no further context. Taehyun had tried to convince you to eat a little more in an attempt to get your mind off of your nerves but it hadn’t worked. Before dinner had officially ended, you had decided to leave early - too curious and on edge to wait for after dinner to leave.

It doesn’t take you long to get to the stone bridge seeing as all the halls are mostly empty. A few students linger around with friends, some alone with books, and others snacking on other things while the moon begins to rise now that the temperature has dropped.

When you finally get to the bridge, you find that Yeonjun is already there, standing between two pillars staring out towards the Configuration courtyard. The area is dimly lit by the rising moon but you don’t mind it at all. It feels cozy actually, despite the open space that surrounds the two as you approach Yeonjun.

“So, what did you want to see me about?” You ask as you join Yeonjun’s side. You rest your arms against the stone like he does and skim the landscape in front of the two of you.

“You know, San was going to ask you out?” Yeonjun suddenly reveals to you as he keeps his gaze straight, as if he’s avoiding you.

You stay quiet for a second before responding, “I didn’t know… actually.”

“Would you have said yes?”

His question surprises you and you find that you actually have to think about it. With everything that’s happened through the months and Yeri’s consistent words that had you questioning yourself every few weeks for the past month about Yeonjun… you realize that you had never really considered anyone else romantically despite never having even confirmed if Yeonjun did like you or not.

“I don’t know,” you answer truthfully as you lean forward and look down towards the water. “I mean, I don’t know much about him and never would have imagined him to have had any interest in me.”

From the corner of your eyes, you can see Yeonjun’s lips pull into a frown at your response. It’s an odd feeling, to know that you said something he wasn’t exactly fond of.

“Why do you ask?” You follow up with, hoping that maybe that’ll prompt an answer for any of the confusion you’ve been experiencing.

“Just wondering,” Yeonjun replies without addressing anything else.

It leaves you feeling slightly deflated considering that he had asked you to meet him so specifically. You were thinking - hoping - that meant he had something to say to you. Or to talk to you about aside from Potions and tutoring.

So you figure that you’ll have to push a little harder and decide to ask the question that had always been hanging in the back of your mind, “So, what about you and Jungeun?”

Yeonjun seems surprised by your question and for the first time since you arrived, actually looks over to you. You’re not quite sure how you look in that moment but you assume there’s a hint of worry somewhere there because he immediately takes a step towards you and reaches for your hands with his own.

“She’s just a friend, what do you mean?” He asks before lightly squeezing your two hands clasped together.

The warmth from his hands feels nice. You kind of wish that he would just hold both your hands in his entirely.

“I’m not sure. Just that you two seemed to have a thing you know? Since we were on the topic of San being interested in me.”

You can’t tell if Yeonjun wants to laugh or if it’s relief flooding his face as he lets out a big breath, “Y/n, she’s just a friend. I’ve known her before we started school here if it seems like we’re close. If I have to be honest I think she bats for the other team you know what I mean?”

You chuckle lightly at his joke and roll your eyes as you make a move to step away from the stone wall so you can face him properly. When you start shifting, however, Yeonjun hurriedly matches your movement and steps closer to you, pulling your hands into both of his. He doesn’t make a move to do or say anything else and the adrenaline that pumps throughout your body screams that you wish he would.

You’re surprised in fact, that it seems to be you leading the conversation despite Yeonjun asking you to meet him. That up to this point, you’re still the one who’s guiding by asking all the questions because it seems like he has something to say… he just doesn’t seem to know how or when to say it.

“So, am I just a friend too?” You ask quietly, now finding yourself avoiding his eyes as you stare at ground - at anywhere really except for his face.

Your eyes widen when Yeonjun suddenly pulls you closer to him by the hands and you’re forced to look up at him in shock. You’re expecting an arrogant look on his face after doing something like this but he looks at you more seriously than he’s ever have and it makes your heart skip a beat.

“I mean, I was hoping you’d be more than a friend,” Yeonjun confesses as he begins gently rubbing the back of your hands. You assume to control the nerves with the way he’s avoiding your eyes now too but eagerly keeping hold of you. “I like you y/n.”

The smile that makes its way onto your lips is inevitable as you finally hear the words you always wanted to confirm. By now, you had known - there was no question - that you also liked Yeonjun. So to know that your feelings were being reciprocated before you had voiced them to Yeonjun had butterflies erupting in your stomach.

After hearing that, you can’t help but lean in and surprise Yeonjun by placing a kiss on his lips. He seems to freeze for a moment before he mind and body catch up and lets go of your hands, arms wrapping around your waist as he pulls you in for an embrace and deepens the kiss.

You bring one hand to caress his cheek and can’t help the smile that breaks out on your lips before you pull back and look at him properly.

“Say that again. I want to her you say that again but while you look at me.”

At your request, Yeonjun breaks out into a smile as well, biting his bottom lip while a light blush spreads across his cheeks. He sighes as if defeated before turning to look at you and saying, “I like you y/n. I really like you.”

“Well Yeonjun, I really like you too.”

#yeonjun scenarios #yeonjun scenario #yeonjun #txt scenarios #txt #harrypotter!au #slytherin!yeonjun #ravenclaw!taehyun #i havent been in the writing scene for so long i honestly dont know if i can even write romance right anymore ;;

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pommunist · 1 month

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I really appreciate coming to your blog, to be honest for me its like a healing balm after even just skimming and scrolling others feelings on all of this. I feel like sometimes people are so unreasonable and it hurts to see people "taking sides" at all with this situation.

All Ive ever cared about with this issue is the facts. The fact that a lot of workers got screwed over and instead of buckling down and talking to people QStudios would rather it all just stop happening, make changes and not acknowledge what they did. Honestly they dont have to say anything that even takes blame for it! All anyone was asking for at first was a goddamn DM man. Like they didnt even care if they got fired they just wanted a message SAYING that. But somehow they "cant talk about it" otherwise they would be "complicate" as if they were expecting people to sue them before anyone was even suggesting that?

Everyone is acting like legality is so important as if the people who first stepped up about all of this were instigating lawsuits when thats only happening NOW because they refused to say anything! Its like...why did they have to be "careful with what they say for legal reasons" when no one was threating to sue them. Almost as if they KNEW what they were doing was considered illegal and DID have grounds for legal recourse. If not then why not make ANY statement? Why be so scared to say anything at the beginning? It just dosnt make any sense. I mean even the Union was like "we dont wanna sue you just talk to your workers" at first!

It just feels a bit like a lot of this is being blown out of proportion and considering in his last stream Q ONLY talked about himself getting doxed (not saying that Q is "over reacting" from getting doxed by the way, of course, but rather the community seems to want to use this as a reason to exempt him from any wrong doing), the Brazilians (which by the way the fact that it took ALL OF THIS SHIT for him to BARLY EVEN mention the xenophobia is just….wild ill say), and that hes not gonna be the CEO anymore and like….okay cool dude not what anyone wanted a stream from you about but like pop off I guess. It just feels like every stream hes done about this situation never clears up anything and gives vague promises that dont seem to be held or at the very least is giving us basically no info and just promises.

Amen to all of that anon ! Like everyone (including myself i’ll admit) is saying how it’s difficult to speak about these things because it could lead to legal consequences but also… You want to avoid a lawsuit ? You truly have a desire to make things right ? Then go talk to your workers. Give them the answers they’ve been waiting for. Listen to their experience, listen to their demands, listen to what they want from you. Release a statement with full excuses on the behalf of the whole company to them, thank them for what they did. Pay them the fair compensation you owe them for the months of labour they did for your project. Demand that your community and everyone else leave them be in peace, and condemn everyone who doesn’t.

Like sure, that may need you to admit that you did wrong which could be used against you in court but lets be for real. Lawsuits are stressful, can cost money and are time consuming, so who, especially young people without a lot of money and ressources to their disposal, is going to want to go through that whole legal process after getting everything they wanted and deserved from you ?

This isn’t talking about the Q vs the higher ups who refused to pay the admins and mistreated them btw thats a whole different legal affairs but still then, wouldn’t ex admins have be able to provide you screenshots of payments and conversations that you could then use in your favour in court ?

Also my blog where all I talk about is workers exploitation is like a healing balm to you anon ? You sure you’re okay ? /j ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

#qadmins situation

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thegongoozlerreacts · 6 months

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Dead Plate (Part 1)

hello!! its been a while since ive posted but here i am!!! so this game is Dead Plate created by STUDIO INVESTIGRAVE

i had played one of their games before, Elevator Hitch, and i really really enjoyed it! so im very excited for this new game that theyve released

though, this game is probably really different from Elevator Hitch, because that game was a visual novel type of game while this one has restaurant tycoon gameplay

still, im very excited

i hope i can get all the endings today (but probably not) as always, spoilers under the cut!

i know its literally just the title screen BUT it looks very classy

also the music? its a bop like yo BellKalengar is the composer and sound designer and like yo!! amazing job its literally just the title screen and im amazed already LMFAO

alright then lets begin

lolol i like the way they named the buttons for doing the tutorial, skipping the tutorial or just leaving the game on auto progress time to show up at 5 am then

the art is really cute these characters are really cute too esp the protag

i know its just the tutorial but i am very nervous LOL doing service jobs make me nervous (even tho this is only a fictional one)

bro protag why did u skim the interview thing 😭 is that why u've had 28 jobs in 7 years 💀

ooh interesting the cooks have an order in which they cook meals i need to remember that

wow so theres a lot to do huh theres seating the customers, taking their orders, bringing those orders to the kitchen, serving the food, going to the cash register to take their payments, cleaning up the tables AND throwing out the trash its a lot more than i was expecting,,,, lol good luck to me i guess

so like fun fact im actually not that good at playing games LOL esp this kind of game where theres like people and they have like a happy meter kind of thing going on i wonder if any of the endings will be tied to how well we do during the work day ?? probably

also can i just say that the music is really good i like the kinda jazzy (is that the right word??) vibes going on

it makes me less nervous about serving customers since its very chill LOL

WHY IS THIS CUSTOMER HITTING ME WITH A HARD QUESTION

I HAVE NO IDEA IF WE HAVE TO-GO BOXES OR WHATEVR WHAT HUH ?????

there is a right answer and i have no idea what it is im gonna lose my mind please. ok well lets pick an answer

im gonna go 'no' since the restaurant has a strict menu that changes daily right? so maybe they wouldnt do to-go boxes or ordering ahead and stuff (RIGHT???)

oh phew ok i picked the right one

LOL the banter between the protag and the tutorial guy (i dont know his name)

??? what the hell this customer just left right as i got the food bro 😭😭 have some patience damn this aint a fast food place

now i have to throw away this perfectly good meal (sorry cooks)

oh no now the real game is starting uhh aight alright then lets go

ok so that was like only three customers, i did pretty well but the day's not over yet shdajhsdsakhj i feel like a disaster n it was only three customers LMAO

oh it was only 3 customers for day 1 nice (i got jumpscared by the sound effect for the day ending LFMAO)

ooh green onion rolls,,, it looks good damn now i want to eat LOL

BITCH YOU LIVE LIKE THIS?????? damn,,,,

the music for this area is pretty chill tho

THE BATHROOM IS FLOODING??? AGAIN ?!??! BRO ??? THATS DISGUSTING

the window has a horrible view its just another building

oho? she? who???

bro dont leave the dishes for later thats sooo gross

??? HOW DID YOU BURN CEREAL???? WHAT DID YOU EVEN DO ??

i am appalled at the protag's lifestyle i cant even

so he has not finished writing lyrics and love letters for this girl he mentioned earlier the game is not revealing her name and im wondering why hmm its very sus

sorry im laughing so hard??? its mostly empty except for some cans and the fucking green onion rolls im cackling?? they look so out of place in this fridge LMFAO

bro how are you so bad at cooking that you burnt food in the microwave??? what are you doing???

wait. is his bed the couch???? bro i feel so bad for this guy

he biked through the rain,,,,, and he thought doing it fast would dry him,,, in the rain,,,,, im starting to understand why he somehow managed to burn cereal

he doesnt own an umbrella

aww this is cute thanks boss

he LIVES here??? wow damn his apartment is upstairs thats very cool

LOL protag keep ur mouth shut

day 2 here we go

SHIT HELP I TOOK TOO LONG ONE OF THE CUSTOMERS LEFT NOOO im restarting jkdsljlds its a good thing i saved

ahh i did way better this time but the day ended right as i was about to take out the trash LOL

oooh those look tasty too

oops ok so like i started day 3 right

well i was like 'i'll take out the trash before serving any customers' so that i can just easily clean up the tables right

uhh but then suddenly this happened ??? so like protag dropped the bag and cut their finger and the boss is having an odd reaction to the sight of blood methinks

HTHE BOSS JUST SLAPPED HIM ??? WTF

bro he just slapped him then was like 'oh dw someone else will clean it up' hello???? you just slapped ???? me ???

ok then moving on to the rest of the day i guess??

kinda weird looking but it still looks appetizing (the magic of art LOL)

oh shit theres a magazine ?? oops im gonna go back and read through previous ones oh nevermind its just the same one lmao

ohhh so this is where i buy items ok aight

and this catalogue is how our protag knew about the job for a waiter it also has an interview with our boss (Chef Vincent Charbonneau, i finally know his name) about the low number of employees i was wondering why we were the only waiter in the restaurant and i guess thats why

ok i bought the rollerskates cuz i need to be faster for the customers

oh and u can interact w the telephone to call 'her' but she doesnt pick up oof

sorry what is happening right now

what is that weird squelching sound?!?!?

BRO?? WTF WAS THAT ??? so like his body felt itchy, pressed Z to scratch and then suddenly lines were all over his body and then knives came out and i am so very confused

i think that was just a dream but what a weird nightmare

i guess onto day 4 then ?? at least i have my sick new rollerskates now

ooh that looks tasty

man i think im too slow cuz the timer always runs out while one more customer is still around lmfao, oh well

oh shit another nightmare

ohh so i can only equip one item at a time hmmm well since i bought the watch anyways i guess i'll use it

PFFT A CUSTOMER LEFT SORRY LADY,, she was waiting to be seated but i was preoccupied with serving food oopsies

restarting the day then

the nightmare hmm is the protag's name Rody since thats what it says on the label

DAMNIT I TOOK TOO LONG AGAIN

ok im just gonna use the rollerskates this time

AGGHH I KEEP TAKING TOO LONG ON THIS ONE CUSTOMER

restarting again,,,,

should i just let it go? probably but im not going to

IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IVE RESTARTED SO MANY TIMES

ok well youve not seen it but i have restarted day 5 soo many times and i am hungry so,,, here's where i'll leave it for today

even though i am struggling and getting frustrated, im really enjoying the game so far! i wish i wasnt so terrible at playing it so i could see more of the story LOL

like what is up with the boss? who is this girl that the protag likes so much? what is up with his weird nightmares??? and will i ever be able to finish day 5 ?????

tune in next time LOL byebyeee

#dead plate

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uglypastels · 1 year

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Right

I thought this was over but then i saw it pop up in my notifications again and truly had a face crack moment

Because that's all you give by leaving these kinds of comments. A very sad and empty feeling in my chest that makes me want to scream. Of course, it doesn't help that the comment was left on a fic where these were literally all the comments before it

(The last one i cut off because it just was a suggestion of where the story should go)

Now, i removed the urls bc i do not have anything against these people. It's not about them. This type of stuff shows up in almost every fic of mine.

And yes, obviously I appreciate the thought behind the fact someone wants to read more of my writing but I also cannot stop the feeling of how little the work i actually have put out is valued.

Maybe it is a short fic of not even a thousand words (although I have also gotten these demands on fics reaching 15k in word count) but it still takes time and effort and energy. Especially with requests, its difficult to write something you know another person has thought of, has expectations for... There is always doubt in my mind when I post a request that I failed the person who wanted the story because it's not what they expected. It's nervewrecking. So yeah, seeing people enjoy the story and wanting more definitely dissipates that constant worry But (there's always a but y'all)

A writer has their own ideas of how a story should go. Even if its a request, you get to interpret that in your own way (previously mentioned anxieties follow up later) and hopefully those interpretations will be appreciated. That includes the plot. And the plot includes, you guessed it, a beginning and an ending.

As the writer, I decide when and how the story ends.

By getting comments such as the ones I put above, I just get constant reminders shot in my face that no one really cares. Not just about me- hell, i dont care about myself- but about writers in general. No one cares about the actual creativity of the writing or the processes. Yall just want your free content, which is understandable in this economy, and then move on.

I could blame this on the Story Time/Like for Part Two internet culture and maybe I am. Hopefully you can see the comparison, especially with how on Tiktok all content constantly seems to be accumulating into series and parts and just never ending. All a person has to do is comment "pt 2 pls" and like it and done.

Just consider that, you get to enjoy something that is given to you completely for free, no questions asked. So why dont you actually enjoy it? Why does there have to always be more? (And if so, why cant the "more" be the already existing catalogues of the writers on here? Or did you skim through all that already -sorry im getting pissed off now, sleep deprivation)

Anyway, i'm tired and dont make any sense. Besides, i cant and wont police people around on here. read the stuff you want, comment all you want, but dont forget that the people writing the stories you like are also human with their own ideas and emotions. Not machines who can print out words at any given command.

#didnt even get into that i have specified on several occasions that i dont take requests through comments #or that i dont do part 2 #or how some of these comments dont ask just Expect there to be more #like no sir #z rants #writing

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margueritestjusts · 2 months

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8, 14 and 19 for the violent ask game >:]

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about.

this isn't really a fandom opinion it's just a general one that i've seen as the story is adapted but like... can we stop acting like percy is this paragon of virtue because if anything he is the paragon of privilege like... richest man in england, is basically a real life john bull. and the way he treats margot during the estrangement aside, he seems to treat the whole pimpernel thing as just a game and while he IS a good person for saving innocents, he 1.) only saves aristocrats in the beginning which..... 😐 do poor people not matter to you percy. and 2.) the way he treats chauvelin in the later books is borderline deranged, ESPECIALLY in sir percy hits back. like he is not this outstanding 100% good guy that adaptations (especially the musical) want to make him out to be. he can't look past his pride and he really doesn't have empathy for anyone who isn't a close comrade so :shrug:. but also sanitizing those character traits just make him feel bland to me so i just.... idk you can't really win with percy. i do like his overly fop persona though, but then again who doesn't lmaooo.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time.

BEAUTIFUL WRITING, SOME OF THE BEST CHARACTERIZATION I'VE SEEN, AND SOME SPICY PLOTS like i loveee fic writers so much especially in this fandom, especially when they're deleted or unseen scenes in canon like YES. tsp fic writers you have all my love!!! keep doing you!!!

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like…

some of the sequels are so bad they're good...... like most of them are shit but damn if i dont skim through eldorado sometimes because that is my guilty pleasure like. Armand St. Just and Jeanne Lange You Will Always Be Famous!!!! the dauphin plot doesn't really make sense but whatever. i can't stand orczy so idgaf.

#i will assume you mean i should answer for tsp lmaooo #the scarlet pimpernel #tsp #txt.#14 SOUNDS SO SACRASTIC NO I PROMISE I MEAN IT #i love y'all sm @ tsp fanfic writers

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neverlearnedtoread · 4 months

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Midnight in Everwood

⭐⭐; reading this book is like letting a kid explain their drawing to you - 'this is the cotton candy castle with a prince and princess and their 29 dogs and cats', they say, pointing to a wobbly blue squiggle and a patch of snot. all you can do is smile and nod and let it happen

Oh?? 👌😉😏

the narration, while over the top, fit the atmosphere the book wanted to create (confectionary sugar world). its probably annoying to listen to as the descriptions dont let up but im good at skimming so i could swim my way through the syrup just fine

i liked the beginning, before the author's hand became too glaringly obvious to ignore later in the plot - while marietta was never entertaining as a main character to follow, she felt more 'real' in her home environment, more believable as a character. i liked her relationship with her brother

I'll say this: finishing this book made me want to rewatch Barbie in the Nutcracker, just to feel something. what a classic! unlike this book 😭

No.. ❌🤢🤮

oversaturated with metaphors and flowery language - enough synonyms, hoity-toity French vocabularié and verbiage to rot your teeth out. it's also an 'oh?? 👌😉😏' point because i do think the author did it on purpose to create a certain tone, but it's A LOT.

i get the distinct sense that the author understands on a surface level that her character is a privileged whiny baby, but doesn't have the writing prowess to make her compelling OR put her through her paces of a satisfying character arc.

#girlboss #modernfeminism #womenarejustasstrongasmen played completely straight. a main female character who stays entirely, pretentiously convinced of their own girlbossery the whole time, despite doing NOTHING to earn it, and an author who reshapes the story to meet those expectations. anything for her #slay #girlboss #queen!!!!!

stuff constantly gets introduced just to not add anything to the story - the mouse king equivalent has in his castle a captured FAIRY and WARRIOR PRINCESS as part of his menagerie of women marietta finds herself a part of, and we just leave it at that. the guard captain is revealed as part of a SECRET REBELLION and all that happens is marietta gets weirdly horny about it.

the romance develops at the most annoying moments - they even decide to fuck in the snow (their bare asses!! in the SNOW!!! and not even a hint of pneumonia to show for it 🥶) before marietta returns to her world. i expected her to be hornt up, but the guy?? my brother in butterscotch we have got to get you better standards in women

Summary: Marietta Stelle wants to dance but she's too damn privileged to be allowed to pursue it as a viable career - she needs to get married to some creepy old man for the sake of her family's ambition, damnit! As her last performance draws near, Marietta is pushed into accepting the marriage proposal of the creepiest man in town, a mysterious toymaker named Dr. Drosselmeier. Of course, she's a #strongfemalecharacter, so she vehemently rejects him - only to fall victim to his (very heavy-handedly hidden) magic, which transports her in a magical world made of sugar, full of hidden dangers.

Concept: 💭💭💭 The Nutcracker isn't my favourite story ever, but I'm a sucker for a good fairytale - and for good music! I think it's a story that lends itself very heavily to a specific kind of whimsical, airy aesthetic - while allowing for darker themes or storytelling aspects to lurk in the shadows. A friend whose taste I trust recommended this book to me, and while I was skeptical that the summary (mostly because the blurb included a list of #tropes, which is a bookish red flag for me) would really deliver on its vague promises, I've done more for less.

Execution: 💥 This book should come with a 'NO DIVING! THIS POOL IS ONLY LESS THAN 1M DEEP' warning - it's so shallow I was encouraging my own reflection to keep going after every chapter. Bafflingly, this issue actually worsens when Marietta gets to the magical isekai world of Everwood - which is the OPPOSITE of what is supposed to happen! You would think a world governed by an evil mouse king (who is not a mouse, just a guy. he has enchanted mice running up and down his coat, ooh scary) and literally made of sweets would be fun, but we only get TOLD the names of its stories and legends and then the book is like 'next chapter! marietta felt more at home because her new friends told her stuff!' Plus, in the latter half of the book you really chafe against the author's lack of skill - like watching a puppet show while clearly being able to see the fingers / hands of the puppeteers, her characters are angry, awestruck, and miserable in the most wooden of ways as the author stomps on the next bullet point in her outline with all the subtlety of an elephant.

Personal Enjoyment: ❤❤ I can't say I enjoyed reading this book, because I really didn't - at one point I had to put the book down after SIX PAGES because marietta was getting on my nerves with her badly timed horniness (which she didn't know was horniness, because that builds ~~tension~~). But I had a LOT of fun recounting this book to my friend (the one who recommended it to me, who then gave up less than 20% in) and my sister. Everything that happened WAS frustrating, but in a way that made me laugh - which is the reason why I kept reading. It was like watching a collision in slow-mo - I had to know where it ended.

Favourite Moment: this entire book was painful but i had a good laugh when marietta and the captain fuck in the snow - and i do mean fuck. ass fully out behaviour. everwood is supposed to be stuck in a forever winter and they were all 'we'll just lay our coats down, it'll be fine'. like, i am absolutely sure it will NOT be fine, but you do you! it's not like marietta 'damn this feminism shit is easy' stelle is gonna listen to anyone anyway. that would be non-feminist! a ho never gets cold!

Favourite Character: Dellara, AKA the remains of a Sugar Plum Fairy equivalent stripped of every possible interesting thing and left on the floor to bleed out as a 'mean girl'. Don't get me wrong, Pirlipata was a fascinatingly underused character too, but Dellara actually snapped at Marietta multiple times (didn't amount to anything, but A+ for effort) and we simply have to stan her for that. Also she endures torture for the sake of others and is an otherworldly immortal being who becomes Queen at the end. I would gladly have thrown Marietta into the path of an oncoming bus to follow Dellara's storyline instead.

#midnight in everwood #M. A. Kuzniar #maria kuzniar #books #book review #booklover #bookblr #reading

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mueritos · 2 years

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hey so i skimmed over that post u just made but as an autistic person, a lot of what you described(not being able to stand noise or being around ppl for too long, rocking back and forth and not being able to fake emotions to name just a few) are very commonly found in autistic ppl, so it really wouldn’t be a stretch at all to say u might to autistic too. a lot of ppl throw around the term “high-functioning” as a way to kind of ignore autistic ppl and their needs+experiences, but it’s very common for autistic ppl to “mask” certain traits of ours so we don’t stand out in a crowd y’know? so that be what you’ve been doing subconsciously. i also don’t personally don’t think u need to get professional diagnosed to identify as autistic, especially if u really do ur research about it, which i don’t doubt you have:)

thank u, its honestly validating hearing that. I think I may have learned how to mask really well considering I was socialized and raised as a girl. There's honestly just no other explanation for my need for routine/order, my sensory issues, and my constant anxiety and fumbling in social situations. I also dont think I need an official diagnosis considering how difficult it is to get one, but I think talking to my therapist can help. She's know me for nearly 2 years, and she could help me put things into perspective. I dont even really know how to begin unmasking, but I have been letting myself stim by rocking a lot and by taking control of my enviroment so that its sensory safe to me, like keeping lights off and wearing my headphones. its all strange, but it feels good and like im getting closer and closer to understanding myself.

#muertoresponds #thank u thank u thank u

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jaccsonhyde · 7 months

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Thoughts on Pollack's Doom Patrol run

Ok so first off, I absolutely loved the run. Second off, I firmly believe that Pollack is a better more practical, condensed version of most of the things Morrison was trying to do.

The main differences being dorothy which ive talked about before (morrison just had her be sad and alone, pollack let her actually discuss her issues with her teammates and open up to them), but another massive comparison i never see made is between rebis, and between kate and cliff as a teiresias. Rebis was a very.... esoteric character that spoke in a lot of vague language and the issue about their transformation being a lot of abstract imagery and symbolism, whereas kate and cliff when they merged and became the teiresias actually talked to each other about what they were feeling in very practical words. I dont think we ever even had anything from eleanor pooles actual POV, or learned much of ANYTHING about her.

Morrison i feel has this... very specific tone they were going for, portraying suffering as something like artful and symbolic. At times it almost felt like a Ryan Murphy show with just how much it hammered you over the head with all the imagery. Pollack again drops a lot of the flowery language and imagery except for specific instances (namely the teiresias storyline in general) and it makes it a much easier read mixed with really cool fun stories.

Now the bad part of Pollacks run is the part its most famous for and its the art dropping off a cliff halfway through and becoming incredibly ugly and hard to really decipher. And it never goes back except for a couple single issues. It got to the point where I had to almost skim the very last storyline cuz the art was just awful and made no sense. If it had any other artist than Ted McKeever i think this run would be held in even higher acclaim than Morrison's.

Anyway if you can get past the art, Pollack's DP might be my favorite incarnation of the team. I absolutely love everyone there, Kate is just a really nice character I WISH there was more to see of, Dorothy is done so well in Pollack's run and is exactly the kinda storylines I was hoping to see from her and I love her imaginary friends (especially Paddle the Sky and Pretty Miss Dot), Cliff and Niles are maybe at their most tolerable since the beginning of Morrison's run, and Marion and George Bandage were BEYOND a delight, I would kill to have them back they're so fun and charming.

Also I dont hate Morrison's run or even particularly dislike it, I still love the run and especially its impact on the team, I just firmly believe Pollack's run is a strict upgrade and am kinda resentful its overshadowed by the bigger name.

I almost wanna get the Pollack omnibus but it's expensive and imo kinda overpriced considering the run isnt that long. Anyway I also reread Kupperbergs V2 run, and am now moving on to the infamous Arcudi run of V3, we'll see how far this reading kick takes me.

#dc #doom patrol #rachel pollack #dorothy spinner

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swampgallows · 1 year

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the usual

im mad because im trying to read books again, specifically trying to pick up toxic parents and body keeps the score again so i can try and Help Myself basically now that im back in the limbo of having no therapist. but trying to concentrate on shit and hunker down and learn things when i know it’s good for me i swear it’s like a flashbang goes off in my brain and everything just whites out. ‘concentrate’ isnt even the right word for it because it’s like i cant even begin to get started. it’s like staring into the sun to even begin to think about stuff i guess, it’s all so overwhelming. i want so much about my life to change, so much, so badly, so drastically, but so much of it just doesnt feel feasible that it’s like ive implanted this mental block in my brain to even dream of change because it’s too caustic.

that ‘autistic masking’ article about the boy who would build and paint his models at night then clean everything up so he left no trace of himself... i think about how much ive whittled myself down and have tried to take up very little space. how i dont play my music on speakers, dont draw anymore, basically only took up writing more because it was something that was between me and a notepad document and didnt take time the same way as drawing, and wasnt possible to immediately consume like a drawing (people grabbing my sketchbook and just flippantly turning the pages, skimming past drawings that took me hours in favor of minute long sketches, glancing at drawings that were supposed to express my deep feelings and having immediate reactions of disgust or ridicule)

i make kandi put it on a chain then put it away. it cant really go anywhere anyway, not like i’ll be attending raves again any time soon. i have no reason or place to wear my ‘fun clothes’ anymore. i wore what i thought was a cute outfit at christmas and even my immediate family had some shit to say about it. i wore a pair of stockings that ive had (and worn) since i was 14 years old. i wore them to my very first raver day at disneyland. and theyre surprised when i wear them now? like they havent seen them before????

even here i was about to say “i tire of myself” and close this window or hit post and stop here, but literally my blog is one of the only places i can actually express myself somewhere and send it out to a place where it’s seen. yeah i can write things down in my journal and ‘express myself’ there so that “personal stuff” isnt online but... i already do that. set up my models and paint them late at night, then put them away before anyone sees in the morning. djing only in my headphones at 4am, pulling them off periodically to make sure they arent too loud even through the headphones. lighting candles but opening the window so there isn’t “too much” scent.

if im autistic or have adhd or some combination of the two, then my whole family is too and all undiagnosed (save for maybe my dad. i think he’s the closest one of us to being ‘normal’). i took that blorbo quiz and it asked “How would they describe themselves?”

how would -i- describe myself? i dont know. people tell me im smart and funny. i think it’s because they cant think of anything nicer to say.

Part of me is still chasing the approval of all the world’s English teachers. Getting compliments on my writing makes me feel like my life matters. And I still struggle to ask for love and affection when a real, flesh and blood human is looking me in the face. It’s difficult for me to believe someone might care for me as an equal, and like things about me other than my intellect. I frequently have to remind myself I’m no longer a child, and don’t need approval of the “adults” anymore.

as long as im stuck living with my parents im going to perpetually be the child. it’s also really fucking frustrating knowing how ill prepared i am to live as an adult. even when i had a job i had to quit it so i didnt kill myself. i dont think just getting a job is the answer, though i know it’s a mandatory piece of the puzzle. ugh god

#blathering

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kamil-a · 2 years

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right, okay, even more thoughts. check out how hard i can [ramble] PSHOOOOOO. they may feel disjointed for a number of reasons. also again i did bingeread the entire hoshino manga at once while not feeling my best so i may have skimmed or forgotten information- preemptive "oops" for that if so lol

-blood is so humorless in this manga!! what im thinking about right now is the bath scene where he's just complaining about alice behind her back... in game she was there and they were having a kicking war under the water! she was lying to him and elliot about not being able to handle drinking! she complained he needs to watch his kids and hes like oh no, those are elliot's kids. it was a relaxed and friendly atmosphere! I'm pretty sure we dont get the box in box gift at the beginning either, or alice telling him to stfu about his tea special interest, or alice sizing him up as a second grade bully on a playground...basically he's such a funny comedic character and that is one of his main sources of appeal imo. so that's gone.

-but we ALSO don't go hard on "be my bad boy amv dangerous mama im in love with a criminal romance novel ohhh i shouldnt but it feels so good" sex appeal either? because right at the point where they would've had sex for the first time he swerves into kills you road, and then the story has to be about that instead.

-WAIT HE DOESNT ACT LIKE HE HAS ~A DISEASE~ (FELL IN LOVE) EITHER.... OR "IM SO TIRED I WISH ANYONE NOT TIRED WAS DEAD"..... SO MANY FUNNY MOMENTS....

-so like if he isnt funny and he isnt sexy why are people supposed to care about him as a love interest.... -_-

-i halfway take back my feelings of blood being ooc in that kind of anger at "youre too friendly with every guy" way. i think its a reaction that's possible for him to have because this game enjoys jealousy tropes. he does get extremely jealous of her friendships with particular other guys, and reacts....... in a variety of ways,

-interestingly though not with julius! his reaction to her friendship with julius is more like ��😬 okay so you dont know it but this is making a political statement you may not want to make.

-twice in manga ive seen him shoot around the tower for julius "taking her away" tho. maybe its a nonstay thing...

-i just dont think he should be acting like that because the situation alice gets into in the manga is one he should never have to react *to* because *it should not be possible for all of these events to happen in one timeline*.

-the half i am NOT rescinding is him accusing her of cheating on her ex/blaming her for that relationship's failure because we SEE him react to that in game and his kneejerk reaction is different.*

*from what i remember, he was like wtf thats gross i cant believe he did that to you, but also like you were in a bad relationship.... without me ;)???**

**that segment makes me feel really nasty so i dont want to return to it just now for posting's sake, along with not wanting to engage with , uh, beloved comfort media, on tisha b'av night. even the part that is uncomfortable.***

*** i debated holding off making this post till tomorrow night but ultimately lost the battle of will.

-it is extremely funny to me that so far like every manga author ive seen do a bloodalice plotline does the "omg are he and vivaldi a secret couple" thing because they clearly don't want to go the "i cant bring myself to tell him out loud i want to have sex in a bed and not a couch" route. i cant blame them but also , IF I WERE COACH, etc etc.

-idk im just very fascinated with telling bloodalice' story as a bunch of sex that is, while consensual (heres where i tell QR to shhhhh), bringing up a lot of conflicting and upsetting feelings in alice that she is hurting the relationship and the friendship its based on by Not Talking About. and the double-level of like... a late teen exploring adulthood/sex for the first time while also being a person older than that who is also navigating having sex for the first time because she has never moved past being like 18-9 emotionally.

-not that not having sex in your teens is a requirement of emotional maturity but that i personally headcanon she has never seeked another relationship after her first one. was too hurt and then lorina died and all processes kind of stopped for her.

-BUT THATS JUST ME,

-ANYWAY

-blood does have a "wants to kill her" plotline in game, so the manga does have its roots in that.

- in his route it's the same "i want to go against the belief that outsiders are lovable by killing one". its been a while but im pretty sure that gets settled fairly quickly so we have more time to either like or dislike couches, etc.

-in elliot's route he gets threatening towards her in a "i wonder whos side elliot would take if i killed you?" way towards the middle-end, and then elliot is like Um Hey Boss Can We Talk Privately and the matter is never brought up again. (I wish we got to see that convo. "can you not threaten to kill my girlfriend" "okay youre right sorry, that was rude", lmao)

-ace seems to want to kill her because he realized that it is not in fact the "meeting an outsider" that changes your life for the better, it's something else? which i guess plays down the sort of "youre like meeee haha" depressionsexual angle he takes in game, or maybe this alice just isnt visibly depressed enough for his tastes lmao

-alice in general, as i keep saying, seems to me to be kept a lot more hands-clean and "pure"- she doesnt touch clocks she doesnt drink she doesn't bathe with the guys, she never has a bizzare "murder is okay maybe??" moment (THAT I REMEMBER), etc. i feel like despite That Whole Plotline theres less making out/sex than in the game too?

-does she go on less self hating rants or am i just forgetting....

-if we MUST center this story around people wanting to kill alice for reasons related to her outsideriness i wish we got to heavily play up the "completed love" segment.

-a completed love.... that alice thinks the purest love is the love for a woman who's died. and that she feels she will never achieve being loved in that manner. near death experiences should be a perfect time to meditate on that, right? does she feel like she can achieve it? is she afraid that even in death, blood will ensure her memory is "some flirty girl who kisses up to everyone"- that she will Lose at Being Girl no matter what?

-i dont remember getting that though.... missed opportunities....

-i think positioning blood as an antagonist who wants to counter beliefs about outsiders by killing her couldve worked if he simply did not know her very well and then got to know her later on and was like oh i see. nevermind.

-oh, but the strangling was unrelated to this wasnt it? it was as punishment for walking into him and vivaldi's garden. which i think is a waste of like.... everything blood says about guilt, punishment, etc regarding elliot and that he sees the same in alice. couldve been a ~youve been a bad girl~ sexy scene lmao!!!! but he's apparently not allowed to have any sex appeal in this manga, so :'|

-couldve even tied itself emotionally to alice and lorina- siblings who can find peace in a garden but cant , for whatever reason, carry the story of "two siblings having pleasant conversation" outside of that space (for the dupres because it is dangerous, for the liddells because one of them is dead).

-man it makes me sad that hoshino's blood says she mustve cheated on her ex. dont SAY that to her dont you know what he DID-

-aaaaa AAAA OH NO MANGA ONLY READERS DONT KNOW HOW ROMANTIC AND SWEET HIS BALL SCENE IS IN GAME

-I thought it was adorable, anyway......

-he lies down in a guest bed like alice i am sooooooooooooooooo tired from dancing i wanna kiss you but im too tired you have to come over here and kiss me................

-thats all for now.

-FOR NOW...

#thoughtful honking #cannot stress enough how much this is a 'me needing to talk' post #not a wanting to like Share An Essay post #i think like all my hoshino posts have been like that but particularly this.

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gayspock · 2 years

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ok .... farscape momence

okay so randdommm thoughts dump time

FIRSTLY: there's some odd moments, huh, where its like. its never HORRIFIC but the "gore" for lack of a better term really pushes whatever the rating is on this show, LOL.... like the hand melting scene in last ep? & crichtons head freaking exploding in outer space in this ep? yeessshhh....

also also also. i see that this ep im on rn (dream a little dream) isnt a zhaan ep but as an aside. its sooo strange bc i love zhaan as a character but SIGHHHH. i noticed that zhaan-focussed eps, thus far, fall sooo flat and thats such a freaking shame!! i feel like they sorta dont know how to deal with her as the focus and they go too hard in the wrong direction. but anyways

and also they do make some odd decisions with her otherwise, even still. not ones im wholly against but... i feel like they sometimes dont pull them off well. and i say that bc usually its, like, with her - whereas with everyone else, i feel like they consistently nail and get right, even if the episode is weaker. its odd. maybe im just misreading her sometimes, or what. but again its a shame bc i rlly like her. and they do do GOOD stuff with her too, ofc- i love the subtleties they pull off with her sometimes- but sometimes im like man what like...

although that being said ido like that this ep did take the time to kinda. explore exactly what she went through in that interim period between s1 and s2 and i DO think, saving it for now, rather than doing it right at the beginning was the right choice. her being imprisoned and put to execution makes her state a lot more understandable. though i willsay- kinda obvious how like.... they were SCRAPING for a way to put this in here lol. its kind of weird to frame it with the nightmare thing but eh its functional and her talk with crichton is nice enough

ALSO i actually reallylove chiana and rygels dynamic and i DID enjoy seeing them in this ep, and i did enjoy bits of this ep BUT theresother aspects.... MY BRAIN is failingtonight so im struggling to put it into words. like a lot of this, like quite a few s2 eps, didnt quite work out for me...

i think courtroom episodes in scifi shows can be cool when theyre done right and cleverly, and really do explore themes of morality, but i cant really say that of this episode. i think chiana and rygel do make a good team but a lot of it is a bit weird and not in the fun goofy farscape weird but like just kinda like... pulled out your ass, weird? like the stick thing and stuff. i think they should have pushed some parts a lot more than they did, and focussed on the wrong bits elsewhere- but even then, i still dont know, bc...

i feel like this episode sort of lost its point in general bc im skimming through trivia on it and it looks like this script was kinda moved about a bit and that shows and thats a shame bc i think. like when this STARTED i assumed it would be a zhaan ep and i think that it really... should have been? like-

DONT GET ME WRONG like i said it was fun and i liked the rygel and chiana dynamic. i think: a) rygel and chiana are alone and have to work together without the team; b) rygel and chiana have to play lawyers and cant use their usual skillet... is a solid story BUT wlike i dont know like. i feel like if youre going to flashback like this and have zhaan introduce and conclude the episode it would have worked better as an exploration of her, and for it to be her narrative rather than that. and then i think that would work better if we focussed more on the injustices of the planet rather than, like, courtroom drama bc they also lost sight of those, too, ro at least they werent rlly developed fully either . i think those two themes would have been stronger to go into for this setup and rygel and chiana antics tabled for another time

anwyays its funny i said so much here bc it didnt feel like that much. i also totally blanked out on last ep too i feel like that... AGAIN. THERES SOMETHING WITH S2 WHERE ITS LIKE- i cant tell if the end of s1 just raised such a bar for me, but the mediocre reallyyyy feels mediocre . I DONT MEAN ITS LIKE BAD BAD and im for sure still excited and continuing with the show BUT YKNOW. i get it man all showshave a bit like this LOL

and again theres still good stuff in there. well i mean last ep. EH. I DONTKNOW. IT FELT LIKE IT DRAGGED FOR SO LONG AND I JUST DIDN CARE...HELP...SORRY. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS. but maybe thats just because im crazzy fucking out of it rn

#Egg.txt #farscape liveblog

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that-kid89 · 2 months

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03.26.2024

numb the pain. <- song of my day

but like a happy day for me? tbh definitely ended on more of high note, a spark of hope after being unemployed for a week now.

i feel like i could write 15 sentences at the same time right now.

madness, insanity, sickness, disturbed, panic.

ecstasy, highs, journeys, toys, wanderlust.

modest, numb, emotional, passive.

literally just writing random words that pop in my head. feels like gonzo clarity. check me if it's narcissism. too much pride.

daily average for screen time on my iphone is 3.5 hours for the 3 days this week.

read and skimmed all the back to my opener post. i initially felt bad, sad, and let down. reading my thoughts of love for heather, but more so my feelings towards my self. talking to myself in this blog, scolding him nearly. listing my needs and realizing where i sit that i made not one attempt at getting those things. were they really needs or just fantasies though.

kinda feelin like fuck all that shit. maybe its the beers and esteem boost from my first hearing back on one the applications i sent out in the last 7 days.

whats always wild to me, is how i can drift off into my dreams, when i'm awake. the rare night where i just daydream and not even sleep. its so crazy to me, and i dont recall talking about that seriously with someone. wish i did with heather. but also the stimulation i get from twist my hair into knots. sometimes it hurts so good. but i get mad when it's really knotted, and i gotta rip it apart, usually with hair being ripped out. insane.

talking about today now. woke up late, but earlier than i thought after falling asleep around 3am. tried not to drink but caved last night and had a few swigs of casamigos followed by a lovely beer. technically counts as today! well i suppose only the events beginning at 12:00am. fuck it, yeah so i woke up, and funny i keep checking my phone for all kinds of notifications. first thing i read was a message from christian on insta about the boat hitting the bridge in baltimore. this is recent to the mass shooting in russia, god damn dark news. still seeing a bunch of posts about necann. i'm glad i've been to events, but felt i had no place going this year. i don't think i've been when working in the industry, but definitely when i was younger. took a much needed shower today and trimmed up. then went to whole foods and petco. nearly bought the exact same things from each store, from i got yesterday. took the amg out though, and always get excited to drive that beast. let it warm up right, cold start was rowdy as always. deffs got some good pops and bangs. fuckin car is so quick too, and so exhilarating. however i did get this great beer as well called "termination". spent a lot of time looking at crafties to get, and ultimately chose this one although it being a triple ipa. 10% abv and damnnnn smooth. i'm on my second one tonight. sipping out the duvel big round chalice that i got from an xmas yankee swap one year. but anyway, getting a hit back on an application from only yesterday was an esteem boost. seems like a company tha could really use my help, and that they'll have a lot of work cut out for me. falling in love a bit quick as i do my homework on them. keeping in my mind that its only a teams meeting planned for next week but was still the first i've heard in a week. this last week has felt like freedom. but also emptiness. i do miss my last job, and still trying to get a good understanding of how it ended. but it feels a lot like the lat time heather and i broke up. i had reached my breaking points with them months ago, and never recovered. but they cite a recent mishandling of a heroin related customer incident at the store, which i can see how they perceive as mishandling, but damn it really felt good to get fired. i just walked out they of my term. instant relief, not much to finalize with them either. anyway

running out of steam with my writing. im glad i did. btw, song of the day came from nowhere. i somehow had the song stuck in the head, and i searched a rough idea of the lyrics with xxxtentacion and nailed it. i've had it on repeat all day since. had it on loop in the car, and had it on loop during this whole session. a classic way i've listened to my favorite x songs, a repetitive lyric design with just guitar chords or sample. feel like he's here with me, just sharing his emotions with me.

came to love his music after a distinct memory of mine, being when i shurgged off his death as i read him to be an abuser in his relationship. came to realize he had remorse in his actions, and was on a mission that i never would found out myself. this girl told me he was one of her favs, and that's when i got into him. his music still took time to grow on me, but ive now listened to most of his music, and i think all of his albums, all the way through, multiple times. 17, ?, skins, bad vibes forever, and some of his early stuff from mixtapes and singles. but yeah, quite a learning and growing experience. ending sentences on the 4 beat, or like a significant strum or beat, just feels so good.

rest in peace jahseh.

thank you for helping me open up my mind in so many ways.

here's to me, and the life i've lived and will continue to complete. excited to see where life takes me. for now, a nostalgic night of no responsibilities, weed and beer.

signing off.

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commanderquinn · 9 months

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Good Space Chapter 4: Ya Better Stop

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

—

master list / ao3 chapter link

—

warnings: james buchanan barnes being james buchanan barnes (derogatory) (i HATE him sm u dont even know), theres a lab scene but no bad brain talk i promise

song: sinatra has arrived babes!!! it is time for the golden oldies to begin their invasion 🥰

ava gets first pov this time!! probably a repeating thing, all i know rn is i needed it for narrative flow. remember how i warned you way back that i am in No Rush? this chapter is one of those. no flashbacks, only extra flirting and pining 🤌

ALSO if u are a walker fan (look im not judging. but im not agreeing) im really really sorry but im abt to bully the everloving fuck out of him. i cant stand him. i cant. every possible chance to dunk on him that i find, i will take 👾

—

She hasn't seen Bucky in six days.

Ava isn't counting.

But she hasn't seen him in six days.

He's been away on another mission. His first extended one since she took on his case. She was told ahead of time, so she wasn't waiting around for his morning drop-in. JARVIS let her know it would be ongoing and that the sergeant would be unavailable due to the stealth designation. SHIELD has to be the go-between if there's anything that needs to get passed, just like when Paige gets assigned to them.

His mission status is listed right there in his file. The medical reports from the column marked completed aren't blacked out like they were before. She had to ask JARVIS to reset the file she keeps for Tony when her new settings cleared the privacy wall he keeps. That's how far the copy of Bucky's access extends.

SHIELD gave him everything. All of their records on known organizations, detailed reports on all globally known assets like the Winter Soldier, internal investigations of SHIELD itself after the near collapse of the organization, all of it. A nauseating amount of the HYDRA portion centers around Zola, unsurprisingly. She would resurrect the monster in a second if it meant giving Bucky some time alone in a room with him.

After her first night of reading until the tears overwhelmed her, she went to Steve for a debrief of sorts. He confirmed he was the driving force behind SHIELD's full disclosure to Bucky. Natasha was the backup he needed to convince Fury.

Ava managed to talk the captain into coming to her office for lunch with Paige, mainly as an apology for getting in his face. He's assured her repeatedly in the days since that it's the exact kind of moral standing he was looking for with the case. He doesn't begrudge her anger; he understands it entirely.

For days now, Ava's been trying not to let her eyes skim the vitals being submitted intermittently from the sergeant's ongoing mission. It makes the worry she isn't feeling get worse. In hindsight, setting herself as his primary in the tower might not have been such a great idea. She's been trying not to think about it.

All she's thinking about at the tipping point into his seventh day gone is her favorite Tove Lo album.

She spins around her lab on enthusiastic feet, dramatically shouting the bittersweet lyrics of stranger with abandon. Her head bangs to the beat, switching to exaggerated flips during the instrumentals. There's seemingly no end of perks when it comes to mortgaging her soul to her billionaire friend and the government organization he works for. Having a state-of-the-art lab to dance around alone in at midnight is pretty high on the list.

She still hasn't hit her coffee crash of the day, thanks to numerous refills, so she's bouncing by the time the final breakdown of the song hits. Her hair goes wild, her arms thrown up as she jumps to the rhythm. She stops when the music does, giving herself a moment to catch her breath between songs. Her fist is raised high and ready to swing to the beat of bitches as the opening blares, echoing off glass walls that would rattle if they weren't bulletproof.

Ava is elated as she swings her hips and steadies her head to sing. She fucking loves this song. It makes her feel good. Bubbly. More than a little powerful. The lines flow out of her like water, the words familiar and comforting on her tongue.

"Know your own love, I don't fuck with no glove," she proudly shouts one of her favorite lines. Her foot slams down on the floor, and she pivots herself around with the momentum of her hips. "So why complicate it? Let me be— "

In one of the most mortifying moments of her life, Ava spots Sergeant Barnes in his not-uniform, standing in the wide open door of her lab. Shock hits her before common sense does, and her first reaction is to cover her mouth. Not attempt to stop the song. The one now loudly carrying into the—god fucking willing—deserted hallway behind him.

—your guide when you eat my pussy out, Tove Lo's voice continues without her accompaniment.

Bucky was already watching her with glee, but the words make his head come forward with a shocked laugh. He doesn't bother hiding it, or his smile, behind his hand. Not the way she is with her horrified expression.

Ava's hand folds with an awkward jerk of her fingers, her eyes still locked with his. "JARVIS! Pause, please!"

—had one or two, even a few. Yeah, more than you.

"Oh really?" Bucky questions loudly in response to the lyrics, his eyes widening even further. She can barely hear him over the music. The smile he's got aimed at her—

"My apologies, Dr. Ryder," JARVIS cuts in without lowering the volume, "but as per your rules, any ongoing music in the lab—" There's joy sitting in the AI's voice; she can hear it. Pure, sadistic joy.

"Now is the worst time for revenge," Ava tries to reason with JARVIS.

"—cannot be changed without a majority vote. Seeing as you are no longer the majority—"

"JAR!"

"—Sergeant Barnes is now entitled to vote on the matter. Do let me know if you find you require a tiebreaker."

Bucky raises a hand to his chest with nothing but mischief in his eyes. That fucking grin. It's the one she's only seen in photos on Steve's desk. The one powered by a thousand watts that charmed its way through all five boroughs before the draft. It's threatening to knock the breath out of her all over again. "Is it my birthday? Did I get put in cryo on the way back without someone telling me?"

"Bucky Barnes! If you don't cut the shit—" She points an angry finger at him that does nothing to dissuade him.

"These weren't in your playlists. What's this one called? Maybe I haven't gotten to it—"

Huffing with embarrassed indignance, she gives up trying to pull mercy from either of them. She turns on her heel and heads for her desk to shut off the song manually. In one of JARVIS' oh-so-funny jokes, the window minimizes on the first try. He lets her hit the pause button without interruption on the second attempt.

"I'm pretty sure I'd remember something like that," Bucky continues in the silence that follows, coming into the lab with confident strides. He's the most impossibly smug bastard. A goddamn terror, that's what he is. She should testify to help throw his ass in jail, but not because of anything to do with Nazis.

"I locked all the dirty ones before I gave you those playlists; sorry to disappoint," she sasses back to regain some ground. "I didn't want to be responsible for giving a dinosaur a heart attack. I'm not sure who'd come after me first, the paleontologists or the cardiologists."

Bucky leans against the other side of the desk she's definitely not hiding behind. With him closing in like this, her nose is picking up the lingering remnants of burned gunpowder. "Mmm. Well. I'm not feeling any pain in my—You know, come to think of it." He glances down at his mechanical shoulder, his eyes taking a bored journey down the shiny metallic arm. The fact that his gear leaves it exposed— "That's probably not going to be a good way to tell anymore."

Her music library might not kill him, but his dry humor is absolutely going to be the end of her. She has to bite her lip for a long moment to hold back a laugh.

She lets it back out of her teeth. Her cheeks feel like they're on fire. "I'm starting to think you super soldiers have an inclination for ambushing unsuspecting doctors at night."

"It breaks my heart to tell you, it really does, but you got set up for this. And it wasn't even by me. I know. I'm as surprised as you are." His eyes glance down at her outfit while she looks at him in exasperation, the movement fast and deliberate. Mildly tame. More than a few steps up from not taking her bait in the early days of their appointments. "Gotta say, though, I'm enjoying being the linchpin here."

"Set up by who? Steve?" Though the captain had looked appeased after getting to trade shy laughter with Paige, Ava wouldn't be surprised to hear it at all. Given how hard she's been teasing the poor guy lately, she had something like this coming.

"I believe set up is an exaggeration," JARVIS says far too innocently, making Ava's eyes widen in shock. It reignites Bucky's smile.

"JAR!" She lets the feeling of betrayal surface in her voice. "How could you?"

"I have done nothing."

"After all we've been through!"

"I merely informed Sergeant Barnes that you were in the building upon his return. He was the one to decide on an early visit."

"Careful," Bucky warns with a chuckle. "She can go check for herself how much suggestion was involved; she's got log permissions now."

"And I'll be using them," Ava threatens with another stern point of her finger, first at the sergeant, then at the security camera mounted on the ceiling. "Don't you two forget that while you're plotting your next attack."

"I haven't plotted anything. Scout's honor." He raises his flesh hand in oath, then frowns, momentarily looking off to the side. When his eyes come back to hers, there's not an ounce of shame in them. Only trouble. The hand stays up. "Alright. I haven't plotted anything with JARVIS."

Ava crosses her arms over her chest, entirely unimpressed now that the shock is wearing off. Her cheeks are taking their sweet time cooling down. "Did you come here for actual medical care, or are you just here to wreak havoc?"

"Definitely the latter. You could probably talk me into the former; you're pretty good at doing that. Might take some effort to convince me this time. I'm fresh from the field—"

"Shut up and get that gun locker you call an outfit out of my way, Barnes."

"That'll work." Bucky has the nerve to wink at her as he pushes up from her desk. It makes her hide behind her hand while she circles back around. She hears his jacket land on the thick glass while she grabs a medkit, reminding her of the accuracy of her teasing.

"What the hell do you keep in that thing? Chainmail?" He doesn't have to jump to sit on the desk the way she does. It makes Ava want to shove him off of it for a split second. The nerve of this man to be that big. In her lab.

"I can take you on a tour if you want. Don't expect anything too flashy. I keep all the good shit in my end of the world go-bag."

There's a new bullet wound to be found over his collarbone when he gets his shirt off. She'd been expecting it, thanks to the updates in his files. Seeing flesh already scarred over in less than three days is still jarring.

He didn't need to come in for that field injury the other week. She already knew that from a logical, medical standpoint. Looking at the proof with her own eyes feels different, though. It makes the heat threaten to return to her cheeks.

"And how often does that one get brought out?"

"Only a few times a month, don't worry. Things have been pretty calm for a while." For the first time, he turns his head to watch her fingers check the outer edge of his cybernetic shoulder. She's expecting to see unease sitting in his eyes when she looks up. All she finds is peaceful interest.

"You missed me," Ava softly accuses before she can stop herself. It makes her eyes rush back down to focus on her work.

"Of course I did." Damn him; there's no hesitation in his answer. "It's been a week without bagels and lollipops. You wanna guess how many jokes I came up with for that ballsack roaming around your house?"

"His name is Oreo, and you will use it with respect."

"Yes, ma'am. The utmost respect for Oreo the Ba—"

"Watch it." She's already made it to his back, so she only gets a side view of the smirk he gives her in response. "In any case, he spends more time roaming around Paige's apartment than my house."

"She stole your cat?"

"No," she giggles at the seriousness in his voice. "I stay at her place most days of the week. Her dad has an auto shop about fifteen minutes from here, and her apartment is right above it. I live pretty far outside of the city. Even with the way I drive, it's like an eight-hour round trip. That's why I try to leave early on Fridays."

"You only spend three nights a week in your own house?"

"I did say try. Sometimes—alright, most times, it's less than that. Lucky for me, Oreo doesn't mind hanging out with the grease monkeys while I poke at gray matter."

"I can drop you off."

Ava blinks, her hands pausing while scraping a pick along his shoulder blade. "I—what?" Her brows pull in, trying to figure out where he's going with this latest hard turn. "At the shop? Don't worry about it. I like night drives—"

"No, your house. I can cut that round-trip down to a fuckin' blink whenever you want. The cat can come, too."

"I'm sorry, does the serum give you a roadrunner setting I don't know about?"

"God, no. I prefer to take my t—" The first sign of hesitation surfaces in him as he pauses for a split second. It makes her look up at the back of his head, right at the bun his hair is in. "I was talking about a Quinjet."

He's flirting with her, she realizes. And it's not just a throwaway line this time. He's also trying to offer her the fastest carpool on the damn planet.

"Hang on—back up a step for a minute." She watches his shoulders go stiff, and she panics. He thinks he overstepped, her mind throws at her. Fix it. "I'm still trying to get over the fact that someone gave you a license for a car. Now you're telling me someone lets you behind the controls of a jet?"

The tension is gone from his posture before she even finishes bullying him. "They threaten to revoke the driver's license a lot. Steve and I tend to scare the shit out of people when we get on motorcycles. They only complain about how I fly when I bump Sam mid-air."

"You do not try to—"

"Oh, there's no try about it. I never miss my mark, doc. It really pisses him off." The overwhelming pride in his voice makes her laugh, despite the nerve-wracking image in her head.

Ava swats at his right shoulder, trying to avoid a bruise from the metal one. She learned that lesson the hard way. "You hit your friends with jets?"

"Just that one. It's a love tap. He barely even feels anything. He's got a big fancy Stark suit these days; he'll be fine."

"Where's your big fancy Stark suit? Is Tony withholding it until you let him take you to Vegas?"

Bucky snorts loudly. "He pulled that shit with you, too?"

"Mhmm. There's a veteran's center in West Virginia that has a state-of-the-art walk-in clinic because I let that idiot keep me locked in Caesar's Palace for three days. I've never been so hungover in my life." She's pretty sure it was Pepper's suggestion. An effort to get her out of the house when things first turned rocky with Alec.

"He still hasn't managed to rope me into it. That particular string wasn't tied to the suit offer."

"So what made you pass on a shiny new Stark toy?"

"Have you watched those rackety things in action?" Bucky's head shakes with mild disgust. "No thanks. I prefer being able to control when people hear me."

"No shit," Ava mumbles with poorly restrained annoyance.

He chuckles and straightens his head up without her having to ask. She's guessing he memorized her path to his neck on the very first cleaning appointment. "You're distracting; you know that? I can't remember the last time I let someone talk me off my point. Which I'm circling back to now. How far's your house in miles?"

The question catches her off guard enough to make her stop again. "You don't know my address?"

"I—shit, I was going to try to assure you I don't know anything about your house that you haven't told me. But that's not... entirely honest."

"I don't mind you knowing the things in my file," she reminds him gently. "I wouldn't have given it to Steve otherwise."

He shifts on the desk slightly. "I might... know some other stuff about it."

The guarded tone makes her snort. She recognizes it well, having lived through a divorce to a Colonel. Gossip moves the fastest in the barracks and the lunches of wives left behind. "Like maybe who I used to live in it with?"

"Like maybe that. And that you've been busy redecorating."

"Mmm, I don't know that you can classify it as redecorating. I did manage to win a few fights about furniture before the divorce. Some of the house was built to my taste. Now all of it is."

"I'm picturing—" Bucky stops again, and she hears a surprised chuckle. "I used to think your deflection didn't work on me."

"I'm not deflecting!" She giggles along with him, trying to focus on where she's got the top of his spine open to the world. "Maybe you're the one throwing off my train of thought. Have you considered that?"

"Here I was thinking it's because no one's taught you the imperial system, and you were too embarrassed—"

"You do understand that the rest of the world makes fun of you guys for using that, correct?"

"You guys, she says. Are you still clinging to your motherland's meters? That's embarrassing, Ryder. Where's your national pride?"

"Take the moose out of Canada, et cetera, et cetera." Ava swaps out for the hydrating wipes she started stocking because of him to clean up her work. The motion reminds her that it's been a while since her last tattoo. It brings out the itch for a new one. "By the way, after I'm done with this, I'm going to walk you back into my office and show you a list of—"

"Here it comes."

"—allll my outrageously expensive degrees."

"Now, how did I guess?"

"That way, the next time you feel like bullying me—"

"I'm certainly starting to enjoy it."

"—you can remember that I'm actually way smarter than you."

"I don't doubt that for a second, doll."

The—petname makes her smile wide enough to hurt. The way his voice dips as he says it lights her cheeks on fire. Again. "Good. There's hope for you yet."

"So I've been told." He says it so nonchalantly. Usually, she can anticipate the gallow's humor reflex. Usually.

"You break my heart sometimes; you know that?" She moves her fingers over his flesh shoulder in sympathy. The fact that he can't feel anything in the mechanical one makes her irate.

"Sounds like someone had fun reading." With her hands safely off his neck, Bucky turns his head to give her a sideways look. "How many new questions did it bring?"

The look she gives him in return is almost sheepish. "Steve answered most of them; you don't have to worry about it."

"Most." Bucky's eyebrow raises momentarily. "Lay 'em on me. That's why I gave you the clearance."

Ava's trying very hard to respect the choice. She leans forward, her free hand coming up to brace on his other shoulder. There's something contemptible about getting this far into the man's personal space, especially while he's shirtless in an exam. But the idea of not offering up the human contact while he's tearing open a wound that raw—especially while he's shirtless in an exam—makes her sick to her stomach.

Bucky doesn't seem to mind the proximity. Or the touch.

"Okay," she replies gently, trying to avoid putting any rejection in her tone. "I think we should wait until a reasonable hour, though. Next appointment?"

He looks down at his lap. "I think that's a great idea. You look like you need sleep. How about we talk about it when I come to pick you up from your house tomorrow morning?"

Ava stutters around a laugh, backing up from him once again. "I haven't agreed to anything; nice try."

"I didn't say you did. I'm pushing for an answer to a question you deflected; there's a difference."

"I did not defl—why am I trying to argue with a spy."

"I don't know. It'd be a lot easier if you—"

"You're not picking me up for work in a jet, you lunatic. I like driving."

"Is it because it gives you extra time to listen to Lady Wood?" The smug bastard has the nerve to pause, giving her a chance to think of a response to his ambush. She is, unsurprisingly, unsuccessful. "Which one do you like better, phase one or phase two?"

"You said you didn't recognize them!"

"I didn't." His hand comes up over his shoulder, showing her his phone. There's a webpage open detailing Tove Lo's entire discography—her writing credits included. "Google did."

"Someone gave you internet privileges?"

Bucky turns enough to look her in the eyes, unbearably pleased with himself. "It's so helpful."

Finally giving in to the urge to remove him from her desk, Ava shoves at his naked shoulders. Six-and-a-half feet of super serum doesn't move unless it wants to, so he doesn't exactly go anywhere with the force of it. But it does make him laugh and stand back up, so she counts it as a half-win.

"You gonna answer my new question? Or do I have to do the diploma tour first?"

"Who says you'd even get the answer then?" She crosses her arms over her chest and smirks up at him. "I've been through a divorce. You'll have to try a lot harder than that for me to fall for a loophole."

The six-and-a-half feet of super serum actually turns bashful on her. Bucky's eyes take on a bit of guilt, and his grin loses most of the mischief. "Sorry. Professional hazard. I did warn you I'm fresh from the field. It takes a day or two to reset the headspace."

"You're lucky I don't mind it," she offers to try to reassure him. His heart is the last in the world that she would doubt. "I missed you, too, you goddamn terror."

That thousand fucking watt smile hits her at full force. Seeing it on Bucky's face is almost worth giving him the crushing amount of ego it takes to power it. "Show me those degrees you earned so I can get back to hearing about your music."

Ava rolls her eyes, returning to the medkit to clear it from her desk. "I'll text you the list; how about that?"

"You don't have to send me the playlist links again; you can just unlock the dirty ones. I'll find them from there."

"I meant the—" She stops to ball up one of the wrappers from the hydrating wipes and throws it at him. He catches it mid-air before it hits his bare chest. "I meant the degrees, you degenerate."

He scoffs. "Big talk for a woman dancing to pussy eating mu—"

"Is there something else you need?"she stresses with a nervous burst of laughter. He's awful. Horrendous. She missed him so much that it's ridiculous.

On his end, Bucky doesn't miss a beat. "Yeah, my lollipop. You know, I bet I can guess which album you like better. I bet I can guess your favorite song from each one, too."

She points a finger at him without looking up from the medkit. "If you say disco tits, I'm making you sit through post-McCarthy retrospective documentaries just to decondition you."

"I'd be alright with that. But you'll still have to look me in the eye knowing it's in your top three." Even if she can't see him, she can hear him smile when her finger goes back down. "That's what I thought."

"Maybe I'm just out of things to throw at you."

"Blue Lips was the album you had on. Great name, by the way. Let's start with your favorite from that, which we've already established isn't disco tits. If you tell me that it's one of the sad ones, you're gonna break my heart."

"You don't have any favorite sad songs?" She's not... entirely deflecting. The comment just sparked her interest.

"Plenty. But now I know that's not the real answer."

"Jesus," Ava mutters with a huff of laughter. "Remind me to shut my mouth if you ever suspect me of a crime."

"I'm usually the guy people call to break out of prison. Might wanna keep that in mind if this whole doctor thing doesn't work out. That said, it's adorable that you keep trying to pin law-abiding qualities on me. You shouldn't mention the theory around the Avengers; they will laugh you out of the room."

Ava bites her lip again. She's out of tasks to stall with. He caught her as she was technically packing up for the night, and the medkit never takes much to put away. Turning to face him, she puts one hand on her hip and leans on the desk with the other. "Some people would classify it as a sad song."

Bucky folds his arms, his legs adjusting to widen his stance. He wasn't kidding about the sergeant mode. "Your favorite from the second album? What do you classify it as?"

She hesitates. Giving him the first word that comes to mind would give away the song too easily. "I... I don't know. I don't find longing sad, personally." He doesn't immediately reply. Most of the mirth has faded, and he's watching her intently. "What? You're telling me the moody spy disagrees with the sentiment?"

He blinks and takes a deep breath in, shaking his head slightly. She catches sight of a hard swallow that makes her nervous, but then he smirks at her. So, one of his introspective moments, then. "No, I agree with it. Do you want me to wait until you hand over my lollipop to give you the answer?"

"You have not guessed it already."

"You're right; I haven't. I've already figured it out. But we can pretend I didn't for a little while to make you feel better."

Ducking her head to hide a smile, Ava turns to walk into her office. She barely resists the urge to point another accusing finger at him. "You're lucky I think your ego is charming. Otherwise, I'd be tempted to withhold the gift I got you."

"You got me a gift?" The surprise in his voice softens his tone.

"I did, so you should stop bullying me long enough to receive it."

"Yes, ma'am. I'm on my best behavior for the rest of the night. What'd you get me?" He wasn't following behind at first, but he is now, and he's closing in on her fast.

"Well, you said you liked my puns, so—"

"Now that's an outright lie. I've told you they're terrible—"

"Which means you really like them. I wanted to give you one to have whenever you want, wherever you want." Ava stretches over her desk, not bothering to walk all the way around it. It takes some digging in her top drawer to find the little blue box she painted. When she turns back to look at him, his eyes are moving around the office. "Here. Use it in good health."

Bucky looks back and takes the box into his hand, a small smile coming up. It stretches across his entire lower face as he gets it open and spots what's nestled inside. "This is the worst one yet."

"Thank you," she replies proudly. "It's one of my favorites."

His cybernetic hand reaches into the box and clinks against the miniature rectangle when he picks it up. He turns it around to look at the back and snorts. "It's a pin."

"Like I said. You get to put it wherever you want, whenever you want."

"So, you won't fly with me, but you'll fly with me—"

The words pull a startled laugh from her. "Oh my god, did you just try to make a pun?" He doesn't respond, looking down at the pin to smile at it some more. She folds her arms around herself, less in defense and more in comfort. "I didn't say I wouldn't fly with you. I really do like driving. It's soothing."

Bucky nods slowly. He walks over to her desk, getting in close while he puts the box down. Turning the pin over in his hands, he pulls the backing off. He tosses the gigantic tactical vest onto the glass surface, then tucks his hand under the dark leather to line up the tiny, glossy pun.

Right there. On his not-uniform. Just off to one shoulder. Toward the metal arm.

It almost brings tears to her eyes to watch. Her throat tightens up, but she can't bring herself to break the silence by trying to clear it.

"You're going to have to get me replacements when it gets shot off," he jokes quietly. She's pretty sure it's a joke.

"That's fine." Her voice isn't all the way steady. But it's most of the way there. She might have gotten away with playing it off if he wasn't the world's most well-trained assassin. "I put everything on the card Tony gave me for work, anyways. I'm hoping the accountants don't notice. Nobody really hands me a paycheck around here, so."

Bucky tugs his skin-tight undershirt back on. It makes the dork look like he's about to put on a scuba suit. "Have you seen what he buys? I think you're in the clear on that one." He leans down and thumbs at the pin now secured to his vest, making that soft metallic clink rise up again over and over. It sounds like the rhythm of a heartbeat. "Thanks, doll."

—

"Why am I looking at the file of a grunt?"

"He's not a grunt."

"He's a level four."

"He's in charge of away teams; that's not a grunt. Plus, he's got like two medals of honor or something."

"Three. What's that supposed to prove anyways? Every Howlie there ever was had one—me included—and we were a buncha drunk dipshits who couldn't tell our ass from a campfire most nights. SHIELD pulled this kid from the military to run errands. What are we doing here, Steve?"

"I didn't ask you to be here. You showed up. And I am handling a problem before it starts." He sees Steve frown out of the corner of his eye. "Responsibly. With facts, not assumptions."

"What problem? Miserable leadership reviews? He'll filter out on his own—"

"That's the kind of attitude that let HYDRA tarnish Peggy's legacy."

The unwavering tone makes Bucky look up from the file on his tablet long enough to give his friend a sidelong glare. "You're so full of shit."

Steve turns to face him in his signature cranky captain stomp. "You wanna run that by me again, asshole?"

"That might be the reason you're sinking your teeth into him, but that's not why we're here. You wanna fess up now or wait for me to find it myself?"

Steve turns back to the one-way glass in front of them and shifts his weight irritably. His arms flex where they're crossed over his chest. A century-old geezer, and he's pouting. "There's nothing to find. I'm doing my job as a level eight."

Bucky's head falls back, and his eyes roll with exaggeration. "Oh my god, if you ever get held hostage, we are so completely fucked. Every state secret this country has is gonna be up for grabs—"

"Once again, I don't remember asking you to be here."

"No, you asked Nat, which was your first mistake. She's even more suspicious, but she's not going to tell either of us what she's figured out in the last twelve hours. Not until it suits her." He looks back down at his tablet pointedly, his voice heading towards mockery. "So, if you don't mind, I'd like to get caught up before the show starts. I hate being distracted during her warm-up swings."

"Yeah, well. I don't care what Nat knows."

Bucky's laugh starts as a chuckle, building higher until it echoes off the glass. "Oh, maaan. So, it's something she's already made fun of you for, and you're gritting your teeth through it. Was he a dick to that lady at the cafeteria? The one who always gives you an extra dessert without charging you?"

"No. I don't know what he does in his down—" Steve pauses, another frown of reconsideration coming up. "JARVIS, can you forward me—"

"Agent Romanoff has already requested I evaluate the security footage of Agent Walker's public interactions within the tower," the AI responds calmly. "She did not find anything of to be of worthy note."

"Hey there, JARVIS. Long time no—hear. Exactly how many grudges are you focused on tonight?" With his head down at this angle, Bucky can see his new pin reflecting the light from the other room in his peripherals. Right next to his shoulder that just got cleaned by his favorite hippie. God, he's in a good fucking mood at the moment.

"I do not hold grudges. I am merely doing my job as a level JARVIS."

Bucky snorts loudly. Steve looks up at the ceiling in exasperation.

"Your jokes are getting worse," the captain accuses. "It's Banner's fault, isn't it?"

"I believe it is the influence of the tower's other pacifist, Dr. Ryder. Her humor is rather snappy, as Sergeant Barnes can attest."

"Don't let her hear you call it humor," Bucky argues with all the sincerity he can muster. "The last thing that woman needs is justification for her verbal crimes."

"What's that thing on your vest, then?"

The sound of Natasha's voice makes Steve jump. Bucky catches his reaction just in time to stop it.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Steve swears under his breath.

"Language, Rogers," Bucky and Natasha hit him with simultaneously. He's hoping jumping on it with her will distract her from—

"That little strip of tin and enamel sure looks like enabling behavior to me."

Damn. It was a long shot to begin with.

"Ava put something on your vest?" Steve's head is getting in his space now, trying to look around to find what Bucky definitely isn't angling to hide.

"I put it there," Bucky corrects briskly. "To shame her."

"Where is it?"

"Fuck off." He shoves at his best friend's hands as they come for his shoulders, trying to stop the effort to rotate him. He's unsuccessful.

"What is that—is that a pin? Quit struggling, shithead; just let me see. What's it say—oh my god."

"Shut up."

"I can't see it real well. Read it to me," Natasha requests calmly. Bucky can hear her blowing on a cup of coffee while he continues to struggle with his best friend.

"Shut the fuck up—"

"It says I bee leaf in you," Steve answers, his voice going obnoxiously high. The asshole is smiling from ear to ear. There's even moisture starting to build in his eyes. "With a little cartoon bee! And a leaf!"

Bucky knew this was coming. He knew it was coming. He was just hoping it would be during the next mission, not here in the tower. Somewhere he could shoot at both of them to make them shut up without having to go to HR for an incident report. Getting Ava's worst pun yet is, apparently, the only good thing the universe is going to grant him this week.

Alright. That new round of painful tactical analysis when she was bent over her own desk trying to find it for him was pretty nice, too. So was watching her dance like that. She's—distractingly nimble. Not much can kill him these days, but the sight of her without a lab coat on keeps coming pretty damn close.

"Now, isn't that precious?" The savage joy in Natasha's voice makes Bucky want to throw his tablet at her.

"I'm shaming her. Making her look at her crimes."

"Don't you go to her office in fatigues?"

"Are you gonna switch it to those when you go see her?" Steve's voice is still too high. He's close enough for Bucky to swing at, so he does, with a solid hook to his shoulder.

"No. I picked it for my gear. I'm not going to move it."

"You picked the spot?"

"Have you cleaned your ears this month? I'm shaming her—"

"Bucky, that's so—"

"Shut up. "

"—sweet. I can't believe—bee leaf!" The dumbass pauses, stumbling over his own stupid laughter. "She got you a pun pin. Did she paint this?"

"I—" Bucky freezes. He didn't think to ask. She'd been pretty choked up after he picked a spot by his left arm. He wanted to give her room, especially after hounding her about taking her home. "I don't know. She painted the box it came in, though."

"Did you keep it?"

He crosses his arms defensively. "Of course I did. She painted it for me. I'm not fucking rude."

"Can I see it?"

"Absolutely fucking not." He shoves at Steve's shoulders, forcing him back. "What's he hiding, Nat?"

She snorts, still not having moved an inch from the back wall. "What, you think I've finished with you?"

"You tell me. What sounds more fun—"

"I feel like this pin thing is pretty serious," Steve tries to argue.

"Trying to pry another reaction out of me or batting Stevie around—"

"Nat, come on, this is a big change—you agree with me—"

"—while you wait for Wakeman—"

"Walker," Natasha corrects before going for another sip of coffee.

"Poster Boy to finish sweating," Bucky finally gets out.

She takes her time enjoying her drink while they both watch her anxiously. When her eyes open back up, she looks tired but pleased. "You should check his away missions."

"Aww, come on—you're about to go in there and leave me to deal with him alone," Steve complains like the giant baby he is.

"Maybe if you bee leaf in him, he won't ridicule you."

"Shut up," Bucky grumbles, already pulling up Agent Walkman's recent away missions. He'll start there, then branch out. His best friend is being a lot more defensive than usual, so it's something good.

"Actually, check his eval for me. I haven't decided how hot I'm going in. Give me your read."

Without hesitation, Bucky does as she asked, opening up the errand boy's medical records to skim the psych evaluation. He gets why Natasha's asking. Sitting in the headspace of someone who breaks people without laying a finger on them gets loud sometimes. It can get hard to remember where the line is. He's not going to deny her the request for a check-in. Not ever. Not with how often she does it for him.

He shrugs at the end of his check, finding nothing out of the ordinary. "He's never been confronted with failure in his life. I'm assuming that's the play?"

"Mhm."

"Hammer it."

"No reservations?"

Bucky snorts. "What's your reservation? You worried about making a West Point brat cry?"

"Nah. Only wanted a second read of the land." He hears Natasha's back crack in a couple of places as she pushes off the wall, proving she's been there for a while. Little shit probably snuck in behind him when he came in and waited. "Thanks. Have fun, boys."

Steve waits until she shuts the door behind her to offer up a bribe. "I'll drop the pin commentary if you close that file."

"You make this too easy."

"I'm serious. I won't say another word about it."

"Yeah, you'll just wind Sam up to do it for you. Is it because his team got paired with Coulson's? Don't make me read through whole logs to find this. It's just going to make it worse when I do."

"You're going to be disappointed when this turns out to be nothing. I'm just doing my job, Buck."

On the other side of the one-way glass, the door to the interview room Waldorf is already sitting in opens. Natasha walks in, her head down and her eyes skimming over the file she definitely had memorized before she got here. It makes the level four who's been waiting on someone for—Bucky's eyes flick over to the timer kept on the wall to document interviews—two hours and nineteen minutes sit up in his chair.

"Agent Romanoff," Wilbur greets her. Bold choice, trying to start them off on equal footing. "Good to finally—"

"Name?" Natasha immediately knocks his dick in the dirt with.

"Oof," Steve mutters, sounding far too pleased. It raises Bucky's suspicion level another notch.

"Ah—John Walker," he answers, his posture shifting as the professional stick goes rigid in his ass. How so very boring.

Bucky's hoping Natasha provides some fireworks here because otherwise, he wasted the trip. The effort had mainly been about harassing Steve for a few minutes after a long week without having the chance to. He could be up in his room right now, bullshitting himself that he's a good enough man to not beat off to the thought of the good doctor again. For the half-dozenth time. The words she was singing at the top of her lungs sure as shit aren't going to help his efforts to be a gentleman tonight. At all.

"Right." Natasha drops the tablet on the table, letting it impact heavily. She leans over it to type in a few details as if adding him to a list. "Tell me why I'm here, Walker."

The agent hesitates. Strike two. "I'm not sure, to be honest with you. I got the call; I went where I was told."

Of course he did, Bucky thinks bitterly. That's what they taught us.

"How long have you been sitting here?"

"Well—I can't give you exact timing without checking in with JARVIS." He pauses again, no doubt waiting for the AI to take the opportunity to assist. When nothing follows, Watson's face falls, and he tries for a quick recovery. He pulls a recruiter-pamphlet-smile directly from his ass. "I know it's somewhere around the two-hour mark. Sorry, I was catching up on some paperwork. I wasn't paying much attention to the clock—"

"Do you normally have to catch up on paperwork?" She's still typing away while she lays her first trap, still refusing to sit. Lining the guy up on her razor's edge.

"I would hope it's as often as my fellow agents. Knowing my tendency to put it off, it's probably not as—"

"You don't know their work ethic enough to say definitively?"

Steep jump from competency to teamwork. Then there's the silent implication that he fucked up the competency question by going for the casual humor of someone being offered a job. That's a heavy floodlight she's pointing at his ego. Bucky is more than willing to count this as fireworks now.

"If we're talking about people I work with regularly, I absolutely do. But, no, I can't say that I know how I compare to—"

"I didn't ask how you compare. I asked if you know your teammates well enough to do so."

Whitman is trying his damndest to keep that smile on his face. There's frustration building behind it, and Bucky can spot the expectation of a test in his eyes. "In that case. I can only tell you about the people I work with the most often. They tend to be better at submitting their paperwork on time, ma'am."

"Romanoff or Agent Romanoff." Natasha's never given a shit about what title people use for her; Bucky knows that. But she sure does love to use it as a tool. "Tell me about these incident reports I'm looking at."

Some of the color drains from the agent's face. "Sorry, what incident reports are we—"

"The ones right here, from your first, second, and fourth deployment." Natasha looks up, finally making eye contact. "Why the radio silence during the third? Boring post?"

"I…. Those are—Nothing of any kind of significance has ever been on my record—"

"I don't need an official military record. SHIELD keeps the field notes from your former superiors." In a move she had to have pre-planned given how flawlessly it's executed, Natasha unzips the jacket she walked in wearing. She shakes off the heavy leather, showing the civies she's got on under it. No uniform, giving the implication that this late-night interview is out of the blue. And a personal favor. "You made quite a few friends on that ladder."

"A few." The confidence in Walter is wavering. The expectation of this being a lateral kind of test isn't front and center in the man's expression. He's trying to find a rock in quicksand.

"Tell me about them."

Bucky tunes out, looking back down at the tablet in his hands. She'll be hunting for ammunition for a while. People the kid respects, positions he was passed up for, grudges—professional or otherwise—to pick at, et cetra. Most of it she'll already know on her end. All of it she'll use against him.

After a minute of droning from the errand boy, he catches sight of Steve's arms unfolding from his chest, his hands tucking into his pants pockets. "So. A late appointment, huh? Was that Ava's request?"

"Nice try, asshole," Bucky grumbles. "I've been gone a week. I told JARVIS to let her know she could call me in whenever. He let me know she was still in the building." Shrugging, he skips to the next mission in Winston's history. "I went so she knows I'm taking this seriously. She offered. I accepted."

"And then she gave you a bee."

"And then she gave me a bee."

"A very cute bee."

"Shut. Up."

"Okay." He sees Steve rock back and forth from the corner of his eye. It makes him skim the mission details faster. He's gotta find the lead before— "Is it because she's divorced?"

"What?" He looks over at Steve in genuine shock. "Why the hell would that matter?"

"Maybe because of who she used to be married to."

"You think I'm intimidated?" Bucky scoffs, insulted. He could rise to that level of expectation—if he wanted to. And there's not a shot in hell that this Alec prick is any kind of a threat.

"By the idea of going out with a civilian woman who just left a career soldier?" The way Steve phrases it makes him freeze in place. "Yeah, Buck, I think that'd be a little intimidating."

Bucky, somewhat slowly, looks back at his tablet. That—it hadn't occurred to him. That particular angle. About Ava and—other expectations she might have when it comes to him.

You'll have to try a lot harder than that for me to fall for a loophole.

Bucky has a lot of self-awareness; he knows how hard he is to deal with. He tried backing off whenever it felt as if he was going too far in her office. She had picked up the other end of the bait every time, and everything seemed good. The Totalitarian jokes she throws at him are only jokes; she wouldn't give him the time of day if they weren't.

But it's not hard to figure out that they're rooted somewhere deep. Somewhere real. She's big on boundaries. She's gravely serious about consent. Those aren't the kind of qualities people hold that high without motivation. Personal motivation.

Giving her full access was the right call. Bucky's wholeheartedly convinced of it on multiple fronts.

"It's not like that," he assures, keeping his voice serious. "There's no plan here. No intentions, either. She puts up with me. I'm trying not to make that a miserable experience for her."

"Sure."

"Fuck off."

"Don't you mean buzz off?" There's no hesitation in Bucky's movements as he swings the tablet off to the side to nail his best friend in the arm with. "Oww!"

"You had it coming. Stop laughing before the grunt hears you, stupid."

The chuckles coming from Steve taper off until it's just snickering. "I think it's sweet."

"So you've said." Bucky tries to work up the nerve for his next question. It takes a few minutes of watching Natasha play with her food. "How pissed was he?"

The silence that followed Steve's snickering gets broken by his snort. "Well, his head didn't actually explode, but, you know, pretty damn pissed."

"Sorry."

"You don't have to be."

"It took a lot for you to—"

"Yes. It did. It took more than even you know, and Nat's made sure you'll never find out exactly how much." Steve looks over and doesn't say anything. Not until Bucky has the nads to meet his gaze. "And the whole point of it was to put it in your hands. That comes with the expectation that you'll use it as you see fit. It's not your problem that Fury likes to selectively forget he agreed to that."

"That doesn't mean it should have to be yours. I'm the one that handed it off to a civilian without asking for—"

"You shouldn't have to ask. That was the whole point." Bucky looks away, but Steve doesn't relent. "We wouldn't have put in the effort if we weren't willing to back it up over time."

"I can sit in for a meeting this time."

"I'm not going to tell you no." Of course he won't. Steve never does. Not when it's something like this. "But I am going to remind you that the two of you have conflicting buttons. More importantly, you don't need to."

"I know. I want to. It's not about—This isn't a challenge for me." He pauses, trying to decide on a way to phrase it. "I'm not looking to win a fight. I want to explain."

"Alright. Spending a week in the doghouse without complaint probably won you some leniency." There's pride sitting in Steve's voice.

It almost makes Bucky avoid bringing up the other thing eating him alive. He could handle it himself behind the scenes. He could even tell Ava to keep it to herself when he eventually fills her in.

But honesty is a two-way street.

"I got a question I gotta ask you," he starts off gently. It's the worst way—Steve's going to pick up on something being wrong and get worried. But Bucky can't think of an alternative.

"Shoot." Yeah. Yeah, there's the nerves surfacing in his voice.

"When you taught her the code—" His best friend's posture stiffens in his peripherals. It makes him switch to treating this like a bandage to rip off. "What language did you teach it to her in?"

Steve's head turns at a speed that looks dizzying, even for their equilibrium. "That only matters if she says it in the right—you're kidding. What the hell—what were you two even talking about that—"

"It wasn't like that," Bucky stresses, hearing the suspicion creeping in. "We were talking about music. She was telling me she doesn't find it sad."

"Jesus," Steve whispers. He follows it up with about a dozen other curses under his breath. "I'm sorry, Buck, I—"

"I know. I'm not looking to blame you. It's happened with other people before; you know that. And it's not like I suspect her of anything. I just—"

"Yeah, no, checking makes complete sense. No one would fault you for that. Did you talk to her about it yet?"

"I'm not planning on talking to her about any of it at the moment."

"Bucky. You can't just—she has to know, she's made that clear—I should have told her from the start—"

"I'm not saying I'm keeping her in the dark forever. I'm saying I'm not telling her right now."

Steve goes quiet again, and Bucky can practically hear the cogs turning in his brain. "I can talk to her about it."

"No."

"It's not like she'd have an issue with pretending it didn't happen—"

"I don't want to pretend it didn't happen." The words come out a lot more forceful than he intended.

"Okay." Steve's not being condescending. There's no dismissal in his tone. He reached a boundary Bucky's made and didn't take offense to it.

A year ago, Bucky wouldn't have been able to handle so much as bringing something like this up. He would have internalized every last part of it. Three years ago, Steve would have questioned him on a hard line like this being drawn. And then gone and done everything without asking, leaving Bucky to feel like an infant.

Not even a few weeks ago, Bucky would have bitten the head off of a level four analyst just because he can't get any decent sleep.

"I felt human again for a minute," he admits quietly. He curls his head in like a fucking coward, using his hair as a heavy curtain to block the view of his best friend. "She said it, and I got to come back down from it, and she didn't know. I'll tell her. I just want to wait until she's had long enough to forget she said it."

He doesn't want to give up how good it felt to flirt with Ava. To feel that warmth and hear that soothing melody. To sit in it all for a minute and let himself live. To be a bastard chasing after a girl way out of his league the way he used to, even if he knows it won't ever go anywhere. To forget, for just a handful of minutes, that he was ever made into a monster.

A couple more weeks of bothering her in the mornings. That'll be enough time for her to forget what words she used tonight. Then he'll have Steve give her the code in every language she speaks.

"That sounds like a good plan." The words don't sound like bullshit with the way Steve's voice stays rock fucking solid in its support. "You wanna... maybe talk about what led to it—"

Bucky straightens his head back up with a long inhale, moving his hair out of the way once again. "I don't know, Steve. Do you want me to try to go to bed for the next three hours, or do you want me to keep reading mission logs?"

"...I hope you get some good rest."

"That's what I thought."

"I'll see you in the morning. We've got that weapons brief—"

"I know."

"—so don't forget—yeah, okay, yup. You already know."

Locking his tablet and heading for the door, Bucky rolls his eyes. "When she comes in for a refill, remind her to run the mom test."

"Will do. Goodnight, Buck."

"Goodnight."

He's almost tempted to check in with JARVIS about Ava. Then he remembers that he doesn't have to do that.

Stepping onto the only elevator leading to the Avengers floor, he pulls his phone from his back pocket and opens their texts. He smiles down at the last picture of Ava's dumbass cat that she graced him with before he got sent out on punishment. There's a miniature, painted straw hat sitting on his bald little head.

Did the moose make it across the road okay? he types out. It takes three tries to force himself to hit send.

Bucky slides his phone back into his pocket. This is the latest he's ever sent her a message. God willing, she's got her ringer off. There's no way she's not in bed by now; it's nearly 0200. If he finds out this woke her up, he'll feel awful. He didn't exactly say he was going to be checking up on her.

Now he's worried he shouldn't have. Back in the day, it would have been second nature to make a quick call once he got back to his own place. He can't tell if that's the polite thing to do in this case or if it's too—

Bucky's phone vibrates against his left ass cheek not even thirty seconds after he put it there. He's got it back in his hand, held up to his face, in less than two.

see! you love my puns. and i am not currently roadkill! bonus points, reads her reply text.

He grins down at his phone like a fucking idiot. When Natasha eventually finds the security footage, and she will, he's not even going to be mad about being bullied for it.

Before he can type a reply, she hits him with another. dont g-men have bedtimes?

Yes, ma'am. The government just doesn't have the budget to implement them, he sends back.

This texting thing is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, he gets to talk to her without having to work up the nerve to call her. On the other, he can't see how much that made her smile.

Not having the face-to-face usually doesn't bother Bucky. Then again, he usually doesn't text outside of work, so that's probably got something to do with it.

She sends back a laughing emoji rapid fire, then those three little dots dance for a minute while she goes back to typing. are you even allowed to make those kinds of jokes? doesnt SHIELD pay your phone bill?

Probably. I haven't bothered asking.

about the permission or the bill?

Both.

He gets another laughing emoji. go to bed, idiot. you looked like you were ready to fall over in my office. believe it or not, your brain needs this funny thing called SLEEP.

Sleep well, doll. Bucky's finger hovers over the send button, but he doesn't hit it.

He used the word in her office. It slipped out on accident the first time. The second time had been a check-in that she didn't seem to scorn. That might have been because she was choked up. Having to read it now makes the word feel heavier. Too heavy.

He hits the backspace to change it out for doc instead at the last minute. The send button is a lot easier to hit after that. He's banking on the fact that the choice didn't take long to make. Maybe, just maybe, she didn't notice.

you too, she signs off with.

Bucky doesn't move as the elevator doors open in front of him. He keeps his eyes locked on his phone. Focused right on the little heart emoji she put after the last word.

A slow, shy smile starts to creep up on him. He steps off the elevator, walking distractedly to his room to try to catch a REM cycle or two. It's still there on his face as he strips out of his gear, thinking about the doctor. It doesn't fade, even as he tosses his comforter, blanket, and lone pillow onto the floor.

He manages to be a gentleman that night. Mainly because he falls asleep listening to her playlist titled chill sketching before his hand can find any trouble.

—

u wanna know why the howlies couldnt tell their ass from a campfire most nights? its bc their asses fell INTO the campfire most nights. god i fucking love those idiots. i REALLY wanna do some howlies fics at some point (and i kinda want it to be a biker!au if im honest. i could undo the trauma SoA put me through by making comfort fics abt big biker man and his lil doc 🥺)

anyways there IS a reason i go so hard on discount cap, its not just bc he smells and i hate him. i have a hc for bucky’s opinion on dudes like him thatll get brought up at some point, youll see. it got pretty heavily hinted at in this chapter

also, other quick hc, if natasha romanoff were to be given the big boy serum and a lil sippy sip from the fountain of youth, the galaxy would be safe literally forever. we wouldnt need any more super heroes, everyone could retire. no one can convince me otherwise 😤

im (kind of) up and running on tumblr!! same handle, i reserved it when i got this act. ignore how bare bones the chapter posts are, ill make fancy formatting and graphics later. the initial wave was a panic back up when i realized im not saving these anywhere after posting and ao3 shut down for a few days lmao

i WILL put in a real effort to go track down blogs to follow and add other stuff at some point, pinky promise!! if you wanna find me for mutual fandom screaming, thats where ill be babes 💖🥰 im 98% sure i remembered to set up all the anon stuff properly for anyone thats Shy ❤️ you are more than welcome to submit requests 💞 ill make a pinned post abt it at some point

#chapter update

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