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goddess-aelin · 3 years

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Goddess-Clarke’s Bellarke Masterlist

It’s finally here!!!! It took me literal months to compile this HUGE list of Bellarke fics but I felt like this was a good time to get it out to you guys. I feel like with the influx of canon bellarke information, we’ve gotten both validation and heartache. So here are some of my favorite fics (196 of them to be exact). I tried to group them first by canonverse/modernverse. Then by main trope (marriage, babies, canon divergent, roomates, etc). I also then put the smaller tropes in parentheses so you guys can find something specific you’re looking for like angst, fluff, oneshots or multichapter, bed sharing, smut, etc. I also wanted to write in trigger warnings (TW) when I could, though tbh there aren’t very many because most of these are fluffy. I also put a small warning when Bellarke is in other major relationships at any point during the fic because tbh I hate not knowing that.

Canonverse

*Arranged Marriage/Marriage/Fake Dating/Grounder Bellamy

-Love Will Come Through by monroeslittle (Fluff, multichapter, Angst, Smut, adversaries to friends to lovers, arranged marriage, slow burn)

-In My Dreams We Are Always Together by andsowemeetagain (Angst, multichapter, arranged marriage, grounder Bellamy, Arker Clarke, SMUT, dramantic entrances, hurt/comfort, evil Finn, fluffy moments, King Bellamy and Queen Clarke)

-Bravery by citigirl13 (fluff, angst, multichapter, enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn, arranged marriage kinda? Clarke doesn’t know she’s married?, bellarke babies)

-And Now You’re Home by asroarke (Angst, Fluff, oneshot, strangers to friends to lovers, post praimfaya, grounder Bellamy, babies, hurt/comfort)

-Just As You Are Mine by @prosciuttoe (Fluffy Angst, oneshot, arranged marriage, grounder Bellamy, dancing, light smut, slightly injured Bellamy, jealous Clarke, power couple)

- Make it Through the Winter by Frea_O (fluff/angst, multichapter, Arranged marriage, skykru bellarke, dancing, grounders made them do it, hurt/comfort)

-And I Love This Place, The Enormous Sky by Chash (Fluff, Grounder Bellamy, Arranged Marriage, Fluffy Smut, Babies)

-All of the Love I See (Say You Feel It Too) by bella-my-clarke (Fluff, Fake Marriage, love confessions)

-Stars in the Water, Blood on Our Hands by @angelbellamy (Angst, multichapter Grounder Bellamy, Bed sharing, eventual marriage, babies)

-Must’ve Been Some Kind of Kiss by @carrieeve (Angst, Multichapter, Grounder Bellamy, arranged marriage, enemies to friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, sharing a bed)

-There Is No Fear by enoughtotemptme (Fluff, multichapter, Grounder Bellamy, Sky person Clarke, smut, gift giving, the one with the cloak)

-Facing Tempests of Dust by angelbellamy (Fluff, oneshot, werewolf Bellamy, Grounder Bellamy, human Clarke, bed sharing, smut)

- Two follow-ups Creatures of my Dreams part 1 and Part 2 (BABIES)

*Delinquents on the Beach/Places other than camp Jaha

-Love is Not a Whisper (Or a Weakness) by monroeslittle (fluff, oneshot, delinquents on a beach co-leaders, smut, babies, lots of babies)

-Coastal Waters by Saem (Fluff, oneshot, Smut, platonic cabin sharing, co-leaders, love realization, two pining idiots, delinquents on a beach)

-Settle Down With Me by arthurpendragonz (Fluff, oneshot, delinquents on a beach, platonic cabin sharing, co-leaders, hurt/comfort, injured Bellamy, massages, smut)

-Hot Springs by BlueWingedAngel (fluff, oneshot, Bellamy is a gentleman, platonic baths)

-It’ll Last Longer by theprincessandtheking (fluff, oneshot, flirting, platonic baths)

-Live a Little by ADbLOCK (fluff, oneshot, thirsty Clarke, post S3)

-But With You I’ve Learned Just to Let it Out (When I Used to be Afraid of the Words) by tryalittlejoytomorrow (Fluff, oneshot, friends to lovers, slow burn, delinquents on the beach, love confessions)

-Come Crashing Down by winterwaters (fluff, oneshot, 3+1, post s2, surrogate parents, hurt/comfort, injured Bellamy, beach setting)

-Not With Haste by winterwaters (fluff, oneshot, beach setting, confessions, mutual pining,hurt/comfort, dancing)

*Canon insert/AU*

-Thawing the Ice by Skeptical Believer (Fluff, oneshot, S1 AU, confessions, hurt/comfort)

- (You Will Always Be Holding) My Heart in Your Hands by @carrieeve (Fluff, oneshot, S1 AU, Drunk Clarke, Birthday Clarke)

- A Prayer by nadiaselite (fluff, oneshot, post S6 AU, Bellamy walks in on Clarke, light smut)

-A Mighty Fine Shindig by @talistheintrovert (Angst, multichapter, s6 AU, Clarke in a BALLGOWN, jealous Bellamy, protective Bellamy, smut in the RAIN)

-In the Darkness of My Night, In the Brightness of My Day by chash (Fluff, oneshot, post season 4 AU, Madi meets the gang)

-Mistletoe by Apocalyptica and dropshipheroes (Fluff, oneshot, little bit of angst, mistletoe, s2/3 era)

-Hold Me Closely by winterwaters (Fluff, oneshot, 3+1 fic, hurt/comfort)

-When the Sun Meets the Moon by enoughtotemptme (Fluff, Oneshot, post s2, pining, dancing, grounder festival, body paint)

-Dance With Me (find your own happiness) by orangecoconut (Fluff, Oneshot, post s2 era, drunk bellarke, dancing, unity day party)

-Faking It by winterwaters (fluff, oneshot, 3+1, fake kissing/dating)

-The Night (Trip) Before Christmas by @wellsjahasghost (Fluff, Oneshot, Post S2, Tiny bit of angst, dancing, roadtrips, pining)

-I’ve Got You Here by ms_scarlet (Angst, Oneshot, Post s3 AU, self-sacrificial Bellamy of course, Bed Sharing, Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions)

-The Rule For All Terrors by @kindclaws (Fluff, Oneshot, Post S2/3 AU, Proposal, Marriage)

-Going Courtin’ by Frea_O (Fluff, 4+1 fic, Oneshot, Post S2, Misunderstandings, Fake Dating, Hopelessly in love but they can’t admit it)

-Forget The World by winterwaters (fluff, oneshot, 3+1 fic, falling asleep on each other)

-This Fire You Ignited by winterwaters (Fluff, Oneshot, 3+1 fic, catching the other undressing, baths, hurt/comfort, injuries)

-Unity Day by bellamie-blake (Fluff, Oneshot, S1 AU, unity day, drunk Clarke, bed sharing, confessions)

-Someday by wittchingswriting (Fluff, Oneshot, Post S2, drunk delinquents, midnight swim, bed sharing)

-Surrounded By Idiots by enoughtotemptme (Angst, Oneshot, S1 AU, Injured Bellamy, Love confession)

-New Beginnings by larry_hystereks (Fluff, Angst, Oneshot, Post S1 AU, injured Bellamy, Beach trip)

-It Just Makes Sense by yellowteapots (Fluff, Oneshot, Post S2 AU, sharing a bed, confessions)

-One Criterion in Particular by tacosandflowers (Angst,Multichapter Post S4, the ark is their bunker, baby making, like lots of it, denial, confession, babies)

-The Lost Myth of True Love by selflessbellamy (Fluffy angst, Oneshot, post S4 AU, Clarke on the ring, smut, confessions)

-Your Voice Will Guide Me Home by harmonichearts (Angst, Fluff, Oneshot, Babies, Bellamy on the ring, Clarke on the ground, radio calls)

-I Feel We’re Close Enough (I Wanna Lock in Your Love) by prosciutto (Fluff, oneshot, S5 spec AU, Bellamy just likes Clarke’s short hair ok, reunions, confessions, 3+1 fic)

-The Harder the Rain, Honey, The Sweeter the Sun by fathomless (Fluff w/ a tiny bit of angst, Oneshot, Post S6, sharing a bed, slow burn, hurt/comfort, going for a swim, mild smut)

-The Bruise Won’t Heal (The Stain Stays Put) by @talistheintrovert (ANGST!!!!, oneshot, anti-spacekru, PTSD and overwhelmed Clarke, cathartic tbh, gabriel-clarke friendship, bed sharing)

-Like You Mean it (Like it’s Splitting you in Two) by talistheintrovert (FLUFF, oneshot, bedsharing, finally some relaxation, post s5)

-Come Get a Hold of Me by talistheintrovert (Fluff, oneshot, hurt/comfort, touch-starved Clarke, bed sharing)

-Narcissus by lilypottersghost (Angst, multichapter, S5 AU, hurt/comfort, pining, TW: suicide attempt, warning: b.cho)

-Clean Water by @important-metaphors (Angst/fluff, oneshot, Clarke came down as a child, Luna’s Rig setting, mild smut, hurt/comfort)

-The Price of Peace by @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky (Angst, Multichapter, S6 AU, hurt/comfort, fake dead Clarke, grief)

-Darling Just Hold My Hand by bellamysgriffinprincess (fluffy angst, oneshot, PDA, post s4)

-Not a Word by winterwaters (Fluff, oneshot, various seasons, loopy bellarke, hurt/comfort)

*Ark AU

-Bound By The Secrets We Share by troubledpancakes (Fluff, Angst, Multichapter, Arranged Marriage, smut, bellarke baby, ark to ground)

-Faithfully by winterwaters (Fluff, Multichapter, Married Bellarke, friends to lovers, meet cute, hurt/comfort, ark to ground, coworkers)

- In His Heart of Hearts by bilexualclarke (fluff, multichapter, smut, enemies to friends to lovers, coworkers)

-Turn You On, Turn You Up, Figure You Out by @ponyregrets (Fluff, oneshot, smut, ark relationship)

*Babies

- I’ll Surrender Up My Heart (And Swap it for Yours) by muchmorethanaprincess (Fluff, oneshot, coparenting, adopting a grounder baby, bed sharing, smut)

-Thrown in the deep End of the Parenting Pool by crystalkei (fluff, oneshot, coparenting, Octavias baby, bed sharing, smut, bellarke baby)

-Nina by cresswell (fluff, oneshot, coparenting, adopting a grounder baby)

-If I Should Fall Behind by Lila82 (Fluff, tiny bit of angst, multichapter, babies, established relationship)

-The End Where We Begin by katebishoop (Fluff, Angst, Oneshot, Adventuring on their own, babies, healing)

-The Little Piglet by bilexualclarke (Fluff, Oneshot, Babies)

-We Need a Little Sunshine by monkkeyslut (Fluff, Angst, Oneshot, Babies, established relationship)

-I’ve Been Homesick for You Since We Met by swishywillow (Fluff, oneshot, Bellarke + Linctavia Baby, pining, forgiveness, hot uncle Bellamy)

-And Now You’re Home by asroarke (Fluff/Angst, oneshot, Grounder Bellamy, babies, post praimfaya, strangers to lovers)

-Delivery Day by opheliaandthesun (Fluff, oneshot, pregnant Clarke, childbirth, Bellarke as parents)

*Smut

- Build Me a City (I Promise I’ll Annihilate It) by @indygoh (mild Smut,oneshot, platonic back massages lol)

- I Just Want You For My Own by merae2888 (Smut, oneshot, cabin in the woods, bed sharing, bath time)

-All That Was Good by winterwaters (Smut, oneshot, walking in on the other, post s2)

-Wash Over You Like the Sun by winterwaters (smut, post s2, arranged marriage, the grounders made them do it, love confession)

-Blank Canvases by winterwaters (Smut, oneshot, body paint)

Modernverse

*And They Were Roomates/Best Friends/Neighbors*

- Who’s Scruffy Looking? by @hiddenpolkadots (fluff, oneshot, the beard is a turn on)

-Seldom Make Passes by Chash (Fluff, oneshot, Clarke likes Bellamy in glasses, best friends to lovers)

-If You Wanna Reach Me by Chash (Fluff, oneshot, Best Friends to lovers, dreams about each other, dream journals)

-The Girl Next Door by funfanfin (Angst, oneshot, Fluff, neighbors, Singing Clarke, Grief, Hurt/Comfort)

-Kept Going, Kept Rolling with Nowhere to Go by @marauders-groupie (Angst, oneshot, travel companions, meet cute, writer Bellamy, running away and finding each other again)

-There’s a Nap for That by goldenheadfreckledheart (Fluff, oneshot, totally platonic naps, sharing a bed, best friends to lovers)

-Just My Soul Responding by Realynn8 (Fluff, oneshot, pining, sharing a bed, friends to lovers, summer vacation, Smut)

-I’m Swept Away and my Heart Ensnared by twilightstargzer (Fluff, oneshot, enemies to friends to lovers, vacation, smut, beach trip)

*Fake Dating*

-(You Might Find) You Get What You Need by Chash (Fluff, Oneshot, Fake dating, escort Bellamy, bellarke at a wedding, sharing a bed)

-I Hear You’re Somewhere in the Sand by Chash (Fluff, multichapter, fake dating on a cruise ship, escort Clarke, pining, sharing a bed, smut)

- Only Fools Rush In by mad_magic (Fluff, oneshot, pining, fake dating, fake married, cruise ships)

-Time Enough for Rocking When We’re Old by Chash (Fluff, oneshot, Fake marriage, bed sharing, 2 weddings)

-The Buddy System by Kacka (Fluff, oneshot, high school reunions, first dates, friends to lovers, past cl.xa)

*College AU*

-Coming Home to You by @nakey-cats-take-bathsss (Fluff, oneshot, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake Dating)

- She Does What the Night Does to the Day by twilightstargazer (Fluff, oneshot, Smut, Drunk Clarke, Parties, bad pickup lines)

-The Cosmic Ballet Goes On by Chash (Fluff, oneshot, Best friends to lovers, Eclipse watching, roadtrips)

- The Man Who’s Working Hard For You by Chash (Fluff, oneshot, Friends to lovers, the delinquents set Bellarke up)

-Bedgate by Kay_emm_gee (Fluff, oneshot, Drunk Bellamy, bed sharing)

-Vienna Waits for You by panem_et_circences (Angst, multichapter, Fluff, boxer Bellamy, artist Clarke, nude model Bellamy, fake dating, former Flarke, smut)

-Wrapped it Up and Sent it by prosciutto (Fluff, oneshot, enemies to friends to lovers, christmas gifts, delinquents in college)

*Sports AU*

-Who’d Have Believed You’d Come Along by Chash (Fluff, oneshot, aquaintances to friends to lovers, baseball player Bellamy, volunteer Clarke, the one with the nursing home)

-Ice by rabiscar (Angst, Multichapter, Fluff, Hockey Player Bellamy, Ice Skater Clarke, high school AU, enemies to friends to lovers, Filipino heritage mention)

-The Odds Are Good by tacosandflowers (Angst, Multichapter, Fluff, Professional Kayaking, enemies to friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, smut)

-----> The follow-up, New Expectations (Fluff, Babies, Secret Pregnancy)

-To My Favorite Scar (To All of the Stars) by @prosciuttoe (Angst, oneshot, enemies to friends to lovers, team captains, Foxhole Court AU w/ Exy as the sport, delinquents on a team)

-Miserable and Magical at the Same Time by @pawprinterfanfic (Fluff, oneshot, Rock Climber Bellamy, Finn’s an asshole like usual, meet cute)

*Coworkers AU*

-When You Think Happiness, I Hope You Think of Me by @nakey-cats-take-bathsss (Fluff, oneshot, Coworkers, Grew up together)

-Feel it in the Space Between by marauders_groupie (Angst, oneshot, enemies to friends to lovers, accidental kiss, dance partners)

-A Song to Keep Us Warm by kindclaws (Angst, Fluff, Oneshot, Dance Instructor Partners, enemies to friends to lovers)

-If You Won’t Look Down, I Won’t Look Back by MeghanAnna (ANGST, multichapter, enemies to friends to lovers, bar coworkers, temporary roomates, WARNING: Bellarke in other relationships)

-I Don’t Wanna Dance (If I’m Not Dancing With You) by danahscott (Angst, Fluff, oneshot, proposal, enemies to friends to lovers, dancer Bellarke, coworkers)

-Under (The) Covers by @hawthornewhisperer (Angst, Fluff, fake married, co-spies, smut, hurt/comfort, worried Bellamy)

*Farm AU*

-A Place Called Home by @the-most-beautiful-broom (Angst, Oneshot, Enemies to friends to lovers, Farmer Bellamy, Eventual Farmer Clarke, Mom Clarke, Dancing Bellarke)

-Without Giving Anything Away by Chash (Fluff, Oneshot, Farmer Bellamy, Mail Order Bride but not problematic, not one but TWO Bellarke Weddings!)

-Willing to Wait For It by Layalioness (Fluff, oneshot, friends to lovers, fake dating, farmer Bellamy, Veterinarian Clarke, high school reunions)

-The Land was Godless and Free by @hawthornewhisperer (Angst, Fluff, Multichapter, Farmer Clarke, Mama Clarke, Madi, slow burn, hurt/comfort, proposal, warning:past c/exa and b/ina)

-I Choose You by winterwaters (Fluff, oneshot, kind of arranged marriage, regency AU, sharing a bed, smut)

*Married and/or Babies*

-Regardless Of Warnings The Future Doesn’t Scare Me At All by Chash (fluff, multichapter, strangers to friends to lovers, roommates, pregnant Clarke but Finn’s the Dad and is a dirtbag, eventual marriage)

-She’ll Knock You Off Your Feet by AshesandDrums (Fluff, oneshot, featuring the delinquents, bachelor parties, married)

-Save the Last Dance (For Me) by @nakey-cats-take-bathsss (Fluff, oneshot, best friends to lovers, mom Clarke, kinda dad Bellamy?)

-Love You True by nakeycatstakebaths (Angst, Fluff, oneshot, unplanned pregnancy, soldier Bellamy, injured Bellamy)

-Spent a Dollar on this Ring by prosciutto (Fluff, oneshot, coworkers, friends with benefits, babies, love confessions)

*Coffeeshop/Diner/Small Town/Flower Shop/Vacation*

-Not an Average (Cup of) Joe by Kacka (fluff, oneshot, tea shop owner Bellamy, customer Clarke)

- Wrong Number by @bookwormforalways (Fluff, oneshot, Accidental Meeting)

-The Nature of My Game by Chash (Fluff, oneshot, Flower Shop AU Flirting via flowers)

-It’s Been Said Many Times, Many Ways by @hawthornewhisperer (Angst, multichapter, Smut, Small Town AU, big city Clarke, bookstore owner Bellamy, enemies to lovers)

-Of Coffee and Magic by @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky (Fluff, oneshot, tiny bit angsty, Witch Clarke, Coffee Shop Clarke)

-Just Cake by penguinofprose (fluff, oneshot, Baking show AU, enemies to friends to lovers, love confessions)

-The New Guy In Town by @bookwormforalways (Fluff, oneshot, meet cute, misunderstandings, flirting)

*Regency/Royalty AU*

-Traces of You by @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold (Angst, multichapter, Royalty, Adversaries to Lovers, Arranged Marriage, King Bellamy, Princess Clarke)

-Pride and Proposals by anniebibananie (Angst, fluff, oneshot, arranged marriage, loosely based on pride and prejudice, love confession, proposal)

-Intimacy by @useyourtelescope (Fluff, multichapter, Regency AU, Strangers to Lovers, Arranged Marriage, Eventual Wedding Night, Smut)

-Sequel to above: Dutiful (Smut, Fluff, Babies)

-A Change of Heart by @queenemori (Angst, oneshot, Regency AU, Enemies to friends to lovers, body swap, sanditon AU)

-I Was in the Middle Before I Knew I Had Begun by kacka (Angst, oneshot, fluff, Regency AU, arranged marriage, enemies to friends to lovers)

-A Million Little Times by prvncess (Fluff, oneshot, Royalty, Drama, Princess Clarke, Knight Bellamy, Smut, Sneaking around)

- It Had to Be You by @useyourtelescope (Fluff, multichapter, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, a kiss in the gardens)

-All of Your Children Start to Resent You by Chash (Fluff, oneshot, marriage, regency AU)

-When You’re Alone With Me by @useyourtelescope (Fluff, oneshot, regency AU, arranged marriage, soulmates, soulmate dream sex, mild smut, proposals)

-Tell My Heart to Lie by @hiddenpolkadots (Angst,Royalty, Misunderstandings, Arranged Marriage, Princess Clarke, Exes)

-Worth the Trouble and Worth the Pain by Chash (Fluff/Angst, oneshot, Royalty Clarke, knight Bellamy, kind of arranged marriage, mutual pining)

-I Know That Fortune Is Waiting to Be Kind by Chash (Fluff, oneshot, Royalty Bellarke, Arranged Marriage, partners in crime)

-Reason and Rationality by Penguinofprose (Fluff, oneshot, Regency AU, pen pals, love confessions, two pining idiots, marriage)

-When You’re Alone With Me by @useyourtelescope (Fluff, oneshot, semi-arranged marriage, soulmates, light smut)

*Holiday*

-It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas by @thelittlefanpire (Fluff, oneshot, Christmas, Babies, Married Bellarke)

-I��ll Be Home for Christmas (If Only in my Dreams) by @head-and-heart (Angst, Fluff, oneshot, Christmas AU, Based on Christmas Inheritance, enemies to friends to lovers, runaway Clarke)

-Wrapped It Up and Sent It by prosciutto (fluff, Oneshot, enemies to friends to lovers, college AU, christmas AU, Clarke gets the best gifts, librarian Bellamy)

-Light My Way, Lift My Head by marauders_groupie (Fluff, oneshot, flirting, Christmas, broken radiators= less clothing and more tension)

-Chance of Snow Increases by @kinetic-elaboration (Fluff, oneshot, Christmas, College AU)

-Gonna Find That Girl Underneath the Mistletoe by @carrieeve (Fluff, oneshot, Christmas, Roomates, Sharing a bed, Meeting the family)

- The Night Before Christmas by penguinofprose (Fluff, oneshot, Christmas, roommates, Smut)

-Would it Really Kill You if We Kissed by arysa13 (fluff, oneshot, new years eve, everyone wants to kiss Clarke, new years eve kiss)

- Hold My Hand (I’m Lost Without You) by @bookwormforalways (Fluff, oneshot, Halloween, Corn Maze, Best friends to lovers, confessions)

-Safe Harbor by elle_stone (Fluff, oneshot, a little bit of angst, halloween, friends to lovers, first kisses)

-Maybe Mother Told You True (and There’ll Always Be Somebody There For You) by @excuseyouclarke (Fluff, oneshot, Valentines Day, coffee shop Bellamy, Artist Clarke)

-Just the Way you Are by pawprinterfanfic (Fluff, oneshot, confessions, brief jealousy)

-February the Fourteenth by penguinofprose (Fluff, oneshot, valentines day AU, best friends to lovers, oblivious Clarke, pining Bellamy)

*Random/Fantasy*

- The Only Heaven I’ll Be Sent to (Is When I’m Alone With You) by excuseyouclarke (Fluff, oneshot, Greek Goddess Clarke, True Love)

-How to Save a Kingdom by @wellsjahasghost (angst, fluff, oneshot, Ancient Egypt, Arranged Marriage, enemies to friends to lovers, pining, soulmates, warning: Clarke gets married to someone else for a brief time)

-With a Mouthful of Thorns by @angelbellamy (Angst/fluff, Oneshot, Friends to Lovers, faerie Bellamy, werewolf Bellamy, human Clarke, sharing a bed, epic confessions)

-Oh Darling, Here’s Hoping by @angelbellamy (Angst/Fluff, Oneshot, werewolf Bellamy, Human Clarke, marriage, protective Bellamy)

-This is a Song about Somebody Else by @angelbellamy (Angst, multichapter, enemies to friends to lovers, post-apocalyptic, roadtrip au, hurt/comfort

-Hearts are Only Strangers After All by @useyourtelescope (Angst, multichapter, enemies to married to lovers?, regency AU but with magic, historian Bellamy, heist, married bellarke, mystery, miscommunications, mutual pining)

-Our Words are Not Yet Written by @she_who_the_river_could_not_hold (angst, oneshot, post apocalyptic AU, roadtrip, strangers to lovers)

-Don’t Look Back, You’re not Going that Way by andsowemeetagain (ANGST, multichapter, Viking Bellamy, enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to lovers to friends to lovers L M A O, soulmates, King Bellamy, Marriage, Babies)

-The Clockmaker (Fixer of Hearts) by MercuryM (Angsty Fluff, oneshot, soulmates)

*Smut*

-Sometimes I can’t Believe You’re Real by Venetum (Fluff, oneshot, Smut, College AU)

-Lost and Found by hawthornewhisperer (Smut, oneshot, deserted island, strangers to lovers)

-Calendar Girls by arysa13 (Smut, multichapter, Fluff I guess?)

-You Look Good In My Shirt by winterwaters (Smut, oneshot, Friends to lovers, strip basketball)

- Better to Give Than to Receive by Chash (Smut, oneshot, aka the one with the coupon book)

-In All the Land by Chash (Smut, Queen Clarke, PWP)

-Phone a Friend by Chash (Smut, oneshot, Threesomes, hopeless idiots in love, minor Gina/Roan involvement)

-Sun lights Up the Daytime by Chash (Smut, oneshot, pollen, pining idiots of course)

-This is a Good Place to Fall as Any by missmarissa (smut, oneshot, magic Clarke, walking in on the other)

-Challenge Accepted by insideimfeelindirty (smut, multichapter, with plot, coworkers, sexting)

-Sparks Fly by winterwaters (Smut, oneshot, bartender Bellamy, hooking up in the bar)

-Stumbling Upon Cosmos by flirtingwithtrackers (Smut, oneshot, masquerade party, semi-public sex, family bbq’s get awkward)

-Lights, Camera, Action from orphan_account (smut, oneshot, some plot, dating, barista Bellamy, camgirl Clarke)

-Tastes Sweet Like Sugar by lightyears (Smut, oneshot, walking in)

-Game On by winterwaters (Smut, oneshot, basketball+drinking games)

*Based on other books/movies/TV shows*

-I Found Peace In Your Violence by @eyessharpweaponshot (Angst, multichapter, Adversaries to Friends to Lovers, Protective Bellamy, Hurt/Comfort, Smut)

-His Moon, His Light in the Darkness by @andsowemeetagain (ANGST, ACOTAR AU, multichapter, fae Bellamy, Human Clarke, Magical powers, smut, evil Finn and Roan)

-Waltz Through my Bloodstream by @talistheintrovert (Angst, Fluff, Multichapter, Princess Diaries AU, Princess Clarke, enemies to friends to lovers, the BEST love confessions)

-Power Over Me by @sparklyfairymira (Angst w/ fluff thrown in, multichapter, Smut, Witcher AU)

-When the Wolves Come Home by @pawprinterfanfic (Angst, multichapter, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, WIP, Percy Jackson AU, Greek Gods, S/O to my girl pawprinter- you’re the best)

- Life As We Know It by @nakey-cats-take-bathsss (ANGST OOO BABY THE ANGST, multichapter, enemies to coparents to friends to lovers, eventual marriage, smut, babies, based on movie of the same title, warning: other relationships)

-Can’t Buy Me Love by @kay-emm-gee (Angst, oneshot, Enemies to Lovers, North and South AU, big love confession at a train station)

-Made Out Of Blood and Rust by Chash (Temeraire AU, multichapter, Dragons, Dragon Rider Clarke, Crewmate Bellamy, l.xa as a dragon? lol)

-Comfort and Joy by Chash (fluff, Harry Potter AU, oneshot, quidditch co-captains, oblivious Bellamy)

-Pro Bono by Chash (fluff, Harry Potter AU, oneshot, Slytherin Clarke, Gryffindor Bellamy, prefects, flirting via the points system)

-What’s a Little Quaffle Between Friends by @talistheintrovert (Angst, Fluff, Harry Potter AU, multichapter, healer Clarke, Quidditch player Bellamy, slow burn, hurt/comfort)

----> the follow-up, Finders Keepers (Smutty Harry Potter AU)

-Potions et Patroni by @chants-de-lune (Angst, oneshot, Harry Potter AU, slytherin Clarke, Gryffindor Bellamy, professors, soulmates)

-Oy With The Poodles Series by Kacka (features 3 Fics, Angst, Diner Owner Clarke, Gilmore Girls Setting, Small Towns, warning! Clarke dates Finn for a brief time)

-Take My Hand by winterwaters (Angst, So You Think You Can Dance AU, oneshot, enemies to friends to lovers, dance partners, smut)

-Passing of the Skye Boat by @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky (Angst, Fluff, Multichapter, Outlander AU but make it futuristic, arranged marriage, sharing a bed, hurt/comfort, babies, separations but happy ending)

-The Fire Is Coming by adelicatepeach (Angst, oneshot, Pacific Rim AU, enemies to friends to lovers, co-pilot Bellarke, hurt/comfort)

-Sleight of Hand by prosciutto (Angst, multichapter, Six of Crows AU, Enemies to friends to lovers, smut, heist AU)

-Who We Have to Be by xtimexturnerx (angst, Divergent AU, multichapter, WIP)

#bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #bellarke fic #bellarke fanfic #bellarke smut #the 100 fanfiction #fic recs #my post

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lightwithinthedarknessu · 3 years

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A Crown to Adorn

Starting off #sokaiweek2021 with a fluffy one-shot!

Wrote a little fluffy one-shot for Day 1 of @sokaiweek Prompt: King and Queen. Childhood memories for #sokai and a cute flower date! A time of healing and reminiscence, adorned with flowers fit for a King and Queen.

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32511775

Fanfiction. net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13918369/1/A-Crown-to-Adorn

A Crown to Adorn

*.*.*.*

“Wear a crown of flowers on your head, let its roots reach your heart.” – Kabir

*.*.*.*

The smell of the grass, the warmth of the sun on their faces, and the slight scent of honeysuckle wafting through the canopy above was the perfect complement to an otherwise ordinary day. Ordinary, that word seemed to slip into her mind with a lithe bump, nestling into her heart but leaving behind a tinge of anxiety. Was it good to cherish something even if you knew it wouldn’t last? Those words danced within her mind as warm rays of light kissed her cheeks.

Living in the moment. Cherishing those small moments of reprieve-sometimes Kairi had to keep reminding herself to do that. Whether it be taking in deep breaths of the salty air or cherishing the soft sensation of sand squished between her toes- those small insignificant moments she needed to hold close. The way the wind hit her face as Sora and Riku rushed past her in one of their many races or the sensation of cold droplets hitting her face during one of their many water fights. Those moments, they would rush back at her all at once during those times she was alone, listless, and longing for their company.

Somehow, Kairi knew that today would be one of those many moments she held close to her heart. She took in a deep breath, savoring the crisp air hitting her lungs.

The Kingdom of Corona was as beautiful as Sora had claimed it would be. Filled with flora and fauna, clean air, and warm bathes in sunshine. Even the few heartless around were, she had to admit, cute in their own way. Made her almost sad to pummel them, but once she found herself attacking in unison alongside Sora- every thought she had just melted away. He always seemed to do that, make her feel as if she could do anything, be anything. It sounded silly but- his light made hers stronger somehow. It radiated within her a warmth that felt so comforting she never wanted it to leave.

After clearing the area, they had decided to take a quick swim in the spring nearby and were now sunning themselves like a couple of lizards on the forest floor. They had taken off their shoes and fully let themselves relax for what felt like an eternity. Peaceful, it was so peaceful that Kairi felt she could fall into a sleep here without a care in the world.

“I’m glad you brought me here. It’s so pretty.” Kairi turned to Sora, her eyes welling with shimmering light. After hours of training, Sora had dropped by unannounced, unattended by the other two little half-pints, to whisk her away for a “well-deserved break” as he put it. At the time he had a shy grin on his face, letting her know that really, he had just wanted to see her. Not that she minded. She wanted to see him too.

“I had to! I mean you love flowers and well the beach back home isn’t as green as this. Heck, I hadn’t even seen some of the plants here before. It’s really something- all those worlds we wanted to see- just there’s always something new.” Sora blurted out, his excitement burgeoning behind an uncontrollable grin. He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned forward. “Sorry, I’m getting a bit too excited. I’ve been wanting to show you all these new things for so long. Every time I see something I think, “Kairi and Riku need to see this!”

Kairi giggled. Sora did seem to be holding in boundless energy every time she saw him. “I want to see it all with you. I mean, we always wanted to travel and learn everything we could. Even just seeing this world makes me want to go to all kinds of places with you- and Riku too…” Kairi tucked a stray piece of hair from her face. She felt almost embarrassed to say anything more- to tell him that really, she wanted to just run away with him right now. Leave it all behind. But that would be selfish, wouldn’t it? They had to face Xehanort. Even if that meant risking their lives. Still, that incredible wanderlust creaked within her bones. Even now her heart began to beat faster at the thought of Sora whisking her away to world after world. She could just picture it-brisk walks on stardust touched beaches, huddling close in frigid snow-kissed air, or dancing on the tips of their toes across warm cobblestones-

Everything. Just experience it all-together- hand in hand in a world all their own.

Kairi felt something lightly fall on her head. A light gasp escaped her lips at the sensation. It tickled her eyelashes as she looked up to greet Sora’s impish grin. Her hand reached up to touch the delicate petals of a ring of flowers he had placed on her head. Her eyes widened. “When did you…”

“Oh just while you were humming to yourself earlier. Did I do a good job? I mean I’m not as good at connecting them together as you…but I did have a good teacher.” Sora winked.

Tears pricked the edges of her eyes. When they were children, Kairi often spent her time near the shore picking small wildflowers and clover. One of the few things she remembered about her grandmother was her love of flowers and the way she used to weave together flower crowns. It used to make her feel like she was almost home again, weaving the flowers together, creating something from nothing. It was cathartic. For hours she would lose herself in the action- maybe that was why piecing shells together also soon became second nature. Once, Sora sat down next to her, and watched intently as she connected each stem of clover flower without asking any questions. When she was done, he told her how pretty it was and how “he wanted one too.”

For a few days after school, they would go down to the shore, make flower crowns, and pretend they were a King and Queen of the flower people. Well, the last part was entirely Sora’s idea. When she thought back on it- Kairi wondered if Sora did that to help her feel better about being homesick. She had missed her grandmother so badly back then. Every day she felt so alone. But then…Sora was there. And Riku…and the three of them found new things to do together.

Back then, Kairi hadn’t paid a second thought to the idea that most boys wouldn’t find what she was doing that interesting. Thinking about it now, Sora probably only said he wanted one too so she wouldn’t feel lonely- after all…she wasn’t the fastest runner or could hold her own at the time in a mock sword fight. What she was good at was making things, connecting flowers, shells, and bits of shattered sea glass into stars shapes or crowns. Her room back home was filled with makeshift stars, unfinished and marred imitations of the charm Sora now held close as an oath to her. Her childish fantasies of an unbreakable connection, made real and whole through a brush of their fingers as she passed the charm to him. Her fingertips warmed as she recalled his touch.

Now, with the newly coronated flower crown atop her reddened locks-Kairi felt that same bubbling joy well up inside her.

Kairi couldn’t believe Sora had still remembered that time or well had even retained his “flower-tying skills” as he used to call it. Sora had remembered a time that even she had pushed back deep into the depths of her heart. “I think that you retained some skill.” Kairi puffed out her chest. “But I think I’m still the master. So, I’m going to work my magic! It’s only fair that you have one to match.”

Sora chuckled and placed both hands behind his head. “Well, I guess we’re off flower picking then huh?” His hips swayed from side to side, his legs acting listless as if they hadn’t moved in hours.

Kairi bounced up on her heels, feeling a renewed vigor in her veins. “Yep! Lead the way, King!”

“King?” Sora’s jaw slacked. “Gosh, when you say it like that it only reminds me of “the King.”

Kairi lightly patted Sora on the shoulder. “Now, now.” Kairi chided. “There can be more than one King and Kings of different things. He may be “the King” but you- you’re my Flower King right?” An impish grin filled her cheeks. Sora blinked a few times before averting his eyes. She could swear a tinge of red was on the tips of his ears.

“Geez flower King? Don’t tell Riku, or Donald or Goofy- I’ll never live that down.”

“But I’m the flower Queen- we have to match!” Kairi pointed an accusatory finger at him. Sora jumped back a beat, his deep blue eyes tinged with uncertainty. Soon, his eyes swirled with glimmering sunshine, his smile so subtle she found herself itching to gently brush her fingers across his lips. Her cheeks heated at the thought.

“Okay, I mean if you are I have to be then.” Sora put a hand over his mouth to muffle a laugh. Though clearly uncomfortable, there was a hint of joy in those words. Poking fun at him like this was almost too nostalgic. With ease, she slid her hand into his and gave it a tight squeeze. He recoiled slightly before sheepishly squeezing her hand back. His eyes wouldn’t meet hers, but she knew- he was just a tad shy still.

Hand in hand they traversed the woods searching for violet, azure, and fuchsia hues. Their still bare feet brushing against rough patches of dirt and slick grass, staining their toes a light green as they went. The morning dew, still kissing the tips of their hair, kept them cool against the ever-rising sun. Every flower they came across seemed more beautiful than the rest- they gathered until they were spilling out onto the ground beneath them. Sora sneezed a few times, sending them flying much more than he would have liked. The air filled with laughter as they collected them all again, each time regretting having over-prepared their bounty.

They returned to the clearing in no time at all-and she set about her work. Connecting the flowers together wasn’t hard- but choosing which flowers suited Sora best- well that took some thinking. Baby’s breath, delicate and kind, hydrangeas as blue and calming as the sea, red carnations brandishing the passionate courage in his heart, and yellow calla lilies to represent his happy disposition. When she was done- it was a crown only befitting him. When she held it up against the light, the shadows cast across her face danced- truly she could think of it as her best work yet. Smirking and a bit too proud, Kairi stood up and delicately laid the crown atop her “King’s” head.

“I, Flower Queen Kairi dub thee- Sora- Flower King.” In a grand bow, Kairi placed a hand over her heart, glancing up at him with mischief and mirth.

Sora’s wide toothy grin greeted her. “It’s an honor!” He paused, searching his mind before snapping his fingers in the realization of something important. “Does it look Kingly?”

“I think it suits you, just as mine suits me.” Kairi spun on her heels, dancing as she delicately brushed the petals she adorned. She gave Sora a taunting wink as she thrust out her hand. “I’d say a dance is in order, sire.”

A deep laugh escaped his chest as Sora jumped up to grab her hand and pull her close. Their eyes connected as if a thread between them became taught, sure, and certain that the entire world around them could just melt away into nothing, and it would all be alright. One step, then two, a sway and a swish, he even threw in a twirl or two as they danced to the bubbling brook and twilling birds. The melody in their hearts flowed and swirled at a tempo that pulled her into a sense of weightlessness. The countless times she dreamed of the two of them, blissfully dancing, suddenly made it real.

It was real, him, her, this moment. It was a sensation, a scent, a feeling she wanted to bottle up and keep close- like an herbarium filled with preserved flowers. Bright, opulent, and ever so warm. As their dance slowed, and her heart settled, Kairi leaned her head on Sora’s shoulder, letting herself melt into his rising chest. It was then Kairi knew that home wasn’t ever far anymore. That homesickness had long flitted away like petals in the wind once she let Sora into her heart. Now, every time she thought of their memories, these moments, the rise and fall of his chest, his heartbeat…Kairi knew somehow she was always closer to home.

Years Before

*.*.*.*

The bluff at the edge of town was filled with clover flowers. Though she had been warned with a stern shake of the mayor’s finger, and a disapproving huff or two from the town elders, Kairi always found herself foraging for flowers here. The wind blowing through her hair, and the misty salt air gently caressing her chubby cheeks made her feel more at home here than anywhere else on the island. In the afternoon quiet, only the rumbling low roar of the waves had been keeping her company. Lightly and carefully, she hummed a melody as she worked, losing herself in knot after knot.

*.*.*.*

“What do you think she’s doing?” Sora muttered in a hushed tone, trying to keep his usually loud voice as quiet as possible. He was huddled on his haunches behind a large hedge, practically wiggling to keep himself from falling over. He and Riku had followed Kairi from a distance like two ducks up the winding hillside. When they had seen her leaving the Mayor’s house she had been stomping and letting out a long-winded sigh or two. Riku had said that she was “probably angry” and that it mostly had to do with her going off alone. Sora, being extremely curious about Kairi ever since she had arrived on the beach, had never not kept watch over her. So, Riku being Riku had suggested they follow her, knowing well that Sora would have found himself trailing after her absentmindedly.

Riku let out a sigh and shook his head. “She’s going to make something again. The last time she came back down from here she had a crown of flowers in her hands. That’s probably what she plans on doing.”

“Hmm, that seems more lonely than fun. She’s all by herself.” Sora pursed his lips, his nose scrunching up. He crossed his arms and readjusted his drooping bum with a light hop. “Seems like it’d be better to do with more people.”

Riku raised a brow, then smirked as he realized something important. “You know, if you want to join her nothing’s stopping you. We can go back to the play island any old time.”

“But it feels like if I go over now, I’d be like- I don’t know- I’d um make her mad…”

“Mad?”

“You always say I talk too much. Kairi seems a bit scared when I do that.” Sora looked down at his fidgeting toes. “Still, I think she’s lonely.”

“She just doesn’t know much about us yet. And well you do talk a lot. My dad says sometimes though that just being near someone without saying anything is enough.” Riku crossed his arms, and nodded, certain his father’s words were true.

“Really Riku?”

“Yeah, Really.” Riku put a hand on Sora’s head and gave his hair a quick ruffle. “Now, no more waiting!” Riku placed both hands on Sora’s back and pushed him forward- not even worried if he would fall over on his face. Usually, he did, and Sora had to brace himself for a fall that didn’t come. Instead, he found himself balancing on one foot and staring into the wide cerulean eyes of a frightened girl.

*.*.*.*

When a rustling bounded behind her Kairi gasped and found herself on her feet, her hands clutched close to her chest. A familiar head of spikes was what first caught her eyes, then the twigs and leaves sticking out every-which-way, followed by the shy grin of a boy caught doing something he shouldn’t.

“Geez, Sora! You scared me!” Kairi tucked her hair behind her ear as if she were suddenly aware of her own messy mop.

“Sorry, Kairi! Me and Riku were just…” Sora paused to look behind him. Not a soul was in sight. “Aw man, where’d he go? We were just talking about…ugh never mind.” Sora stood up straight and puffed out his chest as he shook the stray twigs and leaves from his head. Once he was done, he placed both hands behind his head. “So…what-cha doing?”

“Making flower crowns…” Kairi mumbled under her breath, feeling herself carefully enunciate each word. Sora was nice, after all, he was the one who found her on the beach that day. But a part of her felt scared, nervous, and a bit rumbly in her tummy when she talked to him. He was always so bright, and his grin was wider than his face. Kairi didn’t know how to be around him. Kairi turned her back to him and smoothed the ends of her dress.

“Okay.” Sora uttered. He continued to stare at her, unmoved until she decided to sit back down among her work. As she picked more flowers, she began to take more glances over at Sora. He watched her intently, swaying from side to side on the edges of his sandals. He stayed that way for a beat then promptly plopped down next to her. Kairi’s breath hitched in her throat at the sudden invasion in her little bubble. But Sora didn’t say anything, although his face was twisted into an unnatural frown, alerting her he really did want to say something.

Kairi tried her best to get back to her crown, but she fumbled with shaky fingers as she tied the tiny stems together. Her lips moved into a fine line, her teeth biting down into the corners of her cheeks. Again, soon she became lost in the motions, not even noticing Sora get up and go look around. Moments later he dropped back down next to her, this time, with a handful of clovers.

“It’s really pretty.” Sora blurted out. His eyes were wide, expectant.

A shivering jolt went through her back, and Kairi shyly looked back down at her completed crown. He said it was pretty, what she made. A slight hint of pride wafted through her chest. “Thanks…”

“I-I want one too!” Sora’s voice was louder than he intended, for Kairi almost fell back at the sudden noise. She made sure to quickly put on a smile for the boy looked almost as if he would cry if he knew she was scared.

“Okay, I’ll teach you.” Kairi found a new strength in her voice. She was more confident now. A voice inside her heart, but from where she didn’t know, whispered caressing words.

Whenever you feel lonely, look to the flowers. Surround yourself with them, let them take root in your heart. Every moment may seem small, but you can make them bigger and more beautiful. For those moments when you’re alone, the flowers will remind you of me and of those who love you. That light in your heart will continue to bloom and grow, as long as you let it. Adorn your head with a crown of flowers, my dear. Adorn the head of the one you love. Find that light, never lose sight of it.

Notes:

Thank you for reading! This fic was inspired by the prompt King and Queen for SoKai Week 2021. Visiting Sora and Kairi's childhood and what they meant to each other during that time was pure joy. I hope that this little bundle of fluff reminds you of the wonder of picking flowers as a child, and how even the smallest acts of kindness can mean the world to someone else. I tried to add in some of Sora's flowers from his herbarium by super groupies as well as flowers that spoke to his personality. Fun fact: Clover flowers were something that I would gather when I was a child, and luckily they do grow at least in Hawaii at high elevations, so it's possible they could be on the mainland in Destiny Islands!

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#sokaiweek2021 #sokaiweek #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts fanfiction #sokai #sora and kairi #kairi #sora #kingdomheartsfanfiction #KH #kingdomhearts

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kirstinmaldonado · 4 years

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Chapter Four 2.0

Is it just me or are the alarming numbers of posts about weight gain or weight loss in this time freaking everyone out? I know I’m not innocent; I’ve definitely joked about my personal quarantine-15 as well, blindingly attempting to hide my own insecurities with it through humor.

But if I see another “Carbie” or changed photo online insinuating weight gain, I might cry.

It’s hard enough trying to “make the most” of your time, even if you’re riddled with it. If you read my last post, you’d think by now I’d be the fit, Spanish-speaking, piano-playing, singer-songwriter that Week 1 Kwarantine Kirstie dreamed of. As we know, I’ve “fallen off.”

But have I? Is this really the age we’re in? Where in a global pandemic we still feel the urge to get a thousand things done in the mere 24 hours we get a day?

That societal pressures are so prominent that we all joke together about how much weight we’ll gain? And where posts scream at you with side by side pictures of extreme weight loss, expecting you to not only have your life together but lose weight with all this “extra time?”

I digress. I can’t do it all and keep my mental health in check.

People are either finding new or returning to hobbies to distract themselves from what is going on right now, and that’s great. If yours is that home workout, I applaud you!! Keep at it! It’s so good for your mental and physical health, I know I need to be more on top of it!

If it’s reading a little, spring cleaning, whatever it is that you are able to accomplish, I am proud of you! If you’ve been able to dig in and uncover a goal you’d not been able to achieve before, don’t let this or anything hold you back! I hope to get to that mindset and I feel I am on my way!

But in the meantime, I’ve been baking, and since there’s only two people in the house it’s, y’know, not ideal for the waistline.

But here’s my deal. I’m coping. When I went to the grocery store a few weeks ago and saw empty shelves, I cried and went to the baking aisle to get decorations and proper ingredients for the baking I was planning on doing. My hands have been stained with food color more often than not within just this last week, as I baked for friends’ birthdays in quarantine and for Easter.

And that’s okay! I am adapting.

You know why I stopped baking so much in the first place? I ran out of time. When I’d be home from tour I wanted to relax more than work all night in the kitchen. I wanted to spend quality time enjoying others’ company rather than cleaning pots and pans all night. But I’ve realized now more than ever that baking just brings me this sense of happiness, like I’m sure other things do for you guys.

There’s a rhythm to baking, how you mix it. You can’t rush the process, ‘cause the icing will melt if your treat hasn’t cooled. There’s a sense of calm patience I enjoy that is hard to replicate. And then the decorating taps in to my artistic side, and depending on how I’m feeling I’m either slathering that icing on freely or delicately decorating with pearl accents and made-from-chocolate flourish!

Baking brings me back to Nana’s and Grandma’s kitchens. My favorite thing was baking with them, rolling dough, watching them and learning! As I grew older, got my own place, that feeling of baking and care-taking made me happy. Baked goods always have a lot of love in them, I feel, and is this not a time to put a smile on peoples’ faces? Why not do what I love on Easter and bake a whole cake, a hobby that reminds me of my family that I miss so much and can’t be with?

I don’t want all this to sound like an explanation for my recent eating choices. You’re not my food journal. And even though I’ve dipped away from my goals and feel a little disappointment, I know I was cathartic baking and so accept the consequences of my actions. The point is to recognize and move forward.

I also don’t want this to be like every “how/why not to gain weight in quarantine” post, because I don’t know how to do that.

With all the stress on how this would progress, I don’t blame myself or anyone for freaking out when they saw empty shelves and grabbing the closest thing they could find that has a decent shelf-life (Kraft Mac n Cheese…). The real hurdle here, my point, is just making sure you’re being healthy to yourself.

If you want some red wine, go for it. If you want to treat yourself, okay! These things are all fine in doses as long as you don’t transform your habits from healthy to unhealthy.

I have binged before. I have purged before. I have had the most unhealthy views of my body before. I still battle with it. But within this last year I have gained so much knowledge about how my body operates. I have fed it cleaner food and seen how it’s transformed my mind, body, and spirit. I have worked SO hard and done two a days. It’s not always the easiest, but I spent quality time taking care of myself.

All that to say, my initial 2020 goals were to remain on track and healthy to myself. This is THE year, I thought.

Coronavirus put a…twist on my goals. I haven’t been fussing about the wine I’ve had, or the goodies I’ve made, as I focused more on my mental health. I am glad I let myself just be. It really helped. But it’s mid week five and we have five more weeks ahead of us at least. And as I started looking at myself in the mirror, or flipping through Instagram, I could feel my anxiety creep up again. So I made that dreaded trip to the scale and got out my measuring tape which I’d used before to track progress.

And you know what? I gained inches. I gained weight.

Did it make me…kinda sad? Yes. I felt disappointed as if all my hard work last year was for naught.

But…I gained weight in a global pandemic.

In the big picture of things, how fortunate am I to have the resources to feed myself. To gain weight.

All these ads, all the modified pictures which are ACTUALLY kinda fat-shaming, all this panic of gaining weight is so triggering while everyone is just trying to keep relatively afloat. It feels insensitive. I can’t flip through Instagram without seeing people capitalizing on the situation. “Lost 20lbs with this amazing home workout plan and tea” or diets to take care of the “stubborn fat you’ll have” when this ends. It’s toxic for those that battle with eating disorders or body dysmorphia. It’s toxic for those that are just able to get what they can. There’s enough stress already! We are staying inside and at home for a REASON. If you have the luxury to gain a few pounds while you’re safer at home, good for you. Don’t be so hard on yourself as you try to mitigate a PANDEMIC.

I am trying not to be. I am re-adjusting how I’m working out so it fits more in line with my aesthetic goals. We are almost done eating the carrot cake from Easter (yikes, I know, already, it was too good).

All I hope for myself, and for you all, is that you don’t fall in to unhealthy ways, mentally or physically. It’s a battle, especially in this time, I know! I’ll be the first to say I haven’t been my best. Gaining some pounds isn’t unhealthy itself, but can manifest into bad habits in this isolation like binging or an overall sedentary, unmotivated lifestyle.

If you’re moving, you’re getting a little sun, and you are staying safe and healthy, you’re gonna be okay. Don’t let little personal fluctuations alarm you and derail who you are and what you’ve worked for. The world is fluctuating with you, so you are constantly having to adapt!

I’m going to make a better effort to not coop myself inside, be aware if I’m overdoing the emotionally eating, and feed my body in all the right ways. Mind. Body. Spirit. Besides that, it’s just taking one day at a time.

I hope you all are safe and healthy. I hope you all are still believing and trying your best. <3

#blog 2.0

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jillmckenzie1 · 4 years

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Pressure Drop

As many of us do, the arrival of the year’s end is a time for me to look back. If I were to sum it up, 2019 was all about surprise. Putting aside the absolute insanity of our politics, the year in film has been wild as hell. We saw both the Star Wars and MCU franchises come to a temporary end. We saw films about cathartic cults, flicks involving doppelgangers, and a number of movies examining class warfare. Perhaps strangest of all, we saw one of the best performances of the year delivered by Adam Sandler.

Maybe it’s not so strange, though! I’ll grant you that a cursory look through Sandler’s filmography is dire, to say the least. The majority of his films are bro-ey comedies where he’s doing little more than dicking around with his friends and getting paid for it. I generally don’t begrudge people enjoying a thing, and I’ve read numerous times that Sandler is a genuinely good dude. The sad fact is that his comedies aren’t for me.

It doesn’t matter if they’re for me, because his movies have made billions at the box office. Quite a lot of people love his comedy, and in order to be a successful comedian, you’ve got to have a keen understanding of human behavior. Sandler might play the fool, but he’s far from an idiot. He pays attention and files those little behavioral tics away for later. Once in a while, he’ll even explore the dark side.

Along with his comedies, he’s played a jaded movie star in Funny People, a man annihilated by 9/11 in Reign Over Me, and a desperately lonely entrepreneur in Punch-Drunk Love. When Sandler has the right material — and I’m not kidding here — he can not only hold his own against anyone, but he can also deliver acting that’s skilled and nuanced. Sandler continues to prove that with his bravura performance in the new film Uncut Gems. It’s by no means a film for everyone, but those attuned to its panicky rhythms won’t forget it.

Some people experience addiction through their struggles with drugs or alcohol. Howard Ratner (Adam Sandler) is a little different. There’s a great yawning void inside him that he fills with near-constant chaos. How did he get to that point? We’re never told outright, but brief asides tell us everything we need to know about his likely beginnings and probable end.

Howard operates a store in the midst of Manhattan’s Diamond District. It’s small, claustrophobic, and the dual security entrances give Howard a much-needed buffer between himself and whatever likely pissed-off person he’s dealing with. He’s constantly hustling, and his associate Demany lures in potential clients for wildly overpriced sales. Surrounded by valuable stones, Howard yearns for the deal that will push him over the top.

The acquisition of a black opal from Ethiopia might be the deal he’s waiting for. Sure, Howard feels a connection to it due to the Ethiopian Jews who unearthed it. His larger connection is the upcoming auction of the black opal and its potential value of over one million dollars. Making the deal even sweeter is the arrival of basketball player Kevin Garnett, who sees the opal and is bewitched by it. He asks Howard if he can “hold onto it” for luck at that evening’s game and offers his blinged-out championship ring for collateral. Howard says yes, and this is only the first of many, many poor decisions he’ll make.

You’d think that would be stressful enough for Howard, yet he immediately pawns Kevin’s ring, then takes the money and places a ridiculously big bet on the game. This gets the attention of his brother-in-law and loan shark Arno (Eric Bogosian), to whom he owes a lot of money. He’s accompanied by Phil (Keith Williams Richards) and Nico (Tommy Kominik), two legbreakers who would happily kick Howard’s ass up and down the street. There’s also Howard’s wife Dinah (Idina Menzel), who views him as a loudmouthed joke, and his girlfriend Julia (Julia Fox), who has her own struggles.

In the past, we’ve talked about the twin mistakes filmgoers sometimes make with 1) assuming that the main character of a film should be likable and 2) assuming that a film should be enjoyable. That is nowhere close to correct here, and while Uncut Gems is a hell of a good movie, it’s also a two-hour panic attack of a film that follows around an unrepentant scumbag. Trust me, you won’t be bounding out of the theater with a spring in your step.

Benny Safdie and Josh Safdie have directed a grimy and explosive film that would be right at home in a Times Square theater in the 1970s. Set in a New York City thoroughly scrubbed clean by gentrification, the Safdies specialize in digging between the cracks and showing us the desperate people who view every day as a battle. It’s that desperation that fuels the film, and their pacing is relentless. Layered on top is a pulsing synth-based soundtrack by experimental electronic musician Oneohtrix Point Never. He creates a constant environment of unease, never quite allowing viewers to settle in and relax.

Written by the Safdies and Ronald Bronstein, the screenplay is a marvel on several fronts. First, it excels at dropping us into the pure chaos of Howard’s world and revealing character through action. We stick with Howard’s point of view throughout, yet time is always taken to show people reacting to him with bemusement, annoyance, contempt, and rage. The script also understands that, regardless of what a person is addicted to, addiction is a black hole that cannot be filled. That’s the point of addiction, and the screenplay never moralizes and treats Howard as a cautionary tale. We’re dropped into his shoes and taken for the ride, whether we like it or not.

What makes the ride bearable is a lead actor that’s innately likable. Not everybody in film has that warmth, and while I’m a great admirer of Edward Norton’s skill as an actor, he often comes off as cold. If he had played Howard, the movie would have been a nightmare. Adam Sandler’s charisma helps to draw us in, and we worry about the end result of his poor decisions. Howard is a perpetual motion machine, always moving, talking, plotting. He lives on the edge, and he’s driven by delusional goals. Sandler has the fanatic’s gleam in his eye, and he always knows when to crank it up or throttle it back depending on the situation. It’s a performance of enormous skill and discipline that deserves recognition.

Uncut Gems is very much a Your-Mileage-May-Vary kind of film. The Safdie Brothers have zero interest in making a crowd-pleaser. Their artistic ambitions are highly specific, and the kinds of people that adore Adam Sandler movies like Billy Madison and The Wedding Singer will positively despise his newest film. That’s fine since real art has a distinctive point of view and the courage to stand by it. Uncut Gems.is art and it’s one of the best films of the year.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/pressure-drop/

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