#alexi writes 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

[thexianzhoujade]

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER | genshin impact fanfiction. zhongli x gn!reader — angst, hurt/no comfort, hanahaki disease, mentions of blood, gagging, death, decomposition, dealing with grief and guilt. not proofread or edited.

idle chatter. this is also a reupload from my old blog... i'm such a thief gasp <3 library waiting list. @lovingluxury @dumbificat @starryshinyskies @ryuryuryuyurboat @ainescribe @bfjax @soleillunne @sangoqueenkoko

aventurine's addition. "alexi will forget if i don't remind her - here is the link to 'you're not her,' the first part of this angst."

the scene haunts him vividly. it creeps into every crevice of his mind, every nerve that has harboured all the knowledge he could ever acquire over these past centuries; it affects his psyche. in the darkness behind his eyelids - should he be brave enough to dare let his eyelashes sink shut - he sees every detail left of his beloved - you.

the guilt eats at him, nagging at his bones and tearing at his flesh, leaving only remnants of searing pains when he can't help but blame himself that he let it get this far - that he even let it happen. it was something so simple that he could avoided, at least that's what he tells himself. zhongli isn't stupid, not when he's walked teyvat this long and seeked enough knowledge for his own curiosity - albeit never comparable to that of the dendro archon. he knows it couldn't have been avoided, for that is why the guilt rips him apart so brutally.

but yet there is one simple way it could have been avoided. he should have never fell in love with you. the thought aches his heart and he finds his grip tightening around the tea cup in his hands, paled knuckles concealed by his oh-so-familiar gloves. amber eyes resembling the cor lapis native to his own country close shut and the horrific scenes creep back in.

the man admits to oversleeping that morning, the comfort of familiar bedsheets drowning him in a warmth incomparable to anything else. his routine with you was a simple one; he was always the last to bed but always the first to rise. zhongli used it as an excuse for you to never see his bare skin, the dark tones that cover his large hands and fade up his arms, decorated in veins of golds and oranges. he would get up and dressed, pulling black gloves over his hands before your eyelashes could even flutter open.

that was the way your relationship had ticked for the months it had been ongoing. that was the way zhongli kept his deepest secrets locked away, thinking it was for the best; it wouldn't cause problems if you knew, you was a mortal. zhongli knew he was facing the sandglass of time when it came to your life in the first place. is that what shattered the sandglass so soon? ending your life with a severed tie that happened too early, taking you from him when he was least prepared?

the bed was empty by the time zhongli awoke. the first fleeting thought that crossed the geo archon's mind was his secrets, his hidden gems - had you seen it all? had you left him? the second thought to cross his mind was in regards to your safety. he was certainly no fool, he knew he had enemies even with the lack of people who knew his true identity. you never rose before him and at least he would have expected you to wake him.

zhongli has traced the corridors and winding paths of your shared house many times. he's taken the stairs so much they're worn from the use of you both - and your guests, when the likes of xiao, hu tao or your friends come to visit. in every footstep, the man has memorised every inch of the house; every painting, every vase, every floorboard and in these steps he takes routinely, he knows the house is never this silent however there's no proof of a break-in. there's no distress, no signs of damage or disruption.

the earth has taken your body for its own in the span of a few hours, vines creeping across your body as if to tie you to the ground. celestia forbid someone tried to give you a proper burial, your clothes and skin stained in a dark red as the blood that flooded out of your mouth hours ago begins to oxidise. it paints the grass surrounding you and in the summer heat of the liyue sun, it creates a foul stench that suffocates the garden you'd spent so much of your time in.

there are flowers beginning to bloom on the vines tethering you to the earth, in shades of white so pure, it pales in comparison to the glaze lilies that had damaged your internal organs so ferociously. the sweet floral scents create a bitter tang in the air mixed with the metallic waft of blood and the unforgettable smell of the unavoidable rot your body was going through in the heat. this is what undeniably lead him to find you.

it makes him gag, turning his head away the second he steps outside into what is usually the clean air of liyue's countryside. his eyes fall to the pile of wilted glaze lilies you'd compiled in the far corner, hidden behind an apple tree you'd been growing. it's beginning to finally bear its fruits. zhongli notes that you will never see your apple tree's first harvest.

it feels as if he's stabbed in the chest when he finally musters the courage to look at you - or rather, what he thinks is you. your cheeks are sunken and your skin is beginning to tighten against muscles and bone, this isn't the you he remembers kissing goodnight last night. this isn't the you that would pepper kisses on his face when he expresses how tired he is after his shifts at the wangsheng funeral parlour.

this isn't who he fell in love with. this wasn't the human he should have never fell in love with because by gods, if there was anyone zhongli should have known to trust the least, it should have been celestia. he was a fool for thinking he could ever get away with loving a mortal, even after faking his death and attempting to step away from the title of the geo archon. he was still immortal up until his eventual erosion. he had still seen centuries past and people die around him.

was this celestia's curse upon you for his own regretful actions? the things he shouldn't have done and most certainly shouldn't have said? the sultry whispers and lingering touches that he knew was wrong from the start? but he loved you. he knew he loved you.

the scene of sharp branches coated in blood twisting and turning out of your mouth is unpleasant and the grass surrounding you is a distasteful red as he falls limp to his knees beside your growth - your corpse. his hands, free from their gloves, fumble with leaves and vines, attempting to pull them clear from your face in his shaking grasp as his thumbs gently wipe under your closed eyes, caked with dry blood.

your name falls from his parted lips when bitter tears sting his eyes for the first time in centuries. there's a raw emotion ripping him to the shreds and that was long buried in the depths of his very being - grief. it swallows him, forcing a choked sob from him as he hunches over what was his lover. he closes his eyes, holding his breath to keep from breathing in that sickening, overwhelming stench as he tries to remember your face from last night.

those distinct features he'd fell in love with, the glitter of your eyes and that smile he loved oh so much - he recalls the times hu tao managed to draw that smile onto your face with her mere presence. zhongli gags at the thought of having to tell her and the others about your death. does he lie again? you passed away in your sleep - but where has lying got him in the past? here.

why hadn't you told him? had baizhu been behind this too? after all this time he assumed the doctor could be classed as a loyal friend, zhongli realises that he was wrong. if he hadn't of kept it a secret, could zhongli have saved your life? the archon grimaces. this is not the time to be doubting the security of the relationships he has with the people around him. even as he contemplates the reasons you kept your disease secret from him, he runs over every thought of loving you.

to him, he would never love anyone or anything as much as he loved you. nothing could ever be comparable to his love for you; not even after all these centuries of aimlessly wandering teyvat and not even for all the future centuries that he would continue to walk, heartbroken and grief-stricken without you by his side for even a few more years.

you should have been her.

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© thexianzhoujade 2024. | reblogs appreciated | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.

#alexi writes 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 #zhongli x reader #zhongli angst #genshin angst #genshin zhongli #genshin x reader #genshin impact

[thexianzhoujade]

YOU'RE NOT HER | genshin impact fanfiction. zhongli x gn!reader — heavy angst, hanahaki disease, hurt/no comfort, mentions of blood & gagging (almost vomit), death, ‘unrequited’ love

idle chatter. this is a reupload from my old blog so if you want to argue that i'm stealing, i'm literally robbing myself <3 library waiting list. @lovingluxury @dumbificat @starryshinyskies @ryuryuryuyurboat @ainescribe @bfjax @soleillunne @sangoqueenkoko

aventurine's addition. "alexi, darling, don't forget to link 'you should have been her' for the readers. it is the infamous second part, after all."

oh that man, that gorgeous, benevolent man you’d fell in love with all those moons ago; with dark hair that fades into a glowing orange, resemblant of the sunset and his own geo vision. you had fell in love, yes - you thought he had too. the thought crosses your mind whenever he’s not by your side, not within your grasp like he usually is. typically, the man was serving his job at the wangsheng funeral parlour as a consultant.

you grimace when the tight feeling in your ribcage suffocates you. it’s getting stronger as time goes on, knocking the breath right out of your lungs and leaving you hacking up blood into a white handkerchief. zhongli had expressed no ends of concern about the situation when he’d find the bloodied handkerchiefs scattered around your shared home, ushering you to doctor baizhu as soon as possible.

you had begged baizhu not to utter a word of your condition to zhongli. he returned your pleads with a sorrowful look.

how could your love be so unrequited? had you been the only one true to your word this whole time? the mere thought stings at your eyes, tears threatening to spill as you shakily wash the dishes. zhongli isn’t home, not for a few more hours. he said he had business to attend to - that meant it wasn’t work related. was he cheating? you shake the sour thought away from your head, scowling.

you wonder if the oh-so-wise man could ever read the wrinkles appearing on your skin, aging you with every passing concern that you don’t voice aloud, with every day that goes by where you’re suffocating from the inside out. he never mentions it, perhaps he simply does not care. you feel the knot in your throat, sickening as you gag and splutter into the soapy water of the sink. you keep gagging, the knot doesn’t budge and you’re filled with an overwhelming sense of nausea.

your body grows tired. you slip down to your knees, banging elbows and other limp limbs against kitchen cabinets as you go down. finally, with one last cough, the knot exits your mouth. it falls to the wood floorboards beneath you, slimy and covered in blood but undoubtedly recognised as a glaze lily. its petals are shut, you understand that there is no music, no lullaby to be heard to lull the glaze lily to bloom. it’s an ancient flower, one you always used to admire before this curse laid upon you.

the front door to your house opens, keys jingling in a specific man’s gloved hands as he enters. you hurry to throw the glaze lily out of the kitchen window, submerging your hands in the sink once more as the metallic taste of blood and lingering aftermath of a floral tang swarms your mouth. you hold your breath, hoping you didn’t have the appearance of someone who had just coughed up a flower so violently.

a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist, suddenly you’re hit with the faint smell of aged wine and familiar scent of freshly dug earth. you smile at the thought, leaning back into his chest despite the pain tearing at your lungs and the burning sensation left behind in your throat.

“you’ve been coughing again—” zhongli’s voice reverberates close to your ear, hot breath fanning over your skin and your eyes raise from the dirty water to your reflection in the kitchen window, where zhongli’s warm amber eyes are staring at you so deeply.

“it’s okay, my love, i promise,” you lie through your teeth, hoping the man sincerely couldn’t read through you the way he used to, “this time it was a smaller amount than the last…”

you try to sound cheerful in your approach to the topic, careful to maintain that personality he’d apparently fell in love with one day in liyue harbour. zhongli makes a noise - is he doubting you? you watch as a gloved hand raises, nearing your face before his thumb wipes gently at a trickle of blood leading from the corner of your lips.

“i’ll speak to doctor baizhu in the morning,” zhongli states firmly, you almost bite back the words that taste bitter about him ‘caring’ for you, “perhaps you need a higher dose of your medication.”

the medication in question surely had been a ruse to fool the man, though you did not expect it to have worked. changsheng had uttered that you could not leave the bubu pharmacy without some form of medication, it’d look absurd in the eyes of the wangsheng funeral parlour consultant. in agreement, baizhu had qiqi mix violetgrass powder with sugar - the instructions were simple, mix it into the hot tea you’d drink with zhongli every evening.

it was sweet, not at all bitter and the scent of violetgrass made it bearable. apparently the inclusion of herbal properties was enough to fool your dearest partner or so you thought.

—

it’s hard to understand the fine line between a lie and a truth when the past few months, you’d been dating a man for someone whomst he was not. it was a struggle to understand the situation but it kept you up for endless nights, counting stars and tending to the numerous flora you’d planted in the garden underneath the moonlight - courtesy of your friend the traveler for appearing with so many countless seeds of blooms from across teyvat.

yet as you sit on the grass, staring at the pile of dead - and dying - glaze lilies you had acquired, the stars twinkling endlessly above you, you understood why he’d done it. he was judicious, hoping to protect you from his past yet keep you as his future. the thought made that pain in your chest tighten. you let out a futile whimper into the quiet night.

as you ponder zhongli’s status as liyue’s archon - the geo archon of all people, you begin to question your previous doubts. your breaths become struggled, your chest heaving as you lay on your back for some relief. trembling fingertips brush amongst blades of grass, hoping for a distraction as tears spill down your cheeks.

liyue is a beautiful country with vast mountains and yellowed plains that seem to stretch endlessly. its civilisation had become fruitful at the expense of liyue harbor, bustling with trade and the thing your partner had appeared to love the most; contracts. he has every right to be proud of the nation liyue had built to this day, despite claiming that he’d ultimately retired - “the people can do without me, they’ve proved that much.”

blood trickles from your mouth but it’s not gentle, it’s a rush, like a waterfall as it spills down the sides of your face and pools on the grass below you. it’s littered in an array of blue and white petals, matching that of glaze lilies - a flower you’d grown to hate. you struggle to get oxygen into your lungs with the rising level of blood that doesn’t dissipate from your parted lips, suffocating you as you try to no ends to breathe through your nose.

that is, if there was room in your lungs for such oxygen. twists and turns of branches and roots that climb to the walls of your organs, painting them with glaze lilies and filling them with fallen petals every time a flower wilts from the unreasonable conditions inside your body.

you’re proud of liyue; the magnificent, beautiful nation of geo that you got to experience in all of its glory. zhongli often times referred to liyue with feminine pronouns and as the light dies from your eyes and your chest ceases to rise, you can only think one thing with your last dying breath.

you’re not her.

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© thexianzhoujade 2024. | reblogs appreciated | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.

#alexi writes 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 #zhongli x reader #genshin zhongli #zhongli angst #genshin impact #genshin angst #genshin x reader

[thexianzhoujade]

"special day" ft kaeya + gorou x gn!reader literature content. fluff, maybe ooc, established relationships alexi’s notes. happy birthday to my dearest @yaminohimeyume ! thank you for being such a close friend to me, this is actually also your request you sent in - you have enough angst ma’am, you should have known i’d write you fluff instead !

I was scrolling and saw you asked for requests so, I went searching for two phrases so that I could decide what to ask... In the end I got two... either angst or fluff for Gorou, and if you feel like, for Kaeya <3

library waiting list. @soleillunne @lovingluxury @dumbificat @starryshinyskies @ryuryuryuyurboat @ainescribe @sangoqueenkoko

your lover is known for casually slacking off his work sometimes but regardless, KAEYA is a hardworking man. from taking up commissions from the other knights and running errands, or even training knights-to-be, the cavalry captain without his cavalry always has an excuse to be busy - or rather, appear busy. whether or not it be genuine work or an attempt at kicking his feet up during work hours, you're supportive and always there to ensure he's caring for himself.

this includes roping him home from the angel's share with the help of master diluc, the stench of wine heavy on his breath as he stumbles alongside the pair of you, his hands trying to shove your helping touch away as he urges "i'm married!" into the cool night air of mondstadt, much to both the amusement of yourself and diluc as you exchange glances.

it always includes you bringing his lunch to him, fresh from the good hunter - sara is quite fond of you, honestly - and all the times you've taken klee off his hands. that's the only time you can excuse him slacking off, in your eyes since by the archons, klee is a handful.

kaeya may or may not see your birthday and take it as a chance to squeeze himself out of the suffocating, stuffy air that is the knights of favonius headquarters. the empty vase on the kitchen table is filled with an array of your favourite flowers, colourful and basking in the golden light of the early morning sunrise that's casting its beauty onto the nation of freedom. they smell divine, sweet and floral accompanied with the breakfast that kaeya worked hard on; honestly a surprise that he knew how to navigate your shared kitchen enough to cook something.

the two of you spend the majority of the day wandering the bustling streets of mondstadt shopping, accompanied by the breeze so beautifully blessed by barbatos himself. one of kaeya's love languages may be acts of affirmation but his more commonly acted on love language is gifts. even if you try to shrug off his efforts throughout the day, kaeya is insistent on buying every little trinket and other that your eyes even so much as glitter at the sight of.

with the sunset as your witness, perched at the top of starsnatch cliff on a plaid picnic blanket, kaeya gives you your true gift - the one that had been purchased months in advance after he sought the help of jean. in his hands sits a small, plush velvet box that holds a necklace with a shivada jade gemstone cut so refined and glittering in the light of the sun dipping below the distant horizon. smiles adorn your faces as you make wishes on dandelion seeds, blowing them to be carried in the wind.

—

in hindsight, you had probably expected little to nothing from your workaholic partner as your birthday wrapped around. GOROU was hardworking, sure but sometimes you couldn't help but worry for his overall health. as his partner, it was your own hard work that kept the canine male on his feet during the trying times of the resistance.

little did you know, your hindsight would be incredibly wrong. gorou may focus solely on the resistance, his work as a general and the comrades around him however he is devoted to you, loyal to the one he recognises as his forever. with pointed ears and a wagging tail, gorou had already made plans months in advance with her excellency for your birthday - the hardest part was keeping it under wraps.

what can i say? the general of the watatsumi resistance is full of surprises, if people weren't already shocked from his prominent animalistic features and happy-go-lucky demeanour in a time of history being changed right before your very eyes, that is. the morning of your birthday, he'd already started your day before you had. gorou follows a strict regime daily and the man virtually exists only to follow schedules; he'll combust if he doesn't.

since gorou is always too busy to maintain his own health, you've always been the standing pillar at his side, ensuring he's fed and that he takes routine breaks out of his work to just breathe in the fresh air. this morning he wants to return all your kind acts, all the steaming plates of breakfast and packed bento boxes; always wrapped and made with the utmost of love.

the smell of food is the first thing you're greeted with when your eyes pry open, blinded by the spring inazuman sunshine that casts into the room through the open window, the curtains tied back and yet blowing gently in the warm breeze. gorou's humming is faint from the kitchen but you can make it out just enough to recognise that it's a song the soldiers take to singing around the campfire some nights.

after breakfast, gorou hands over his gift to you - one that albeit caused him a lot of pain that bared just for you, - a woven bracelet made of the fur of his tail. there's a sheepish smile on his face, cheeks dusted a light hue of pink as he rubs the back of his neck with a hand and admits just how painful it was to pluck fur from his own poor tail but despite the pain, the sentiment is there. he wants you to have a piece of him - literally - with you, especially when he goes to the battlefield with the chance of never returning to your side.

then the day takes its turn into the plans gorou has pre-emptively worked on to perfection, using this day as his chance to thank you for everything you have ever done for him as his lover. the beaches of yashiori island are plenty, your toes dipped in the sand and cool waves lapping at your ankles as you walk along the coast, hand in hand with your lover boy, so head over heels in love with you every time his eyes glance over to you and trail to that ginger bracelet clasped around your wrist.

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© thexianzhoujade 2024. | reblogs appreciated | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media. | divider by @/cafekitsune.

#alexi writes 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 #・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗ #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact kaeya #genshin kaeya #genshin impact gorou #genshin gorou #gorou x reader #kaeya x reader