#after her move jordan and esme spoke around three times a year: around hanukkah and each of their birthdays

[jareauwalker]

Can we have more headcanons about Esme and her parents pLEASEEEE. I’ve thought about this subject WAY too much

omg yes!! okay i’m still waffling with a lot of these, but these are sort of some basic ones i’ve thought of:

- Esme’s parents are named Nick and Jordan Salinger (also if anyone cares I headcanon their face claims as Jane Seymour and Martin Freeman, who I realize is young but i’ll get to that in a sec)- The Salingers are very new money which sort of makes them outcasts amongst the VFD families, and is also what fuels Jordan’s obsession with knowing what is/being “in”- When she was young Esme never really played with other children, because Jordan didn’t want to risk her daughter being seen with someone who was “below their station”. Most of Esme’s socialization in her formative years came from her mother and her mother’s equally materialistic friends- Esme inherits A LOT of Jordan’s personality, and as a result of being so similar whenever they fight it’s super explosive and often results in one or more things being thrown, and at least one of them storming out of the house (on more than one occasion after a fight, Esme would tell her father that she hoped her mother didn’t ever come back)- Nick Salinger is often forced to play the peacemaker between his young daughter and his wife, without upsetting them even more (a damn near impossible task). Like this man should’ve genuinely considered trying to get a job at the UN, because those negotiations may have been easier- Nick dies in a skiing accident when Esme is ten. Both she and her mother resent him for leaving each alone with the other. - After Nick’s death Jordan married six more men, two of whom died under suspicious circumstances - idk where this one fits in, but at some point, i’m going to say when she was around thirteen?? Esme killed one of the maids’ cat because it wouldn’t stop meowing in the night. When said maid came to Jordan to tell her what happened Jordan fired her, and to this day Esme doesn’t know that her mom ever knew about the cat thing- Unlike most VFD parents, Jordan was actually alive well into Esme’s adulthood, and only passed around a year or two before the events of The Ersatz Elevator

anyways, PLEASE tell me what you think, and like feel free to send me any criticisms and any of your own headcanons bc i love hearing them!!  

#asoue #esme squalor #a series of unfortunate events #headcanon #i'm not saying that esme killed one of her stepfathers but i'm also not not saying it #also the main reason Jordan didn't die in a fire is because in my weird hc verse she moved to paris after esme moved out for good #after her move jordan and esme spoke around three times a year: around hanukkah and each of their birthdays #also esme is a libra/scorpio cusp #Anonymous #also the cat's name was probably mittens #basically esme squalor and dandy mott would get on like a house on fire #lmao