#actually all of this stemmed from the realization I had on priv that I basically have no family to lean on. like. at all. no connection

[lilowoof]

OUGH, these feelings of loneliness have been so strong lately.... going from having someone to talk to here n there to just radio silence kinda hurts, ngl X'D

I've done this song n dance before and IDM waking up to no messages or not having ppl close to me to chat to but still! Having a taste of closeness with ppl, only for it to be ripped out of my hands, by my choice, or theirs, or both just...... It hurts!

Thankfully I do have some great pals whom I can reach out to if needed so it's not like I am 100% alone XDD I guess I'm just trying to readjust to the current situation. And I know that I have the power to reach out to ppl and also to check out events in town to meet ppl! It's hard for me to do those things but I have the power to, gotta give myself grace and take things one step at a time, as I usually do!

I just wish it didn't hurt so badly haha!! (also this is not an invitation for ppl to dm me (unless u really want to for some reason). I just like writing down my thoughts so I can dissect them better and of course not bottle things up, etc etc)

#don't get me wrong: most of the time I adore just being in my own head and alone! #but when I wanna talk to someone about stuff that is happening.....good or bad. and having no one #THAT's when it hurts the most #doesnt help that this year was kinda just like yay more ppl to hang with- oh they either dropped me as a friend #or prefer to hang with others who are better players (for salmon at least). AH WELL #I really want to go back to the dating apps just so I can TRY to meet ppl even if it doesnt work. AND MEETUP TOO I gotta get on that #tho I do need to reach out to ppl privately to play fish game with since I tend to just wait for ppl to come to me and #thats not the way to go.... if only I was a god tier player so more ppl would reach out LSDGKNSDHG JKJK IM happy with those that do poke me #and of course chatting with ppl in servers helps too but it sucks when they arent avail or what I say gets ignored :') #BUT YE. while I AM sad over all of this.... I do have the power to make the change so hopefully the executive dysfunction allows for it #I want to think about how much I wanna live #not about how much I want to fade away and die. ya need some good ppl in life and since I dont have that in the fam. I need the friends :D #actually all of this stemmed from the realization I had on priv that I basically have no family to lean on. like. at all. no connection #or trust #and to not have any pals that can fill that role too!!! YEAH IT SUCKS! but I will try to mitigate the pain. work is easing up so I have tim #hahaha I kinda feel better typing this all out! that was the goal after all