#a number 1-101 + a ship / character / fandom / etc. and i'll write a fic based on the correlating song on my spotify wrapped

[zukkaoru]

hi grace!! inuokko, 42 for the drabbles post :D

hello!! 42 is knew you by kailee morgue which. fits inuokko pretty well if i do say so myself,, i hope you like angst <3

i wish i knew you before i knew you nobody loves me the way that you do wish we were friends when we were kids i think it'd still feel just like this

word count: 1138

Toge likes to think, in another world, he and Yuuta would not have had to say goodbye.

He isn’t sure if the thought is comforting or disheartening, but he wants to believe that in some other version of reality, Yuuta is allowed to stay at Jujutsu High instead of having to study overseas. In another world, there is no tension weighing heavy on their shoulders and there is no departure looming on the horizon.

In this world, they are not so lucky.

Toge pushes his food back and forth on his plate, resting his head on one hand. He lets out a melodramatic sigh, though he knows it will garner no sympathy from the only other person in the room.

“You might as well just finish eating. You know he saved all his packing for the last minute,” Maki says. Her voice is sharp, but Toge will forgive her because he knows she gets meaner when she’s trying to hide that she’s sad.

Still, Toge pouts.

Maki huffs. “Yuuta would say—”

She stops abruptly, and the silence is filled almost immediately by Yuuta’s voice: “I would say what?”

Toge perks up instantly, twisting around to see Yuuta standing in the doorway. He smiles, though Toge can tell it’s forced.

“You would say Toge should eat,” Maki finishes. She stands up and carries her dishes over to the sink. “Skipping dinner isn’t going to change things.”

Toge shrinks under Yuuta’s scrutinizing gaze as Maki turns the sink on so she can rinse her dishes.

“Toge.”

“Bonito flakes!” He protests. I’m not hungry!

And, well, it’s not a lie. His stomach is swirling uncomfortably with the knowledge that Yuuta is leaving, and Toge thinks if he tries to eat, it might just come back up. The few bites he’d taken tasted like cotton, and it hurt to swallow each one, so he’d given up.

Yuuta frowns, like he doesn’t quite believe Toge but also doesn’t feel like he can argue. He takes a seat next to Toge, and Toge’s hand immediately finds his, linking their fingers together, trying to memorize how it feels to have Yuuta right next to him.

“Don’t stay out here too late,” Maki warns as she passes by. She ruffles Yuuta’s hair, then Toge’s. “We’ve got one last early morning training session with the four of us tomorrow.”

Toge groans and buries his head in Yuuta’s shoulder, only vaguely registering Yuuta’s assurance that they’ll be there before Maki slips out of the kitchen.

“Hey,” Yuuta whispers once it’s only the two of them. He squeezes Toge’s hand. “It’s going to be okay.”

Toge sighs. “Salmon,” he admits. It will be okay, eventually. But why should it have to be just okay? Why should Toge and Maki and Panda all have to say goodbye to Yuuta so soon? When he chose to stay at Jujutsu High even after breaking Rika’s curse, he chose to stay at Jujutsu High. He didn’t ask to be shipped across the ocean!

It’s not fair.

In the end, there are far worse fates sorcerers can face. Toge knows this. But still, Toge wishes…

He wishes he met Yuuta sooner.

He wishes they met when they were kids, struggling with curses far too powerful for them to control. He wishes they could have helped each other back then, wishes they could have grown together. When Toge was little, all he wanted was one person who could make him feel a little less alone. If he and Yuuta knew each other sooner, they could have eased each other’s loneliness.

They could have had more time.

Yuuta raises Toge’s hand to his lips and presses a kiss to Toge’s knuckles. “I wish I could stay with you all longer,” he says, rubbing the back of Toge’s hand with his thumb. “Besides Rika, I never had any friends until you and Maki and Panda. Even the second years are nicer to me than most kids at school were. I just…”

Toge looks up at him, silently encouraging him to continue.

“I don’t know.” Yuuta’s shoulders slump. “I’m grateful I met you all when I did. I trust the timing was right. But I wish I’d transferred in even just a month earlier.”

Toge purses his lips, then nods. He slips his hand from Yuuta’s grasp, then shakily signs, “I wish we had met sooner.”

“Yeah.” Yuuta sighs. “I was so lonely for so long. And from what I’ve heard, I think you and Maki and Panda were all pretty lonely too.”

“Salmon.”

Toge understands why Jujutsu High doesn’t allow students younger than fifteen, but he wishes there was some other way the four of them could have met. He wishes the family they found with each other had a longer lifespan than eight months.

(Toge knows: Eight months is eternity when you’re a sorcerer. But for anyone outside of the world of jujutsu, eight months is nothing more than the blink of an eye.)

“It sounds stupid,” Yuuta whispers, “but I already miss you. I haven’t even left yet, but I… I already miss this.” He bumps his shoulder against Toge’s. “You mean a lot to me, Toge. I— I never really met anyone who understands me like you do. Don’t tell the others, but out of everything and everyone I’m going to have to leave behind, I think I’ll miss you the most.”

Toge smiles, then dives in for a hug before Yuuta can see any tears escape his eyes. He buries his face in the fabric of Yuuta’s shirt, clinging to Yuuta as if holding tight enough could prevent him from leaving. His throat aches, though it’s different from when he overuses his cursed technique. This ache is heavy, weighted down with grief and love, and it isn’t something a little throat medicine can fix.

Yuuta’s arms wrap around Toge, hugging him back just as hard.

Eventually, Toge knows they will have to let go. They have early morning training tomorrow, and then Yuuta will have to leave for the airport, so he needs to sleep as much as he can tonight. But for what time they can allow themselves, Toge will hold on as tightly as possible.

In some other universe, maybe Toge and Yuuta met years earlier. Maybe they’ve known each other since they were kids and they grew into the relationship this Toge and this Yuuta have now. Toge knows no amount of extra time could ever be enough, but still, he imagines a better world where they knew each other sooner.

He hopes that alternate version of himself is happy, hopes he gets to hold onto Yuuta for longer too, and hopes he never takes that for granted.

In a perfect world, Toge and Yuuta wouldn’t have to say goodbye.

In this world, they were lucky to get eight months.

#thank you for the ask!! #gonna be working on these over the next few days so if you haven't sent one feel free to send #a number 1-101 + a ship / character / fandom / etc. and i'll write a fic based on the correlating song on my spotify wrapped #length of the fic will depend on the whims of my mind #inuokko #toge inumaki #yuuta okkotsu #yuuta x toge #inumaki x okkotsu #okkotsu yuta #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #ottoge #inok #ottg #fanfic #grace's writing tag #ask game #jelliedoodles