#a new song I added to that playlist is “ballad of a homeschooled girl” by Olivia Rodrigo

[gaywiththesauce]

It’s Wednesday which means it’s me screaming incoherently at your inbox Day

NOOOOOOO THE FIC YOU POSTED I AM CALLING THE POLICE

GOD the sides of the Haori….grabbing onto Sabito’s side for dear fucking life. not having a grave to visit!!!! Shut UPPPPP Him wearing Kyo’s Haori???? I’m going to embalm myself !!!! GOD we love a little symbolism. We love a little late night hallucinated conversation. WE LOVE EXPLORATIONS OF GRIEF. HAVING ALL YOUVE EVER WANTED IN YOUR GRASP BUT ITS STILL TOO FAR AWAY!!! GIYUU’S GRIEF IS A CIRCLE!!!!!WHEN CAN THIS MAN REST.

Why are we both so mean to Giyuu or better question why is Giyuu so easy to be mean to I’m starting the Giyuu Tomioka protection coalition to protect him from myself and you

anyway thank you for always bringing the heat for rengiyuu Wednesday I hope school is going well ok bye for now until I think of something else to yell about xoxo

its not Wednesday anymore but I will answer this as if its Wednesday and incoherently scream back!

the police are here and they demanded me to show them all of the angst I have in my drafts and they... fainted? I guess I have a body to bury now!!

That idea- lacking a gravesite to visit- was something that came to me at 2am when writing about Sabito. Of course, how would Giyuu mourn when there was no where to mourn. It was something I was going to add but didn't see a fitting place for it. Giyuu doesn't have a physical place to mourn, so he carries that place with him to remind himself of the hurt and pain that he experienced from Sabito's death. It's with him everyday................ ^^

Giyuu blorbo is just so easy to bully. Like I said, he wears a part of his dead friend's haori and has been for over at least 5 years (or longer, just an assumption). He's quiet and he gets teased by Shinobu and hated by Sanemi and Obanai, he's like the outcast and its easy to make fun of him. however he was the character that the series made you look up to because he saved Tanjiro and Nezuko.

he comes off with this appearance that he cares about people and he is a sympathetic figure, but no one is sympathetic with him in return. he's a sad character, and its so easy to be mean to him :)

good luck with the GTPC! he'll need it >:) (I'm joining too, but I'll leave for five minutes when I post and then come back :))

but... I have a something where he isn't continuously suffering so... I'll see you next Wednesday? (school is school, but I'm not failing! come back soon teehee xoxo)

#so many thoughts #so little brain #my brain has so many thoughts about Giyuu and so little words to express those thoughts with #i'm listening to my Giyuu playlist tho so the words came out easier #a new song I added to that playlist is “ballad of a homeschooled girl” by Olivia Rodrigo #for the line “each time I step outside it's social suicide” #and if that doesn't describe Giyuu perfectly (or at least his thoughts) then I'll eat my Giyuu figure #giyuu tomioka #kny rb #saucy speaks #saucy samples

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON NIGHTMARE’S VOCAL, DANCE ZHAO DAXIA...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: Xia CURRENT AGE: 19 DEBUT AGE:17 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 16 COMPANY: Koala.T SECONDARY SKILL: N/A

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): nightmare’s babydoll, xixi INSPIRATION: daxia was largely inspired to be an idol by her favorite groups, who she’d began to love after seeing online videos. after winning a small talent contest at her school, she said that it showed her what fame and being loved by fans felt like and that she’d give anything to feel that for the rest of her life. from there on, she began grinding to work towards becoming the sweet and talented idol she is today. SPECIAL TALENTS:

martial arts - she started learning at the six and continued classes off-and-on until receiving her black belt at the age of thirteen.

choreography - after being a dedicated for so long, she’s practiced many years so master several of her favorite group’s choreographies from the last three generations, going as far as to try to mimic their mannerisms.

impressions - often teasing, but she has a special skill for impersonating both her members and other idols she’s fond of.

NOTABLE FACTS:

she was first found after starring on the show “superstar k”, where she placed 4th.

she once went on a trip to new york city and took a picture with rihanna.

daxia’s a huge fan of western music from the 90’s, and once a week she posts song recommendations for fans to follow and add to their playlist, along with an extended explanation and preferred method of listening.

she is known for her significant weight loss during her time as a trainee to debut, losing around 22 kg in a month. she refuses to say how, for fear others will try it as well.

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

daxia does not hope that nightmare will change their concept, but instead that it will be better received by the public as they keep promoting, she also hopes that as they get more experienced, she will be more natural at fitting in with the dark concept. she wants to also better connect with international fans more, and hopes to be able to travel to china on tour and connect with fans in her native tongue.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

despite the cultural difference, daxia hopes to become a beloved figure of the korean entertainment. while highly ambitious, she hopes that she’ll have a lengthy and successful career and eventually be able to venture into other types such as acting and more variety. she wants to be a long term public figure known for her personality, and eventually be able to earn enough to move her parents to korea.

IDOL IMAGE

[did you see that new girl  they added, daxia? she doesn’t look like the nightmare type at all.]

cute face, devilish grin. daxia’s introduction to nightmare was certainly a shocking one, such childlike features accompanying such an eerie concept. and yet, in a way, it works. the deceitfulness in her smiles is just the soft energy they need. sure, nightmare doesn’t ever catch a break because of their concept, but in a way it’s xia who helps bring the cuteness back that they’re missing.

[i heard she’s the least talented out of the bunch, though. is she just a pretty face?]

upon her debut, she receives almost instant criticism. she’s lacking skills. she shouldn’t have debuted so soon. she barely can speak korean. all in all, everyone seems to view her as a trainee who still needs lots of work. what could she do? it’s not like she doesn’t agree, but daxia had been dying to make it big and nightmare seemed like her only chance. she tries her hardest to work hard, but they don’t seem to get past her swift debut and lackluster skills. the only thing that’s saving her is her charisma, even the anti-fans can’t deny she has an incredible stage presence and personality onscreen.

[yeah, i think so. but she’s a little cute….right?]

so koala.t uses a new method, using her downfalls as their strength. within a month of debut, they stray her away from the dark character it seemed everyone else was playing. instead, they have her play dumb. since they can’t seem to do much with her, they work with her flaws and make them “cute” to the audience. her korean, which is lacking but nevertheless improving, is told to be intentionally worse to play the clueless foreigner card. her voice cracks are made to be a cute mishap, and her lack of coordination can be attributed to her adorable clumsiness. koala.t feels that all her critiques have been swiftly cleaned up, but xia can’t say she feels the same. unable to be completely herself, to be made to be some quirky, relatable little kid for the public’s sake.

[i guess so. she’s sweet, at least. i think she likes what she does.]

but it’s not all bad, in xia’s book. being among the youngest of the bunch means she’s frequently doted on, and gets the privilege of teasing her members without seeming to mean. she’s known as “nightmare’s babydoll”, the sort of sunlight in such a dark concept. her fanservice and frequent streams make her a favorite among those who prefer personality to skill, something she can’t decide on whether she likes or not. whatever her beliefs, her marketing as the cute side, the “dawn”, of a hellish nightmare, has been one that’s put xia out of the darkness.

IDOL HISTORY

begin. from the very first few seconds she left the womb, daxia knew she was special. born a daughter, the only child to parents who for so long had tried to conceive a child. while she wasn’t hardly wealthy enough to be deemed spoiled, daxia always felt confident that there was a place for her in the world. her first steps, first words, first meal, all of it was caught on camera alongside the cheers of proud parents. they cherished her. cherished her so much that they never let her out of their sight. how could they, anyways, when all the bad in the world was so willing to swallow up girls like her? daxia was known to be terribly susceptible to colds, had an extensive list of allergies, and all the likes. even her asthma, which she felt was a minor setback, would result in panic anytime it decided to cause her some trouble. she was a small, cute thing, their bao, or treasure.

both in their mid 30s, they raised her in a disciplined yet loving household. to satisfy their fears, the girl was homeschooled all throughout her schooling years, drilled with lessons in math, english, and more. her friends all lay within her stuffed animals, and when she got older shifted to living souls behind her computer screen. with the bulk of social interaction coming from her parents and penpals, xia soon got bored and resorted to a different form of entertainment. something fresh. something….exciting. kpop. her parents, being extremely traditional, accepted nothing but the chinese ballads they filled the house with. so, in secret, she plugged her headphones in and began to fall a little deeper for the celebrities who seemed so far away. her hobby soon became addiction, and within a few months she could tell anyone who listened an alphabetical list of over a hundred boy and girl groups. you see, it took her away. away from her parents, from wuxi, from china. for once, she felt like she wasn’t trapped within her house but instead apart of something much more. korea, in general, soon gained her interest, and she slowly shifted from interest solely in idols to learning the language and culture. by the time she turned 17, she’d begun learning simple phrases and had her eyes set on the country.

if she was being completely and utterly honest with herself, daxia knew she had no place at home. she had no work skills, no real talents, only a passion and a kind soul. it was only when she stumbled upon an advertisement for a talent competition based in korea that she began taking the idea of a future seriously. a future with her passion, in which she may even be able to share the stage with her idols. daxia, being the ambitious teenager she was, worked her hardest to land a spot. staying up late at dance studios, visiting vocal coaches. her savings account, which had largely been holding funds from her job, was emptied to get her plane ticket there.

those dreams soon came crashing down, when her reign of superstar k quickly ended as she left the show with 4th place. the people had loved her bright spirit and small-town girl feel, but it hadn’t been enough to win a talent-based competition. with low spirits and even lower funds, she’d just begun her travels back home when the company she knew well, koala.t, contacted her in hopes of bringing her into the agency. it was clear she had a lot to improve, but her bright spirit and work ethic gave them a sort of momentum.. sooner than she ever thought possible with the talents she had, she was put into nightmare’s lineup. how was it possible? even daxia knew, with the optimistic lenses she saw the world with, that there was less celebrating than she’d hoped. other trainees had worked far longer, far harder, and had the talent to back it up. what was daxia doing, standing next to such talented girls? the thought haunted her, and the constant criticisms of her surprise debut didn’t make it any easier.

just like that, all daxia’s ideas of what reality was were all ripped from her eyes. she was thrown into the trainee scene faster than she could imagine, as her family watched on with shock. in a country she could barely understand, working to be just like the people she’d always felt were in another universe. the transition was anything but easy, filled with tear-filled nights of frustration and the same, sad homesick feeling whenever she thought of her family back home. she was 16, her parent’s bao, who had always been raised a baby. now, here she was, with the culture shock of her life and struck with the reality of independence and the entertainment industry.

nightmare’s concept hit her like a pound of bricks, as she had to learn concepts such as alluring and sexy. never had she been associated with these words before, but she tried her best to catch up with the rest of her members. the cute, soft daxia was certainly still there. but with such high stakes, she was willing to do whatever it took. she was already let go once, and she’d be damned if she let her only opportunity to be a somebody go through her hands like that again. her hard work seemed to be working against her, though, for every time

everyone swears her charm is in her uniqueness, but daxia wishes everything in her it isn’t true. because it’s all her differences that make her faults, and no matter how out there nightmare might be in concept she hopes they don’t say the same about her, the individual. so she smiles like everyone, tries to speak like everyone, and doesn’t dare complain.

because she’s different, she knows, but will do anything to hide from the spotlight and blend into the background.

#id.bio #id.koalat #id.nightmare #id.song yuqi #id.honeypot